The Jody Wilson Stories by Bassam Imam - HTML preview

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"Please, I need to talk to you about something very important! But first, give me your word that you won't attack me, if I approach you," I said.

"Look, I'm so sad and depressed. I need to be useful to someone. I need a friend, really badly. Please, come here. Don't be afraid of me. I'll help you, if I can. But, be aware that I'm slightly handicapped," said the Bloodhound.

The Bloodhound invited me into his dog house, then, offered me a doggy bone. I declined.
"My name is Walter Hound. Officially, I'm a retiree. My owners are also retirees. The three of us worked for the Hudsonville Police Department.
Sadly, my owners' faculties are slipping away. So, if you need help in a police matter, you can only speak to me about it. Otherwise, you'll be wasting your time," said Walter.
Walter and I chatted for a few minutes. As soon as I remembered my purpose for the visit, I paused for a moment. Then, I went ahead and described my predicament to Walter.
Walter told me that he'd sniff through Dr. Forrester's yard, house, and garage; if need be. He suspected that there were many more victims on the premises. But, there was a condition. All the field work would have to be done while Dr. Forrester was out.
I informed Walter that Dr. Forrester was out, all day long, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.
Walter and I decided to conduct our field work the following Saturday. But, on the condition that I was ready to do whatever was necessary to bring Dr. Forrester to justice, if relevant evidence was found. I agreed to the condition.
I endured three days and three nights of extreme anxiety and tension. I pondered about what could go wrong: Dr. Forrester could go out for a short period of time, snatch a young woman, then proceed to destroy her.
Thankfully, I had a good friend with me. When it comes to sniffing for evidence, Bloodhounds rule.
On the following Saturday, I awakened with little appetite for food. In addition, my mouth was dry. By 6:00 P.M., I regained my appetite then ate and drank up a storm.
The thought of Dr. Forrester's arrest had engulfed my mind. He had to be thrown into the jaws of justice.
Dr. Forrester left his home at 8:45 P.M. As usual, he left alone. I couldn't imagine how Dr. Forrester would treat his wife. I mean, if he'd had one.
I waited until Dr. Forrester was out of the neighborhood before going to 1310 Wilmington Street.
I found Walter waiting for me at the perimeter of his lawn. A short while later, Walter and I went to Dr. Forrester's house. As soon as we were on the porch, I reminded Walter that the mission may cost us our lives.
After reviewing our game plan, Walter and I decided to backtrack. We began our sniffing in the yard. Although cats are all-round incredible animals, they can't 'sniff' as efficiently as most dog breeds can. Not to mention Bloodhounds.
It only took a short while before Walter found a mass grave in the back yard. It was amazing how easily Dr. Forrester evaded the authorities and his neighbors' suspicions. No wonder that most serial killers aren't captured until they've wreaked havoc on their society.
Dr. Forrester could fit into any middle class neighborhood. In addition, he had a fairly decent job. By golly, he was a freaking professional!
After finding the mass grave, Walter and I resumed our search. We ended up finding more dead bodies.
There were three barrels inside Dr. Forrester's garage. Indeed, the barrels seemed out of place. Walter and I pulled off the lids of the barrels. Then, we knocked the barrels onto the ground.
Inside each of the barrels was a partially decomposed human body. I can't tell you how stinky those bodies were. Walter and I had to run out of the garage. Otherwise, we would've puked our brains out! Really!
After a short rest, Walter and I returned to the garage. We understood that there was more work to do.
