Chapter 2: Top Five Places to Take Her on a Date
Now that we’ve laid the foundation, we can get into some of the simpler details of dating. The first of these is where to take a woman on a date. We’re going to cover five great ideas in this chapter, but first, let’s talk about the significance of the last chapter when it comes to choosing dating locations and activities:
The better understanding you have of how a woman thinks, how she processes attraction and how she determines a man’s value, the less important the dating location and activities become.
Don’t get me wrong; this doesn’t mean you can take a woman to some hole-in-the-wall bar or cheesy fast food joint just because you’re a man of high value. But it does mean that the company will become more important than the surroundings. Just think about this: Haven’t you ever known someone who you always had fun with no matter what you were doing?
That’s the kind of connection you want with a woman. Too many men rack their brains trying to come up with extravagant date activities because they lack confidence in their ability to create attraction with a woman. Women can smell this coming a mile away, and that’s why so many men overdo it by taking women out to nice places and spending a TON of money only to find out that she’s not that impressed with him.
And why would she be?
He went out of the way to create attraction using exterior things, when what she was really looking for was a connection with a man who fulfilled her needs for excitement and security.
So don’t sweat it if these date ideas don’t sound like earth-shattering innovations at first. Instead, understand that the point of a great date is to set the stage for you to make a great connection with her and to demonstrate that you are a man of high value.
Date #1: Group Dancing Lessons
This is not to be confused with taking her to a loud club where you can’t hear each other and shaking your booties for an hour or two. Find a place that offers group dance lessons for beginners for partner dancing, such as ballroom, salsa etc., and take her there.
The activity of dancing will bring you into contact with each other without you having to ask yourself, “Should I put my arm around her now?” Physical contact is a great way to build attraction and to get you comfortable with each other. Also, you’ll have something to talk about and perhaps even to laugh at each other about, during and after the date.
But there are two other benefits of this kind of date that you might not have thought of: first of all, you’ll probably be dancing with other people as well as each other, and that’s a good thing. The fact that you’re willing to see your date dance with other men will demonstrate that you’re confident, secure and not prone to jealousy. Remember, insecurity is a sign of low value, and insecurity is at the root of jealousy.
Most women will even test you to see if you’re prone to jealousy, so you can demonstrate yourself as a man of high value right away by taking her to a group dance class. Not to mention that you’ll get an idea of how secure she is with seeing her date dance with other women.
But the other benefit is that dance lessons might turn out to be something you do together long-term, which will be very good for the relationship. Many married couples have reignited the spark in their marriage by taking dance lessons. It gives the relationship a purpose beyond the mundane and helps to strengthen the bond.
TIP: If the dancing goes well, take her out for a drink or a cup of coffee afterwards. You may not get a lot of talking done during the dance lessons, but it will be a great icebreaker and will help you both relax. It will also give you something to talk about. So take advantage of this by taking her somewhere that you can talk. You can even sneak some physical contact by “rehearsing” the hand positions you learned during class.
Date #2: Piano Bar
Again, this can be a lot of fun because it gives you something to focus on other than trying to keep the conversation going. Of course, it also gives you the space to have some good conversation. Most piano bars are quiet enough that you don’t have to shout, and they set a pretty romantic mood.
Now, what makes this kind of date fun is getting involved in setting the mood. How do you do this? Put in some requests for the pianist, and encourage your date to do the same. Most piano bars take requests, and this will give you something to talk about: each other’s taste in music.
You can often tell a lot about someone by the music they like and most importantly why they like the songs they do. In fact, asking a woman what she likes about a song might get her to tell you something about herself that she‘d never tell you if you just asked her directly. Not to mention that some music can have an almost hypnotic effect on people and help them open up to people they don’t know.
TIP: If you’re making requests to the pianist, make sure you’re not requesting too much of the same kind of music. Go for variety and show that you have diverse interests. For best results, get into the habit of attending the place and getting to know the staff and the regulars. Then, when you go there with your date, it will almost be like inviting her into your home.
Date #3: Wine Tasting
This will either be an opportunity for you to look very sophisticated or to connect with each other out of being mutually ignorant about the subject. Either one can be attractive to a woman if you do it the right way. It depends on the kind of woman you want to attract and also on your personality.
Knowing about wines can come off as very classy, cultured and sophisticated, and a wine tasting is a place where you can talk to her and have a great experience tasting the wines, learning about them and teaching her what you know.
Just make sure you don’t come off as being “snobbish” or trying to impress her too much with your intellect. Let this be an opportunity to show her a bit of your personality. On the other hand, if you know nothing about wine and neither does she, it might be an interesting experience and provide for some good conversation.
TIP: You can drink the wine at a wine tasting, but it’s probably better to spit the samples out and actually make the tasting the feature of the date instead of drinking. Getting “tipsy” on a first date isn’t exactly the best way to connect with a woman. Not to mention that most men are far less charming when they’re drinking than they think they are.
Date #4: Mini Golf
This is perfect if the woman who you’re taking out is a bit competitive (in a fun way of course). Mini golf doesn’t take a lot of skill to learn, and a little playful competition can be a great opportunity to build sexual tension. There’s an interesting connection between sexuality and competitiveness between a man and a woman, and an innocent game of mini golf is a great way to bring out a woman’s competitive side.
