November 16, 2001: A Death Row Conversation with Jesus by Michael Toney Robert, the man in the cell next to mine is on death watch. He will be executed tomorrow evening at six o'clock. He cried all night last night and most of the day today, but now I hear him talking. This is what I hear:
Robert: Who are you? How did you get in here?
Jesus: My name is Jesus.
Robert: How did you get in here?
Jesus: You cried out to me and I came.
Robert: Jesus, whoever you are, I don't know you and I didn't cry out to you.
Jesus: I'm Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I do know you and I love you. I want to be your Lord and Saviour.
Robert: What do you mean, you know me and love me and what's this about wanting to be my Saviour? Tomorrow at 6 PM I will be executed and nobody can save me.
Jesus: You can have eternal life.
Robert: I've seen a lot of human beings strapped to that gurney and injected with poison. None of them have lived.
Jesus: Many of them have accepted the gift of eternal life and are now living in Paradise with me.
Robert: My brother talked about you all the time but he died a few years ago. He would come visit me and tell me about forgiveness and Heaven but I didn't pay any attention.
Jesus: I saw your brother today. He's always asking me to come see you but I couldn't until you called out to me.
Robert: My brother is alive? Where is he?
Jesus: Yes, he is very much alive. He lives with me in Heaven and you can too.
Robert: What do you mean I can too?
Jesus: I love you. I died on the cross to pay for your sins so that you can have eternal life.
Robert: If you died on the cross then how are you in this death row cell with me now? You seem very much alive to me.
Jesus: I rose on the third day after I died on the cross.
Robert: I remember being taught that when I was a child. My mother took me to church but I haven't been in a church since I was five years old.
Jesus: I know you haven't been to church in twenty-five years. I know everything about you, even how many hairs are on your head.
Robert: If you know everything about me, you know that I have been a terrible man, a mean and angry man.
Jesus: You can be forgiven for all the bad things you have done.
Robert: What about murder? Can I be forgiven for that?
Jesus: Yes, you can be forgiven for murder. Trust me, sin is sin and you can be forgiven.
Robert: What do you want from me?
Jesus: I want your life.
Robert: But I only have twelve hours left to live.
Jesus: In that twelve hours I will fill that void in your heart with love, peace and happiness.
Robert: What do I have to do?
Jesus: The first step is written in Mark chapter 11, verses twenty-five and twenty-six. Open your Bible and read what is written.
Robert: I haven't opened this book in years. I don't understand all the ye's, thee's and thou's.
Jesus: Read what is written.
Robert: ―And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.‖ I don't understand it. Can you explain it to me in plain language?
Jesus: If you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father who is in Heaven may forgive you.
Robert: You mean I have to forgive everyone?
Jesus: Yes, everyone.
Robert: Even my enemies?
Jesus: Everyone. You can hold nothing against anyone.
Robert: I have to forgive the judge, the jury, the people that want me dead and even the people that are going to kill me?
Jesus: Everyone.
Robert: Now I have a lot of questions.
Jesus: We have eleven hours and forty-five minutes. Depending on your decision, we may have eternity to answer your questions.
Robert: You say I have to forgive them but don't they have to forgive me?
Jesus: If they want to be forgiven and accept the gift of eternal life they must forgive you.
Robert: They want me dead.
Jesus: They're wrong to want you dead. To want someone dead is the same as murder.
Robert: So the judge, the jury and anyone else that wants me to be executed are murderers?
Jesus: Yes. Vengeance belongs to the Father only.
Robert: But some of them are Christian and go to church every Sunday.
Jesus: Going to church doesn't make someone a Christian. Anyone that wants you to be executed is not a Christian, yet.
Robert: If wanting someone dead is murder then common sense tells me the death penalty is wrong. It's murder. Why does God allow it to continue? Why does he allow injustice and even the execution of the innocent? I know of innocent people that have been executed. The man in the next cell is innocent.
Jesus: Because He loves you because He is all loving.
