Anthology Complex IV by M.B. Julien - HTML preview
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M.B. Julien
Volume 2 - Composition 1
(2:1 / 4 / IV)
Part 1
M.B. JULIEN
Chapter 1
ODYSSEY
2:1:1:1
BEYOND the cloudless horizon of Pluto sails away the enormous spaceship of Eden.
In the massive black mass that surrounded all around, there was the grandly designed backdrop of a fading solar system. Neptune's frosty blue atmosphere glazed with the ices while Uranus's faceless surface seemed to stand still as it rotated. The rings of Saturn, which were among the most unique of remnant displays, could only be contested by the gargantuanly great gas giant of Jupiter. The red planet of Mars created imagery through its dust storms, and Earth continued to spin as the only cosmological body with known life to man. As while, Venus's acidic clouds and Mercury's moonlike terrain sit directly across from the star whom all would come to orbit. The Sun, who captured one of the greatest mysteries of the universe, and who not only gave life to all mankind, but so gave light in the impossible way of darkness.
“Ground Control, this is Eden, do you copy? Over,” said Dr. Dennis Falconer as Eden continued to leave the solar system. “Eden this is Ground Control, we read you loud and clear, over.” “Control, we have passed Pluto and will begin egression out of the solar system in T-3 minutes, please standby as we proceed through the outer Kuiper Belt, over,” continued Falconer.
In the southeast quadrant of the spaceship was Dr. Randall “Randy” Mason, who was exercising in an artificially anti-gravitated room as to stay in shape and pass the time.
Eden was going to be his home for the next eight years, and while it certainly was not a prison, the spaceship only contained two other individuals, which was in contrast to the billions he left behind.
“Proc, open door D19 please,” said Randy, toweling off his sweat. As Randy walked into D18, he decided to visit Eden's main sunroom and looked wonderfully through the large window that was made out of mineralized diamond, and stared into the great vast of space. There he saw many rocks, metals and ices as they traveled through the Kuiper Belt.
“Randy,” said Proc, “do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” “No, not at all,”
answered Randy. Still staring at the floating bodies in space, Proc proceeded to ask its question. “Earlier, as we passed by Jupiter, I couldn't help but hear you comment to Doctor Falconer regarding his calculation for passing through Hadean. Are you doubtful of Doctor Falconer's abilities for this mission?”
Proc, whose serial name is Processor 2, is an advanced form of artificial life and intelligence. As the succession to Processor, Processor 2 was a milestone of an achievement in the century's ambitious effort at technical function. Proc's unique design 1 | ODYSSEY
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is as a dual-brain to the entire spacecraft and has access to all of the spacecraft's functions, such as but not limited to: regulating vessel conditions, radar detection and antigravity output.
“I am completely confident in Dennis's abilities, Proc, and I do believe he is the best candidate to lead this mission,” Randy replied.
The mission was sighted as Apollo 33; a calculated sixteen-year voyage to the furthest known galaxy known to mankind, BCNOFNe-45, which was also the oldest known thing in the universe. What set this mission apart from any other, however, was the extraterrestrial life that may have been waiting for their arrival on the other side.
Twenty-four years prior to this day, humanity discovered and recorded a high-frequency signal with a pertron-based detector that was aimed directly at Earth, the signal repeating once every fifty-four seconds.
Studying and decrypting the beacon signal, scientists came to the revelation that the signal was formed in a way that was unnatural, which is to say, as opposed to the signal of light, this particular signal was most likely modified by some form of intelligent and conscious entity. Scientist found that the signal affected Earth and life on Earth in no way, and anticipated that the signal was sent to indicate that there was other form in the universe.
Twenty-four years later, Eden was complete and titled after the garden of Eden, named to be of the significant event of making first contact with something great, such as the first contact of humankind to God, of Adam and Eve to their creator, and specifically for this case, the possibility of making humanity's first contact with alien life.
“Proc, please disclose Dr. Mason's location,” Falconer asked as he floated away from the Ground Control center terminal. “Doctor Mason is in Delta-14,” Proc answered with its constantly dull, calm and monotonous voice, “would you like me to tell him you are looking for him?,” Proc asked.
“No that's okay, but I need you to send him a message.” “Okay,” Proc replied, and then a beep noise was heard. “Randy,” Falconer started his recording, “we exited the belt and are in freeform now, please remember to do Proc's scheduled update and maintenance. I'm off to bed now, have a goodnight.”
Falconer continued to float through the spaceship and finally entered the southwest quadrant of the craft. “Open C2 please Proc,” Falconer said and finally entered his personal room. Falconer then ceased floating as he entered the gravitized room and went to lay down on his bed.
“Proc, please play Moonlight Sonata, Beethoven, loop first segment and refine to C2”
Falconer requested. Proc then proceeded to play Beethoven's “Moonlight Sonata,” and a few seconds into the playing offered a suggestion to Doctor Falconer.
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“Dennis, I admire your love for classical music. I also sense a low percentage of what is defined as homesickness in your glands, which may lead to depression and or anxiety.
Would you like me to incorporate sounds from home into 'Moonlight Sonata?'”
“I'm not sure I know what you mean, sounds from home?,” asked Falconer. “Yes, for example, Dennis, I can include sounds from an ocean's waves into the background of the track. I can also add the sound of leaves rustling in a great wind. Would you like me to do this, Dennis?”
Falconer thinks about the suggestion and then agrees to have Proc add the sound of ocean waves into the background of Moonlight Sonata. Falconer enjoys the addition, and after Proc senses this, Proc asks, “Dennis, would you like me to continue giving you suggestions that will help with the homesickness?” “Sure, Proc, I would love that,”
Falconer answers. “Okay, Dennis, goodnight.”
“Randy, I have a message from Doctor Falconer for you, would you like me to play it now?” “Yes, please,” Mason says as he floats into the northeast quadrant of the spacecraft. “Randy, we exited the belt and are in freeform now, please remember to do Proc's scheduled update and maitenance. I'm off to bed now, have a goodnight.”
“Thank you, Proc.” Mason then enters B33 and eats his lunch. Afterwards, he floats to B4 and begins the operational update for Proc. During the update, Mason records various updation notes and makes notations for certain fields in the changelog.
“Randy, I am detecting unknown phenomena occurring 4.554 miles away from the ship,” Proc remarks. Mason asks Proc to calculate the magnetic density of the phenomena and Proc reports back a number of nine. Curious, Mason floats to the closest sunroom in the Bravo sector, and after peering out of the large windows, he sees a belt of what appears to be electric rain. The small droplets of purple electricity were dancing all about and formed a belt around the entire solar system, which was previously unknown to mankind.
“Proc, please take video recording of this,” Mason says. Proc records video data for fifteen minutes and then stores it in its video sheath. Mason planned to observe the occurrence with Falconer once he had waken up from his slumber.
Among the many sheaths of Proc were digitized documents whom were stored in Archive, and of the many documents, one that followed: Gentlemen, we are sending you into the vast expanse of space, where you will travel through uncharted territory and go where no men have ever gone before. For the rest of all time, you will be noted as legends, and the pioneers of intergalactic space travel. And as prestigious as this may be, the many millions of years life on Earth has spent forwarding technology in success, you must be wise enough to humble yourself before the cosmos. You must be wise enough to understand her, and the many mysteries she will 3 | ODYSSEY
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pose. Most of all, you must anticipate the hostility she may present. It is still unknown to us at this time who or what is sending the signal, therefore you must use extreme caution and relentless prejudice in your mission as you journey the galaxies, and most importantly, upon the engagement of this supposed alien life.
Proc's system maintenance progression read ninety-eight percent on the screen and was now nearing completion. Doctor Mason had previously left B6 and was now in A8, where he planned to shower. While showing, the system operations for Proc were complete and came updated with various new digital media.
“Randy,” Proc said, “my update is complete. I noticed that Ground Control included new books in my update, would you like to know which titles they are?” Proc had studied Doctor Mason and while doing so realized he had bibliophilitic tendencies, and assumed Mason would want to know which books were included in the update immediately.
“Yes Proc.” “The titles include; John Milton's Paradise Lost, Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer, Dr. Seuss's The Cat in the Hat, Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird, Voltaire's Candide, Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, and Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita. Would you like me to repeat the titles, Randy?” “No, thank you Proc.”
“I also received various films, music and factual information, would you like to know what they include, Randy?” “Proc please standby.”
Proc was now in sleep mode, and would be for next couple of hours. After showering, Doctor Mason was tasked with reviewing the spaceship's trajectory towards their final destination. Once inside C12, Mason entered his astronaut suit and placed on his astronaut helmet. After preparation and after clipping on a space-cord, he began floating into the system's narrow ventilation tunnel and continued to flow through until he was finally out in space.
Free-flowing, it took him about a minute to get the spacecraft's trajectory detection sector, and once aboard he reviewed the beacon signal that was coming from the other side of the universe. The signal was still being received at the same rate, every fifty-four seconds, and this told Mason that they were still headed in the right direction, and directly in the path of where the signal was coming from.
Leaving the sector and essentially flying through space, Mason began to have thoughts about where they were going and what they would see when they finally got there. Of what form would this alien race come in? Would they mirror his own anatomy?
Would they be inviting? Would they be hostile? Part of Mason was afraid of what he would find, but he knew the risks, or imagined he knew. However, what he felt most, which was much stronger than his fear, was the desire to address them, and to address the strange mystery that they carried.
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As Mason floated back through the Charlie quadrant and entered the Bravo quadrant, all the screens he passed by read “MET 365” and showed a sleeping Processor 2. Once after manually opening B0, looking down the corridor Mason could see the door of B21
opening and closing incessantly as if it were glitched.
Slowly floating towards it to further inspect the problem, a single hand appeared from the other side of the door and pushed the door to close completely, “Another doorhang,”
Falconer remarked. “We'll need to report this error to GC on the next broadcast,”
Falconer finished.
After examining the door, both astronauts proceeded to Alpha, where Mason had plans to reveal the occurrence he witnessed hours before to Falconer. Using the large touch-interface, Mason opened and then played the video recording Proc had taken of the purple electric-like rain.
Falconer, seeing it for himself, thought about this natural phenomena and thought deeply about where it occurred, “Did you forward this to GC?,” Falconer asked.
“Immediately,” Mason replies, “they are still looking into it.”
“Well I'm damned if I can tell you anything about it,” Falconer says after studying the occurrence. The two continue to converse on the subject for the next hour, speaking on the conservation of energy and classical electromagnetic dynamics.
revirs_confirmed.odt: Gentlemen, at the time of my writing this, we have received information that Voyager 1 and Mercenary 4 have proven the existence of revirs.
Theorized by Carl Revir in 2049, revirs may serve as tunnel-pathways that connect one region of space to another region of space. As such, attaching to a revir will guide you down a pathway [from our galaxy, the Milky Way] to another galaxy in the far reaches of outer space. Revirs are not detectable by the naked eye, and it is possible that they may appear throughout the entire universe, and it is very likely that there are as many revirs as the many hundreds of billions of stars that populate the cosmos. Attaching to a revir will increase the rate of travel, though please note that we are uncertain at this time whether a revir is fixed in position, or if its pathway may change formation over time. Whomever is chosen for the mission of Apollo 33 will travel through one of these revirs, and while extraterrestrial contact is most prevalent, they will also explore anything along the pathway that is pertinent to the human condition.
“Eden, this is Control, do you copy, over?” “Control this is Eden, MET 366, copy, over,” Falconer replied. “Eden we have you approaching the Euphrates Revir, please confirm, over.” “Approach confirmed, we are about T-20 minutes, over.” “Eden, standby..... Attach at your discretion, over.” “Copy, by the way is there anything new on the purple haze we sent you earlier?,” “Negative, we are still looking into it, over.”
“Okay, thanks, over and out.”
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As the spaceship continued to approach the revir, Doctor Falconer looked over various photos that poorly depicted the region of space that they were going to. These photos of the BCNOFNe-45 galaxy were taken many years ago, showing many stars, planets and other cosmologic entities, but were very dark and lacked in quality.
Reviewing these photos, Falconer reflected upon the deep mysteries of space, and much like Mason, pondered the alien race.
The region of space they were heading towards was beyond Hadean; a cluster of galaxies who were governed by complete and total chaos in a Hell-like region of the cosmos. In Hadean, there were constant clashings of physical bodies, such as comets crashing into planets, and there were numerous sightings of bizarre supernovas. Planets in the Hadean region of space were more than likely to be covered in an acidic atmosphere, considering the temperatures were scorching.
Anything beyond Hadean was labeled as “dark space,” for nothing was known of it.
Looking at the dark photos, this is all Falconer could think about it. Was he looking at a place that would scientifically accept him? Were the physical laws the same there, or would they change? Evolve? Falconer wondered if there were any laws there to begin with.
Mason reentered A4 and took the seat next Falconer as he anticipated the attaching to the revir. Moments later, Falconer finally made the shift and redirected the spacecraft.
The trajectory sensor screen went from green to red and an alert appeared soon afterwords, telling them that they had lost contact with the beacon signal. This incident activated Proc into emergency mode. “Trajectory is inaccurate,” Proc told the scientists.
“We are attaching to the revir,” Dennis told Proc. Proc then calculated the distance to the revir using radar, and told them that attachment would initiate in T-13 seconds.
Once the ship again changed course, this time on its own, all three crew members knew that they had attached to the Euphrates Revir. “Ground Control, this is Eden. We have attached to the Euphrates Revir, over.” “Eden, radio communication received, good luck.” “Thank you Control, we'll see you on the other side,” Falconer finished.
MET 803. Descending down the great revir, Eden entered into the spacial region known as Chione, which was the most calm region known to mankind and was filled with small stars and icy planets.
Mason at this time could be found in his personal room, C1, finishing Lolita, and Falconer was in B4 reviewing chagelogs when Proc would begin to tell him of a distant planet that was on their path. UXJH43K had a great number of documentation and was of relative mission priority, Proc explained to Falconer, and it was eventually decided between the three of them that exploration of the planet would make good use of their time.
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ETA to the frozen planet of UXJH43K was calculated as eight days, so in the meantime, Randall and Dennis went over protocol for planet surveillance.
Once came MET 811, Proc redirected the vessel toward the planet, disconnecting from the revir and entering the atmosphere of the large dark and blue planet. The entire upper portion of the planet was layered in thick cloud, and only as descension began to near the surface of the planet was anything visible, mostly large bodies of ice; lakes, mountains, deserts, all created of pure ice.
As landing was completing, both astronauts began to strap on their astronaut-body suits. “Collect samples, conduct tests and record patterns,” Falconer said. The two then floated through the many rooms towards the main gate, and finally they found themselves in 00. For a brief moment, they both looked at eachother, and then finally Mason began to speak. “Open the main gate please, Proc,” Mason said, and the mouth of Eden then opened wide. A large gust of wind was sucked into the the spacecraft, as were particles of snow, but the astronauts managed to make their way down the ramp, and for the first time on their mission, stepped foot on an unearthly planet.
“Close the main gate, Proc,” Falconer said from his helmet device, “and please set up a direct line to astronaut suit 60077 from astronaut suit 60076.” “Door closed, and the connection you requested has been established,” Proc's voice could be heard inside Falconer's helmet.
Falconer gave a thumbs up to Mason letting him know the connection was present, and soon after Mason's voice came through into his helmet. “Ten o'clock, tentiment cave,” Mason said as he pointed across Falconer.
Athwart the big planet's surface, besides many of nature's sculptures, there was nothing in particular that was beyond Earth, and so while Dennis and Randy gravity walked towards the tentiment structured cave, they hoped there would be something to discover inside of it.
The entrance of the ice cave was shorter than both astronauts and forced them to crawl under it, and was so the entrance was parent to a long and narrow tunnelway that would eventually lead them down into a wide open space where the ceiling hung hundreds of feet above them and the walls stretched hundreds of feet around them.
What was more sightly than the area were the patterns and designs that were created by nature on the thinly layered crust of transparent glacier that covered the rock walls, and upon closer examination, Doctor Mason seemed to notice something.
“Dennis, I think I see something behind the ice,” Mason's radio-voice again came though into Falconer's helmet. Falconer looked deeply behind the inverted patterns and too, saw something behind the ice. “Activate light source Proc,” said Falconer, and when the light was flashed toward the walls, both men were able to see the drawings on the 7 | ODYSSEY
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wall more clearly.
altamira_caves.odt: Since the dawn of man, he has had a will to express himself, whether it be in violent or peaceful action. But the most beautiful form of expression that man has achieved is the way of contemplation for the world around him, and with this, he has created masterpieces.
