MORE FROM LIFE
-1-
“I said I’m not goin’ to school today!”
Annie sighed in despair. This was the third time this month that Brett had refused to go to school. When he was like this, Annie couldn’t make him go. She just had to make up an excuse and send Brett in with it the next day.
The truth was that Annie was tired - tired of being a single parent, tired of having the responsibility for two disturbed children, tired of having nobody next to her in bed, tired of having no-one to talk to. She was at her wits’ end.
“I can’t keep on giving in to Brett,” she told herself. “If I let him win, I’ll never be able to discipline him.”
She tried one more time. “Brett, sweetie, you really need to go to school. And most of the time you like it, don’t you?”
“No. Hate it.”
“Why? What’s wrong now?”
“It’s bloody Leroy. He says I’m a wuss and a pansy. And he says I can’t kick straight so I can’t play football with him and his mates.”
“But that’s no reason not to go to school.”
“Mum, you don’t get it. Because of Leroy, nobody plays with me, and when we have games lessons he and his mates always kick me.”
“Have you told the teacher?”
“What, and get kicked more? I wish I had a dad to teach me how to play football.”
Annie was silenced by this last remark. It felt so unfair. After all, it had been Brett’s dad who’d walked out on her after he got her pregnant. His excuse has been that it was no fun doing it with someone who was knocked up. After that she hadn’t had any spare time or energy for another boyfriend. That pregnancy had been so awful. She’d spent a lot of it in bed, and her mum had been left to look after Alicia.
Once she had two kids, nobody wanted to take responsibility and so she was left to bring them up without a dad. Her mum wasn’t a lot of help any more because she had bronchitis, and the doctor had told her to give up smoking, which made her really bad-tempered. Not that mum had given up. She’d tried a few times but now she was on about ten a day, and still wheezing all the time.
There had been the odd fling, when she managed to go out on her own, but when she brought a man home, it always seemed that either Alicia or Brett woke up and needed the toilet just as they were getting into things.
She was frustrated and so she was short with the kids, no matter how often she told herself to go easy on them, as it wasn’t their fault.
Right now, though, she needed to sort Brett out.
“All right, you can stay with me today,” she told him. “I’ll write you a note for the teacher but you must go in tomorrow. All right?”
“All right, mum.”
“Now, d’you want the tele on?”
“I s’ppose.”
Annie turned on the TV and Brett settled down on the couch to watch it.
At lunchtime, her mother came round. As usual, she was full of complaints. “I went to the Co-op today and they didn’t have anything I wanted. I don’t know what they’re coming to. If they don’t buck their ideas up, they won’t have any customers left. After all, it’s not as if they’re the only supermarket around. Then, would you believe it, when I got to the checkout, they didn’t even have me usual cigarettes, so I had to make do with these.”
She thrust the cigarette she was smoking under Annie’s nose. Annie coughed, and was just about to speak when her mum carried on. “That’s a nasty tickle you’ve got there. You’d better do something about it. Now, what have you made for dinner?”
“I’ve not got round to making anything yet, Mum. Brett’s off sick again and I’ve been looking after him.”
Annie’s mother spotted Brett on the couch, put her hand to his forehead and pronounced, “There’s nothing wrong with him. You’re too soft on him. You should make him go. I always did with you, and you’ve survived.”
“Small thanks to you,” muttered Annie, under her breath.
“Now, you’d better start cooking something, me girl. I’m feeling hungry. I’ll just budge Brett up and sit next to him while you fix somethin’ up.”
She settled down on the couch and watched cartoons with Brett while Annie cooked.
“It’s ready,” Anne called. Come out into the kitchen and get it.”
“Aw, just fetch it us in here,” said her mum. We’re real comfy on this couch, and this is a good cartoon an’ all.”
Annie sighed and dumped two plates of food on the coffee table. Then she went back into the kitchen and poured out two glasses of cola. Just as she was about to return to the kitchen to get her own food, her mum thrust a full ashtray at her. “Go and empty this while you’re on you’re feet, will you?” she asked.