Robert: I don't understand that at all.
Jesus: When the Father created mankind He gave them free will. He wants mankind to love Him and each other of their own free will. It's that free will that allows people to make mistakes such as the death penalty. Humanity is slow to learn. It‘s all part of His plan. To be a Christian is to forgive and be forgiven by the Father You must be sincere.
Robert: Come to think of it, there's no reason not to forgive but every reason to forgive.
Jesus: Absolutely right.
Robert: All of a sudden I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Here I am, eleven hours left to live and I have a big smile on my face.
Jesus: (Laughs) Feels good to forgive, doesn't it?
Robert: It's amazing! I'm ready to take the next step.
Jesus: Now that your heart is full of forgiveness you can ask God to forgive your sins and to be your Lord and Saviour.
Robert: All I have to do is ask?
Jesus: Yes, and mean it with all your heart.
Robert: Lord Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive me for all my sins. I open the door to my heart and receive you as my Lord and Saviour. Thank you for giving me eternal life. Make me the person you want me to be. Take control of my life. Amen.
Jesus: You have the gift of eternal life Robert.
Robert: I feel better than I have ever felt in my life.
Jesus: I love you and I'll never abandon you.
This conversation with Jesus is fiction but it is also very real. Forgiveness is the key to happiness and eternal life. Without it we have nothing.
November 20, 2001: Letter from Michael to Mr. Bill
Hello Mister Bill,
I hope and pray this correspondence reaches you having a very good day. I'm as well as this place will allow. For the time being, I'm being punished for ―attempting to give another prisoner something to read.‖ It's a stupid rule but a rule no less. An officer in training cited me despite other guards telling him not to. They've taken my typewriter, radio, coffee pot, etc. away until February 1. I've appealed to the warden bit it has been two weeks without an answer.
Mister Bill, someone sent me the email addresses to all the pro-bono law clinics. Would you mind putting an email together and sending it to them. Maybe one of them will be willing to help. I would ask Denise but she doesn't know the case as well as you, plus she was just promoted so she'll be very busy for awhile. If you can help with this please be sure to explain that the State had to concoct a theory of ―transferred intent‖ to be able to convict without any evidence and that Meeks has retracted his testimony and stated that he was told what to say.
I wrote to all the lawyers and Pro Bono Clinics that SA recommended but they all stated ―We don't take Texas cases.‖ or ―We have too many cases.‖ I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Your brother in Christ,
Michael
December 6, 2001: Mr. Bill: Pursuant to Michael's request, I sent emails to the following 22
universities with law school Pro Bono programs requesting their representation of Michael in an appeal for a re-trial of his case: Fordham: Thomas Schoenherr, Georgetown: Holly Eaton, University of Minnesota: Susan Curry, New York University: Vicki Eastus, South Carolina: Pamela Robinson, Southern Methodist University: Rebecca Greenan, Tulane: Julie Jackson, University of California: Cathy Mayorkas, Columbia: Ellen Chapnick, University of Florida: Kathy Urbach, Harvard: Alexa Shabecoff, Hofstra: Paulette Fagen, Howard: Nkechi Taifa, Loyola: Beth Sosler, University of Michigan: Rob Precht, St. Mary's University: Joaquin Amaya Jr., New York Law School: Adjua Starks, Nova Southeastern: Terry Sexton, University of Pennsylvania: Susan Feathers, Temple: Karen Forman, University of Texas: Eden Harrington, Yale: Theresa Bryant, and University of Houston Law Center: Merle M. Morris. The emails that I sent were not sent in vain--the University of Houston responded and was instrumental in getting the ball rolling to obtain legal representation for Michael and the re-trial of his case.
January 5, 2002: Letter from Michael to Mr. Bill
Dear Mister Bill:
I hope this reaches you and yours having a good day. Tonight I received M's email that you sent.