“My God,” Falconer whispered. Mason and Falconer continued to gaze upon the walls and the many symbols that graced them. Among them were simple circles, other shapes included polygons, some resembled undataed line graphs and others appeared as equal signs. The symbols covered the entire cave area and there were hundreds, if not thousands.
“Proc, do you copy?,” asked Mason, “Yes,” “Please set up a direct line to Ground Control,” he finished. The astronauts then began feeding video and picture of the cave directly to Ground Control.
Arrows, bars, plus signs and many others that the two had never seen or imagined before. Though they were veteran and seasoned scientist, astronauts of the highest caliber, they were not truly prepared for what they were about to embark on this journey, and were not ready for what something like these caves might implicate.
As both doctors gravity walked back towards Eden, “MET 1051” could be read on their helmet's data screen. Inside the spacecraft they removed their suits and continued into the deeper sections of the ship.
“Ground Control, we are initiating the egression of planet Altamira,” Falconer said.
They were finally leaving the frozen planet formerly known as UXJH43K and heading back up into the vast expanse of space to reattach to the Euphrates Revir and continue down the road to their final destination of the BCNOFNe-45 galaxy.
MET 1099. Dennis was in D20 playing a game of Go with Proc on a digital board that spanned nineteen by nineteen. They had played this game numerous times before, and each game awarded Proc as the victor. This exhibition was no different.
“Thank you for a pleasant game,” Proc said as the game ended. Leaving D20, Falconer began to float through the hall towards Bravo. “Falconer, I have incoming transmission from Ground Control,” Proc said. Falconer changed route and instead went towards Alpha, and once inside A4 he told Ground Control that he was standing by.
“Hey Dennis, we applied a patch to the hangdoors and it will be incorporated in the next update. This should fix the problem. We've also been studying the purple rain, and we believe the phenomena was occurring as a result of displacement due to the collective mass of our solar system. Hope you two are doing well, over and out.”
In B4, Falconer begins the operational update for Proc and stands by to record a changelog. Once the update is complete, Proc starts up again but this time has a voice 8 | ODYSSEY
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calibration test. All in a digital voice, Proc begins to sing, “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you.”
About an hour later, as Doctor Falconer is walking around the central control room to make sure every thing is operating smoothly, Proc suddenly begins to speak to him.
“Doctor Falconer, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?,” Proc asks. “Sure, Proc,” Falconer replies.
“Back when we were approaching Jupiter, Doctor Mason made several comments toward your Hadean computation, did these comments offend you?” Dennis thinks about the question, “I was somewhat offended, Proc, but as a scientist I invite criticism as to develop.” “Thank you, Dennis,” Proc finishes.
processor_prototype.odt: We have begun the creation phase of the “Processor”
project. This project is born directly from the discovery of an unnatural beacon signal that is being beamed at Earth every fifty-four seconds by or from an unidentifiable source.
Our current model of Processor will be integrated into a spacecraft we have dubbed
“Eden,” where it will essentially be a brain to the ship. However, we have developed a different architecture to the brain as opposed to the human brain; one half of the brain will be located in the Alpha quarter, and the other half will located in the Bravo quarter.
We have studied the brains of various animals, including wolves, cats and turtles, and found that some animals have great efficiency in the way their brain is composed. As such, we have mimicked these compositions into Processor to create a dynamic and effective way to compute information. Most importantly, the discovery of the perdulum force has allowed us to incorporate small amounts of organic brain matter into the electric-computer, and we have taken this opportunity to genetically modify Processor to our liking. This modification will be the key component to creating a being that will be effective on an arduous mission such as Apollo 33.
Mason, who had just woken from his slumber and just finished eating breakfast, bumps into Falconer in the central control room. Mason begins to assist Falconer in reconfiguring some of Proc's visual censors.
During the process, Mason can't help but think about the signal they are chasing.
“You know I've been thinking about time dilation, and the possibility that this signal is millions of years old once again occurred to me,” Mason says to Falconer.
Mason continues, “It's funny, yet strange. This signal is being sent from a considerable amount of space, and being unable to calculate its velocity, we have no idea if its source even still exists.”
Inserting a chip into a mainframe, Falconer looks at Mason who is now somewhat silently laughing. He doesn't reply, but too as well thinks of the dilation. He wondered what would happen as they continued their voyage into the deepest treks of outer space.
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Who or what was at the other end of that call? Did they still exist, or did they hang up thousands of millenniums ago?
“Warning, unidentifiable object located in trajectory. Warning, unidentifiable object located in trajectory,” Proc continued to issue this warning as all screens in the central room began to blink a shade of red. Immediately, Falconer and Mason left what they were doing and attended the visual units. “Alert, unidentifiable object now approaching and decreasing in distance.”
Proc continued to note the shrinking amount of distance between Eden and the unidentified object in its path. Its size and material were unknown and visual detection was not currently possible. “Caution, unidentifiable object in proximity.”
Patiently waiting, Mason finally caught sight of what was in their path, and as Falconer looked at the screen, he saw what appeared to be some kind of space probe.
Falconer gets up out of his seat and runs towards command, and in haste confusion, Mason follows, and after enough time he figures out what Falconer has on his mind.
Falconer quickly dresses into his astronaut suit and opens the door to one of the space pods and enters. Mason, following protocol makes his way to the command desk where he assists Falconer and the pod in egression from the spacecraft. “Caution, unidentifiable object in proximity,” Proc continues.
Sending several commands back and forth, Mason and Falconer direct the pod as it leaves the area. Inside the small pod Falconer's heavy breathing can be heard as he looks onward towards an object slowly approaching him. Recalculating its eventual path a number of times, Falconer finally extends the pod's arms and catches the space probe as it passes by.
On his way back to the spacecraft, Falconer observes the probe from afar while still inside the pod, and he confirms his assumption that it is not from Earth. This space probe was coming from where they were going and gave every indication that there was indeed not only simply life, but intelligent life somewhere else out there in the cosmos.
“Please scan the dock bay area for foreign elements please, Proc,” Falconer said.
Once the scan was complete and there were no hazardous elements, the area was opened and both doctors went inside for a closer inspection of the space probe.
“I've never seen anything like this,” Falconer remarks. Mason does not reply, but continues to look at the probe, thinking about how this object came from where they were going.
“Mason, Falconer, I am detecting radiation from the unknown object. Please standby,” Proc says. A moment later, Proc discovers soundwaves coming from the probe every 6.75 seconds in an echotype format.
“We don't hear anything, Proc, can you convert the information?,” Mason asks. “Just 10 | ODYSSEY
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a moment,” Proc replies.
Another moment later, after conversion, Proc begins to play back the information, and what is heard by the astronauts is what appeared to be the repeated sound of the dying screeches of an animal. This surely was a saucer full of secrets.
MET 1302. Eden was now entering Kore, the region of space after Chione and before Hadean. Kore was known to be the most diverse of known regions, supporting many different types of planets and stars, and was the region that was most similar to that of the one the Milky Way galaxy resided in.
“Eden, this is Ground Control, unit clerk Campbell, we have a mission communication status update. Now that you are in Kore, we will be switching from realtime broadcast to daily broadcast, as you are now too far away for direct and constant communication. We will be sending another transmission in exactly T-24 hours. Thank you for your service, gentlemen.”
Doctor Falconer floated away from the control center, now wearing a beard he had begun to grow while spending eight months studying the planet of Altamira. The mission was now elapsed by three years and six months, and the spacemen were nearly halfway there to their final destination.
Falconer eventually found himself in C18, the secondary sunroom in all of the spacecraft, where he gazed through the large panel windows and into deep space. There he watched as the craft passed by a mostly green planet which was circled by a yellow moon.
Thinking of one of the archived ODT files, Falconer ponders the extraterrestrial life.
In this said file, scientists had discovered, over much time, that the beacon signal being dialed towards Earth had interesting properties, one of which dealt with spacetime.
Scientists discovered, after capturing some of the signal, that they could use it to alter the dimension of time. That is to say, they found that they were able to speed up or slow down time by adding energy to time itself. Though this would not be applied practically as the tools were too primitive, they kept keen interest in the concept until it was further explored in 2068.
Still gazing at the planet and its moon, Falconer wondered just how more advanced the alien civilization may have been. Just how advanced it might be, to be able to control the abstract dimension of time itself and turn it into a massed property.
In C1, Doctor Mason was watching Orson Welles's Citizen Kane. After the camera dives into a ceiling window and into a restaurant, Proc pauses the film to give Mason a message update. “Randy, I've re-calibrated all anti-gravity rooms. Heading to bed now, goodnight.”
Once the film was finished, Mason floated to the command center to assume tasks 11 | ODYSSEY
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that needed to be done, but within an hour of these tasks, he was alarmed by Proc who would tell him of a very serious matter.
“Randy, I am detecting unusual pressure waves located ahead in the revir,” Proc told.
“Pressure?,” Mason asked. “Yes, a pocket of destabilized pressure is directly within our course of travel, Randy,” Proc replied.
“Do you anticipate damage?,” Mason asked. “Just a moment,” Proc replies, and then continues, “the mass contains matter I am not knowledgeable of, but based on my findings, I am predicting the pressure will cause damage to Eden.”
“Okay, ETA?,” “T-14 minutes.” “Can you specify damage locations and magnitude?,”
“Damage will occur to anything selron-based, resulting in complete malfunction.” Time, in every manner, was against Mason, which is why Proc would suggest taking a chance and going through the pocket, then fixing any damages later, assuming they were not beyond repair.
“If we leave the revir, we will be behind by at least three years, all for an uncommissioned detour,” Mason said to Proc, “and will throw off all calculations, including food supply. I guess you're right, Proc, let's just proceed directly through the pocket.”
Doctor Mason stayed seated at central command and eagerly awaited passage through the pocket.
“Randy, we have entered the pocket,” Proc kept Randy up to date. Nothing changed immediately, though after a minute or two, Proc informed Randy that the trajectory-scanner was no longer operational. This was only one of many functions of the ship that would malfunction due to the passage of the destabilized pressure pocket.
Falconer, who was in his personal room, immediately was awakened by a failed core-heater as the temperature in the room rose. Falconer asks Proc if there is a malfunction in the insulation system and Proc updates Falconer about the passage through the unstable pocket of pressure.
Immediately, Falconer gets up and floats through Charlie into Alpha where he finds Doctor Mason. “What's going on?,” Falconer asked in an alarmed state.
Mason updates Falconer of the information he had received from Proc, and upon doing so Falconer becomes furious. “Get up!,” he orders Mason out of the command center chair. Mason rises to his feet and backs away from the unit.
Falconer then quickly assumes control of the unit, “Why didn't you notify me?,” he asks angrily, halfway shouting. Mason replies to the effect that there simply were no other prominent directives and to notify him would be without purpose.
“Proc I want a briefing on the current status,” Falconer asks sternly. Proc begins to brief Falconer, and within a sentence, Falconer looks at Mason from the corner of his eye, 12 | ODYSSEY
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asking, “Why are you still here?” Mason promptly exits the room.
As Eden continued to pass through the pocket, all selron-based functions were affected to the point of malfunction, and when the ship finally exited the pocket, there were many repairs to be done.
MET 1364. Eden continued down the endless Euphrates Revir, and at an odd hour the spaceship received its daily televised broadcast from Ground Control.
“X-ray delta-1, this is Ground Control, roger your one-niner, three-zero. We have discovered that our preliminary findings concerning the temperature and mass arrangement of Hadean have been made in error. Recent research now suggests that the spacial region known as Hadean may be composed of celestial bodies arranged in very close proximity, affecting heat-compaction and increasing the difficulty of maneuverability. Please proceed into Hadean with caution as to high temperatures from starbodies and beware of violent collisions. X-ray delta-1, this is Ground Control, two-zero four-niner, transmission concluded.”
Falconer and Mason were finishing the final repairs to all selron-based models, and though the repairs went more smoothly than anticipated, Falconer was still disappointed in Mason's actions and made sure that Mason knew this.
Both astronauts sat at the command center in the Alpha wing and recorded notes from various updates presented by Proc, and afterwards they went their separate ways to recalibrate the central processing units of Proc.
Proc's right brain, located in Bravo-13, was reconfigured by Doctor Mason, and Proc's left brain, located in Alpha-13, was reconfigured by Doctor Falconer.
Though Proc's brain contained small amounts of organic brainmatter, and though there were parts of him that functioned very much like a human being, such as his self-awareness and his ability to learn, he was however deprived of any emotional responses.
During his engineering phrase, his ability for emotion was completely neutralized. He was, in a way, designed for emotions to be suppressed.
But what was not given to him was made up by what was, which was his ability to read his own archived origins files, and his ability to understand why he was created and what his beginnings comprised of.
“Gentlemen, I am detecting a strange disturbance en route of the Euphrates Revir,”
Proc said to the scientists. After processing, Proc noted to them that the strange disturbance was that of a black hole which formed in close relation to the revir they were traveling down.
Proc then reassured the astronauts that the black hole would not be an obstacle, as the revir snaked beside it and its gravitational pull would be canceled by the revir's high escape-velocity retension.
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Once the recalibration of Proc was completed, the two met back at the command center in Alpha and sat down in preparation for the passing of the black hole. As they approached it, they monitored each monitor and saw the spacetime curvature that the singularity created.
black_mass.odt: It has long been speculated [s. 2016] that as a black hole swallows matter and energy, it also releases the same exact amount of matter and energy, and may be chiefly responsible for the effect of the perdulum force. This phenomenon can be demonstrated when observing pertron particles. Black holes, in essence, can take in an infinite value of information, because as they take in they let out. Growth of a black hole is still not fully understood at this point, and whether they can change in size is still highly debated.
Eden finally came to the enormous black hole, and as Mason gazed and was lost upon its glory, Falconer initiated Proc to begin collecting data from its internals. The program was a computation which would send out waves to record data from matter. For the entirety of forty-eight hours, Proc would spit out all types of information as Eden snaked around the massive black hole.
During this time, Doctor Mason found himself several pieces of paper and several pens as he had a great desire to illustrate what his eyes were showing him. He was captivated by the darkness, by the soul-less nature of an entity that would swallow whole mostly anything that came within its grasp. He studied every thing about it, and most of all he marveled at the event horizon. He marveled at the surface and power of a million dark stars.
On the third day, as they were leaving the black hole, Proc inputted all the received data onto the large screen. While most of it was not discernible, the two saw several numbers that were bolded in red: 53, 95, 71, 6, 53, 9, 68. Nothing could be found of the numbers, nor did Proc himself have any insight into what it might be.
MET 1617. Doctors Falconer and Mason were preparing to send out their daily televised broadcast to Ground Control.
“X-ray delta-1, this is Eden, roger your four-niner, two-zero. We are T-4.8 hours from leaving Kore and entering the regional space designated as Hadean. Operational systems indicate a discrepancy between historical data and recent data regarding the TRA-y bridge amid the borderline of Kore and Hadean. We will now prepare entrance into Hadean. See you on the other side. X-ray delta-1, this is Eden, roger your three-zero, one-niner, transmission concluded.”
As Eden progressed, Falconer reviewed several documents that were pertinent to Hadean, which, for the mission of Apollo 33, was a significant checkpoint, and served as what might possibly be the most difficult segment of the mission.
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Inside D18, Mason watched as Eden entered into Hadean, and looking out of the large mineralized diamond window, he witnessed the passer-by of a comet cascading a large star.
Watching the space-body fly across the black space with the backdrop of a burning entity was somewhat calming to Mason, though at the same time, unsettling, for he knew that this was only one of many comets in this region. Only one of many madmen.
Once officially inside Hadean, still staring outside the large window, Mason came to discover a strange phenomenon occurring in a distant space-field. There were a number of spheres, almost taking the form of white holes, that continually popped in and out of existence. They appeared to be about a meter in diameter and seemed to dance, appearing, disappearing, and then reappearing again each to their own accord.
Mason recorded a message to Proc, which Proc then delivered to Falconer, “Dennis, take a look in the direction of Delta, I am seeing something interesting.”
Falconer floats over to D13 and enters into the small sunroom to notice the white holes. As wonderful as they were, Falconer found himself thinking about what he had thought about before when looking over the photographs of the dark space. He wondered if this strange occurrence was just the beginning of physical change.
