Your Attitude - Your Self-Esteem by Teresa King - HTML preview

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hopscotch on your sidewalk and use an old bobby pin for a marker, and, if you can walk, then all you need is to dress properly for the weather and walk.

If you watch television, do some twists and bends during the commercial breaks.

Every little bit helps. Tests have shown that 30 minutes per day of exercise is very beneficial, and more tests have proven that three, ten minute spurts of exercise are very close to the same benefit.

The object to any aerobic program is to get into “air.” Getting into air is simply walking long enough, or fast enough to get to the point where talking is a little harder to do. That’s in “air.” For a healthy person getting in air, could take 30

minutes of fast walking, for an unhealthy person, it could be a few minutes.

Keep it up.

Rejuvenate yourself. Get old tapes that you listened to when you were a teenager and start dancing. I expect to see some “Twist and Shout” and

“Do the Monster Mash.” All the way, to Lawrence Welk and a good old fashioned waltz. If you are too young to remember that stuff, then how about getting busy with “The Hustle.” If you are too young to remember that one, then you are on your own, as I have not kept up with what the really young dance to, but you get the idea. Put some music on and move that body.

Grab your partner and take a dance class. Take up karate. Start right now and do something to improve your health.

Don’t think you have time to add exercise to your life? I bet if you really wanted to improve your health badly enough, you will make time. Do something and start right now. Stretch!

WATER

FUELING UP ON WATER

It's our body's vital fuel, a health drink from nature. It's calorie-free, inexpensive and easily obtained. Yet few people follow the old fashioned advice to drink eight glasses of water a day. You also need an extra glass of water for every ten pounds you are overweight.

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Most people drink when they are thirsty, but the beverage of choice tends to be some other drink besides water. Americans drink two or three glasses of plain water a day, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture survey conducted in the late 1970s. Based on an analysis of all fluid in take by adults, it is said to total about two quarts of water a day, and this includes water from foods and from other beverages. It's not usually necessary to actually swallow two quarts of plain water every day. However, people with special problems such as kidney conditions might be exceptions.

Americans drink eight gallons of bottled water a year, roughly two ounces or a quarter-cup a day, according to the International Bottled Water Association.

Californians drink three times the national average of bottled water, downing 24

gallons a year, or nearly a cup a day. Climate and seasons of the year play a role in one's thirst also, and just as we tend to perspire more in the summer months, we also tend to drink more water.

Boosting intake of plain water makes good sense, many experts concur, because water eases digestion and regulates body temperature. Water also bathes the cells and accounts for about 60 percent of body weight. And it can help us exercise longer and more efficiently. Drinking water can ward off constipation and maybe even crankiness. And since it's a natural appetite suppressant, water can help us lose weight and keep it off. It can help keep skin healthy, although it won't necessarily banish acne.

Who should drink water? We all should, but pregnant women, nursing mothers and athletes should be especially careful to drink a sufficient amount. When it is hot or humid, upping water intake is also wise. There are certain workers who seem to have a more difficult time developing the water-drinking habit. Among those who don't normally drink enough water are teachers, airline attendants and nurses.

Drinking fluids, particularly, water, during exercise reduces cardiovascular stress and improves performance. After a strenuous workout, you have to replace the fluids you have lost. Otherwise, you will suffer chronic dehydration. Drink water before, during and after exercising, and remember that water reduces body temperature thus making the whole exercise process safer.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Water can be especially helpful for people with a history of kidney stones because it dissolves calcium in the urine, reducing the risk of stone formation.

Among physicians, urologists are probably most likely to extol the virtues of water. And it has been documented that drinking water mostly before 6 P.M. can reduce the likelihood of nocturnal bathroom visits.

It is interesting to note also that water helps prevent urinary tract infections, both for men and for women. Too busy to count how many glasses a day you drink?

There are other ways to calculate if your intake is sufficient. Dark-colored urine often suggests you aren't drinking enough water. Get into the habit by starting with a glass of water with every meal, then work in a cup between meals.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Chapter 8 Learn how to Give and

Receive

“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?” Stephen Levine

Accepting and Giving Compliments

Do you love compliments, or do you get uncomfortable when you get them? Do you immediately deny the compliment?