Walter and I determined that the three victims were preteen females. Perhaps, they were nine, or ten years-old. Walter and I looked at each other in utter shock. We figured that there was probably more bad news to come.
We didn't have to wait for long. Walter and I detected the scent of human semen. Upon closer examination, Walter and I noticed that there were signs of 'forced copulation' upon each of the three preteens. Not a very pretty sight. Dr. Forrester was a serial killer/sexual predator. As if being a serial killer isn't terrible enough.
Walter and I exited the garage then rested in the yard for ten minutes. Indeed, it was a well-needed rest. We had streams of tears running down our faces. Could anyone blame us for crying?
After our rest, Walter and I entered Dr. Forrester's house through the front door. Surprisingly, he never locked his door. He probably thought that he was the most evil person in the whole world. What did he have to fear from another criminal?
Upon entering Dr. Forrester's house, Walter motioned me to the basement. He became very anxious. Knowing that there was something hideous down there, we braced ourselves.
"Walter, do you think what Dr. Forrester showed me in the basement was only the tip of the iceberg? Please tell me before we go downstairs," I said.
"Jody, I smell rotting flesh! It has been decomposed and chopped-up into pieces. After I see this catastrophe, I'm calling Chief Carmella. He'll send over reinforcements," said Walter.
We went down to the basement. This time, there were five barrels in the corner. We tipped over all of the barrels. Thankfully, the lids weren't securely tightened.
The stench was terrible! If I'd been a human, puke would've poured out from all of my orifices. Walter was right. What we saw were slabs of flesh, blood, maggots, rot, and other disgusting stuff. It was a shocking sight!
Apparently, Dr. Forrester had forgotten to destroy the cadavers. This mistake would lead to at least five more charges of murder.
A short while later, Walter and I left the basement. Specifically, we went to the kitchen. Walter convinced me that calling Chief Carmella was the best option we had. I agreed.
Walter climbed up onto the kitchen table, then reached over and grabbed the phone. After calling the police and explaining to them what we'd seen, Walter put the phone down.
At that very moment, Dr. Forrester pulled his van into his driveway. A terrifying ordeal, indeed!
"Let's hide in my bedroom. My closet's large enough for a mammoth. We can wait it out until Dr. Forrester sleeps, or decides to go out again," I said.
Walter and I ran to my bedroom then we hid inside my closet. Our adrenaline levels shot up through the clouds. Any higher, and we would've passed out. Really!
Dr. Forrester entered his house then headed straight for the kitchen. Unfortunately, he noticed the craters in his yard.
"Jody, I know you're here! You and a stinking dog! You and your doggy friend must show yourselves. If you don't come out, I'll find you. Then, you'll both be in big trouble!" shouted Dr. Forrester.
Walter and I understood that we had to escape. Dr. Forrester had more than enough weaponry to easily kill us.
Walter and I exited my bedroom then headed to the front door. We assumed that Dr. Forrester would block the back door exit. Well, we were dead wrong! We should have known better. Dr. Forrester was a cunning little devil.
We could hear Dr. Forrester's feet pounding on the carpet. He was heading towards the front door.
Walter and I picked up our pace, until we entered the kitchen. There, I leaped onto the kitchen sink, then waited for my beloved friend, Walter. At that instant, Dr. Forrester entered the kitchen carrying a shotgun. He didn't give us a warning. He pointed his shotgun at Walter then pulled the trigger. I don't have to tell you what happened next. YOU ARE FINISHED!

