Jody 'plus' Toby by Bassam Imam - HTML preview
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I awakened just after dawn fresh and ready to battle my problems. However, I was also very hungry and thirsty.
I shot out of bet then headed straight to the kitchen where I was able to place a handsome quantity of cat food (chicken, beef, fish) into a large blue bowl. Afterwards, I poured an adequate quantity of milk in my food bowl.
Believe me, I really enjoyed my breakfast! I was one of those lucky cats who lived in a nice home with much food and security. Gosh I even had extended cable service!
As soon as I finished my meal and washed up I heard a knock on the door. I was apprehensive about the matter. Who the heck could it be? I wondered.
As long as it wasn’t Frank I was all right, I guessed. Anyhow, I had to see who it was for the record. So, I leaped up unto the door then held on with my incredible claws.
After looking in the peep hole I determined that it was one of our doormen. We had five in all and thankfully every single one of them was friendly.
“Joey, just give me a second so I can open up the door for you.
After unlocking the door, then opening it I invited Joey into my apartment.
“Joey, how the heck are you? Please come in!”
“Actually, Jody, I was sent here by the manager. I don’t think that you’re in trouble but please come down to ‘the office’.”
I froze in fear and silence! I wondered if Frank was involved in this event. After all, he was the boss. A boss can do much to harm or help others.
“Joey, hold on a second. I need to get my key!”
I ran to the bedroom, grabbed hold of my keys then inserted them into my pouch. That, by the way, is where I place all valuables on my person.
I ran back to Joey then stopped a foot from the door. I slowly closed the door and also made certain that I heard the locking click behind me. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to sneak into my apartment.
As soon as I returned Joey and I continued our walk back to the manager’s office. Although the administration sent the letter it was the manager’s job to actually speak to me about the contents of the letter. As usual, the administration was too high and mighty to speak directly to one of its tenants; especially a little kitty.
“Joey, did you say that the manager appeared happy or angry.”
“Don’t worry, honey! I’ve been working in this building for five years. The manager appeared to be in good spirits. Otherwise, I would’ve noticed any signs of anger on his face.
Thankfully, it turned out to be good news! Apparently, before Sharon had her incident she paid for one full year of rent. Since utilities were included in the rent I had a guaranteed home to live in.
In addition, Sharon had paid for one whole year’s worth of extended cable service from Videotron. With a fat bank account, full fridge, and a kitchen closet full of tons of food I had it made!
I thanked Joey and the manager for the good news. Actually, as soon as Joey and I left the manager’s office I offered him a handsome tip.
“Joey, you’re a good man! I want to give you a tip!|
“Jody, I don’t want a tip! I just want you to leap up unto my chest, give me a kiss, then say those three golden words to me.
Jody, please don’t think that I’m sick. I’m not sick! I just love you very dearly.
Another thing, Jody, can I be your best friend in the whole world?”
“Joey, you know very well that I love you dearly. However, the love position is presently taken by someone else. As for the kiss, brace yourself.”
I leaped up onto Joey’s chest then gave him several kisses on the cheeks and lips. I noticed that didn’t have a ring on his finger so I gave him a few extra kisses to cheer him up.
After all, Joey was a thirty five year-old man who’d never been married. I suspected that he’d never had a close relationship with a woman. Poor guy, he was handsome, polite, hard-working, and he didn’t smoke, drink, or use any kinds of illicit drugs. Actually, Joey never partied.
As soon as I said goodbye to Joey I returned to my apartment. Thankfully, as soon as I entered it I closed the door behind me then leaped onto the nearest couch in sight.
As I was resting on my back and pondering about life a phone call startled me. I answered the phone on the fourth ring. I didn’t want to appear ‘easy’. The caller had to be patient with me. After all, he/she was calling yours truly, and it was my phone and apartment.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
“Jody, it’s me, your best friend in the whole world!
“Jody, how come you can’t recognize that it’s me until I tell you my name?”
“Linda, how can I know that it’s you on the other line? You have ‘display lock’ and until you speak I can’t tell that it’s you.”
“Jody, I’m your best friend in the while world! You’re supposed to know that it is me from my breathing style.”
“Linda, please, can we talk about something else. I want to enjoy my conversation with my best friend in the whole world.”
Linda and I talked about various subjects. It wasn’t until I mentioned my bank account that she gave me good advice to follow.”
“Jody, do you have a joint account with Sharon?”
“Yes, of course I do!”
“Jody ... technically, when she approves she can withdraw all of the money from the account. That little witch would do it! She’d also love to see you evicted from your posh apartment.
Jody, call up the RBC and tell them about Sharon’s abnormal/sickly mental state.
Jody, I’m not being insane, but that little witch will suck every drop of blood out of your account! She’s a psycho case and probably doesn’t even know it!”
I thanked Linda for the good advice and told her that I had to call the bank immediately. After we finished conversing on the phone I drank some water then called up the RBC.
“Hello, Royal Bank of Canada, this is Ellen. How may I help you?”
“Ellen, how are you? My name is Jody Wilson and I have a joint account with Sharon Peabody.”
Thankfully, Ellen had read the Montreal Gazette article about Sharon concerning her ‘psychotic episode’.
Ellen immediately rerouted my call to the bank manager’s office. This was the best thing could have ever happened to me.
The bank manager, George Adamson, gave me sole control over any and all funds that were ‘previously’ in the joint account.
“Jody, don’t you worry about that little ‘psycho-witch’ Sharon Peabody trying to claw her way into ‘your account’. She’s a very despicable person and is not the woman that any decent man should ever take as a wife. Besides, she’s too much of a nut case to have all of that money in her account.
Jody, I’m a good bank manager! Don’t believe anything that the tellers in ‘my bank’ say about me. I’m not sick!
I know they talk about me and are trying to conspire against me because I am the manager. I make more money than they do. I have my own parking space. And I’m chums with the big shots in the main branch of the RBC.
Jody, is there anything else that I, or any of my associates at the RBC?”
“No, Mr. Adamson, I’m completely satisfied with your service!”
“Jody, would you like to have a personal appointment with me? I’ll give you a whole hour and I’ll even take you out for a good, expensive lunch.”
“That’s all right, Mr. Adamson, I’ll take a rain check on that one.”
“Jody, there’s just one more thing. I remember you coming into our bank. You’re a very cute, athletic, intelligent, and vivacious cat.
I understand that you have many good friends and most likely at least one best friend in the world. But if that friend of yours ever dies you can count on me to take his/her place.”
After conversing with Mr. Adamson for fifteen minutes I realized that he had some ‘mental issues’ to resolve.
Anyhow, I wasn’t in a situation to argue with Mr. Adamson or to even tick him off a bit.
After we said our goodbyes I turned off my mini cell phone and then went to the kitchen to celebrate. I fixed myself an old fashioned chocolate soda. Three scoops. Boy did I relish it!
I later called Linda and left a message on her answering machine. Apparently, she wasn’t available.
I was extremely anxious for the following days until Wednesday. You see, I never called Frank. I wasn’t interested in ‘robbing’ my own bank. My dear I had a handsome account therein and the workers had always treated me as a well-respect and loved client. Don’t bite a friendly hand.
Wednesday came and passed without any incident. I was on the alert for any news from television, radio, or internet of a heist in the downtown area, especially at the RBC.
I took a long walk on Wednesday evening in order to brush off the memory of the would-be heist. Believe me when I say that I was anxious, apprehensive, and fearful for my life and health. It was while I was taking my walk that the ‘eureka moment’ entered my mind. Frank Bogey was nothing more than a mobster. He and his chauffeur took advantage of me while I was finishing off my ice cream cone.
A week later, the memory of the intended heist was buried deep into my mind. I no longer thought that Frank and his associates would pull off the job.
On Wednesday exactly a week later I awakened to the sound of my mini cell phone ringing.
After brushing off my drowsiness and rubbing my reddened eyes I pressed the ‘talk button’ then spoke my words.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
“Jody, it’s me, your best friend in the whole world! Or did you already forget me?”
“Linda! How are you?” It’s been several days since we’ve seen each other. Furthermore, we haven’t been talking on the phone much.”
“Jody, I just ate a large breakfast consisting of three eggs, toast, four pancakes, milk, cereal, juice, pop, margarine, syrup, and a large blueberry muffin.
Jody, I’m not sick! I know that you’re thinking that! You think that I’m a bulimia-rexic (alternating bulimia/anorexia)!”
“Honey, please don’t say that! I don’t think that you’re sick. I think you’re a highly energetic, intelligent, and vivacious woman who needs to refuel her ‘burned calories’ as a result of much strenuous activity.”
“Jody, you really think that? I mean, you don’t think that I have some kind of an eating disorder, right?”
“No certainly not!”
“Jody, would you like to meet up today? I feel like going to the library then sitting down in the park and playing ... I mean, talking about things that interest us.”
“Yes, I really would like that! Look, let me eat a nice, nutritious breakfast. Afterwards, I I’ll meet you in front of the WPL at 10:00 A.M. The library will open then. We can go to the library and the park; whichever order you want. Afterwards, we can hit the malls, walk and browse, then eat a nice, tasty meal; how about that Linda?”
“That sounds just fine! I’ll take a nice hot shower, dress up then I’ll be on my way. If I’m a bit late ... Jody ... I don’t want you to befriend another girl. I will consider it a direct attack upon my person and my ego. That little witch will probably get a punch in the nose, too; settled?”
“Yes, everything is settled.”
That wasn’t the first warning sign that I’d had from Linda’s behaviour. I was really worried about her. Come to think of it, I never heard her say anything about an ‘ex’ or a guy that she’s interested in. What about marriage?
I felt that Linda had deep emotional issues that had to be dealt with and combated. However, I had to go slow and easy. Otherwise, she’d probably become psychotic.
