Anthology Complex V by M.B. Julien - HTML preview
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.
As the black shade walks closer and closer to my being, I feel sudden fear as I see a mist begin to form in the room behind it. I close my eyes, embracing the old unknown world, and then open them and begin to walk into the room filled with mist. Inside, I felt a confusion felt only by moral men, but it soon faded away. It seems we are wisest in our first years of living and wisest in our last years of living; why must we live so many of our years as fools. Dream City, Ocidico.
Directed by Frank Jaeger
190 | THE CITY OF DREAMS
M.B. JULIEN
Chapter 78
THE SECOND MIND
2:2:8:78
The Second Mind by Cloud Hemingway
1. Alcoves - 1:30
(Woman humming)
(Ocean waves)
(Train passing)
(Ice breaking)
(Birds chirping)
When humans talk over each other,
They make no sense,
But when instruments talk over each other,
They make perfect sense.
2. The Shades of a Distant Life - 2:43
Her face fills up the sky
And puts me at peace, blue and white lullaby
She's got clouds and rain and sunlight in just one eye And in the other, shades and stills of a distant life Vowels change sounds throughout the night
And when I reach for her, she's not in sight
But softly her voice remains, it echoes and it stains And she guides me through this troubled life
3. God's Triangle - 3:30
So many strange things float in the bayou
Where at night they are revealed as moonlight casts to sea Under the dark lanes of the forties live the mortals
191 | THE SECOND MIND
M.B. JULIEN
Who are the unknown universe's oldest mystery
A deathless world
Painted by a man haunted and tired of life and death and tragedy Brushed a final brush to tell of inevitable misdeems
And of the final tragedy in all mortal dreams
4. Monolith - 6:53
There is sorrow
Something that has been in the way for years
There is anger
It hedges away
It doesn't stop until the path is blocked
“How do I get around this?”
And from left to right
It stretches on forever
Further than any eye can see
Yet some are blind to it
There is regret
It reminds one that they have made poor choices
There is foolishness
To think the answer will come tumbling down
To think the question has been finally solved
But the patterns remain
And the way is still blocked by it
Yet some walk right through it
There is stubbornness
The willful act to go one's own way despite it all
With, without
And the others are not blocked but completely free
Free to live life
And I am stuck
But today, there is also patience
192 | THE SECOND MIND
M.B. JULIEN
To know that some are slow
Let it block your path
Take time to understand
Long is the way
That leads to life
5. Rediscovery Road - 4:15
And short is the way
That leads to dismay
By steering astray
A little resilient ray
Just before night takes day
And what good is it to pray
When one cannot change one's portray
When one has lost all but the tone to inveigh
And alone must find the strength to outweigh
And alone must be the first to say
There will be no more delay
There will be no more decay
An end will come to this cliche
And relapses will be kept at bay
And the ocean's clouds no more are gray
And finally there is nothing left to pay
6. Canvasology - 6:30
You came into the world a different shade of life
A painting on the wall brushed with different paint
But artwork is not put in front of mirrors
So you could never see brushstrokes made in restraint For a long time you lived confused, yet unamused
Because even if you didn't understand
193 | THE SECOND MIND
M.B. JULIEN
You grew and knew all too well there was no plan
And for a longer time nothing was of interest
So you wander in wonder in search for the moon in the city But instead you are given a shooting star
And to cast a wish is a futile recurring theme
Because you have dreamed for too long the same dream
There are still so many strange things that float in the bayou A collection of humanity's pollution
And for years you contributed bottles to that pool
And for years you contributed bottles like a fool
She came into the world a different shade of life
With a sun and ocean watercolor depth
And you saw that the only things that change you
Are a birth or a death
But there are still so many strange things that float in the bayou A symbol of humanity's constitution
And to cast a wish is a futile recurring theme
Because you have dreamed for too long the same dream
7. The Hero with a Thousand Faces - 7:51
And you journeyed through cities following a darkened stream The light you once held was finally diminished
Once upon a time in a dream
You were born with fewer cards but ambition was your theme So less was more and more was less to you
Once upon a time in a dream
You followed an election filled with nonsense and sweetened cream 194 | THE SECOND MIND
M.B. JULIEN
Where both sides vowed the same thing
Once upon a time in a dream
Your world leaders are very well received and do well in esteem And they sent you off to war for their own gain
Once upon a time in a dream
You went here and there in search of peace and a new regime But you found only poverty and suffering
Once upon a time in a dream
You hid yourself inside a small room and lived to the extreme And the purple blood fell down your forearm
Once upon a time in a dream
In time separated by days you dressed up as a thief as part of a team You brought terror to those who were innocent or wicked Once upon a time in a dream
In the wake of compulsion you had a lust for the macabre and loved to scheme You left behind rotting corpses and tallied your body count Once upon a time in a dream
On islands of fruited trees connected by bridges adventure reigned supreme A world of mythical beings and mystical gardens awaited you Once upon a time in a dream
Exploring led you across many galaxies as you followed a single beam And you followed it uncertain of its course or origin Once upon a time in a dream
By mistake you found a hidden and mysterious town on a seam And like many who came before you became lost in it
Once upon a time in a dream
195 | THE SECOND MIND
M.B. JULIEN
When reality was but a meager form of living you found a realm of gleam Where a salesman taught you how to use your second mind Once upon a time in a dream
And the creations of mortals are not what they will see or seem You created worlds because you were the dreamer
Once upon a time in a dream
8. Hourglass - 3:24
It is objective that if something is young, by relation it will eventually become old.
Consequently, what is fresh will some day rot.; in the same regard, what is white will become black and what is born will inevitably die. On the matters of initial size, what is small will become big. A proponent of energy states if something is fast, it will become slow, and if something has the ability of revolve, it will invariably relapse. If the mind is created, it too can be destroyed, just as something that is now can be gone. And like the hourglass, if it is beginning, it too is ending.
9. Saturn Stalemate - 3:50
(Instrumental)
10. Free Spirit Dire Raven - 1:45
Listen
Death
Angered
Hated
Enraged
Silent
Level
Noon
196 | THE SECOND MIND
M.B. JULIEN
Deified
Deified
Noon
Level
Bridge
Between
Material
And
Spiritual
Identity
Freedom
Between
The
Earth
And
Sky
♪ All lyrics written by Jack Booth
197 | THE SECOND MIND
M.B. JULIEN
Chapter 79
DÉIJÀ
2:2:8:79
¶ Déijà , written by Lynnette J. Parker Hello! First of all I would like to thank you greatly for purchasing my book of poetry, Déijà. Nothing in the world could show my gratitude and appreciation! Second, I would like to tell you a little bit about the book before you begin reading it. I wrote most of these poems working graveyard at an airport diner, so a lot of it is really just my imagination in times of unrest and anticipation. What I mean by unrest and anticipation is I felt like I was put on this Earth to be more than just a waitress, and I'm sure many of you, regardless of your occupation, feel the same way. So while I waited, I felt restless and anticipated something more coming to my life, and Déijà is the release of what I dreamed during those midnight hours.
