He refused to be identified by his real name or even his old, underworld alias. Even though it had been many years since he'd left the group, he still feared reprisals.
He'd had idolized his father and sought out his approval, but his father had left him angry and confused. The only time he'd ever smiled at him was when he'd knocked a gay man’s teeth out.
No hopeful kid joins a gang. The reality is a kid that lacks hope is going to look for something that gives him that hope. They run to the streets because it's not happening at home.
So, he quickly learned that hurting others made him feel invincible, like nothing was against him.
If you had sadness inside you, it would make you happy. He felt badly in the beginning, but then he got comfortable with his emotions.
The gang knows your weak spot. They understand you. They hear you.
He was pretty weak when he'd first met them. He was also pretty much alone.
He actually wanted to join because he felt he'd have more power in an extremist group—nobody could hurt him if he was one of them. They used violence to send messages, to make it known they were in control, to tell others not to step on their turf. If there were a party going on somewhere—Jews, blacks, whatever—they'd crash it, but they'd also confiscate their food and their drinks.
And if anyone ever looked at them the wrong way, they'd beat them up.
He was involved in anti-immigrant activism, Holocaust denial, and street violence. His own violence often took the form of “gay bashing." He never killed anyone—though it was a requirement of joining—they only believed he had. He destroyed lives, nevertheless. By the time he was twenty, it had finally clicked this wasn’t the lifestyle he wanted to live. He wanted to get an education. He wanted to help people. All people.
He met her and decided to change his life completely. He wanted to be a husband, and he wanted to be a good father.
He sought out "No More," an organization–all of them former extremists—which tried their best to guide people. The group ran a support network for those who, like them, had made the decision to leave violent extremism behind. No More helped those wishing to leave gang life by providing them with a comprehensive, holistic set of services, including case management, mentoring, counseling, education, tattoo removal, community service, health/fitness programs, spiritual programs, interim employment, life-skills training, job readiness, and job placement.
He looked completely different now. No one would recognize him because he wore different clothes and his tattoos had been removed. His shame was toxic as he tried to make sense of what he'd done, and now it seemed as if his past had finally caught up with him.
He got ready to deal with whatever it was he had coming.