Anyhow, I consumed my delicious chocolate soda then drank some water. After I cleaned the kitchen and washed up I made sure that I had plenty of cash in my pouch and my apartment keys.
I left my apartment at 9:30 A.M. I wanted to arrive at the WPL a bit early.
As soon as I exited my apartment building I headed southwards towards Sherbrooke Street. I wasn’t going to take the scenic route. I had a rendezvous with a close friend.
A short while later I crossed Sherbrooke Street then headed east for the WPL. I was very anxious about meeting Linda. At the same time I was hoping for a miraculous cure; a cure for Linda’s psychological problems.
I arrived at my destination ten minutes early. So, I waited patiently for Linda to arrive.
A few minutes later a middle aged woman, with salt and pepper coloured hair, wearing a blue and white outfit approached me. At first, I thought that she wanted to ask me for directions. Soon, it would become clear that that wasn’t the case.
“Hello, are you taken?”
“What do you mean am I taken?”
“Are you owned by anyone? Do you have a home that you can go back to?”
“Of course, I have my own apartment. Why are you inquiring about me?”
“I’m sorry, honey. I thought that you needed some help or something of the sort. After all, you’re standing in front of the library all alone.
Kitty, you’re so cute and innocent looking. Please don’t accept rides from strangers, take money or gifts of any kind from ‘them’, especially food. And most important of all DO NOT GIVE HIM/HER/THEM YOUR NAME OR HOME ADDRESS!
Kitty, I’ve heard nightmarish stories about dogs, cats, and even boys, girls, and adults being kidnapped by creepy individuals.
Kitty, and don’t think that you can outfight them or outrun their vehicle. You may be able to ditch your pursuers by running through a yard, but, don’t assume that when creep/s catch you off guard you’ll automatically know what to do.”
“Thanks for the good advice!”
“Kitty, recently I saw you enter a limo. You were finishing off your ice cream cone and just like that you got in. I know who that fellow who invited you in was. Frank Bogey is a naughty fellow. He’s slept with hundreds of women. He lies about his love for them then he dumps them.
He hurts men by intimidating and/or beating them to a pulp. This Frank Bogey never tells anyone ‘I love you’ unless he has an ace up his sleeve. He needs something from ‘that person’ and in the end ‘that person’ will suffer immensely.
“Thanks for the stern warning. I’ll make sure to be careful from now on.
By the way, are you going into the library?”
“Yes, I’m going in. Would you like to join me?”
As soon as the woman asked me that question I took notice of Linda approaching us. Linda’s eyes appeared reddened and she was wearing the ‘fighting expression’ on her face.
I had to get rid of the woman or else all hell would’ve broken loose! But not before the woman told me another thing or two.
“Kitty, my girlfriends and I have a network going. We get together once a week, usually on Tuesdays, for fun, chatting, and eating. I live a few blocks away from the WPL, and so do my other friends.
Kitty, you and that woman who obviously thinks that you’re hers are welcome to join our group.
I think I better go inside before your angry friend goes ballistic on me. By the way, I’m not trying to steal you away from your friend.
I’m a perfectly normal woman who has high self-esteem. I’m not like those other girls who need to be loved by everyone; especially the ones who need to be someone’s best friend all the time.”
Judging from the expression and tone of voice of the woman she did in fact need to be someone’s best friend in the whole world. She was too embarrassed and shy to ask me. So, I made a compromise. I couldn’t give it all to her, but I did give her something.
“Miss, you can be a good friend of mine. I’m sorry, but that young woman over there who’s fast approaching us is my actual best friend in the whole world.”
“Thanks, but if your friend dies, can I be your best friend in the whole world?”
“Yes, you can! But I love my friend dearly! I don’t want her to die!”
“Kitty, I want her to die!”
That woman gave me the creeps. Thankfully, she entered the library just in time.”
“Jody Wilson, please follow me to the children’s playground!”
I understood that Linda was pissed off at me. She probably thought that the woman I was conversing with was a secret best friend or something. Besides, Linda doesn’t like it when another woman enters her domain. In this case, it is her special relationship with me.
I followed Linda to the children’s playground, which by the way is located in the park the library is situated in.
Linda sat down on a bench then motioned me to sit beside her. Then an extremely bazaar thing happened. Linda stuck her thumb inside her mouth. She was regressing back to childhood. But that’s not all. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was definitely crying.
Linda and I sat on the bench for fifteen minutes before she pulled her thumb out of her mouth and spoke.
“Jody, you broke my heart! How could you cheat on me with that witch?”
“Linda, I don’t understand what you mean by ‘cheated’. That woman took notice of me because I was alone. She was worried about me. She inquired about me and when she was convinced that I was okay she entered the library.”
Linda resumed her bout of crying. But this time it was with a vengeance. Her eyes were bloodshot and she began to hyperventilate. Also, she started to shiver violently. Not quite at the seizure level but getting there.
It was imperative that I do something to stop Linda from having a grand mal seizure or a full-blown breakdown of her mental state; usually referred to as a mental breakdown.
I leaped up onto Linda’s chest then began to paw her face and rub the side of my face against hers.
In essence, I was telling her that she was mine because I loved her and that I was sorry for any misunderstanding.
It took a minute or so for the gradual improvement of Linda’s emotional state. I continued my work for another minute before giving Linda a soft kiss on the chin.
“Jody, let’s play on the monkey bars, the swing, the minimerry-go-round, the see-saw, and at all of the other stations.”
I was shocked! Linda had regressed back to childhood. In effect, this was ‘reverse development’ on an incredible level. I did not believe that Linda had multiple personality or split personality problems.
At no time did she ever behave as another person or address herself by another name. Unfortunately, I was to see more of Linda’s personality during our stay at the park.
Linda and I walked over to the pull-up bar. I got up first. Thankfully, I was able to perform thirteen pull-ups.
When it came to Linda’s turn she couldn’t even do one single pull-up. I didn’t like that!
Being a single female who lives alone, Linda had to learn how to defend herself and be confident. Weaklings get pushed around in this world. Potential rape victims get raped.
We went to one station after another. I’m sorry to say this but Linda wasn’t athletic. She used the playground ‘like a typical weakling girl’. I had to be her mentor and friend. There would be no room for mocking or smirking.
Thankfully, the park had been empty of humans. I mean, there was no one there to make fun of Linda.
“Jody, let’s go and sit over there next to the drinking fountain.”
“I need water! Let’s go!”
Thankfully, Linda and I got our fill of water. We felt like automobiles getting a fill-up.
We sat down on a bench then enjoyed the scenery for a short while. Then, things started to get weird again.
“Jody, do you see that squirrel over there near the waterfall?”
“Yes, I certainly do.”
“He’s laughing at me! He’s laughing at me because I’m biracial! I know it, I just know it! He’s even enjoying his food, watching the spectacle. It’s like he’s in a movie theatre eating popcorn and enjoying the comedy show.”
“Linda, honey, he’s not laughing at you because you’re biracial. He’s probably very thankful and happy to have a good meal in front of him. Squirrels must eat a lot because they’re active, especially before the winter season. They must fatten up in order to survive.”
“Jody, you’re acting like I’m paranoid! I’m not sick! I’m not like those other girls who’re paranoid. I’m just not like them!”
I leaped unto Linda’s chest then gave her a big hug. When that didn’t work I gave her a big kiss. Still, that didn’t work either, so I rubbed the side of my face against hers. Unbelievably, Linda still needed more comforting. So, I gently pawed her face and told her that I love her.
“Okay, Linda, let’s go over there to the waterfall and speak to the squirrel. You’ll know for certain that he isn’t laughing at you.”
Linda and I cautiously approached the squirrel. Just in case, we didn’t want him to think that we were trying to attack or otherwise harm him.
As soon as we were within speaking distance I began a conversation with the squirrel.
“Hello, how are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you. What about your beautiful friend?”
“Oh my dear, do you really think that I’m beautiful, or are you trying to make me feel good after you finished laughing at me?”
“Excuse me but I don’t understand what you mean by laughing at you. I’m very excited at having all of this food within reach. An elderly couple gave me all of this food. I must eat whatever I can and hide whatever I can before ‘the others’ take notice of it.
By the way, would you gals like to join me? If so, please carry this food to the gazebo over there. We can enjoy our food in privacy.”
“Honey, I just need to ask you a question or two. Do you swear ... squirrel’s honour that you weren’t laughing at me because I’m biracial?”
“Yes, I swear! We in the squirrel world do not have racism or any kind of discrimination based on ‘race’.
“We have black squirrels in Ottawa. When one of them arrives in Montreal he/she must abide by the same squirrel rules that anyone else does. It’s ‘you people’ ... humans who are the ‘utmost masters’ of racism and discrimination. Mind you, I’m not saying that the squirrel world is perfect. We too have our problems just like all other creatures on this planet.
Honey, like I told you, I think that you are very beautiful. Your ‘extra eyelid folds’ may you look cuter along with your European half, you’ve got the best of both worlds. You’re like that little cutie in the television show SMALLVILLE.
Besides, I think that you may have a deep-seated problem that has nothing to do with your being biracial.”
“See, I told you so! Linda he wasn’t laughing at you!
Oh, by the way, I’m Jody Wilson and this is my best friend in the whole world Linda Wang. We are glad to meet you. It’s our pleasure and happiness to meet people like you, always!”
“Gosh you gals are really making my day! I’m Chipper. I don’t have a family name because my parents died when I was young. All I remember is my first name. Anyhow, I was taken under the wings of the pigeons of this park. This park, Westmount Park, is my home. I move to another park. I just can’t!”
We joined Chipper in his smorgasbord meal. It was very tasty and nutritious. But, it happened again.
“Chipper I know that I eat a lot, but I’m not like those other girls. I don’t binge or stick my finger deep into my throat.
See, look at my knuckles. There are no calluses or bite marks on them. Now look at me teeth. They’re healthy.”
Chipper and I braced ourselves for a hurricane’s worth of mental illness.
