The Jody Wilson Stories by Bassam Imam - HTML preview
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"Please, I need to talk to you about something very important! But first, give me your word that you won't attack me, if I approach you," I said.
"Look, I'm so sad and depressed. I need to be useful to someone. I need a friend, really badly. Please, come here. Don't be afraid of me. I'll help you, if I can. But, be aware that I'm slightly handicapped," said the Bloodhound.
The Bloodhound invited me into his dog house, then, offered me a doggy bone. I declined.
"My name is Walter Hound. Officially, I'm a retiree. My owners are also retirees. The three of us worked for the Hudsonville Police Department.
Sadly, my owners' faculties are slipping away. So, if you need help in a police matter, you can only speak to me about it. Otherwise, you'll be wasting your time," said Walter.
Walter and I chatted for a few minutes. As soon as I remembered my purpose for the visit, I paused for a moment. Then, I went ahead and described my predicament to Walter.
Walter told me that he'd sniff through Dr. Forrester's yard, house, and garage; if need be. He suspected that there were many more victims on the premises. But, there was a condition. All the field work would have to be done while Dr. Forrester was out.
I informed Walter that Dr. Forrester was out, all day long, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.
Walter and I decided to conduct our field work the following Saturday. But, on the condition that I was ready to do whatever was necessary to bring Dr. Forrester to justice, if relevant evidence was found. I agreed to the condition.
I endured three days and three nights of extreme anxiety and tension. I pondered about what could go wrong: Dr. Forrester could go out for a short period of time, snatch a young woman, then proceed to destroy her.
Thankfully, I had a good friend with me. When it comes to sniffing for evidence, Bloodhounds rule.
On the following Saturday, I awakened with little appetite for food. In addition, my mouth was dry. By 6:00 P.M., I regained my appetite then ate and drank up a storm.
The thought of Dr. Forrester's arrest had engulfed my mind. He had to be thrown into the jaws of justice.
Dr. Forrester left his home at 8:45 P.M. As usual, he left alone. I couldn't imagine how Dr. Forrester would treat his wife. I mean, if he'd had one.
I waited until Dr. Forrester was out of the neighborhood before going to 1310 Wilmington Street.
I found Walter waiting for me at the perimeter of his lawn. A short while later, Walter and I went to Dr. Forrester's house. As soon as we were on the porch, I reminded Walter that the mission may cost us our lives.
After reviewing our game plan, Walter and I decided to backtrack. We began our sniffing in the yard. Although cats are all-round incredible animals, they can't 'sniff' as efficiently as most dog breeds can. Not to mention Bloodhounds.
It only took a short while before Walter found a mass grave in the back yard. It was amazing how easily Dr. Forrester evaded the authorities and his neighbors' suspicions. No wonder that most serial killers aren't captured until they've wreaked havoc on their society.
Dr. Forrester could fit into any middle class neighborhood. In addition, he had a fairly decent job. By golly, he was a freaking professional!
After finding the mass grave, Walter and I resumed our search. We ended up finding more dead bodies.
There were three barrels inside Dr. Forrester's garage. Indeed, the barrels seemed out of place. Walter and I pulled off the lids of the barrels. Then, we knocked the barrels onto the ground.
Inside each of the barrels was a partially decomposed human body. I can't tell you how stinky those bodies were. Walter and I had to run out of the garage. Otherwise, we would've puked our brains out! Really!
After a short rest, Walter and I returned to the garage. We understood that there was more work to do.
Walter and I determined that the three victims were preteen females. Perhaps, they were nine, or ten years-old. Walter and I looked at each other in utter shock. We figured that there was probably more bad news to come.
We didn't have to wait for long. Walter and I detected the scent of human semen. Upon closer examination, Walter and I noticed that there were signs of 'forced copulation' upon each of the three preteens. Not a very pretty sight. Dr. Forrester was a serial killer/sexual predator. As if being a serial killer isn't terrible enough.
Walter and I exited the garage then rested in the yard for ten minutes. Indeed, it was a well-needed rest. We had streams of tears running down our faces. Could anyone blame us for crying?
After our rest, Walter and I entered Dr. Forrester's house through the front door. Surprisingly, he never locked his door. He probably thought that he was the most evil person in the whole world. What did he have to fear from another criminal?
Upon entering Dr. Forrester's house, Walter motioned me to the basement. He became very anxious. Knowing that there was something hideous down there, we braced ourselves.
"Walter, do you think what Dr. Forrester showed me in the basement was only the tip of the iceberg? Please tell me before we go downstairs," I said.
"Jody, I smell rotting flesh! It has been decomposed and chopped-up into pieces. After I see this catastrophe, I'm calling Chief Carmella. He'll send over reinforcements," said Walter.
We went down to the basement. This time, there were five barrels in the corner. We tipped over all of the barrels. Thankfully, the lids weren't securely tightened.
The stench was terrible! If I'd been a human, puke would've poured out from all of my orifices. Walter was right. What we saw were slabs of flesh, blood, maggots, rot, and other disgusting stuff. It was a shocking sight!
Apparently, Dr. Forrester had forgotten to destroy the cadavers. This mistake would lead to at least five more charges of murder.
A short while later, Walter and I left the basement. Specifically, we went to the kitchen. Walter convinced me that calling Chief Carmella was the best option we had. I agreed.
Walter climbed up onto the kitchen table, then reached over and grabbed the phone. After calling the police and explaining to them what we'd seen, Walter put the phone down.
At that very moment, Dr. Forrester pulled his van into his driveway. A terrifying ordeal, indeed!
"Let's hide in my bedroom. My closet's large enough for a mammoth. We can wait it out until Dr. Forrester sleeps, or decides to go out again," I said.
Walter and I ran to my bedroom then we hid inside my closet. Our adrenaline levels shot up through the clouds. Any higher, and we would've passed out. Really!
Dr. Forrester entered his house then headed straight for the kitchen. Unfortunately, he noticed the craters in his yard.
"Jody, I know you're here! You and a stinking dog! You and your doggy friend must show yourselves. If you don't come out, I'll find you. Then, you'll both be in big trouble!" shouted Dr. Forrester.
Walter and I understood that we had to escape. Dr. Forrester had more than enough weaponry to easily kill us.
Walter and I exited my bedroom then headed to the front door. We assumed that Dr. Forrester would block the back door exit. Well, we were dead wrong! We should have known better. Dr. Forrester was a cunning little devil.
We could hear Dr. Forrester's feet pounding on the carpet. He was heading towards the front door.
Walter and I picked up our pace, until we entered the kitchen. There, I leaped onto the kitchen sink, then waited for my beloved friend, Walter. At that instant, Dr. Forrester entered the kitchen carrying a shotgun. He didn't give us a warning. He pointed his shotgun at Walter then pulled the trigger. I don't have to tell you what happened next. YOU ARE FINISHED!
Since there was nothing I could do for poor Walter, I leaped through the opening of the window, onto the lawn. Then, I hauled ass! Good for me!
Dr. Forrester shot at me once, re-loaded his shotgun then shot at me another two times. Both times, I felt shrapnel zoom past my beautiful body. Thankfully, I wasn't hit.
I ran to the nearest alley then circled back until reaching a few houses down from Dr. Forrester's house.
A short while later, all hell broke loose! Five vehicles, four marked, and one unmarked, arrived at the scene.
Apparently, their sirens weren't turned on. Sometimes, it's better not to turn on the sirens. If Dr. Forrester had heard the sirens, he would've had time to escape. Thankfully, things didn't work out that way.
A bald, middle aged man exited an unmarked vehicle from the far end. In one swift move, he pulled out a blow horn then began to speak.
"This is Chief Carmella speaking. Dr. Forrester, we know you're inside. Your victims didn't die in vain! Understand this: there's absolutely no chance of escape! If you come out shooting, you're finished! We don't want a bloodbath here. We want you to come out with your hands up, high in the air. You will not be harmed."
I cautiously approached Chief Carmella, then began to converse with him.
"Chief Carmella, may I be of assistance. I've been living in the Forrester home for quite some time now. In fact, Walter and I were the ones who discovered the bodies on Dr. Forrester's property.
I'm sorry ... Walter Hound is dead! Dr. Forrester shot him with a shotgun. We were conducting our own investigation into Forrester's evil doings. Once again, I'm sorry," I said.
Instantly, tears began to stream down Chief Carmella’s cheeks. He lowered his blow horn then took a few moments to comprehend the sad news.
"Kitty, Walter was the best 'sniffer dog' our police department has ever had. Walter was a very modest dog. Never boasted about his feats considering he broke over two hundred cases with his incredible scenting abilities and wits.
I won't tell any of my men or women what'd happened to Walter until this problem has been solved. If I tell them now, they'll charge the Forrester house. If they get their hands on that bastard sociopath, they'll shred him into pieces. I have to answer to my superiors.
Dr. Forrester's originally from Chicago, Illinois. He probably told you that he was a professional of some sort. Well, it's true. Dr. Forrester is a learned man. He has money, a nice home, and brains. What an absolute waste.
Dr. Forrester's 'Mr. Hyde' began to surface years before he became a learned man. It began when he was working at the General Hospital.
Dr. Forrester was assigned to medical waste disposal. Often times, he'd carry big black bags full of body parts, entrails, and specimens.
Kitty, don't get me wrong. Waste disposal in a hospital is very important work. Individuals who have this particular job are hard-working, law-abiding citizens. Dr. Forrester is sick at heart.
Dr. Forrester traveled through the mid America, waiting for the right moment, then striking like lightening. It took five years for local, state and federal authorities to figure out that an evil person was striking a seven state area: Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. Indeed, these were his favorite target areas.
The more times a serial killer/rapist strikes, the more likely additional evidence will be retrieved. It's unfortunate, but true. More victims have to die, or be harmed, for us to get closer to a serial killer/rapist. Unless he/she is stupid, or very unlucky, this is the general rule. Reliable witnesses, however, are always worth more than gold in their weight.
Des Moines Police discovered a thumb and index print on a victim's belt buckle; what a miracle.
Dr. Forrester was slowly, but surely, tracked down as a result of the fingerprint discovery.
In addition, as Dr. Forrester continued to strike, he began to show signs of recklessness. Another big break came after Dr. Forrester did a job in a Madison park. He didn't plan this strike. It was 'impromptu'.
Actually, he was sitting on a park bench, eating his lunch. Suddenly, he spotted a potential target. Normally, he'd stalk her, form a game plan, then strike. But no, not this time, the temptation to strike was too great.
The twenty seven year-old blond was brutally raped, killed then disfigured. Worse yet, she was a newlywed. Her body was tossed into nearby bushes, then left to rot.
Luckily, Madison Police carefully removed every item from the trash cans in the park, and sifted through every strand of grass and bush in sight. They worked diligently, coming up with a set of fingerprints, hair fibers, and a piece of chewed-up gum.
All three samples came from the same man: Rodney Casper. Dr. Forrester had used one alias after another. Unfortunately, it's not always that difficult to change your name and personal history.
Dr. Forrester was already in the 'system'. He'd once tried to brutalize and rob an eighty year-old woman. Several witnesses jumped him, while he was dragging the poor woman into the bushes. GOD knows what he would've done to her in the bushes.
Thereafter, local, state, and federal authorities worked on this case. It took us quite a while to track Dr. Forrester down. We don't know what Dr. Forrester's his birth name.
Kitty, what did you say your name was?" asked Chief Carmella.
I didn't want to be a witness in a big criminal case. It would've drained my energy reserves. Furthermore, I didn't need the publicity. I did what I had to. Worse yet, I was hurting inside. My beloved friend was murdered, right in front of me.
I gave Chief Carmella an alias. I mean … what else could I have done?
"Umm, umm, umm ..., I'm Lassie?" I responded.
"You know, that name sounds familiar. It certainly is a beautiful name. Somehow, I think of dogs whenever I hear that name. Yes, I've heard that name before. Well, maybe it was someone I knew back in high school.
In this big world of ours, I guess there are many women who have that name," said Chief Carmella.
Suddenly, we heard a racket from inside Dr. Forrester's house. It looked like the police had to go in and take Dr. Forrester out. I'm not talking about going to a fast food restaurant. I'm talking about gunning down Dr. Forrester!
"Dr. Forrester we want to help you! I will now call you. I want you to pick up the nearest telephone as soon as it rings.
You and I can talk, without any interruptions," said Chief Carmella.
Dr. Forrester opened a window then began to shout at Chief Carmella. Dr. Forrester knew very well that the sharpshooters were waiting for a good shot.
