Chapter 29
Thomas
Over the next few days, I make it my mission to overcome my fear and successfully leave the cabin without having a panic attack. I start with baby steps. Starting on Monday, a few times a day, I open the main door, so there’s nothing but the flimsy screen separating me from the world beyond, and I tell myself that I don’t have to go outside. Then I wait for the panicky feeling to subside.
On Tuesday, I push the screen door open and force myself to put one foot over the threshold. The first time I try, I break out in a cold sweat, shut and lock the door, and retreat to the far side of the cabin. Veritas is there, and I feel like a fool, but she comes over to comfort me, wiping the sweat away with a damp cloth. We play a game of Scrabble to distract my mind—a game she beats me at mercilessly. By the end of the day, I’m consistently able to put one foot outside without retreating in a panic.
By lunchtime on Wednesday, I’ve managed to make it onto the front porch. By dinner time, I’m walking the full length of the porch, which wraps around the side of the cabin. We sit in two rocking chairs and stare out into the woods. It really is beautiful here. Veritas suggests that we go out on one of the hiking trails tomorrow, but I’m not so sure. Baby steps, I tell myself.
Thursday, it’s cold and overcast the first part of the day, so I content myself with a few forays onto the front porch. By late afternoon, Veritas tempts me to venture out and walk a few hundred yards down the road where she says there’s a good view of the valley below, and I can see the lake. With her help, I go down the steps, reminding myself that the police are far, far away and that I’m safe here.
She takes my hand, and I risk stepping out of my comfort zone yet again to plant a foot onto mother earth. The moment I do, I start to feel panicky, but I immediately start a deep breathing exercise that Veritas has taught me—something she learned from doing yoga. A minute later, I’m calm enough to look around. She’s smiling at me now.
“I knew you could do it.”
I smile back, and we start slowly walking down the gravel road. With each step, my confidence is building. No police van rushes up to whisk me off for another round of torture. Dr. Cheros doesn’t jump out from behind a tree and rush at me with a hypodermic syringe filled with hateful nanobots.
When we get to the curve in the road, we stand there for several minutes while Vee points out the various buildings and such. The air is cool, crisp, and clean.
“Thank you,” I say on the way back to the cabin.
“For what?”
“For helping me work through these panic attacks.”
“Sure. No problem. You’d do it for me.”
“I still can hardly believe we’re here and everything that’s happened.”
“Yeah. I know. It’s been kind of intense.”
“You know, I haven’t even asked you how you’re doing, with not being able to contact your mom and all.”
“I sent her a message before we left.”
“How’d you do that? I thought using any electronic communication was too risky?”
“That whole letter thing you and I worked out?”
“Oh, okay.”
“I learned that from her. We have a neighbor down the street who really stuck her neck out for us, and Mom trusts her. Whenever I need to tell Mom something sensitive about the movement, I send a letter to the neighbor. She gives it to Mom. We have a code we use to communicate, so it sounds like I’m just telling the neighbor about my week, but Mom will know I’m really telling her we’ve had to go on the run.”
“Wow. Pretty slick.”
“Yeah, when you grow up always having to look over your shoulder, you learn a few tricks to stay safe.”
She smiles, but it’s a sad sort of smile. I want to cheer her up for once.
“But we’re safe here, right? No more looking over your shoulder.”
“Right. We’re safe here.”
By Friday, I’m feeling confident enough to venture down to the cafeteria for breakfast. We’re greeted warmly by the staff. It feels good to get out and pick out my own food again. We’re almost finished when Jeremiah walks over and sits down at our table.
“Hey, Jeremiah, good to see you,” I say.
“I’m glad to see you’re finally out and about.”
“Me, too.”
“Since you’re here, would you be interested in taking a walk around the campus? I thought I’d give you the fifty-cent tour.”
“That’d be great,” I say.
“Sounds fun,” Veritas adds.
After finishing our meal and putting up our trays, Jeremiah leads the way along a paved walkway towards some other nearby buildings. Our first stop is the building next door, which I’m informed is where the offices and meeting rooms are located. There’s a big fireplace in the central lobby, with a large, comfortable-looking couch and matching chairs in front of it. Pausing briefly by the fire to warm ourselves up before we proceed on, I admire the large chandelier made out of antlers. The building sports a mountain theme throughout, with exposed log beams, pictures of mountain scenes, and animal-themed decorations everywhere.
Jeremiah and Veritas are in the lead when we exit the building and begin walking towards our next destination. I’m a bit slower to make it down the stairs as I’m still navigating with a cane. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see someone I never thought I’d see again—it’s the guy from the conference, the one who spied on us and tried to turn us all in to the Identity police. He’s walking towards us on a path that intersects ours. Jeremiah and Veritas are talking as they walk, and I don’t know if they even saw who it is, but I did.
I hobble/run over, cutting the distance between us in a few seconds, then I take my cane and deliver a solid blow to the back of his knee, which lands with a satisfying whack and sends him tumbling to the ground with a cry of pain.
“Ahh! What’d you do that for?”
“You . . . you traitor! You’re the one who tried to turn us all in at the conference. It’s because of people like you that I’ve had to leave my family like some sort of criminal after being tortured by the police, and now I’m walking with this cane!”
Before I really think about it, I lift my cane above my head, grasping it with both hands, preparing to strike and get a little payback for all his kind have done to me and others in the freedom movement. He lifts his arm to ward off the blow. Just then, Jeremiah steps in between us, holding up his hands, palms out towards me.
“Hey, now. Let’s just calm down a minute. Violence is not going to solve this.”
I lower my cane, teetering as I do, and barely keeping myself from falling over as Veritas steps to my side and helps to steady me.
“How can you defend this creep?” I ask. “He would have gladly turned us all in and seen us all shipped off to re-education camp, or worse. God knows where they would’ve sent you. And yet you don’t think he deserves a good beating?”
“He may deserve it,” Jeremiah replies. “I know I deserve a beating for some of the things I’ve done. But he’s not going to get it today. Not here, not now. God will judge him when the time comes.”
I don’t know what to say. Instead, I scowl at the guy I knocked down, who’s standing up behind Jeremiah now. Without turning around, Jeremiah speaks to him.
“It’s okay, Todd. Go to the clinic and get that leg looked at.”
“Thanks,” he says as he begins limping off. When he’s about ten feet away, he stops, turns around, and looks at me. “I’m sorry . . . for trying to turn you all in.” Then, he turns back around and continues limping off.
“He could just be faking it because he’s here,” I protest. “He could tell the Identity Police everything he knows if he ever gets out of here.”
“Yes, that’s true,” Jeremiah says. “But I think he’s seen a different side of the equation while he’s been with us here—excepting, of course, the experience he just had courtesy of your cane.”
I look over Jeremiah’s shoulder, watching the guy leave, still unsure why Jeremiah seems to have such a relaxed attitude about what the guy tried to do. I’m surprised at myself, too, really. I didn’t know I was capable of such violence. But when I saw him walking there, all of this anger just welled up inside of me, and I had the overwhelming urge to beat him to a pulp. So I just went with it.
“Come with me,” Jeremiah says as he motions back to the cafeteria. “Let’s get the golf cart and go for a ride. There’s something I’d like to show you.”