“GUYS, THOSE OTHER GIRLS WHO STICK THEIR FINGERS DEEP INTO THEIR THROATS AND VOMIT THEIR FOOD HAVE UNHEALTHY-LOOKING TEETH! ALL THAT STOMACH ACID IS DANGEROUS WHEN IT GOES UP! IT CAN CAUSE DAMAGE THE STOMACH, OESOPHAGUS, MOUTH, AND EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL HEATLTH AND WELL-BEING! FURTHERMORE, I’M NOT DEPRESSED! I DON’T SELF-BADGER, I DON’T HAVE INTERRUPTED SLEEP! I DON’T HAVE BOY IMAGE PROBLEMS! I’VE NEVER BEEN MOLESTED! ALTHOUGH I’VE ALWAYS BEEN SINGLE AND HAVE NEVER LOVED A MAN I KNOW THAT I CAN HAVE ONE IF I CAN! I’M NOT SENSITIVE TO WHAT OTHERS THINK OR SAY ABOUT ME! I’M NOT PARANOID! I DON’T SIT UP IN BED LATE AT NIGHT STARING AT THE CIELING! I’M NOT AFRAID OF DYING! I’M NOT A SELFABUSER OR CUTTER! UNLIKE THOSE OTHER GIRLS I UNDERSTAND THAT I MUST HAVE SOME BODY FAT ON ME, OTHERWISE I’LL GET REALLY SICK! I DON’T WISH TO BE A LITTLE GIRL AGAIN! I CAN HANDLE LIFE’S PROBLEMS! I CAN STOP DRINKING HIGH CAFFEINATED DRINKS IF I WANT TO, BUT I DON’T WANT TO SO I’LL KEEP ON DOING IT! I’VE NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH A PSYCHIATRIC OR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM; REALLY! I HAVE NO WELTS OR BRUISES ON MY BODY! I’M NOT AFRAID TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, I JUST DON’T WANT TO! I’M NOT ASHAMED OF MY CHEST! I KEEP GETTING FIRED FROM MY JOBS NOT BECAUSE I’M INCOMPETENT BUT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO WORK THEIR ANYWAY! I’M NOT SUICIDAL! I’VE NEVER REGRESSED BACK TO CHILDHOOD! I’M NOT SICK!”
As soon as Linda ended her long ‘don’ts’ she sat down, stuck her thumb in her mouth then she began to cry. Unfortunately, there was more. All I can say is that we were very lucky that nobody was around. A patrol car or a security van would’ve been our worst nightmare!
“”Guys, look, I want you to see how beautiful I am!”
“Linda, we know how beautiful you are! Please, let’s talk about something nice or funny.”
“Jody, you’re badgering me! Please don’t hurt my feelings. Now let me continue, please!
Linda was going nuts on us. She did the unthinkable. She stripped right before our very own eyes then demanded an impartial critique of her body.
“Guys, I’ll be like those other girls, the ones who make it in the fashion industry.
We tried to stop Linda to no avail. She was intent on stripping and swirling around like a carousel. She wanted us to get a birds-eye view of what she looked like.
“Guys, am I not as beautiful as those celebrity femmes who are in Hollywood? I should be there with them! It’s not fair! Why should I have to stay here while my ‘comrades’ receive all of the fame, glory, and money?”
Chipper and I understood that if anyone called 911 we’d all be taken down to the station. Linda would be taken to psychiatric lock-up, indefinitely. So, we had to speed up the game. Linda was naked; even her socks had been removed.
“Yes, honey, Chipper and I think that you are incredibly beautiful! You belong in Hollywood with all of those celebrity actresses.”
“Thanks guys, now which part of my body is the most beautiful?”
“You are beautiful inside and out! Why don’t you dress up so we can take a walk? We’ll come back to visit Chipper at a later date.”
“Guys, I sense that you’re trying to rush me! You don’t like seeing my ugly body! Is that it?!”
“Umm ... no ... honey ... we don’t mean that at all!”
Thankfully, Linda calmed down then put her close back on. As soon as we left Westmount Park I began to have regrets about my friendship with Linda. She was now becoming a burden upon me; a very incredible burden, for that matter.
ANOTHER FLESHY ANDROID
I was trying to think up of some case scenarios for our split-up. Linda was now more troublesome to me then Sharon Peabody.
As we were walking home I noticed that Linda appeared depressed. I wondered why.
“Linda, what is the problem?”
“Jody, I don’t want to be like those other girls.” “I know that you’re not like those other girls; you told me
“No, I’m talking about those other girls who live their
entire lives single without ever having and children. I’m
getting older every single day”
“Look, let’s head back and go to the WPL. I think that I
can find what you’re looking for.”
For some reason I felt sorry for Linda again. My doubts
about our friendships faded away quickly. I felt love and
apprehension towards her.
As soon as we entered the WPL I motioned Linda to follow me
to the elevators.
A short while later we were on the upper floor sitting near
a window that gave us a glimpse of the park below us. I was
waiting for a library worker or better yet, the head librarian,
to come upstairs. I was ready to inquire about a fleshy android.
I was really hoping that this time it would work!
As for Linda I seriously doubted that she could ever find a
normal ‘Mr. Right’. She needed a fleshy android. That’s why I
decided to tell her about the fleshy androids. However, I did
tell her not to get her hopes up too high. We had to know for
certain that they were being manufactured then we had to find
the seller, and finally the price would have to be within our
After telling her about the fleshy androids I continued my
mini-biography. By the time my story was finished Linda knew
about my inter-dimensional travels.
Barely a few seconds later the head librarian; a biracial
(Chinese/European), middle aged woman who had giant thighs, a
large behind, and salt and pepper hair.
I noticed that she didn’t have a marriage ring on her
finger. Therefore, she’d I assumed that she’d be more
sympathetic to our plight.
As I approached the head librarian my pulse and blood
pressure rose. I was apprehensive and anxious.
“Excuse me, madam can I have a word with you?”
“Certainly honey! I’m Andrea Andrews the head librarian.
How may I help you?”
“I’m Jody Wilson, and the beautiful woman sitting over
there is my best friend in the whole world, Linda Wang. I can see that you’re biracial ... I mean ... Chinese and
European mix, like Linda. So, I’m certain that you’ll go the
extra mile for us.
You see, I’m desperately trying to find a husband for
Linda. I’m searching for a fleshy android. I understand that
intelligent librarians like you have a broad range of knowledge;
especially secret knowledge.”
“Jody, I want you to use your incredible feline senses to
make sure that nobody, other than the three of us are on this
floor. I’ll tell you, but be aware that it’s against the law to
manufacture, advertise, or otherwise increase the sales or
knowledge of the presence of fleshy androids in Canada. Severe
penalties include banishment to Baffin Island or Hershel, Yukon
without any possibility of return.
I want ten thousand dollars in cash, unmarked and noncrispy bills, the bills can’t smell new, and I accept twenty dollar bills and nothing else. I want the cash to be slid through the slot in my door. In case you don’t know, my office
is right there!”
“What about the sisterhood? What about your racial harmony
with my friend Linda? What about empathy and sympathy?” “Honey, these things that you talk about are nice in
dreamland, but there’s no mercy when it comes to money. I want
my ten big ones before I help you!
Jody, I’m not a corrupt head librarian! And I’m not sick,
either! I need this money for a long planned vacation. I want to
visit every single province in the country on my next vacation.” “When do want us to bring the money?”
“Bring it on Friday evening after 7:00 P.M. The library’s
kind of empty during this time.”
“All right, I’ll speak to Linda. But, what kind of
assurance can we have that you’re not bluffing us.”
Andrea removed her wallet from her purse then withdrew to
pictures. Afterwards, she knelt down then showed me a picture of
her holding hands with an extremely handsome man; her husband.
In the other picture Andrea was holding hands with two men, her
husband and another handsome man; her boyfriend.
“Jody, look at me! Do you think that I could ever have two
men like these fellows in my life under normal circumstances? These two men are fleshy androids! There was a brief period
of time when fleshy androids were being ordered by Canadian
women. Unfortunately, that all stopped with the passing of the
anti-fleshy android law. Now, fleshy androids are extremely
difficult to come by.
Jody, I’m going to have a nervous breakdown! Please, let’s
sit over there in the corner. We can pretend that it’s my
office. I’m not sick! I said ‘pretend’ like make believe. Please
don’t think ‘lowly’ of my mental state. I’m an intelligent and
articulate woman who’s in charge of a respectable library! I gave Linda a wave of my paw and a wink. She understood
that I had important business with the head librarian. Linda was
to patiently wait until I was finished.
I followed Andrea to the secluded corner then leaped onto
her chest. Afterwards, I braced myself for a thousand tears.
Also, I suspected that Andrea had some serious ‘mental problems’
“Jody, I know that my fleshy android men aren’t real! Sure,
the sex is fantastic but when I command them to send me the
‘three golden words’ (I love you) they do it automatically. I
know that it’s just not real!
Also, Jody, I’ve read a zillion books about dating,
marriage, relationships, and guaranteed pickup lines and
‘correct behaviour’. None of them worked!
Jody, just look at me! I’m a fat, overworked, over the
hill, gray-haired, ugly, nerd! Also, I have identity issues with
my biracial appearance. People on the bus and in the metro
trains stare at me because they’re trying to determine if I’m
pure or if there’s some white in me.
I can’t take it anymore! Please help me! And ... please
don’t tell anyone, especially my ‘female’ co-workers. They’ll
make fun of me behind my back and call me a nymphomaniac witch.
They don’t understand how I feel! I need two full-time partners
to satisfy my large appetite! I’m not sick!”
“Andrea, you’re very beautiful, intelligent, remarkable,
and fun to be with. But if you’d be more thankful about having
two subservient partners I think that things will get better.” “Oh my dear, do you really think that I’m beautiful ...