"This is my freaking house! I want you to go away and never come back! If you don't, I'll start shooting! You people are persecuting me!
The little harlots that I 'allegedly' chopped-up had it coming! They were worthless pieces of trash! Actually, they're worth a lot more dead, than alive! Their families should thank me from the bottom of their pathetic hearts, for ending their loved ones' lives!
Sure, I 'allegedly' did what I wanted with them, first. Then, I 'allegedly' butchered them. Indeed, things got really gooey! But, I like it that way. My two biggest 'alleged regrets' are that I couldn't get more of them; and the money I spent on those damn surgical gloves and 'special instruments'. Those things should be free for people like me.
I had it made! Unfortunately, those two creeps, Walter and Jody, ruined my 'alleged' killing streak! I got one of them right here; it's Walter! He's still alive! It's great! Now I can use him as a bargaining chip!
Guess what! Walter Hound's calling out for you, Jody Wilson! Jody, I know that you are there, beside Chief Carmella!
Jody do you remember Walter hound? I hope so, because you will hear him yelp, cry, and beg for mercy!
I demand a chopper! A million dollars in cash, in unmarked bills! And free passage out of this county! Give it to me, or else I'll kill an ex-police canine.
Carmella, give me a freaking answer ... now! I mean it!" shouted Dr. Forrester.
Chief Carmella couldn't give Dr. Forrester safe passage anywhere. Even if he could, he wouldn't. I mean, Dr. Forrester's was a threat to the entire United States.
Chief Carmella and his officers pushed for time. They played mind games with Dr. Forrester. They were hoping he'd tire out, and have a change of heart. They were dead wrong!
"Look, I've been waiting for my chopper for the last three hours. Carmella, you're a freaking liar!
Carmella, I will now plunge a steak knife into Walter's ugly heart. You know, like the way you plunge your knife into a juicy steak. I love it because there's nothing you can do about it!" Ha-ha-ha!" shouted Dr. Forrester.
We heard a loud yelp coming from inside Dr. Forrester's house. Exactly what a dying dog would do; yelp.
Afterwards, Walter cried out to me, to no avail. It was so bad I could hear him gasp for air. Then, the poor doggy died. This time it was for real.
I cried my brains out. Although I understood that my hands were tied, I still felt like a coward. I felt like I should have stormed Dr. Forrester's house.
By now, Dr. Forrester clearly understood that there was no escape, or leniency in sight. Aside from the other victims, he'd just killed a retired police dog.
Greg was loved by the entire Hudsonville Police Force. Not to mention the Mayor of Hudsonville. Walter helped make Missouri a safer place to live in; for both humans and animals.
Chief Carmella ordered the SWAT members to come to the scene, pronto! I braced myself for a big showdown.
A short while later a dozen well-armed SWAT team members arrived at the scene. Mind you, there were already ten SWAT members at the scene.
The news of Walter's murder spread like a wildfire. As expected, every officer was in a killing mood.
The SWAT team took up positions around the area. Also, more police officers were called to the scene. I think, even the Governor of Missouri wanted to help.
Suddenly, all hell broke loose! Dr. Forrester began firing at us, using an incredible, fully automatic machine gun. No doubt, it was military issue. If the Germans had had this weapon, they'd have won the war. Really!
Chief Carmella called in for Missouri State Police reinforcements. He was fiddling with the idea of calling in the Missouri National Guard.
I convinced him not to. We'd already committed overkill. More support would've been counterproductive. At the very least, there would've been a problem relating with the chain of command. I certainly didn't want that.
The 'lawmen' returned fire. In an incredible volley of rounds, Dr. Forrester's windows and walls were damaged beyond repair. Amazingly, it only took a few seconds of firing to do the job.
Meanwhile, Hudsonville Police were emptying the neighborhood; knocking on windows, and banging on doors.
It looked like Dr. Forrester went down for the 'permanent count'. One of the snipers claimed two direct hits: one to the chest, the other to the head.
As soon as Chief Carmella heard the news, he grinned then gave Captain Mullen a high-five.
Chief Carmella didn't want to take any chances. He wanted an absolute guarantee that Dr. Forrester was either killed, or had been permanently disabled. So, he gave the 'charging bull orders.
Men ... women ... fire the tear gas, then charge that stinking house! No delays, whatsoever.
If Dr. Forrester is in possession of anything resembling a weapon, shoot to kill! Ask questions later!
Three tear gas canisters were fired into Dr. Forrester's house. I braced myself for much action.
Eleven SWAT members charged Dr. Forrester's house. They looked like a bunch of stampeding bulls.
I decided to slither out of the area. I had to get on with my own life. Also, I didn't want to answer any questions about Dr. Forrester. I was tired and anxious.
I walked for a short while then entered a yard, where I collapsed beside a large tree. Nothing, not even a world war could've awakened me. I was dead tired.
I awakened early in the morning. Luckily, I slept like a human baby. Unfortunately, I was famished. I had to get something into my system. Otherwise, I would've gone mad.
With intimidating clouds overhead, along with my other problems, things looked dim. It was time to find a new friend. YUM CHANG
As I was pondering about my predicament, a middle-aged Asian man approached me. Most of his hair was gray, and his hands were calloused. He smelled like janitor’s liquid cleaner.
"Hey kitty, I'm Yum Chang! I'm a janitor at Hudsonville High. I'm going to work. Well, since it's a weekend, you can tag along. There won't be anyone else inside the main building. It'll all be ours."
"Jeepers, do you clean crap and urine inside restrooms? Do you mop floors? Do you take a lot of crap from the students? What about the faculty?
I apologize for asking you so many questions. You're the first 'janitor' that I've ever met. I'd like to befriend you.
Yum, I'm pleased to meet you. My name is Jody Wilson. I was born in Missouri."
It looked like Yum and I were going to get along just fine. He really seemed like a swell guy. Yum was obviously a working class man.
He didn't have a ring on his finger. I could fill in his 'loneliness void'. A cat can do that for humans, you know?
Yum and I began our walk to Hudsonville High. A short while later, Yum hoisted me off the ground, then gently placed me inside his hand bag. He didn't want to take any chances. In case a faculty member was taking a walk near Hudsonville High.
Yum and I walked for a total of seven blocks, until we reached the entrance of the main building at Hudsonville High. After peering through the window of the double doors, Yum removed his keys from his pocket.
Yum quickly unlocked the locks then opened the double doors. Afterwards, he entered the building like a king. After taking a few steps, he removed me from his handbag. After blowing me a kiss, he gently placed me on the tiled floor.
As soon as my paws were firmly entrenched on the tiled floor, I scanned the area, searching for danger. Thankfully, the coast was clear.
I followed Yum into the supplies room. Inside, Yum took the articles that he needed then locked the supplies room.
As we were walking through the hallway, I detected the partially faded scent of alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana.
Indeed, drugs have become a big problem in many North American high schools. Even in small-town America, drugs manage to creep through tiny crevices.
As soon as we entered the men's restrooms, a horrific, monstrous stench, hit me like a ton of bricks! Honestly, I almost puked my brains out! I persevered because I wanted to see what janitors are forced to endure at work.
Considering what Yum had to endure, it was incredible how he could still manage to put on an occasional smile.
After Yum dunked his mop inside the stool, he pulled it out. Gooey water and ugly, stinky, gray-stuff, dribbled onto the tiled floor. It was really ugly-looking!
Yum mopped the tiled floor, not leaving any areas undone. I was pleased with his efficiency and earnest.
Yum then began to clean the toilets, and the tiled floor inside the stalls. It was a very saddening sight. If people could only see what kind of bullshit many janitors must endure, they'd clean up after doing their thing.
"See, this is the kind of horse manure that I have to put up with as a freaking janitor! Wait until you see what's inside stall number four! First, you must brace yourself. Okay?" requested Yum.
"Certainly, I'll brace myself. I want to know what's in that stall. Please, let me get a birds-eye view. I just hope it doesn't leap out onto my face, or something. As long as it stays in its place, I'm satisfied," I said.
Yum opened the door to stall number four, but didn't enter. He warned me to stay put. Even the floor inside stall number four was dirty.
Yum and I peered down at mounds, upon mounds, of pure, unadulterated ... shit ... everywhere! Even on the toilet lid.
In addition, a complementary roll of toilet paper had been tossed into the toilet. Not to mention the dry urine that was sprinkled everywhere. GIGANTIC snot dangled from the toilet handle. The perpetrators couldn't have imagined how much pain and suffering they were inflicting on their school janitor.
The mounds of shit before our eyes must've weighed over twenty pounds. Another pound on the toilet lid, and it would've collapsed.
What caught our eyes was a GIGANTIC log of shit, behind the toilet lid. It was so horrible, I almost cried. I took several steps back, but continued observing the spectacle.
Absolutely, worst of all was a janitor's 'monster nightmare'. Underneath all the shit, toilet paper, urine, and whatever else, was a rubber strainer taken from one of the urinals. You see, it was embedded at the bottom of the toilet bowl.
What did this mean? It meant that nothing could be flushed down the toilet, until the rubber strainer was removed. Unfortunately, Yum wasn't supplied with working gloves. In effect, he had to clean everything up with his bare hands.
“Jody! Do you see all that shit, urine, toilet paper; that GIGANTIC snot on the toilet handle, the GIGANTIC log, and the strainer?
Look! That freaking log looks like a giant python! It's all curled-up, with a heat and a tail end.
I've had it with this damn job! I keep complaining and complaining. All to no avail! The Hudsonville Board of Education treats me like an idiot who doesn't know any better!" shouted Yum.
Yum literally dropped what he was doing then motioned me to follow him. Apparently, he'd quit his job. I certainly couldn't have blamed him. I wouldn't have been able to endure those working conditions for a single minute!
Yum and I left Hudsonville High, without even glancing back at the school. It was a very somber walk to Yum's apartment. Overhead, the clouds became extremely menacing and dark. Normally, that would mean a soon-to-be-thunderstorm.
A short while later it began to pour, big times. Yum and I decided to run to his apartment. We ran several blocks, until we reached 1040 Centurion Street West. Yum motioned me to stop. He pointed to a dilapidated-looking building.
With utter shame in his eyes, he told me to follow him there. I obliged him. As we walked to the dilapidated building, Yum began to tear.
I was certain Yum understood that life would always be rough for him. Yum would probably end up becoming a beggar, collecting unemployment, or do hard time in a penitentiary. Barring a miracle, that is.
Upon entering the dilapidated building, I felt a sharp 'stink'. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Actually it smelled like the restrooms at Hudsonville High. No wonder, Yum hated those restrooms.
Yum and I walked up a flight of stairs, to room number 208. Yum quickly took pulled out his keys, then proceeded to unlock his apartment door. As soon as both locks were turned, Yum quickly opened his apartment door then motioned me in. Then, he closed the door.
Surprisingly, Yum's apartment was relatively tidy. It was clean, but the articles of furniture were cheap. I didn't care about that. As far as I was concerned, Yum was a good friend.
"Jody, you're not like those creepy humans who torment me. They use me, ignore me, and they blame me for anything that goes wrong. I don't know what to do!
Last year, my wife left me for another man. He was an attorney at Spencer & Gentry Law Firm. He made big bucks! I can never match that. Well, unless I go into the narcotics business. Don't worry, I won't do that. I've got enough problems, already.
Jody, I'm very lonely. I've got a bit of money invested overseas. Back home in China, my father was a big shot. We were from a very powerful family who had deep in the communist regime. You see, my father was a die-hard red. A freaking 'COMMY'!
Unfortunately, my father and uncles began to gamble, and waste their wealthy on stupid things. Luckily, I inherited a large sum of money before my father was able to waste it all. I decided to immigrate to the United States. Now, you see a dilapidated, unemployed man.
Jody, do you think I'm ugly?" asked Yum.
Yum was a very 'unattractive' man. He was old, ugly, chubby, short, and complained about everything. I didn't want to break his heart. So, I lied.
"Gosh, I ... think ... um ... you're a good looking man. Really! I don't think that you're old, ugly, chubby, short, and complain about everything," I responded.
"Jody, forgive me. I'm going to call up for some sweet company," said Yum.
"You can't do that! That's very naughty! Don't waste your money! Don't take any chances with S.T.D. s. Do not be a sinner! Yum, I know you're an honorable man! I understand that you've had a rough life, but, just hang in there! Things will get better! I mean, you can't be that horny! Are you?! If you are, I'm out of here!
Yum, you're a swell guy! I mean ..., I ... mean, a swell American. You're a swell American! You are a citizen. Therefore, you're now one of us!" I exclaimed.