Thank you for being so much help. Thank you seems very inadequate. As always I have a response for M. I have to set her mind at ease after upsetting her. I have a tendency to do that even though it's not deliberate. I should be able to get some stamps this coming week and then won't be so bothersome. Have you any news from Denise? I haven't. Can you get me the address to the Fort Worth Nature Center and maybe the name of the director? (Mr. Bill: It was no problem obtaining this information since the person in question was my next-door neighbor!) I need to ask them a very important question.
Michael
January 5, 2002: Email from Michael to MB in France forwarded by Mr. Bill Hello M:
I received your email via Mister Bill and I now realize it is probably just the slow mail because of the holidays that are keeping me from having money on my account. I know the mail is very slow right now because last night and the night before I received many cards that were postmarked in early December. Also I received a huge package from Blackstone containing all my texts (for a paralegal course) but who paid the account in full? You said it wouldn't be paid in full until February. Someone gave me a wonderful Christmas gift but they're not telling me. This made me very happy. I realized just how far ahead of schedule I am, as far as completing the course and getting the diploma/certificate. Schaffer cannot send you copies of his letters to me because of ―confidentiality.‖ He can't really tell you anything because to do so is a violation of attorney ethics (Mr. Bill: Attorney ethics is an oxymoron.) and could cause you to become a witness. It's difficult to explain. I'll have to tell you everything but not much through the mail because it is all censored and copied for the State. I can tell you that I received a letter from Josh (Josh Schaffer, Michael's new attorney after Strickland resigned) and the 4,000 is going to be used to have a forensic psychologist come here to interview me and polygraph test me. That's a digital test that is used to determine if a person is being truthful or not. Primarily the experts he is referring to are investigation experts and possibly tests for Kim and Meeks if we can somehow get them to agree (Mr. Bill: Lest we have forgotten- Kim and Meeks were the two State liars whose coerced, fabricated and perjured testimony was used to wrongfully convict Michael of capital murder.) Tena must set up a meeting with Randy and Josh to have a plan of action. She has to do EXACTLY what them and I tell her to do not what she thinks is so important. (Mr.
Bill: Michael is exhibiting his tendencies to be an anal control freak here.) The lawyers say the exact opposite of her and they know what they are talking about. We may very well have to prove who committed the crime. I'll explain everything to Tim so he can relay it to you. I'm anxious to see him. When is he coming? Have you seen the film about Randell Dale Adams called: ―The Thin Blue Line?‖ This is the story about him getting off DR and about Schaffer proving his innocence.
Love,
Michael
April 5, 2002: Letter from Michael to Mr. Bill
Hello Mister Bill:
I hope and pray this letter reaches you and your family having an exceptionally blessed day and you having had a very happy birthday. What is 39? (smile) I'm as well as is possible. If it makes any sense, I'm better than the best and worse than the rest. I apologize for the long silence, I didn't want to get you caught up in my depression and troubles so I took some time to get my head together, or I should say, try to get my head together. This situation has caused me to be very paranoid which causes me to react poorly to anything that seems untrue. The fact is, I'm absolutely scared to death of lies of any kind and I often think I'm being lied to. Not by you or any other specific person just in general. I'll spare you the details.
I want you to know the defense fund account will be used and you didn't open it for no reason.
