The ends which meet
I have never found myself in this kind of a situation but had a strange feeling that I was doing the right thing because it felt as if I was going to lose something very special in my life if I wouldn’t try to kill myself now………and all of a sudden I am awake just to find out that god haven’t stored even few seconds of happiness for me. As soon as I got out of my room I found my sister with an angry expression…within few seconds I noticed there was something wrong which I have done recently and it had made her very mad….she raged with anger and said “MELLS! What did you do to my hair dryer? It’s not working!” And then my mind strikes that I must have done something with it but I don’t think so the hair dryer was in such a bad condition! By observing my lost face she quickly screams “MOM! MELLS says she doesn’t need her pocket money this month! And instead she wants it to be given to me!” and innocently mom says yes for that and MELINDA leaves with her cruel grin, anyways MELINDA’S always been the same….dominating. I start my day with a loss of my pocket money and get ready for school which is my HELL….I don’t like my school…….it’s because they bully me…..But I build up my courage and got downstairs for having my breakfast and find my MOM and DAD. In my life my dad is one of the best people I can believe in because he’s the only one who can understand me. From the time I was a kid I was a bit slow and I was obviously behind. That made MOM upset and she started showing extra care on me but that didn’t work until now…..DAD never stresses me to do things but MOM does and she also feels that my older sis is intelligent than me so that makes my sis proud….In fact she’s good at almost everything….SO she has a reason to be proud. But when it comes to me I am a loser since birth, and that makes me a SUCKER. After playing with tom (that’s my dog), I have my breakfast and leave for school. Today’s the first day of school after winter vacation and I hope I may have some changes in my life. But everything doesn’t happen as expected.
As I enter into the school I found my rival MS. SANDRA ROSEWELLS and I hate her because she was the one who made my life a living death! When I came near her she stops me and says “hey, smelly MELLS! Looking much ugly today! I’ll see you later after school!” I just didn’t utter a word because I know that would make things much worse because when I actually raised my voice against her once and I just couldn’t imagine what happened next.
As I was heading to the class I saw a girl who was looking scared and confused…she looked like me if I turned back a few years...Confused new kid whom others thought would be easy to bully. Anyways I am not interested to talk to her because others must have told her that I am an ugly female.
During class I received my report card and I did not like the result…almost every subject had C’s or D’s. Who would like these results? As time passed it was recess and SANDRA like always contributes some time on bullying me but she has told she’d meet me after school and I think at some point I am free for lunch. I start eating my sandwich and find the new kid isolated. Well, almost every new student would get along with others but she didn’t. She didn’t have place to sit either and I had lots of space so, I offered her a seat. I was silent as I didn’t want any new mess in my life because I was already filled with problems. After a while her tender voice started speaking and she asks “I hope you don’t have any problem to sit here with me.” Well I didn’t really expect that from her because she looked like a person who would adjust with others but…..I was wrong.
“UMM….no I don’t have any problem at all….you can feel free” I said and tried to look somewhere else because it’s been a long time someone speaking so sweetly to me after ROSE left.
“Oh good then! By the way I’m MARTHA what’s your name?”She asks. By the way ROSE was my only friend, she was not so close to me but at least she used to talk to me. “I…I ‘m….you can call me MELLS” oh no! I stammered….anyways I didn’t feel so worried because she wasn’t someone official. “Um…um…I think…” I think she wants to say that she wants to leave because she had got to know that I am not fit to be her friend. “YOU wanna leave?”
“NO….I…I just wanted to ask if you’d be friends with me that’s all…” Totally unexpected! But, I didn’t have any problem with being friends with her so, I said “sure, why not……well, that’s a really weird question I mean…”I said because I really feel it is weird to ask someone to be friends. But it would be good if I have some friends.
