Chris and The Three Wizards by D.A.Sanford - HTML preview

The contest

He came to this world by being stupid. Chris Scofield was among eighteen people who entered the "Hold Your Wee for a Wee" competition. They tried to drink as much water as they could without urinating in a bid to win a Niga Wee gaming console.

The contest starts with drinking a quart of water then a pint of water every five minutes. With the sound of water constantly being played, contestants started to fail

He drank way more than a gallon of water. His stomach looked like he was pregnant. All but Chris and another were left as the others were leaving the stage to pee or just let go right there on the stage. He had a momentary standing blackout.

Chris left after taking second place, winning a pair of concert tickets. He felt like he was drunk but he thought nothing of it because he lived in the city. He did not own a car, no DWI, so he rode the bus home. His work was the graveyard shift at the 24 hour convenience store.

He called in sick at work and died on his toilet just hours after the contest.

What those eighteen people, including Chris, didn’t know was the fact that drinking all that water can make you sick and possibly die from water intoxication, renal failure, or other causes of death.

He woke up to the sound of a very loud, long belly laugh. Then hearing someone saying

“What a stupid way to die. Sitting on the bowl, needing to urinate. That much water actually gave you a heart attack. By the way you did pee, after you died.”

“What are you talking about? Wait, I’m dead?” Chris asked.

“Turn and look” the entity said as it pointed.

Chris turned to see the sight of his lifeless body. Pants around his ankles and slumped over while still sitting on the bowl. Puddle of urine on the floor in front of his body.

“Oh shit!”

The entity said, “You did that also. We need to get out of here. It really stinks.”

It guided me out the bathroom door but when on the other side of the door way should be the hallway, Chris saw a glowing open space.

Once he came to grips with his fate, his first thought was that not only did he not win the console but even the tickets were wasted.

“So, what happens next? Heaven or hell?”

“Neither but both. An innocent stupid moment does not rate either. You have a choice to make. You can be sent into oblivion, cease to exist, or go to another world and redeem your folly”

“This has to be a joke. An anime script. If it is, I should have died from a truck hitting me. Okay, lay it on me. What is this other world and what do I need to do?”

He waited and was not surprised when he heard the entity say.

“You will be transported to a world of swords and magic.”

Now it was Chris’s turn to bust out laughing as he said,

“Let me guess. I have to fight and complete tasks, form teams and kill things, right? All because I drank too much water? Whoever writes this needs to think up something else. Like an adventure through a world of bikini babes on a sunny beach.”

“I guess that your answer is oblivion.” The entity remarked, “Then it is time for that.”

“Now wait a minute!” Chris exclaims, “That was not my decision. Just a comment. I will take the other world. Can you give me the information I need to know.”

“This world is being overrun by a force that no one has seen but it controls a large portion of the world and wants to rule over it all. Where it rules already, there is a feudal system of oppression.

You are given four benefits, powers so to speak. You need to seek out three wizards that have powers but who are not complete. Your first power is that, when you need, you boost their power to ultimate status. You turn it on but more important, that boost turns off automatically when you feel that the need is no longer there.

As far as the other three benefits, you will discover them yourself. When you discover them, they will announce the name and description.”

“Why not just tell me the others?”

“And spoil the surprise? No, you will find them when you least expect to. I need some entertainment too.” And the entity chuckles.

Now it gets serious. “I am not allowed to further interfere in this world’s affairs. I was only allowed to take a soul that needed another chance to make up for the, shall we say, blunder that caused it’s untimely death. Now ready yourself.”

With that I again blacked out.

The first task

I awoke to an unfamiliar strange world. It was a mismatched combination of jungle, desert, mountains and prairies, all mixed up. Thinking to myself, this world is fucked up, although I do feel an overwhelming presence of magic.

Having no idea of where to go to find these wizards, I start to talk to myself. Since the entity said that he could not interfere anymore, I shout,

“What is the purpose of dropping me here without a clue or ever a hint of the direction I have to go in. How in the hell am I supposed to find someone that may or may not be even in this country.”

Looking around, I see a field that has a stream in it. Suddenly I feel thirsty. I say

“Funny, I just died from drinking too much water and now I feel thirsty.”

I go down to the streams edge and start to drink. I did not notice that I was drinking for a long while. I was lost in thought. I only realized how long I was drinking until I heard a voice tell me,

“Second benefit attained. Camel. You now, when you are thirsty, will drink an exorbitant amount of water but will not show it. Now you can go for a long period of time without the need to drink. If collected, your urine can be used as an agent to cause temporary sleep. It knocks people out. This benefit is your revenge for the manner in which you died.”

Ha, ha, have a good laugh at my expense. I hope the entity is around when I pee. Actually, how does that work. If it knocks everyone out, do I get knocked out?

As I am talking to myself, I notice a traveler walking. It looks like he wants to take a drink but, with my rant, he seems to want to run, from crazy.

“Come get a drink,” I yell to him. “Just having a bad day and felt the need to yell at the entity that gave me this day.”

“Been there.” the traveler said. “I’ve barked at the moon on many occasion” With that he starts to fill his water jug.

When he is done, he holds out his hand.

“Jim Archer”

I say, “Chris Scofield. Where are you headed?”

“I’m headed to Thomastown for the annual mage gathering.”

Mage gathering? It’s a start.