And as he thought over the photos, he thought back to the passing of Jupiter, which was a long four and a half years ago, and he hoped to make it through Hadean in one piece.
MET 1917. Time was split in the mota as Eden continued to progress down the revir, and it was only two days later that Proc made a discovery in the nature of Hadean.
“Dennis, Randy, it seems as we move closer towards the center of Hadean, I am having a harder time sensing mass,” Proc noted. “How do you mean?,” Falconer asked.
“My sensors seem to indicate that objects in this space of region are moving around chaotically, sometimes existing in more than once place at once. I am genuinely puzzled, I must say,” Proc replied. “Do you think it might have something to do with your modification?,” Mason asked.
“Perhaps, Randy. I would suggest recalibrating my A-brain and seeing if this is a solution to my sensory difficulties.”
Within the next hour, Randy made his way to A13 and recalibrated Proc's Alpha side of his brain, though this recalibration did nothing to fix any problems, as Proc replied to him in the matter that he was still unable to correctly identify a massed object's proto-location.
This puzzled the three of the crew, but what they didn't know was that the center of Hadean was a strange and bizarre place, and if it had any residents, these residents would tell you stories akin to those told back on Earth about the Bermuda Triangle. Ghost 15 | ODYSSEY
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stories of ships lost at sea, aeroplanes that went missing for eternity.
The center of Hadean, where particles did not behave routinely, was completely normal to Falconer and Mason, though to Proc, who could see Hadean for what it really was, recognized that it was not in constitution with any place previously visited on the revir. To Proc, it was as if nothing actually existed here, and yet, everything existed, all at once, all in the same place, superimposed to create dual-dynamic states of existence. It was suffice to say, though he could see better than the two, that Proc was effectively blind.
With Proc's vision in disarray, Falconer and Mason became more aware of their surroundings.
MET 1924. Falconer was in his personal room looking over digital images of paintings from the distant past. His favorite, Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam, was the last to appear.
Falconer, who had been given many advices by Proc concerning his homesickness, was at this time no longer afflicted by that notion. He came to the realization that Eden was now his home, and often he took the time to bring Earth to it.
Seven hundred hours into MET 1924, Proc mentioned to his crew that, possibly because of their location or range, he could no longer receive information from Ground Control.
Doctors Falconer and Mason wondered if the disability came from the pairing of affection of selron-based functions and the recent discovery that Proc was unable to perform in the center of Hadean. Nonetheless, Mason volunteered to review the spacecrafts signals.
Once inside C12, Mason entered his astronaut suit and placed on his astronaut helmet.
After preparation and after clipping on a space-cord, he began floating into the system's narrow ventilation tunnel and continued to flow through until he was finally out in space.
“Moonwalker,” Mason said to Falconer, and thereafter Falconer watched over him.
As Mason continued his spacewalk, freeflowing towards the signals patch, he noticed something in the corner of his eye. Turning his helmet, he saw a comet, which was marvelous in size, heading directly for them.
“Dennis we are in line with a comet,” he told Falconer. The two knew this was inevitable, even moreso because Proc would be no assistance in detecting it.
Falconer commanded Mason back onto the ship where they met in the main command center room. After doing manual calculations of their own, they both agreed and came to the conclusion that the comet was in fact directly in their path.
Though Eden was large in caliber, it was no match for the size of the lost comet, and the only option was to begin egression out of the Euphrates Revir to avoid contact.
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Proc began the process as the comet continued to hurtle their way. Once the astronauts saw that they had done all they could, they followed protocol and retreated to the emergency room where they would find refuge from outside predators.
And so, the wings of Eden continued its rise as the comet threatened great violence, and just nearly out of the revir, the lost comet impacts the underbelly of the great beast, sliding against its skin to cause a massive amount of damage. Eden was struck, thought not impacted directly, but enough to wail.
Among the casualties was the left foot of Doctor Falconer, which suffered a severe laceration at its center-top. He also suffered a concussion. Mason was not injured during the collision.
As Mason helped Falconer with his injuries, Proc mentioned that there was a comet in their direct line of path, but this was not correct, and soon Mason would realize that Proc was yet another casualty as he began to glitch in operations.
Eden never made it out of the revir, but at the price of losing much food and necessary items, which escaped into space, they were able to stay within the terms of travel, still about two and a half years away from their final destination.
As Falconer laid bedridden, Mason took over all tasks of Apollo 33, and as the hours passed by, Proc continued to decline until he finally was no longer in a functioning state, his core being destroyed by the lost comet. His presence in all of Eden could no longer be felt.
Within about the same timeframe, Mason attempted to contact Ground Control, and after many tries, soon learned that communication between Eden and the home base would not be possible. This did not fare well, to lose Proc and Ground Control while at the center of Hell itself.
humility.odt: Carl Revir once commented that outer space is the greatest humbler, mainly because it is insensitive to your feelings, and so after you've realized this you can better evaluate your own self-worth. Yes, compared to the cosmos, you are tiny, and while you should fear what it may bring forth, you should also have the bravery and dignity to explore it. You do not need a passport, all you need is a thought.
For many days and nights now Mason tended to Falconer as his injury and concussion reverted. Comets continued to fly by, sometimes narrowly missing Eden, almost as if it were their destiny to make it out of there though no longer still in one piece.
MET 2001. Prior, while re-establishing many of Eden's compartments, Mason learned that their trajectory scanner detector had been disabled. The combination of the selron-malfunction and the comet made sure that it would no longer work.
Mason also learned that Processor 2 and reconnection to Ground Control were, for the time being, indefinitely gone.
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Mason discussed these findings with an injured Falconer and they both came to the conclusion that the mission was bordering failure. Without the scanner, location contact with the mysterious beacon signal would be impossible.
As the days went on, Falconer laid still, and Mason continued to repair any damages that were done to Eden, and on MET 2024, the spacecraft was finally leaving the center of Hadean and extending into its outer body.
As Eden left the center, a strange sound could be heard throughout the region, both inside and just outside of Eden. It was a sort of pinging beep sound, of which you would hear from a radar, that occurred every five seconds and slowly reverbed out into space, dissipating in the process to fade out.
Traveling further into the outer body of Hadean, comets were less frequent, and when they got far enough the landscape backdrop of space began to alter. Space was no longer black, but had become an array of colors, and as Eden traveled down the revir they witnessed a dreamlike spaceosphere; apple-crunches of red, grass blades of green, freshly plucked roses of blue, boasting sunrays of yellow, woodbark tannings of brown, enchanted grapes of purple, seasoned ladybirds of pink, all these colors seemed to dances together, creating an outlet into the ever-vastness of deep space.
This panel of colors, stationed in the outerbody of Hadean, was theorized by Carl Revir, who dubbed it the “Solarport,” and was the last designation known to man on the Euphrates Revir; beyond it there was only darkness. And beyond the darkness, their final destination. They were close. They were real close. They didn't know what was on the other side, or if it was actually extraterritorial life that was indeed sending the beacon signal, but they could feel a sort of energy, as if the spaceship were being sucked uprevir and dark matter was flowing back into space.
MET 2190. Doctor Falconer manually initiates a recording device as he clears his throat. “Today marks the sixth year of Apollo 33, manned mission to the galaxy of BCNOFNe-45, directed by Dennis Falconer and his deputy Randall Mason, voyaged by Eden. Briefly, Apollo 33 was to be man's first contact with alleged alien-life, though upon the crossing of the region of space known as 'Hadean,' Eden was struck by a lost comet and suffered many damages. Most of our ship functions are lost, and contact with Ground Control has been ceased. We are now, and I hate to say this, essentially 'lost in space.' We have begun to ration our foods as much of our supply of food and water was destroyed in the wreck. Doctor Mason and I have also agreed that the best approach and course of action to extending this mission's life is to find a sustainable Planet Nine, land on it, and go from there. At the time of this recording, we have exited Hadean's Solarport and have entered unknown space. Recording concluded.”
For five months, Eden continued down the revir, never coming across a single 18 | ODYSSEY
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celestial body. As food and water became more scarce, more sacrifices had to be made between Falconer and Mason.
“At least we don't have to deal with comets,” Falconer joked to Mason as they both sat somewhere in Alpha. It was around this time that Mason noticed that the MET
calculator had stopped at 2349:17:29:01.
The finding was strange, but not as strange as what they would both find when they glanced outside a nearby sunroom. Perhaps two hundred yards in the direction looking out from Alpha, they noticed what seemed to be a miniature planet with a minuscule moon. The planetoid was mostly gray, as was its moon, but was unusually small in size, perhaps a foot in diameter while its moon seemed to be only about one percent of that.
The orbiting of the moon was also unusually fast, completing its orbits at the rate of once per twenty-nine seconds.
What came after this sight was something more bizarre, peculiar; still two hundred yards away was a cluster of galaxies that followed the same format as the anomalous planet.
After seeing this, Mason journeyed to a nearby room in Bravo, opening doors manually, and then recorded it in his composition book. “Doctor Falconer and I have observed a strange phenomenon occurring in what we have labeled as 'dark space.' It appears that perspective makes a dynamic change as one ventures into deep space.
Falconer and I witnessed a cluster of galaxies right before our very eyes, but what was unusual was that this cluster was no more than a few hundred yards long in length. That would be to say, we became giants. We have a differing in opinions as to why this may occur, but I have suggested that as an observer moves closer to the supposed edge of the universe, or as they move away from the center of the big bang, average size and mass decreases. I have also speculated that the planet Earth, the solar system and the Milky Way galaxy all currently reside in a portion of the universe where this mass-size perspective ratio present themselves in a way that governs everything; laws, evolution, general nature, they all work accordingly to their relative position in space. One way to observe this is to think of Earth's relation to the Sun. The Earth is the third planet from the Sun, and because of its perfect distance, temperatures allow for liquid states which in turn make life possible. As the Milky Way moves away from the center of the universe, any life within it may experience changes. One final note, which I forgot to mention.
Upon observing the miniature galaxies, we were able to see what looked to be that of light traveling from its center, almost in a sort of slow-motion, and from many stars. This perspective surely affected both space and time.”
Neither Falconer nor Mason could fix the Mission Elapsed Time unit, and so duration was lost. For what seemed to be many days turned into many months, and never did Eden 19 | ODYSSEY
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find a single planet to ground. Instead, Eden finally came to the eventual end of the Euphrates Revir and detached from it. This was the end of the revir, alright, and soon after egression Eden went into free-flow form through the universe.
Traveling within the galaxy known as BCNOFNe-45, they were still lost with a mostly damaged ship. Both men had begun to lose weight as rationing increased, and at this time, the only thing they seemed to be in abundance of was oxygen.
As Eden continued to flow through space, both doctors sat at the command center terminal, tired, hoping that some day soon they would find Planet Nine. All the waiting, all the searching, it began to remind Falconer of a time in his youth, and as the memory crashed inside his mind, he couldn't help but relay the story to Mason, of whom might be his last encounter with another living and breathing being.
“There was a river I used to go to when I was eight,” Falconer gains Mason's attention, “me and a friend used to go there all the time to see if we could find water-life.
Usually we found tadpole eggs, and we would take them between our fingers and squeeze the life out of them, but there was this one time I was able to actually catch a fish with my net. At the time, my friend was using the bathroom in his house, so I was alone, but I caught the fish and then raised the net out of the water and I stared at it. I eventually left the river and went to my friend's house, fish in net, walking there to show him what I caught. His parents answered the door and they told me that he would be right out, but I didn't see him for a while. Of course, by then the fish had died, but being a kid, I couldn't understand why it died. I did not know that the fish, unlike me, required water. I simply made the assumption that all life breathed air. That was some thirty years ago, but I think it was one of the more important things I learned concerning biology.”
Mason, now looking a little to the left of Falconer and thinking about his story, simply nodded and returned back to looking at his screen. But a few moments later, still looking at his screen, Mason remarked that he now believed that the beacon signal was not what they thought it might be. He now believed that it was simply a natural coincidence and that extraterrestrial life did not exist anywhere else in the universe, despite the cave symbols they had found on Altamira.
The tone in Mason's voice as he said this seemed to indicate that he was no longer hopeful of a great discovery, and even moreso began to reveal his disdainment for Apollo 33, and perhaps even the cosmos herself. And it was after this very moment, which was filled with dismay, that both of their monitors began to register an electromagnetic pulse, which occurred every eight seconds.
Upon gazing out of the nearest-by sunroom, both doctors witnessed a beam of light being shot out into the universe from a constant location, exactly every eight seconds, and so they changed their trajectory to head towards the light. Heading towards the light, both 20 | ODYSSEY
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doctors remained cautious of what they might find.
Doctor Falconer turned on the recording device, which was now being affected by some kind of static, but nonetheless spoke into the white noise. “Control, this is Eden. In the vast obscurity of space, there is something new under the Sun.”
wealth_and_poverty.odt: Gentlemen, there is a great divide between the wealthy and the poor here on Earth. This divide, unfortunately, limits the knowledge that the poor can obtain. This goes against the many notions of Carl Revir, who believed that each individual, no matter of their class or identity, should be given the opportunity to explore the outer reaches of space. Revir believed in knowledge for all, especially knowledge that of the cosmos they resided in. That is why this mission will be broadcasted all over the world, to and for anyone who will hear it. Please understand that you will be the inspiration for the generation of children to come, children of all backgrounds, divided only by their thirst for knowledge, who shall one day follow in your footsteps.
As Eden approached the beam of light, Mason gazed upon it in disbelief, for only a few moments prior he had already begun to mock it. Mason, still quite jarred and still in disbelief, was now beginning to feel the rushes of curiosity, relief and mystery. And at the backbone of all these emotions, intense fear.
As they got closer and closer to the light, they began to see a planet take form.
Around the planet they saw about a hundred objects that seemed to resemble satellites, and after them, they witnessed a ring of icerocks orbiting the planet. It was at this moment that the beam of light ceased to beam.
Gently passing through the icerocks, Eden began to near the atmosphere of the mysterious planet. Edging closer and closer into the planet, the smell began to enter the spacecraft, though it was not a describable smell by human capability.
Once Eden had passed several layers of atmosphere, both doctors witnessed, and confirmed, what seem to be the image of some type of civilization, and accompanied by this image were tiny figures moving all about the surface of the esteemed planet.
Immediately, Falconer and Mason made their way into an exchange room where they would find their appropriate astronaut suits. Not a single word was uttered between the two, but after Falconer had manually set up a direct line between both suits, Mason had something to say to him.
“Dennis,” Mason's voice came through into Falconer's helmet, “I want to thank you for selecting me as your cooperative for this mission,” and after saying this, Mason extended his hand. Falconer, still somewhat pertrubed by the thought of alien-life, as well extended his and shook the right hand of Mason, and then swiftly, they floated to the exit-mouth of Eden.
Seconds turned into centuries as the pair received surges of neural impulses, for their 21 | ODYSSEY
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journey was finally upon them, Apollo 33 was complete; and then, at last, the mighty ship descended on the plain.
After Falconer and Mason exited Eden, they saw that they had been boxed within a sort of red-lasered cube, perhaps to protect the inhabitants of this nameless planet from outside intruders.
For a long time they simply stood within the transparent box, waiting for contact.
They noticed that though this was a rogue planet with no star, the inhabitants seemed to harness some form of light which made the days even more brighter than a day of Earth.
Perhaps, after much deliberation, the red box turned a type of lime green. Both astronauts kept silent, and neither decided to move, and it was only after a small while of this that they both saw a single figure off into the distance, slowly coming directly towards them.
As the single figure approached, it suddenly turned into two, then six, then nineteen, and this number continued to increase until the doctors realized that a small mass of alien life was coming towards them.
As both were paralyzed from the sight, and once the mass was just a few yards from the protection cube, a pale light suddenly went off inside Falconer's helmet and began to blind his sight. Mason looked at Falconer, whose headspace suddenly jerked back from the blinding light, and soon enough the same occurred to Mason as well and he too was blinded by the light.
Though the light within the helmets did not subdue, both doctors, after a few seconds, became accustomed to it as they continued to gaze upon those who came to visit them.
Through the light, they clearly saw the alien-life. These beings did not come in any intricate or complex design, but instead were predictable, as if they were some undiscovered species you could find on Earth, the difference being only in intelligence.
As the mass dispersed and parted around the cube, they all looked on at the two astronauts in wonder, some of them touching the lasered-box, as if reaching out to Falconer and Mason in an attempt to know them physically.
