The Old Bachelor HTML version

SCENE: The Street.
BELLMOUR, in fanatic habit, SETTER.
BELL. 'Tis pretty near the hour. [Looking on his watch.] Well, and how, Setter, hae,
does my hypocrisy fit me, hae? Does it sit easy on me?
SET. Oh, most religiously well, sir.
BELL. I wonder why all our young fellows should glory in an opinion of atheism, when
they may be so much more conveniently lewd under the coverlet of religion.
SET. S'bud, sir, away quickly: there's Fondlewife just turned the corner, and 's coming
this way.
BELL. Gad's so, there he is: he must not see me.
FOND. I say I will tarry at home.
BAR. But, sir.
FOND. Good lack! I profess the spirit of contradiction hath possessed the lad--I say I will
tarry at home, varlet.
BAR. I have done, sir; then farewell five hundred pound.
FOND. Ha, how's that? Stay, stay, did you leave word, say you, with his wife? With
Comfort herself?
BAR. I did; and Comfort will send Tribulation hither as soon as ever he comes home. I
could have brought young Mr. Prig to have kept my mistress company in the meantime.
But you say -
FOND. How, how, say, varlet! I say let him not come near my doors. I say, he is a
wanton young Levite, and pampereth himself up with dainties, that he may look lovely in
the eyes of women. Sincerely, I am afraid he hath already defiled the tabernacle of our
sister Comfort; while her good husband is deluded by his godly appearance. I say that