Saigon, a month later
The sun looked big, red and almost sharp in the clear sky.
Through the window of the airliner plane, Trautman started seeing Vietnam's familiar landscape, at last.
After the Tet offensive, even the last standing war hawks finally agreed that it was time for Trautman to be called back to Vietnam, and he was looking forward to seeing Patrick Nelson's face again.
***
A long time had passed since the last time he had been inside the MacV's main room. Yet, Trautman did not lose time with too many of the usual courtesies, and even less because the familiar faces – after such a long time – were very few.
General Loyd was standing right in front of him.
As their stares met each other, the general's didn’t look threatening at all, quite the contrary.
Trautman walked forward but the general stretched out his hand first.
“I am really sorry for your friend's loss”
Trautman tilted his head in perplexity while letting his hand go.
“What are you talking about?”
“I am talking about Patrick Nelson. Didn’t anybody inform you?”
“What happened to Patrick Nelson?”
“God damn it Trautman, I am sorry to be the one to tell you that”
“Just talk, general”
“His chopper crashed two nights ago. You were probably travelling at the time”l
Trautman swallowed.
Patrick.
He didn't know what to reply.
Patrick Nelson.
“It was a rainy night with lightening and all. That chopper should have never taken off, but you know very well what kind of man he was”
“Yeah. Got it.”
“It's that kind of mistake we are all making here in Vietnam, more or less”
Trautman barely nodded, as if he was elsewhere with his mind.
“Look, Trautman... We had many... Uh... differences of opinion in our past. But fuck... These are words suited for the occasion, and I am not the kind of man to use words suited for the occasion. You are a dick-head Trautman, but I am a soldier too, and I know how it feels when you lose a good man who is a good friend too. There are things that put as all in the same boat. I know you were doing things on your own behind my back but even if he was dickhead, God dammit, he didn't deserve to die like that”
Trautman nodded. He did not know what to say.
It was strange hearing such words coming from the same man that had threatened him just a few months back. And yet, Loyd looked sincere.
“There's another thing to say, Trautman... I am not the man you think I am, nor am I blind either... I can admit when I’ beaten... That's it”
Loyd hesitated a long time before going on.
“I... I think I owe it to Nelson... You were right. You two had your results in the Quang.Tri, I can't deny that. The ARVN has changed a lot, and for the better”
Trautman thoughtfully nodded, as if he wasn't listening any more.
In his mind there were was only space for the image of another friend that didn't exist anymore, swallowed up by that damn country.
Trautman turned ready to leave, but before walking away he turned one last time in the general's direction, as if he had forgotten something.
“Thank you” he said.