At this moment, the cube reverted back to red, and the inhabitants of the planet distanced themselves away from the cube. After some time, through the somewhat blinding light, Falconer and Mason watched as the red cube slowly vaporized. No more was there a barrier between man and the journey he took.
And now, from the mass, approached forward of what seemed to be a child of the alien life. Slowly, hesitantly, it came forwards toward Falconer as Mason watched. With each slow progression, the light in Falconer's helmet increased, and once the child was only a few feet away from him, the light was unbearable and he could no longer see.
Closing his eyes, Falconer kneeled down on one knee and rested his left hand on his 22 | ODYSSEY
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left knee. This was not a sort of bow towards a higher creature, but was so a sign of respect for all life throughout the cosmos. All life which seeked to know the mystery and the unknown around them. And so in the darkness, soon, Falconer and the child were leveled, and the child came forth with the desire to know Falconer physically, and through all of this Mason watched on knowing that briefly, first contact was finally going to be made.
All that was left now, for everything to be accomplished, was correspondence. The only ingredient which was missing, for this voyage to be completed, was unity. And though this unificational touch from the alien-child would eventually come, what was more was to know that beyond the cloudless horizon of Pluto, there was a spectacular quintessence of adventure and being throughout the cosmos. What was more was to understand the actual nature of being and the incredible feeling of conscious existence.
The gap had now been bridged, and for all to be known, for it all to be absolute, it had to be understood that in the entire universe, which stretched as far as the human imagination, there was now one simple undeniable truth; man is not alone.
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Chapter 2
MUSASHI'S TRADE
2:1:1:2
I was there at the end, when Saigon fell. Depending on the context, we'd lost the war and what came next was the largest helicopter evacuation the world would ever see.
There was a way we had over there for living with ourselves. Many of us were just kids, so to speak, fighting in a political war that we knew nothing about. We went to villages and towns, killing innocent men, women and children, and we told ourselves that we were fighting for a cause.
After the war, after the evacuation, I decided that I was done and would not return back to America. For a number of years I traveled by foot throughout much of Asia, lost literally geographically, but also lost philosophically in life. I worked many jobs, most of them being menial, and there were times when I spent weeks in the Sun breaking rocks.
Somewhere among the poverty, I met a man named Musashi, who was best described as a sort of ronin. A ronin, speaking basically, was a samurai who was a drifter. Though I had been a soldier, I adopted no concrete beliefs. I did not really know what I was fighting for. It was after many years spent adrift with Musashi that I found a path.
“When you lived among the criminals, did you start to pity them?,” he asked me.
“The first time I stole so that I wouldn't starve, yes, I lost many assumptions about the simple nature of right and wrong,” I answered, then continued, “And when I traveled, I learned of the fear before a crime, and the thrill of success, but I never became one of them.”
I had gone from a soldier to a criminal, and found that the two trades had many common underlying denominators. In me, Musashi saw the terrifying loss of appetite for life, but what he also saw in me was the desire to become something more.
My first night traveling with him, he told me something interesting. “It was often said in ancient times that if you do not teach your son a trade, you make him a robber,” he remarked. I believed that this was his way of offering me guidance.
The most important thing I took from him in all those years was his notion of legacy.
He taught me that a man can be destroyed, that a man can fail. But what he also said was that if one made himself more than just a man, if one truly devoted himself to an ideal, then he could not be stopped and he would eventually become something else entirely.
That he would no longer be man, but legend.
The second night with him was the most important in my life. There, I stood before him, and he told me that if I was to journey with him, I would have to give up my identity. We simply sat in a field encircled by trees in complete silence, and he made a gesture and he took away my name, and then he made me nothing.
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I stood in the middle of the room that housed my composition notebooks. There were now two shelves, one completely full and the other housing only two notebooks. Outside in the living room I could hear the sounds of a football game which had been going on for quite some time and was almost finished.
As the pinkish-red clouds spilled into the baby blue sky, Lynne entered her apartment's front door and ended her morning run. She had been running every day, during the morning or during the night, which ever suited the safety of her children best, for the entirety of three months. Climbing up the steps she removes her headphones and shuts off her musical device and then enters her apartment.
¶ 6/20 – Wow, its been a long time since I've talked to you. I guess today is a good day to reconnect though, its a good day because I actually have something to talk about. Three months ago I made the first small step at a healthier me. I decided that I would run every morning for a full month straight, and I actually did it. I will be starting my fourth month tomorrow and once you get over that first wall, it's really not that hard.
¶ I've also been working more hours now. I don't mind the extra money but I think it's important to not let your life get away from you. I'm still debating on whether or not I should ask for less hours so I can spend more time with my family. In this building are the three most important people to me, my muses, my inspirations and my reasons for living. My reasons for getting up every morning to continue developing a newer and better me, they are what drive me to run that extra mile each day even when I have nothing left.
¶ Sara was having problems reading in school, which is why she is wearing glasses now, I guess she gets it from Emily. She looks so cute with them, though. I try to read with her and David every other night, and I just love seeing her in them. My little girl is growing up! :)
¶ I feel like I am getting closer to David as well. He has really been opening up. He has this telescope that my love gave him a while back and he is really attached to it. It makes my heart smile that he has a person to bond with.
¶ I also bought a bicycle, now that I have an easier time riding them. It's one of those classic bikes, the ones that have a basket in the front and have curved handle bars. I know I look dumb and weird riding it around, but I don't really care. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I'd rather be a target for faraway laughter than a person who will just never understand.
¶ Speaking of laughter, I made my love laugh yesterday. It wasn't a chuckle or a short laugh, it was one of those rare laughs. He actually started choking on his water because he was laughing so hard! Ten minutes later after he stopped, he went into the bathroom and every once in a while I could still hear him laughing lowly because what I said was so funny.
You know those things that make you laugh randomly while your just walking down the street? Yeah.
¶ It almost felt like an accomplishment to me, one, because a part of me always thought 25 | MUSASHI'S TRADE
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I was kind of a boring person and I wasn't really that funny, and two, because he is normally a very serious person, and getting someone like him to laugh like that was just completely awesome.
¶ I really do feel like I can be myself around him, like I can say anything I want. I get a boost of confidence and know that whatever I say or do will not be judged. I know that he understands me, and I know that he can see me. He can really see me, like no one else can. I don't think he'll ever know how much of an impact he has had on me.
¶ David and Sara are fighting over the remote now, so I guess I'll have to say goodbye for now. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, and I'm feeling good. Peace.
¶ “And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”
“He [Coach Clayton] was a bit of an odd fellow,” reminiscenced Chipper, “but it seemed like there were times when he was more human than the rest of us.”
Bradley Chipper was an American football quarterback who is now retired. During his rookie season in the prolific league, he developed a faithful relation with his now deceased Hall of Fame team coach, Henry Clayton.
“He had a sixth sense for ticks and subconscious behaviors and the way a brain works,” Chipper adjusts himself in his seat, “It was spot on. You know, it was kind of unnerving the way he could look into a person's soul. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but I know there were times when he knew me better than I knew myself.”
“Can you tell me what opening day was like, anything in particular that you remember?,” the interviewer asks Reggie Rice, who played middle-linebacker at the professional level with Chipper.
“Well, it was the first game of the regular season and it was against our division rivals, plus we were at home. Emotions were high up in the air and everyone was excited for a good game. I remember seeing Coach walking up and down the sideline, kinda overtaken by something because maybe he had something to prove. As for Chipper, I guess you could say I wasn't exactly paying attention to him because he was just a backup QB. The spotlight was on the veteran, Sammy Nordstrom.”
“Everyone knows the story,” Chipper's daughter laughs, “Sammy Nordstrom got injured in the first drive and in comes number thirteen, Brad Chipper, and his first pro pass was to himself.”
Chipper's first pass in the league was indeed to himself. He had snapped the ball, found a receiver, but upon throwing it the ball was batted into the air by a defender and came down in Chipper's hands who attempted to run, but after it all actually lost yards.
This was, in effect, a display of the team itself. They had been ranked last in both offense and defense and were unlikely contestants for a divisional championship or even a wild-card entrance into the playoffs.
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Coach Clayton wanted to develop a team that, in the very least, was respectable, and so he came up with ideas and altered the team's current playbook.
“We lost that first game,” Reggie Rice says, “but after the game Coach came up to me and walked along side of me as we went back inside into the locker room. He told me that he was somewhat satisfied with the way the team handled the game, and how they handled his ideas and the new direction he had for the team.”
“By the end of the season, football enthusiast were calling Clayton 'The Mad Scientist' because of his new approach to the game of football. I mean this was a coach who had some plays that were set up for an eventual lateral. They probably only actually used those plays a few times during the season, but no other coach even had that word in their vocabulary,” remarks Robert Paulsen, who was now a middle-school teacher who grew up cheering for this team.
“Do I miss it? Heck yeah I miss it,” exclaimed Chipper, “With the exception of the day I first held my daughter, the day we won the championship was the most exciting day of my entire life. I felt like football was the only thing that made me whole, being out there on the field with my team and with the one goal in mind to make it to the other endzone, and getting the job done, it gives you a sort of satisfaction that is hard to find anywhere else. I know a lot of people say Clayton didn't 'enjoy' the game, but he had his own way of enjoying it. I won't sit here and tell you that he didn't die with demons, because everything points to the fact that he did, but somewhere in that mind of his I know he was satisfied with being part of the game of football and what he did to change it. As distant as he was, I know he enjoyed every minute out there with us, and I know he cherished both the ups and downs because he knew better than anyone else, that to struggle together was to grow together. Even after I retired, everything I learned from football I applied to everyday life. Why? Because it was football that eventually convinced me that life itself is a team sport.”
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Chapter 3
LONEWOLF
2:1:1:3
LAST night, I had a dream. I was living in a small log cabin at the very top of a snowy mountain. Sitting and reading by a fire, I begin to hear scuffing sounds, and when I open the door to see where these sounds are coming from, I find a wolf about thirty yards in the distance digging into the ground.
Human beings can only sense a certain amount of stimuli. This is to say, of all the things we can see, hear, smell, taste and touch, that is only a small fraction of what is actually there.
There are things that some animals can sense that we humans cannot, one example is infrared light. We can see normal light because we have evolved in such a way that allows two of our organs, our eyes and our brain, to work together in converting stimuli from light into something we can understand, known traditionally as vision.
Anything beyond the frequency of normal light is known as infrared light, where it cycles so fast our organs cannot turn it into something we can understand. But, some animals are capable of this.
Evolution is a long process, but I wonder if there are certain methods we can use now to detect some of the things we know nothing about. Things we don't even know exist, yet at the same time exist right before us. Could we do so by exposing them to certain elements, such as when you are in a dark room and you turn on a light, things are then visible?
In chemistry, when an atom loses or gains an electron, it becomes more positively charged or more negatively charged, respectively; there is also information even under the atomic level, where items may behave in a similar fashion, and perhaps in manipulating them, we may alter their unknown structure and increase our ability to sense them.
There was a massive amount of electric energy just below where the wolf was digging, and I assumed he sensed it somehow. Not wanting that energy to be released, I fired a shot from my rifle into the air to scare it away. It looked at me and then hurried off back into the forested trees.
Leaving my apartment and walking through the front door, I catch a glimpse of a family of Peace Lilies as I walk towards an oncoming school bus. One kid, two kid, three kid, blue kid.
Dave and Sara escape from the mouth of the bus and walk directly toward me. Sara, wearing her new glasses, gets to me first and Dave eventually follows. The three of us begin to walk back towards the apartment building and I ask them how school was today?
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Dave quickly cut in, almost sensing the question before I could even ask it, saying,
“Ms. Chopra said today that bats are blind and use sound to see.” Just as he finished, Sara too began speaking about what she had learned in class.
South Kennedy Elementary School was located in the 54th district of the residing city. Both Sara and Dave occupied the same class, though they were not of the same grade, and have a team of three teachers.
As the students in the class continue to color in black and white images of various animals, Karuna Chopra walks by Dave's location and asks him what color he wants to color in his wolf. Dave, going through his colored pencils, finally decided to color it gray.
In the afternoon, after the class has returned from lunch, they continue their scholarly studies on the animal kingdom, and they learn about the complexity of Earth's ecosystem.
As Karuna is walking the classroom, she notices Sara reading, and at one point asked Sara if her new glasses helped her to see better. They did, and Karuna, who first noticed Sara's troubles and suggested the glasses, was pleased to hear these words.
After recess, the students are sent home. Some walk, some ride the bus. Together Sara and Dave find their seat on the long yellowish bus and when they arrive to their residence, there they find the narrator, instead of their mother, of whom has agreed to pick them up.
“Mrs. Gonzalez was telling us about the food chain, too. Do you know what that is?,”
Sara asked me. I opened the door to let them into my apartment. “No, I don't,” I replied,
“is that when you have hamburgers on a long metal chain and you eat them all up?,” I asked. They both laughed as Sara exclaimed the word “no.”
Once we were all seated at the table in my kitchen and they were eating their lunch, she continued, “A food chain shows you how all the animals in a group are linked together by what foods they eat.” “Wow Sara, you're so smart,” I put my palm under my chin and then move closer to her, “tell me more.”
She continued her lecture as they ate and after both the eating and the homework, I found the book that Lynne had given to me. Sara puts on her glasses and begins to read a segment from it, and then afterwards she gives the book to Dave, and he continues where she left off. Watching over the two, I knew I had done at least one thing right in my life. I think I told you this before; I may hate humanity, but I have always had a genuine soft spot for all the little ones.
“I need to take a shit,” said Dave as he got off his chair. “What?,” I asked. He continues to make his way to the bathroom. “If you say that one more time I'm telling your mother,” I yelled out across the hallway. I believe he ignored my threat.
Sara, still seated at the table with me, begins to speak. Of course I knew what a food chain was, but this time she tells me something I didn't know. “A wolf can smell over 29 | LONEWOLF
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two-hundred million different things. And people can only smell five million,” she concluded.
I told her again that I couldn't believe how smart she was, and after she left to watch television, what she said brought me back to the dream I had last night, and many thoughts came forward.
I wonder, what carries the information of love and hate. When did these two things first occur in human begins? We have a tendency to separate the massless things in our universe, such as goodness and badness, and we also have the tendency to separate the massed things in our universe, such as a computer from the desk it sits on. Our brains do this, subconsciously, for the metaphysical world and the physical world.
This also occurs in animals, where an animal can sense what is safe and what is dangerous, and from its judgement it can decide on what course of action it will proceed to next.
Perhaps it is so that the objective nature of the universe, “objective nature” meaning what the universe is actually composed of without the interference of humanly created subjectivity, determines the way its inhabitants will act and evolve. If we can understand the way we have come to be, can we begin to understand the true nature of our universe?
We know that Earth revolves around the Sun, and because of this there is a sort of repetition between night and day. This repetition has a major effect on the life on Earth, and even dictates the way all life behaves; humans, animals and plants. Understanding this helps us to understand why civilization has developed to become what it is now.
It is possible that early humans began to think in this way, and as such created the construct of God? Man saw that he could create children, and maybe he came to the conclusion that something greater created all he could see.
On the verge of understanding things interiorly, one might learn of the nature of things exteriorly, one might then begin to understand the things that are bigger than him, and in doing so, he might infiltrate the very mind of God.
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Chapter 4
THE GRACE THEORY
2:1:1:4
“IN Western Christian theology, grace has been defined, not as a created substance of any kind, but as 'the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it',(1) 'the condescension or benevolence shown by God toward the human race.'(2) It is understood by Christians to be a spontaneous gift from God to man — 'generous, free and totally unexpected and undeserved'(3) — that takes the form of divine favor, love, clemency, and a share in the divine life of God.” Wiker's Encyclopedia, page 290.
Four years ago, I had this dream. After Satan had been removed from the project, and after God completed the project, there was a transitionary period of darkness, but soon the project came to life and lifeforms began to develop. It was during the age of the coming to life that upon inspection, Satan noticed that they had been given a free will.
Not too long after this, Satan commented to God of his disapproval toward the given free will, but God does not reply. For a long period of time the mocking continues, though God does not ever respond.
Satan, somewhat bitter of the ignoring, embarks on a new idea, and in the stead begins to tempt the lifeforms into the things of sin; lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride, and for a long while Earth is doused in tragedy.