Annie reluctantly did as she was asked, barely resisting the temptation to accidentally-on-purpose trip and spill the ash all over her mother. By the time she got to eating her own food, it was distinctly unappetising, but she ate it anyway. Once her mother had eaten her fill, she left the plate on the coffee table, got up and dusted cigarette ash from her skirt on to the carpet and said, “Tara for now. I’ll pop in again later, after Alicia gets home from school. You really must sort Brett out, you know. You can’t let him dictate what he does.”
With that, she went out, shutting the back door loudly behind her.
Once her mother had gone, Annie breathed a sigh of relief. Although the weather was cold, she opened some windows to let some clean air in, and the smell of stale cigarettes out. “I suppose I ought to be thankful for one thing,“ she thought to herself as she wafted the bad air out. “If my mum hadn’t smoked like a chimney when I was a kid, I might have started as well, and now I’d be poisoning my kids.”
Since Brett was still glued to the box, Annie put some washing in the machine and then prepared the children’s and her tea. She hung out the washing, hoping it wouldn’t rain, and then got her coat on to fetch Alicia home. “I’ll not be long,” she told Brett. “Don’t get up to anything while I’m out.
Fortunately, the school was quite close to her place, so it was less than half an hour later that she returned home, having hurried Alicia along, just in case Brett had got up to something.
However, she needn’t have worried. Brett was still slumped in front of the television, taking up most of the couch. As soon as she’d taken her coat off and hung it up, Alicia pushed her brother along to make room for her.
“Oi! Watch who you’re shoving,” said Brett.” Alicia made no reply, but she picked up the remote and changed the channel.
“Hey! I was watching that,” Brett squealed.
“Well, now I’m watching this.”
“I want Cartoon Network. Give us the remote.”
“No!”
“Muuum! Alicia’s changed the channel and she won’t change it back.”
Annie came in from the kitchen. She tried to be reasonable. “Now look, Brett. Annie’s been in school all day, and you’ve watched a lot of tele. It must be her turn now.”
“But she didn’t ask. She just took it!”
“Alicia, say sorry to Brett for snatching the remote.”
“Soz,” was Alicia’s perfunctory apology.
“That wasn’t ‘sorry’” wailed Brett.
“That’s all you’re getting,” his sister said.
Annie got annoyed. “Both of you, cut your arguing out, or I’ll switch the tele off.”
Both children considered carrying on the fight, but looking at their mum, they both thought better of it. Annie pressed home her advantage. “And if I hear you bickering any more, I’ll pack you both off upstairs. Now keep quiet so I can make your tea.”
By the time the children had eaten their tea of microwaved frozen asagne, Annie was tired out, but she still had to decide who should have the computer and for how long before she could put her own feet up with a cup of tea and watch her favourite soap for an hour until the children’s bed time.
She was interrupted by the telephone ringing. It was Steve, her current boyfriend, although he could hardly be called that, she thought, as they hadn’t been to bed together yet. He wanted to know if she was free to come to the pub. Annie considered her options. She could call her mum and ask her to baby-sit, but that would come with strings, or she could risk putting the children to bed and then going out, leaving them locked in. or she could invite Steve round, with the inevitable assumption on his part of sex, and the night in her bed. Or she could put him off, which is what she did. “I’m sorry, Stevie baby,” she said. “I’ve been so busy today that I’ve got no energy left for pubbing. Let’s leave it for tonight.”
“I could come round to your place,” was Steve’s reply. “I can be there in twenty minutes.”
“Sorry, I can’t do that. The kids are still up, and as soon as they’re in bed., I’m turning in as well.”
“I could come round after...”
Annie interrupted with, “Look, I said I was done in. I need some sleep. Another time. Try Saturday.”
“All right, but don’t keep me dangling for ever.”