“Yes, honey, I think that you are very beautiful!” “Jody what about my biracial features? I’m like your best
friend in the whole world.”
“Andrea, your biracial features make you look very cute and
beautiful at the same time. Your white side is beautiful and
your Asian side is very cute. You’re like a beautiful/cute cat;
Jody, when you return to Linda tell her that I have waved
my fee. But, there’s more. Can I be your second best friend in
the whole world?”
“Yes, you can be my second best friend in the whole world.” “And if Linda were to suddenly die then I could be your
best friend in the whole world?”
“Yes, I’ll make you my best friend in the whole world. Now
as to the fleshy android sale, what can you tell me?” “As far as I know there may only be two or three of them
left. The ‘underground’ was infiltrated by the RCMP and the
Jody, you can tell your friend that a fleshy android
husband or mate is well worth it.
Jody, sometimes I spend the whole night with both of them,
together. Fleshy androids are pre-programmed. They don’t tire
easily and they’re well-behaved. That’s good for me!
Jody, to get a fleshy android you must go to the Georges
Vanier Library (GVL) near Lionel Groulx Metro. The middle man
works in ‘the area’. Gary will ask for a full payment of twenty
five thousand dollars up front. I’m sorry, but that’s how much
it’ll cost you. With the authorities breathing down their necks and with only two or three fleshy androids left you don’t have a
If you want I can arrange a meeting with him right now.” “Yes, please do that. I want to set Linda up with Mr. Right
before she goes nuts on me. Believe me I’ve seen it happen to
Andrea pulled out her cell phone then called Gary. “Hello, Gary, this is Andrea. How many more ‘of them’ do
you have left?
Oh my dear just one more! Okay, then can you arrange a sale
today? No, you can’t it must be this Friday at 8:00 P.M.?” I cropped up my incredible feline ears and tuned in to what
was being said from the other side.
“Yes, Andrea, I’ll make this sale then it is game over! I
don’t want to do this anymore. I have a decent, career job at
the library. I don’t need prison time in my precious life.” “Thanks Gary and I’ll see you very soon ... hopefully!” “Jody, there’s just one important thing about this fleshy
android business. And, you mustn’t ignore this fact. Otherwise,
big problems will ensue. Please listen to me carefully and
convey the ‘exact message’ to Linda.”
Unfortunately, the fire alarm rang at that very moment. It
startled both of us.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The fire alarm went off with a vengeance. Andrea asked me
to leave the WPL with Linda, immediately. A short while later,
Linda and I exited the library and headed home.
On our way home I explained to Linda the facts regarding
the fleshy android and also offered to pay the entire fee.
Thankfully, she agreed.
“Jody, let’s take a direct path home. I’m tired and jittery
from our day’s stressful events. Hopefully, by Friday we’ll be
well-rested and ready to make the purchase.”
Linda and I walked up a steep hill then turned left
straight for home.
By the time we entered my apartment there was nothing to do
but crash out. We were out for many hours. I don’t even remember
getting up to relieve myself or to drink water.
Upon awakening I saw Linda hovering over my bed. Gosh I got
the jitters, instantly! The shock of her standing there over me
made me jump out of bed. I ended up landing on the carpet with
ears erect, eyes wide open, claws extended, and baring my
canines. It wasn’t anger, but an inherent reflex action designed
to protect felines.
“Linda, please don’t do that again!”
“Do what, honey?”
“You’re hovering over me while I’m asleep. Cats don’t like
“I’m sorry, Jody, please don’t take it personally. I love
you so much that just looking at your cute, wonderful face perks
me up like caffeine. I noticed that your eyes were shifting back
and forth. What were you dreaming about?”
I felt that Linda’s question was a bit too intrusive. My
dreams are my own business unless otherwise stated.
“Linda, let’s go to the living room and talk about whatever
comes to mind. On Friday, we have a big, secret mission to
“Yes, let’s go to the living room right now. Afterwards, we
can eat then watch some television.”
We went to the living room; I sat on the sofa while Linda
reclined on a Lazy Boy chair. Thankfully, both of us were comfy. “Jody, this fleshy android fellow, will he behave like a
real life husband?”
“Of course he will, but he’ll also have incredible stamina
and endurance and he won’t talk back to you. Also, you won’t
have to worry about him cheating on you. He’ll be a one woman
Jody, I just want a husband. I want someone to call ‘my
husband’ in front of those other girls. I know they’ll be
envious but they’ll know exactly how I feel when they do it to
Jody, I’m not a vindictive little witch, or an envious
wench like those other girls.
Jody, I’m not sick! I just want someone to love me and to
be my husband! I want him to impregnate me over and over again!
I want to walk around this city pregnant so I can ‘punish’ those
other girls who tormented me with their big smiles and distended
Jody, I need the three golden words, right now!” “Okay, Linda, I love you! I think that you are a wonderful
person who deserves to find Mr. Right immediately. I’d love to
meet him. Then, I’ll have two incredible friends.
A short while later, Linda and I ordered an extra large
pizza, fully dressed, with a six pack of pop (special deal), and
we ate a complete lemon meringue pie that was ‘waiting’ for us
in the fridge.
I like having Linda over so much I invited her over until
after she got married.
Linda and I took it easy until Friday. On that day we could
think about nothing other than the fleshy android.
Upon awakening on Friday morning we ate a light breakfast
then took a short walk.
At 5:00 P.M. we had a small, early supper consisting of a
burger, French fries, a small drink, and a small dessert each.
But we also made sure to drink some water. We anticipated a long
night ahead of us. Getting to the GVL was on the first step; we
had several more before the acquisition of the fleshy android. As we were preparing to leave my apartment a shocker hit me
like a ton of bricks! I’d forgotten about the money!
Thankfully, when Sharon and I were living together we put a
small fortune inside our safe. As soon as Sharon was neutralized
I became the sole owner of the apartment and everything therein,
including the contents inside the safe.
“Linda, please follow me to the study room. I have
something very important to show you.”
Upon entering the study room I walked over to a painting of
mount McKinley then pawed the painting until it fell onto the
ground. Thankfully, the painting was made of sturdy material. “Linda, please bring that chair over here. I need to stand
on it in order to open the safe.”
“Sure, honey! I hope that we’ll have enough money for the
“Don’t worry I have a small fortune inside this safe;
several hundred thousand dollars.”
Linda brought the chair to me then I leaped up onto it.
Then, another shocker hit me! In all of the confusion, I forgot
the combination. I’d forgotten where I hid the slip containing
the combination for the safe.
There was no time for pondering. I had to get the safe
opened! Unfortunately, even with my incredible feline auditory
senses it wasn’t enough. I needed to find a trustworthy canine;
not a bloodhound with droopy ears. I needed a dog with good
There was one trustworthy dog in the building; a Doberman
pinscher with naturally cropped ears. His name was Hans von
Dogger. Hans was a very friendly dog, born in Frankfurt,
Although Hans spoke with a German accent he was brought to
Canada as a juvenile. His owner, a Mr. Craig Hauser, was a
retired engineer who decided to spend his retirement in Canada. After quickly explaining my predicament to Linda she agreed
that I had to get Hans here immediately!
I exited my apartment then ran to the elevators. After
pressing the ‘UP’ button I waited impatiently for the elevator
Thankfully, everything went smoothly. I was knocking on
Hans’s door a short while later.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, Jody Wilson! Please open the door! It’s
imperative that I speak to Hans, immediately!”
A few seconds later, Mr. Hauser opened the door then
invited me into his apartment.
Mr. Hauser’s apartment was a delight to look at. Everything
from the carpet to the furniture was stunning. Even the
chandeliers were delightful.
Mr. Hauser loved his giant screen television set, stereo
system, and aquarium.
“Mr. Hauser, may I borrow Hans for a short while. You see,
there’s a problem with my safe. I seem to have forgotten the
combination and also the place where I hid the slip that
contains the combination numbers.”
“Honey, I’ll allow Hans to help you but I demand that I be
your second best friend in the whole world! I understand that
Linda is now your best friend in the whole world. In addition,
if she were to suddenly die, I should take her ‘title’.” “Okay Mr. Hauser, I agree to your request. Please allow me
to borrow Hans for a short while.”
“Hans! Please come here! Your friend Jody needs your help!” Immediately, Hans ran to the living room to greet me. As
soon as he saw me He kissed me on the cheeks then gently pawed
my face several times. I know as a fact that Hans loved me. I’m
not saying this because it makes me feel better, it’s an actual
We went to my apartment to get the job done. This time,
however, we had to take the stairs. For some unknown reason the
elevators were too slow.
Upon entering my apartment I asked Hans to follow me into
the study room.
As soon as Hans saw the bare safe he understood what had to
be done. Without asking me he went ahead and did what he had to. Hans placed his right ear on the safe then slowly moved the
revolving knob in the right direction.
After each click Hans turned to face me then smiled. I
understood that he was kind of showing off his skills. But, he
also wanted to help me.
After three clicks Hans pulled the lever up then out.
Eureka! My safe was open!
Hans took two steps backward to allow me to pass. I was
then able to leap onto the edge of the safe then remove whatever
I wanted to.
With my right paw firmly holding my body in place I
extended my left paw and grabbed one stack of twenties then
another, gently dropping them to the carpet each time. When I finished I turned my body sideways then leaped onto
the carpet. Instantly, Hans closed the safe then he picked up the painting and carefully placed it on the wall making sure
that it was straight and secure.
“Hans, here, have a stack of twenties for your excellent
work. I can’t give you anything less.”
“Jody, don’t worry about it! I love you so much! This one
is on me. I’m certain that you need this money very badly for an
important reason. Therefore, I can’t ask you for any money. However, I’d like to have a large bowl of dog food in milk.
I want it to look like a large bowl of Corn Flakes.”