Thank you again, and enjoy!
¶ Love, Lynnette
198 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
1. Harvest Moon
2. Vadean Night
3. The Cities
4. White Lights
5. Lucifer's Crossing
6. M/P/R/C/C/D/H/S/D/G
7. The Lady From Fuchsia
8. Lead Me To My Mother's Garden
9. The View From Datura
10. Déijàs Are Forever
11. The Mystic Garden
12. Black Butterfly
13. Pandora Girls
14. In Metropolis
15. Chasing Paradise
16. In Heaven And Nirvana
17. Al Those Places You Can't Grow
18. Today Last Year
19. Snow Fal ing At Night In The Big City
20. Memories Col ected
21. Sunset Soulmates
22. The Yellow Mask
23. Quantity, Quality.
24. When You Reach Insanity
25. Mist Fal ing On Cedars
26. Al The King's Men
27. The Man Without A Country
28. A Tale Of Two Lovestones
29. In The Arms Of Lytheia
30. The Goddess Of Dreams
199 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
1.
¶ Harvest Moon
Distance and resistance, serve as the howls to the harvest moon Orange and brown petals fall to the ground, forever separated against the bloom Away from light casts the shadow of darkness, a soul reaver on a high tide Alone in dreams, distant and resistant, a peaceful life yet a lonely ride On a dark summer morning, the wind rustles through the trees A blue bird in flight lands on a branch, sits there for awhile, but life comes and it leaves Sadness, it fell back, a harvest moon bent upon the hands of time Swallowed everything whole, so welcome now, welcome to this world of mine 200 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
2.
¶ Vadean Night
Somewhere in the world there is a place with soothing rain And every other day it's as dry as air and Sun
There the lion fights to keep hold onto his reign
And in warm waters the lioness bathes her son
There can be stretches of long miles of green plain
Where the green can turn to tan and then blue beach
And the waves can soar high or be flat and plane
While back on land one could climb the huge beech
In the time of waking the birds sing for morning
All the while occurs the opening of the rose
And peace is brought to animals in mourning
And every flower comes together in rows
In the time of sleeping forms a new tropical dew
And not a sound could be heard
For rest is given where rest is due
And lying asleep is every member of the herd
Through the days run wild the animated deer
And at low evening the stars gnite
There is no more a beautiful place, my dear
Upon the fall of a still vadean night
201 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
3.
¶ The Cities
Of the house of angels
There allowed was no sin
And graced were roses that had been
Laid by life were emeralds near
But its twin of death slept just rear
The lighter clouds were push by fervent wind
And the darker clouds were like fountains again
Then came the music
A circle became of the crowd
And that night we none slept
And we the brothers and sisters bowed
We wandered through a bright charming place,
For all around us was magic, a glaring light that streams, But it dove into an endless rivercase
And in eternity, we saw the dark city of dreams
202 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
4.
¶ White Lights
Trapped in a body that doesn’t feel like home. Trapped in an apartment that doesn’t feel like shelter.
The reckoning has already taken place. They’ve cut up their clothes. Bandaged their wounds.
Sit quietly, chest heavy.
A dose of hormones is packaged within reach, promising to rewire reality. Sculpt their bones, comfort the crying child with more than just a balloon.
Comic book pages cover the walls. Nothing’s ever as simple as putting on a costume.
It all unfolds into a useless pattern: feed the bird, fight for employment in the wrong body, avoid mirrors. Drowning but slowly.
The door is locked and the radio is blaring. They swallow the pills one by one like sprinkles and wait for the clouds to come.
203 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
5.
¶ Lucifer's Crossing
Last night, I had a dream,
It was bout Lucifer,
It was so serene,
And he stared at me,
With eyes that seemed to beam,
“Which way are you going?” he asked,
“Up or down?”
You see I was new in town,
And so I needed someone to guide me around,
I can already hear you saying,
To defer,
And not to follow,
Lucifer,
But it's too late,
My soul is lost,
And when I'll get it back?
Never,
It's been eight years now,
Since Lucifer tricked me,
Picked me,
Ripped me,
Lipped me,
Chipped me,
Sipped, with me,
“I'm going down,”
I told Lucifer,
“And maybe someday later,
I'll go up,”
He told me he was going the same way,
So with blind eyes,
I tried to keep up,
204 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
I can already hear you saying,
To defer,
And not to follow,
Lucifer,
But I'm astray,
Off the path,
And by now I no longer fear,
God's wrath,
The first place we went to was a tavern,
Or maybe it was an inn,
And there we drank poison,
And this is where the story will truly begin,
“I'll buy the first six rounds,”
Lucifer said to me,
“And if we go past six my friend,
Then the next six shall be on ye,”
And so we sat,
And drank,
And talked,
And when came midnight,
We thought we should go,
And the rounds we tallied was six,
And this I thought you should know,
The second place we went,
Was to a place with no name,
But there they played a quiet game,
And what they played for was for souls,
From the sickened beasts of the highs and lows,
“We'll take two,”
Lucifer called out,
And then he looked my way with glee,
“No need to search your pockets,” he smiled,
205 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
“Tonight.. Tonight's on me,”
And so we sat,
And played,
And talked,
And when came midnight,
We thought we should go,
And the winnings we tallied was four,
And this I thought you should know,
Now the next place we went,
Was to a place where the wounded sell their flesh,
Where the owls sit and rest,
And where Jesus sat and tested,
“Don't mind the imperfections, son,”
Lucifer reassured,
“All that is here is the beauty won,
And this and that by which you are lured,”
And once again,
I was in Lucifer's quarter,
And I laid with skin,
Whom I later found out,
Was a wild spender,
And quite a bit of a loud snorer,
I thought it was now,
Time that I'd leave this town,
And maybe thank Lucifer,
For showing me around,
And as I went to go,
He caught me so,
And asked me for a favor,
How could I say no?
“I spent all my money on you,
And now I need to get more,
206 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
I will rob the depository,
Can you stand guard at the door?”
I thought about it,
Then agreed,
To help a friend who helped me,
To help a friend in need,
And on that night,
There I stood as he did his deed,
But it wasn't long before,
Lucifer kept his creed,
The long arm of the law,
From all sides it would hail,
And by that morning,
I saw that I was in kept in a small jail,
Every evening,
Lucifer comes by to count us all,
To see his prisoners,
And their inevitable fall,
There he stands and points,
And one by one by one,
He tallies us all,
And we cannot bum or hum or run,
The moment Lucifer picks you,
You surely are doomed,
And there is no way out,
Of that God forsaken room.
207 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
6.
¶ M/P/R/C/C/D/H/S/D/G
Many escape through riding one
Politicians often enemize them
Representation of souls entwined
Compassionately regretting yourself
Comes as red diamonds sometimes
Date end added to Heaven/Hell
Habituate on mostly everyday
Sign meaning I like everyone
Days are rather killed
Good old deity
208 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
7.