The only reason it hasn't been used as of yet is that the fund raising has been very slow. Since the 12,000 that was paid to the investigator we've only raised an additional 7500.00 or so. None of it has been raised here in the U.S. so we won't make any transfers until more is raised because of exchange rates and transfer fees. Besides, we may be hiring trial lawyers rather than appeal attorneys. This brings me to the good news I mentioned in your birthday card. In January I received a letter from the Dallas Morning News Fort Worth office in which they wrote something to the effect: ―Your conviction and death sentence are going to be overturned by the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals because of a serious error made during your trial in regards to the judge's instructions to the jury on how to deliberate. It's taking an unusually long time for the court to reveal their decision but this can be attributed to the fact that it is a rare full reversal and it is a local election year.‖ They told me this because they want an interview as soon as the decision is revealed to the public but I was very leery of believing it to be true and even more afraid of getting my hopes up but they went on to describe the error which is the issue on
―transferred intent‖ that allowed the jury to convict without any evidence. So, obviously they have a very good source of information. Then just a couple of weeks ago I received a letter from Robert Tharp who is another Dallas Morning News staff writer that I talked with a few months ago. He wrote the same thing but only said: ―It is my understanding that your case has a very good chance of being reversed at which time the new evidence will become extremely valuable.‖
So it seems there is some truth to all of this. Plus it is very strange that the court hasn't rendered a decision yet. They've had the case for 2 1/2 years and people that came to D/R a year after me have already had their convictions affirmed.
If I'm reading the law correctly they must reveal the decision before May 15th. They released the opinions on Wednesdays. You can access their web site if you would like to see the opinion once it‘s released. Denise has the address (URL) and case number.
By the way, Denise had knee surgery last week and has been off of work since because she had some seizures afterward. I don't know when you last heard from her but she has been promoted to assistant manager and has opened a new branch out in Southlake.
That's about all that has happened lately. The most exciting thing that has happened in my life is being moved from one cell to another because the cell door wouldn't lock. For almost two months I was in a cell with no locking door! And that's the second time it has happened. When we were first transferred to this new state of the art 65 million dollar waste of tax payer money, the cell door would come open all by itself a half dozen times a day. This whole place is JUNK!
It leaks when it rains, the plumbing is always screwed up as well as the electricity.
Well Mister Bill, I'm going to close this very belated letter and send it on its way. Once again I thank you for all your help and believe me it's not in vain.
Michael
Mr. Bill: On May 22, 2002, The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals affirmed the judgment of the original kangaroo trial court and rejected Michael's appeal for a new trial. It was back to the drawing board time for me and the Cowboy.
July 22, 2002: The Key to Heaven by Michael Toney
I know many of my friends do not believe in God. While I don't understand their belief or lack of, I respect their decision but I won't portray myself as someone I'm not. You're probably wondering, ―What is he talking about?‖ Well, in the last year or so I've been asked not to write so much about Jesus because I could alienate some of my friends and most recently a very dear friend who is creating a new web site for me and my cause asked me to write something each week to be posted on the site but not about God because it could hurt our credibility. I've thought about that for the last few weeks and I don't comprehend her rationale. Is she saying that God has no credibility or that I have no credibility because of my faith in Jesus? I don't know the answer but I look forward to asking her when she visits me next week.
I don't intend to alienate anyone but if I was to leave Jesus out of everything I write there would be nothing. I love Jesus not only for what He did for me but also for all of you. As far as credibility, isn't that when the majority believes the same as you do? My research shows that 90% of French citizens are Christian and about the same number of U.S. citizens. With that in mind, I'd like to share a conversation I had with a volunteer protestant minister that came to the front of my cell and offered me a Baptist newspaper. The man had a look of dread and fear on his face so I though I'd set him at ease by engaging him in a conversation. It was his first time inside death row and this is how the conversation went.
Michael: You said your name is John but did you say you're a member of the Baptist Church or Church of Christ?
John: Baptist.
Michael: Are you a Christian?
John: Of course. I just told you I'm a member of the Baptist Church.
Michael: I'm sorry. I don't understand how that makes you a Christian. I know many that belong to Pentecostal, Lutheran, Methodist, Church of Christ and dozens of other protestant churches as well as the Catholic Church that aren't Christians. In fact I don't even think they know what being a Christian is.
John: I'm a Christian. I've accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.
Michael: Really?
John: Absolutely.
Michael: You said that you accepted Him but has He accepted you?
John: Of course he has.
Michael: That's interesting but I'm not so certain. Why do you hate me?
John: I don't hate you.
Michael: You don't! Well then why do you want my life to be terminated?
