Nurturance by Santosh Jha - HTML preview

Nurturance

By Santosh Jha

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Copyright 2014 Santosh Jha

Smashwords Edition

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Other Smashwords Titles By Santosh Jha

OnlyNess (Fiction)

Probability (Fiction)

Back To Bliss: A Journey To Zero (Fiction)

Autobiography Of A Duffer (Fiction)

Not Man Enough (Fiction)

Naked Solutions Of Dressed Up Life Woes (Non-fiction)

Habitual Hero: The Art Of Winning (Non-fiction)

Maya And Leela: Utility In Life’s Futility (Non-fiction)

Why We Flop In Love (Non-fiction)

Wisdom Of Wellness: Perpetuity Of Poise Of Purpose (Non-fiction)

Decipher Destiny: Decode God’s Will (Non-fiction)

Youth Sanity In Crazy Culture (Non-fiction)

Redeem & Reinvent The Art Of Lost Wellness (Non-fiction)

India Beyond Stampede Of Stupidities (Non-fiction)

Karta: Life-Inspiring Essays On Cognition, Consciousness & Causality

Enter New Year A New You (Non-fiction)

Why Do You Want To Change Me? (Non-fiction)

Hey Beautiful, You Are The Hope (Non-fiction)

Young, Restless And In Love (Non-fiction)

Bare Basics (Non-fiction)

I Am God (Non-fiction)

Wellness And Excellence Mantra For 2015 (Non-fiction)

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License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. Thanks for your support.

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FOREWORD:

There has to be a humble admittance – Any word, however well meant and well spelt, is a possible suspect of misinterpretation. There is a simple reason. People are in different consciousnesses and culturally as well as personally inclined to a specific value-summation of utilities. As a writer it is a huge temptation to take liberties, with not only imaginations, ideas but also with the words, as against their common and popular use. Do kindly accept my latitude with language, choice of words and interpretation of contemporary realisms, as I understand, many times, they may not conform to popular usages and sentiments.

I share with you whatever is part of my consciousness and its honest innocence. All wisdoms say, what stays with you is what sinks in. Wisdom is what we internalize. I share with you whatever I have internalized in my life. This may not be mainstream, however, may have utility in some meaningful way. I believe, as a reader, you shall enjoy this novelty and pleasant awkwardness of the writing.

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Really… you get tired…

Oh! Let us not always euphemize realism…

Why not admit and say it categorically, loud and clear…. without a sense of guilt and shame – ‘Yes I am exhausted …!’

It is not necessary that this fatigue and complete weariness happen because of incessant struggle…

It is altogether different thing that most people love to accept and actually live their lives as one perpetual struggle… worse; life can be such a mess at times that you can start feeling the stress of the struggle…

… people really think so… most have this obsession with actionable living and activity in life… they think, ‘one can get tired when one overdoes action… it’s no big deal… especially, when you are young… youthfulness is for incessantly stretching the boundaries of the horizon of all possibilities’, they think so… youthfulness has loads of stupid benchmarks…!

This makes people think – ‘how can a young woman, barely in her twenties get tired… and look, how fresh she still looks…’

… please! … stop all this…

I surely am, a young woman barely in my twenties… very fit and healthy… I also love my work and toil it like anyone… may still look beautifully fresh at the end of the day… still, I can and I do get tired… rather, get exhausted…!

…. why can’t people accept things beyond their obsessive cultural perspectives and populist worldview about life-living realisms…?

I accept, this innocent and honest acceptance of things is not easy… this acceptance is very much conditioned…rather… this innocence and honesty too comes with a package deal… subject to market conditions and socio-cultural norms…!

… this template of simple stupid life and cool-calm living has become a huge hash tag…

For a change… if we have the allowance to this innocent acceptance… then the realism awaiting honest acceptance is –

… you get tired… you simply land totally exhausted… tired and even exhausted of your own intelligence… of your precarious yet multidimensional emotions – the perpetual weight of it… of profound sense of redundancy – a natural byproduct of market and culture benchmarking of utility and self-worth … of the futility of objectivity of endless subjectivities… of the unpopular basis of every popular thinking and realisms… worst; you get tired of the routine of being exhausted and still pretending to living it…!