Since there was nothing I could do for poor Walter, I leaped through the opening of the window, onto the lawn. Then, I hauled ass! Good for me!

Dr. Forrester shot at me once, re-loaded his shotgun then shot at me another two times. Both times, I felt shrapnel zoom past my beautiful body. Thankfully, I wasn't hit.

I ran to the nearest alley then circled back until reaching a few houses down from Dr. Forrester's house.
A short while later, all hell broke loose! Five vehicles, four marked, and one unmarked, arrived at the scene.
Apparently, their sirens weren't turned on. Sometimes, it's better not to turn on the sirens. If Dr. Forrester had heard the sirens, he would've had time to escape. Thankfully, things didn't work out that way.
A bald, middle aged man exited an unmarked vehicle from the far end. In one swift move, he pulled out a blow horn then began to speak.
"This is Chief Carmella speaking. Dr. Forrester, we know you're inside. Your victims didn't die in vain! Understand this: there's absolutely no chance of escape! If you come out shooting, you're finished! We don't want a bloodbath here. We want you to come out with your hands up, high in the air. You will not be harmed."
I cautiously approached Chief Carmella, then began to converse with him.
"Chief Carmella, may I be of assistance. I've been living in the Forrester home for quite some time now. In fact, Walter and I were the ones who discovered the bodies on Dr. Forrester's property.
I'm sorry ... Walter Hound is dead! Dr. Forrester shot him with a shotgun. We were conducting our own investigation into Forrester's evil doings. Once again, I'm sorry," I said.
Instantly, tears began to stream down Chief Carmella’s cheeks. He lowered his blow horn then took a few moments to comprehend the sad news.
"Kitty, Walter was the best 'sniffer dog' our police department has ever had. Walter was a very modest dog. Never boasted about his feats considering he broke over two hundred cases with his incredible scenting abilities and wits.
I won't tell any of my men or women what'd happened to Walter until this problem has been solved. If I tell them now, they'll charge the Forrester house. If they get their hands on that bastard sociopath, they'll shred him into pieces. I have to answer to my superiors.
Dr. Forrester's originally from Chicago, Illinois. He probably told you that he was a professional of some sort. Well, it's true. Dr. Forrester is a learned man. He has money, a nice home, and brains. What an absolute waste.
Dr. Forrester's 'Mr. Hyde' began to surface years before he became a learned man. It began when he was working at the General Hospital.
Dr. Forrester was assigned to medical waste disposal. Often times, he'd carry big black bags full of body parts, entrails, and specimens.
Kitty, don't get me wrong. Waste disposal in a hospital is very important work. Individuals who have this particular job are hard-working, law-abiding citizens. Dr. Forrester is sick at heart.
Dr. Forrester traveled through the mid America, waiting for the right moment, then striking like lightening. It took five years for local, state and federal authorities to figure out that an evil person was striking a seven state area: Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. Indeed, these were his favorite target areas.
The more times a serial killer/rapist strikes, the more likely additional evidence will be retrieved. It's unfortunate, but true. More victims have to die, or be harmed, for us to get closer to a serial killer/rapist. Unless he/she is stupid, or very unlucky, this is the general rule. Reliable witnesses, however, are always worth more than gold in their weight.
Des Moines Police discovered a thumb and index print on a victim's belt buckle; what a miracle.
Dr. Forrester was slowly, but surely, tracked down as a result of the fingerprint discovery.
In addition, as Dr. Forrester continued to strike, he began to show signs of recklessness. Another big break came after Dr. Forrester did a job in a Madison park. He didn't plan this strike. It was 'impromptu'.
Actually, he was sitting on a park bench, eating his lunch. Suddenly, he spotted a potential target. Normally, he'd stalk her, form a game plan, then strike. But no, not this time, the temptation to strike was too great.
The twenty seven year-old blond was brutally raped, killed then disfigured. Worse yet, she was a newlywed. Her body was tossed into nearby bushes, then left to rot.
Luckily, Madison Police carefully removed every item from the trash cans in the park, and sifted through every strand of grass and bush in sight. They worked diligently, coming up with a set of fingerprints, hair fibers, and a piece of chewed-up gum.
All three samples came from the same man: Rodney Casper. Dr. Forrester had used one alias after another. Unfortunately, it's not always that difficult to change your name and personal history.
Dr. Forrester was already in the 'system'. He'd once tried to brutalize and rob an eighty year-old woman. Several witnesses jumped him, while he was dragging the poor woman into the bushes. GOD knows what he would've done to her in the bushes.
Thereafter, local, state, and federal authorities worked on this case. It took us quite a while to track Dr. Forrester down. We don't know what Dr. Forrester's his birth name.
Kitty, what did you say your name was?" asked Chief Carmella.
I didn't want to be a witness in a big criminal case. It would've drained my energy reserves. Furthermore, I didn't need the publicity. I did what I had to. Worse yet, I was hurting inside. My beloved friend was murdered, right in front of me.
I gave Chief Carmella an alias. I mean … what else could I have done?
"Umm, umm, umm ..., I'm Lassie?" I responded.
"You know, that name sounds familiar. It certainly is a beautiful name. Somehow, I think of dogs whenever I hear that name. Yes, I've heard that name before. Well, maybe it was someone I knew back in high school.
In this big world of ours, I guess there are many women who have that name," said Chief Carmella.