¶ The Lady From Fuchsia
When I came from Fuchsia, they called me by my name
They knew who I was, and they knew why I came
I had a great fortune, no one else had quite the same I lived my whole life from fortune, fortune to fame
I knew a man named Malenko, he lost all of his load
When he told them he had no money, they told him to hit the road If I were, to ever fail or flail
I’d probably end my life or end up in jail
And this is the thought that led me to worry
What I had said fed me to hurry
This is when I feared God and his seven jury
The steel of the rail stroke me with stlife
And that day, I had a walk that changed my life
209 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
8.
¶ Lead Me To My Mother's Garden
Sometimes I am nurtured, but mostly I must survive on my own I love the rain, but too much of it can be no good
I don't like when people step on me, but it's something I have learned to deal with Sometimes when I am shy or afraid or the night comes, I will close up But just because I close up does not mean I am closing you out I like to smell nice and pretty, but sometimes I wish it would keep others away I wear all kinds of different colors but almost never black I have many names and I respond to them all
Painters paint me often because they think I'm beautiful and attractive But the only thing I really want is to attract my dark butterfly 210 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
9.
¶ The View From Datura
Venus-light, up above, calls to me within these closing walls To think upon a vast universe, angrily governed, by these strange man's laws The waters ripple, then wave, then tsunami, according to design But each movement so delicate, and yet so backwards without reason or rhyme When did this all begin? Can it start? Can it end?
Or is it all just a doomed illusion, some geometrical bend Off the asteroid, off the satellite, off the country of Finland The echoing soundprint dances once, then twice, then comes back again Philosophy, the lovers of wisdom, of pain, of madness and sorrow They know only one thing, that they know nothing, and that knowledge is only something you borrow
Diamonds and crystals and emeralds and rubies, gold and silver, onyx, sapphire They demonstrated the daisied dame as she sang in daisies and satire A portrait of the ladybird in her rosedress,
Twin souls, too rare to die, and sleepless in atlantess This is my view, my disease, my dark aurora
This is now my home, furnished with a philosophical view from Datura 211 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
10.
¶ Déijàs Are Forever
I leaf again and again through those miserable memories, And keep asking myself, was it then, in the wind of that remote autumn That the rift in my life began;
Or was my excessive desire for life and love
Only the first evidence of an energetic but tired heart?
Sitting on that ledge for hours,
Sometimes I'd watch the Sun when clouds were in front of it and it appeared as a glow.
I kept thinking, “There has to be someone out there who could help me.
Someone who could help me find my way so I didn't have to feel so ugly and miserable all the time.”
It often reminded me of my lake, Cellardoor.
Walking across the shoreline;
Beaches, sand in my feet. Hadean dragonflies. Heating Sun.
I would punch that train ticket man,
Go to that damn lake,
And watch my fucking life go down the drain.
It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, Emptied me of hope, and,
Gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, For the first time, the first,
I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe.
It was one of those feelings you couldn't pinpoint,
Like an answer lost in a dream at the back of mind.
So she wept, and her lucky star flickered until it went out, And in the darkness, her flowers closed.
She has no idea of the death and sadness that was here before.
There's a black butterfly in every garden, whether you see it or not.
They mostly come in the darkness, when there is no hour, no minute, When everything is still,
212 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
Because death has created time to grow the things that it would kill.
But being with you, though, I feel a sort of renewed happiness.
I feel like an uncharted rose.
Because when you're so alone like I was,
The high tide from that lake will come only to swallow you whole And leave behind madness in its wake.
Slowly but surely we both removed the mask that we were both wearing for eachother And we made a connection.
A real connection, with no masks, but plain faces.
Truth and honesty.
And we found a type of unity, a type of connection, that we didn't know was possible, All because we stopped lying
And so it happened,
That with the wind and the great bursts of leaves flowing from the trees, Just as things fly in fast movies,
I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the fall.
In the night I saw some interesting things.
Yellow leaves on the ground,
Some kind of blue flower bending slightly from the October wind.
I of course watched it, and at some time the wind began to take over the town.
The blue flower bowed from the breeze, then finally it bent, hung there, and snapped.
In my mind, the sound of a waterfall fell very softly and I loved watching it, But it also reminded me that mostly everything in life is fleeting.
Love, hate, joy, sorrow.
It always makes me think of Celladoor when there are no waves.
Just silence in the Milky Way.
Just a faint sound of water moving.
After you get tired of the stillness, a part of you wishes for a tsunami.
Back then,
213 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
I was filled with so much ambition but couldn't express myself because I was trapped.
Or maybe I just didn't know how to.
I knew I was beautiful, I was filled with passion,
But my ambition was like a secret hidden so far into my being and sometimes even I couldn't see it.
I wore my heart on my sleeve, out in the open for anyone to stab it.
It had no protection from the perils of outside forces, And so many times they would come by and stab it, and stab it, and stab it, And it bled and bled and bled until the life inside me was gone.
But I always seem to come back to the place that was, As best as I can describe it,
Tangible without being actual.
It is now only a dream, a memory,
Long and distant and forgotten in the fading paint,
I have started over, again and again
And plan to yet again,
The difference this time being that I am prepared to do so alone But I have taken my friend to Cellardoor sometimes,
Because it has always had space for two.
And for splinters of a second, sometimes I can see what he sees In my lovely Cellardoor Lake,
For my love has shown me a brand new world,
Dark, mysterious and cold, but beautiful,
And where déijàs are forever
214 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
11.
¶ The Mystic Garden
In a darkened wood stood the daisied dame.
The moth flies with lust, his desire is that of the flame.
In a sunny forest alongside a falling shower.
The butterfly rests in love, her lover seeing her beauty akin to that of a flower.
In a mystical garden, the bloom shall meet the fire.
But one does wonder, when is it love and not lust, when is it beauty and not simply desire?
215 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
12.