 

… anyhow… of whatever reason… irrespective of whether you are at fault or not… the fact and core realism remains intact and in stark perpetuity that you actually get tired and it needs to be accepted….!

However… this society and its popular cultures… and they have their own traditional wisdom… and above all, this bunch of humanity with big badge of success and king-size self-worth … they have their own populist practices and postulations… they do not accept this all…. they are not cool with this idea of exhaustion…

… media is no more a prerogative of a few… it is everyone’s empire… communication is everyone’s mandatory muse and this ensures, intelligence and wise-words start pouring in from multi-dimensional media… even before you seem ready for them…

… ‘Oh! you get tired so easily, what’s up?’ … ‘got tired so soon… you have a long way to go…’ … ‘no..no… this won’t do… don’t give up… keep struggling… keep it up…’ … ‘tiredness is loser’s first sign… be a winner… fight it till you drop dead…’

…. Often, you get tired of your patience with so much of subjective intelligence, with ultimate assertion to objectivity raining all around…!

…. Ohhhh…! Seems, people make a simple eventuality of weariness a crime… the blame and guilt line up and eventually, you get more exhausted… why is it that often, intelligence is unusually exhausting… also, when the need is to serve innocence and comfy emotions, why people do have this knack to dish out loads of intelligence…?

 

… why one gets tired, what makes one weary… does it really matter…? At least to the person who lands exhausted at the end of day… these analyses can be procrastinated… because, the simple realism is – it is normal, human and sometimes good to be tired…

Important it is that when someone gets tired, he or she should have the right to feel so… there needs to be the allowance for anyone to be happily comfortable with the eventuality of weariness…

… this moralistic positioning, the judgmental voices and loads of wise-wordings from people may be procrastinated for a while… if not ignored completely…

Why I say this…? Is it appropriate for a young woman only in her twenties to work out an advocacy in favor of exhaustion-acceptance?

… leave it… drop this question for a while… do come out of this cultural and even male-centric worldview that has a singular acceptance about young beautiful women – that they should always look good, fresh, lively and ready for ‘action’… especially where they intend ‘it’ to be…!

You need to land completely exhausted to understand that when one gets tired, what he or she needs is not what usually is dished out by people… the simple, primary and singular need is to be left alone….

 

Someone said to me, ‘… you know, there are times when you need to stop pretending to be what you think you should project yourself as to the world…’

… I think, she was right… often, we get tired by our own projection of ourselves and expectations from ourselves… more than that, this over-effort – both physically and mentally – to toe the populist cultural benchmarking of good, right and appropriates make us more tired, rather exhausted than anything else… youthfulness may at times become a nasty asset… especially, when this youthfulness showers its blooming bounties on a woman… being a young and a well endowed woman barely in my twenties, I know it more than most…!

… I can say this… being a ‘young and beautiful woman barely in her twenties’ qualifies me more than an ordinary mortal to admit this… I know the toll it takes on me to always keep myself up to this populist socio-cultural benchmarking of ‘appropriates’ and ‘must-do-things’, whether I am at my workplace, in commute or even in my bed…

…. and…. this I need to ensure that I keep my fresh & happy pictures uploaded regularly on facebook and instagram… being in media-midst is important… being in good media works well… being in bad media does wonders for you… posting outrageously ‘happy and well-shaped up’ images of oneself qualifies for it…

… I really think, in the long-run, this narcissistically inclined, uninhibited and anarchic media misadventures could become far more debilitating than pornography… the later is already losing its sheen to this fast-growing ‘selfiegraphy’… the glitter and gold shall finally shift to this new media… I am surely not being judgmental… just a fleeting sense of possibility… as the trends in contemporary cultures suggest…