"Jody, I'm nothing but a dilapidated, has been, janitor! Before my wife left me, she called me a freaking loser. Also, she called me a 'citizen foreigner'. She said that 'my kind' could never become a real American.
Then, why did she ever make love to me? I wondered.
On that dreaded evening, I got home at 8:00 P.M., expecting some love and company. I got nothing but pure, unadulterated, bitching!
My wife and I were married for eight long years. I must admit, it wasn't all a waste. Actually, I cheated on her numerous times. You see, I was trying to get back at her for being a freaking bitch!
I had a right to cheat on her. Well, I suspected she was having an affair with another man. Guess what? It was the same creep that she ended up marrying!" shouted Yum.
"Come on, Yum! Please, don't talk like that! Look, why don't you order a pizza, or something. We'll eat together, and watch television. In fact, I'll even drink some pop with you. Don't worry, I love pizza and pop. Also, we can enjoy our caffeine buzz together. Order some high caffeine pop with the pizza. Guess what? Chocolate or sauce can intensify a caffeine buzz. I can't wait till we both have an incredible buzz together. How does that suit you?" I asked.
"Jody, you're something else! Let's do that! Just give me a moment to get the phone number of Anthony's Pizza," said Yum.
Yum got up, then walked over to the kitchen, looked at a posting on his fridge door, then called in for some pizza.
After calling-in his order, Yum returned to the sofa then sat down beside me. Instantly, both of us began to salivate like dogs. Just thinking about that pizza and pop was driving us crazy.
Yum turned on his television then flipped through the channels with his remote control. He stopped on KHJB Channel 48. A gruesome horror flick from the 60's was showing. I've always liked horror flicks. Yum and I watched the horror flick enthusiastically. Thirty minutes into the show, we heard a knock on the door. Yum got up like a rocket, pulled out some cash from his wallet, then opened the door.
"Extra large pizza, with onions, and black olives Also, garlic bread and a twelve pack of 'Lightening Pop'," said the delivery man.
Yum paid the delivery man, closed the door then returned to the sofa. Yum could sense how hungry I was. I was drooling like a hungry lioness on the Serengeti Plains.
Yum got up then went to the kitchen. He removed a large bowl, two paper plates, and a glass from the kitchen cupboard. Afterwards, Yum returned and placed the articles on the coffee table in front of us.
Yum poured pop into the bowl, and placed two slices of pizza on each paper plate. Afterwards, he poured some pop into his glass.
I plunged my canines deep into my food like a hungry lioness. Afterwards, I consumed every drop of pop in my bowl. Meanwhile, Yum was munching down on his pizza, and drinking pop.
Yum and I ended up finishing off the pizza and pop. Our stomachs were distended beyond belief.
After the horror flick ended, I searched the channels for something nice to watch. I ended up stopping at the Food Channel. Yum and I watched a professional chef prepare a delicious meal.
Yum and I closed our eyes then fell asleep. We ended up sleeping many hours.
As soon as I awakened, I glanced up at the clock. Wow! Time had flown by like a passing breeze.
Although it was now midnight, Yum and I were now wide awake. We conversed about various subjects.
Roughly an hour later, Yum went to the fridge then pulled out a 2 liter bottle of pop, and a bottle of Bourbon.
Immediately, I sensed that something wrong was about happen. Yum was very depressed and frustrated. The last thing he needed was booze in his system.
"Please! Yum, don't get wasted! You've got enough problems on your mind. You don't want to be drunk ... and ... depressed. That's a terrible combination. Your problems will only be aggravated. No doubt, you'll develop additional problems. Stay sober. We'll talk about many good things. Is that okay?" I asked.
Yum didn't respond to my inquiry. He sat down on his sofa then proceeded to down a powerful mixture; Bourbon and pop. He almost looked like a camel guzzling water.
As soon as Yum had 'consumed' a pint of Bourbon, he went to the fridge then brought back a six pack of beer.
Yum guzzled down the first two beers without even taking a breath. Afterwards, he slowed down to a normal pace. Indeed, Yum was a first class drinker. Too bad!
"Jody, I feel like I must tell you something about myself. I've been a freaking janitor at Hudsonville High for over twenty five years. I've broken school rules and regulations. Not to mention, the law. I only committed these acts during the graveyard shift.
You see, there were days and nights when I was supposed to be a janitor, and a security guard, simultaneously. The Hudsonville County Board of Commissioners stink big times!
Every so often, during the graveyard shift, I'd find pop and food in the faculty fridge. I even found money inside some of the faculty desks. Well, the temptation to take what I wanted was overwhelming. Especially when there were goodies inside the fridge," said Yum.
"What do you mean by goodies?" I asked.
"Jody, I'm talking about beer, wine, and hard booze! Okay, there was tons of food, too. Boy, that 'contraband' was good! I'd stop what I was doing, in order to eat, drink, and party. It didn't take long for me to get high and/or drunk. Afterwards, I'd crash out for an hour or two.
Upon awakening, I'd quickly make up for lost time. Thankfully, I always got the job done.
I mean, who the hell was going to discipline me? If anyone of those creeps in the school administration tried anything, I would've gone straight to the Hudsonville Gazette. That would've been one hell of a story.
Once in a while, I'd pick the lock of a desk drawer or cabinet drawer, in the administration office. This is where the special snacks were located. As soon as I took them, they became mine. Once, I snatched a one hundred dollar bill! Really! I'm not freaking kidding!
But, the article that I enjoyed snatching the most was a 'lone fifty' dollar bill inside the Vice Principal Willard's desk. I searched frantically, in order to find more bills, without any luck. Initially, I thought it was a trap. A moment later, my urge to take what was rightfully mine over- powered me," said Yum.
I interrupted Yum's story, because I couldn't comprehend the phrase 'rightfully mine', in this context.
"Yum, what do you mean, by 'rightfully mine'?" I asked.
"Look ... Jody ... I worked my ass off in that stinking hell-hole! That SOB principal had it against me. I knew that he was the major culprit of the restroom conspiracy against me.
The faculty and staff made a lot more money than I would've made in a hundred lifetimes. They had their fancy degrees, while I had my dirty, stinking, toilet-cleaning hands.
When I had the day shift, I soon noticed that not a single member of faculty or staff ever looked me straight in the eyes. Gosh, they never even looked at my face, for that matter. If one of 'me ever said hi, his/her head would always be turned away from me. I felt like a gargoyle. To them I was the 'China-manschool-janitor'. They couldn't understand how a 'Chinese guy' was only a janitor. Like, we're all supposed to be geniuses," said Yum.
Yum continued drinking and talking. He refused to stop drinking. In fact, his attitude and demeanor were changing for the worse. Yum was now becoming an angry, insolent, selfpitying, and grouchy.
"Jody, you don't know how I freaking feel! Don't patronize me! You're nothing but a little pussy! I'm a freaking human being! I'm a man! I can do whatever I damn well please!" shouted Yum.
I felt like clobbering Yum on the side of the head, but help back. After all, Yum was smashed. I couldn't hit a drunkard. Yum had a drinking problem.
In fact, Yum began to show signs of intoxication early on in his drinking bout. Also, before he took his first gulp, his hands were trembling.
As soon as Yum passed out, I opened his fridge, then ate and drank whatever I could. I knew it was all over between us. The least I could do was to leave Yum's apartment fully satiated.
I ended up eating large quantities of beef, fish, and chicken. Also, I drank large quantities of water and milk. Although I left a big mess, I had no intention of cleaning it up.
After I finished off the milk, I closed my eyes then fell into a very deep sleep. I awakened at 10 A.M. It was a sunny day.
I peered through Yum's kitchen window, in order to scan the entire area. I was searching for a highway, or a junction. Luckily, I found what I was looking for.
I quickly ran to the apartment door then leaped onto the door's lock. After quickly unlocking the door, I turned the door-knob then pulled back. I turned then leaped onto the carpet. Now, the door was wide open. I didn't even glance back at Yum. Apparently, Yum had puked his brains out while I was asleep.
I walked to Junction 455 West, with a very powerful urge to leave Missouri. Somehow, I felt like I was being called to another part of my country. Although I loved 'my Missouri', I needed to get a fresh start.
As I was walking on Junction 455 West, I thought about my new life. I began my trek out of my home state, waiting for a merciful human to give me a free ride. I stayed on the shoulder of the road, in order to make a quick leap away from any cathating driver.
I just wanted to live in a beautiful home, under the care of good humans. This is what the average cat wants. Why not? I was living in the land of plenty.
As I continued my walk, I noticed that every so often, a driver or passenger would shout an obscenity at me. Shouting obscenities spiked my hair. Every time it happened, I understood that the situation could easily get out of hand.
Let's suppose that the driver of a vehicle were to stop. Then, suppose three humans with baseball bats exited the vehicle. What would I do then?
In one case, a bottle of beer was thrown at me. In another, a bucket full of ice was tossed at me.
Three hours into my walk, a driver in a blue Toyota pickup slowed down, to the point of being parallel to me. I wasn't sure of his intent. I had to wait and see.
Well, a short while later, the driver of the Toyota pickup stopped his vehicle. He allowed me to pass him.
When I was a good fifty yards in front of the Toyota pickup, the driver sped towards me. I was terrified! Some humans get-off on road kill.
Fortunately, I was wrong. As soon as the Toyota pickup was within several feet of me, the driver turned to his left then slowed down. Shortly afterwards, he came to a full stop. A chubby man exited the Toyota pickup. He scanned the area then walked into the shoulder of the road.
Afterwards, he unzipped his zipper then urinated on the shoulder. Seeing an opportunity, I ran to the Toyota pickup then leaped onto the trunk.
Meanwhile, the chubby man let out a farting spree. It almost sounded like he had a tuba shoved up his rectum.
The area stunk so bad even a squirrel decided to scram. Humans often induce 'stench' upon themselves.
After the chubby man finished relieving himself, he pulled up his zipper then belched three times. A mixture of fart and beer engulfed the area. That's another drunk driver for you.
The chubby man entered his Toyota pickup then continued to drive due west. I stayed low. I didn't want to take any chances.
I was hoping that the chubby man would go all the way to California. California's climate would be just right for a cat.
For the first twenty five minutes of the drive, there were no problems. Unfortunately, the chubby man continued to guzzle down one beer after another. My incredible feline senses detected a slight swerving of the Toyota pickup. He had to stop drinking, immediately! Otherwise, both of us would've been placed in an extremely dangerous situation.
A short while later, the chubby man pulled his Toyota pickup into a rest area. A sign in front of the tourism office read: KANSAS.
I took advantage of the situation, by leaping out to safety. I didn't want to end up in a horrific car accident. The chubby man still had more beers to guzzle down. Furthermore, I didn't want any trouble with the law.
As soon as my paws hit the gravel, a group of teenagers began to yell obscenities at me. A burly teen charged me at once. I couldn't comprehend his logic. What had I ever done to him?
Glancing back, I saw the chubby man briskly walking to a nearby restaurant. Even if he'd seen the spectacle, he wouldn't have helped.
There was no way in hell I was going to allow a burly teenager to harm me. No way! Impossible!
I decided to 'punish' the burly teen, in my own feline way. I turned then ran. I let the burly teen get very close to my tail, in order to keep him running. I pulled away at the right moment. The burly teen abruptly stopped, bent over, then pressed unto his stomach with both hands.
Naturally, I stopped to get a better look at what was happening.
The burly teen dry heaved three times then he vomited his brains out. I wanted him to learn a very painful lesson: it's not nice to scare an innocent cat; especially, if she's cute.
After viewing the spectacle, I ran into the forest area then hid behind a large tree. I could still see and hear what was going on in the rest area. I waited patiently, and cautiously.
After the burly teen finished puking, his friends called him back. Initially, he tried to be stubborn and defiant.
Thankfully, the burly teen reluctantly returned to his friends then he shed a few tears. His crying made me feel much better.
I scanned the area in search of a new friend. Cats are very intelligent beings. In this world a cat must be smart, cunning, and assertive. Otherwise, you'll live and die a sucker.
Even though I'd always been a patient cat, I couldn't stay put indefinitely. After an hour of waiting, I decided to go deeper into the forest, where I could ponder about my next move.
Right before I turned to leave, someone pulled a beigecolored trailer pulled into a parking space nearby. I kept an eye on the trailer. Trailers often house good families. That is, families who love companion animals. Being wealthy is a bonus.
The trailer was new and maintained quite well. It appeared to have all of the amenities needed for full security and comfort.