¶ Black Butterfly
I watch you
You have no idea, but I watch you
I watch you from my window when you come home
I watch you from my car when you head out
I look back and watch you when we pass eachother in the hallway Baby, you don't have a clue, but I'm a watcher and I'm drawn to you I'm a weirdo
You have no idea, but I'm a weirdo
I'm weird when I'm around you, but I'm weirder when I'm alone I'm weird, very weird in person, and I'd be a hundred times weirder if I ever got you on the phone
I'm weird from 12 to 12, but after midnight, I swear I'm a freak Honey, you don't have a clue, but I'm a weirdo and I'm drawn to you I stalk
I stalk because I want to know if you're available, or if you're with some other lady So I stalk you down the street, sometimes even lurk beyond the road I follow you into stores, into malls, into parks
I sometimes hide in my garden, wait for you to leave, so I can stalk you in the night Darling, you don't have a clue, but I'm a stalker and I'm drawn to you I'm a creep
I walk on eggshells to avoid you, but I hide behind the vineyard just to touch you I'm a creep, but not a normal creep, I'm a creep just for you I'm a creep, but I'm not violent, I'm just a creep, a creep afraid of you Sweetheart, you don't have a clue, but I'm a creep and I'm drawn to you I'm psychotic
If I don't see you I go crazy, if I don't see you I go insane I'm a psychopath and if I'm mad, please get out of my way I'm a psycho, I'm a psycho, I'm a psycho just for you Buttercup, you don't have a clue, but I'm a psycho and I'm drawn to you I am shy
216 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
I don't know why but I always have been, it's just the way I am I'm shy, but I fantasize, I dream of the night we first make love I'm shy if I like you, but never shy if I love you
I'm shy, so what, one of these days I'm going to talk to you Oh, Romeo, oh, Romeo, you don't have a clue, but I'm shy and I'm drawn to you I am a black butterfly
I watch you in the dark so I can't be seen
I'm weird like a dancing lady in a feverish dream
I stalk like a little lion who is hungry for lean
I creep like a shadow as if from a horror scene
I'm psychotic like a psycholady small and mean
I'm shy like a child but don't treat me like I'm green There you are, I see you, come to me now
I'm obsessed with you, but I can't move, I'm frozen, I won't let you get away So I will create time to grow the things that I will kill A praying mantis, a moth, lacksided and doused in shrill I am attracted to flowers, bill and bill and bill!
Haha! It worked! I'm catching up to you now and I will suck out your soul!
I will press my lips against yours and breathe in your spirit and swallow it whole!
Wait, what's this?!? Noo! Where did you go??? Come back to me!! Come back to your Juliet!
…..
And then I looked behind me, and I saw you, caught in a web of your dreamy eyes, paralyzed by the poison of your eternal love
Oh, my prince, you were the catch that I was after
But I looked up and I was in your arms, and I knew that it was I who was captured How could I let this happen, I laid down so many traps, and yet so, the hunter has been captured by the game!
Oh my dearest one, you don't have any idea, you don't even have a clue, but I am so, so many things, and I'm so desperately and dearly drawn to you!
217 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
13.
¶ Pandora Girls
A prostitute slowly puts on nylon stockings, then came several anticipated knockings 1 Corinthians 6:16
An escort's dress blew upwards from the wind, eyes wandered undisciplined Matthew 5:28
A stripper bent over to pick up a hose, all without knowing what had been exposed 1 Peter 2:11
A supermodel opened his legs to stretch, his pink panties ripped and ruined his sketch Leviticus 20:13
Miss Universe was walking and suddenly by a sprinkler she was sprayed, her top was now wet and the white now grayed
Colossians 3:5
A pornstar was eating a ripe banana, an innocent little treat by your Roxana Proverbs 5:19
A webcam girl was jogging and her breasts were bouncing, one would think she was intentionally flouncing
Romans 13:13-14
218 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
14.
¶ In Metropolis
Tears caught before falling
Poured on wounds unhealed
Walking streets unknown
Holding what's left of you
You made it
This isn't where you thought you'd make it to
There are too many things amiss
You can't keep your head straight
Some ignore it, it keeps them sane
It's not what you presumed true
You made it
This isn't where you thought you'd make it to
What did you expect?
Hallowed ground, a religious epiphany?
A beautiful garden of peace and serenity?
This isn't where you thought you'd make it to?
You made it
You fool
219 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
15.
¶ Chasing Paradise
Sleep on a train to San Rashida
Where lakes and lips and uniforms are sky-blue
Wake up in Ocidico
Where forests and headphones and gowns are leaf-green Write on a bus through big town G.S.
Where fields and horses and shoes are wood-red
Finish the dream in Chase
Where mountains and walkie-talkies and headscarfs are sun-yellow Then take a plane to Paradise
Where imagination never ends and the portals to worlds are dream-purple 220 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
16.
¶ In Heaven And Nirvana
I am sitting down in my round déijà garden pardon the bright beauty and the silence not a sound and the sky is darkened the white cutie rose only grows if it knows there is guidance and will be hearkened see the flowers all around me see the powers that crown me in my universe alone I am home and I will reimburse my love when I roam like a dove who sings in metronome or a glove worn by kings in ratteens when they present their genome rings to their queens in a place with a pearl-case dome and romantic dreams I am getting up now in my lace dress bow face pressed against my tallest plant chant can't reach peace without the smallest suffering the life of ease leads to a callous buffering but I am a symbolized as a callused woman being rekindlized who hums a poem hymnalized to hypnotize the passerbys in gloom so that they may find patience after they smell the fragrance bloom forget the doom when you are with me and soon we will be pain-free I am now in dance and in a state of trance my mate to date has not yet seen me but there is still a chance so I will wait for fate before I paint this scenery so much greenery so in touch is me who is she I have asked but she is masked behind machinery I am nature not a robot or citizen or legislature I will begin again and crush the haiture I fantasize about the gain from the rain photosynthesize in delight about what I will attain from the light I take my watering pot rainfall on the plot water all my children not one hungry got to first smile among thee erstwhile being warm sunshine and worthwhile and vile-free for the life I have made so I am going flower by flower to twinkle at each one it's fun to sprinkle a rose-ton of happiness and wrinkle sadness spread gladness give me gratitude give me madness but not destruction I want creative badness make me an architect of innovative radness so colorful people will need sunglasses when they see me but not just me my inner beauty inner spirit inner soul and they hear it they just know I am near it almost whole but my confessions I can hardly rhyme many sessions to write just one line cut up in sections to keep what's mine and still I write so I don't fall behind these are words I must unite no matter how difficult the time I am walking again now talking again now around the edge of my valentine place to where I pledge a divine embrace make promises of peace lilies in glorious grace cease sillies of the world and decisions made in haste I have an idea I saw it in a galleria of paint saw a saint who taught herself how to live alone and without complaint how to live in tone in an existence that was faint away from humans in subsistence no resistance from anyone not even herself it was quaint and her solitude brought her so much she saw her past perception was skewed and a last acception was reviewed and her absence from humanity was restored and she came back better than before for her loneliness showed her that connection was not something to be ignored detoured she now understood that in the neighborhood everyone is battling something and needs to be assured and heard if we all learned this lesson too a blessing 221 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
maybe two would come down pretty and new on us all and perhaps a few could turn it into art by a talent they knew bring back together the world apart and help it restart into something worth the view and birth the new creations of nations who work in tandem and in conscience of the oppressed depressed repressed who have no dawn in sight or a drawn reason to hold on tight and fight for every second of life gone by I pick a flower and raise it up in height for all who walk by shall receive a déijà hey yah believe I don't deceive no tricks up my sleeves only plants and picks of leaves that I've chosen for you so here you go take it before the wind blows in or the cold makes it frozen my intentions are pure and golden thank you for receiving my flower gift the tensions were building now I am gilding the rift it means as much to me as you for taking my flower gift I bid you farewell so fare well in this life do not sell what makes you strife use it well to dwell in a story that you will later tell in experience a tale that gave you a cheery sense but not before it gave you a dreary since it is in living to know what makes you happy first makes you sad then time heals you and it makes you glad then takes and steals something you wish you had and this is living from year one to the final stat a cycle of ups and downs and this and that I am going to lay down now in my garden laid out flat I love being here beautiful what a view to fully look at so many colors to whisper all these brothers and sisters you all be good now mother goes to sleep to dream don't you fight each other please keep the peace to gleam like the rainbows that you are beam the grainglows so very far for all to see and be happy look at me I'm still awake for fuchsia's sake or maybe I'm in a realm it's okay these thoughts won't stop they race and race but keep the pace fed by trauma and I shall not sleep until it is done in Heaven and Nirvana.