“Mind if I share the road with you for a while? I’m headed nowhere and have all the time to get there.”

Jim chuckles, then tells me

“I like that. I’m going to use that saying. Traveling is safer with company. Let’s walk and talk.”

We walk a while as I give just the basics of why I was acting crazy. I didn’t fill in the spots about the entity.

“I was this close to winning a contest. All it took was a momentary lapse and I came in second. Then I was robbed of the second place prize. Now here I am, broke and all I have had is water.”

He tells me that the town is less than a day from here. He’ll show me where the quest board is.

“Do I need to be in a guild?”

“Guild? What’s that?”

“An organization that certifies you can do that quest so that you don’t get killed doing it.”

“That sounds suspicious. If you get killed, the quest is reposted for more, so most want the unlucky to take the dangerous jobs. Reposting means more money when someone died.”

“Okay, I’ll stick to the simpler ones. I need to make enough to buy some sort of weapon and some food.”

At least I don’t have to worry about water.

We have walked quite a while, when Jim stopped and starts to pee.

“We are almost there. There will be a line to enter the town to get through the guard post. Get out of line, there is no saving your position. It’s back to the back.”

I ask him if he has an empty bottle.

“I want to try something.”

He does and gives it to me. I tell him I’m shy and go over to the brush. I pee in the bottle, then cork it.

I did not pass out so it must not affect me. He sees that I have strapped the bottle to my belt. Then he asks about it.

“When we get to the line, we will slowly skip the line and walk towards the gate.”

He shrugged and we go back to walking.

He was right. The line is fifty foot long and it looks like it is moving at a snail’s pace.

“This won’t do. How long can you hold your breath?”

He tells me that it is around a few minutes only.

“When I say now, hold your breath and go through the gate.”

He looks confused but goes along as I slowly walk to around the middle. People start yelling at him to go to the back of the line. It’s like they don’t see me. I untie the bottle. They still act like they don’t see me when I tell him to start to the gate.

I start to pour the urine out. True to what I was told, the whole line collapsed. I’m still standing and I see Jim far beyond the gate. As I walk through the gate, I hear the voice.

“Third of four blessings opened. Named unnoticed. It enables you to blend in becoming unnoticed by anyone but a companion when you start to walk slow. Duration five minutes.”

I walk in and find Jim a little woozy but still awake.

“What the hell was that?”

“My urine knocks out anyone within a twenty five foot radius for a while.”

Something weird happened though. It was like they did not see you.”

“That is called unnoticed. It is like I’m not there. They just don’t see me.”

“I could use that in my magical act. You must have heard of me. My stage name is Jerrico the mysterious.”

The voice tells me “First wizard found”

Hiding the shock, I tell him that I have not heard of him.

“Tell me about your act.”

He tells me that he actually is a mage, a good one, but his magic is battlefield oriented. Even then, he always felt that something was missing.

“I never found that something that would have put me in that ultimate status so I do mostly sleight of hand. I am excellent at that.”

Getting all serious, I ask.

“Is there somewhere that we can go but not be overheard?”

“There are business ‘quiet rooms’ through out the town. They are for finishing big contracts that need to be kept in secret. We can use one that is not occupied.”

We walk around until we came across one with a vacant sign..

Once the door is locked, I lay out the whole thing from the water contest to the voice telling me that he is the first wizard. To say he does not believe me is an understatement.

“You are trying to tell me that you are on a mission and we need to find two others but we will only know them when the voice goes off in your head? You must realize that it sounds ludicrous.”

I remember that I saw an arena poster that said Beat their goliath and win a thousand gold. A gold to enter.

“Want to win a thousand gold? We split fifty-fifty. You lose, I’ll find a way to repay you. I’ll be with you when you take on the goliath.”

“No way. I’ve seen him. He can’t be beat. You would need to be an ultimate”

“If you see that you can’t beat him, kneel, but I now know that you will win. So much so that I think I’ll take a side bet. Can I borrow a gold?”

He laughs and hands me a gold.

We enter the arena as the MC is issuing the challenge. One adventurous soul accepts and enters the arena floor.

I tell Jim, “We let a few try. When it looks like no more challengers, you go in. Once you start, I’ll activate the blessing.”

After three losers, it looks like it is over when Jim accepts. He steps out to the arena floor, gets into an attack posture. I concentrate on him and I see him shutter then look at me and smiles.

He plays with the goliath to build a false hope that the goliath will win. I find someone taking bets. Jim looks like he is tiring. The bookie gives me one hundred to one and I give him my gold.

I look down and as Jim is looking a little tired, I concentrate on his movements. Suddenly, you would think that you were watching a savant. He proceeds to show just how an ultimate master works. Not breaking a sweat, he finishes off the giant

Now the Goliath is on the floor out cold. And I cease the boost.

The MC comes over and tries to call him a cheat.

“You hid the fact that you were an ultimate. That voids the match.”

“Look at my board” and he displays his status. It says battle mage level 4 of 5

The MC is forced to pay out as does the bookie.

We meet up again and go to the nearest quiet room.

He looks at me and can only say,

“You’re the real deal. I felt the serge after you made the bet. Just like you said I felt I had that little something that I was missing. Now that it is over I again feel the loss.”

“I did tell you that I have to turn it off.”

“I know that but now, I’m not letting you out of my sight. Let’s go and find the other two.”