A family of three consisting of a couple and their son exited the trailer. The vacationers were grinning. Cats can detect subtle cues. Our awesome ancestors used their senses to help them survive in the wild.
These vacationers needed a cat. Why not me?
The couple walked away from their trailer in unison. Their son straggled behind. There was a short exchange between the man and his son. Afterwards, his son went to his mother.
The vacationers sounded like they were from the Canadian Maritimes. Some cats, like me, are very proficient at identifying dialects and accents.
The vacationers went to the restrooms, located
approximately fifty yards from their trailer.
A short while later the vacationers exited the restrooms, in unison. They looked like the Cleavers, all happy and stuff.
The husband handed his son a candy bar, and some bubble gum. His son gave him an 'I love you' hug. After letting go, the boy told his father that he loved him more than anyone else in the whole world. Truly, a load of crap! I could tell by the way his son was smirking, it was all an act.
As soon as the vacationers spotted me, they stopped in their tracks. The wife got down on one knee then signaled me to approach her.
Suddenly, the wife's cell phone began to ring. As soon as I showed interest in her, she told the person on the other end of the line to call back later. Then, she said her goodbyes.
I slowly 'crept' towards the woman. Although the vacationers seemed like they were friendly, with humans, you can never be absolutely certain. They can lash out at you, in an instant. Like a domesticated wolf/dog hybrid.
"Hey kitty, don't be afraid of us! We've got two cats back home in Nova Scotia. One's a gray tabby, the other's a Bengal. We miss them so much.
We've got two houses back in Now Scotia. Most domestic cats aren't too fond of horrific snow storms, or cold weather.
However, if a cat's living in a good home, with decent human companions, things will almost certainly run smoothly; even if they are living up north.
Too bad we can't take you back home with us. We'd have to declare your presence to Immigration Canada, at the port of entry. Quarantine, paperwork, and other stuff, would give us all a terrible headache. We hope you understand. I mean, we can't take the chance of getting caught smuggling you into Canada.
Getting caught means much humiliation. A fine and a ten year blotch on our record are also expected. Who the hell wants that?
Kitty, you have a country. It's not like you're stateless, or anything. The United States is a very large country. You have your continental states, and as a bonus, Alaska and Hawaii. Oh, we can't forget your territories.
At the moment, we're heading to San Diego. You can tag along if you want. No charge, of course. You'll be our 'American guest'," said the wife.
"Jeepers, I'd love to tag along! I'm trying to get to California. I know that it's quite a distance from Kansas. You're lift would be highly appreciated," I said.
"Gosh, you must be lonely. Look, when we get to San Diego, you can accompany us on our city-wide tour. We'll show you the major sites then we'll drop you off at a good location. As soon as we're done sightseeing in San Diego, we're going up to Oregon. After Oregon, it's Washington. That'll be the end of our visit to the United States.
Afterwards, we'll enter Canada through British Columbia. If everything goes according to plan, we'll go due east from there.
Our accent probably sounds a bit funny to you. You know something, you guys sound a bit funny to us. It's not a problem. Remember, we're all speaking the same language," said the husband.
They seemed like a good family. Well, I didn't have a choice, anyway. I either lived with them, or starved without them.
"Oh, we forgot to introduce ourselves: I'm Kathy Olson, that's my husband, Tom, and our beautiful son, Sean."
Kathy petted me between the ears, then, she knelt down and hoisted me off the ground. After looking into my eyes, she held me up against her chest, and kissed me between the ears.
For that brief moment, I felt 'MARITIME LOVE', sink deep into my veins. What a family! I wanted to convince the Olsons to take me with them to Nova Scotia. I figured people in those parts are laid back and friendly. Once again, I just wanted to live in a good home, with a decent family.
After petting me, Kathy put me back on the ground. Afterwards, Tom hoisted me above his head then carried me into the trailer.
Kathy and Sean followed us in. I got a sudden head rush. It looked like the Olsons were going to treat me with the utmost respect. If I could've just made them love me enough, I would've been able to go with them to Nova Scotia. I could've easily hidden underneath their baggage. I wouldn't make a sound, until we entered Canada. If, a customs officer became suspicious, I could sink my beautiful body further into the baggage. In essence, I'd become an article of baggage.
For this to happen, I'd have to contort my beautiful body then freeze into a comfortable position. My eyes would have to remain closed and my breathing would have to be severely curtailed. In the end, it would've been well worth it.
As soon as we entered the trailer, Kathy placed me in a special 'kitty chair'. Then she slid over into the passenger's seat. Thankfully, she didn't forget to fasten her seatbelt. Tom turned on the ignition then began his drive to California.
While Tom was merging into Highway 768 West, he looked to his left, to ensure that no oncoming vehicles would clobber his trailer.
When we were firmly entrenched into the highway, Tom turned on the radio. He zoomed in on a soft music station. For the time being, it calmed my nerves.
Fifteen minutes into the drive, I slithered out of my kitty seat, then began to jounce around. Being a cat, I couldn't sit still for too long.
Then, I leaped onto Kathy's lap. She was delighted. I allowed Kathy to pet me, until I became too groggy. At that point, I leaped off of her lap then headed for a corner. Once there, I closed my eyes, then fell asleep.
As I was enjoying my sleep, three bumps on the highway caused me to fully awaken. I'd been out for over three hours! Good for me. I was now closer to California.
I noticed that Sean tapping on the back of his mother's seat. She didn't seem to mind. However, I did. I found the tapping sound very annoying. Therefore, I made it clear to Sean, through my body language.
In response, Sean glared at me with his sinister eyes. He had envy and anger in his heart. I couldn't blame him. However, I wasn't ready put up with his behavior.
Later, Sean's tapping began to really annoy me. Enough was enough! I couldn't take it anymore. I stared Sean down. Then, I extended my claws and bared my incredible teeth! Thankfully, that was enough to straighten him out.
Sean was a smart-mouth little snot who needed to grow up. Although he was a preschooler, he behaved like a spoiled baby.
But, Sean was also a cute child. He had red hair, hazel eyes, and was freckled-faced and slim. His two front teeth appeared larger than normal, but very cute-looking. Although he looked like the typical kid-on-the-block, far from it, he had a serious attitude problem.
Cats must always be on the alert for sinister kids. These kids have an incredible urge to lash out at someone; especially an animal. The object is normally perceived as being weaker, or non-threatening.
A short while later, Sean removed his seatbelt, then began to horse around. His parents didn't like that. Sean, however, was intent on doing his own thing.
Tapping his mother's seat was no longer fun. Sean began to punch the back of her seat, without any let-up. Now, his mother gave him a word or two.
"Sean, why can't you behave yourself, like Jody?!" shouted Kathy.
Sean quieted down, without hesitation. It only lasted for ten short minutes. Afterwards, Sean began to bark like a dog. He was glaring at me the whole time. No doubt, Sean had built up a rivalry with me. I didn't feel that way towards him.
After I'd had my fill of Sean's aggressive behavior, I smacked him across the face.
As soon as my paw landed on Sean's cheek, he let out a scream! This caused Tom to swerve the trailer. He'd been startled.
"Sean, you must behave yourself! Otherwise, you'll regret it!" shouted Tom.
It felt really nice hearing Sean get bitched out.
"Kathy, I’ll pull over into the next rest area. That way, we can have a word or two with our son. Afterwards, we can use the restrooms and wash-up.
Sean, your mom and I can punish you in the most painful way; without laying a hand on you. For example, we can keep you inside our trailer while we go to the movies. Or, we can remove your television privileges as soon as we get back home. We know you wouldn't like that. We must have order and good behavior in our family!" shouted Tom.
"I’m sorry for being a naughty boy! I’ll be a good boy from now on," said Sean.
Tom turned right at the next exit then glanced back at me.
Shortly afterwards, we were parked in the rest area. We were now in western Kansas. The terrain was flat, from every corner. The light westerly wind, and the blue sky, made it a nice day.
As soon as Tom turned off the ignition, there was a minute of total silence. I didn't know what to make of it. Was it a family thing? I wondered.
Then, the silence broke.
"Sean, do you need to go pee-pee or poop-poop?" asked Tom.
"No daddy, me no go," responded Sean.
"What about me?" I asked.
"Jody, we didn't forget you. Come with us. I'll find you a good spot to relieve yourself," said Tom.
After we exited the trailer, I disregarded what Tom had said to me. I ended up running into a forested area behind the tourism office. I couldn't wait for the Olsons. I had to go, really badly. I had no time to study the road or any of the fixtures. As soon as I was out of sight, I relieved myself. Boy, did it feel good!
I was too shy to ask my 'new friends' for a litter box. I mean, they'd already given me free room, board, and a very long ride.
After successfully relieving myself, I returned to the trailer. As soon as I close enough to the trailer, I leaped through an open window, like a Bengal tiger. Although it felt good, my landing was disastrous!
My paws landed on Sean's head! He became infuriated! Instantly, I leaped onto the interior carpet.
"Sean, I'm so sorry! I was so excited about returning to this beautiful trailer, I forgot the basics of cat safety. No cat in the wild would've done what I just did. It was foolish," I said.
Sean glared at me then gritted his teeth. Since I needed the Olsons badly, I declined to go head-to-head with him.
Backing away from a confrontation with Sean was a mistake. Thereafter, he began to tease me. He stuck out his tongue at me, cursed me (in a whispering voice), head butted me, and worst of all, he began to blow in my face.
Sean took a breather for a few minutes. Then, he resumed his evil activities, with a vengeance. He pinched my tail then spat on me. I couldn't hold back anymore. I decided to retaliate.
My retaliation had to be lightening fast, because the Olsons had slipped out of their trailer for a last minute breather. Now, they were approximately fifty yards away from the trailer.
I bit Sean's right hand, then scratched his right shoulder. He cried then yelled out to his parents. I backed off, fearing that Sean's parents would hear his cries. Well, Sean was a lot more evil than I could've ever imagined.
After Sean wiped his eyes and cheeks with the back of his hand, he grinned at me. Indeed, it was an aggressive grin. What was he up to? I wondered.
Sean stood up then peered out of the passenger window. Afterwards, he quickly dropped his pants and underwear.
I was baffled by Sean's unusual behavior. He was a young boy, who certainly didn't know anything about the birds and the bees. Well, I didn't have to wait for long to discover what he was up to.
First, Sean urinated on the interior carpet. Then, he bent over, and pushed as hard as he could. A large brownish-greenish 'log' dropped onto the interior carpet. It was really uglylooking. Instantly, the trailer stunk like hell. I tried to ignore it, but couldn't.
All I could do was wait it out. I assumed Sean's parents would make him clean up the mess as soon as they entered the trailer. Parents should never tolerate misbehavior from a child.
Sean wasn't afraid, or apprehensive. Why? I wondered.
A short while later, Tom and Kathy were at the 'doorstep' of their trailer. I was looking forward to Sean's spanking. He certainly deserved it.
As soon as Tom and Kathy entered the trailer, I braced myself for an immediate onslaught. The stench would no doubt hit them like a 'ton of manure'.
"What the hell is that horrible smell?! We clean the interior of our trailer at least once a week! This smell is new to us!" shouted Tom.
"Honey, since it's not from us, it must be from one of them," said Kathy.
I stayed quiet. That was a fatal error!
"Mommy, daddy, I know who went poop-poop! It wasn’t me! Look! Jody’s the one who did it! Jody scratched me really badly. It hurts a lot!
She bit me until I started crying! I just wanted to pet her, and be best friend in the whole world. I love to cats! She’s a lion!" shouted Sean.
"Damn you, Jody! I want you out of our trailer, now! I don't want you near my family, ever again! We have a long vacation to enjoy! I don't want you to ruin it for us!
You're a cat! Cats are supposed to be clean! Out! Out!! Out!!! Get out of our freaking trailer, now!" shouted Tom.
Just before I exited the trailer, I glanced at Sean. I understood what his motive was. It was a case of cat envy. Sean considered me the little sister who he could never compete with. Nor could he ever equal me in cuteness. Naturally, he felt threatened.
Although I was pissed off at Sean, I didn't want to aggravate the situation by shouting at the Olsons. It wasn't my trailer, anyway. Furthermore, The Olsons had the option of calling the police.
As far as the police would've been concerned, it would've been an open and shut case. Sean was bleeding, bruised, and had scratch marks on his body. If the VCOs had been nearby, it would've been curtains for me!
I exited the trailer in a state of confusion. No matter where a cat lives, there are always 'problem humans' lurking in the shadows. A cat must choose her human friends wisely. A human can turn against his/her cat at any moment. The cat may be sold, tossed out, abused, neglected, or used as a breeding machine.