222 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
17.
¶ All Those Places You Can't Grow
On a highway grows a white rose
Tainted by its past
It grew to forgive itself
Under darkness grows a yellow rose
Alone and lonely
Without sunlight it grew in solace
In a desert grows an orange rose
Suddenly aware of its ignorance
Found a way and grew by change
In a dumpster grows a pink rose
Who was ungrateful for the shelter
But soon grew into gratitude from the weather
Near a fire grows a red rose
The inferno a symbol of its hate
Grew into a symbol of its compassion
On the sands of a beach grows a peach rose
Caught within a mental battle
Pierced the armor and grew to truce
On the Moon grows a green rose
It's creation was artificial
Though it grew to be sincere
On the shoulder of a human grows a purple rose
It could see not a thing
Until it grew to love everything it saw
Underwater grows a blue rose
In time, solving a poem
It grew into understanding an enigma
223 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
During snowfall grows a black rose
And its nature dark by default
Grew in a place that it can't grow
224 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
18.
¶ Today Last Year
Used to believe that your home was always going to be your home Wasn't till I met you that I realized how sad I was, and how alone Before then I just couldn't see that I was truly on my own I was too blind to see that I had to leave there, else I wouldn't have grown I want you to know that before you, I never found a place that I felt I belonged I was always lost or out of place, always felt like I was wrong Maybe it was because I was too weird, or maybe because I came on too strong And so before I knew it, the ship sailed, I was too late and it was already gone Then you came into my life, like a river that would run me dry You taught me how to love again, you taught me how to cry You made me stronger, then you made me weaker, I thought you became a lie I miss you, and I hate you, and a small part of me almost wants to die I don't care, I'm yours even if you're not mine
I just want to see that ship again just one more time I want to know that it's not over for me, that I can rewind I need you to touch me again, and tell me that everything's fine If you asked me where I'd go tonight, I'd go back to today last year When you held me in your arms and I cried all those happy tears And for the first time in my life my heart had found its home and had no fear And we danced the night away, not in some paradise, but just here, right here 225 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
19.
¶ Snow Falling At Night In The Big City
In the east, the Sun, it rises close,
And at the very least, the children, shine brighter than most, Than the Moon, and its dark nightly glow,
Than a lightened tree, even after bark touches snow.
The sunfall and snowrays are touching to me,
A place in my heart, and I just can't wait to see,
When the sun shines and the light snow floats,
Onto my two little ones in their worn winter coats.
When you're small, the city is big,
And when you're big, the city is still big,
But don't be afraid to dream because you are itty bitty, Anything can happen when there is snow falling at night in the big city.
226 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
20.
¶ Memories Collected
There is music in the forest
A melody on Saturn
And a piano stored away
There is film of the universe without space
A TV shows the flood
And a blizzard storms a land
There is literature of a star-crossed love
A spaceship in Chione
And a city in art
There can be notes in a question
But can there be acts in the lifeless?
Take my hand into that world
227 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
21.
¶ Sunset Soulmates
I think back on those days when the Sun used to set
An outstretched arm grasping for shine as if a net
Sitting, lying, standing, alone, on my bed, a beach, under a tree, if only to forget
“Hello,” “hey,” “hi,” “pleased to meet you,” I'd say, “my name is Lynnette.”
And a year would go by, I lost one love then gained another And another year went by, and how quickly this one became the other Heartbreak after heartbreak, I decided to take a heartbrake And in that time a part of me found itself, if only for my heart's sake I fell in love with the universe, nature, ideas
I fell in love with my mind, and this would prepare me for you My emotions, like wildflower, grew uncontrollably
But I knew I had to survive, night to night, because one day fate would save you for me So the years came and went, and every
day I thought of you, thought of what was meant to be I saw us playing, singing, dancing, as soulmates, in a world that was free Everyday I thought of you, being here, resting peacefully in my arms Allowing me to take care of you, lover, I've dreamt of that love for so long And in some final year, where birds chirp as two settle fears, Your eyes came to meet mine and we smiled, and I found you after so many years To be in your presence after being alone for so long, Is a feeling so immaculate, a feeling so much better than even my dream So, so many tears, so many tears that I have cried,
So much depression, disappointment, disillusionment, and to my face, how often they lied But holding you, and you holding me, I have found a sacred place, I want to stay here, in this, for eternity, forever lost in your embrace And so now today, as I catch the Sun's rays on my face and in my hand I am writing you this poem, which I hope you'll understand I hope that you will see that I did not suddenly appear in your life But that I traveled a very long and difficult road, filled and packed with strife 228 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
I need you to understand that I fought for you, every morning I fought for you, and that I'm fighting for you even today
And I need you to know that I survived for you, so we could have this evening, and so we could have tonight
Now that I have poured out my heart to you, I am thinking again of those days when the Sun used to set
Those days are long behind me, as I am no longer lonely, my heart finally filled with the one person I get
229 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
22.
¶ The Yellow Mask
When they asked me why I smiled
I told them with a pearl
From the days I was a child
Until I grew to be a girl
I followed blindly the ways of people
And asked not a single question
I stood in front of a tree pole
And they taught me through my session
I learned to walk, talk and act
Until I was accepted into society
Then the Sun came and taught me not a fact
And I ran to the lost like a free coyote
When I returned my changes were sufficient
By the days I was criticized for being different
Though my life was dirt
I had found self-peace
When they asked me why I still smiled
I said it was because of the Sun’s release
230 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
23.
¶ Quantity, Quality.
You have nine lives to live, but you only need one for a chance to give.
You have an eight-ball for the things to come, but have forgotten how to live day-to and day-from.
You have seven world-wonders to contemplate, but look inward at the construction of fate.
You have six sides to a dice, but any way you roll it you've got to pay a price.
You have five weekdays to a week, but it's only on one of them that you truly peak.
You have four sides to a square that's true, but there must have been a door when you came through.
You have a three-dollar bill approved in legality, but it's as fake as your three-dollar personality.
You have two sides to every story, but one of them belongs to the fictional category.
You have one shot to turn a dream into reality, but you are better off learning to live with nirvanity.
You have zero-tolerance for mistakes made, but you yourself are imperfect and still afraid.
231 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
24.