“Gee, that dress looks good on you.”

“Oh, this old rag.”

“I really like that poem your wrote.”

“ Really, do you think I should change any of it?”

When a person gives you a compliment. A simple thank you is in order.

“You look great in blue, it really brings out your eyes.”

“Thank you.”

“I love that dressing you put on the salad.”

“Thank you. My grandmother taught me how to make that.”

See, how truly easy that is. It’s simple.

Do you take time to give compliments?

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The next time you see something you like, don’t just think it. Say it!

Think about the people in your life that readily give compliments. Think about deep down how it makes you feel good (when you are not in denial toward the compliment). Think about how when someone notices and remarks on how well you are doing at your job, how well you did on a test, or how great you made a dinner.

Don’t withhold compliments. When you think them, tell the person.

If it is not normal for you to think good things about others do stop and look. Is there something that you can honestly say that is positive to another person? Say it. It doesn’t bite back. It might feel unnatural at first, but after a few trials, you will see that sparkle in someone’s eyes. You will see your friends, and your children strive to do better for you. All because of a simple few words that you took the time to say something complimentary.

How about giving and receiving? Is it hard for you to accept a gift?

Do you say, “Oh, you shouldn’t have?”

How about, “Thank you. This is perfect, how very thoughtful of you to think of me.”

Most people love to give. It makes them feel good to give. To chastise them for giving, even when you are doing it out of habit is like throwing cold water into someone’s face.

Be gracious, enjoy being cared about, and accept the gift. Life is good!

How about the “buts” in life? You did a good job, but……

Your hair looks nice, but…….

I like that color, but……

“Buts,” can make people cringe at what is coming next and totally wipe out the compliment that you just gave.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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You can use “but” when the criticism is constructive. How can you tell if your criticism is constructive or destructive? It’s easy. If you cannot help or are not willing to help with the solution, then it is not constructive criticism.

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.”

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Chapter 9 Work Shop

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finding what caused your negative Attitudes- Work Shop

Attitude: Manner, disposition, feeling, position toward a person or thing.

Ruin: the downfall, decay or destruction of something.

Negative attitudes can ruin you. It isn't enough to say, "think positive".

Sometimes one has to trace back to where it all started to go wrong.

The point where your attitude changed for the worse we will call a "ruin", because to some degree it was brought about by downfall, decay or destruction of yourself.

Let's assume that the natural healthy state of mind is positive, cheerful and effective. Many of us feel that way most of the time. Some don't. All of us have times when we feel less than up to par.

So let us think of "ruin" as an inability, rather than something that was done to you. We don't have to buy into the victim mentality that is so often foisted upon us. Let us look at this from an attitude of taking charge of yourself; that is, taking charge of your own life. It isn't, "I'm the way I am because my father and mother both died when I was young.”

It is more that when you found that both father and mother were gone, you felt inadequate in some way. Maybe you felt helpless, or lost. Or maybe you were Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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inconsolable.

You were unable to do anything about it. So when you look at that moment in time you are looking for two things, the inability you felt you had at that time, and an attitude you developed to compensate for it.

Not everyone has such a disastrous beginning in life, but most of us have had upsets here and there. Picking up the last time you were badly upset can be painful to remember, but if instead of feeling victimized, you look for an inability, an inadequacy that you had at the time, and put that into words it can be a good place to start. There are probably far more ruins, or inabilities, than there are people.

So you find that last upset and look for what inability of yours was present then. Put it into words. If it is your "ruin" you will find it present in similar situations throughout your life. You will find that you feel the effect of this. You may even realize that if you don't do something about it that you may get worse. You may feel a need to change this condition.

At that moment of ruin, you still wanted to survive. There was something that you did to compensate for your inability, perhaps to cover up the fact of that weakness, or to deny it.

You came up with an Attitude. Attitude now with a capital "A" to distinguish it from the many different attitudes you have about different things on a daily basis.

The inability you had then is the key to viewing the Attitude, because you may not even know you have an Attitude that is affecting your self-esteem or relationships badly. You do know it because other people keep pointing out that you are "so sad" "so angry" or "so reserved, “ but you have no idea how it came about or how to change it. It becomes the "it's just the way I am" attitude about Attitude." No matter what inability you had then, (and perhaps still have now) it is the defense mechanism you created afterwards that everyone else reads as "Attitude" that is ruining you now.