John: I don't hate you but the Baptist Church is pro death penalty and the Bible says: ―An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.‖
Michael: It sure does, but wasn't that before Jesus?
John: Yes...but...
Michael: God's law has evolved over thousands of years, but it's the law of Jesus that applies since He walked the earth, was executed, resurrected and ascended to Heaven. Yes, He was executed but back then they called it crucifixion. Do you know what Jesus preached?
John: Yes...but...
Michael: Jesus' word was and for eternity will be love, peace, compassion, empathy and forgiveness. Are you sure you really know Jesus and that He has accepted you or are you just a Baptist?
John: The Bible says I only have to ask for forgiveness for my sins and accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. I've done that.
Michael: Well John, you've only got it about half right which means you are half wrong and I believe that half wrong will keep you separated from God.
John: Where am I wrong?
Michael: First of all, you told me He has forgiven you but you didn't say anything about your forgiving others first. I can deduce that you haven't forgiven others or you wouldn't be pro death penalty. God cannot forgive you until you forgive everyone that has ever wronged you. We cannot expect God to forgive us when we continue to have anger, hatred, animosity and all those other negative thoughts and feelings. He said ―Love your enemy and your neighbor‖ which means you can't hate anyone.
John: Hmm...
Michael: You said you don't hate me but you believe I should be killed. I personally don't believe that's possible. I don't think that we can forgive someone and still want them dead. If we want someone dead it's the same as murder.
John: But the Bible says...
Michael: I know it says we must follow God's law and the law of man but as I'm sure you know man's law often contradicts God's law because mankind is not perfect, only God is. Man is very slow to learn and because something is man's law doesn't mean its right. Man doesn't have the right to determine who has the right to live and who must be killed. Only God does! The fact is it is NEVER right to take the life of another.
John: You've taught me a lot in the last few minutes and I understand what you mean about me not being a Christian.
Michael: I haven't taught you anything. I've only helped you to find what is already inside of you and I didn't say you're not a Christian. I merely asked you if you are absolutely certain you are a Christian.
John: I know but I realize I'm not.
Michael: Do you still want me to be killed?
John: NO!
Michael: I'm glad you don't but even if you said yes I would still love you and forgive you.
That's what being a Christian is. Do you mind if I tell you something else?
John: Sure, anything. I've learned more in thirty minutes talking to you than I have in all my life in the church.
Michael: Well, you haven't really learned from me but from Jesus. You see I strive to be like Him so that you see Him in me. John, I'm completely innocent of the crime I am condemned to death for. The jury was lied to and they made the wrong decision because of the lies. Don't take me wrong. I've been a bad person through most of my life and it took this dire situation to cause me to really seek out Jesus but I'm not a murderer. Do you believe me?
John: Yes, I do.
Michael: Even if you didn't believe me I would love you and forgive you but I'm happy you do believe me. It's very important to me but why do you believe me?
John: Because I see the love of Jesus in your eyes and I hear Him in your voice and in your words. Your innocence is obvious in everything you say and in your obvious sincerity.
Michael: Did you know that Pontius Pilate told the people, ―I find no guilt in this man.‖ before he handed Jesus over to be executed?
John: I know. He was innocent.
Michael: I asked you that to show you that humanity is slow to learn and we're still making the same mistakes. Actually Jesus is the only truly innocent man to ever walk the earth but he was executed by man. While Jesus was on the cross He said: ―Father forgive them for they know not what they do.‖ I'd like for you to think about those all important words.
Michael: Do you understand why Jesus said those words and exactly what he meant?
John: I already understand what you mean. I can't believe it. I came to death row to minister to the condemned and I end up being ministered to by the condemned. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Michael: It shouldn't surprise you to find Jesus inside a place where men are condemned to death. He was executed! John, why did you come here?
John: I thought I was coming here to minister to the men here and to comfort their souls but now I'm not so sure that was my real reason. Maybe I was doing it for myself. I don't know. The way I feel right now, I was directed by Jesus.