It was evening and I was actually sad that day because I was alone. I never felt like this but today I didn’t know what was wrong…….everyone looked happy but me. I slowly walked towards the door because I couldn’t bear mom’s nagging but mom had caught me and was asking about my results……after I told about all my results it was all hell! And moreover I had also not cleaned my room and did not wash the dishes…..these added fuel to the fire. I was grounded for one month and even dad was disappointed…and that was my worst moment of my life. Everything looked bad at that moment, I felt like a loser and big loser who gets bullied at school and is good at nothing! I was questioning myself why god had sent me to this world! Slowly tears started rolling in my eyes and I couldn’t stand a moment, the only thing I would do next is RUN. I did so….which looked fare to me….I run as fast as I could….I was fed up with my life and I wanted to die….just die! After sometime I reached a place……an unknown place. It was isolated and dry leaves and trees were all I could see, it suited my mood…I felt strange that why I didn’t know about this place but moreover I was frustrated. I found a bench nearby and I sat there. I started crying all of a sudden…..there was no on there and I was pleased because I don’t like anyone seeing me cry. After a while I noticed someone was sitting beside me. I got freaked out but I controlled myself….I could control myself but not my tears…..I started crying again….but this time not for long because as I told I feel embarrassed when someone sees me crying.
“You….don’t look so happy” he says…I didn’t reply because I was not in a mood to talk….. “Um I think you should go home….I mean you know you can solve the problem with your loved ones around...”
“Can’t you just leave me alone? It’s my wish I can be anywhere at any time……and who are you to ask me huh? What are you? A perfect human being who’s good at everything? So what if I am not beautiful? So what if I am a loser?!” I scream but I felt I spoke dumb.
“Um….I doesn’t understand….that’s not what I asked for…I just want you to go home…” ok. I get it I am dumb at times but “look! You are a stranger and I don’t talk to strangers”
“Umm…ok if you don’t want me to talk to you then fine I agree with it but I disagree one thing about you…” he said
“And…that is? Well, I don’t need your answer! I am leaving and will never meet you again!”
“And that one thing is you’re someone who is rare to find…I feel you are far away from being a loser” those words touch my heart! I didn’t hear these words since years! All of a sudden I felt happy and my eyes which were filled with tears were happy and proud…..I turned back to him and said “I….I…do…don’t believe you!” I didn’t want to say that, I actually wanted to say thanks but I couldn’t.
As soon as I reached the nearby lane I found my mom and dad who were searching for me…mom hugged me and ask me why I ran away….I didn’t answer because I was still mad at them.
After having my dinner I was in the backyard thinking about him……I didn’t see him clearly but I could remember his smile, his dark brown hair and his blue eyes and pale white skin…..he looked like he was of my age…and he……seems like I have observed much about him......
At about 9’o clock dad came and sat near me…he explained me why he, mom and Melinda were worried about me. And I understood because I was not a person who stays angry for long time.
It was time to go home….as I stood for a while and looked at the flowers nearby…I found Sandra. I didn’t want to be there anymore because I felt as if they were showing off. Today I was happy without a reason…just like last week but that was when I was sad but now I am happyJ. I promised mom and dad that I will work hard and I am doing that…
After a while Martha came to me…..honestly Martha’s a sweet girl and she’s really good at photography….she’s got this collection of many fabulous pictures that she had taken and I fell in love with them. Yes, I visited Martha home and her home was a really beautiful one….she is a rich kid but never shows off…..slowly I had a feeling that I have a best friend…..
“Um….Mells I actually want to ask you something” what could it be? Maybe she doesn’t like me or maybe I was rude or maybe “oh! Yeah tell me?” I had to speak to make myself alert…AHH I am so weird.
“Do you know josh?” I HATE THIS question! Why is she even asking me this!
“I don’t know anything about him…” I said to stop this conversation before it even begun.
“Well? Do you like him?” I asked just to make the situation cool.
She blushes and she says “no! Um I don’t….I…I” gotcha! I knew she likes him! “Martha I am your friend and I promise I won’t tell this to anyone…….” I was still messing with her… “No Um I just wanna ask you…..are you jealous of Jenna? Because I heard you were josh’s friend and you liked him but….” She said….
“Wait what!” I interrupt her!
“No I don’t wanna hurt you…I just wanna ask you about this because…”
“Because WHAT?” I interrupt again…
“I like josh and I also heard he broke up with her so….”