By the way, Attitude with a capital "A" is always negative in this workshop.

Here is an example. Little Johnny goes to school every day and has to pass Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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the house of Brutus, who is a bully. Johnny gets pushed around frequently, not really physically hurt, but generally mistreated and downgraded. "You stupid little runt, you couldn't hold your own with a girl."

Johnny feels the effect of all of this, and he also feels that he is unable in some way to cope in this situation. Perhaps he feels an inability to stand up for himself. It is hard enough facing the bully, but to have to face himself and his inability to stand up for himself really begins to ruin him.

He goes home and complains to Dad, who tells him to fight it out next time the bully comes by.

Well, Johnny knows he can't do that so he develops an Attitude. He solves this problem by walking three extra blocks to school to avoid the bully. He develops an Attitude of avoidance.

You see Johnny years later. He has a little trouble looking you in the eye.

If you try to give him a job to do that you know he isn't going to enjoy, somehow it gets set aside until last, or, he passes it on to another to do.

You use your own words to describe Johnny to your friends. "He has a sort of creepy attitude" you say, "not really someone to help you out in a pinch." You instinctively distrust him.

Johnny's boss comes around and points out that he is being slack in getting his work done. Does Johnny straighten up and fly right? No, not if he has a core "Attitude". He may do the work sooner or later, but mostly later because he is trying to avoid it. Consciously Johnny may say to himself, "I better get my act together and get this work done", but he will start it, and then start to avoid it. The Attitude has become ingrained. That is why I spell it with a capital "A".

The Attitude tends to stick to one. A person wears it on his shirt sleeve, so to speak, like a man in love. You see Attitude in the way people walk, and talk, look at you, or move their hands. It isn't hard to see the other guy's Attitude. What is hard is to spot your own.

You say, "Someone says something to me, and I'm always on the defensive. I know it is a bad attitude, but I just keep on doing it." The Attitude can't release until one has at least spotted what was going on in life before the Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Attitude started. That is why you look for the ruin. The ruin was the inability one felt one had during a time of upset or loss. The Attitude was how he resolved the problem.

"Get over it" may be good advice, but it is also an attitude. It just barely makes the grade of a positive attitude. It is the pushy sort of attitude one does to ward off the whining and complaining of others.

An attitude is always an attempt to survive. Problem is, Attitude with a capital A is always a wrong answer, a bad habit pattern.

Okay, so this is a self-help book, so you need to look, if you can, at your own "ruin." Find a recent upset. Find out what inability you had, then put it into your own words. Look back across your life at similar type of upsets, and find out if that same inability was present in all the situations. If not, look for another upset and find an inability you had at that time, put it into words and see if that inability traces back to earlier incidents in your lifetime.

Finding the inability that is "ruining" you, putting it into words so you can clearly define it, can help put you back in control. This same type of situation is probably still affecting you. It becomes a downward spiral and it will get worse unless you take steps to change it.

Finding your "ruin", that is, the inability you have/had rather than blaming others is a first step in recovery. The next step is to spot the Attitude you developed to compensate for that inability.

People do overcome these inabilities. Sometimes they just grow out of them.

There was this lady who told me about a reunion years after she graduated High School. This one male classmate came forward, shook her hand and was genuinely glad to see her. "Things have sure changed," she mentioned.

"When you were in school I thought you didn't like me. You always seemed to have a chip on your shoulder." The classmate moved closer to her, partly covered his mouth with his hand and said quietly, "I was shy."

Maybe if it had been put in terms of an inability he might have said, "I had an inability to talk to girls" or some such thing. The Attitude used to handle that inability, a chip on the shoulder, a macho man. Not him at all. At least not the man he grew to be, a positive, effective man who could Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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admit his weaknesses and get on with life.

Not everyone is so lucky to outgrow his Attitudes. Some people spend years trying to whittle away at them. Spotting the ruin that preceded the Attitude may not be the entire solution, but it is a step in the right direction. It always helps to know "why the Attitude". Just remember to look at it from the view of inability, rather than blaming the other person.