In humanities' defense, let us not forget the countless kind and generous ‘ones’ amongst them. They are scattered throughout the world. They'll take a cat in, treat him/her as one of their own, and never betray the trust.
The highest category of humans by cat standards, are those who stand up for our basic rights. They are animal
As soon as I exited the trailer, I headed straight for the forested area. A short while later I was deep inside the forest. That's when I decided to slow down my pace.
I ended up scaling a large tree, like my leopard cousins. I perched myself on a large branch. Indeed, I felt like a leopard scanning his/her territory.
All was not good, however. Hunger, thirst, permanent shelter, and a game plan, were issues that were lurking in the shadows.
Cats, like other incredible predators, have both physical and mental needs that must be satisfied. In addition, California was still far away. Indeed, life's not a joke.
I closed my eyes then fell into a deep sleep. I awakened a few hours later, partially refreshed. I re-scanned the area then closed my eyes again. Unbelievably, I fell into another deep sleep. I performed this act several times, before fully awakening.
Upon fully awakening, I descended from the tree then slowly walked to the perimeter of the forested area. Once there, I kept a low profile then scanned the rest area. Although it was still dark, I used my incredible feline vision to zoom-in on the digital clock 'pasted' in front of the entrance to the tourist office. It was 12:30 A.M.
At the time, darkness seemed like a protecting friend. In darkness, I could hide, like a leopard in the night.
The scent of food emanating from Jolson's Restaurant, which was nearby was causing me to go mad. I had to eat and drink! I couldn't have cared less how I acquired my nutrition. Nobody seemed to care about my hunger. Why the hell should I have care about theirs?
THAT'S MY FOOD!
I decided to break the basic rules of cat-human relations. Reader, please remember, I was famished! Therefore, I had to resort to extreme measures, like snatching a meal from a human target. It was that pure and that simple. I couldn't be a nice kitty because that would've gotten me nothing but starvation and desperation.
You see, I had to choose a good target. After snatching the food, I'd scram. The target would have to be 'prey-like' and solitary. The less witnesses the better.
I had to make my move before dawn. Otherwise, I'd literally be a sitting duck.
I waited patiently until 2:15 A.M. Human traffic had slowed down considerably.
Suddenly, four women left Jolson's Restaurant. One of them was on crutches.
A few minutes later, a man exited a Volkswagen bug. Unfortunately, he was very tall and muscular. Also, he was holding a baseball bat in his hand. Baseball bats can be thrown, jabbed, poked, or swung at a cat. I wasn't ready mess with this guy.
By 2:45 A.M., I was seriously considering snatching food from the restaurant kitchen. My stomach was tossing and turning. I just couldn't take it anymore!
Thankfully, a geeky girl, with a pimply face, parked her Trans Am nearby. Eureka! This was my golden opportunity! Considering she was a teen, the cops wouldn't take her complaint seriously. Or, that's what I thought.
Instantly, I began to drool, like a starving lioness. Thick, gooey saliva dangled from my mouth.
I crouched down then waited patiently, and with full concentration. Certainly, I had to make it a successful snatch. I watched as the geeky girl walked to Jolson's Restaurant. Boy was I hoping she was getting a takeout order!
Beautiful! At 3:00 A.M., the geeky girl exited Jolson's Restaurant carrying 'my goodies' in her hand. This is it! I thought. There was no heading back. I had to have my cake and eat it, too!
I got ready then cautiously approached the geeky girl. No doubt, she was happy to have that delicious food in her hand.
In an incredible array of speed and agility, I sprinted towards the geeky girl then pounced on her right arm. A split second later, I snatched 'my bag of food' from her hand.
I felt like a hyena. What I did was quite insulting to my feline identity.
Thankfully, the geeky girl didn't have a chance in hell of stopping my incredible onslaught.
As soon as my goodies were in the clutches of my incredible canines, I ran towards the forested area. I wanted to enjoy my meal without having to suffer the consequences of my actions. I assumed that the geeky girl would walk away then cry her brains out. I was dead wrong!
Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. The geeky girl charged me like an elephant's stampede. Gosh, the ground shook underneath her 'pounding feet'. I had a sudden change of tactics. I couldn't run into the forest. Things had suddenly changed.
I decided to run and run, knowing that I had to lose her, fast! Otherwise, the patrons of Jolson's Restaurant would come out to see what was going on. No doubt, they too, would be on my tail.
To make matters worse, the geeky girl began to shout insults at me. As a result of her persistence, and insults, I decided to pick up the pace. I ran around the periphery of the rest area, over and over again.
I figured she'd pass out, or puke. Then, I could leave the area.
I'm not taking anything away from cats, but, we've got an endurance problem. I mean, we're quick and fast as all hell, but, we can never be distance runners.
To my shock and dismay, the geeky girl continued to chase me, without any let-up. I kept turning back to see if she'd had enough. To my utter despair, she didn't let-up. Jeepers, even I began to feel a bit nauseous.
"Come back here with my freaking food, you little harlot! I just lost my husband to a beautiful bimbo. I'll be damned if I'm to lose my precious food to a little harlot like you!
I will not let-up. I'm an experienced cat chaser! Damn you; I know your strengths and weaknesses! Cats can't sustain a fullblast-run for too long!" shouted the geeky girl.
The geeky girl almost had me there. Well, when I realized that her husband left her for a bimbo, a touch of pleasure and happiness ran through my veins.
But, I was also pissed off. The nerve of that girl! How could any human call a cat a little harlot? No way, she wasn’t going to take 'my meal' away from me.
I stopped running in order to give her a mouthful.
"You're a geeky-looking bimbo! If I was a man, I'd be disgusted by your very appearance!" I shouted.
To my utter shock, the geeky girl had already begun her retreat. Apparently, she'd used up all of her reserves in the long chase. Her pomp was a bluff. I barely had enough strength to get away.
I kept an eye on the geeky girl, until I was certain that she couldn't see my next move. Otherwise, a large posse of humans would be conducting a search for me.
Lucky for me, the geeky girl went to the women's restroom, crying her brains out.
Because of my utter exhaustion, the forested area now looked like the only viable option for enjoying my meal. I entered the forested area in a state of utter dilapidation and confusion. Officially, the chase was over. But, I'd learned a valuable lesson: next time, snatch food from a fat human.
During the night, forest areas can be a safe haven for a cat; on the condition that there are no predators nearby. Our vision, hearing, speed, and reflexes, are better formed than those of a humans'. Cats are also very agile. Indeed, our climbing abilities protect us from all non-climbing, non-flying enemies, except for humans. Humans can throw, toss, spray, kick, fire, and launch a weapon/s at us.
While strolling in the forest I spotted a large tree just waiting to be climbed. As a precautionary measure, I decided to go back to the periphery of the forest to see what was going on. I wanted to enjoy my meal. I wasn’t in the mood to be apprehensive while eating.
I went back to the periphery of the forest, then cropped my ears and opened my eyes really wide.
The geeky girl took one last look at Jolson's Restaurant, then entered her Trans Am and drove away.
The geeky girl owned a Trans Am. It's not like she was poor and/or homeless.
I turned around then headed back into the forested area. Upon reaching a designated spot, I ripped the sac of 'goodies' wide open, using my teeth and claws. Before my very own eyes were two fish sandwiches, and tons of fries. Because the salt content of the food was high, I'd have to consume much water afterwards.
I ripped open the ketchup and pepper packets then garnished my sandwiches and fries. I chomped down on every single morsel, with intense pleasure. I had the dream meal of a cat's lifetime.
The fish sandwiches were fabulous. The fries were thick, ruffled, and tasty. That's the way a cat likes them.
As soon as I'd finished my meal, I spotted a raccoon nearby. I let him get to within twenty feet of me before I bared my teeth, extended my claws, and hissed at him.
The raccoon turned to his left then slowly walked away. As an afterthought, I don't think he wanted to fight me. I think he was looking for a pitiful handout. I didn't have anything to give him anyways. I'd chewed my last morsel right in front of him. But, if I'd had any food left, I wouldn't have given him any of it. Look, I earned my bread and butter!
Regarding the geeky girl, she could've easily replaced her so-called 'missed meal'. All she'd had to do was reach into her purse, and pull out a wad of money.
If the geeky girl were to ever become poor, she could easily go on welfare. On the contrary, a cat's life on the streets is extremely rough. A cat can't find a normal job in the human world.
In addition, we don't qualify for state or government aid. In fact, in some jurisdictions stray cats are considered vermin. That means if a human were to deliberately run one of 'us' over, no charges or fines would ever be laid. How can you humans be so nasty to us?!
While I was pondering about the remainder of my life, a sudden ill-feeling struck me like lightening. Someone was watching me!
Suddenly, an unusual creature appeared before my eyes. It was the size of a large mouse, extremely ugly, and had incredibly menacing teeth. Not to mention large and curved claws. Normally, a cat could easily size up another animal. However, this animal was so weird I didn't want to take any chances with it.
I ran into the parking lot of the rest area. Then, I looked back to see if the 'ugly creature' was following me. Thankfully, it wasn't.
That experience taught me about the possible dangers lurking within this planet. I decided to become more attuned to my surroundings. There are many creatures that haven't been discovered by humans, or even cats. These creatures have incredible abilities when it comes to camouflage and hiding. In other words, they don't want to be seen.
I ran to the tourism office. As soon as I got there, I scaled it. I crashed out on the roof. I couldn't understand why I was sleeping so much.
I awakened at 9:00 P.M., the following evening. It was time to continue my trek to California. I exited the rest area then walked due north on Haler Street. Haler Street would lead me straight to the highway.
I was happy to have awakened fully freshened, and to have gotten a free meal. But, I was extremely thirsty! 'Junky foods' usually contain too much salt, sugar, and/or fat.
Thank GOD, while walking on Haler Street, I spotted water gushing from a sprinkler.
In an act of utter desperation, I ran to the sprinkler then licked off as much water as I could. Mind you, my body was also being washed.
As soon as I felt completely satiated, I stopped licking the water from the sprinkler. Afterwards, I continued my walk on Haler Street.
Twenty minutes later, I spotted the entry ramp into Highway 768 West. As I was just about to make my move, I heard a police siren. The patrol car was heading in my direction. Naturally, I couldn't have known that I was the target. After all, what had I done to deserve being bitched-out, or arrested by an officer of the law?
However, as the patrol car quickly approached me, I felt a chilly feeling throughout my body. I utterly froze. It was like I'd turned into a statue.
I'd been walking against traffic, in order to see and hear oncoming traffic. The fact that it was nighttime gave me a bit of a boost. I figured the officer wouldn't see me.
When the patrol car got really close to me, I realized that the driver was a Kansas State Trooper (KST)! He had a passenger with him. Gosh! I didn't know what to do!
Why the hell was the KST blasting his ‘jack lighting’ me? It began to look like he had a personal vendetta against me. Did it have anything to do with that sac of food that I'd snatched? I wondered. Now way! Impossible! Or, that's what I thought.
A moment later, I found the patrol car within inches of my beautiful tail. That's when I placed myself on red alert.
I sprinted away as fast as possible. I kept running and running, hoping to evade the KST.
To my utter shock, the KST, continued chasing me down. I felt like a prey being chased by a lioness.
The KST placed his patrol car parallel to me. As I was running, The KST and his passenger began to throw taunts at me. In response, I gave them a word or two. As soon as I peered at them, I got the shock of my freaking life!
The passenger was the geeky girl! I was a dead goose! Or, should I say, a dead kitty. No wonder, the KST seemed intent on teaching me a lesson. It was only a matter of time before I ran out of steam. After all, even a cat can't outrun a fully operational vehicle.
I ran for another three miles, before scanning the area. There were two barbed wire fences, one on my left, and the other on my right. Game over!
I stopped running then collapsed onto the shoulder of the road. I ended up landing on my side. I tried to get up and run, but couldn't.
I felt dizzy then I began to puke my brains out. While puking, I tried to keep an eye on my tormentors. Meanwhile, the KST parked his patrol car just in front of me. He stuck his head out of the window then snarled at me. He looked like an enraged rhino. Within a few seconds, my worst nightmare became reality.
"Daddy, shoot that little cougar between her eyes! She must understand that some humans, like me, have fragile hearts. We don't like to be intimidated, or robbed by anyone. Especially a little harlot!" shouted the geeky girl.
I felt like calling her an ugly freaking bitch, but couldn't because I was still puking my brains out.