Suddenly, we heard a racket from inside Dr. Forrester's house. It looked like the police had to go in and take Dr. Forrester out. I'm not talking about going to a fast food restaurant. I'm talking about gunning down Dr. Forrester!
"Dr. Forrester we want to help you! I will now call you. I want you to pick up the nearest telephone as soon as it rings.
You and I can talk, without any interruptions," said Chief Carmella.
Dr. Forrester opened a window then began to shout at Chief Carmella. Dr. Forrester knew very well that the sharpshooters were waiting for a good shot.
"This is my freaking house! I want you to go away and never come back! If you don't, I'll start shooting! You people are persecuting me!
The little harlots that I 'allegedly' chopped-up had it coming! They were worthless pieces of trash! Actually, they're worth a lot more dead, than alive! Their families should thank me from the bottom of their pathetic hearts, for ending their loved ones' lives!
Sure, I 'allegedly' did what I wanted with them, first. Then, I 'allegedly' butchered them. Indeed, things got really gooey! But, I like it that way. My two biggest 'alleged regrets' are that I couldn't get more of them; and the money I spent on those damn surgical gloves and 'special instruments'. Those things should be free for people like me.
I had it made! Unfortunately, those two creeps, Walter and Jody, ruined my 'alleged' killing streak! I got one of them right here; it's Walter! He's still alive! It's great! Now I can use him as a bargaining chip!
Guess what! Walter Hound's calling out for you, Jody Wilson! Jody, I know that you are there, beside Chief Carmella!
Jody do you remember Walter hound? I hope so, because you will hear him yelp, cry, and beg for mercy!
I demand a chopper! A million dollars in cash, in unmarked bills! And free passage out of this county! Give it to me, or else I'll kill an ex-police canine.
Carmella, give me a freaking answer ... now! I mean it!" shouted Dr. Forrester.
Chief Carmella couldn't give Dr. Forrester safe passage anywhere. Even if he could, he wouldn't. I mean, Dr. Forrester's was a threat to the entire United States.
Chief Carmella and his officers pushed for time. They played mind games with Dr. Forrester. They were hoping he'd tire out, and have a change of heart. They were dead wrong!
"Look, I've been waiting for my chopper for the last three hours. Carmella, you're a freaking liar!
Carmella, I will now plunge a steak knife into Walter's ugly heart. You know, like the way you plunge your knife into a juicy steak. I love it because there's nothing you can do about it!" Ha-ha-ha!" shouted Dr. Forrester.
We heard a loud yelp coming from inside Dr. Forrester's house. Exactly what a dying dog would do; yelp.
Afterwards, Walter cried out to me, to no avail. It was so bad I could hear him gasp for air. Then, the poor doggy died. This time it was for real.
I cried my brains out. Although I understood that my hands were tied, I still felt like a coward. I felt like I should have stormed Dr. Forrester's house.
By now, Dr. Forrester clearly understood that there was no escape, or leniency in sight. Aside from the other victims, he'd just killed a retired police dog.
Greg was loved by the entire Hudsonville Police Force. Not to mention the Mayor of Hudsonville. Walter helped make Missouri a safer place to live in; for both humans and animals.
Chief Carmella ordered the SWAT members to come to the scene, pronto! I braced myself for a big showdown.
A short while later a dozen well-armed SWAT team members arrived at the scene. Mind you, there were already ten SWAT members at the scene.
The news of Walter's murder spread like a wildfire. As expected, every officer was in a killing mood.
The SWAT team took up positions around the area. Also, more police officers were called to the scene. I think, even the Governor of Missouri wanted to help.
Suddenly, all hell broke loose! Dr. Forrester began firing at us, using an incredible, fully automatic machine gun. No doubt, it was military issue. If the Germans had had this weapon, they'd have won the war. Really!
Chief Carmella called in for Missouri State Police reinforcements. He was fiddling with the idea of calling in the Missouri National Guard.
I convinced him not to. We'd already committed overkill. More support would've been counterproductive. At the very least, there would've been a problem relating with the chain of command. I certainly didn't want that.
The 'lawmen' returned fire. In an incredible volley of rounds, Dr. Forrester's windows and walls were damaged beyond repair. Amazingly, it only took a few seconds of firing to do the job.
Meanwhile, Hudsonville Police were emptying the neighborhood; knocking on windows, and banging on doors.
It looked like Dr. Forrester went down for the 'permanent count'. One of the snipers claimed two direct hits: one to the chest, the other to the head.
As soon as Chief Carmella heard the news, he grinned then gave Captain Mullen a high-five.
Chief Carmella didn't want to take any chances. He wanted an absolute guarantee that Dr. Forrester was either killed, or had been permanently disabled. So, he gave the 'charging bull orders.
Men ... women ... fire the tear gas, then charge that stinking house! No delays, whatsoever.
If Dr. Forrester is in possession of anything resembling a weapon, shoot to kill! Ask questions later!
Three tear gas canisters were fired into Dr. Forrester's house. I braced myself for much action.
Eleven SWAT members charged Dr. Forrester's house. They looked like a bunch of stampeding bulls.
I decided to slither out of the area. I had to get on with my own life. Also, I didn't want to answer any questions about Dr. Forrester. I was tired and anxious.
I walked for a short while then entered a yard, where I collapsed beside a large tree. Nothing, not even a world war could've awakened me. I was dead tired.
I awakened early in the morning. Luckily, I slept like a human baby. Unfortunately, I was famished. I had to get something into my system. Otherwise, I would've gone mad.
With intimidating clouds overhead, along with my other problems, things looked dim. It was time to find a new friend. YUM CHANG