That alone is progress.

Once you recognize a pattern, and you will, your cognition will have no boundaries once you recognize and realize that all you need to do is turn that negative inability into a positive ability. You can turn around what has been going wrong. You can find that pattern and change it!

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Chapter 10 The Stairs to Recovery

Did you know that changing your thinking and believing that you will be successful is the root of all successful change?

“As long as you’re going to be thinking anyway, THINK BIG.”

Donald Trump

Get a Support System

There are a lot of online support groups for recovering from a problem. The first thing that you need to realize, no matter how strong you think you are, if you have a severe problem, you need to allow others to help you.

Yes, you may have been hurt. Yes, your experiences may cause you to distrust.

However, whatever problem you have, the chances are you were feeling helpless or alone in the first place. Now, you don’t have to be alone, and you can learn and grow so much with a support group.

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” Emily Kimbrough

If a support group does not fit in with what you feel you need, then consider choosing one person that you do know and trust.

Make a list of all the people you know. People you work with, family, friends, teachers, an online friend. Now, cross out the people who will not be helpful.

These would be people who are not too concerned with the problems you face.

Next cross out those you know you can’t trust.

Now, start putting check marks on your list of those you trust.

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If you don’t trust anyone, then put a check mark next to people you think you might be able to trust.

Build your own support group, even if you have to do it one person at a time, until you have what you need. You don’t have to be alone. You don’t have to be brave, tough and super strong. There is no shame in asking for help. People love to help; give them a chance to help you.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Chapter 11 Against the Odds - Harness

Those Darn Urges

When you are trying to improve

yourself, and you make up your

mind that you are going to stop a

behavior that just is not good for

you, whether, it is drinking,

drugging, smoking, promiscuous

sex, food bingeing, food purging,

gambling or anything else. You

are going to get urges!

Accept that you are going to get urges. Urges can come on strong or light. It all depends on what is triggering the urge. KNOW that the more urges you resist that eventually, they will not be as strong, until one day, you will say to yourself,

“Hey, I did not have an urge.” Then it might come again six days, later, but notice that each time the urge is easier and easier to conquer.

“Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” Anonymous

We can take smoking as an example.

You decide not to smoke, for four hours you have not smoked, you have done wonderfully then that horrid craving comes on. Your urge to smoke is what you think is unbearable.

The urge is not unbearable. It is manifested in your mind that it is a MOUNTAIN

to climb rather than a bump. Treat each urge as a bump, and not a mountain.

Positive control and thinking can get you over the bump, for “this too shall pass.”

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Whatever you are going to decide to change, such as quitting drinking, you are going to have a struggle. The first few weeks that you make up your mind that you are not going to fall down on your resolve, you need to do things to help you get over the big BUMP.

These things can be avoidance. Avoid people who drink, avoid people who smoke, avoid actions that cause you to want to drink or smoke.

For me, on smoking, I absolutely had to stay away from the phone. A cigarette urge in the beginning was too strong for me to cope with a phone call.

So, I would tell the caller, sorry, no phone calls for a couple of weeks, until I get a grip on this area in my life that I want to improve.

Coffee and beer were other triggers. I drank tea, and water. I stayed away from all alcohol and any social gathering where there would be smoking, until my battle with urges was under better control. If you can be around those that are doing the habit you are trying to break, then more power to you. I could not.

Stress and getting angry were more triggers. I stayed away from people who tend to get my dander up. Eventually, with a strong desire and a strong resolve, I became smoke free.

To change a bad habit takes determination, and yes, I failed and went out one day and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes. My urge ran up or my stress was so high that I slid back. The next morning, I began with more resolve than before.

I thought of what I would buy with the money I saved on cigarettes.

I visualized being a non-smoker, and the first thing I did was tell myself, I am not a smoker. From this minute forward I don’t smoke. I am not a smoker. I kept at that, and yes, the first few weeks were hard. I am not perfect. I balled up paper and threw it against the wall. I kept telling myself, “This too shall pass.”

I raged at the television, as I sat to watch as some actor lit a cigarette.