“Do whatever you want to do with him!” I screamed and I left!
I don’t know why god is so cruel to me, have I done something wrong? Have I….have I *dashes* oh it’s josh! “SORRY...hey! Mells I wanted to talk to you…” he says “just leave…” I say and I leave instead.
My whole mood got spoiled….I can’t blame her…..she was just asking…..
I went to the place where I went last week because I felt there was something special there which would make my mind cool.
“It’s you again! An Unexpected surprise” It was him….the one who complimented me last time…..but I did not like him…his behavior is a bit weird just like me but actually I was mad at myself…before making friends with Martha I didn’t even realize what the consequences maybe…asking about josh is just the beginning, I wonder how much drama is left….
“Well I have no idea why you have come here but you can sit…” he says and I did because even I am a human and I need rest.
It was all quiet and I felt a little bit of ease but to erase this ease a voice came up “So, why did you come here?” he asked, why does he even bother.
“As I told you last week I don’t wanna tell you!” I screamed….because I was disturbed and I knew that the next step he’ll do is yell at me and go away“Ok…..but one thing, did you realize that you’re someone who’s better than a loser?” and that point….I will never forget his words….l owe him a lot. He helped me…..by telling me that I am not a loser. “Oh! Forgot! I want to tell you Thanks” I said because he really deserves it. “For what?” ….he didn’t remember! Ok I can understand. I am not his girlfriend nor his friend….why would he remember me?
“For the compliment….”I remind him…. “No I just spoke the truth…” He says
“Don’t joke…Well you can call me Mells” I told him my name because I was trying not to be rude but I was not so interested in him and I felt he was trying to flirt with me. “I am not a flirt by the way….” Can people like read my mind….everyone do that only to me.
“No I am not…..like I didn’t even take it that way” I tried to be as truthful as possible.
He smiles and says “You can call me Jason” That name was nice…seemed well even though I don’t like him. “SO, why did you come here?” he asks…. “Why do you care? I think I am being a bit rude so I made up a story to make the situation pleasant….. “No I mean I came….here because…Um…I…I….yeah! I was…was given an assign….assignment….for…” Sometimes I feel I am not even good at lying or maybe I am worst in it but I think he’s gonna believe me.
“I think you are that kind of person who is not good at speaking lies” he says and he guessed it right.
I hate myself! I don’t even know what I do sometimes.
“You can speak the truth if you want….I promise I’ll keep it a secret….” I felt there was truth in his words somehow…I had trust in him but I am not a really outspoken person so I keep quiet for some time.
“I….I was actually frustrated….” I said because I wanted to share at least a bit of my feelings to make my mind cool.
“Still upset about last week?” he says “No! I mean why...Why do you need…I told you the reason why I came here right? Then what else do you need!” I am so sorry Jason I don’t have anything against you…I wanted to say these word but right now I am so disturbed that I can’t even say a word which is pleasant.
Actually the main reason why I am not trying to make friends with him because I am fed up with making friends…In my life I have never found proper friends so I decided to stay alone.
“Hey Jason….um…Uh do you have best friends…?” Obviously the answer would be yes and why am I asking these questions by the way….
“Yeah I did have…”
“You did…?” I ask…because he has to use do not did if he has best friends…It can be either two things 1) He’s poor in English or 2)I heard him wrong.
“Um yeah…I did” he says. Option 1….but why? He doesn’t look like a person who has no friends…
“You don’t have friends?” To speak the truth I was curious.
He laughs and says “NO…I do have friends” sometimes I feel I act crazy.
“Leave it anyways…oh its 6:30 I think I gotta leave…” I had to leave but I didn’t feel like….but I had to. I started to leave
“Hey Mells remember one thing…” he says
“What?” I say but this time I was a bit polite
“Whenever you are stuck in some trouble….Jason’s always present here at your service” he says and it’s really so sweet of him to say that…no one has ever told this to me anytime.
“Sure” I say and leave with a smile.