Michael: Let me ask you another question before you leave. I don't need to know the answer but I'd like for you to meditate on the question and pray about the answer.
John: Sure ask anything.
Michael: Don't take my question out of context because the purpose is to provoke thought only.
If someone was to, God forbid, take the life of one of your children could you forgive the murderer?
John: No! I don't think so.
Michael: So you would rather carry your vindictive hatred to your grave and be eternally separated from God and your child in Heaven? John, a Christian knows life on earth is very short but eternity in Heaven is...FOREVER. Death doesn't really exist to a Christian.
THE KEY TO HEAVEN IS FORGIVENESS!
I don't know if John will ever come back to death row but I do know I saw Jesus stirring in his eyes as he was leaving.
Mr. Bill: I dismiss this mimeographed composition as another one of Michael's metaphysical fictional diversions. Michael is a gifted writer and he really had me going there for a moment because he was pushing all of my religious buttons and talking the talk but he lost me there at the very last. Michael's last words to the fictional John were a thinly veiled allusion to Susan Blount.
Susan, I apologize for Michael's insensitivity and tackiness. Your feelings toward Michael Toney will not hinder you from a reunion with your daughter and husband in Heaven. God bless you Susan Blount.
August 9, 2002: Letter from Michael to Mr. Bill
Dear Mister Bill:
I hope and pray this letter reaches you and your family having a good day. I'd like to be able to inform you that I am well but it wouldn't be the truth. To say the least, I've been an absolute nervous wreck because of the federal judge's decisions, etc. He ordered my Federal Appeal filed within 35 days when I'm supposed to have 1 year from the date the U.S. Supreme Court denied my petition for review which hasn't even happened yet. He also appointed Strickland which is as bad as giving me a ―death warrant.‖ Finally, during the conference call I told the judge about having money so THANK GOD he denied the motion to proceed as a pauper which in effect stopped all court orders. Now we are talking with lawyers from up north which I don't particularly like the idea but I agree I need lawyers from outside Texas. It must happen very FAST though. Strickland wanted us to forward him 50,000 to 75,000 dollars...NO WAY!
Mister Bill, I need your help with a few things. What's new right? I am completely disgusted with the way things have been happening and NOT happening with E. I know she has a lot of personal problems but I'm completely convinced she is aiding the enemy. It's as if she has to get permission from someone before she does anything to help me. She refuses to send me copies of legal documents and stuff I have written for magazines that they are waiting for and then there's the MONEY problem. ―ACCOUNTING IRREGULARITIES‖ to say the least. Sometimes it takes me two and three months to get money from her after it arrives. She says things like:
―Well, my water bill came the same day as the money.‖ or ―It's too tempting.‖ Just last week she said ―It's too tempting.‖ and then a few days later 500.00 came up missing. It wouldn't be so bad as far as the money goes because God knows I would give it to her if she would ask but she doesn't even come see me and when I ask pertinent questions she ignores me. It's caused me MANY problems I cannot tell you about in this letter. I don't think she understands the magnitude of the consequences on me. About the 500.00, because of the on going problems my friend had 3 500.00 cashiers checks sent to E and 3 500.00 cashiers checks sent to my friend Edwin. All the money to Edwin arrived with no problem. That 1500.00 is being posted to E in cashiers checks payable to the defense fund. I know she has deposited 500.00 into the account and possibly another 500.00 by now. Two small checks are being returned because they (the bank) charge 50.00 each to cash them. E doesn't understand that I'm just trying to prove my innocence and stay alive and live the best life I can while I'm in this hell hole. IT‘S NOT EASY!
I have to stay busy which is why I write and why I've begun taking the law courses which she screwed that up too. She enrolled me in the reduced rate plan which would make it impossible for me to complete before GOD forbid I am murdered. I'm trying to get that problem corrected.
****
Mr. Bill: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive! As I mentioned previously, E's husband was not aware that she was helping M