The children had another argument before bedtime. This time it was about who was going to go to bed first. Brett protested he wasn’t tired, so Alicia should go first, but Alicia said she was older, so Brett needed to go first. “Anyway, you’re only not tired ‘cos you didn’t get up for school,” she said..
That was enough for Annie. She made Alicia go to bed there and then, and gave Brett five minutes to be ready to go to the bathroom and do his teeth. Neither dared argue. They had seen the warning signs in their mum’s face. Once they were in bed, Annie went downstairs, shut the door and put the T.V. back on. She fell asleep in the film, and woke with a crick in her neck. She made herself a cup of drinking chocolate and got ready for bed. She checked that Brett and Alicia were both asleep and got wearily into bed herself.
-2-
That night, she had a dream.
In the dream, she was with her first boyfriend, Rob, on her first date with him. As in real life, he had borrowed his brother’s car and taken her to the cinema, where they watched a romantic film, and she allowed him to feel her up. Then, after the film, again, just like in reality, Rob took her for a drive round. Most of the time, one hand was on her knee, but it sometimes wandered higher. Eventually, they stopped in a lay-by. Rob turned to Annie, and said, “How about doing it ? I know you want to. Annie felt the familiar tingle of desire mixed with disappointment. In the dream, she replied, “Not here, not like this I don’t. I want my first time to be something to treasure, something worth remembering, not in the back of a car.” On hearing this, Rob started the car, put it in gear and drove her home without another word. When they got to her parents’ house, he just opened the car door and she got out. When she reached her bedroom, she started to cry.
At this point in her dream, she woke up, to find she really had been crying, but not because she missed Rob. How she wished now that she had said no that first time. After that first time, she just kept on doing whatever Rob wanted, and inside felt herself diminishing and unfulfilled. She blamed herself. “If only I had been a bit stronger, or maybe if I’d loved myself a bit more...” she thought.
Then, she tried to pull herself together. “As mum keeps telling me, ‘You made your own bed and you must lie on it’,” she thought. “I’ve got to do my best now. But I wish there was somebody who really cared for me and wanted to help me through things.”
It was quite a while before she fell asleep again, and she was bleary-eyed when the alarm woke her, and she had to get the children ready for school.
Fortunately, Brett made no fuss about going to school that morning, so she was able to take them both and drop them off, leaving the prospect of a couple of hours to herself. She decided that a bit of window-shopping therapy was called for. She didn’t have any money to buy all the fancy clothes and accessories that she coveted, but there was no harm in dreaming, she told herself. Annie even made the bold move of going into one shop and trying on a dress marked at over a hundred pounds. For a few moments, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt worth something. Even the shop assistant commented on how well the dress suited her. Maybe she was just doing her job, or maybe she was being genuine. Annie couldn’t tell, and it didn’t matter. She just felt good.
Reluctantly, she changed back into her own clothes, muttered something to the assistant about the waistline being too high, and left the shop. She thought about having a coffee in Starbucks, but she settled for a cup of tea from the caravan in the square. The man in the caravan was feeling chatty and there wasn’t much business, so they talked for a while. Annie found herself telling Mick - that was the vendor’s name - all about her kids and her mum, and then, as he listened sympathetically, about her need for a boyfriend. Mick said the right words to her. “Just have a bit of patience. You might have to wait a while, but God’s got the right man for you somewhere.”
“D’you believe in God, then? I’ve just about given up on Him. He seems to hate me, if He’s there at all.”
“Well, yes I do, and I believe in angels. But I’m not trying to preach at you or anything. Just give God another chance. Don’t write Him off yet. Would you like some more tea? Refill’s on the house.”
Annie accepted a refill, and then made her way home. She spent the rest of the day on the washing, except for lunchtime, when her mum came round as usual for a ‘chinwag and a bite to eat.’
The washing was still out on the line when she went to pick up the children, and on the way back, there was a sudden, sharp shower. “Now the washing will need spinning again,” she said to herself. “Give God a chance? Huh! First chance He has He makes me more work!
