The Beginning by 4E Inc - HTML preview

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The Way Out

Mostly I feel as if I need to release what's on the inside. To take a sharp object to my wrists and let my body dive. To the ground in one lifeless thud.
Let me lay lifeless in the mud.
I don't want to get up I don't need to see the rest of my life. It doesn't matter to me how it goes because I took the way out with a knife. It's what I needed to do, it's what I wanted.
Always walking with a fake smile is what is flaunted.

I never wanted to live another moment having to deal with any of that. I would rather cock it load it and listen to my brains go splat. It's my way out, follow me if you want I won't deny. That the way I'm heading is down, always an forever never touching the sky. All my life I just wanted something different I wanted to be someone. But yet it never happens that way all I can do is be a nobody just a son. Even that I don't want to be, as it's the life that I'm having to leave. Since I know that when I leave is when I'll finally succeed.

- Shane Diamond
Pull The Trigger

The voices in my head are begging me to go ahead. To take a deep breath and to commit myself to the dead. Don't let the people on the outside win. Come continue your life of sin.
No matter what the case.
Just pull the trigger in any place.
It don't matter if it's in doors or out.
Just be sure to let the soul hang around to hear the women shout. It doesn't matter anymore.
My life is just a bore.

I couldn't stand to live another day. It's not like the voices had to say much in order to sway. Myself from doing something such as this. But now as I lay dead everyone can start to reminess

- Shane Diamond
Mitlom

The Hitler mother is always trying to run the show. Trying to tell you which way to turn and where to go. Wanting to run every aspect of your life even though hers fell apart. It's not like it really does mean anything since yours has been shitty from the start. With her calling the shots and thinking that she knows whats best. Is the truly wrong thing to think since she doesn't let you rest. Haunting your mind and the thoughts you think.
You could drown her out but that'll make you have a drink. Battery Acid & Windshield Wash is the only drink to do the trick. Unless your the favorite son if thats the case then she'll suck a dick.

Never thinking twice about her actions, but never thinking about you. She'll run her mouth and make you turn blue. With sadness and depression which she'll be the cause of. She won't give a fuck because your the outlet for all of her problems. No mathematical equation can ever solve this riddle. No matter what you do she always claims that you sit and twiddle. Your thumbs on a constant rotation.
She will talk shit about you an she'll think it's motivation.

Be warned as you may have a Mitlom near.
Can't Stand It

Everyday it's the same fucking thing.
Bitching and crabbing from the moment you walk in the door till I goto bed.
If I go too early you'll scream louder.
No matter what I do it's like your looking over my shoulder. I can't stand it living my life like this having you attempt to run it. I know life really does suck shit.
Why does mine have to continue to get worse.
Just leave me the fuck alone before I find myself in a Hurst. I can no longer stand this I can't take much more.
You better fucking believe I have been getting sore.
Trying to please you which isn't fucking possible since all you do is find something else. Something I have done since I never read your mind.
If I could I know I wouldn't like what I would find.
Nothing but treat me like shit.
Abuse me so much I'd take a self inflicted hit.
Don't give him a chance to speak.
Let him sit alone in the dark at his computer so you can call him a geek. Tell him he has no life.
Tell him that he'll never grow up an get a wife.
The girl who he dates won't like him if he stays this way. But what you don't know is tomorrow maybe the fucking day.

The House Of Horrors

I never thought I would think this bout the house I grew up in. Living in a house full of anger doin many things that'd be considered a sin. Not knowing what else to do as I grow up just trying to have myself survive. Thinking that things can't get much worse but they did as I got older an more alive. As I grew older things came down harder.
The distance between me an those around grew further. Further apart as it seems that they couldn't reach me. When they looked into my eyes my dreams they couldn't see.

I always kept things hidden from those around me never wanting to take part. In anything that they wanted me to be involved in as I've always had dreams from the start. I could never understand why they always try to be my friend. As they've tried this till the end.

No longer shall they become that or be considered that. As I keep my self hidden under my hood an hat. Always have it turned to the back.
Never talking to anyone who was in the house of horrors. One day I'll get my revenge and I'll be evening the scores.

