Black Sun by Clifford Beck - HTML preview

Chapter 36

For the first few nights, Ryan had decided that sharing Abigail’s bed would likely be overwhelming for her, especially so soon after her assault. Yet, for the sake of offering her the comfort he thought she needed, he decided to slip in next to her. It didn’t seem to be an issue until he began rubbing her back. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t, please.” Ryan was more than understanding and was quick to express his concern.

“You don’t have to apologize,” he began. “Tell you what, I’ll just grab a sleeping bag and sleep in the recliner for a few days, okay?” Nodding her head, she turned toward the wall and drifted off. But sleep would not come easily, as the face of her now deceased attacker raised itself from the shadows of her memory, turning what would have been a deep sleep into tumultuous nocturnal torture. Waking several times, she looked around her apartment, now darkened by the moonless night and although Ryan lay sleeping in the recliner, Abigail was struck with the feeling that she was alone. No one could possibly understand her pain or the trauma of what would have been had Ryan not been there to put a stop to it. But she also craved his company, the warmth of his touch, the feeling of his body lying next to her in the cold night air. The struggle between pain and desire tore at her soul, leaving her unable to resolve it. The only result she would experience came in the form of quiet tears as her weary mind reached up to the arms of Morpheus, presently her only source of comfort.

Sometime during the night, Ryan was awakened by a familiar odor, a pungent burning smell that hung in the air. At first, he thought there may be a fire in the building, but as his mind quickly gained clarity, he recognized it as the smoke from Abigail’s favorite pastime. Sitting up in the recliner, he turned and saw her near an open window, smoking a bit from the ounce bag she so cherished. “Are you alright?” he asked.

Lost in a marijuana-induced haze and startled by his voice, Abigail turned and spoke with a mild slur.

She had clearly had too much.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she replied. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Given recent events, Ryan was also having difficulty sleeping. The memory of Abigail at the hands of someone whose intent was far worse than simply manhandling her ran rampant through his mind, bringing to the surface not only his anger, but grave concern for her state of mind.

“It’s okay,” he replied. “I can’t sleep either.” After a moment of silence, Abigail posed an idea that Ryan had had not considered, and found himself surprised that she would mention it at all.

“Hey,” she began. “I’ve been thinking. What would you think of leaving?”

Caught in a bit of confusion, Ryan asked what she meant by the word ‘leaving’.

“You mean go someplace else in the city? Someplace further out?” Abigail did her best to clear her thoughts then, with a still slurring voice, clarified her intentions.

“No,” she said. “I mean, let’s just get the fuck out of here, someplace in the middle of nowhere. You know, in the woods somewhere. Can we do that?”

Her consciousness was beginning to wane as Ryan considered her request. But for now, he would discount it as the ramblings of someone who had far too much to smoke. “Tell you what,” he began. “Right now, you are really high. So, why don’t we talk about it later, okay?” Abigail grunted her agreement as she began drifting off to sleep. At least, that was the way Ryan understood it.

The joint she held slipped from her fingertips and rolled onto the window sill as Abigail fell into a marijuana-induced sleep. Now, getting up from the recliner, Ryan walked over to her and, picking her up in his arms, carried her over to the bed. Gently, he laid her down and covered her flaccid body. But for a brief moment, Abigail’s mind came to the surface of awareness as she reached out and clutched Ryan’s arm.

“Come to bed,” she said.

Given she was under the influence, Ryan ignored Abigail’s request and tried to calm her into sleep.

“I’ll just be over here, okay?” he said. She began pulling him in while continuing with her request. “Please, I miss you.”

Ryan tried to reason with her and reminded her that she needed time to heal.

“But, I thought you wanted to be…”

“I know,” she began. “But I need you. I can’t even sleep without you next to me.”

Ryan hesitated as he wondered how she might react once the effect of the marijuana wore off. But, Abigail was persistent and pulling him into bed, he gave in to her request. There were no advances, no intimacy. All she wanted was the safety of his arms and the assurance that Ryan would always be there, no matter what.