“Certainly, I think that Linda and I can fix that for you.” Without a second’s delay Linda went to the kitchen,
prepared Hans’s meal then returned with it. But she didn’t place
it on the carpet. After allowing Hans to see and smell the food
she waved him over to the kitchen.
Hans ate his meal with delight! He was so happy that he
gave us each a kiss. Linda blushed, well ... so did I. A short while later Hans left my apartment fully satiated
and happy to have seen me and to have met Linda.
It was now time to go to the GVL. We had our money and
some. That is, an extra ten thousand dollars just in case there
were other charges or the price rose. After all, it was the last
fleshy android around.
Linda and I left my apartment then went downstairs to the
lobby. As soon as we got there Linda convinced me to sit down
with her for fifteen minutes. She was right. We needed to have
one more rest; even if it was a mini-rest.
“Jody, do you want to leave? I think that we’ve rested up
enough. Also, we don’t want to be in a rush when we get there.
Being in a rush makes it more likely to make a mistake.” “Yes, Linda, let’s go. If anyone asks us where we’re going
we’ll just say that we’re taking a long walk for health’s sake. Linda and I put the money in her shoulder bag then left the
apartment building a bit jittery but with high hopes. As we walked away from the apartment building I quickly
glanced back, anticipating that for the next several days
there’d be three of us living together.
Although I’d invited Linda to stay over for as long as she
needed, I assumed that she’d want to be alone with her husband. Thankfully, it was nice out. The trees, grass, and homes in
our neighbourhood give me a relaxed feeling. I’ve always wanted
to be a rich cat. Uppity cats are generally much happier than
those that are on the streets. Mind you, there are always
exceptions; abuse (mental or physical), or declawing can destroy
a cat’s life regardless of where he/she lives.
Linda and I continued walking on the mountain until we
reached the area of descent. That’s where we took a sharp left
turn then descended down a long street.
Thankfully, at least for the first part of our walk there
would be no hills in sight. It was all downhill or straighthorizontal streets.
A short while later we entered Westmount Park. We headed
straight for the water fountain and then each had our fill. We
just wanted to make sure that thirst wouldn’t be a problem for
After having our fill Linda and I cut through the park then
proceeded to Atwater Street. Upon arriving we took a sharp right
then descended until we reached Lionel Groulx Metro plus an
extra block south.
We took a sharp right then walked until reaching a ball
park. After walking to the other side we reached the Georges
Vanier Library building.
Linda, what time is it?”
“Jody, it is 7:45 P.M.”
“How time can sometimes pass so quickly! I can’t believe
that we got here fifteen minutes early. Do you think that Gary
will be early like us or late?”
Before Linda could answer my question Gary answered my
“Girls, I’m already here! Please, let’s go inside. I think
that you should use the restroom first before our drive.” We did as Gary requested and also drank some more water. I
think our apprehension made us thirsty. Too bad, there was no
time to browse through the book shelves. But before we left I
took notice of some X-Files DVDs that would be good for a later
date, but certainly not for the moment.
“Girls, I just need your first names. In this business
that’s all we want to know. So please tell me ‘who’ you are.” “I’m Jody Wilson and this is my best friend in the whole
world Linda Wang.”
“Girls thanks for the intros. Now, please follow me to my
car. But, I must insist on one thing. After we get in both of
you must be blindfolded. The place that I’m taking you to is a
former production facility. The last thing we need is a big raid
by the RCMP or the Montreal Police. Furthermore, we may want to
sell the place in the future. It’ll bring in much money. My
share will be a few hundred thousand dollars or more.
Considering that it’ll be tax-free, it’s a darn good deal!” We followed Gary into his car then reluctantly allowed him
to blindfold us.
Gary turned on the ignition then drove away. Although it
took us an hour to arrive at our destination my incredible
feline senses alerted me to the fact that we were going around
in circles, squares, and ovals.
Gary slowed down his car, pulled into a garage then turned
off his ignition.
Afterwards, he told me to cling onto Linda’s back as soon
as we exited his car. He would lock arms with her and slowly
walk her to the facility. Because of our desperate situation we
agreed to his demands. However, we did so reluctantly. A short while later we entered a building. Gary told us to
be patient as he walked us through a very long hallway inside
the facility. The ‘facility’ smelled like a factory.
After entering through three parting doors Gary told Linda
to stop. He removed our blindfolds then asked us to have a seat
until he returned with the ‘specialist’.
“Jody, do you think that it’s safe in here? I mean, like,
umm ... where are we? Maybe I should peek through that window
“Don’t do that! If Gary or the ‘others’ in this facility
find out that we’ve discovered the location of this facility who
knows what they’ll do to us? I think that best thing to do under
the circumstances is to stay put.
Look, we’re probably being watched right this moment. Also,
we should keep our voices down, if you know what I mean.” Linda and I patiently waited for fifteen minutes before the
The specialist was a middle-aged, unattractive, chubby
woman. She was wearing a white trench coat; the kind that
physicians and scientists wear.
I felt sorry for her because she’d never been cute or
beautiful. Anyway, she did have brains.
“Linda, Jody, please come with me. Oh, my name is Dr. Julia
You probably think that I’m like those other girls who
can’t get a man. And, you probably think that that’s why I work
That’s not true! I’m a very successful orthopaedic surgeon
who just wants to make a bit of extra money. Why can’t I do
that? Besides, I really can get a man if I wanted to. But, I
In a split second, Dr. Julia grinned then gave Linda a big
hug and a kiss on each cheek.
“What about me?”
Dr. Julia responded to my question by getting on one knee
then giving me a kiss between the ears.
“Linda, you husband, Bob Gainer is in room number five.
Please follow me.”
A short while later, we entered room number five. As soon
as we cast our eyes upon Bob, Linda fainted. I was pretty
certain I knew why.
Bob was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. He was worth
every penny that I spent on him. Yes, I was the one who
purchased him, not Linda!
“Are you Linda, my wife?”
“Linda needs a few minutes to recover from the shock of
seeing you. She and I were expecting to see a mediocre-looking
man. You’re drop dead gorgeous, by human standards; not by
feline standards, however.”
Linda awakened a few minutes later groggy but alert and
“Where’s my husband?! I want to make love to my husband,
Dr. Julia and I chuckled. We knew that Linda was
‘desperate’ but not to that extreme.
“Honey, there’s your husband right there! Now, we can
become a happy Canadian family. Please don’t stand up until
you’ve completely recovered.
“Thanks for loving me so much, honey. I don’t know what I’d
do without you ... oh ... and Bob, my beloved husband.” We thanked Dr. Julia then waited for Gary to return.
Thankfully, we only had to wait for ten minutes.
“Okay, girls, you know the drill! We’ll go through those
doors then I’ll have to blindfold you for the entire return
Our return trip went smoothly. However, the four of us
didn’t say a word while we were in Gary’s car. The job had been
complete and we were tired. Well, not all of us ... Bob appeared
Gary dropped us off in front of Lionel Groulx Metro
station. That was considerate of him. Otherwise, we would’ve had
to walk from there to the metro station.
Anyhow, Bob offered to carry piggyback Linda for the entire
walk back home.
“Honey, would you like a piggyback for the entire trip
“Certainly, you’re an incredible person!”
“Kitty, I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to my
I felt a big knot in my stomach. I was no longer number one
to Linda. Neither was I number one to Bob. I felt like an
outcast; a desperate outcast for that matter.
We ended up taking the train to Vendome Metro. As soon as
we arrived at our station we decided to go ahead and walk the
rest of the way. The main obstacle for Linda and I was the
‘steep hill’. It was a bitch and a half to walk.
Although our walk took us considerably longer than usual we
finally made it back home.
As soon as Linda showed signs of fatigue Bob kissed her
hand then hoisted her into a piggyback position.
Linda was very lucky that she had a husband who was capable
of ‘piggybacking’ her up a hill.
After we scaled the hill we turned left and proceeded
westward for several blocks. Finally, we arrived home! We were lucky because the doorman on duty was nowhere to be
seen. Linda and I weren’t in the mood to answer twenty five
questions about Bob.
As soon as we entered my apartment Linda pointed to ‘my
bedroom’ then asked Bob to enter it and disrobe.
I knew what was on Linda’s mind. But why didn’t she ask me
for permission first. It was my damn apartment!
“Jody, Bob and I are going to begin our honeymoon in our
bedroom. Please do not interrupt us. If you do, I’ll really be
ticked off at you.”
After Linda spoke she began to laugh like a madwoman. I
didn’t quite understand why. But, she didn’t appear normal.
Something clicked inside of her. Not that she was always
completely normal beforehand.
“Honey, this is my apartment! You must ask me first before
allowing your husband to enter my bedroom!”
“Jody, I thought that I was your best friend in the whole
world! Remember, we’re a happy Canadian family now. You are now
my little sister; the one that I so desperately need. Anyway,
since when does a woman have to ask her little sister if she can
enter a bedroom?”
“Linda, my beloved sister please enter our bedroom and make
love my brother in law. I hope that everything turns out just
right with us.
Linda, take your time with Bob. If you need to take the
whole night, I’ll sleep here in the living room or in the study
It was already midnight, and I was very hungry. Linda was
too pre-occupied on her wedding night. Actually, there was no
ceremony, but, Bob was still her husband. The Quebec paperwork
regarding marriage could wait a few days.
I wished Linda the best of luck in her marriage then I went
to the kitchen to satisfy my palate and to end the crushing
gnawing in my stomach.
I ended up eating a large tuna sandwich, a Polish pickle,
potato salad, caffeinated pop, milk, and some vanilla ice cream. After eating and cleaning up I decided to return the living
room and watch some television.
I watched television for roughly two hours before falling
asleep. Meanwhile, Linda and Bob were still going at it. I knew for a fact that Linda was ‘frustrated’. She needed to rid
herself of the frustration.