- Shane Diamond
No Escape

There's no escape, never anywhere to run.
It began ever since we moved into the house.
Not knowing what my fate was as I always continued to be as silent as a mouse.

There's no escape, never anywhere to run. Close your eyes and rest in peace it's soon be all done.
There's no escape, never anywhere to run. The emotional roller coaster is never any fun.

There never is any escape.
Living in a house surrounded by the police yellow tape. I don't know where to begin or where to end. Growing up with nobody to be my friend. The darkness was always kind.
In it is the compassion in which I would find.

There's no escape, never anywhere to run. Close your eyes and rest in peace it's soon be all done.
There's no escape, never anywhere to run. The emotional roller coaster is never any fun.

I woke up one day thinking that my life has changed. When the phone rang I was about to find out that my life was even more deranged. I've became a mindless soul with a blank stare.
They have labeled it the death glare.
No emotion goes on my face.
No single movement shall go about the place.
It's just like I want that person dead.
As the satanic thoughts would roam through out my head.

There's no escape, never anywhere to run. Close your eyes and rest in peace it's soon be all done.
There's no escape, never anywhere to run. The emotional roller coaster is never any fun.

Everyone shall be terrorfied when my darkness comes.
Unwanted Feeling

The feeling of being unwanted is always around. No matter if I'm out sluggin wood or if I'm just sitting on the ground. Nobody wants me around this house.
Even though I'm the one who doesn't even squeak like a mouse. Sitting alone in his room, no lights on.
But that's enough for them to find something to complain about and bitch on. I could be dead and they would still complain to the ghostly image. I can't do any good, I'm worthless, I'm unwanted. I just want to be alone.
Let me hide where the sun won't be shown.
Just let me sit in the dark.
Or even be homeless in the park.

I'm just unwanted no matter where I go.
Unless I'm in her arms but that's been ruin last time I go. The phone rang an got bitched at till I came home. Just to continue to get bitched at an hear it in my head when I'm alone.

This unwanted feeling seems to stick.
- Shane Diamond
60 Minutes

The countdown is on.
Within 60 minutes the bitchfest shall commence. Nothing I do is ever right.
You can't even imagine what I go through while I write. I try to explain it but words just won't work.
When I was in school I was always labeled a dork. Sitting near a computer or having my book opened at all times. Writing down ideas from my mind including the odd rhyme. None of that lasted till this very day.
Actually only one did, but the trouble it caused wouldn't go away. But the words I write, isn't things that I can speak. Since I'm shy an even though most call me a computer geek. I could never speak my own mind with my voice, I would clam up. Getting all quiet and tired of being told to shut the fuck up. Always screaming louder than I can.
I do have two legs but on them I can not stand. I always get pushed down.
Sitting on the ground always looking up with a frown. Tears in my eyes as if you wouldn't see.
Although the ones who pushed me down would be as happy as happy can be. Within 60 minutes all this will happen.
Not to mention the verbal slappin.
I can no longer take this abuse.
For this there really is no excuse.

Confusion

Everything at times makes me confused, never know what to do. I never know if I feel grey or if I really feel blue.
Always had a tough time making up my mind.
Just like times I have trouble finding the right words to write a rhyme. It never is easy being me.
All alone in the cold dark world, to much bullshit to topple down on me. If I could I would change my life for the better.
Change my life from looking like a block of swiss, to looking like a block of gold. Half the time I don't know if what I do is really right. Most of my emotions I can't let out verbally so I just write. I never know who I am or where I'm coming from when I speak. At times I just wonder if I'm just a computer geek. To have hopes and dreams that'll always fade away. Always having to go against the grain and have to pave my own way. Sometimes I wish I could deal with this confusion on a better level. Instead of always looking down into a grave while holding a shovel. Wondering if my idea that I just released shall be buried with the rest or rise up. All through my 25 years I've always been a total fuck up.

- Shane Diamond
Scared

I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.
Part of me is panicking because I could have a kid on the way, if signs are true. 25 years old, no father an no job I got allot to learn. My life went from bad to worse over night and it looks like it's no stopping. No matter how much I try it doesn't seem to matter that things have progressed. To the point of more trouble an allot less success.