¶ When You Reach Insanity
What makes a sane woman crazy, makes a crazy woman sane, Lose a foot today and you'll never be the same,
Breathless to regain what you left behind,
Restless you'll go insane or step back in line,
Break ways of sudden chaos to find where your mind went blind, Fake rays of mudden will faze us to lead us to a time that may unwhine a lie, Because sane or insane we're only gonna die,
Plain or unplain none of us will rise high,
Trained or untamed people will wonder why,
And now my future days will go to waste,
Just how my ruther ways turned bitter in taste,
Though black and yellow makes the crazy woman mellow, True crimes will always bother an unmothered fellow,
Cruel times will rule minds and make souls shallow,
They’ll fuel rhymes on draft lines and give women sorrow, You borrow one life, and then you die tomorrow,
Without seeing the change that has ranged from mid-town to the city, It’s a pity, the Sun's light doesn't exist where it's best to ignite and stop a murderist, Or to end a fight and erase from this list,
To find a better measure, womankind has lost its treasure, It’s changed from a rock to a feather, ready to be destroyed in thunderous weather, Becoming weaker and weaker in the mind all together,
Struggling to see the sign that's anything but clever, And don't ever expect to receive respect you'll be deceived and turned into a wreck, Never be relieved so you go in to get checked,
They call you naive and a total reject, no one will even try to believe the things you detect, Then you see the world in a different view,
Your mind is hurled that these people have no clue,
The fact they never hold true to the things they do,
Then you start seeing things that you never knew,
It’s the sins that we do that make the sky blue,
And when it’s night your unguided so you fall through, Nothing’s right so you try to re-write it but come up with nothing new, So this rhyme is a note to myself,
This last line is what I wrote and put on my shelf.
232 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
25.
¶ Mist Falling On Cedars
There once was a place inhabited by colored turtles
Some of them were red, some of them were yellow
But the red did not like the yellow
And they disposed of them in a manner which was not mellow There once was a place inhabited by red turtles
Some of them had hard shells, some of them had soft shells But the hard shells did not like the soft shells
And they disposed of them on two parallels
There once was a place inhabited by hard-shelled turtles Some of them were tall, some of them were short
But the tall did not like the short
And they disposed of them after holding court
There once was a place inhabited by tall turtles
Some of them spoke Turtish, some of them spoke Turgin But those who spoke Turtish did not like those who spoke Turgin And they disposed of them in a manner that was surgeon And after all of this, many of the turtles were the same They spoke Turtish, were tall, had hard shells and were red But even when all diversity was gone, there was still debate And the identical turtles still found many new ways to hate 233 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
26.
¶ All The King's Men
You wake up, you breathe
You learn and you skill
You learn to accept it
When you see them kill
You learn to be proud
Of the blood that is shed
You're taught it's an honor
To have your child dead
Some of us think we're so clever
And our hands are clean
But we're just a cog
In a bigger machine
They've got you locked up
You have nowhere to go
So don't try to protest
Or put on a show
Twenty odd men
Have more power than you
They fool you into thinking
That their lies are true
You'll try to break free
Of the locks and the chains
You'll try to see God
Through the stress and the pain
And then when you find Him
Oh what will you do?
Feel like a hero
But come back a fool
Religion won't save you
And fighting won't do
Because they sleep with a gun
And they keep an eye on you
Knowledge is power
They know much more than you
You'll go crazy in trying
234 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
To avoid the rules
You say you can take them
You'll be loud, fierce and mean
But they have methods of quieting
That you've never seen
235 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
27.
¶ The Man Without A Country
Had no past, but is known in history
Had no duty, yet influenced many
Had no money, but was rich in heart
Had no friends, yet was a stranger to none
Had no story, but spoke of many tales
Had no emotion, yet processed it all
Had no young, but was a father to all children
Had no desires, yet gained everything
Had no country, but was a citizen of the world
Had no future, yet found destiny
And where he went, I followed, even if it was into the dark 236 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
28.
¶ A Tale Of Two Lovestones
Down by the river, I saw you in sunshine,
where yellow was the color of your hugs when you gave me golden friendship.
Over the short bridge, I felt your beating heart,
where red was the color of your love when you gave me ruby kisses.
Among the ash-heaps and millionaires, I heard your singing voice, where white was the color of your siren-song when you gave me diamond smiles.
Under snowfall in January, I wanted you at twilight,
where purple was the color of your sky when you gave me crystal desires.
In the city of darkness, I saw you in the night,
where black was the color of your spirit when you gave me onyx butterflies.
A lady in my mind, I followed you in mysterious dreams, where blue was the color of your beautiful dress when you gave me sapphire muses.
Across the grass fields, I was influenced by your femininity, where pink was the color of your softness when you gave me spinel feelings.
Under rainfall in April, I saw you drown in sorrow,
where peach was the color of your cry when you gave me pearl tears.
By great folly, I grew with you on the farm,
where orange was the color of your fruit when you gave me amber passion.
Around our home, I smelled your garden roses,
where green was the color of your poverty when you gave me emerald treasure.
237 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
29.
¶ In The Arms Of Lytheia
Dare I say it was love, because I am not sure if I've ever loved anything Perhaps I was only recreating him, because I have never met a man like himself A puzzle to riddlers in madness, an answer to thinkers of sadness I looked through the hole and saw him wearing the same darkness he was wearing before For a second I fooled myself into believing that I knew who he was And even if I couldn't see other things because the view was so narrow I at least knew I could see him, and understand him
A paradox to artists asleep, an artifact to searchers to keep There was an internal struggle that kept me prisoner
It was this dark man surrounded by light
Who teaches me and inspires me even though a part of him has been taken away He guides me through this dark corridor with his pain and his adjusted eyes A vision to those who are blind, a dream to those lost in mind I remember that he had told me that a black star meant uncontrollable lust But I know that the feelings I have for him are nothing short of passionate This feeling that I think is obsession is cloaked only in love A desire to women in need, a nightmare to women he does not heed There he was, teaching, what about I can't remember
But his appearance, even more than his voice, was most appealing to me Black suit, a gaze in his eyes
For a moment I black everything else out
And the only thing that I know for sure that is real is his wisdom Despite the fact that it was a daydream
And despite the fact that wisdom is simply an idea and perception For that moment I feel as if I could hold the wisdom he possesses That I could find it somewhere and keep it safe
A treasure to any of past, a prophet to those who were last He told me that a perfect helix represented the cyclical nature of life If I could build a perfect helix maybe I would give it to him But chances are what should have been perfect would come out imperfect 238 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
An inspiration to those who create, a doubt to those with the shyness trait I once loved, and once I thought I was loved
But it is no more and we have parted
And I hoped that you would have taken me in
But you left before I waved
And it was too late
I wished on a star
I will always remember
You and me
Darkness even in day, but in my arms he was always light A glint to sailors lost at sea, a candle to poets who are not free 239 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
30.