 

Being a ‘young beautiful woman’, I carry so much weight of intangibles on my consciousness… the weight of tangibles is nothing… I am very beautiful deep inside and also with my skin and flesh …. my body symmetries and numbers may be brilliantly on the plus side of the populist benchmarks… still, they really do not matter for my overall wellness… this joy is not ‘good enough’ acceptance for me as I have to be beautiful and woman-like in loads of other ways, which actually tires me… saying it shamelessly – it drains the vitality out of me, sometimes beyond redemption…

… actually, for a young and beautiful woman only in her twenties, it is hugely liberating to feel tired and announce it to the world that as exhausted she is, she wants to shed all the fabrics of fantasized cultural benchmarks, branded as ‘appropriate’ for the label of ‘young beautiful woman’…

This somehow comes up as a declaration of rebellion for the male-centric worldview about women and womanhood…. it shatters the populist mould of feminine appropriates for the male world… this male-centric worldview would surely label it unusual and even unwomanlike if they find a young beautiful woman barely in her twenties not inclined in any of the ‘graphies’…. the p-graphy or the s-graphy…!

… I am a young and beautiful woman barely in her twenties and I had to learn it hard way as what they all think about which way a woman should be…. I had to ask myself – which way I am a woman… which way I need to accept to stay as a young and beautiful woman…

… the answers are not easy and they come with loads of scars on your soul…

... there is surely an easy way… the easy way of accepting yourself as a body and accept body benchmarks of being woman… even the notion of womanhood then takes shape and form from these body appropriates…

… loads of young women follow these benchmarks and spend hefty precious moneys on ‘shaping up’ their body parts, as per the body-benchmarks, stipulated by male-centric worldview, popular media and celebrity-madness… the selfiegraphy may soon add more benchmarks of ‘populist appropriates’ into it…

Of course, the multi-million dollar business for ‘shaping-up-women’ tells you loads about how best a woman you can be if you get done this and that body appropriates…! … it is easy, you just need some money… any stupid wealthy man can fund it for you… if you are ready for the action, where they mean it to be …! … all investments are futile if they do not lead to the fruition of the action….!

… the tough way however is to ask questions about which way I am a woman, which shapes me in lasting peace and connect with my elemental womanhood… I am a young woman and I do shamelessly admit and declare that I am totally exhausted with this populist and male-centric media-celebrity benchmarks of woman and womanhood…. the obsession with body of a woman… and this politics of the culture of action…

… can I ask, isn’t it appropriate to be a woman, who asks for ‘shaping up appropriately’, the honesty, simplicity, innocence, trust and many such intangibles, all around in whatever milieus she moves… isn’t it an inseparable benchmark of womanhood to seek a lasting system of sincerity… a strong and ever-evolving connect with wellness in society and cultures…

… why expect her to shape up her body parts only…? … why this obsessive insistence on a particularistic symmetry and spotless shine in all things in a woman’s anatomy…? … especially where they intend the action to be….

… and this notion and choice of symmetry is entirely cultural, changing with times… and then all over again, women are made to chase the new body-benchmarks… a certain celebrity with selfies showing her parts in a specific symmetry and size-number shall suddenly change the current benchmarks… and the rest of the world shall turn its choices to follow the new benchmark, like sheep in the herd…. the markets automatically shall offer all required expertise to have it….

… I really wonder… why this same media-madness and celebrity-frenzy never happen over the shaping up in perfect symmetry and shine of those intangibles in milieus for all women, the honesty, simplicity, innocence, trust and many such intangibles… ?

…. I am a young woman barely in my twenties and I admit I still have not succumbed fully to this pop cultural madness of loving everything symmetrical and shiny about woman anatomy … but not anything about the elemental essence of womanhood…! May be, my thirties shall make me wise like most…!