I'm so scared right now I don't know how to react. Tryin to do stuff without giving anything away. I'm hoping that things will have enough sway. To pull the test from positive to negative. The days count down as if it's my last day on earth. Pulling me back to the point of having to go through my rebirth. Coming into this world not knowing what is ahead of me. Not knowing what's going on or what lays ahead. I'm scared as I feel like everybody already knows the results. Even though the test has yet to be done.
I don't think that it really matters as all signs point to yes. Which really means that I have to find another way to be a success. Something to get money and get it quick. Be sure to keep both hands on my dick.
Can't be busting anymore don't need another kid on the way. I'm so fucking scared that I don't know what else to say.

Out In The Cold

When I see the results of this test it means I'm out. Out in the cold with the rest of the homeless. Abandon by all who brought me into this world. No Christmas, Not even a birthday. Nothing in this fucking world could possibly save me. Once I see the test that reads positive. I know that I'm out in the cold with no love that is.

The baby is most definitely mine, nobody else has been in this girl. She's the greatest girl in the world and I feel like I've ruined her world. To have everything going so up come down with a huge crash. Now she's going to be having my baby, an here I am with no cash. The only thing that I will be getting is a cold shoulder and a tongue lashing. From everybody who finds out and by anyone who steps forth in my presence. I never know what the fuck are we going to do. We have little to no time and nothing is working out for you know who.

I can't even imagine what I could do to sway the test. This girl an that baby truly do deserve the best.
Unfortunately I can not provide.
The only thing I can do right now is ride.
Myself on down deeper to the depths below.
Since I don't even want to think about me being homeless with no where to go.

I'm out and I'm trapped like a mouse without a house. Not knowing where to turn, not needing to think bout the deep south. I never knew how fucked up my life could have got. I should have kept myself on out, instead of bustin that cum shot.

Cardboard City

To cardboard city is where I shall roam.
Always to wonder with no phone an no home. Can't call anyone I love because that all vanished. Just like the ounce of slime that released up inside of her as she wished. To always be a mother, to have a child of her own. Not knowing how quickly my life could turn so fucking cold on it's own. The four walls in which I may have around me would crumble so quick. As I hit myself I wonder why didn't I put a rubber on my dick. To prevent this from happening, to take a safety precausion. I truly should have done so to have extra caution. Now one false move and I'm falling through this ice. Not knowing anything else other than no longer having a life. All my hopes and dreams vanished in one single squirt.

Now here I am sitting here writing my final words. In hopes of things working out for me and not loosing everything. From everything to nothing and here I am trying to start over. That won't really go just because of the fact that I now have a child. Everything shall change again in a moments notice and there is nothing I can do. I can't do a single thing other than cry over what has happened. Not knowing how bad things are about to get.
Trying to keep things a secret and trying to get everything set.

Nothing Left

I have nothing left everything was taken from me in a moments notice. I never know where the fuck my life is going to lead. I never wanted to see the girl who is going to be my wife ever bleed. To find out that the bleeding was caused by me.
Nothing violent started it, a act of love as I shot a million little soldiers. Up forth into her as we're starting to gain more and more confidence in her. As she's back to just starting to walk, an all this time feelin unloved as we talked. Broken leg brought us closer together.
Brought us deeper into each others lives.
I never could understand why.
A girl could possible love me the way that she says she does. Although now I know that I feel as if all that has changed. Everything that I have ever wanted will be going up in a ball of flame.

- Shane Diamond
Here I Sit

Writing these thoughts in my head.
Hoping that they will resolve themselves through this lead. From the pencil that I write, unable to erase anything that is inside. Just spellin mistakes but they come as time goes. Watching things take shape as my poetry flows.

I never knew what things could have been. I never know why I never did seen.
The future ahead of me and left the past where it was. Not wanting to look ahead nor behind. Always having to walk with the blind. Don't want to see the future.
To focused on the past and current.
Watching it take me away, making me something that I'm not. Watching my soul an corpse begin to rot.

A shell is what I begin holding all the emotions that I can. I never know where to look for help. I never know where to turn when I seek it. The ideas from my head rip me apart from the inside. They tormented thoughts are only here to join the ride.

Here I sit looking down at the blank paper.
Never knowing which voice in my head to trust as they most seem lower than a whisper. Do I, or should I leave it.
Would I or don't I believe it.