¶ The Goddess Of Dreams
Charge the spirit
With strength from the déijà heart
Vacate the throne
With defiance from the déijà queen
Build destiny
With awakening from the déijà myth
Seek commitment
With fire from the déijà bride
See truth
With vision from the déijà nightdream
Hear the silence
With practice from the déijà sonata
Know yourself
With promise from the déijà secret
Breathe in the pain
With relief from the déijà twinstorm
Find freedom
With flight from the déijà bird
Understand the riddle
With kinship from the déijà poet
Discover the unknown
With curiosity from the déijà planet
Unlock potential
With vastness from the déijà sky
See differently
With openness from the déijà mind
Be wholesome
With nourishment from the déijà fruit
Flow gently
With form from the déijà river
Embrace adventure
With tales from the déijà dame
Become unbreakable
With arrangement from the déijà diamond
Haunt the atmosphere
240 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
With shadows from the déijà moonlight
Feel the sixth sense
With instinct from the déijà soul
Shine bright
With power from the déijà sunlight
Blossom beautifully
With wisdom from the déijà flower
Live forever
With immortality from the déijà everlasting
Scale dreams
With madness from the déijà brain
241 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
. .Human beings are not very complex when it comes to emotion, as we only really have a few core emotions. If you rely on emotion to power your art, you will have a very limited scope and by logic your art will be simple itself. Instead, I believe you should let your mind power your art; the part of the brain where enduring dreams occur; like a lightning storm in windy autumn with yellow leaves flittering to the ground..
***
Lynnette Jones Parker was born in the city of San Rashida, though she currently lives in the locale of Chase with her son and daughter, David and Sara Parker. Initial y, Parker was given into the art of painting by her grandmother as a child but has more recently tried her hand at poetry. To develop her writing she briefly attended Leavenworth Community Col ege, but decided the courses were not in line with what she hoped to create. Déijà is her first book and she hopes to publish again in the future.
242 | DÉIJÀ
M.B. JULIEN
Chapter 80
WINTER NIGHTS
2:2:8:80
THE meadow of moths had always been to me a symbol of construction and reconstruction, but it figured into my more fantastic mind as a syphon of reverie. An entry to another world where designs are not fully complete. But it is indeed complete now, and that passage has been closed.
I waited in the early darkness for the subway to arrive, and in my waiting I noticed a quite large painted butterfly on the platform of the train station. Then I was on the four-thirty train, southbound, when a young African-American girl came onto the train with her dog. It was strange to me to see an animal on the train. Even stranger was her birthmark.
Leaving Chase and entering San Rashida, I found myself looking out of the window and thinking about Sara's city from Worlds Into Dreams. In the real world she can't see very well, which is why she wears glasses; though in her mind and in her dreams she has an anthologic eye and when creating she sees the world better than most people her age.
Which vision is more vital to life? What you can see in reality or what you can see in dreams? Even the blind rely on the anthologic eye, and those who can actually see, often in many circumstances, trade that sight for the imaginations that allow them to control their fragile realities, because every heart, it seems, is bound by a world of dreams.
I get off the subway and make my way to the airport. Upon entering a wide and busy place, I heard the faint sounds of someone's young crying, and as I moved closer toward the commercial area I realized it was a young boy crying for a leaving father. Yet in juxtaposition was the enthusiasm of a coming father seeing his son. Airports are a place of happiness or sadness. It's people coming and people leaving. Sometimes it's both in one week.
I finally saw the déijà everlasting at her diner when I turned the corner and walked into the commercial area. Currently she was tending to several customers and it was busier than I imagined it would be. I sat down and waited patiently for her to finally get to me but I didn't order anything.
When Giselle arrived not to relieve her but to enter her shift alongside Lynne, I suddenly remembered that it was a holiday and found the answer to why the airport was so busy. Seeing as her hands were constantly tied, I asked her if there was a pharmacy in the airport, and she told me the directions promptly saying I would need to take the shuttle train that was inside the airport to get to that section of the airport.
I had checked Chase Foods; they have their own pharmacy; for medicine that treated twitches, but they had none, and so I had plans to check a pharmacy in the airport.
243 | WINTER NIGHTS
M.B. JULIEN
While on the shuttle, my mind wandered, and in imaging what the pharmacy would look like in my mind I also imagined all the illness in life, which then made me think of Dave and the question he asked me yesterday.
“What is the point of life if everything dies?” Indeed it was another one of the “old”
questions that lately seem to be plaguing his thoughts. One of those old questions that you cannot answer objectively but only subjectively, although to be more accurate, sentimentally. And like I answered him before I simply said no one who is alive knows.
Everyone has a multitude of defining moments in their life, but there is always one moment that stands above the rest. It is a moment so distinguished that there is a side to life before it and a side to life after it. And the greatest of these moments always bring about the examination of the old questions.
What is daunting, though, is that these old questions often have no answers, and people are usually terrified of questions that have no answers.
Why is there evil? Most people will blame Satan because most people need answers, but inside we are all afraid that existence is the question without an answer because it means everything is meaningless. Is the universe the ultimate question without an answer?
When I got to the pharmacy I found medication for twitches and I also found medication for Dave's numbed fingertips. I must admit, though, that on my way back I got lost in the airport. By the time I realized I was lost, Lynne was finishing her shift and after communicating with her she found me. Walking out of the airport, it was still completely dark as we made our way to the train station.
It was when a state police cruiser passed us by with glaring and flashing lights that we saw that it had begun to snow lightly, small specs of snow revealed by the police vehicle's red lights. After it had passed we walked on the edge of a sidewalk that was closed for construction and populated by orange and white construction warnings that wore yellow blinking lights.
When we finally made it off the sidewalk, we waited for a green traffic light to allow us to traverse the street. Upon waiting I noticed the distant city skyline and a blue light that sat at the top of a skyscraper. Though immediately we had to begin to cross the street, and while doing so we saw the purple light, which indicated to above ground riders that the subway train was shortly arriving, go off.
In a hurried frenzy we ran across the street and through the light snow and finally down underground only to find that the train had come and gone. The next train eventually came, but all of a sudden we found ourselves stopped and delayed between the stations of Carver and Washington. When we heard the voice of the train operator, we recognized it as that the voice of Pedro.
244 | WINTER NIGHTS
M.B. JULIEN
Inside our subway car was only one other passenger, a woman of the likes of fifty, who after seeing Lynne take out her cellular device began to stare at her. Lynne called Emily to ask how Dave and Sara were doing, and for every second of the three minutes she is on the phone, the lady watches her. After Lynne hangs up, the lady takes a seat closer to us.
Finally, she asks Lynne, “Are you in my seat?” Lynne was confused by the question and simply answered negatively. The lady then took out her own cellular device and told us that she wasn't able to make any phone calls on it while on the subway. “That's strange,” Lynne agreed.
Lynne asked her who her network provider was but the lady never answered, and instead went on about how the world was excluding her from communication and how when she is finally able to make calls, someone is listening in.