-3-
On Friday, it was time to change the sheets. First, Annie went into Alicia’s room. She changed the sheets and tidied the room. Before she left she made sure that two special items were in their proper place. Firstly, Emily had to be tucked up in bed. Emily was a special doll, given to her by her father, Rob. This was when Annie and Rob were still together. Rob had bought it for Alicia’s first Christmas. Emily was one of those dolls with zips and buttons, and hair that could be brushed and even, at a pinch, plaited, but when she first had her, Alicia was too young to do any of those things, so she used to suck her foot. She was now quite dilapidated, but any attempt to get rid of her resulted in tears and tantrums. Annie had now given up trying to throw Emily away, and was waiting for Alicia to be ready to part with her. She still sucked her foot when she was feeling upset.
The other precious object was a book, “The Hungry Caterpillar.” This book had been mended several times and had lots of dirty marks and smudges, especially round the holes to put your finger through. Well before she could read, she knew the whole story, and she learned to count up to five with that book. It was another reminder of her dad, and looking at it now, Annie remembered just how good Rob had been with Alicia, at least, until he had tired of the role of father, and having a girlfriend who was constantly tired and didn’t want to go out, even at the weekend.
Annie though about his departure, and wondered if there was anything she could have done to prevent it. “But I couldn’t go down to the pub and leave my baby behind, and Mum wouldn’t give up her evening out to babysit more than once in a blue moon, and Rob insisted he needed his ‘down time’ after working all week, and any other girl was going to look more attractive than me when I was frazzled by looking after my daughter,” she argued to herself. “Once he met Jade, there was no stopping him. But Alicia was heartbroken when he left. Maybe if I hadn’t confronted him about sleeping with Jade he wouldn’t have lost his temper and walked out...”
Her thoughts trailed off as she began to cry. She didn’t often feel sorry for herself, but right now, she felt a deep need of someone to put his arms round her and tell her he loved her.
After a while, she stood up, shook herself, and got on with changing Brett’s sheets. His room was, as usual, in a mess, but Annie didn’t feel up to sorting it all out. She just stripped the bed, thankful to see that Brett hadn’t wet it, put the clean sheets on and placed Brett’s favourite Transformer on the pillow.
The next morning, her phone rang. It was Steve. “D’you want to come with me to the flicks tonight?”
“What’s on?”
“Well, there’s the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie, or there’s the new 3-D animation fantasy, or there’s a new romantic movie...”
“I could do with a night out, but it’s a problem getting a babysitter.”
“I’ve got an answer to that all worked out. Me kid sister, Samantha wants to see her fella, but Mum and Dad won’t let her out. She’s only 14, you see. Anyway, they do let her out babysitting. ‘N she’s a good babysitter. Won’t stand no nonsense. How about it?”
Annie thought about this proposal a little, then replied,” All right then. Let’s give it a go. But no hanky-panky in front of the kids. And I meet Samantha half an hour before we go out.”
“Fine. See you at seven o’clock then. Film starts at 8.“
“Wait a minute. I haven’t said which one I want yet.”
“Betcha I know which film you want to see.”
“How can you know? Especially since I haven’t chosen yet.”
“Well, make your mind up.”
“All right. Let’s
go for the 3-D fantasy.”
”I knew it. You loved Avatar, so I thought you’d go for this one.”
“All right, know-all. See you at 7 o’clock.”
Once she had put the phone down, Annie began to have misgivings about having Samantha and boyfriend babysit. “If her parents don’t want them to be alone together, is it right for me to let her go behind their back?” she thought. Then immediately, she dismissed it. “I can’t change things now, and I know what I was like at that age, so I can’t really object, can I?”
However, there was still a lingering nagging doubt in her mind, but she had to get on with the rest of the day.
The children were happy in front of the television for a while, so she did the washing-up. No sooner had she finished and put the kettle on than her mother came in. “I see you’re making a brew,” she said. “Make us one as well will you, there’s a love. Oh, and a couple of biccies would do nicely, as well.”