Thankfully, everything went just fine for the following
three weeks. That’s when Linda and Bob thanked me dearly for my
incredible hospitality. I gave me ‘welcome’ then my goodbye. Although Linda and Bob moved out of my apartment they only
lived a few blocks away from me. I also needed a rest too. WHERE’S MY BABY!
The weeks turned into months with nothing very exciting going on in my life, until A Monday morning phone call that shocked me with delight.
It was 11:00 A.M. and I’d just finished eating a late morning breakfast.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
“Jody, this is your best friend in the whole world, Linda Wang! Don’t you recognize my voice?”
“Oh my dear, how the heck are you?”
“I’m so happy to see you!
Jody, guess what? I’m pregnant with Bob’s child! We just got back from Dr. Burgess’s office. I’m expecting in seven months!
Jody, thank you so much for the money! Don’t worry, on Friday I deposited twenty five thousand dollars into your RBC checking account.
Jody, the teller was very nice to me. She knows you. Normally, if there’s a deposit of more than ten thousand dollars paperwork must be filled out.
Thankfully, Bob and I were able to bypass this crummy law! I know that the law is in place for tax and law-enforcement purposes, but Bob and I are law-abiding citizens of Canada!
Anyway, Jody, I really missed you a lot. Would you like to meet us somewhere, soon?”
“Actually, yes, why don’t we meet in front of Tim Horton’s at the Bonaventure Station? How does that sound to you?”
“Let’s meet there this Friday at noon. We can spend the entire day out. The entire tab will be on me. Please don’t refuse. If you do, you’ll break my heart!”
“Okay and how is Bob? Is he a good husband?”
“Honey, Bob is the best husband in the whole world! He never talks back to me, always has a smile on his face, never tires, never complains, does all of the housework, never raises his voice to me, has no temper whatsoever, is never jealous or envious when I speak to another man/men, is full of love and understanding, is very strong, intelligent, and is a lion in the bedroom, but without the rough stuff.
Jody, I can’t wait until my stomach begins to balloon outwards. I want to get those other girls back for tormenting me all of those years. They rubbed their marriages and pregnancies in my face; especially that fat witch Martha!
Jody, I’m not like those other girls who are vengeful and vindictive. I’m a good girl.”
“Linda, are you referring to Martha, the fat pigeon who sits at the park in front of Tim Horton’s on Guy Street?”
“Yes, I don’t like that fat witch! On numerous occasions when I glanced at her she pointed her wing in the direction of her young ones then she raised her head in pomp. She knew that I wasn’t married; that I’d never had any children.”
“Linda, don’t worry! I’m with you guys all the way! You’ll have your baby soon!”
“Jody, you’re going to be an aunt very soon! Aren’t you excited?”
“Certainly, and I can’t wait to see your baby’s face. Whether a boy or a girl, good looks are certain. Her mother and father are very attractive.”
“Jody, you’re an incredible cat! I must get back to Bob. He’s eating an ice cream sundae all alone in the kitchen. I can’t leave him like that.
Anyway, have a beautiful day and we’ll see you on Friday!”
“Thanks for the call, goodbye Linda!”
Friday arrived like a rocket. I couldn’t believe how fast the week had passed.
I called Linda On Friday at 10:45 A.M. After five rings Bob answered.
“Hello, who is this?”
“This is Jody speaking. May I speak to Linda please?”
“Oh, Jody my favourite cat in the whole world! How are you?”
“I’m very fine, thank you!”
Jody, you’re very lucky! Linda is coming.”
“Hello, Jody, I’m very happy to hear your voice again. Hopefully, when I have ‘my baby’ you’ll visit me more often, especially in the hospital.
Well, Jody, Bob and I arrived here quite early. No need to rush yourself. We’ll be waiting for your arrival at around noontime.”
“Thanks for the call, honey! I’ll be on my way in a short while.”
I left my apartment building very excited. I couldn’t wait to see Linda and her husband Bob. Now, at last, one of my girlfriends was going to have a real baby. She’ll be happy and full, full of family.
I quickly descended the mountain then crossed into Sherbrooke Street. I continued walking until I arrived at a bus stop.
Thankfully a minute later the number twenty four bus heading east arrived. I boarded the bus then leaped unto the closest seat. Thankfully, youngster, including kittens, can use public transit for free. I apparently still looked like a kitten. Not that I was complaining, though. I had the strength, endurance, and agility of an adult cat. In addition, my emotional development was that of an adult, too. Well, I mean ... when I wanted it to be that way.
The bus ride to McGill Street was smooth, pleasant, and quick. I still can’t believe how fast motorized transport is. My dear if I had to walk to my destination it would’ve taken me almost forever.
As soon as I exited the bus I walked downhill to Ville Marie Mall, then cut through it and entered Bonaventure. As soon as I descended the escalators in Bonaventure I ran to Tim Horton’s.
Linda and Bob were holding hands and smiling at each other. They really looked like a happy couple. I was very happy for them.
“Jody, leap into my arms!”
I did as Linda requested. Then I held her face firmly with my paws and kissed her several times. Because she liked it I began to gently paw her face. This went on for roughly a minute. I was really caught up into the moment.
When I was done, Linda kissed me between the ears then petted me several times. I was then able to turn my body and leap onto the floor.
“Jody, how are you doing?”
“Bob, I’m very happy to see you guys! But I’d be even happier if I saw three of you; hopefully soon!”
“Jody, Linda and I always remember you in our conversations. We just can’t forget you. You are a very important part of our family. In fact, we have designated you our child’s aunt.
Our child will identify you as her aunt. I hope that you are in agreement with our proposal?”
“Yes, I certainly am! I’d love to be your child’s aunt!
“Now Linda, please tell me how your marriage is coming along.”
“Jody, these are the happiest days of my life! I couldn’t ask for any more.
Now, thankfully, I’m not a ‘barren loner’ like some of those other girls. They can never find Mr. Right and will never be a mother. Not like me, I’m going to be a mother soon!”
Linda ordered three extra large coffees, six muffins, and three slices of cake.
As soon as we got our order Linda and Bob carried our food to a nearby seating area. Thankfully, they chose an isolated area. We were able to converse freely without being interrupted or annoyed by anyone.
Our conversation lasted roughly two hours. But in those two hours Linda almost fell asleep on three occasions. I wasn’t sure if it was a medical reason or maybe she hadn’t slept much the night before.
At the two hour mark I noticed that Linda was getting tired. Maybe, it was her pregnancy, I told myself.
We said our goodbyes then left Bonaventure. I told Linda and Bob that I didn’t need a ride anywhere. I just wanted to walk around for a few hours before going home.
The months leading up to Linda’s pregnancy were a bit shaky. When I spoke to her on the phone she’d stop talking abruptly, perhaps falling into a stupor for a few seconds. Then, she’d resume talking to me.
This problem kept getting bigger and bigger until two weeks before the expected day of giving birth.
For some reason Bob wouldn’t allow me to speak to Linda. This, along with the fact that I hadn’t seen her in months was very stressful on me.
“Bob, please tell me what is wrong!”
“Jody, there’s nothing wrong. Linda’s just a bit tired from the pregnancy. She loves you but can’t come to the phone.”
I figured that it was difficult for a fleshy android to lie, kind of like a Vulcan. So, I decided to ask the question in a roundabout way. I figured that Linda was coaching Bob nearby.
“Bob, please just answer me with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’.
Is Linda sick?”
“Has she been crying much?”
“Do you think that it’s only the flu or something quite trivial?”
“Does she appear pale?”
“Has she been vomiting or does she have running stools?”
“Has she lost her appetite?”
“Do you think that her situation will worsen soon?”
“Please take Linda to the RVH emergency room under the pretext of a general check-up. If she complains or becomes jumpy, just talk about her baby. That’ll put a smile on her face.”
Thankfully, Bob took his wife to the RVH emergency room. It was so close to ‘the big day’.
Upon entering the RVH emergency room Linda collapsed onto the hospital floor. Immediately, medical staff rushed to the scene. Thankfully, there were many caring individuals on the ground floor; physicians, nurses, ambulance technicians, patients, and visitors.
Linda was lucky she was in the emergency room at the time of her collapse.
Meanwhile, Bob left the RVH emergency room abruptly. I wouldn’t find out exactly why until later.
Linda appointed me as contact person in case her condition deteriorated.
Shortly after being placed in a gurney, Linda’s baby ‘decided’ that it wanted to leave the comfort zone and enter the real world.
Linda was rushed to an operating room then prepped up for immediate delivery.
As I was pondering about my life I received a shocking phone call.
As a habit I waited until the phone rang several times before speaking.
“Hello, how can I help you?”
“Honey, are you Jody Wilson?”
“I’m Karen Spalding the attending nurse at the RVH ‘special rooms section’.
I found your name and phone number in Linda’s belongings. At the time she was ‘too psychotic’ to give us your phone number or address. However, she did spurt out your name over a hundred times before ‘the meds’ took effect.
Jody, I have some horrible news for you. Forgive me for being blunt, but this is the fastest and most direct method of conveying my message.
Linda Wang’s baby died shortly after birth. However, I must add that there was something quite unusual about Linda’s him. His biochemical composition was dangerous to Linda.
Jody, Linda blocked out the memory of her baby’s death. It’s understandable, but sooner or later she’s going to find out. For now, it must be a later. She’s too sick and shocked to hear any bad news.
As soon as Linda’s ‘condition’ improves we’ll have to transfer her to the psychiatric ward. But for now, she’s too mentally unstable even for the best psychiatric institution or ward in Montreal.
Regarding the birth, Linda’s baby was poisoning her while he was in her womb. I’m sorry to say this but the poison has invaded Linda’s body. Her mental state has been shattered by the extremely painful birth, the poisoning, and also the horrible news. If you ask me, the poor girl was a bit unstable beforehand.
Jody, do you know where our special rooms section is?”
“Yes, I’m well-aware of this section. I’ve visited it before. At the time, I’d hoped that there would be no more visitations therein.