As I was pondering about my predicament, a middle-aged Asian man approached me. Most of his hair was gray, and his hands were calloused. He smelled like janitor’s liquid cleaner.

"Hey kitty, I'm Yum Chang! I'm a janitor at Hudsonville High. I'm going to work. Well, since it's a weekend, you can tag along. There won't be anyone else inside the main building. It'll all be ours."

"Jeepers, do you clean crap and urine inside restrooms? Do you mop floors? Do you take a lot of crap from the students? What about the faculty?

I apologize for asking you so many questions. You're the first 'janitor' that I've ever met. I'd like to befriend you.
Yum, I'm pleased to meet you. My name is Jody Wilson. I was born in Missouri."
It looked like Yum and I were going to get along just fine. He really seemed like a swell guy. Yum was obviously a working class man.
He didn't have a ring on his finger. I could fill in his 'loneliness void'. A cat can do that for humans, you know?
Yum and I began our walk to Hudsonville High. A short while later, Yum hoisted me off the ground, then gently placed me inside his hand bag. He didn't want to take any chances. In case a faculty member was taking a walk near Hudsonville High.
Yum and I walked for a total of seven blocks, until we reached the entrance of the main building at Hudsonville High. After peering through the window of the double doors, Yum removed his keys from his pocket.
Yum quickly unlocked the locks then opened the double doors. Afterwards, he entered the building like a king. After taking a few steps, he removed me from his handbag. After blowing me a kiss, he gently placed me on the tiled floor.
As soon as my paws were firmly entrenched on the tiled floor, I scanned the area, searching for danger. Thankfully, the coast was clear.
I followed Yum into the supplies room. Inside, Yum took the articles that he needed then locked the supplies room.
As we were walking through the hallway, I detected the partially faded scent of alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana.
Indeed, drugs have become a big problem in many North American high schools. Even in small-town America, drugs manage to creep through tiny crevices.
As soon as we entered the men's restrooms, a horrific, monstrous stench, hit me like a ton of bricks! Honestly, I almost puked my brains out! I persevered because I wanted to see what janitors are forced to endure at work.
Considering what Yum had to endure, it was incredible how he could still manage to put on an occasional smile.
After Yum dunked his mop inside the stool, he pulled it out. Gooey water and ugly, stinky, gray-stuff, dribbled onto the tiled floor. It was really ugly-looking!
Yum mopped the tiled floor, not leaving any areas undone. I was pleased with his efficiency and earnest.
Yum then began to clean the toilets, and the tiled floor inside the stalls. It was a very saddening sight. If people could only see what kind of bullshit many janitors must endure, they'd clean up after doing their thing.
"See, this is the kind of horse manure that I have to put up with as a freaking janitor! Wait until you see what's inside stall number four! First, you must brace yourself. Okay?" requested Yum.
"Certainly, I'll brace myself. I want to know what's in that stall. Please, let me get a birds-eye view. I just hope it doesn't leap out onto my face, or something. As long as it stays in its place, I'm satisfied," I said.
Yum opened the door to stall number four, but didn't enter. He warned me to stay put. Even the floor inside stall number four was dirty.
Yum and I peered down at mounds, upon mounds, of pure, unadulterated ... shit ... everywhere! Even on the toilet lid.
In addition, a complementary roll of toilet paper had been tossed into the toilet. Not to mention the dry urine that was sprinkled everywhere. GIGANTIC snot dangled from the toilet handle. The perpetrators couldn't have imagined how much pain and suffering they were inflicting on their school janitor.
The mounds of shit before our eyes must've weighed over twenty pounds. Another pound on the toilet lid, and it would've collapsed.
What caught our eyes was a GIGANTIC log of shit, behind the toilet lid. It was so horrible, I almost cried. I took several steps back, but continued observing the spectacle.
Absolutely, worst of all was a janitor's 'monster nightmare'. Underneath all the shit, toilet paper, urine, and whatever else, was a rubber strainer taken from one of the urinals. You see, it was embedded at the bottom of the toilet bowl.
What did this mean? It meant that nothing could be flushed down the toilet, until the rubber strainer was removed. Unfortunately, Yum wasn't supplied with working gloves. In effect, he had to clean everything up with his bare hands.
“Jody! Do you see all that shit, urine, toilet paper; that GIGANTIC snot on the toilet handle, the GIGANTIC log, and the strainer?
Look! That freaking log looks like a giant python! It's all curled-up, with a heat and a tail end.
I've had it with this damn job! I keep complaining and complaining. All to no avail! The Hudsonville Board of Education treats me like an idiot who doesn't know any better!" shouted Yum.
Yum literally dropped what he was doing then motioned me to follow him. Apparently, he'd quit his job. I certainly couldn't have blamed him. I wouldn't have been able to endure those working conditions for a single minute!
Yum and I left Hudsonville High, without even glancing back at the school. It was a very somber walk to Yum's apartment. Overhead, the clouds became extremely menacing and dark. Normally, that would mean a soon-to-be-thunderstorm.
A short while later it began to pour, big times. Yum and I decided to run to his apartment. We ran several blocks, until we reached 1040 Centurion Street West. Yum motioned me to stop. He pointed to a dilapidated-looking building.
With utter shame in his eyes, he told me to follow him there. I obliged him. As we walked to the dilapidated building, Yum began to tear.
I was certain Yum understood that life would always be rough for him. Yum would probably end up becoming a beggar, collecting unemployment, or do hard time in a penitentiary. Barring a miracle, that is.
Upon entering the dilapidated building, I felt a sharp 'stink'. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Actually it smelled like the restrooms at Hudsonville High. No wonder, Yum hated those restrooms.
Yum and I walked up a flight of stairs, to room number 208. Yum quickly took pulled out his keys, then proceeded to unlock his apartment door. As soon as both locks were turned, Yum quickly opened his apartment door then motioned me in. Then, he closed the door.
Surprisingly, Yum's apartment was relatively tidy. It was clean, but the articles of furniture were cheap. I didn't care about that. As far as I was concerned, Yum was a good friend.
"Jody, you're not like those creepy humans who torment me. They use me, ignore me, and they blame me for anything that goes wrong. I don't know what to do!