…. I surely think, being a young and beautiful woman barely in my twenties, I dream of my womanhood blossoming and growing like a rose-garden…. womanhood must be like a rose-garden where every woman, especially the very sensitive and tender young women like me should be assured abundance of all possible micro-milieus of nurturance… this tender and assuring endowments of care and security…

…. I know, this is all wild dreams… miles apart from the dark realism… this male-centric cultural benchmarking of woman and womanhood, the celebrity-frenzy as well as the contemporary media projections have appropriates only for women to follow… and they feel exhausted upholding them…

Seldom in the history of humanity, the larger society and popular cultures have cared for nurturance of elemental womanhood… they all however have crafted masterly artistry of ‘body-appropriates’ for women… the sculpting artistry of yesteryears has now become more raw, rough, blatantly and brutally indiscreet about woman body in contemporary porn world… the selfiegraphy shall show wider and deeper ingenuities…

… this artistry of sculpting of stones of yesteryears, to make figures of populist idealisms, has shifted business…. real people and their bare bodies are now being sculpted as per the idealisms of the contemporary culture of artistic appropriates…

… there is no harm in it… I am surely not being judgmental… why should I be… however, I am expressing my disapproval about the obsessive insistence on one-sided shaping up of women and womanhood… I am just saying that this is exhausting… there has to be a poise… a balance of sorts…. a holism of sorts… seeing womanhood in holism shall be relaxing … the sculpting of holistic nurturance must also be there in equal measure…

…. seems, collective conscience of humanity never ever created a craft, which could stay as epic of nurturance for womanhood…. men write epics about a women, the mysticism and miseries of women, her body and love… wonder, why there is no epic written on the craft of nurturance-needs of womanhood, which every man must follow as essential appropriates… if there is any, I don’t see it at bookstores… of men follow them, I don’t know…

Therefore, it is for an individual woman, with all her genius or stupidities, to engender a world of wellness for herself… where she has all appropriates of nurturance… the society, the cultures, the larger humanity does not seem to be offering anything substantial…

 

This friend of mine once said to me, ‘… when you are tired at the end of the day, beyond this slim hope of bouncing back to rejuvenation next morning; you just want someone, there beside you, when you lay in bed exhausted… saying nothing… just being with you… without being judgmental… without wise words of fruitless utility… without any pretension of being someone, he is not….!’

… I truly loved her words… rather, I loved more her honesty and innocence, which she managed to weave into beautifully innocuous words… I wonder why not most people are honestly innocent like her… sure, I too am not like her… I am a ‘young beautiful woman only in my twenties’ and this makes me wary of breaking the shackles to stand as nakedly innocent, as is desirably rejuvenating for me… but then… she has infused some confidence in me to go naked… bare myself off the futility-wears all over me….

I don’t know whether she too had in some way faced this weary evenings of life or not and whether she had actually got a person besides her she talked about but I found her words true and honest… this I can say as I am really tired… this crime of being weary and wanting to stay as one admitting it has finally taken me in its suffocating embrace…

… I feel, I need to be with this honesty and innocence… I insist that I be allowed to welcome my weariness… it is a feeling that at least for a while, things need to stop… the purpose, the chase, the questions and answers… the obsession with populist cultural standpoint… everything must stop… even this redundant sense of me and its weight on my conscience should also be dropped for a while…

… how brilliant it would be if one’s own consciousness could also be put off and hanged in the wardrobe like your used clothe…. at least for some precious time.

... this stifling onus of ‘populist-self’ on the consciousness could be happily seen hanging away… this nakedness I think would be truly emancipating… this fully stripped beingness should at least make way for a few feather-light moments of freshness and rejuvenation….

… sometimes I get to accept that millions of women, who wage a battle to be free to be naked whenever and wherever they wish to, must be actually wanting this emancipation not from their clothing… but from this fabric of fake and fudged cultural benchmarking of ‘appropriates’ for women and womanhood… I get to think that they feel burdened and exhausted by this male-centric worldview about women and elemental womanhood….