"I'm Trooper Bailey! I-AM-A-KANSAS-STATE-TROOPER! My daughter and I love to see criminals, like you, get their just desserts! Remember what Beretta used to say: DON'T DO THE CRIME, IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME!
Kitty, take a look at that sign on your left. Yep, that one! It has the word PUKE, and '99', written on it? Do you want to know why?"
I used up most of my energy reserves to turn and get a good look at the sign. Yes, the word PUKE, and '99', were written on a large sign-post.
I tried to answer KST Bailey, but couldn't, because I'd heaved up another load of barf.
"In case you’re wondering why the word PUKE, and'99', are written on the sign, listen-up: ninety nine cats preceded you in this manner. My daughter and I have now 'punished' a total of one hundred freaking cats, for stealing her food. Stealing my precious daughter's food, that is. Every single one of those critters showed utter disrespect towards my precious daughter.
Every single cat that we chased down puked in the exact same place. You see, you're just like those other 'thieving cats'.
Ah, don't worry, kitty! I don't feel like shooting you. I just want to watch you puke your brains out. It's a lot more entertaining, and fun," said KST Bailey.
I continued my puking spree, without any let-up. Being on a dark road and facing two arch enemies wasn't exactly helping any. What if Trooper Bailey and his geeky daughter decided to torment me even more? I wondered.
"Kitty, you're just as dumb as your predecessors. Don't ever consider yourself a good cat," said Trooper Bailey.
"Daddy, inflict more pain on that little harlot! Look at her! She's so geeky-looking!" shouted the geeky girl.
"Agnes, this is the best method of punishment! We can enjoy ourselves by watching this cat puke her brains out. This is fantastic justice!" exclaimed KST Bailey.
Agnes, let's eat our sandwiches. Yummy burgers, fries, and shakes have always made me drool. I've been eating this combo since childhood. You know, I shouldn't eat this type of food every day. My arteries are probably turning into clogged-up pipes," said KST Bailey.
The Baileys began a cruel guffaw spree, while I dry-heaved my brains out. Yes, dry-heaved. There was no more food or liquid in my tiny stomach to heave up.
The Baileys were enjoying the spectacle. How sadistic of them!
As soon as my condition began to improve, KST Bailey finished off his humiliation of me.
"Kitty, you're not welcome in Kansas! Damn you! I don't take any shit from two-bit criminals like you! You must leave Kansas, within an hour! Otherwise, I'll let Agnes have a field day with you! Now, get up! Move it! Go back to where you came from!" shouted KST Bailey.
For a moment, I felt a rush of relief. I thought it was over. As soon as I took a deep breath, Agnes exited the patrol car. She snarled then approached me. Afterwards, she placed the sole of her right shoe on my neck then pressed hard. Her intent was to humiliate me. She kept up the pressure for a whole minute, before releasing.
"You are a cougar! You hurt my feelings! You took my food from me! I was very hungry and depressed. I'd just gotten jilted. I mean, what else was I supposed to do, but eat? That's what most girls do after they've cried their brains out," said Agnes.
I felt like telling her to skip the cry baby act, and leave. Under the circumstances, I couldn't get myself to feel sorry for her. I just couldn't!
I waited until the Baileys drove off, before straggling up. From there, I slowly slithered to the highway.
Luckily, my strength returned quickly. I think that the relief of the Baileys' departure may have had something to do with it.
It was late at night, and I was very exhausted. As such, I decided to enter an underpass. There, I could rest up until I'd fully recovered.
When I reached the underpass, I decided to scale the incline. There, nobody could see me. As soon as I'd reached to top of the incline, I collapsed onto my side then passed out.
I dreamed that I was a prehistoric lioness, living on a lion's planet. It was really nice. Nobody messed with me, except the males of my species. Beside me were five cubs. They were the love of my life.
But, things weren't perfect. I was on the alert for scavengers. They're like giant flies trying to converge on a pile of shit. You can wave them away as often as you like, but, they always come back; sooner, or later.
In my dream, I fought off a giant lion who was trying to kill my cubs. Apparently, he wanted to mount me. I didn't agree. As such, I fought him off. No way! I wasn't willing to allow a two-bit lion to destroy my cubs! Nor was I going to allow him to mount me, without my permission!
Thereafter, I had one good dream after another. It was a remarkable morale booster. Considering what I'd been through with the Baileys.
ROBERTO 'AMIGO' GARCIA
During my dream, I was abruptly awakened by the sound of an automobile horn. My body was catapulted two feet off the ground. Indeed, even cats can be startled. Believe me it does happen more often than you think. Cats were programmed to be on the alert. We're not supposed to be sleepy-heads, like many humans are.
Unfortunately, this is one of the downsides of becoming domesticated. We begin to pick up some of 'their' dirty habits, and physiological responses. Indeed, some of us are 'over domesticated'. Sometimes, the animal thinks that he/she is a human.
I slowly descended from the incline, onto the street. However, I made sure not to let my guard down. A middle aged man waved me over to his green van. I was a bit apprehensive, because it seemed like it was too good to be true.
"Hey kitty, would you like some food? I've got milk, fish, bottled water, and much more! I'm going to California! Be my guest! Hop along! Please, don't be afraid of me!" exclaimed the man.
I didn't know what to think of it. Was he really sincere? Or, was it a ploy? Well, out of desperation, I continued my descent from the incline, to the green van.
I'd heard stories of blitzkrieg-style attacks upon cats, by 'creepy humans'. A cat must always be aware of this important fact.
As soon as I was within a couple of feet of the green van, I carefully studied the expression on the man's face. I determined that the man was in extreme anguish. Mental anguish, that is. It appeared as though he was in a state of deep depression. Also, as far as I could tell, he was a friendly human. I figured that a friendly/depressed human wasn't a danger to me.
"Hey kitty, I hope you don't mind accepting a ride from a kind Mexican American? I was born in Mexico City; a very beautiful city. Unfortunately, we have too much pollution, poverty, political unrest, and corruption. The Mexican people are proud of their heritage.
My name is Roberto 'Amigo' Garcia. My friends call me Amigo. I'm a proud Hispanic.
What's your name, kitty?"
I leaped into the van then grinned at Amigo.
Amigo merged into Highway 768 West, then resumed his drove to California.
My name is Jody Wilson, and I'm a proud feline!"
"Jody, you should visit Mexico someday. Just be careful when you re-enter your country. Some humans don't want any animals to cross into their border, unless accompanied by an owner. Furthermore, ownership and health certificates are required upon entry.
Regarding humans, I don't respect the ones who enter a country with the explicit purpose of selling drugs, or breaking the law. People should respect their own countries, and those of others. Pure and simple!
Thankfully, there are many Mexicans who enter the United State as tourists, visitors, students, and as immigrants. You only hear about the ones who sneak across the border. Even many illegal Mexicans just want to work in the land of opportunity. These ' illegal crossers' are extremely poor. They can't find a job in Mexico. So, they are forced to emigrate.
Believe me, if the Mexican economy were to be drastically improved, and was fair to its citizens the numbers of illegal crossers would be reduced to a trickle, or less. The vast majority of Mexicans would enter the United States as visitors, students, or legitimate immigrants.
Jody, you shouldn't prejudge anyone. As a Mexican American, I've had some run-ins with individuals who stereotyped me. Sure, I didn't like it. But, I went ahead and endured it.
Look, when my parents formally immigrated to the United States, they were already filthy rich. Because of their immense wealth, going through U.S. Immigration was relatively easy. When you've got big bucks, the immigration process tends to be easier than if you're poor. I'm not talking about the United States, per se, but about the vast majority of countries in this world.
Sadly, my parents became too 'comfy' in the land of opportunity. Just a year after becoming citizens my parents adopted alcoholism and gambling.
My mother began to experiment with illicit drugs such as cocaine, booze, and gambling. Yes, gambling. For my parents, gambling became a drug. It gives you the highs, lows, and addiction.
You see, my parents hung out with rich folks who also used illicit drugs.
As time passed, my parents began to use alcohol as an escape mechanism. They were no different than many other alcoholics.
It was only a matter of time before the alcohol, drugs, and gambling, took their toll. In effect, my parents' casual habits became addictions.
Jody, don't tell anyone what I'm telling you. Please! Even blood kin," said Amigo.
"Cats honor! I promise not to tell!" I said.
"When I was a kid, I sometimes took a sip or two from my father's booze collection. Although it tasted really nasty in the beginning, later it became tasty.
I started taking mini-gulps from various bottles. I was searching for good-tasting, strong booze. Well, I finally found what I was looking for!
The first time that I puked my brains out from the booze was six months into my drinking routine.
On that particular night, I'd decided to take large gulps of booze, instead of the normal sipping.
I'd learned a valuable lesson: thereafter, I'd only drink good-tasting booze. No more yucky-tasting booze.
A month later, on a Saturday evening, my parents went out to an all night dinner party. Well, I decided to drink my brains out. I broke my gulping routine, and began a binge-drinking routine. I finally felt like a young 'macho man'. Why the hell shouldn't I booze it up? I'd asked myself. I just wanted to see what it was like to be wasted, as an adult.
My parents didn't return from their dinner party until late the next morning. If they'd seen me drinking, they probably would've encouraged me to keep on drinking. Really!
At the time, my parents still held onto five supermarkets. Alberto's Supermarkets were each profitable enterprises.
Sadly, because my parents were living in the fast lanes, one supermarket after another had to be closed. Improper management, excessive spending, and living in the fast lanes, sent our family into unemployment status.
One day, we found ourselves out on the streets. No home! No business! No nothing! It was then that I began to have illfeelings towards my parents. Although, I still had some love for them in my heart, most of it was bitter repulsion.
Jody it's tough being on the streets. Cats are better adapted to this than humans are. You guys can really get tough and bite the bullet, if need be. Humans living on the streets must receive help from shelters, handouts, or become lawbreakers. Nobody wants to hire a dirty, stinky person.
Hunger, thirst, exhaustion, confusion, apprehension, depression, anxiety, loneliness, fear, and withdrawal symptoms, hit us really hard.
Thereafter my parents often wondered what it would've been like if they hadn't squandered their money on stupid things.
As for myself, I'd had it with my parents. Their squandering and utter stupidity was eating away at me.
After a few days on the streets, we managed to build a makeshift cardboard home. As expected, we had to defend ourselves and what little we had, with extreme ferocity.
Although most of the other homeless folks in the area left us alone, there were some who were predatory and opportunistic. My parents had to physically fight off some of these creeps. Another thing, we stunk like hell. It only took a few days for our bodies to begin to stink. I was used to showering twice a day. Even our breath became repulsive.
Then, on a cool Monday evening, just a couple of weeks into our dreaded ordeal, my parents slowly 'slithered' away from our cardboard home. Naturally, they did this in the middle of the night, while I was sound asleep.
They'd managed to beg and steal enough money for two one way bus tickets to the east coast. How the bus driver allowed them on his bus has puzzled me to this day. Maybe, my parents had an ace up their sleeve.
A few hours after the shock, I decided to take a walk around the block. I was trying to think of a game plan. I mean, I had to survive!
Jody, luck hit me soon afterwards. While walking around, I found two rolls of quarter on the sidewalk. I quickly snatched the rolls then put them in my pocket.
The first thing I did was call Aunt Rosa. After I told her what'd happened, she began to cry.
By the following morning, I'd become a new resident at my Aunt Rosa Garcia's home. Jody, it felt very nice to be inside a real house, again.
Jody, understand that I had to walk a total of 25 miles to get to her home. I couldn't ask her for a ride. I stunk like hell.
Aunt Rosa taught me good morals and ethics. As a result, I studied hard, worked, and behaved like a good citizen. I respected the rights of others and bettered myself.
Jody, I want to tell you another story. It happened in Grande, California, on a beautiful Saturday morning. Although I was only a kid at the time, I've never forgotten the tragedy.
It was before I started drinking. My brain and mind were still clear and normal.
At the time, my best friend in the whole world was a cat named Julia. Jody, you look like her. That's why my eyes are flowing with tears.
My friends and I used to play with Julia. She liked being one of the 'fellows'. We'd never allow a human girl to join our group. However, we made an exception for Julia. I mean, she was a cat.
We fed Julia as well as we could. In fact, she loved Mexican food so much she'd often lick her face after each meal. Then, roll onto her side, for more. Tacos were her favorite.
For several months, my friends and I had an incredible friend. Unfortunately, we took Julia for granted. But, we also cared about her dearly, knowing that dangers were lurking nearby. Whenever we were playing near a street, we'd remind Julia not to cross it before looking both ways, first.