“Jody, Linda’s in room number 12. She has a private room with a television. You can reach her by phone at extension number 12. Please call her before any planned visits. We certainly don’t want Linda to be asleep or out for tests when you arrive.”
“Thanks, nurse Spalding.”
“Wait, honey ... you don’t have to address me formally. Just call me Karen.”
“Okay, Karen. You’ve been so nice I’d like to meet you in person, if that’s ever possible.”
“Honey, I take it Linda’s your best friend in the whole world. Am I right?”
“Yes, Karen, she absolutely is!”
“Jody, can I be your second best friend in the whole world, and if the unthinkable were to happen, I can be your best friend in the whole world?”
“Yes, you can be my second best friend in the whole world for now, but, I’m too anxious and depressed to make an opinion regarding a new best friend in the whole world.”
After we said our goodbyes I hung up the phone, then I called the RVH.
“Hello, Royal Victoria Hospital. How may I help you?”
“Can you please forward my call to room number 12 in the special rooms section?”
“Just a moment please.”
Linda answered the phone after seven rings. I was glad, but also anxious and nervous about speaking to her.
“Hello, this is Linda. What do you want from me?”
“Linda, this is Jody Wilson! Are you feeling any better?”
“Jody, I don’t like it here! I just want to go home and be with my husband. Also, I want to see you really badly.
Jody, I love you! Can you be my little sister?”
“Okay, I’ll be your little sister.”
“Jody, I can’t wait to see my baby! The medical and nursing staffs have placed my baby in a ‘special’ maternity ward. I overheard a nurse saying that it was a boy. Although I didn’t hear any mention of my name or what hospital the nurse was referring to I know as a fact it was my beloved baby!
Jody, I’m so excited about being a mother!
Jody, you just can’t imagine how sweet the feeling is. Thankfully, I’m no longer like those other girls who are barren. Now, I can walk the through the streets of Montreal proud and happy. Motherhood has been a major plus for me.
Jody, I want to show off my baby, my stroller, my beloved and handsome husband, and my little sister!
Every single one of those girls who tormented their distended stomachs will get back what they gave to me.
Jody, we should go out together as a Canadian family. You know, like, to a very expensive restaurant. But first, I have to get better and leave this dumpy room.”
“Linda, I wish you a complete recovery very soon!”
“Honey thanks a lot for those kind words! But, I want to tell you something that’s beyond top secret. Please, first, understand that I’m not sick!
Okay, Jody, I think the hospital workers are conspiring against me. My baby must be out of this world when it comes to his looks! I knew it was a boy from the time he first kicked me from the inside.
Either way, I’ll give them a few days because I know that my delivery was painful for him too. I want him to rest up before I hold him in my arms and breast feed him.
Jody, I need the three golden words! Right now, without any delay!”
“Linda, I love you! May I visit you soon?”
“Yes, but please come with my husband. You know what my home phone number is and my address. Please call my husband and come here tomorrow.
Jody, I’m not scheduled for any tests tomorrow. Please make sure the two of you arrive together.
Another thing, Jody, please follow my instructions to the letter.
Please ask my husband to bring me Samantha. Samantha is my favourite doll. She’s biracial like me.
I must see Samantha soon, or else I’ll go mad in this place!”
Linda and I conversed for an hour before we said our goodbyes.
Immediately afterwards, I called Linda’s home in order to speak to Bob. Unfortunately, there was nobody home.
I decided to walk to Linda’s home and buzz Bob from the apartment building lobby.
In a flash I was off to Linda’s apartment. On my way there I could think of nothing but conveying Linda’s message.
As soon as I left my apartment building I sprinted to Linda’s home.
Upon entering the apartment building I leaped up into the air then I buzzed room number 601 with my right paw. Afterwards, I positioned my body for a safe landing.
After three consecutive buzzes I became impatient. Thankfully, I was able to signal the doorman to buzz me in.
After being buzzed into the apartment building I explained to the doorman my predicament.
Thankfully, the doorman, who identified himself as Blake was kind, considerate, and understanding. He gave me a spare key to the apartment and afterwards put a mini-scanning card into my pouch. The latter would get me into the apartment building through the lobby door entrance.
“Honey, please don’t tell anyone what I’ve just done for you. Because if the management finds out I’ll be a dead goose, understand?”
“Yes, I clearly understand. Cat’s honour I won’t tell a living soul.”
I thanked Blake then proceeded to go to Linda’s apartment. Everything happened so fast afterwards. Before I knew it I’d already entered Linda’s apartment.
I pressed the ‘UP’ button for the elevator and then waited patiently for the parting doors to open.
While I was waiting for one of the four elevators to descend to the lobby I became sad and depressed over the fate of Linda. I was almost certain that she would have a horrible nervous breakdown after finding out that her baby had died. As for the moment, Linda blocked out that fact. But sooner or later she’d have to be told, again and again until she fully understood what had happened.
Furthermore, I was worried about her physical well-being. I should’ve called Andrea the Head Librarian at the WPL. Indeed, she was trying to warn me about pregnancies with fleshy androids. Well, the act had already been committed.
I felt like I was in a daze, entering the elevator, pressing the number five button, getting off on the fifth floor, walking to room number 509, and then entering it.
As soon as I entered Linda’s room the first thing that I did was call out to Bob. I had to speak to him, immediately! Furthermore, I was stunned and confused by his not being by his wife’s side. I was under the impression that fleshy androids were pre-programmed with all of the major human emotions. Furthermore, Bob was supposed to be a perfect and willing husband; a husband who always obeyed his wife, without any exception whatsoever.
Anyway, I spent fifteen minutes searching and calling until I felt like there was only one more place to check. If I hadn’t found Bob by then I would’ve left it at that.
I entered Linda’s bedroom but this time I searched under the bed.
Lo and behold, I saw a Bob! He was dead! In fact, he had self-destructed. A defective fleshy android!
Never again would I ever try to set up a human with a fleshy android. It just wasn’t worth it.
Anyhow, there was no time to clean ‘him’ up and toss him into the garbage shoot. I had more pressing concerns at hand.
On the cabinet to my left were the twelve lifelike dolls that Linda told me about. I call them lifelike because they really looked like the real gizmos. My dear how far technology has come!
Thankfully, they were all named. Samantha was a cute biracial doll. She was dressed in a nice red and white dress and she had beautiful jet black hair with cat eyes.
I leaped up onto the cabinet then gently took hold of Samantha. I made certain not to grasp her too tightly as that would puncture her. I wanted her to look beautiful and pure when I brought her to Linda.
I carried Samantha to the kitchen then gently laid her down onto the floor. I made certain that the floor was clean and clear of dust before I acted.
I managed to fix myself a large Corn Flakes and milk breakfast. Afterwards, I drank a large quantity of water.
As soon as I’d finished washing up and cleaning the kitchen I decided to return to the RVH special rooms section.
I gently carried Samantha to the bus stop. After waiting for ten minutes the number twenty four bus arrived. Thereafter, it was a smooth ride to Cote des Neiges Road.
After exiting the bus I proceeded to carry Samantha up the hill.
As soon as I got to the next bus stop I decided to walk to the RVH. I had many thoughts running through my mind not to mention my fear for Linda’s emotional and physical well-being.
Although on three separate occasions passersby hurled insults at me I ignored them. I simply didn’t have the time to answer their creepy insults.
Although it took me an hour to arrive at the ‘doorstep’ of the RVH I felt fresher and stronger from the long trip.
I entered the RVH then proceeded to walk to the special rooms section.
The long hallway that I walked through was dim-lighted and on my right I took notice of were three elderly men and an elderly woman sitting in their wheelchairs pondering about their youth, no doubt.
To tell you the truth whenever I see elderly people who are Sickly or depressed-looking it gives me the creeps. I know that unless I die beforehand one day I too will become old. Who will take care of me then?
I continued my walk through the long corridor swirling left then right until I reached the elevators.
Before I pressed the ‘UP’ button the elevator door opened in my face.
Once again, I fell into a daze. It was like I was transported into another dimension, again. Something just wasn’t right.
A short while later I found myself entering Linda’s room carrying Samantha between my powerful jaws.
“Jody, please come here!”
I was thankful that Linda was happy to see me. I entered her hospital room, took several steps towards her and then leaped onto her bed.
Next, I gently placed Samantha on Linda’s chest. Then, I kissed Linda on her forehead.
“Linda, are you feeling any better?”
“Yes, thanks for coming here with my niece.”
“Your ... I mean where’s your niece? I’m sorry but I didn’t see her.”
“Stop teasing me! Samantha is my niece! You knew that all along. You’re just trying to make me laugh. Sorry, but I’m still a bit groggy from all of the treatment.
Jody, please tell me ... where is my baby?
I’m my baby’s mommy! I must see my baby! Why don’t they let me hold my baby in my arms?
Jody, I can’t keep waiting! Where’s my baby?”
“Umm ... like ... umm ... I think that your baby is in the maternity ward with all of the other babies? I mean, like, I’m certain that you’ll see your baby soon.”
Linda and I conversed for a short while. But I couldn’t stay too long because she was still overmedicated. I had to come back at a more convenient time. That is, when the powerful medication has been flushed out of her system. And after she finds out what really happened to her baby.
Cat or no cat, I didn’t want to be the person to tell Linda that her baby had died. I figured she’d go into some kind of trance then a fit, and then she’d probably have a nervous breakdown.
I understood that human females could become very attached to their babies. I just wasn’t certain if their attachment was stronger or weaker than that between a mother cat and her kitten. Probably not!
Anyway, we said our goodbyes and I agreed to call Linda every day and to come back after she’d gotten better.
As soon as I left Linda’s hospital room, I was forced to stop because she began to speak to Samantha. Believe me I wasn’t trying to be a snoopy cat or anything. I was sincerely worried about Linda. Although Samantha was a very cute doll she wasn’t real.