ARRGH, and I’d turn off the television, and I would go for a walk, if it was dark at night, I would drive to a store, and browse and walk to get away from seeing cigarette smokers.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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If I can do it, I know you can change any bad habit that you want to change, and that is the absolute key to changing any habit. You must really, really want to quit that bad habit, with your whole heart and soul. And, you need support to help you get through those bad days.

I changed a bad smoking habit into a good walking habit. How about that?

Support for me, was my family and friends not insisting I talk to them on the phone, and my smoking friends to not smoke around me and cut their visits short. My friends would go on walks with me. People who accept that you are determined to meet your goal, and will respect your decision and have faith that you will reach your goal are good support friends to have in life.

I don’t care if you want to change a bingeing habit for eating, or if you want to not use drugs or you want to quit caffeine, some habits are harder to give up than others, some will be a life time determination. It doesn’t matter what the bad habit is, you can take control of your own life. When you decide that you have had enough of the bad habit, you can meet with success.

So, when you want to change, write down the triggers that cause you to do the habit you want to stop or change. Don’t place the blame on others. Take control of that change. Do stay away from “the others” that trigger your emotions that help cause the defeat, and keep a journal. Your journal will be able to help you discover the very triggers that I am talking about.

It is not someone else’s fault that you smoke, or you drink/drug, gamble, have eating binges, starve yourself, or are heavy. It is not someone else’s fault that you procrastinate, or stay up late all the time, or bite your nails. No one else can change you, and you cannot change others. Accept that, and reaching your goals will be way easier. If using drugs/drinking is your problem and you find that you make excuses, such as ‘Oh, that, I’m sorry, I was drinking.”

Remember, there is no excuse for what you did when you were not sober.

You were sober when you decided to take a drink, and you were sober when you knew that when you drink you would probably do something unacceptable. The responsibility starts before you take that first drink. It is a good reason to not drink.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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When you need to soothe yourself, and decide to go on a shopping spree, when your credit cards are pushed to the hilt, and you know it is hurting your credit ratings and upsetting a spouse, you know you need to change that behavior and change a bad habit for a good habit.

Yes, you will run into those that will try to sabotage your efforts.

There are those that sabotage. They may not even realize what they are doing, or maybe they do. The spouse that brings you candies to eat, when you are on a diet and the friend who brings the “bottle.”

“Oh, come on, so you are a little fat, you are under stress, a little candy is not going to hurt. I love you just the way you are. “ OR “Oh, come on you’ve had a bad hair day, let’s have a few drinks and relax.”

They are well meaning friends that you don’t need when you are fighting urges and setting goals to remove bad habits out of your life.

Don’t blame them if you fall back on your resolve. Just accept that you cannot change their behavior. So either stay away from them or expect the bumps and be firm and learn to say NO. Better yet, have supportive friends around you for as much as you need them, especially when the one who is trying to pull you down is around.

Remember, the one who is offering you the no, no’s in your life, is very afraid of change, too. If you get to your desired weight, how will it affect the other person?

If you quit drinking, your drinking buddy has lost a drinking buddy.

Okay, so you have tried to quit your bad habit, maybe once, maybe a hundred times and each time you failed. That was then; this is now. If your habit is a very addictive one like cocaine, or drinking and you are sure you will end up physically sick in your recovery, then you need to get serious about getting professional help to get you off those drugs.

If you just drink too much and can go several days before you get drunk and let the drink control your life, then you can quit without physical sickness.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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When a habit threatens your health, such as cigarettes, or being obese, or you are anorexic, or purging your food or when a bad habit such as drinking is out of control, then you need to face reality, and get out of denial and take control of your life. You can do it.

If you have several bad habits I would really suggest that you choose the most dangerous one such as: Alcohol vs. smoking. Alcohol would be your immediate choice. When that is under control and you feel ready to face another one, then go ahead.

Trying to do too much at one time can set you up for failure. Be kind to yourself and try not to bite off more than you can chew at one time, but do bite off something!

“The only people that fail in their endeavors are those who quit prematurely or simply never try at all.” Anonymous

Remember, changing your thinking and believing that you will be successful, is the root of all successful change. Take control of your life.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Chapter 12 The fun Game to Play

This is a fun thing to do to find out a little about you. You will use your imagination and pretend.