“Look,” the lady said as she got up. She traveled to another seat on the train, and then attempted to make a phone call, but the call failed. “You see,” she said holding up her phone so Lynne could see from afar. She did this for five minutes, picking seats on the car at random, engaging only with Lynnette and not seeing me, and soon Lynne saw me smiling as a spectator of the happening. Lynne had no answers for her other than the obvious fact that the lady didn't receive a signal underground, but she would hear nothing of it. When the lady came back closer to us, Lynne reached over and gestured to have the lady's phone, but suddenly the lady flinched, as if safe guarding her phone from the perilous hands of Lynne. And after this, she went back to her original seat, rid of our stupidity forever. I knew that Lynne wanted absolutely to get off that train.
After a while the train began moving again, finally reaching Washington. More people than we expected boarded the train, and we realized that this was because so much unaccounted time had passed by us during the delay. After we shot out of the underground tunnel toward the sky we saw that already it was morning and daylight was upon us.
It was still lightly snowing and those who boarded the subway brought along with them snow stuck at the bottom of their shoes. As the car slowly began to fill, the lady vanished. When we reached our stop, we two vanished as she did.
As we walked home, a passage refrained in my mind. “Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years anyone may live, let them enjoy them all.
But let them remember the days of darkness, for there will be many.”
At first I thought she would be tired and retire to her own home for rest, but instead the both of us entered my apartment and then she my bedroom.
I walk into my living room, Mister Nosleep is here; there is a part of me that forgets of his vile existence, it always does, but there is also the part of me that remembers.
245 | WINTER NIGHTS
M.B. JULIEN
Lynne came out of my bedroom changed from her work uniform to street clothes.
Along with her she brought my computer, telling me that the paintings ordered from PaintDrive were going to be delivered within a few hours.
A few hours later she went downstairs to check our mail and there was a package delivered. When she got back to my apartment she began opening the package to find a set of paintings.
She looked at all three paintings with a delicate curiosity. “What do you think?,” I asked. “For some reason they bring back memories.” “What do you mean?”
The painting of Rashida boulevard, she said, reminded her of a couple years ago when I used to drive her to work. I could see why, I think it was because while we never took the route of this exact street, it wasn't too far off from Famous Max's Diner. It was a poignant memory to her because it was the beginning of a new chapter in her life.
The painting of the airplane below the moon was her favorite of the three, she said, because it reminded her of the many midnights I spent visiting her at the airport. It will always remind her of her life as a partisan of the dark.
The painting of the Paradise Port bridge from afar, she said, was unlike the other two because it gave her no memory. That night was her first visit to it. To her it was like the part of a city that was uncharted, but now that it had been discovered, memories of it could be constructed.
The airplane painting was going to go in her apartment; I chose the painting of Rashida boulevard to go in mine, and in our home we would put the painting of the Paradise Port bridge.
After a while the heating system turned off, so Lynne ventured into the bedroom in search of a blanket. I went and sat on the couch and thought of nothing as the early night came. It became completely dark once Lynne entered back into the living room and turned off the light. I didn't know if she was planning on going to sleep or if she just wanted to sit in the dark, but she suddenly came up behind me and threw the blanket over my head and body, holding me tight so I couldn't take it off.
I struggled with her for a few seconds until she asked me to stop. I stopped trying to escape and that was when she let go of the hold on me. She then went and sat next to me, and slowly she pulled off the blanket for me to see.
On the walls of the dark apartment were thirteen paintings, but it was strange because they seemed to move. When I got up to inspect the nearest one, I saw that it did indeed move such as a video.
The moving painting was of the planet Saturn and its ring of iced rocks. Lytheia got up form her seat and walked towards me, then looked at me, then took my hand and guided it toward the painting. My hand went through the painting and at the same time 246 | WINTER NIGHTS
M.B. JULIEN
my apartment became the planet of Saturn. When I took my hand out of the painting, the world of Saturn was gone.
The next painting I went to had a palette of gray and brown and pale blue about it and looked as if a storm was coming. This time I put my hand into it myself and my apartment took the shape of another world. It felt like our world, but at the same time it felt like a place filled with death.
Then I moved over to the painting of a garden. Putting my hand through, it turned my apartment into a forest filled with fruited trees and roaming wildlife. This seemed to almost be the antithesis of the previous painting.
Then there was the painting of the Earth lands all connected as one. This brought the ancient animals of Earth into my apartment, many that I knew, but some unknown to me and as mysterious as the origins of life.
Next came the painting of a snowy town that was filled with residents. This painting brought into my apartment a violent avalanche, and if I had not removed my hand soon enough a tsunami was not far behind it.
A painting of a dark bridge followed, which when I entered made my apartment into a place for spectators to look seaward from the bridge. In the distance was the skyline of San Rashida, the city of cities.
The following was a painting of a huge spaceship. I found myself floating in space, directly above it, as it was violently impacted by a lost comet. When the shockwave of the collision reached me, it gave panic and I instinctively removed my hand.
A black and white painting of a lone piano in a lobby seemed strangely familiar to me, and this piece of art brought into my living room enchanted music. Soonafter strings of lyrics that spoke of new beginnings appeared on the walls.
The next painting consisted of the old questions. When I tested the hypothesis of reality for this painting, it brought into my apartment the apparitions of old thinkers.
Galileo and Socrates offered us to join them, but I soon removed my hand.
Another painting was of an airport that was drowned in water. All types of sea animals swam across my apartment, and though I wanted to see more, a lack of oxygen forced me to cease the illusion.
Then there was a painting of an underground cave. Through it ran many rivers. It wasn't until I entered that world that I saw that the roof of the cave was broken and allowed one to gander the night sky.
The final painting was a painting that she told me she painted herself. She named it
“Winter Nights” because it was supposed to depict simplicity. A simple winter night. It was a painting of our apartment building in the night as snow fell. All of the tenants'
apartments' lights were off except one, which was her apartment, and in each window you 247 | WINTER NIGHTS
M.B. JULIEN
could see a person. One of a boy who was playing with a cat; one of a girl who was building a home; one of a woman who was painting; and one of a man who was looking out of a window.
There is the real world we all share, and then we each have a metaphysical world that we architect throughout our life. In that meta-world we store our dreams, memories, ideas, theories, perceptions, and these elements structure and build that frangible reality.
There is an inherent sadness, though, to know that some people will never become aware of this otherworldly place. It is our closest ability to God. But the real prize of that world isn't just in being able to create it, it is in being able to explore it.
When she saw that I was ready to leave, she tightly grasped my hand. I looked at her and thought of the light that made her so lively, and I said to her with sadness in my voice, “If you go with me, you will die there.”
The tightness of her hand only became tighter as she prepared for what was to come. I looked once more at the painting of Winter Nights, and then back at her, and then told her that there was something I wanted to say to her. The Moon in her eyes quickly became Sun... And with her gaze came to me a lucidity that had eluded me my entire life; the only unvarying moment we shared across the span of varying lifetimes. At last, I finally said it to her. “I love you.”
248 | WINTER NIGHTS