Of course, if she’s never played mini golf, she might be open to you showing her how to use the club, which is an opportunity for some physical contact. Much like the dancing date, this will also give you something to talk about, and you might even get to laugh at each other a little. Also, it gives you a good idea of how playful your date can be. There’s almost nothing worse than dating a woman who can’t have a good time.
TIP: Just as after the dancing date, take her out for a drink or a cup of coffee afterwards (that is of course if the date goes well). Again, this is an opportunity for you to talk and get to know each other after you’ve broken the ice and had some fun together.
Date #5: Amusement Parks
It doesn’t have to be an amusement park if you have the option of a state fair or something similar. The point of this kind of date is that it can be a lot of fun and will make a very memorable first date if you stay with her. Many amusement parks offer year passes, and you can purchase one and take your dates there without having to keep paying to get in.
Lots of amusement parks and similar places have a variety of things that you can do together, and you’ll still have plenty of time to talk. Not to mention that it will also give you an opportunity to see her fun and playful side and to show her yours.
In the next chapter, we’ll look at some ways to break the initial awkwardness of your date.
TIP: It might be a good idea to plan to go Dutch on this kind of date or save it until you’ve gone out with her a few times. Spending too much money early on might make you and your date uncomfortable, and amusement parks can be expensive just to get into the park. If the city you live in doesn’t have this kind of thing, you can always save it for a later date and take a trip to a city that does.
Now, in addition to these date ideas, you’re going to need some strategies for breaking the ice with your date. There’s almost nothing more awkward on a first date than clunky conversations where each person is struggling to find something to talk about. While at times this can simply mean that there’s no connection, there are other times when awkwardness comes simply from not having a good icebreaker to get things going.
The following are five ideas that you can use to start conversations that will keep both of you talking, but that aren’t too personal or intrusive...
1. Ask her about where she grew up
“Where are you from?” is usually considered to be a cliché question, which most people ask just to ask it. But it actually can provide a good segue into a conversation, which will tell you a lot about her background: how she grew up, her family and her interests as a child.
You begin with asking her where she’s from, but then you can ask her if she grew up there, what it was like living growing up in a place like that, what she liked about it and what she didn’t like about it.
Again, all very simple questions, but if you actually listen to her instead of trying to think of what to say next or waiting for your turn to talk, you can learn a lot about her. If the place where she grew up is different than where you meet her, you can also ask her what brought her to ____, which will provide a good segue into other conversations.
2. Ask her about what she was like in high school
This can get really fun, especially if high school was a while ago. Most people change their identity quite a bit when they graduate high school and start working or go to college. So finding out what she was like in high school gets you a chance to learn some interesting things about her. You can start this kind of question out like:
“So, what were you like in high school? Were you like the prom queen, the nerd or the girl who wore black everyday and didn’t talk to anyone?”
3. Ask her about where she has traveled (other countries, etc.)
You can start this icebreaker out with a question like, “So, how far out of ___ have you traveled?” or “Have you been to any other countries?”
Most people you meet don’t have the means (time, freedom or money) to travel a lot, so when they get the chance to travel, it’s normally to somewhere that’s pretty important to them. So you can ask your date the same things about the places she has traveled to as the place where she grew up.
4. Ask her about places she wants to travel to (other countries, etc.)
This is a good follow-up question to the previous icebreaker and can tell you a lot about her interests and her dreams. Again, you follow up with questions about why she’s interested in that place and what she likes about it. You can also ask her about places that she’d like to live and why she’d like to live there.
These questions tell you a lot about what her plans might be for the future: if she wants a quiet life or a fast-paced big city life.
And finally...
5. Ask her about her hobbies, dreams or interests
Again, these might seem cliché, but they show her that you’re actually interested in knowing something about her. They give her the opportunity to talk about something that she’s comfortable talking about. Just make sure that you’re asking them with the tone of interest and making it sound casual instead of like an interview.
Don’t just ask her, “What do you do for fun?” or “What do you do for a living?” and move on to the next question. You can normally tell a lot more about someone from digging deeper into one subject than trying to cover a lot of subjects.
If she has a dream or a hobby or something that she’s interested in, ask her why it’s important to her and what she likes about it. Ask her how long she’s been interested in it and when the moment was that she realized that she wanted to____. Showing this kind of interest will demonstrate that you‘re interested in digging deeper into her character rather than “screening her as a potential mate.”
This will also give you an idea of what her plans are for the future and help you determine if the relationship has any potential to grow.
These icebreakers and date ideas ought to be enough to set the stage for your interaction. Now, let’s look at the most important dynamic of building genuine attraction...
TIP: Notice that all of these icebreakers are questions. The best icebreaker is being a good listener. The better listener you are, the more likely your date will be to want to listen to you. She’ll probably start asking you about yourself or trying to get you to talk so that she can return the favor of listening to you.
Too many men (and people for that matter) aren’t good listeners. They wait for their turn to talk and think about all kinds of other things while the other person is talking. Because of this, the other person is also less likely to listen to them. This is death to the momentum in a conversation.