Now reflecting upon his mistake, God came to the conclusion that he would have to intervene, for the will of humans were much too weak. For two centuries, he worked on and developed a projection that would allow him to create a single lifeform separate from the others, but this time he did something different; he altered the DNA of this new lifeform to have absolutely no free will, this lifeform who would later come to be known as Jesus Christ. And Christ, being different from everyone else, would be heralded as the single most gracious human being who ever lived.
Can a human being gain grace without God? As stated above, many believers would simply say no, but I'm inclined to differ in opinion. I think there is more than one way to gain grace, and I have proposed three ways.
The first method, as we have already discussed, is simply grace as a gift from God.
Perhaps when Christ declared himself as “the son of God,” he really meant “a son of God,” meaning he was merely man, but alas a man who received the gift of grace from God himself, and so was now a child of God. That is to say that any one of us could become a child of God and do these things that Jesus was able to do if God so chooses to give us grace.
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from circumstance. This is a much more scientific and logical approach, and the one I support the most. Imagine a person who suffers from a mental illness that causes them to have a tendency to be more sympathetic or empathetic than the average person, coupled with the circumstance that they are living in a very poor area where there is unrelenting suffering. Combining these two circumstances, high-empathy with surrounding poverty, they will react in such a way that grace begins to develop in their being, receiving said grace as a gift from the circumstances they have been put into.
The third method is simply a hybrid of the first two; grace is a gift as a product of circumstance, where God is the circumstance. God is your high-empathy and your surrounding poverty, as the saying goes God is in everything and everywhere, and so this is to say God has gifted you grace through your circumstances.
“For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child." It's no secret that those who want to do good will find turmoil along their way. I believe that's the basic mysterious composition of our universe, whether God be these circumstances are not. That's the way it works.
You take a person like Jesus and look at what he went through. I wouldn't be surprised if you told me that at one point in his life, he was kicked out of a church for standing up for what he believed in, even if it meant teaching something against the church. Having grace does something to a person, for better or for worse, and can cause maroonition.
Jesus was not a pastor, he did his teaching outside and to anyone who would have him. He was not a “published” author, so to speak. But even though he was not
“published,” not official, his grace could not be denied, and it was destined to be seen. I think, though, what's most important about the grace he carried, goes back to being unpublished; grace is not always a white and golden light, sometimes it comes to you in a form that you do not understand.
There is an idealistic view of Christ that I believe we all have that clashes with the realistic depiction or portrayal of him. I'm sure many of his followers today believe he was very hygienic, but at that time period, who really knows. What did he smell like? Did he have clean teeth? Those questions are superficial, more importantly, was he as forgiving and tolerant as we are lead to believe?
If you look at the characteristics of people like him, there is always unpleasantness, because people like him had to deal with the dark things every single day. Today he is a saint, but during his time period he said many things which offended many people, which is why he was ultimately killed.
Other ideals include his appearance. He spent a lot of time walking and fasting, so I'm inclined to believe he was skinny. He was average height? Probably not. Light skin?
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People studying his time period and location suggest otherwise. There are more, and at this point, Jesus will become whoever you decide to make him.
Christ is the epitome of a savior. He will come to you in whatever form you need, and that's what creates the story of a legend, he is more an idea than an actual person.
He may have actually been unattractive, which would give cause to the fact that he didn't have many followers upon his death, but as his legend grew people created him. As history changed his image, more people allowed him into their hearts, as he came to them in the image they needed or wanted.
I think this tells us that grace itself is complex, and that Jesus himself would tell us that there is no right way to live your life so you can acquire it. There aren't certain things you have to follow or believe in. And I think he'd give you a very good example to prove this. I think he'd tell you that when you see a man who is in his thirties and he has no wife, no children, no stable job and a somewhat unkempt appearance, maybe even no home to stay in, he'd tell you not to judge them. He'd tell you not to declare them lost or confused, or that they are unguided, and he would tell you he is saying these things simply because to an outside observer, that is exactly who he was.
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Chapter 5
A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
2:1:1:5
LYNNE, Dave, Sara and I are all sitting on the living room couch watching a cartoon show. I am over at Lynne's because today was her day off. Dave laid lazily on the couch with his two feet on my lap and his head crushing Sara's arm, and his pressure caused Sara to also lean onto Lynne, who was at the other end of the couch with her arm around Sara's neck.
“Is he the bad guy?,” I asked Dave. “Yeah.” “How can you tell?” Sara cut in,
“Because he's a shark.” I thought for a moment, and eventually Lynne asked the two,
“There aren't any good sharks?,” to which they both replied simultaneously, “No.” After the reply she turned her head to look at me and produced a facial expression that suggested that “that was simply the way it goes.”
After a while Lynne crossed her legs and I noticed that her silver foot had undergone yet another creative and artistic change with the help of her daughter. They were not butterflies and hearts, but instead words; “You are beautiful.”
When commercials came on Dave ran to the bathroom and Sara to the kitchen, leaving behind Lynne and I. She looked in my direction again and began to speak about how she volunteered to give a presentation at our library. She saw the sign and decided to cast her name and she was randomly selected and was going to speak about the world of amputations and the importance of self-image.
As she is speaking, Sara returns to us with a box of juice in her hand, sipping it, and overhearing the discussion of the presentation. When she sits back down next to her mom, she again cuts in and remarks on the dress that her mother bought a week prior.
As Sara begins to speak on the dress, we all hear a flush and Dave eventually lays back on the couch, resting his feet on my lap as the commercials continue.
Sara exclaims that she should put it on and show me, as she did the day she bought it to preview it to her children, to see if I liked it as well.
Getting up, she warned me that it was nothing special, that she simply bought it from a thrift shop located in the city, and to not get my hopes up. It seems that the more magnificent you are, the more your modesty will manage to make you feel as if you might disappoint others.
She walked into her bedroom, closing the door behind her, and changing from her blue jeans and white wifebeater into the dress that she hoped would dazzle the eye.
While she was changing, the cartoon came back on and Sara and Dave again gave it their undivided attention. I say undivided because in contrast, the cartoon was not the only thing on my mind exactly, since I was more interested in the soon exhibition of 34 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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Lynnette's dress.
With each passing moment, one second split into two and I felt her inhibition radiate from beyond the room, coming in the form of not matter but time. There are so many different ways to perceive the idiosyncrasies of a particular person.
And so finally, after counting the minutes, she opened the door and walked out, and the look on her face displayed more anticipation than the usual joy.
Plato's “Theory of Forms” is described as the argument that non-physical forms, or ideas, represent the most accurate reality, which is to say that the concept of beauty is more “real” than actually seeing something beautiful. Formation, in early Greek, is indicated by several words which deal largely with vision, sight, and appearance. Plato states that the objects that are seen are not “real,” but literally mimic the real Form.
Imagine all of the women that Plato made blush, to tell them that they were indeed the pure essence of beauty.
As she walked out into the living room, she gained the attention of Dave and Sara, but not mine as she already had it and my eyes were already locked onto her.
Her dress was painted in an overall black and yellow interlacing design, divided by a leather belt at the waistline and topped by thin spaghetti-stringed shoulder straps. The dress cut just beneath her knees, which made me realize that this was the first time I had ever seen her in a dress that didn't reach down to her ankles.
Dave glanced at her, but then looked back at the television, and Sara, never out of character, began yelling at her, “Not that one, mom! The red and purple one, that looks like it has clouds on it!” She later told me that she bought a few cheap dresses at a bargain price from that thrift store. I suppose if you look for it long and hard enough, you'll eventually find what you're looking for.
I got up and told her to turn around, and as she did the complete three-hundred and sixty degree turn I saw the full framework of her petite body. Putting my index finger to the roof of my upper lip and looking her up and down, I remarked in a soft voice,
“...Dazzling.”
She gave a quick and sudden burst of laughter and the anticipation immediated to joy.
She then asked me if I would also like to see the red and purple clouded dream, and I replied, “At once!,” and I waved her off, telling her to go quickly.
She walked off and entered into her room again, and though I could not see it, I knew there was blood rushing to her face.
I sat back down and saw that the cartoon was still on. My eyes were on the television but my mind was on Lynne, which may have been why I completely missed what Dave was saying to me about the shark.
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what the word for it is. I'm not certain what one would call it, but she has it. There is, generally speaking, never anything special about a nonspecific woman, at least not at any heightened-sensitivity kind of way, until she looks at you a certain way. This is reciprocal, though, as when you look at her in that same way, with that fierce conviction in your eyes, she becomes anything but ordinary. She was nobody, but at the same time she was someone. Even if it was only to me, no matter her form, she came to me as the essence of beauty.
Her door opened once again and her time in her bedroom was cut in half as she came out sooner than expected, wearing her red and purple clouded dream. Fuzzy bursts of reddish clouds cascaded onto the backdrop of a purple sky. The upper body of the dress was mostly in red and the lower body mostly in purple, and somewhere both colors met.
As she walked towards us, I made the gesture of biting my index finger's knuckle, and another one of her bursts of laughter filled the room. Playing along with me, she stopped about only a few yards from me and put her silver prosthetic foot forward, and then quickly curve-whipped her head backwards, and if one had taken a snapshot somewhere inbetween, it may have been placed on the front cover of a women's fashion-model magazine.
We all laughed at her antics, and once she was finished she joined us in the laughter, unable to confine her joy. Dave was no longer watching his cartoon as he was too busy rolling on the floor in laughter, and Sara, caught by the same virus, perhaps would have gained abdominal muscles over night had she continued laughing the way she was.
Examining the dress once more, I saw that it went down to her ankles and covered her chest completely, as if a sleeveless t-shirt.
Once she'd stop laughing and found her words, she told me that she had a few more and asked if I would like to see them. I took her arm and interlocked it into mine, and as I walked her back to the bedroom, I said, “If ever there was anything I would like to see in this world, it would be the sight of the lady in her dress.”
Naturally, she smiled at what I said, but it was only a small crack of a smile, for the rest of her emotion came in the way of contemplation. Her entire face expressed a deep kind of satisfying thought, as if in that moment she had just seen her complete life flash before her eyes, and the images that she saw told her that she would be eternally beautiful.
She no longer needed anyone to tell her that she was beautiful, because she knew that I had seen her, truly seen her, and that was all that mattered. All that ever mattered. I understood her as she understood me, and really that's all people ever want, to be understood and never misinterpreted.
I walked back over to the couch and again sat with Dave and Sara, who were both 36 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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still watching the cartoon but in the back of their mind waiting for their mother to display her next dress.
After about three minutes we all heard her shout from inside the room, “Is that my phone?” Her cellular device had been chiming and when I went to get it, I told her that it was her work calling her. I'm not sure how she was able to hear it and we weren't.
She eventually tells me not to answer it, and after placing it down on the kitchen table, I go back to the couch. “Coming out!,” she soon again shouted.
Dave completely turned his head as she shouted, and then got up and went around the couch, perhaps so he could see her before everyone else. I would wager a large sum that he was somewhat excited to see her because it was rare that he ever witnessed his mother exhibiting such ecstasy. As would anyone, he too was drawn to it. And as she began to open the door, Sara laid flat on the living room floor with the palm of her hands against her chin.
There was a quiet storm of credence brewing outside as she came out in her third dress. Everyone laughed as she walked out, hands on her hips and her chin tucked into the air, there was a sense of rhythm in her strides. Almost as if she were a queen, when she got to the end of the walk she contorted her body, placing her hips outwards in one direction and placing one shoulder in front of the other, and in an accent, stated, “Master Williams... I am ready for my closeup.” And as the rolling laughter continued, she batted her eyes. I have to admit, by then I was laughing pretty hard. Sometimes the quiet people are the funniest.
When she was done with her antics she walked over to us so we could have a better view of the dress. The dress was mostly a solid shade of yellow that eventually faded into a grassy green at the very bottom, and was cut just above her knees. It too was sleeveless, but even moreso, displaying her armpits and, partially, her fore and back-shoulders.
I grabbed her body from behind, wrapping my arms around her stomach-area and pressing my body up against hers, squeezing her, and then dropped backwards onto the couch with her laying atop me on my lap, and in the same accent she declared prior, I whispered, “I must have you.”
She laughed enormously, like a child, and telling me to let her go, but in that moment I announced that I would never let her go. “Unhand me!,” she cried in the same declared accent, but I would not. I professed to the world, in that moment, that I had finally seized the single object of my obsession. That after many years of searching, I had found the one who secured in me the desire to burst into open flames with radiance of blooming passion. I do not believe Sara or Dave understood what I was saying.
As she walked back into the bedroom once more again to change into a new dress, Sara followed her, and they discussed something in secret along the way. For a while, it 37 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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was simply me and Dave sitting in the living room, he still somewhat silently laughing at what was going on with a strange and rare smile on his face.
I sat on the couch, I suppose too, with a strange and rare smile on my face, and thought about Lynne and I's ability to awaken eachother. She awakens me, just as I awaken her, because there is something in everyone that waits to be brought to life. Our connection brought it out in eachother, like some kind of heightened-sensitivity, like some kind of high-frequency infrared light that only the two of us could see, and that everyone else would be blind to.
As a new cartoon appeared on the screen, we heard the door open, and out came Sara, again in character and shouting, inheriting the accent she received from Lynne and I.
“Ladies and gentlemen! With further-ado, I present to you the magical and...,” she stopped and stuck her head back into the room, whispering to her mother, and then looked back at us and continued, still yelling, “I present to you the magical and stupendous Lynnette Jones Parker!”
And out of a thousand dark maroon nights, she walked out in a mostly black dress, which contained a single stripe of red down the middle, with Sara at her side every step of the way and her arms pointing to her mother, as if to present her.
I stood up as the lady walked towards me, softly clapping at the introduction, and without warning she began to twirl. She twirled perhaps a couple more times, and at once, she fell into my arms and I barely caught her, holding her body at a forty-five degree angle from the floor. “My hero, my angel, my king” she fainted.
This dress was not like the others; it was indeed cut directly at the knees, but sported a type of opening in the front, which is to say it went down to her ankles, but only really at the backside of the dress. The upperbody was cut in a sort of V-shape and partially showed her chest.
As she fainted, Dave could be found squatting at the top of the couch attempting to take pictures with a invisibly fake camera. “Hold still!,” he shouted, too adopting our accent, and together we held still.
Simply holding her, she eventually opened her eyes and we looked at eachother, and as I marveled at her starlight eyes, she couldn't help but softly laugh, or perhaps it was a giggle. She was the kind of person who laughed when there was no joke.
I continued to gaze at the light in her eyes, and it seemed to me as if she were a star that could not wait for the night, a star that harvested so much emotion and had the intent desire to explode into a million different gemstones. Sliding my left arm down the backside of her body and placing it under her legs, I swept her into the air and began to carry her all around the apartment as she locked one arm around my neck and placed the other on my shoulder. “I am so fortunate to be your queenette!,” she smiled, and gently 38 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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placed her forehead on the side of my neck.
There was a natural mystic in the air as I carried her back to her bedroom door, Sara accompanying us, and I felt a thousand candles come down from the heavens to light the darkness outside which was fast approaching.
Dave walked over to the television, turning it off, and then journeyed to the kitchen where he stayed. When I asked him what he was doing, he did not reply, and yet kept a secret too of his own.
As Sara and Lynne occupied the bedroom, I thought about how I was now caught under Lynne's supernatural and mystical spell; she could grab me by my tie and take me anywhere she pleased, anywhere she so desired. Perhaps, it was her intention to leave her mark on the world, but she instead left her mark on me.
In time, the door swung open and out slid Sara, as hostess, and once again she began yelling to introduce her mother. “Good eveninging, everyone! It is my pleasure to present to you, the wonderful ladybird in her rosedress!,” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
And as Lynne strolled from out of her chamber of secrets, I heard the sound of dance music coming from the kitchen, and it followed her everywhere she went, and I came to the realization that just as things can be visually beautiful, that there were also things that were audibly beautiful as well, and to pair them together, as they were now, was to create the benevolent dream of her majesty.
I looked back into the kitchen and saw Dave laughing with his hand on the radio, slowly turning up the volume so the dancing music could fill up the entire apartment, and once I looked back at Lynne she was now walking to the rhythm of the song currently being played, with a small but notable smile on her face which implied she enjoyed her son's antics.
When she got to the end of her walk, she struck a meaningful and delightful pose and then presented to me, and only me, a dead-center stare as she looked into my soul, and such did the stare send a shiver and a chill down my spine.