It worked well for a while. Well, until that dreaded day. I mean, the day that we let our guard down.
There were five of us, including Julia, playing catch. We were having the time of our lives. For some reason, we'd forgotten to remind Cynthia about the rules for crossing the street. My friends and I assumed that Julia would always look both ways before crossing the street.
Disaster struck a short while later! Julia fetched my ball, into Apple Street. That's when she was struck by a speeding red sports car! Apparently, the driver was being chased by the police. He was driving 80 mph in a residential area. If the accident had occurred during school hours, there would've been a bloodbath.
Julia was catapulted twenty five feet into the air. As soon as she dropped onto the ground, we heard a splatter. Then, she was flattened by the same speeding car. It was a terrible sight. Julia had been disemboweled, crushed, and flattened.
My friends and I were shocked! Jose' wrapped Julia's body inside a rolled-up newspaper. Afterwards, my friends and I took Julia out into an open field. After scanning the area, we quickly dug a large hole then buried our beloved friend. Afterwards, we filled up the hole.
Many students at our school had known Julia. Upon hearing of her death, some of them burst into tears. We wanted the blood of the creep who 'MURDERED' our Julia!
I was angry at the driver who killed my best friend in the whole world! To add insult to injury, we later discovered that the creep driver was a big-time drug dealer. Drug dealers destroy many lives. They're probably the worst type of criminals around.
'Martini', as they called him, was also a big boozer. He loved Martinis. He was known to guzzle down one drink after another, until it was time to use heavy drugs.
Although I had intense hatred and anger towards Martini, major depression caused me to fall into an incredible stupor. I almost quit on life. Thankfully, my friend Bruce convinced me to be patient and faithful. That's probably what Julia would've wanted me to do," said Amigo.
The cat in me wanted to know more about Amigo. Likewise, I was intent on telling him more about myself; without going into intimate details.
"Jody, you sound like you're from the Midwest. Are you?" asked Amigo.
"Yes, I'm from Missouri. I'm very pleased to meet you. Please forgive my shaggy appearance. I'd just finished a barfing episode prior to meeting you," I said.
"Oh Jody, I hope you feel better now. Cats are usually more resilient than humans. When I was in High School, my buddies once went on an all-night binging spree. By early morning, each one of us had puked his brains out at least three times. My stomach hurt for five whole days. I never drank Bourbon again!
Thereafter, I understood that sobriety was the only way. Unfortunately, I still haven't kicked the habit yet. I'm down to 20 percent of what I drank back in Jr. High. If I don't look after myself who will?
Although Aunt Rosa helped turn me into a much better person, I still had traces of the old Amigo in me.
Now, my cousin Fernando was born in the United States. He studied and worked his ass off. I'm very proud to say that Fernando Garcia is now a professor of Business Administration, at Yale University. Fernando did exactly what his parents would've wanted him to do. He was patient, faithful, and very hard-working. Adversity was something to be conquered, not feared or avoided.
Fernando is 45 years-old, and presently lives in Providence, Rhode Island. He has a beautiful wife, and two children. Indeed, Fernando has attained the North American dream. He lives in a large house, with a beautiful yard, and a white picket fence, along with two lovely cats.
Although I tried to better myself, things didn't go quite as well for me. I tried to stop binge drinking in high school, but couldn't. That's why I'm a manual laborer. Play now, cry later," said Amigo.
Amigo had tears dribbling down his cheeks. He was in dire straits. I gently pawed his right cheek, drying his tears in the process. Amigo, in return, smiled at me.
Afterwards, Amigo turned on the radio, setting the tuner on 108 FM. Apparently, Amigo liked jazz music.
Amigo patted me on the head. I could tell he wanted to know if I liked the music. In response, I placed my paws on his right thigh then grinned at him. I made certain not to appear aggressive. In return, Amigo smiled at me then petted me between the ears, for a whole minute. It doesn't sound like long, but, he was driving a vehicle on the highway. I was certain that Amigo liked me. I liked him, too. At this stage, my 'feel' for Amigo was still conditional. I needed to know more about him.
I didn't want Amigo to hurt my feelings. Humans are notorious for this kind of behavior. Not all humans, but plenty of them. Using 'them' then dumping them. Never mind, the animals' feelings.
Amigo looked into the rear-view mirror, slowed down, then pulled over into the shoulder of the highway. Now, I was a bit confused. I wasn't sure if he was going to toss me out of his van, or give me a lecture.
After coming to a complete stop, Amigo turned off the car radio, then the ignition. Afterwards, he reached into his glove compartment then removed a large bowl. After placing it near me, he reached behind his seat, then took hold of a can of cat food.
Wow! What a freaking coincidence! Amigo just happened to have a can of cat food in his Toyota.
After Amigo blew me a kiss, he removed the lid off the can then pointed his index finger at my watery mouth. I got up on my hind legs, and licked Amigo's neck.
Although I wasn't hungry, cats on the streets know that free meals can sometimes be less common than a pink elephant sighting.
I sniffed the contents, just in case the food was poisoned. Afterwards, I gorged on everything in sight.
Amigo brought forth another can of cat food. The same process was repeated a total of five times. After the fifth can, I'd had enough of fleshy foods. You know what I’m talking about. Imagine that you've just eaten twenty pancakes, with large dabs of syrup and margarine on them.
Amigo then brought forth a carton of milk. After opening the carton, he held it above my head. He allowed the milk to slowly dribble into my beautiful mouth. I enjoyed every single drop!
To my astonishment, Amigo removed another bowl from his glove compartment then poured bottled water into it. As soon as he placed the bowl beside me, I began to lick the water. It was very tasty, clean, and cool. Somehow, I felt a bit confused. Everything was conveniently in place.
As soon as I finished off the water, I placed my right paw on Amigo's right hand. For twenty seconds, there was dead silence. Then, I withdrew my right paw. Amigo grinned at me then petted me between the ears.
Now, I was almost certain that Amigo had had a functional problem in his left hand. I noticed that he never grasped the steering wheel with his left hand. He controlled it with his left forearm, just below his wrist. Yes, he had a big problem in his left hand. Cats are preprogrammed to spot weakness, fear, and illness, in other beings. After all, our ancestors were super-predators.
“Jody, I enjoy feeding cats. Watching you eat helps lowers my pulse and blood pressure. You eat like Julia.
Besides, I'm in a good mood. I recently found out that I'd inherited five thousand dollars from a wealthy Mexican uncle. I'm so freaking happy! The woman I marry will live in a beautiful house, surrounded by a white picket fence, and a gigantic lawn," said Amigo.
I felt absolute pity for Amigo. What kind of house can you buy for five thousand dollars? None!
Amigo turned on the ignition then continued his drive to California. A short while later we entered Colorado.
I was getting a free ride, from a very kind human. He fed me with no strings attached. Thankfully, I didn't have to jump through burning hoops.
Everything was going just fine, until we heard police sirens a few hundred yards behind us. Naturally, Amigo moved into the far right lane then slowed down.
I sensed that something was wrong. I decided to stay quiet. Amigo was such a nice guy; he'd feel hurt if I suspected him of being a criminal.
To my utter shock, the Colorado State Trooper (CST) positioned his patrol car behind Amigo's van. Amigo was terrified! He'd just inherited five thousand dollars. The last thing he needed was an arrest, or a fine.
"Pull over into the shoulder of the highway! I'm State Trooper Jeffries!"
Amigo slowed down his van, then pulled over into the shoulder of the highway. After coming to a full stop, Amigo turned off the ignition.
Amigo looked like he was about to puke his brains out. If he had, I would've followed in his footsteps. I could never tolerate human puke. Gosh, it's the smelliest and ugliest!
The Colorado State Trooper exited his patrol car then cautiously approached Amigo's van.
I instinctively hid underneath my seat. The presence of a blue bowl, five empty cat food cans, a carton of milk that'd been partially emptied of its contents, and the 'scent' of a cat, would be hard to explain. That is, if our 'nemesis' had made an inquiry.
"Hello, I'm Trooper Jeffries.
Sir, there's a dangerous kitty on the loose! Somebody saw this kitty enter a van. Please, be aware of your surroundings. Do not allow any cat to 'bum' a ride off you.
This kitty mauled the daughter of a Kansas State Trooper. I take this type of crime personally! Kansans are our neighbors. 'Colorado Lawmen' believe in the brotherhood of the law! Indeed, this is a very serious offense! Be careful, this particular kitty uses her charm and good lucks to befriend unsuspecting humans.
Out of curiosity, have you seen this cat? Or, did you give her a ride anywhere? If you don't have any relevant information for now, but do at a later time, call the police!"
"No officer, I haven't seen a cat for over a month," replied Amigo.
"Are you absolutely certain?" asked Trooper Jeffries.
"Citizen's honor; I’d never lie to a law man! I always obey the laws of the United States of America! Really!
Trooper Jeffries, I'm a swell guy! I'd never lie to a law man. Especially a marvelous law man like you. You're so tall, confident, strong, handsome, and intelligent. You’re like Marshall Matt Dillon," responded Amigo.
"Gosh! Do you really mean that?" asked Trooper Jeffries.
"I certainly do!" replied Amigo.
Trooper Jeffries swallowed Amigo's entire complementary slab of manure. Indeed, Trooper Johnson was a gullible idiot.
"All right, you can go. Good luck in your future ventures," said Trooper Johnson.
Amigo turned on the ignition then drove off. Trooper Johnson tailed us for a few miles. Maybe he was flattered by what Amigo said about him. Who knows?
A short while later, Trooper Johnson zoomed by us. Amigo waited until the coast was clear, before pulling over into the shoulder of the highway. Somehow, I sensed that something was wrong.
As soon as Amigo turned off the ignition, he lowered his head then began to weep. Tears streamed down his cheeks with the force of Niagara Falls. Why was Amigo crying? I wondered.
"Amigo, what's wrong? I hate to see you cry! You've been very kind to me.
Most drivers couldn't care less about a lone cat, like me. You found it in your heart to stop, and give me a free ride," I said.
"Jody, I lied to Trooper Johnson. Worse yet, I used my citizenship of the United States of America as a weapon of deceit. I'm so ashamed of myself. How can I become a good citizen again?" asked Amigo.
"Amigo, you're a very nice man. Trooper Johnson was only making an inquiry about a so-called dangerous cat. You weren't lying to protect yourself. You lied to protect your friend. As far as I'm concerned, it's all over. I'm sure it'll never happen again," I said.
"Jody, you're a wonderful cat. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Just looking at you makes me feel better," said Amigo.
After Amigo complemented me, he showed me the palm of his right hand. It was soaking wet. I was surprised that Trooper Johnson didn't suspect any foul play. Maybe, Trooper Johnson did notice something unusual about Amigo's demeanor. Maybe, Trooper Johnson was in a forgiving mood.
Amigo turned on the ignition then resumed his drive to California. I couldn't help but notice that there was something odd about Amigo's left hand. It was a bit swollen and 'darkish'. I stayed quiet about it for the time being.
"Now, just relax and be patient. California's waiting for us," said Amigo.
We drove through Colorado for several hours, then pulled into a rest stop and slept for a short while.
Upon resuming our journey, the warning 'beep' and the 'red flash' from the gas tank gauge alerted us. The gas tank was almost empty!
"Amigo, your gas tank's almost empty. It's almost midnight! Please, find a gas station, immediately!” I shouted.
Amigo turned into the next exit ramp, then began to earnestly search for a gas station.
It's very stressful to drive when your vehicle is low on gas. It’s worse when you’re in unfamiliar territory, and in the middle of the night. As expected, we got the jitters.
Amigo slowed down, then petted my back. It felt good. Some humans really know how to pet a cat.
Amigo entered a rest area, looked around then drove off. Too bad, a gas station nearby was closed. I cringed.
Amigo drove several more miles, before entering Marble, Colorado. I convinced him to stay on Jerry Street. After driving for several minutes, I spotted a gas station that was still open. It was on the right side of Jerry Street, approximately a hundred yards from our position.
"Amigo, there's a gas station, over there! Please, slow down then head straight for it. I'm so excited! You can't imagine how I feel!" I exclaimed."
"Jody, you're an incredible cat! It's nice having smart company," said Amigo.
After pulling into the gas station, Amigo parked next to pump number two. He turned off the ignition then exited his van.
It took roughly five minutes to pay the attendant, fill up the gas tank, and leave.
"Jody, this quantity of gasoline in my van will be enough to take us clear out of Colorado.
Suddenly, my eyelids felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each. It was time for a long rest.