“Samantha, list up! But I command you, as your beloved aunt, do not blabber your mouth off about what we say in private. Got it?
Now that I have your undivided attention, please tell me where my baby is. Where is my baby?
No ... Samantha. Jody’s not being deceitful. I believe that she thinks that my baby is in the maternity ward. Jody would never lie to her sister, Linda Wang.
Samantha, no ... there not hiding my baby from me because they think that I’m dangerous!
Samantha, no ... you have no right to say that!
No! No! No! Samantha, I’m not like those other girls who are addicted to crack and who’ll give up their own flesh and blood for a quick fix.
Samantha, no ... I’m not a mentally unstable woman! I’m not violent either!
Please don’t speak like that around me! I don’t like it!
Yes, Samantha, I think that that is the case. In fact, I think that you are absolutely right!
Yes, those people around us aren’t real! You know something, yes ... Samantha ... Jody’s not real either! I think that we’re in the Twilight Zone, or some other unusual place.
Samantha, please ... I need the three golden words, immediately!
No, Samantha, I don’t have to give you a lollypop first! I’m your freaking aunt! Don’t you love me?
Okay, that’s more like it. Now, I want you to be my special spy. Your first mission is to spy on Jody. I want to know if she’s found another best friend in the whole world yet.
And Samantha, don’t you dare forget that you are my favourite niece! Don’t tell your sisters that I love you more because you’re like me; biracial!
I was deeply saddened by Linda’s continuing deterioration. I resumed my walk through the hallway stopping at the nurses’ reception desk.
After leaping unto the counter I inquired about Linda’s condition.
“Nurse, could I ask you a question regarding Linda Wang?”
“Oh, I know who you are! You’re the talk of the town. You can’t make it with your own kind. You’re Jody Wilson! I am certain that you’ve been in the RVH before.
I’m Nurse Gertrude Peck, but you can call me Gertrude.
“Unfortunately, yes! I’ve been here before.”
“Honey, I just got off the phone with Dr. Alan Holder, Chief of Neurology at the Neurological Institute.
Dr. Holder told me that there’s no way in hell that Linda will get any better, or even stabilize. I’m sorry, Jody, but she’s dying.
This may have been the last time that you could’ve spoken to her.”
“No, Gertrude, I lost my chance, already! Linda has already begun to go mad. She’s talking to her doll, Samantha.
Linda believes that we aren’t real. She believes that dolls are real.
And how long does Linda have to live?”
“Jody, I’m very sorry, but her test results were horrible. She’ll probably fall into a coma in a few hours. The loss of touch with reality occurs an hour or two before the hard-core physical symptoms appear.
Jody, Linda’s deterioration is worse than Huntingdon’s Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, and Parkinson’s combined. Linda will deteriorate at a very fast pace and will develop all the symptoms of the aforementioned diseases and some.
Jody, please follow me to the other end of the hall. We can sit on that ‘lone sofa’ over there. I want to talk to you in private.
I followed Gertrude to the lone sofa then waited for her to sit down. As soon as she sat down, I leaped unto her chest then looked deep into her eyes.
“Gertrude, can I kiss you on the chin?”
“Of course, honey, do as you want, but ... I need the three golden words too.”
I kissed Gertrude on the chin then I told her that I loved her. Afterwards, I asked her to pet me between the ears. Like a good nurse, she obliged me.
Jody, I want you to stop crying. It’s important that you hear what I have to say.”
“I’m not crying! I’ve got allergies!”
“Okay, honey, you’ve got allergies.
Jody, I know what you gals were up to. You purchased a fleshy android. Afterwards, you felt like the whole world was yours for that taking.
Jody didn’t you think for one second that Linda was a human being and the fleshy android was just that, an android like Data on Star Trek the Next Generation, but with flesh added.
Okay, I know that Linda’s husband was fleshy and had superficial feelings, but still, he wasn’t, nor could he ever be real!
Jody, the fleshy android industry is extremely dangerous! People do get killed crossing them! It’s like the crack cocaine industry, except the higher-ups are physicians, nurses, scientists, and engineers.
Unfortunately, every single person who has died from a fleshy android has been a woman. I’ve heard stories of teens, that is, our ‘young sisters’ dying by poisoning.
Jody, the thugs involved in the fleshy android business are very cunning. They know that if they produce ‘females’ too many males will swarm their underground establishments which in itself will alert the authorities. Furthermore, if males die in large numbers the government will respond quicker.”
“Gertrude, are you sure about that?”
“Yes, honey I’m sure! If breast cancer was a male phenomena there would’ve been a cure by now. Or at least, tones of monies would’ve been devoted to research.
Honey, I’m not being a complaining bitch! I’m just being an honest bitch!
Now Jody, please get rid of the fleshy android fast! On my part, the medical examiner owes me a few favours. I’ll make sure that ‘the evidence’ disappears and nobody will ever know the difference.”
I assumed that Gertrude had slept her way to acquiring her favours. But, I didn’t want to inquire about it. It’s not very polite to do so.
“Jody, don’t you dare think it! I did not sleep my way through nursing school and also to acquire favours from the medical examiner! I want you to take it back!”
“But, Gertrude, I didn’t say anything! I was just wondering about something.”
“Jody, I know that ‘sister look’. Just remember, I’m not like those other girls who sleep their way to achievement. I have a Masters Degree in Nursing and I’m working on a Doctoral Degree!”
“Gertrude, you’re like, the umpteenth female who’s said that to me! I’m not like those other girls. Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me I’m not like those other guys?”
“Honey, because that’s the way it is! I’m not being a paranoid bitch, but most of the people who envy me are women. I can see it in their envious eyes when they come to visit their friends and relatives in our section.
Jody, I’m not sick! I’m perfectly sane! I’m certainly not like the patients in this section. Please, Jody, I’m not in some kind of denial. I know for sure that I’m not sick!”
“Well, I know so too. Thank you for the help regarding the medical examiner and I’ll also do my part.
I shall never ever, under any circumstances, purchase or otherwise acquire a fleshy android for anyone. This includes yours truly just in case they ever decide to produce fleshy androids for cats.”
“Honey, now that it looks like Linda’s going to croak ... I mean ... pass away soon. Can I be your best friend afterwards?”
“Yes, you can be my best human friend in the whole world, but only after Linda passes away.”
“Jody, I love you! You are the most awesome cat in the whole world! You are an incredible asset as a friend.”
We continued to converse until Gertrude insisted that she buy me some food and drink.
Naturally, I obliged. She brought me a fish sandwich, a pint of milk in a carton, chips, and a slice of lemon meringue pie.
“Gertrude thanks a lot for the meal. What about your shift?”
“Honey, don’t worry about that. I’ve already finished my shift. Besides, I’m the Head Nurse in the Special Rooms Section of the RVH. Nobody can mess with me!”
After eating my meal I washed it down with water from a water fountain nearby.
Meanwhile, Gertrude was insisting that I return home with her. I felt like she was being a bit too possessive.
“Honey, if you love me you must spend the night over at my place! Please, don’t break my heart! I just totally love cats!” Then, she went nutty on me.
“Jody, I’m not asking you to spend the night over because I’m a fat, lonely, four-eyed, asocial little bitch. It’s not because I can’t make it with the opposite sex. I can have a husband anytime I want to ... it’s just that I don’t want to. I’m a very successful nurse who has no self-esteem problems.
Jody, I’m not sick like those other girls! I hate it when people compare me with those psycho girls!”
That was all that I could take! I couldn’t understand why I kept hearing those horrible words ‘like those other girls’. It’s like the woman speaking to me is from another planet. We’re all girls!
“Honey, please, why did you say those other girls? Don’t you understand that I too am a girl?
Please, if any of our sisters are sick we should shower them with empathy, sympathy, and help.”
“Jody, you’re turning against me! I don’t like it!”
I had to do an about face. You see, I couldn’t carry the conversation any further because I was relying on Gertrude to ‘erase’ any trace of evidence. So, I did what any genius kitty would do; I changed the subject with lightening speed.
“I promise I’ll spend a night with you some other time. I’m very stressed out because of Linda’s situation. Please understand.”
“Okay, honey, I do understand! Then let’s meet up some time soon. As for now, I’ll go to the Medical Examiner’s Office and ‘convince’ him to erase this case as soon as Linda, I mean, if Linda dies.”
We said our goodbyes and then we parted ways, literally. I made certain to never speak to Gertrude again. Even by phone. I felt that she was too out of it. I had my paws full with my own problems.
As I walked back to the elevators I felt my pulse and blood pressure slowly fall. I just couldn’t hear those three nasty words again! I felt like punching the next woman who said those words in a derogatory context.
I’M A LION!
I left the RVH anxious and in a state of deep depression. I understood that Linda was soon to be a dead goose. I’d have to endure a life without another incredible friend.
Leaving the dimension was now an option. One death per dimension is more than enough. Besides, only Cynthia Corbett my true love could compare with Linda Wang.
Mind you, I never forgot Cynthia Corbett. Cynthia was my first ‘human love’ and certainly my best one ever. No human being, male or female, could ever compare to her. She was a top notch woman, beautiful, intelligent, and fun to be with. Sure We had our ups and downs, but the ups were incredibly high.
It was a long, depressing walk back home. I kept glancing at the trees and buildings in order to forget about Linda, but I just couldn’t.
I was terrified to get a call on my mini cell phone. Any call would certainly signify the end of Linda. Here I was drowning in my own pity and I didn’t even know any of her relatives.
The memorial services would be full of strangers. That is, if they even allowed a kitty like me there. Some humans don’t like it when cats attend memorial services.
Believe me some of these humans are so stupid they actually think that ‘the cat’ will become ravished with the scent of dead flesh. Therefore, the cat may go ‘ape sh_t’. Like, you know, pounce on the cadaver than begin to feast.