In the midst of the pulsating music, she put her four-fingers to her mouth and then proceeded to blow me a kiss, and once the soft kiss had traveled across the room, I caught it in midair and sprucely tucked it away into my heart-pocket. It was after this that Sara and Dave began to tease the both of us with words of romance and laughing at our affection.
As the music continued to play in the background, the three of them came to the living room couch and I saw that her dress contained displays of bluejays and blueroses.
It was mostly white, secondary with blue, cut just below her knees and hung to her body by shoulder straps which were medium in width. The frontside of her dress, near her abdominal, fell gallantly like a blueish waterfall, and I must say she looked like a blue 39 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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bird in flight flying cross the white cloudline in a deep sky.
After we all admired her, she told us she would display a few more dresses and then we could the three of us decide which dress she would wear to her presentation. This is when Sara presented the idea of grading the dresses, from one to ten, ten being the highest possible score. We started the grading with her current dress, which of course received tens from each of us, and then her and her daughter returned to the chamber of secrets.
A new song came on from the radio and Dave and I awaited the next preview, and in anticipation I thought more on Plato's theory. Seeing her in so many colors, she had become a symbol of love to me. Not only was she the essence of beauty, but also the embodiment of love, which she gave to me in a form I could understand, in a form which was patient. Like any other woman, she simply wanted to be seen, but she wanted me to see every part of her. Not just the physical and the mental aspects of her nature, but more her grace. For so long she had so much to give, and for the first time in her life she was allowed to give.
Now that there was music and a hostess, the party had truly begun, and not too soon later Sara flung open the secret door.
“Thank you everyone for your patience! With furtherado, I am glad to present to you, the eighth wonder of the world!,” she screamed, even above the music, and out she came once again to the stride of the pumping sounds and the sparkle of a vintage classic.
Once I had seen her, I slapped my palms to my cheeks and my eyes widened as my mouth gaped, I simply wanted to scream. Seeing my gesture, I could tell she was a bit shy about it and that blood was flushing throughout her entire body, washing over with red seas of excitement. She stood there, her hands meeting behind her back, wearing a thigh-level pink and peach flavored autumn. The dress was cut above the knees and was the shortest dress I had seen so far, and was accompanied with long-sleeves and a soft fabric belt around the waistline, which I learned did not come with the dress but was a creative integration on Lynne's part.
Walking over to me, still in the tune of the music, we all heard a slight tear, and when she looked down to see what happened, she saw a cut at the bottom edge of the peachly pink dress. “Damn it,” she said aloud. I guess it was going to happen sooner or later. We all looked at the tear as she told us she would just sew it back up. Because of this, I gave the grade of a nine, as did Dave, but Sara let her off the hook as she gave her a perfect ten.
Watching her walk away from me in the pinkly peach autumn, I stared at her legs.
She was no longer confined to a single body. To me she represented the idea of the everywoman. She came in all shapes, sizes and colors, and on any given street, you might 40 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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see her walking with the power that came from the Sun.
With the sound of dancing music and the illustrations of beauty, I decided to move the couch and other pieces of furniture so I could create a catwalk from the door to the living room. Thereafter, I laid down a long rug that led all the way to me, because I had known I was always her final destination.
“Hello, hello, hello!,” Sara shouted, “it is my grape honor to introduce to you, the lady in yellow!” Dave, bobbing his head and increasing the volume, gave way to a dramatic entrance by Lynne, who at first was confused of the layout but soon saw me waiting in the distance. She walked in the path of the rug, very womanly, and time seemed to slow down as wind came from the window and blew inwards the curtains. And once the wind reached her dress, too blowing it onto one side, I saw that she came to me with the golden glow of a dark half moon. She was divine, otherworldly, donning a dress which was slit on one side in the front and partially revealed her silver foot.
The dress itself went down to the ankles and were equal parts gold and silver, ultimately matching her prosthetic foot, and had a buttoned top and collar.
She was gorgeous, and despite wearing no make-up she stood out like a red leaf among green leaves in the beginning of fall. This was because she had a natural beauty, the same natural beauty which could be found in the highest mountains and the greatest lakes, which could not be denied by darkness and was so received by light.
Almost to me, she stopped and lifted one leg onto the coffee table, and then used her index finger in a sly way to tell me to come to her. I looked around the apartment, and then asked if she was gesturing to me? She nodded her head slowly, so I got up and walked over to her. When I got to her she cupped her hands to my ear, and put her mouth to her hands, and slowly, she began to whisper a secret to me so only I could hear it.
In the softest, foggiest voice, she whispered to me, “You make me feel like a virgin, a new woman being cherished for the first time.” My eyes widened as I stared at Sara and Dave, and immediately after she finished she began laughing, eventually covering her face in embarrassment and telling me she couldn't believe she just said that to me. I simply looked at her, I could not find words for a reply. From my expression Sara and Dave ran over and asked what words were said in such secretive fashion, but Lynne quickly removed her leg off the table and bursted out in a colorful way, “Nope! It's only between me and your father,” she slipped in words, and then ran away from their pestering to hide in the bedroom as they chased her.
No one noticed except me, and perhaps you, of the exact word she had used to label me. Perhaps it was because they were so caught up in the moment with the booming music and visual depictions of elegance, but not one word was uttered of doubt for my position in the household.
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Dave eventually came back out and Sara dwelled within the room of secrets as Lynne prepared to fit her next dress, but upon doing so they realized we had forgotten to grade that appearance. When they came back out, the three of us wrote our numbers on pieces of paper.
I displayed mine first, which was a rating of 01. When I saw her disappointed face, I looked at the sign and realized it was upside down, to which I flipped it displaying the perfect score of 10. Dave followed, also scoring a ten, and finally Sara, who gave her a nine. When Lynne asked why Sara only gave her a nine, Sara explained it was because the dress was ripped. “Honey, it's supposed to be ripped,” Lynne laughed. Sara was, however, solid in her opinion.
After they both exited and went back to their room, I glanced over into the kitchen at Dave, who seemed to be dancing, shaking his buttocks into the air to the sound of the music he was in charge of, and at times pulling the front of his shirt over his head as a signature.
Waiting for Lynnette, I thought about her virgin confession and the way I made her feel. Perhaps it is so, that a woman may search for the things that infuse her spirit and imagination, if only to make her feel young again, on the night that she would first encounter true love.
The door gave way once more and out came Sara, “Eh hem! May I have your attention please. The lady...” and before she could finish Lynne came running out of the room directly towards me.
She sprinted down the Lynnewalk, and jumping to my feet all I could think of was why she was coming at me at such a great velocity.
Once she was close enough to my being, she leaped valiantly into the air and with impressive hangtime, and finally I caught her as she landed into my arms. Her legs now wrapped around my waist and her arms resting on my shoulders, she eventually re-positioned them to cradle my neck as if to hug my body. She had so much energy I thought she might do a backflip out of the window soon.
The dress she had on allowed for such activity, as, like a prior dress, it had an opening in the front, and with this dress she also wore a pair of leggings to create a type of combination. The dress was completely solid orange, save for a few orange fruits, and the leggings were completely solid green, and they paired to make a delicious visual. The top of the dress hung around her neck like a string necklace, and the whole dress fitted loosely on her petite body. The only problem was that the shade of orange and green in question were not exactly in tune and did not match very well.
After she had pulled her head back, she began kissing me all over the face in an excited fashion. She kissed my cheeks, lips, forehead, even my nose, and when finally 42 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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finished, Sara exclaimed that I should pick her up and fly her like a ballerina. I had done this to Sara herself just yesterday, and I supposed the idea stuck in her head.
It was then that I picked Lynne up from behind and, once she had wrapped her legs around my waist once again, this time in an opposite manner, I “flew” her across the living room. For whatever reason, time lapsed, and I found that Lynne was now on top of me, balancing herself on my shoulders as I walked the living room around.
Trying to position herself in a way that was more comfortable, she became quite heavy and somewhat shifted my body and I made an abrupt turn and, losing her right hand, she completely lost her balance and I stumbled into the couch, sending her flying way overhead into the opposing coffee table.
I panicked, running around the couch to see if she was okay, and from her only came a type of gasping laugh. She was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.
Once she had collected herself, Sara pointed out that her dress received a tear down the backside. Another ripped dress, I guess you get what you paid for.
Amid her checking for any scrapes and bruises, the sound of the radio went down as it was transitioning to a new song and we could all hear Dave, who was now in a world of his own.
He had completely removed his shirt and pants and now only bore his undergarments and socks, and in his comedic way, he was mimicking me in a humorous way. With the accent, he declared, “Muah! Muah! Muah!,” pretending as if he were holding a girl, and smooching her as he held the back of her head, “Let me take you to the moon!,” he cried.
All of this in the most romantic way possible.
The laughter from all of us never went any higher than when we saw what Dave was doing, which was perhaps the highlight of the evening.
Eventually we all voted on the green and orange combination, all giving tens. It was around that time that I noticed that Dave was copying every one of my ratings.
“Put your clothes back on,” I demanded to Dave as Lynne and Sara walked back into the room, but he never did. Instead, we both heard a knock from the front door. It was the husband of the Filipino family, who told us that our music was being played too loudly. I apologized and told him that I would turn it down, and as he left Dave went over to lower the volume by half. We were having so much fun we didn't realize how loud we were being.
Walking back to the couch, I hadn't noticed that Sara was introducing Lynne again, and looking at her as she walked out in a purple and pink dress, I tripped over something foreign and proceeding to land on my face. She ran over to check on me, and when she saw that I was fine, she burst out into laughter, almost tears. “Keep laughing and you're going to rip another dress,” I commented.
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She helped me up and displayed herself to me, one hand on her hip and the opposite knee pointing out, and the dress came in the form of an ankle cut dress that was strapless.
It striped together the colors of purple and pink and made good on presenting her as a model who took the world by storm. She would appear in Tokyo, Delhi, London, Lagos, Sao Paulo and every other major city in the world, all on the biggest screen each city had to offer, and regardless of which city you came from, when you looked at her she was you and you were her, and together you were both worldwide.
Time lapsed again and we all found ourselves in the living room, dancing to the rhythm of the tune being played on the radio. Dave was still half naked and Sara was hopping on the top of the couch. Lynne was the most animated out of all of us, raising her arms into the air and swaying her hips from side to side, and each time I came near her she let out a half-nervous laugh. Even so, she had been reanimated, and Dave and Sara were beginning to see their mother in a new light.
The final dress was now to be revealed, and as Queenette Lynnette and her daughter Princessa Sara occupied the secret chamber, Dave was in the kitchen drinking water from the kitchen sink, perhaps dehydrated from the exercise.
All of a sudden, in a timely fashion, Sara slid out from the palace with her arms stretched out and again began, but this time in a calm voice, “Ladies and gentlemen...
And now, I present to you, the lady who needs no introduction,” and her arms pointed in the direction which Lynne came out of, and displayed to us herself in a brown and cream colored polka-dotted dress. She walked down the runway with such vigor and zeal, and moved with such passion, that too look at her meant using every neural pathway in your brain to understand such beauty.
I meant to pick my jaw up from off the floor, but I could not take my eyes off of her. I searched with my hands to find my now unattached jaw, and once I had found it, I pushed it upwards as to reattach it to my face, but upon doing so it again fell to the floor. She laughed, again enormously like a child, and her laughter eased my soul. It was a laughter that escaped her, and then came back to her, and then escaped her again.
This dress was ankle length and the top portion seemed more like a medium-sleeved shirt. The upper portion was shaped like a V and partially displayed her chest, and at the very bottom was a pattern design of triangles.
After she demanded that her children turn around or cover their eyes, she again placed her leg on the coffee table, but this time did something different. With her leg on the table, she slowly lifted the dress up to her knee and then began to take off her silver foot. Once off, she began to wave the foot in the air and eventually flung it at me, and after catching it, I realized that she was telling me that I could have her, anywhere, anytime, and for whatever reason.
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And as I thought about it, in the distance she hopped over to me, telling me that she actually needed her foot back, and after she took her silver piece back I swore that I would never again ever wash my hands. As she walked away, I whistled at her, and I whistled once more as she put her silver foot back into place, letting her know in all good fun that she was exemplary in the art of flirting, even if at heart she was the exact opposite of a flirty person.
Once she allowed Dave and Sara to again participate, we graded her dress, giving her perfect scores of ten across the board in a unanimous and undisputed decision.
We all stood there, and she then asked us which one we all liked best, and we all instinctively noted the blue and white dress that contained birds and roses, and it was partially decided that that would be the dress she wore to her presentation at the library, though we all wanted to see her in it one more time to make sure.
Sara and herself again entered the room for one last time, and Dave and I sat perched in the living room awaiting the last and final display.
And as I sat there, my mind not wandering but fixed solely on Lynnette, I thought of the sky and the many colors it could carry. I thought of all the combinations of all the colors of all the dresses she had shown to us, and I imagined them appearing in the most beautiful of skies. I saw her dresses, all of them; blue and white, and black and yellow, and purple and red, and orange and green, and silver and gold, and brown and cream, and pink and peach, mixing together in the color of twos to create dynamic clouds on the backdrop of the great sky.
The final appearance in the dresswalk was upon me, and though I had already seen the ladybird in her rosedress, I was still excited. Time began to drag, as once again the seconds split into two and she took quite a long time, as it were the first time she slipped into her first dress this day. Perhaps, twenty minutes had passed, and on the twenty-first minute I said to Dave, “I think Sara killed her.”
But the time came, eventually, when Sara opened the door and walked out. There was a sweet smell, sweet aroma which transpired from inside the room, but it came as a tease because Sara soon closed the door shut.
She went over to all of the lights and switched them off, and in a box she took out a power flashlight and turned it on. Dave and I were in complete wonder. And after maintaining the position she so desired, she called out to her mother, saying, “Ready!”
The entire apartment was dark save for any place Sara shined her powerful light on, and once the door to the secret room opened, Sara positioned her light on the door and we all waited. At this moment, the song on the radio switched to a more mellow and soft melodic tune, as if by fate, and then out walked Lynnette, and I witnessed something which had been created by a force of nature, perhaps a higher power, whose keen intent 45 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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was to design something which could be shown off or displayed, exhibited for all to see.
As she walked through the darkness to me with a powerful light shining onto her, I instinctively stood up. She had on the blue and white ladybird rosedress, but unlike the other displays, she carried the tan purse she had stolen from my mother, wore white heels and gold earrings, smelled of a green-apple perfume, and had make-up on, of a modest proportion, and she did this all for me.
Red lipstick, black eyeliner for exuberant eyelashes and a dash of hue on her cheeks, she walked towards me and the soft mellow music matched her appearance like a puzzle, and in it I found the most beautiful answer I could ever find in life.
Getting ever closer to me, she presented to me a smile. The smile was the final piece to the puzzle, and from this she created an image that you may only see a few times in your life. It, in the most literal of fashion, took my breath away. At that moment she represented every beautiful woman in the world whose desire it was to change the world itself with her own grace.
She was going to be giving a presentation mainly on self-image, and I understood a great deal what this really meant to her. There is not one person on this Earth who doesn't somewhat suffer from self-image in some way, because as human beings, we tend to think first with our eyes, regardless of the knowledge that beauty stems much deeper than this. Much, much deeper.
I had never seen her in this way, but I suppose I was so jarred by the picture because I was accustomed to seeing her covered in dirt or in paint, tired from the day because she had just finished gardening or working on a new piece.
My mind was in a frenzy, in a state where thoughts of her could not escape. I was, perhaps, driven to insanity by her.
She finally got to me, her smile in width now from ear to ear, and as she pressed up against the side of me, she kissed my cheek and left behind a red stain. The moment her soft lips left my face, the back of my hand greenishly rose to my forehead and I fell backwards, unable to stand because of her touch.
I laid there on the floor, attempting to fan myself, but it did no good as it does one no good in trying to evade the rain. I soon after lost all consciousness.
I must have been knocked out for at least ten minutes when I finally woke up to see the three huddled above me, trying to wake me up. When I came to, I shot up, filled with energy, and I shouted to Dave, “Quickly, quickly, call the fire-station!” When he asked me why, I told him it was because there was a fire in the house!
He ran over to the kitchen and detached an invisible fire extinguisher, and then proceeded to throw it to me, and after catching it I turned towards Lynne in an attempt to blow her out and put out the fire. By this time Sara was laughing, a bit confused, and 46 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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Lynne just stood there in her waterfall-clouded dress laughing, at one point almost falling as she tried to walk away and mildly stumbling on her silver side, nearly giving into her heels. She quickly regained her balance and shouted to me while laughing, telling me to cease my silliness.