…. as I was saying… this freedom of hanging your being like a shirt for a while is however just a reprieve… not a remedy of the malaise of weary body and soul…

What is the lasting and truly rewarding thing to happen when you get tired? … I don’t know…! I may be a young woman barely in my twenties but I insist that this emotion and intelligence about elemental womanhood is embedded deep in my consciousness… I know and can say things about body-mind moorings of a woman….

… may be, late evening, when the white sheet of the bed soaks the tiny drops of water from all parts of my shining yet tired body, after I emerge out of the shower, someone sits close to me… he takes out a white dry towel and gently sweeps it all over my body… from tip of toe to the wet hair of the head… rubs the soft palms of his hands all over… says nothing but his gentle but reassuring touches … the rightfully honest and innocent touches… speak out the epic of his intents of innocent nurturance…. his fingers slowly caressing the not yet dry tresses… they communicate the speech of silence… loud and clear – ‘Yes… I am here… for you…’…. a sincere presence itself says a thousand words of assurance…

… may be… when this assuring presence of the one someone makes me cry… may be out of the need to feel more muffled by the warm blanket of his presence beside me… he takes me in… wraps him around my trembling frame… sort of wears me in like a shirt… pulls me so close to his broad chest that my heart skips a few beats… these suffocating moments of synergetic intimacy and body-mutuality should do the magic… my instinctive womanhood assures me, they definitely should…

… the merger of beauty and sincerity… the fusion of intent and intimacy definitely has the magic and marvel… the mystical elixir to rejuvenate the body and soul… one would then feel unburdened by the weight of the scheming mind and stupidly active body…

… may be, this magic shall invite sleep… and beyond the sleep… I imagine… there shall be rejuvenating morning… a dawn of good and fresh beginning …. the natural template for the beauty and freshness of a ‘young beautiful woman barely in her twenties’ to fit in…

…. But… this is no realism… so sad… this is this stupidity of innocent metaphor building of wellness… this is just a dream… not even that… just a scheme of a dream that should be…!

…. The real life is tough and routinely predictable… there are little shoulds in reality… the reality is… you get tired and there is nothing that works right for you… the best you can do is just hang yourself – your weary self , like your shirt and pants… at least for a while… and then…!

 

… I had read a poetry in which a poetess wanted to become like an old oak tree… I think, it is also someway like hanging your being, like your wrinkled and weary shirt… this symbolism of people wanting to become something objectively staid and in stupor like a tree is really strange… may be, I am obsessed but I really think, the poetess must also be tired and exhausted by all things – tangible and intangible around her…

…. I know, many people, especially those, who believe in actionable life and living and have their successes and self-worth defined in terms of their zeal for action-oriented attainments in life, shall label this metaphor of oak tree as absurd and fruitless… you know why…

… they may not be totally wrong… in popular sense of the term, a tree has loads of trouble to face… it has to stand in scorching Sun to extend shade to all… still, it bears fruits and never ever able to taste them… it is taken away by others… this tree is bare and when the seemingly beautiful blue sky dumps its deadly thunder and lightening, it takes it in, protecting those sheltering under the tree… it seems, all troubles of life are there for her and in turn, she only extends the goodies and fruits to all….

… there is however, the flip side of the whole chain of causality… there is definitely something very reassuring, very intensely satisfying, which makes some receptive minds to assert that they would have been better off as an oak tree….

… the same blue sky, which threatens the oak tree with thunder and lightning, also showers on her millions of tiny drops of dews in evening, and each drop wraps her in embrace of love, affection and absolute intimacy… late evening, when she stands in exhausted stupor, all her leaves still and tired, these dew drops and their very reassuring cuddles make her sleep in peace… making her rejuvenated by the dawn…

… by the night… the bright and brilliant benefaction of moon comes to her… he says nothing to her but stays so reassuringly close to her… wraps her in his magnanimity… his sincerity and innocence shines and she thrives on his glow of compassion… he sneaks past her leaves and reaches his soft embrace to her nak