She went into the lounge and sat down in the armchair, putting her feet up on the coffee table.
Annie marvelled at her mother’s timing. It was uncanny, almost as if she was watching on a hidden camera. She made the tea, and asked the children if they wanted a drink. Both opted for cola, and they happily accepted the offer of chocolate biscuits.
The evening out with Steve couldn’t be said to be an unqualified success. They got good seats, and Steve bought some popcorn, which they finished before the film proper started. Then, almost as soon as the film began, Steve put hid hand on Annie’s breast and started undoing her blouse buttons. She gently stopped him, but it wasn’t long before his hand started wandering again. More firmly this time, she removed it again. When it happened a third time, she pinched his wrist as she took his hand away. Steve’s response was, “You’re spoiling the fun. What’s the point of going to the flicks if you cant have a cuddle and a feel in the dark?” After that, Annie turned her body away, presenting her shoulder to Steve. However, she relented later, after the interval, and Steve’s hand spent most of the second half under Annie’s clothes.
When they got back to Annie’s home, Steve expected to be invited in, but Annie made the excuse that the bright screen and the 3-D glasses had given her a headache, so she left him on the doorstep.
To Annie’s relief, nothing seemed untoward in the house. Samantha and her boyfriend were cuddled up together watching a film on the television, but they were both fully clothed. She thanked them and got out her purse to pay them, but Samantha said that they didn’t want anything. It was enough to have somewhere warm to be together.
-4-
Monday proved a difficult day for Annie. First, Brett didn’t want to go to school, but she managed to persuade him. Then Alicia spilt her tea down her dress, and had to change. That put her in a really sullen mood, because the dress she now had to put on was faded and a bit too small for her. “I’m not going to school today if I have to wear that old thing,” she shouted. Annie tried to persuade her, but it was no good. In the end, Annie sponged down the dress Alicia had spilt tea on. and then ironed it dry. Next, Alicia’s sandwiches weren’t right. “There’s too much ketchup,” she said. Scraping some off wasn’t good enough, so Annie had to make some more, and put the other ones in the fridge for her own lunch.
Annie had only just got back from taking the children to school, and she was in the act of filling the kettle, when her mum came in. “Oh, ta. You’re putting the kettle on to make us some tea, I see, “ she said, and sat down on the couch. “Oh, and don’t forget the biscuits,” she added.
Annie bit back the remarks she wanted to make to her mother, and got on with making the tea. “There’s only digestives,” she said. “I haven’t been shopping yet.”
“Well, I suppose beggars can’t be choosers,“ came the reply. “I dare say I could eat a couple of them.”
They had just finished their tea when the telephone rang. Annie picked up the receiver.
“Who is it?” asked her mum.
It was the school secretary. “Is that Ms. Spencer?”
“Yes, it is.”
“I wonder if you could come down to the school. There’s been a bit of an incident involving your son, Brett.”
“What do you mean? What’s he done?”
“I’d rather not go into explanations on the telephone, but your son isn’t in trouble, but he is upset and we think you should come to the school. How soon can you be here?”
Annie replied that she could be there in ten minutes. Her mother, on hearing the news, insisted on coming with her, so they went together. When they arrived at the school, the secretary showed them into the deputy head’s room, which was quite small and cluttered. Annie was surprised not to see her son there as well as the deputy head, Mr. Marston.
“Where’s my son? What’s happened to him?” she blurted out.
Mr. Marston replied, “Please keep calm. Everything’s under control. We’ve had a little incident between your son and another boy in the school. It appears that your son Brett assaulted this other boy, who then retaliated, giving your son a bloody nose. Now..”
Annie stood up and interrupted the deputy head. “Don’t you know what’s going on in your own school? This boy has been tormenting my son for weeks. He’s been teased and punched and kicked and you’ve done nothing. He hasn’t wanted to go to school and now, when for the first time he tries to defend himself, you say he started it. You’d better sort yourselves out. You’ve no bloody idea about