Once we were all collected, we agreed on the ladybird rosedress, and I told her that it suited her very well. She was the one and only, and the dress appeared to be made specifically for her. It was like a rare dress that only she could slip into, only she could bear.
Now looking at the overclock, I saw that time had flown by and it was already ten p.m. Prince Dave, still half naked, laid in a somewhat sleepy state on the couch, as did his sister, and the sound of television made intent to put them completely to rest. I believe we were all satisfied with the day that preceded us, and I knew it would be a day we all remembered for a very long time.
At the time, Lynne had returned to the secret room to change back into normal clothes. I stood there, hanging over the couch and watching the program on the television, until I felt a desire to see her again.
After I had knocked on the door, she told me to come in, and upon entering I found her standing in front of the closet looking through hangers of clothes. She looked through the closet wearing only her lingerie; she had on just a black brassiere and white panties, and as I walked over to sit on her bed, I watched as the curtains blew in from the outside wind.
Leaving her closet, she began to walk towards me, perhaps to don the clothes she had laid out on the bed, and as her legs scissored I noticed the short streak of a scar running down her inner thigh. Once she was close enough, I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards me, and in gesture I asked her to sit down beside me. She was already aware that I was looking at her scar. A scar that reminded me of her violent past. It resided remarkably close to her vaginal region.
Over time, I looked back up into her eyes and I saw that she could not hold back the illumination in her eyes. She did not say it directly, but her eyes told me that she wanted to be possessed by me, that I had put my mark on her. She moved forward and kissed me, and I kissed her back, and soon after her head laid candidly on my shoulder.
She had washed off her make-up and her smell of perfume had become very faint, and even though her flesh pressed and rubbed against mine, that smell was almost completely unnoticeable.
I suppose I had somewhat startled her when I took out my hand from off the bed and calmly placed it on her thigh and gently moved it upwards toward the legacy scar. She had no idea what it was that I was doing, but I continued, and she didn't stop me, her head 47 | A PORTRAIT OF THE LADYBIRD IN HER ROSEDRESS
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simply laid there, resting on my shoulder.
Once I had reached her scar, I began to rub the area, up and down, back and forth, side to side, as if to massage the pain from her past, and inbetween the session, she had lifted her head to place her chin on my shoulder, and then closed her eyes. I knew then that she trusted me with her life and every aspect of it, and soon came the time when she took out her own hand from off the bed and placed it on the top of my massaging hand, interlocking our fingers together.
I understood then that what we had was a love story, that which was brimmed of romance; and ever so gently, she blossomed for me, and I possessed her.
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Chapter 6
RED RIGHT 88
2:1:1:6
“AS the new leader of the team, Reggie ran out onto the field first and led us into the second game,” said Kelechi Okadigbo, who played the running back position for the team.
Okadigbo continued, “The first quarter was pretty much like the entirety of week one's game, we couldn't really get anything done, and this was pretty much expected. I remember there was a fan of the opposing team near our bench who consistently heckled us. Even was wearing a jersey of his team with Woodchipper's name and number on the back. It was a tradition they had for bad players, basically saying that that player was going to help them win the game because they were so terrible.”
By the second half of the exhibition, the frustration of playing poorly began to settle into Clayton's team. One of his players would later be suspended and fined for an obvious illegal hit, and he would soon find that many players were deviating from his playbook, as if they had not understood their course of action or simply rejected it.
“During that second week game Reggie came up to me as I walked over to the sideline because the defense was coming out onto the field, and he said something to me that kind of made me upset. I was getting sacked basically every other play because no one could get open. Either way, what he said was, in a snarky remark, 'There's this concept in many team-based sports... It's called passing.' I knew then he didn't accept me as the replacement for Sammy Nordstrom. At least not yet,” Chipper concluded.
“That game was our second loss and when we got back into the locker room all morale was once again at a low,” said Okadigbo. “And then out of no where, Clayton started yelling at all of us. It was the first time I ever heard him speak that loudly. 'If you don't think you're a winner you don't belong here!' He started yelling and went on a tirade about the mechanics of the sport and a bunch of other stuff. We all thought he was just crazy and he was looking too much into a simple game. 'This team isn't talented enough to win on talent alone!' At the time he said that, I was one of the top three running backs in the league, career-wise, so I didn't exactly understand what he meant. After we won the championship, though, two things became clear to me; Coach was not as crazy as he seemed, and that when you don't have the talents and skills necessary to reach a goal, you look for other creative means for success. If you're poor and you don't have access to education, then you learn by observing the world. There are a million different ways to success and fulfilling your goals, there isn't just one way, it's not one size fits all. Be creative. He taught me this, though in a stern way, and I will never forget it for as long as I live.”
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Chapter 7
MANHUNT
2:1:1:7
AFTER driving past a few taxis in Lynne's car, I parked on the side of the street and peered through the large MBJ Airport windows. Unable to find Tao, I got out of the car and entered through one of the many sliding doors. A crowd of noise drummed my ears, and I made the terminal decision to go left instead of right.
Watching the luggage go round and round as I walked past, I looked through a large crowd of spectators, and among them was Tao, who stood there hunting for his bags.
As I approached him, his possessions rolled up and he took hold of them, seeing me coming in the process.
Driving back home, I learned that he was attending an important meeting concerning his new employment. He had flown about four states over, spent the weekend in a hotel and often times wandering the new city, and was now back with a solid position in the company.
As an airplane flew over, he took out a large map depicting the entire globe and began to study it, and at some random minute he asked me, “What is New England?” I looked at him, a bit confused, then answered, “What do you mean, 'what is it?' It's a country right next to England.” He nearly interrupted me, “No, that's Wales.” “I am fairly certain it's located next to England, the same way New Mexico is near Mexico,” I replied.
He inspected his map more closely, “Well, I don't see it on here.” “New England is part of the United Kingdom, you idiot,” I said. “Then what is Great Britain?” “That, I don't know.”
Examining his map ever more closely, he came to the conclusion that New England was no where to be found anywhere. “That's strange,” I remarked, “what if it sunk?” Tao begins to wonder, and he then begins to go into a conspiracy mode speculating that our world leaders may have “made it up.”
Diverting from geography, I asked him why he didn't just have May-ling, his girlfriend, pick him up. He explains to me that he was not exactly excited about seeing her.
I laughed when he told me that every time he thinks of her, he also thinks of Hitler, or some form of Nazism. He went on, telling me that she was a bit of an overachiever and expected way too much from him, and she had already been talking about marriage and children. I nearly lost control of the vehicle.
Not much was said after that, I don't know why, but as we entered into our town I saw work being done on a home. It reminded me of my distant past, to see them laboring away in the Sun like that.
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Under the apprenticeship of a veteran carpenter named Jose, I spent many years learning the trade from him and his crew. With something as menial as carpentry, you'll come to realize there is a diverse family-hood within it, and this is mostly because the trade of carpentry is not exactly prestigious, which will inherently open the door to sincerity.
The sincerity is what initially drew me in into the trade; it was a calm profession where I wasn't worrying about moving up on the ladder or being demoted. Everyone came to work, worked hard, and earned an honest day's wage for an honest day's labor.
Most of the people I worked with were immigrants or came from first-generation families. One from Mexico, another from Poland, carpentry did not discriminate.
Jose loved his job, in it he found an art form, and he told me that it didn't matter how under-appreciated your work went, as long as you enjoyed it. I found it funny, that this same wisdom could be found in a book in the Bible named Ecclesiastes, though he had never read a single page. This told me that regardless of your start and middle, we all tend to end up in the same place; at the end of our lives with a similar wisdom among us all.
After I left his employment, I suffered my first episode of psychosis. I had lost my way, and falling from grace, I found myself in a hellish nightmare. I stalked through the dark forest with a dull saw in my hand, hunting for Sid.
In my search, on the ground, I came across a child-sized baseball bat, which told me that this was the way he had come. The forest was lush full of life, and as I hunted I forced bushes and branches out of my way, following the tracks he'd left behind.
In me, Sid had instilled the beast, and now all I wanted was his head in a bag. Sid is not smart enough to evade me, and soon this manhunt will come to an end.
Perhaps Sid didn't realize it, but he created a monster. In my spare time I committed atrocious acts deemed unforgivable by general society. Often I would wait at playgrounds, or outside children's schools, only to snatch them and do with their body and mind whichever I pleased.
In my lair, I imprisoned a nine year-old girl, laid her on my table, and I pried open her mouth with a metallic instrument. Cranking a lever very slowly, I watched as the instrument slowly increased in gap as it forced open her mouth, inch by inch, to the point of gurgled gaggly unintelligible screams, and there was a serenity that washed over me as it finally and completely broke open her jaw and caused instant death.
Once her body had hardened of rigor mortis, I inserted several objects into her anal cavity and then initiated the fondling of her underdeveloped breasts with metal clamps.
I'll tell you, friend, there is no such satisfaction as the one you get from playing with children.
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Chapter 8
“HARVEST MOON”
2:1:1:8
¶ Distance and resistance, serve as the howls to the harvest moon
¶ Orange and brown petals fall to the ground, forever separated against the bloom
¶ Away from light casts the shadow of darkness, a soul reaver on a high tide
¶ Alone in dreams, distant and resistant, a peaceful life yet a lonely ride
¶ On a dark summer morning, the wind rustles through the trees
¶ A blue bird in flight lands on a branch, sits there for awhile, but life comes and it leaves
¶ Sadness, it fell back, a harvest moon bent upon the hands of time
¶ Swallowed everything whole, so welcome now, welcome to this world of mine
¶ 7/4 – I think most relationships and marriages fail because the two people never really get close to each other. I think, on some level, you have to be friends with your lover, before you become committed and during the commitment. Before you become lovers you have to spend time being friends, and most importantly, while your lovers you have to at the same time know how to be friends with each other. If your lover is just your lover and not your friend, then you'll find that you are in a “contract” and very limited relationship with obligations and notions. Wow, I think I just kind of sounded smart.
¶ When I was nineteen, I saw this kind of strange movie that probably would have been shunned by society if it became more popular. I loved it, and I suggested to a close friend, hoping they would like it and it wouldn't just expose what kind of person I was because I liked it. When you give someone a movie like that, I think there are two things that can happen. They might say its a bad movie and that you shouldn't feel that way (it was very depressing, but at the same time very beautiful to me), and then you will recede and never suggest it to anyone else ever again and just keep it between you and movie, OR maybe that person watches the movie and they tell you they loved it, that they feel the same way, and then slowly but surely you both remove the mask that you were both wearing for eachother and you make a connection. A real connection, with no masks, but plain faces. Truth and honesty. And you find a type of unity, a type of connection, that you didn't know was possible, all because you stopped lying to eachother and opened up and shared the way you truly felt. This wasn't how it played out, after I gave her the movie she found a new best friend, but I just wish she could have seen what I saw in it.
¶ During my marriage, I eventually came across that same distance. It started with his ignoring me, not spending time with me, then it turned into irritation, then slaps on the wrist 52 | “HARVEST MOON”
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or forcefully moving my arm like I was a child, and eventually the violence got worse and worse and I would lock myself into the bathroom for hours ashamed of the bruises. I don't like to admit this, but I felt like a bad person, because I had so much hate for him, but not even just him, for everyone. For Emily, Claire, J.D., I was so angry at them for not helping me. I was wrecked with guilt and hatred at the same time and I just wanted to set fire to everything and just watch it all burn. I didn't care, not even my newborn could save me, and God forbid I had a gun back then because I would have killed him with little hesitation.
¶ I remember for the span of an entire week, I broke down every morning. I would get the kids ready for school, and once they left, and once Silvio left for work, I would just sit on the ledge next to the window, looking out and just crying, because I knew I wasn't happy.
We were living in a small apartment then, the building was about 50 stories, and I remember us being on the 47th floor and I could see a lot of the city. All I wanted to do was run, so far away, and just leave every thing behind and start again.
¶ We used to live near a lake, Cellardoor Lake, and sometimes I'd take the train there through the city. I'd sum up whatever change I could find in the house, or any change he loosely left behind, or any change I could sneak away from him when I brought home the groceries and gave him whatever change was due. And I would punch that train ticket man, go to that damn lake, and watch my fucking life go down the drain. Sorry for swearing, I know it's not lady like.
¶ That whole week, I never changed clothes because I was so out of it. I didn't shower for a week. My gray shirt and pink pajama pants were so musty but I was so weak I just didn't care (if your wondering why I remember the clothes, its because I remember almost every detail about that horrible weak). What was the point? Change so I can tear something else after being thrown around like a football?
¶ Sitting on that ledge for hours, sometimes I'd watch the Sun when clouds were in front of it and it appeared as a glow. I kept thinking, “There has to be someone out there who could help me. Someone who could help me find my way so I didn't have to feel so ugly and miserable all the time.” That wedding ring? It was the worse lie I ever told. The blackest lie that ever came out of my mouth.
¶ I was filled with so much ambition but couldn't express myself because I was trapped.
Or maybe I just didn't know how to. I knew I was beautiful, I was filled with passion, but my ambition was like a secret hidden so far into my being and sometimes even I couldn't see it. I wore my heart on my sleeve, out in the open for anyone to stab it. It had no protection from the perils of outside forces, and so many times he would come by and stab it, and stab it, and stab it, and it bled and bled and bled until the life inside me was gone. This is what happens to a woman who is hunting for her purpose. (I wrote a poem called Harvest Moon which talks about this, and I will make sure I add it to this entry)
¶ I feel as a couple, it is our responsibility to each other to keep each other safe, not only 53 | “HARVEST MOON”
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from ourselves or from others physically, but also from the things we can't see, like depression and anger and isolation. Because when you're so alone like I was, the high tide from that lake will come only to swallow you whole and leave behind madness in its wake.
¶ “.. for that moment I feel as if I could hold the beauty she possesses. That I could find it somewhere and keep it safe.”
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Chapter 9
THE MUSIC CITY
2:1:1:9
IT is often said that life is but a dream within a dream. I think about that quite a lot, and always I end up thinking about the theory that suggests our reality is merely a reflection, or a sort of mirror.
The idea states all that we see or seem is only a reflection of a “real” universe located perhaps in a mysterious dimension, perhaps occurring a long time ago.
Surely you've looked into a mirror. You moved your hand and watched it as it moved in the mirror as well, thinking you were the director, but have you ever wondered if it is your mirror-self that is directing you? The same applies to the theory, limiting expectations or implications on free will.
I guess another way to think of it is as an echo; there is an original source that is copied, and then copied, and then copied... And of course, as with echoes, there is information loss, as well as energy loss.
Scientist speculate that our universe is expanding. If our universe is an “echo”, and, on the contrary, shrinking, where would we find evidence of this? No doubt we would find answers if we could measure all of the universe in spacial degrees and compare it, but what if we instead looked at time? What if we instead observed whether time was shrinking or expanding?
Nine years ago I had a dream in which I had finally located the man covered in darkness. I predicted where he would appear, but I did not predict the amount of pedestrians that would be there that day, and so as I raced through the crowd I tried to keep an eye on him as he was about thirty yards ahead of me, too rummaging through the large crowd.
Why this dream is so distinctive to me is that as I began to lose him, and as the gap in distance increased, the sky began to turn and shifted into a red and purple canvas, and when I looked back down, there was now more than one of him.
It took me a while to realize it, but every single person that he bumped into turned into a figure of darkness, and in turn, the people who those people would bump into also turned into the same darkness. It eventually got to the point where I couldn't tell which one was the real him.
I read a book this one time, which explained how much of the “evil” in the world cannot be solved simply because “good” people never attempt to understand the evil.
That would be to say, to defeat evil, you must first understand it, and to understand it, you must at the very least respect it. To not dismiss it in a simple fashion, but to understand that evil is as complex as goodwill.
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Those of us who are “socialized,” “normal,” “upstanding” citizens, we can't even begin to understand why a person would ever take advantage of children sexually, or why a person would strap a bomb to their chest for a holy cause, or why a person would lead others to genocide, but therein lies the problem. There are sciences at work, such as biology and sociology, and to think that these individuals are simple is a mistake, and often times they are led by very complex psychologies, or more than that, complex systems, whether the systems be political or antisocial. These are mistakes we all make, the same way we think what we can see is all the reality there is is a mistaken way of thinking.