I 'zonked out' for several hours. By the time I'd awakened, we were already in northern New Mexico. Amigo was taking the scenic route to California. I couldn't have cared less which route we took. I just wanted to get to California! Who was I to complain?
"Jody, I want to show you something. But, I must turn at the next exit, first. Also, I really want to get to know you better. I can't do that very well if I'm groggy driving on the Highway," said Amigo.
Amigo turned into the next exit then continued to drive until he could no longer open his eyes properly. Amigo's yawning became significantly more frequent. I became apprehensive. Certainly, it's very dangerous to drive while groggy. When you're groggy, moments are spent with eyes closed and in a state of semi-sleep. In that moment, a terrible accident can occur.
Amigo began to search for a motel. It was almost 5:00 A.M. The sun was getting ready to manifest itself. As such, I asked Amigo to skip the search, and just pull over into a secluded area.
Also, I asked him to roll down my window so I could exit the van later. I'd had more than enough sleep. It was now waking time!
Amigo did exactly as I asked him to do. I was lucky to have an incredible friend. What was going to happen to me when Amigo arrived at his final destination? Humans have an incredibly notorious reputation for dumping their cats, like heaps of garbage. I'm not saying that 'most' humans would do that. I'm saying that 'some' would.
I braced myself for the worst case scenario. Even a sweet guy like Amigo could easily turn into a 'cat dumper'. As soon as he perceived me as excessive baggage, I'd be out of his life, forever.
It's rather difficult for a cat to leave a good friend; even when that friend is a human. Some humans think that 'we cats' don't feel love. They think that cats are like Vulcans. Enough with the Descartes philosophy!
Amigo turned into a side street then drove for two blocks, before coming to a full stop. Then, he turned off the ignition, and fell asleep.
Meanwhile, I leaped through the opening in the window then strolled around the neighborhood for a few hours.
When I'd had enough of sightseeing, I returned to Amigo's van.
As soon as I was inside Amigo's van, I laid on my back. Then, I began to play with my imaginary friends. No ... I'm not sick! Cats like to play with imaginary friends. They like to do this when they’re alone.
At 10:15 A.M., we were abruptly awakened by a tapping sound. Tapping on Amigo's window was a tall, ugly-looking policeman. As soon as Amigo fully awakened, the policeman stopped tapping on the window.
"Hey, open-up! I demand to speak to you! I'm Officer Warren! I work for the Worthington Police Department. We don't 'appreciate' transients, or strangers, in our town.
Amigo rolled down his window, then apologized to Officer Warren. Thankfully, it worked.
"Officer, we're incredibly sorry for sleeping inside my van! We're going to California. My friend and I have been on the road for many hours. I'll drive to the next town then find a good motel to stay in.
Officer Warren, I'm a hard-working man. I obey and respect the law," said Amigo.
"That's fine! But, you're not allowed to sleep in your vehicle. In Worthington, we don't tolerate this kind of behavior.
The municipal bylaw pertaining to your actions calls for a fine. I won't fine you this time. But, if you do it again, I'll hit you with a magnanimous fine!
On another note, I'm glad that you're a hard-working man who respects the law. I've heard every line possible. I've seen the scum of the earth pass through our town. So, if you know what's good for you, leave!" exclaimed Officer Warren.
Amigo turned on the ignition, said goodbye then drove off.
A short while later we were back on the highway. Amigo and I were thankful that Officer Warren allowed us to leave, without taking down our names.
"Jody, I want to give you some good advice. Whenever you meet a human being for the first time, place yourself on yellow alert! Placing yourself on red alert, over and over again, would be hazardous to your physical and mental health.
Regarding strangers, you may end up getting a smack across the head, a pat, a petting between the ears, or something in between. If you're one of those truly unlucky cats, maybe you'll be 'kitty-napped', tortured, or even killed. Many humans like me love cats. The spectrum is wide; from love to hate; from acceptance, to outright rejection.
Once in a blue moon, you'll find a human who truly gets off on tormenting animals, especially cats. The victim's pain will be much greater than the average human political prisoner can ever imagine.
Sadists sometimes reserve their utmost cruelty for animals. Unfortunately, cats are often their favorite targets. There's almost no limit to what they can do to a poor, defenseless kitty, especially a companion animal that lives in a house or in the countryside. In essence, nobody will know what's going on in the offender's home.
On a related note: there are many humans, young and old, who are also being tormented at home. Remember, babies can't convey their story, said Amigo.
"Have you ever seen a cat that was being tormented?" I asked.
Instantly, Amigo broke down. He kept crying and crying. I thought he was about to have a heart attack, on the spot!
I convinced Amigo to exit the highway, then to drive to a rest area. Thankfully, he obliged me. The sudden change in direction helped to calm Amigo down.
A short while later Amigo parked his van in a rest area. Now, we were ready to talk.
"Yes, I have seen a cat being tormented.
When I was four years-old, I took a long walk through the streets of my home town. I ended up walking through the bad part of town. What happened thereafter would haunt me for the rest of my life.
While I was walking on Greene Street, I took notice of a group of teenagers 'hovering' over a defenseless/terrified cat. Three boys were holding down the cat, and a girl shoved a lit firecracker up its anus. You know the rest.
I ran home, crying my brains out! I went straight into my room and didn't speak to anyone until I finished crying. Believe me my crying spell lasted for two whole hours.
Jody, we mustn't forget the millions upon millions of humans around the world who love and respect the animals in their care. In addition, there are many animal activists around the world who diligently work to protect animals.
These individuals work for little or no pay. Only a few of them make big bucks.
Jody, a good family will make their cat feel right at home. The animal receives sufficient food, water, shelter, veterinary medical care, and tons of love," said Amigo.
Amigo rested his head on the steering wheel then began to weep like a child. I waited it out, not wanting Amigo to think that I was insensitive.
Several minutes later, Amigo turned on the ignition then drove back to the highway.
Amigo continued his drive on the highway for another hour then turned into an exit ramp. He entered a rest area then parked his van. Both of us were exhausted and depressed. We decided to stay inside the van for a few hours.
We ended up sleeping like babies. Luckily, there wasn't a single interruption. No police officers or state troopers tapping on the window.
As soon as Amigo and I awakened, we felt our stomachs growl. It sounded like there was a roaring lion my stomach.
"Amigo, I'm very hungry. I know that you're hungry, too. We need to get some food into our system, pronto! I exclaimed.
Amigo rubbed his eyes, turned on the ignition then drove to the nearest town. It didn't take us long to find one.
Sunnyvale, California is a beautiful little town of roughly 20,000 inhabitants. It seemed too pleasant to be true.
"Jody, I'm looking for a supermarket. I'll purchase the best foods that my money can buy. Afterwards, we'll have to find a secluded place to eat in. I'm very hungry, and I don't want to be bothered by anyone, except by my dear kitty. You're a very sweet cat. I'll enjoy eating with a splendid cat like you," said Amigo.
hour restaurant. I was hoping he'd get our food from there.
I could smell the roast beef inside the restaurant kitchen. Amigo and I were under the 'hypnotic scent' of the roast beef!
Amigo turned right then pulled into a parking space, in front of Joey's Meat House. It seemed like a good place.
After Amigo parked his van, he turned off the ignition. After scanning the area, he removed the keys from the ignition.
Amigo rolled down his window six inches, then grinned at me. I assumed that he wanted me to stay behind. No problem. As long as I got my food, everything would be just fine.
Some humans are outright stupid. They park their vehicles in the blistering sun, without rolling down any of the windows. Then, they go shopping while their companion animal's dying of heat exhaustion. Dogs pant, and sweat from their paws. That's it! We cats have our own problems, being left out in the heat. Don't forget the extreme cold.
When it's hot outside, a vehicle's interior can become a furnace. Sometimes, the animal therein dies an agonizing death.
In order to correct this problem, one of the car windows should be slightly ajar. But then, insects love to slurp animal blood. Therefore, precautions must be taken against this. Furthermore, a car should never be parked directly under sunlight, during the warmer months.
We decided to bypass the restaurant, in favor of Johnson's Supermarket. Johnson's Supermarket was very large, beautiful, and contained incredible stockpiles of food.
Amigo exited his van then walked to Johnson's Supermarket. Meanwhile, I was drooling like a hungry lioness. There was nothing on my mind but food and liquids.
A short while later, Amigo returned to his van carrying a couple of grocery bags. Although I was excited about eating, I noticed that Amigo's left hand appeared more frigid, swollen, and sickly-looking. My suspicions became unbearable after seeing Amigo carrying both grocery bags in his right hand.
As Amigo got closer to his van, I also noticed that he'd developed rings underneath his eyes. The long trip had taken a toll on him. In fact, he was sweating bricks.
Amigo entered his van then gently placed both grocery bags beside me. Then, his cell phone rang. He waited until the third ring before answering.
It was apparent from the onset of the conversation that something was wrong. Amigo kept glancing at me. Then, his face paled. A few seconds later, it reddened.
I knew it was bad news. Bad news for me, that is. Was the person on the other end of the line a cat-hater? I asked myself.
Look, this person had never laid eyes on me. How could he/she have hated me?!
"Jake, please don't say that! My friend Jody's a sweet kitty. I love her! Yes, I want to bring her with me to our secret location in California!
No way! I can't accept that! You can't stop me! What will you do to her?!" asked Amigo.
Amigo turned his cell phone off then lowered his head. He looked like a defeated/humiliated man.
I figured the person on the other end of the line was tougher than Amigo. Amigo wasn't being forthright with me. I wondered why?
"Jody, I'm very sorry. I have to drop you off at the nearest town. But, I'll make sure that the town's near a large city, just in case you become bored with small town life. Please don't hate me. I have no choice in the matter. I love you, like my own flesh and blood," said Amigo.
Amigo was now crying. I comforted him then spoke my mind.
"Amigo, I promise to always remember you as an incredible friend. Cat's honor, I'll stand by my every word. Amigo, you're the cream-of-the-crop.
"Please, Jody, understand my predicament. Just look at my wrist! It's swollen. I've got freaking partial paralysis in my wrist!
Jody, please forgive me! I lied to you. Not about my cat friend, or my parents. I pumped myself up, so you'd respect me. In reality, I've committed many criminal acts. Also, I'd worked in treacherous and criminal jobs.
Jody, I used to work in a meat packing plant. Times were a bit rough, back in those days. The 'Administration' sent out recruits to hire 'special workers'. They preferred individuals who were either illegal, couldn't speak ‘the language’ well, a bit stupid, extremely desperate, or felons. If you had all the aforementioned characteristics, you had a guaranteed job.
Although I was a citizen and spoke the language fluently, I did the job anyway. You see, I have a criminal record. I actually did hard time for selling drugs, pimping, and grand theft larceny. I'm a career criminal.
Luckily, this packing plant was notorious for hiring criminals, and 'others'.
The work was often dangerous and exhausting. I cut slabs of meat all day long. Sometimes I worked deep into the night. After a month on the job, I began to feel pain in my left wrist.
Anyhow, I went to see the supervisor about my problem. I explained to him, in detail, what was happening. I also told him about some of the other workers' physical and mental ailments.
My supervisor called me a lazy freaking sloth! In addition, he told me that I could never be a 'true person'. Finally, my supervisor told me that my job had no benefits. Below minimum wage, and that's freaking all!
After my supervisor had finished humiliated me, the owner of the meat packing plant entered the supervisor's office.
The owner was mean, cold, and blunt. He threatened me, point blank! He told me that if I ever tried to lodge a complaint against the plant, I'd be fired on the spot. Worse yet, he'd send the 'big boys' to take care of me. Then, he told me to be a 'good idiot'.
Finally, he made some horrific racial remarks about my heritage. He called me a 'citizen foreigner'.
Jody, I'd seen the big boys. Plant workers called them 'recalcitrant busters'. Jody, they're tough and really uglylooking. Just like in the movies. Stories about them had been told by other workers.
Jody, I was always hungry, confused, and lonely! I needed money, badly! At the plant, payment was in cash; small bills and many coins. I had to endure exhaustion, lack of sleep, sharp wrist pain, and incredible amounts of racism. It was so bad the low-level workers discriminated against each other.
After two years on the job, my left wrist began to stiffen and swell, to the point of outright intolerance. My right wrist was much better. However, that wasn't enough to keep me on the job. Meat packers must be fast, accurate, and machine-like. Well, like automatons. Also, we had to be able to endure extreme monotony. We got one short break every four or so hours. So, if you had to pee or poop, you did it in your pants. Or, you learned how to hold it back.