FIFTY EIGHT
She stood in the open area of the office during the coffee break.
“Hey! What are you doing here?” Esha walked up to her.
”We're separating,” Maya said.
“Who's we?”
“Kartik and I.
“Err..I thought you were already!” Esha sounded confused.
“Legally. There's no looking back, now. It scares me a bit. It seems like jumpingwithout a parachute. There is no hope.”
“Hmmm.”
There was a pause.
“nding a relationship is painful. It's like death. Nothing would be there for you the way it was before. It is death of the relationship and with it some part of your life dies. Death is scary. Isn't it?” Maya sounded sad.
“You will have to bury it, Maya and move on,” Esha tried to calm her.
“You are right, I don't think we can ever be happy together. He didn't love me in the first place and now it is beyond repair. Infidelity, violence, insensitivity, what else can go wrong in this relationship. It's already dead. Now let me bury it.”
Esha nodded in agreement. “Let's go and have a coffee,” she suggested.
As Esha smoked a cigarette, Maya received a text.
“Hi Gorgeous, lets catch up, Nimesh.” She noticed a new invite on her Facebookand was surprised to see Nimesh's picture smiling at her.
“That guy is certainly fast,” she said to herself, smiling.
As soon as she added him she received another message.
Let's have a coffee at Café Coffee Day, the one next to your office, he messaged.
She wondered how he knew where she worked. Oh, that's on my Facebook profile, she remembered.
“Who was it?” Esha nudged her.
“Nothing important,” Maya shrugged.
“Ah! Doesn't look like. Someone is making you blush,” Esha winked.
Yet Esha left it. The day went like any other day. Maya was quickly trying to pack her stuff and leave the office just when Esha distracted her.
“God it sucks. This job. Sunil is so irritating. I can't work like this anymore, ” she cribbed.
“What happened?” Maya asked as she kept her writing pad in her bag.
“All he wants me to do is shitty clerical work. He has not briefedthe new project that they are going to begin.”
“Hmmm.” Maya finally picked her bag. “I will be seeing someone on the way back home. You have your dinner in case you are hungry.”
Esha looked surprised. “Where are you going?”
“I gotta see a friend,” Maya replied.
“Who?”
“You don't know him,” Maya hurriedly walked out leaving Esha guessing.
“What's wrong with her?” Esha wondered.
Maya reached the coffee shop. Before she could place him she heard his jovial voice.
“Hey girl,” he beamed, greeting her. “So we have met again,” he continued.
She smiled. Her grey kajal enhanced her big eyes as she looked lovely in her long red skirt with a white t-shirt. Nimesh was dressed in a pair of denims with a loose t-shirt hanging carelessly on him. Yet he looked cute as he smiled sheepishly while pulling a chair for her.
“I told you. I was sure you would be equally interested in meeting me.”
“Excuse me! I came here because I didn't want to be rude,” she said.
“You look gorgeous,” he said as if he had not heard her.
Maya blushed like a teenager.
“So?” she said as he stared into her eyes.
“You tell me,” he said
“I have nothing great to discuss,” she smiled.
“I'm going to Australia next month-end.”
“That's cool.”
“One of my cousins stays there. She keeps calling me. You know she likes me,” he said. She believed him, though she wouldn't have believed anyone else saying the same thing.
“That's even cooler!”
“Besides, my dad wanted me to do an advanced course in photography there.”
“Hmmm…rich dad. Lucky you!” she said.
She noticed he went silent on that one.
“What are you carrying in your bag?” She saw a heavy bag pack with him.
“My camera. I carry it everywhere,” he smiled. “Few Sketches. I like to sketch. I like to sit next to sea and paint. I love to click pictures.”
“Can I see it? Maya asked.
“You can see everything baby,” he winked.
Maya gave him a playful stare as he passed her the file. She glanced through his sketches. She marvelled at them. Black and white sketches of horses. She was amazed at his work. There were photographs of nature taken by a mature eye. There were few colourful pictures of Ganpati festival. The grandeur of the sea was captured in some. There was one sketch that portrayed a dead body and his remains looked like flowers scattered all around. There were little balls around the body and oodles of red colour depicting blood.
It was a painful sketch she thought.
“I am speechless,” she said. “Your work is ... is... emotional.”
“Oops! This is the most unique compliment I've ever got.
What do you mean by saying that they're emotional?” he asked, smiling. He had such anadorablesmile.
“It relates with everyone. It talks,” she said
They chatted on. He was good company. You'd never know what he'd say next, though. She felt younger in his presence. His youthfulness was infectious.
She glanced at her watch, and noticed it was getting late.
Time passed quickly with him.
“When are we meeting next?” he asked.
Maya looked at him, surprised.
“We'll see,” she smiled.
“Tomorrow! Same time, same place?”
“Noooo. Not tomorrow.” She was surprised to see how pushy he was.
“When, then?' he persisted.
“Uff.. Nimesh, I'll let you know.”
“My close friends call me Nemo. Come, I'll drop you home.”
It's not very far, she remonstrated. I'll go by myself.
“I'm dropping you!” He wouldn't take no for an answer, but he did so in such a way that it felt nice.
She smiled. He was cute. There was something about his young blood that was giving her a high. He seemed to be living a full life.
Later, as she lay on her bed trying to fall asleep, she remembered Nimesh. She had been so full of energy like him. Why did she throw it all away? Suddenly, a thought flashed through her mind.
Yes, she thought, that's it. She felt like a child who has unlocked the last level of the puzzle after much hard work.
She wanted to live, not just exist. Suddenly, all her doubts vanished. She had never been so sure of anything in her life earlier. It made her want to start living, now. This was it! She has to let go. Free her from the bondage. She needs to follow her own dreams, irrespective of anything else. She called Vikram and told him about it.
Why do you think I can't leave him?” she suddenly blurted out.
“Whom?”
“Uff... Kartik. Who else?”
“Oh,” he paused, “You don't want to!”
“I want to!”
“That's what you think.”
“What should I do?” she sounded irritated.
“Make a choice and stick to it. Your confusion is understandable. In any relationship we commit to, we make some investment in it in the form of feelings and energy. When the relationship stops working, it is not easy to change the equation immediately.” Maya listened silently.
“It is natural to cling since we are taught from childhood to relate to everything we come across as ours. It is either 'I' or 'mine' – hence everything boils down to us. No one in this world is self-less enough to let that 'I' take a backseat barring some yogis who have crossed the sixth dimension. Society has conditioned us so much so that we believe that we are incapable of living as an individual. We believe that we won't be able to make it alone. We are scared of staying alone, so we hanker after love.The Bhagwad Gita tells us that the moment we bind our identity with any other thing or being we are bound to suffer.”
“Society has to suppress the individual since individuals are stronge than the clusters. Ironically, we are made to believe the other way round. We need to teach our children to follow our hearts. Take them to the road that calls out to them even if it is less travelled. Prepare them to loose. Encourage them to let go. Teach them to find love within.”
“Most people don't know the joy of living. The lightness of being. We need to live. To leave things behind us and get ahead,” he explained.
“Are you there?” he inquired noticing the long silence.
“Yes!”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing, I was all ears,” she smiled.
Kartik belonged to the past, so did Raghu. Good luck to them!