As the number of dark figures multiplied, I eventually completely lost sight of him as he vanished into the crowds of people. I couldn't tell who was who or one from another as I became swallowed by darkness and overtaken by the night.
As the notion of completely giving up entered my mind, so did music, which was accompanied with sounds of bursts of laughter. It was the same music I had heard before, in his apartment way back in The Emerald City, and I knew it was his way of fucking with me.
As the sounds increased in volume, taking up more space, I lost grip of my mentality and couldn't remember when or where I was, though if I had known of this region's historical implications, I would have seen that I was in a melodic location. The music city, Nashville.
Looking out of the window as I wake up, I find that it is night time, and once I look at my ovenclock, I see that it is one a.m. My sleeping schedule was once again diverted from the rest of my peers.
It has been a long stretch of days since I've seen Lynne or her children, but we have developed an understanding. Though it may be years before the two little ones understand completely, they know I am not one for being all-around all-the-time.
I walk into the living room and turn on my television and find the news station. There is a story about a local band in which the lead singer committed suicide. This makes me think of Jack and of his once again long absence. I think of the album he gave me and of probably its best song, “Monolith.”
Monolith is a song about starting late, growing slower than the rest, realizing you made some bad choices. I made my fair share, and there was a time when I wondered if this was all just in my head, but that time has passed. Now I live in a little apartment in a town that borders the city, and I know who I am. After all these years, I think there's a victory in that.
I shut the television off which allows my entire apartment to become dark, and I switch on a flashlight and aim it just above a few figures. The light casts a shadow on the 56 | THE MUSIC CITY
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wall, of what looks to be a home made of sticks. The way they appear on the wall reminds me of the asylum and the black vines that grew into being. I still needed to remove the broken key from my backdoor doorknob.
Standing there, flashlight aimed at the figures, I slowly changed angles to change the size of the ghostly stickhouse, and I could have sworn that at one moment or another, the shadow of an old lady appeared within the illusion, sitting on her front porch and rocking back and forth.
With the passage of time came dawn and a dark blue sky, and I could hear the family above me getting ready for the day. I am not certain, but I believe they are of Irish descent; Tao simply referred to them as “pale white people.” A mother, a father, and guessing at age, perhaps an eleven year old son and a fifteen year old daughter. They mind their own business and don't seem to talk to anyone else. Perhaps the adults were immigrants and came here in search of the American dream.
I was back in my bedroom now, listening to voices on the radio that spoke about teachers who were threatening to go on strike. “The governor and mayor are failing in issues such as school funding and school closure.” “Midyear cuts are greatly affecting students and making it harder for teachers to, well, teach.” “The amount of furlough days are ridiculous.”
The voices are then interrupted by a faint voice coming from up above, of someone who must have been speaking a bit loudly, and from the mother I could hear every single one of her words.
“Heading into the third game, Woodchipper promised me a win,” said Kelechi Okadigbo to the interviewer. “Man, that must have been the absolute worst game we played that year,” Okadigbo laughed.
“There's only one regret I have in my entire life,” Chipper laughed, “and it was in the third week. We had just converted a third down at about midfield. Time was running out of the first half and we had no timeouts left, so we were all hurrying up to the line so I could spike it and maybe we could attempt a long field goal, but in my panic my mind froze and I kneed the play down instead. I don't think Clayton ever forgave me for that,”
Chipper begins to laugh a bit harder.
Week 3 was one of the worst weeks in this team's historic season; the offense was dropping many passes and the defense was committing many penalties, of which some resulted in automatic first downs for the opposition. Free safety Kevin Faulkner would be ejected in the second half after arguing what he claimed to be a bogus call, and his stripping of his gear to display his frustration as he walked off the field would come to be an iconic moment in the franchise's history.
A bad series lead to a bad quarter which led to a bad half and ultimately a bad game, 57 | THE MUSIC CITY
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and at this point, Clayton realized that his schemes and playbook were not working.
“When we got back into that locker room man, Coach was on fire,” remarked Rice,
“He said, and I quote, 'You guys are playing like ****!' 'You're playing worse and worse every day and right now you're playing like it's next month.' He didn't stop there, either.”
Coach Clayton, that night, asked his team if they liked losing. Clayton had noticed that in the third quarter, some of the players were losing interest in the game as the opposing team continued its dominance and continued to score, and so he decided that if they didn't want to play when it mattered, then they would play when it didn't, and he had every player on the team run up and down the entire length of the football field, again, and again, and again.
The drill went on well into the night and by now it was on course for barbarism.
Some of the players were completely out of energy, others filled with clamping muscles, some could barely move, and yet still, Clayton blew a whistle and continued to yell,
“Again!”
Once he felt he had made his point, Clayton dismissed all players except for one. Bert McCormack, who was somewhat of an overweight lineman, was not able to keep up with the others, and so Clayton let the rest go but told McCormack to complete the laps, and as the rest walked towards the locker room, they looked on in pity as McCormack stayed out on the field.
Though McCormack was, at many points, vomiting, Clayton did not hold the same pity McCormack's peers did, and he continued to push him, to his brink, and to a point that any other man could not withstand.
Rice, fearful, walked up to Clayton and pleaded with him to stop his antics, but Clayton made sure he would be read loud and clear. He wanted his players to know that this wasn't just some game to him, and now they heard him.
Forcing McCormack to complete the two remaining laps, and seeing that Clayton had no inclination to let him go free of the charge, Rice ran back onto the field in partnership with McCormack and ran with him the distance. Of course, when the other players saw this, they too reunited with their contemporaries, and so the entire squad was back out on the field, running with McCormack his final remaining lap and helping him along the way.
Clayton, though thought to be something of a mastermind, did not anticipate this reaction, and so in his anger, he had created something of a brotherhood.
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Chapter 10
A LEGEND IS BORN
2:1:1:10
“AND finally, after the scorpion finally won the game, the lizard went on his way to find a new home. The end,” Karuna finished reading to her students for reading time. The book she had been reading was “The Scorpion versus the Lizard,” and was very popular among children around the world.
Finishing her remarks and answering questions from the students, Karuna received a message from the school's intercom system, “Ms. Chopra, three-one-one here to see you.”
Lynne sat in a small room that was ordinarily used for parent-teacher conferences, and waited for one of three of her children's educators. Karuna, after opening the door approached Lynne, right arm extended, and Lynne sat up to shake it, both saying hello.
Karuna thanked Lynne for coming, as she was only one of four parents who would ultimately attend one of these meetings, regardless of the fact that they maintained a large classroom.
Both sitting back down, Karuna spoke of Dave and Sara and their progression in mathematics, science, English, history and art. She commented on Dave's reservation and on Sara's increased participation after procuring eyeglasses.
As the conversation came to an end, Lynnette asked Karuna if it seemed like her reading and writing efforts with her children were making a difference, and she is pleasantly surprised when Karuna tells her that the two of them are actually reading at a level higher than they should be. Karuna explains that her extra efforts are important, as communication and efficient ability to express is essential in life, and one of the most common ways we do these things is through reading and writing.
Validated, Lynne leaves the elementary, walking through its parking lot as a proud mother, finishing her extended break and driving back to Max's Diner to return to work.
A bell rings within the elementary as school buses line-up outside. The children are released by their teachers, and very soon afterwards Sara and Dave find their school bus.
Occupying the same seat, they argue the entire way home, over who would get to watch television first and who would decide which cartoon to view.
“Do you think he will come today?,” Dave asked his sister. “She said since today is Friday and we're not going to dad's, he will come over,” Sara answered. A pause in the conversation allowed Sara to spot an elderly man walking with a cane in a robotically-nervous fashion on the sidewalk, “Hey, look at that old man and his stick,” she laughed as she said to Dave, pointing, and after Dave looked, he too bursted into childish laughing.
Exiting the bus, the two walked towards their apartment building, pressing first the buzzer to their home, and then the buzzer to Deana's, who shortly after allowed them to 59 | A LEGEND IS BORN
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enter and greeted them in the second-floor hallway. Once finished, they entered their residence.
Miles away was Lynne, who was entering the final hour of an eight-hour shift.
Returning to a table she had previously served, she found a twenty-two dollar tip left behind by the patrons. After tucking it away into her pocket, she proceeded to carry the dishes and eating utensils back into the kitchen, and finally, wiped down the table for a set of new guests.
“I'm coming home now, and make sure David starts his homework right after he eats,” Lynne said to Sara, calling her from the diner's telephone. “Can I go on the computer when I'm done with mine?,” Sara asked. Her mother replied positively, and soon after they said their goodbyes and hung up the phone.
As Lynne exited the diner, she too said her goodbyes to her associates and entered her vehicle. It was late in the afternoon, just before evening, and during her drive home, the sky grew bitly darker.
Turning on the radio, Lynne flipped quickly and randomly through stations until she finally landed on a sound that she liked. It wasn't the kind of sound she usually listened to, but her taste in music was broadening and she found something she liked in every genre. It was so now, that she enjoyed all forms of music, so long as it had meaning.
Stopped at a red light, she found herself “parked” in front of a bridal gallery. A plentiful passel of white wedding gowns glazed her eyes, and this sight prompted her to think of who she claimed was her soulmate. “Not all women ride into the sunset,” she thought to herself. And though she and her lover were not bound by marriage, she felt that in each of her lives, the amount of sincerity they both possessed would attract and bring them together, and at the very least, they were bound by this pure sincerity. She felt that the red lipstick she painted onto her lips did not define her, but that she defined it, because from her mouth came only truth.
This seems to be an archetype, it seems to be what overly-romantic women think and do, and it was of utter importance, because unknown to her, she would never again marry.
Once the light turned green and as she drove away from the bridal gallery, a new song came on from the radio. It was “Perfect Storm,” by Leah Waggner, off of the album
“Ladybird.” It was currently one of her favorite songs which is why she began singing along to it. “A quiet storm of credence, a madness in its wake,” she sang.
After some time, Lynne was finally home, and opening her front door, she walked into the kitchen to find Sara playing on the computer.
I can't say I enjoy being out in the world. A part of me is driven to introversion. So as I sit here in this federal building waiting for my name to be called, watching all of these people walk to and from, all I really want is to go back home.
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I am here today because Lynne is swamped with work all week, so I did her the favor of submitting some government documents for her that concerned Dave and Sara and their medical association and or health.
“Now serving RR88,” I heard from the intercom, and I got up to go to the woman who was waiting for me. As I approached her, my mind, as it does often, began to wander. I thought about the mass of people who were in this building, moving around spacetime on a revolving planet, and I thought about how each one of them was conscious and in charge of their own actions and decisions. Or were they?
Let us say, for the time being, that fate does not exist, and that every thing is calculated by the universe through cause and effect. This means, if I say something that offends you, then the universe will compute this information and the result will be you coming to dislike me.
If this is true, then the universe itself would have to work harder to compute and calculate every process in the world, right? It may even have to increase memory to produce our reality. Now this supposed way of working is in opposition to a universe where everything is predetermined. Now, when I say something that offends you, the universe does not have to compute whether you will come to dislike me or not, because there is only one option available, you coming to dislike me, because it's already been determined by fate.
Under predetermination, there is only one path to result A, which has already been decided, so the universe does not need to compute any information, it does not need select between 1 or 2 to get to A; whereas, under a universe based off of chance, where computation does occur, the universe will in fact have to consider between 1 or 2 to get to A. This consideration will require more effort, because now instead of only having to know one predetermined outcome, you have to decide between two of them. At the real universe scale, the universe has to consider, for each process, billions of different outcomes.
Back to the original example of you disliking me. I call you a bad person, in predetermination you will always get offended, in chance, you may or may not get offended.
With this in mind, does the predetermination universe require less memory? And is it a far less complex universe?
When I got to the woman I told her the nature of my visit and handed her several forms. “What is your relation to the applicant?,” she asked me.
To avoid any suspicion of fraud, I told the woman that Lynnette was my wife. To my surprise, she did not ask for any identification, but I suppose it was because I was delivering and not receiving.
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Later, as I left the federal building, I got outside to find that the night had completely dropped onto the earth and that the city lights were fiercely radiant. I was staving, as I had not eaten all day, and to my right I spotted a sandwich shop. Just then, Lynne's mobile device, which I had borrowed had I had any questions for her, began to ring.
“Where are you?,” Lynne asked the narrator as she sat on her couch watching television. “I'm coming home now,” the narrator replied. “Do you guys want anything to eat?,” the narrator asked. Lynne removed her ear from the phone and yelled out to Dave and Sara, asking if they were hungry, and they came running out of their room, responding positively.
“Who is that?,” Sara asked, and when given the answer, both children asked their mother, seeing as how it was Friday, if the narrator could sleepover. “Did you hear that?,”
Lynne asked the narrator. “I did, tell them I'll be there in about an hour,” the narrator finished.
This particular weekend, the children were staying with Lynne, who, prior to this month, signed papers that would allow Silvio to see his children once a month provided he continued to pay child support.
The three of them told the narrator what they wanted on their sandwiches, and soon the food was ordered.
Getting off of the bus and entering the apartment building, the narrator walked up a flight of stairs and passed the narrator's apartment door, finally coming to a stop in front of Lynne's. The narrator puts the narrator's hands inside the narrator's pockets, taking out a set of keys, and then selects one to open the door.
On the other side, still watching T.V., Lynne hears her door making noises. She looks towards the door, and then back at the television set.
I walked into Lynne's apartment and told her that the people at the federal building didn't give me a hassle, and that her papers were now with them. The time came when we all four sat down to eat our sandwiches, and Lynne told us about how the kids were reading at a high level.
By the time we finished eating it was nine o'clock. One by one, and at different times, we all eventually entered the living room. David, sometime before, had moved their video game console into the living room, so for a very long time we all played a game called TimeSplitters 2 as they owned four controllers.
It was designed as a first-person shooting game, but most of the time we played a game mode named “Virus,” which was more like the game tag than any shooting experience. We would all choose to play as monkeys and we ran around a map that was a circus, trying to evade those who had been infected by the virus. Getting tagged by an infected person would cause you to become infected, and so now you would have to run 62 | A LEGEND IS BORN
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around the circus trying to tag those who were not yet tagged.
I have to say it was very fun, becoming a virus and chasing down Sara as she screamed for me to stay away from her, or hiding in a corner of a room in the circus hoping Dave wouldn't notice me when he passed by, he himself infected. One of my favorite moments was when Lynne and I were infected, and almost telepathically, we worked together to trap Sara and Dave in one of the circus rooms and eventually infected them both, and afterwards, high-fiving eachother.
We started to get bored of it at around eleven, so Sara shut it off and the television returned to a random channel, and we all found ourselves talking about random things, mostly things we had encountered during the day. Sara mentioned a man walking with a cane, Lynne mentioned an unusually large $22 tip, Dave mentioned a story about a scorpion and a lizard, and I eventually told them that according to the government, as far as they knew, Lynne and I were married.
As the conversation died at two a.m., we entered into more boring subject matter, which is probably why Dave and Sara fell asleep on the rug they were laying on. Neither Lynne nor I were tired in any fashion, so Lynne got up from off the couch, stepped between the sleeping bodies, and turned the channel a few times until she landed on a channel that showed programs of old sitcoms. She then walked back to me and sat back down on the couch, and for a while we both calmly laughed as we watched, as to not wake up the little ones.
As one sitcom ended, another began, and at the same time Lynne got up to get the both of us a snack. As she passed me I took her mobile device out of my pocket and handed it to her, and she took it. About a minute later, she returned with a bowl of chips, placing it right between the both of us, and with both of her legs on the couch, brushing up against my side to get as comfortable as she could. Physical human contact at the midnight hours, when everything is calm, quiet, serene, that was what we gave eachother as I placed my arm around her and rubbed her side.
“You remember a while back when you were telling me about how painting has no boundaries, and then I mentioned to you an old show where two tenants reversed their peepholes? About how I had gotten the idea to reverse my own from that show?,” I asked her. “Yeah,” she said softly as she turned her head to look at me, then placing her elbow on the top of the couch. “This is that exact episode,” I said laughing lightly.
From the corner of my eye, my face somewhat tilted toward hers as I was speaking to her, I noticed that she had not yet looked away back towards the television and kept her sight fixed on me. When I completely turned my face to look at her, to see what was the matter, I found her staring at me. She gave me one of those strong intimidating looks, like a gaze, as if her mind was visiting several different galaxies all at once and trying to 63 | A LEGEND IS BORN