Today was the day of conclusions and the fight with Martha was actually not her fault…she asked me about josh just to make sure I don’t have any problem if she likes him (well is that even a question)….so, obviously I don’t have any trouble, I said “go ahead” and a smile to make sure that I was really happy and this showed the concern she was giving to me.
I think all the credit to make me happy goes to Jason again…..and when I wonder about Jenna….what has happened between both of them…when I heard this news I felt sorry for myself and at some corner in my heart I felt sorry for Josh because we sacrificed our friendship for her…he liked Jenna so much.
While I was leaving…I found Sandra with two of her friends…when I tried to leave she stopped and asked me if I was free…I said yeah…so she said “Will you mind if we talk for a minute?” for which I said ok.
She took me to the washroom but I was confident that she wouldn’t hurt me because I have done nothing…I am not even his friend now. *hits* “die you ass!” she says. “But…but what did I do? Sandra!”
*hits again* “you are the reason why I broke up with josh!” with that hit I fall on the ground and two of her friends grab hold of me! One of them holds a blade and hands it over to Sandra!
“OUCH! Sandra stop doing this! It HURTS!” *cuts on my arms* “This time I am not gonna forgive you!” she says and tries to hit me again but I defend myself and hit her instead….actually I punch her…
“How dare you hit me? Now take this!” *strikes on the face* I burst into tears because the pain was not bearable!
After beating me for about 15 minutes they leave….
After lying down for a while I got up slowly and left the washroom….Martha comes on my way.
“Mells! Are you okay?” she asks for which I say “I am fine”
“Your limping…..this is not good! Tell me who did this! I am not going to leave them!” she says
“Don’t do anything! Promise me!” I say because I didn’t want it to go any further…
“But look at you!” she says and rests my hand on her shoulder….
“No Martha! Promise me you won’t!” I scream to make Martha calm
“Ok but next time if it repeats I am not gonna leave them!”She says and we leave to home I even told her not to tell anything about this to my family for which she reluctantly says “Fine but take care of yourself, call me in the morning…I’ll take you to school” she said and leaves me at home….she’s such a good friend of mine…I doubted her….gosh!
As I knock the door I find aunt MIYA (Sandra’s mom) in my house and when I came into the house she looked at my mom and said “Mrs. Rogers I hope you will look into the matter”
Does she even know what her daughter has done to me?
I think she came here to tell her about how I beat her daughter up….Jenna you are no less…
After she leaves MOM asks me “Mells! Is this what I taught you in your whole life? How could you hurt her so bad?”
“But MOM it was…” I try to defend myself
“NOT A WORD JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM!” she says and I do so.
I burst into tears after I enter my room….darn it! I hit her on the face….they hit me on my arm and feet….my wounds won’t be seen *knocks* I angrily open the door and I find my sister.
“Can I enter…?” She asks me. She was never this polite with me…maybe mom sent her to ask me about what happed at school but I allow her in… After a while of silence
“Mells I know it’s not your mistake….but just tell me what is the problem?”
“NO sis I am not gonna tell anyone about the incident…”
“Ok then…I think you are not in a mood to explain…” she says and leaves
I skipped my dinner last night….Dad was the only one who truly believed that I didn’t do anything…I was getting ready to meet Jason…he is only one who can understand my pain.
“Hey MELLS nice to see you…” he says
I sit for a while and all of a sudden tears roll out of my eyes…..just like the first time we met.
He turns towards me and asks “What’s the matter?” for which I reply “I am always blamed! Even for the mistakes didn’t do”
“Then why are you sitting and crying over here? Do something!” he says to encourage me.
“You don’t know anything about her!”I say
“All the bullies are the same…” he says and this point is the truth but what do I do to defend myself. I told him about everything which happened…for which he said “So why are you hiding it? Are you the main reason why they broke up?” for which I angrily say “How can you say that! What do you even know about me?”
“Relax Mells…think about what to do and how to solve the problem…” he says tries to relax me a bit.
After thinking for a while I got an idea which was a bit too obvious but it would work well for her.
“Thanks Jason! I’ll meet you soon tomorrow! Bye!” I say and leave.
“Bye! Take care!?