Here we go. Remember this is not real. I am not going to give you a house. ☺

Get out paper and write down your answers.

Okay…

I have decided to give you a house. Don’t ask me why, I just feel like it.

You get three choices of a house.

A small house, a large house or a medium sized house.

Which will you choose?

This house will be on an ocean, a lake or a stream.

Choose one.

You are happy you have your house, but I ask that you put a vase in the entry to your house. Will it be a big vase, small vase or medium vase? Choose one Okay, now you are in your house and you are looking out at the landscape, and you decide to go for a walk. You walk and walk and see a lovely field of flowers and sit down to admire them. As you sit you find a key.

Do you keep the key, or leave the key?

Next, you go off in another direction and WOW you find a dark mansion… it is kind of scary looking, there is an locked gate and lots of over grown weeds, do you go in?

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Oh, well, its time to go home now, so you walk back to the house, and go in then remember you did not inspect your new back yard. You go out the back door, and just as you go out, you see a bear. He doesn’t look very friendly.

You may try to feed him, and you may try to get back in your house, but the door has slammed shut and now you are there with the bear.

What do you do?

So you are thinking and while you are thinking, the bear comes toward you. He is a BIG BEAR and he looks really mean, so you decide to move away from him.

He begins to follow you. You begin to run. You see a fence.

What do you do?

Now that you have all the answers ready: Here is your fun evaluation: If you chose a large house you don’t know where you are going.

If you chose a medium house you are basically a content person If you chose a small house, you know exactly where you are going If you chose an Ocean, you don’t know where you are going, but you are going.

If you chose a Stream -You are going with the flow - easy going If you chose the Lake - You are content in life

If you chose a large vase you like to get attention

If you chose a medium vase you are of normal ego

If you chose a small vase, you are of little ego, and probably insecure If you picked up the key, you will notice when opportunity is knocking If you went back for the key to get into the house, you are practical If you went into the house, you are adventuress and daring, and fun loving If you stayed out of the house, you are cautious and/or have a regard for other people’s property.

With the bear, if you climbed the fence you believe in afterlife.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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If you did not climb the fence, you do not believe in afterlife.

I will volunteer my answers.

I chose a large house, ocean, large vase, I took the key, I explored that scary old house, I tried talking to the bear and feeding him. The bear did not listen and I could not get back into the door to find him any food, so I jumped that fence.

In case you are one who jumped the fence and can’t imagine just standing there.

I did have one fellow years ago with whom I played this game. He did not jump the fence. I was surprised. So, I asked are you sure? He said, “I am definitely not going to climb that fence.” When it came down to what it meant to not go over that fence, that he did not believe in an afterlife, he said, “Wow, that test is cool.

I don’t believe in an afterlife.”

When my kids were small, they got to play this game and they picked various things. My oldest one had the same answers as mine. My middle son picked a medium house and a lake.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Chapter 13 Your Attitude - Your Job

A positive attitude at your work place can bring you respect, admiration and promotions. Do you work at a job where you have people who are negative?

Are you negative in your work place?

Keeping positive about your job and doing the best that you can is the best way to getting recognition. By refusing to listen to negative talk and or joining in, you will surprise yourself how much better you feel about yourself.

Gossiping about co-workers, or the boss is all negativity that you do not need in your life or on the job. Keep positive. If you don’t like to be gossiped about, then it is best not to join in gossip about someone else.

When you attitude is positive and you decide to do the best you can at the job you are doing, you will be amazed at how much more you can produce. Just stay away from people who interrupt you, talk badly about others and in many ways are not going anywhere. You are going somewhere, and that is what is important.

Your Attitude - Your Family

A positive attitude with your family can bring healthier relationships and a happier home life. Your family is probably the most important thing in your life.

Learning about parenting, and how to improve your marriage is a great step toward a happier healthier home life. Get those communications open and learn all that you can about how to improve your marriage.

Get negative people out of your life. Yes, it will take some doing. Almost every family has a negative person, and it is very hard to get away from family, however, you can keep watch that you don’t let a negative person drain you, and you can plan your visits around people you do want to be around.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Cut out the Clutter and Clear Your Stress

When you are not in the habit of putting things in their proper place you end up with trying to remember where things are.