Last year, my wife left me for another man. He was an attorney at Spencer & Gentry Law Firm. He made big bucks! I can never match that. Well, unless I go into the narcotics business. Don't worry, I won't do that. I've got enough problems, already.

Jody, I'm very lonely. I've got a bit of money invested overseas. Back home in China, my father was a big shot. We were from a very powerful family who had deep in the communist regime. You see, my father was a die-hard red. A freaking 'COMMY'!

Unfortunately, my father and uncles began to gamble, and waste their wealthy on stupid things. Luckily, I inherited a large sum of money before my father was able to waste it all. I decided to immigrate to the United States. Now, you see a dilapidated, unemployed man.

Jody, do you think I'm ugly?" asked Yum.
Yum was a very 'unattractive' man. He was old, ugly, chubby, short, and complained about everything. I didn't want to break his heart. So, I lied.
"Gosh, I ... think ... um ... you're a good looking man. Really! I don't think that you're old, ugly, chubby, short, and complain about everything," I responded.
"Jody, forgive me. I'm going to call up for some sweet company," said Yum.
"You can't do that! That's very naughty! Don't waste your money! Don't take any chances with S.T.D. s. Do not be a sinner! Yum, I know you're an honorable man! I understand that you've had a rough life, but, just hang in there! Things will get better! I mean, you can't be that horny! Are you?! If you are, I'm out of here!
Yum, you're a swell guy! I mean ..., I ... mean, a swell American. You're a swell American! You are a citizen. Therefore, you're now one of us!" I exclaimed.
"Jody, I'm nothing but a dilapidated, has been, janitor! Before my wife left me, she called me a freaking loser. Also, she called me a 'citizen foreigner'. She said that 'my kind' could nev