FIFTY
Maya came back home after a long day to see Esha and Reva watching a horror movie.
“Hey!” Maya greeted.
“Shhhhh… Maya it's the last scene. The conjuring. It's based on a true story yaar.”
“Esha see this and then you will get scared.” Maya smiled.
“Shhhhh.”
Maya went ahead to change to her shorts.
“Oh My god,” she heard Esha swearing in. She smiled to herself.
“Let's have a drink, girls?” Reva got up as the movie got over.
“It was horror man.”
The other two smiled in agreement and fetched glasses, a bottle of water and a cold drink to make the vodka more palatable.
“Maya, do you think Aditya is the right guy?” Reva asked suddenly as they sipped their drinks.
“Why do you ask?” she wondered loudly.
“I don't think he's committed to me,” Reva said.
Maya did not know what to say.
“Whenever we go out he's busy checking out other chicks. Yesterday, I caught him kissing a girl,” she said.
Maya raised her eyebrows. Esha made a face as if she wanted to puke.
“Reva, you knew he is a flirt. You always knew it, right?” Maya said.
“Yes, I did. But he promised to change! I feel cheated,” Reva said.
“Oh, come on, Reva. I'm sure Aditya loves you,” she told Reva.
“You mean he loves her and kisses someone else!” Esha demanded angrily. Maya sighed. Reva burst into tears.
“Come on, Esha. One can get carried away momentarily,” Maya told Esha.
“There is something called commitment, Maya. For God sakes, you left your husband because he was sleeping around. I'm sorry,” Esha said, immediately regretting it.
“She knows?” Reva asked Maya.
“Yes. By the way I didn't leave him only because he was sleeping around. I left him because there was no love between us.”
“You think there is love between them? He is kissing someone else,” Esha said.
“Relax, Esha. We need to judge people not by morals and standards, but by situations.”
“How can any situation lead him to cheat on me, Maya?” Reva interjected.
“I am not defending him, Reva. All I'm saying is that you should accept a person as he is. You have to understand that Adi has a certain character that won't change easily. This is the mistake I made too. I wanted to change Kartik for myself. Raghu wanted to change me for him. We all try and change one another for ourselves. That is not what love is all about. When the earth nourishes a certain plant she does not change it. She helps and supports it to grow. I forced Kartik to love me. I could not see that he was incapable of expressing love. He was an emotionally dry person. Raghu wanted me to become a homemaker. Someone who would obey him and look up to him as a husband. As soon as we want to change the other person, love starts to die,” she said.
“Don't accept a cheat, Reva,” Esha said, coming to the point without subtlety.
“I am not defending Adi. All I am saying is that we create our own notions of love and loyalty and start a control game. We become so needy. We forget that love is not bondage it rather frees us. It gives us wings to fly and a set of moments that can last a lifetime.”
“Don't confuse her,” said Esha.
“You can always kick him out. But if he kisses someone else, does it mean that he doesn't love you? You have to figure out where you stand in his life,” Maya said. “Reva, off late I have understood that each of us have their own definition of love. I don't blame Kartik for everything that went wrong between us. We both made same blunders in our marriage. We both were equally at fault. Yet it wasn't because of anything else, but maybe because the definition of love was different. Our paths were different. Either we should have chosen to accept each other's differences or to carry on without each other. We chose the latter.”
“I did speak with him about it. He said he couldn't hold himself back,” Reva said still focussed on her own issue.
“Why are you clinging on to him if he admits it to your face?” Esha asked, without logic.
“I feel lonely, Esha. Besides, I don't know what to do!”
Esha kept quiet. She knew what it meant. She was lonely too.
Maya knew what it would have been like. Reva would have confronted him. Aditya would have said sorry. Reva in her desperation to find a partner would have been ready to give another chance. Yet on a promise. Promise not to cheat again. That Aditya would never keep. Reva would also know it in her heart.
Maya wondered how strange it was. The control game. Everyone tries to control each other by givingpromises and taking vows. Promises and vows, those are never to be kept. She wondered why it makes such a big difference in life if we are not the only person in someone else's life. Perhaps it is our perspective. We have created a make believe image around love. Who promised to us that love with one person willstay forever? How can a new thing stay new forever after the wheel of time has run upon it?
Either we find new ways for the old love or find a new love itself. That is whatever our heart desires for. As for right and wrong our heart defines it for itself.