You get clutter in every single day. Junk mail, newspapers, grocery receipts and junk mail in your bills. You have coupons that you are saving, pictures, extra batteries, tools, and in it all comes.

If you don't have a place where you keep each thing, you are adding stress to your life.

Take this scenario, you are running around in the morning, you know you set your keys somewhere. You can't find your purse, your wallet, the sweater that you were sure was hanging in your closet.

You pull open a drawer and start hunting frantically, then you try to shove it shut, but it is stuffed full and won't shut.

MORE STRESS

One of your kids, says, "Dad, I can't find my other shoe!"

More Stress

You are shaving, and you can't find where you put that new package of razors, so you nick yourself with the old, dull one.

More Stress

You are trying to stir the oatmeal, but can't find the serving spoon; you know it was washed.

More Stress

Little Johnny can't find his coat. Little Sally can't find the spare toothpaste.

How did you end up out of toilet paper!?

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This is truly not a very healthy way to start your day. It begins with a lot of little stressful situations that you can avoid in your life by simply organizing and creating a habit so that you have only one junk drawer, and you have a place for everything and everything is in its place.

Imagine...

Kids school work in a special place, a bulletin board, a large calendar, an in, out, and pending box.

A file for bills to be paid

A file for bills already paid

A file for pending projects

A great big trash can for junk

Imagine

A place just for serving spoons

A place for batteries

A place for spare light bulbs

A place for spare flash lights.

Imagine...

Having your clothes ready for the next day, and a spare set in case of being burped up on.

THERE is nothing wrong with wearing an apron. Call it old-fashioned if you will; however, aprons save you stress.

MEN can wear aprons, too. Maybe not the flowery ones, however there are nice butcher type aprons that are quite masculine. It is a new day and age where men do help with the kids far more than their forefathers did. Kids get sticky fingers, and when you cook, grease splatters. Get covered up and save yourself the stress of having to change clothes at the last minute.

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How about those clothes in your closet? Are you waiting to get back into them?

Box them up, or give them to charity.

How about clothes you have not worn in over 18 months?

Give them to charity.

How about suits you have not put on in 5 years. What are they waiting for?

Moths?

That old broken toy you were going to fix 4 years ago and it is still sitting there.

DUMP it!

Do you have unused exercise equipment? Have a yard sale, and when it is done, give the rest to charity.

Have your kids outgrown clothes? If you are saving for another child, great, box them up, until it is time. If you are not going to have another child... have a yard sale, give them to someone who needs them, or again, fill up a charity box.

If you are really in a disaster, don't get over whelmed, take a corner at a time until everything in your house is organized. Teach your kids to put things back where they belong.

When new things come in, get rid of the old. Keep the house, your shop, your garage nice and neat.

Yes, it is not always convenient to put something back, but it does not take any more time than the ten minutes here and the ten minutes there, trying to find what you are looking for.

If you work at home, SEPARATE your work from the rest of the family. If you work at home and you have kids answering your business phone then you either have to teach the little ones not to answer the phone and the older ones to be professional, or spend the extra $20.00 per month and get a phone that only you will answer.

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Speaking of answering phones. When you are overly busy and harried, you can let the answering machine pick up the phone for you. You never want a customer to think you are too busy to help them.

Your Attitude - Your Goals

A positive attitude toward becoming successful toward your goals will bring you your goal. It’s true, when you make a goal, and you think, “I can’t.” It can hurt the final result. Sometimes, when trying to reach a goal, you can get interrupted or go off to do something else. However, you must stay focused to reach the goal you want and to know that you CAN get there.

If you want to create an extra income, you can manage your time better: How to Reorganize Your Time

Almost everyone needs or wants more money coming in, and with this desire most would like to start some sort of extra income-producing project. The trouble is, not many of these people seem able to fit "a second job" into their time schedules.

It's true that most people are busy, but extra time for some sort of home-based extra income-producing project can almost always be found. It may mean giving up or changing a few of your favorite pastimes - such as having a couple of beers with the guys or watching TV - but if you score big with your extra income project, you will have all the time you want for doing whatever you want to do.

The first thing to do is to sit down with pencil and paper and list your daily schedule. What time do you wake up? Then step-by-step, list everything you do each day. Most people will find that they have about three hours each day that can be utilized in a more constructive or efficient manner. As we've noted above, you may have to give up the time you waste in your local pub or a few television programs you watch, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Efficient time management boils down to planning what you're going to do, and then doing it without backtracking. Start by making a list of the things you want to do tomorrow, each evening before you go to bed. Schedule your trips to the store or where ever to coincide with the other things you have to do, and with Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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your trips to or from work. Organize your trips to take care of as many things as possible while you're out of the house. Take stock of the time you spend standing around shooting the breeze - especially the time you spend on the telephone - and eliminate all that isn't necessary.

Whatever chores you have to do at home, set aside a specific time to do them, and a specific amount of time to devote to them. For instance, just one hour a day devoted to yard work would probably make your property the envy of all your neighbors. Don't try to do a week's work in one big flurry. Whether it's painting your house, fixing leaky faucets, or mowing your lawn and trimming your shrubs, do a part of it, or one particular job each day - you'll be amazed at your progress.

Take care of all your mail the day you receive it. Don't let those bills and letters pile up on you. If you're unable to pay a bill immediately, file it in a special place that's visible, and note on the envelope the date you intend to pay it.

Answer your letters the same day you get them.

The important thing is to think of time as your most valuable asset, because it is.

So organize! Decide what you have to do, and what you want to do. From there, it's just a matter of arranging priorities.

Once you start listing and planning what you want to do, and then carry out your plans, you'll find plenty of "extra time" for handling virtually any kind of home-based income-producing project. People in general may not like routines or schedules, but without some sort of plan as to what is supposed to be done, the world would be mired in mass confusion.

Laws, ordinances and regulations are for the purpose of guiding people. We live according to an accepted plan or way of life, and the better we can organize our life, the more productive and happy we become.

The secret of all financially successful people is simply that they are organized and do not waste time. Think about it. Review your own activities, and then see if you can't find a couple of extra hours in each day for more constructive accomplishments.

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When you begin planning, and then when you really become involved in an extra income-producing endeavor, you should work it exactly as you have organized your regular day-to-day activities - on a time-efficient basis. Do what has to be done immediately. Don't try to get done in an hour something that's realistically going to take a week. Plan out on paper what you have to do - what you want to do - and when you are going to do it. Then get right on each project without procrastination.

Finally, and above all else, when you're organizing your time and your business, be sure to set aside some time for relaxation. Be sure to schedule time when you and your spouse can be together. You must not involve yourself in anything to an extent that you exclude other people - particularly your loved ones - from your life.

Taking stock of the time you waste each day, and from there, reorganizing your activities is what it's all about. It's a matter of becoming more efficient in the use of your time. It's really easy to do, and you will not only accomplish a lot more, you will also find greater fulfillment in your life.

Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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Chapter 14 Visualization Meditation

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Michael Jordan

Do you know that you can tap into the power of your mind through simple techniques using meditation?

I'm not talking about someone sitting yoga style with a long white beard and a turban on his head. I am not talking about something that is easy to learn, and can change your life in fantastic ways.

Here is a special report from Bryan Kumar on

“Visualization” which is added to this book with his permission.

Visualization

Visualization has been given a bad name by many who tried it and didn't get the results they wanted.

The problem is not with visualization; it's the lack of understanding of the term, and the process, that is the problem.

Visualization works amazingly well when you do it right, and it can be used to create just about anything that you want in your life.

After researching, studying and experimenting with visualization for many years, I have found the following process to produce the best results: Copyright © 2003 Teresa King

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1. Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed for at least 5 to 15 minutes.

Your bedroom would be ideal. You may want to unplug the phone and lock the door so there are absolutely no interruptions. Pull the curtains to keep direct sunlight out and dim the lights if possible.

2. Lie down on your back and get comfortable. (Have loose, comfortable clothing on - nothing restrictive.)

3. Close your eyes. While keeping them closed, roll your eyes upward as if you're focusing on your forehead. Don't strain your eyes. Just roll them up as far as they can comfortably go.