What Shall I Do

I never know anymore about what I should do.
The girl who I'm determined to be with for the rest of my life is turning blue. Blue with sadness, as she feels she can't do anything that she wants. Even though everyone can see the smile that her own mother flaunts. Her own mother wanting her to not get better.
So she can be stuck in those four walls forever.
That isn't the life for her, she needs to get out.
Even though at times she wants to scream, break shit and get the fuck out. She doesn't, she keeps herself calm.
Wanting for everything to be better.
When in her life nothing looked any wetter.
The rainy day as the cloud is stuck above her.
Knowing that she is stuck where she is.
But always wanting to go back to that bliss.
The life she enjoyed once before.
The life that never have gotten her so sore.
Never wanting to see the life that she never wanted. Even though the smile on her mother becomes more clear as shes flaunted. Around the house right in front of her own child knowing. That the smile of her own child's torment is showing. But here I sit and I feel like I can't do nothing for my wife. Except to talk to her night after night.
Online as we can't be together.
Since two separate houses with miles apart are keeping her from getting better. Allot of weight has been put onto my shoulders. Got a wife with a broken leg, an I've been fatherless for almost a year. The one year anniversary of the crash is coming up, as I can feel a tear. Wanting to run down my face but I have the notion needing to be strong. Since there are so many people around me crumbling is what I'm doing wrong. I never seem to know wrong from right.
But 99.9% of my feelings cause me to want to write.

New Life

4E Inc is the site to beat
We won't settle for defeat
Blood, sweat and tears,
Releasing truth, fantasy and fears We will be a force to reckon with And our former lives will be only a myth Because here lies a new life and new times A new name and some new rhymes It's all the same cause it's still us Tryin to break free from all the fuss You can say we won't make it But in your face we will spit We will rise to the top
And we won't stop
Cause 4E Inc is the site to beat And we won't settle for defeat.
Puttin in our all to this site
So that everything will come out alright Ain't nothin gonna slow us down Not family or this town
Cause we gonna be on top
And there is nothing that will makes us stop.

Jessica Diamond

 

Gonna Be { Inspired by Fort Minors' song "Be Somebody" }

Gonna be somebody that makes it in this life Gonna be Shanes' wife
Gonna live life the way it should be We're gonna do it, just Shane and me Gonna find a way to make it right Gonna turn all the darkness into light Gonna be someone that you can be proud of And be like your glove
Always there to keep you safe and warm Gonna be there for you through every storm Gonna give all that I can give So that together happily we'll live Gonna be somebody who will stand tall Gonna be somebody who won't let you fall Who will be there every step of the way And hold you every night and day Gonna make it, just you and I Never lookin back and askin why We're gonna be strong, gonna succeed We're not gonna follow, we're gonna lead

Jessica Diamond

 

Deal With It

All ya do is bitch an crab
Makin my life so drab
Why can't ya just let me be
I'm not happy here, why can't ya see Ya want control of my life
But I refuse to give up my knife
My knife is not real
But it shows how I feel
Like I'm trapped so I won't give up without a fight Cause deep down ya know I'm right Ya make my life hell cause ya won't let me live So with my knife, my life I shall give All ya do is bitch an crab
Makin my life so drab
Why can't I just be me
Why can't ya see
That my life is what I want to live And I'm tired of ya always taking while all I do is give That's it,I'm tired of ya shit
I'm done, goodbye, deal with it.

Jessica Diamond

 

Escape

When all is said and done When there's no more time for fun I will find my way
I will seize the day
I will escape this life I hate so much I will throw down life's crutch And there will be no more of me Nothing left for you to see You don't know how I feel You don't know the deal I made so long ago in the dead of night To give up this brutal fight To find my escape from you And all the shit you do
I'm living for me not you I'm tired of that shit you do Tired of how you are
Tired of happiness being so far From reach for me
So this is all you'll see
When I'm gone
Read my words at dusk or dawn Don't matter to me
Cause this is my escape.

Time Has Come

Sittin here, nothin to do
Except spend hours, thinkin about you How did we get here
Why am I now so consumed with fear What does the future hold
And why do I always feel like I'm being told What to do and who to love
Putting me below and them above No more, I won't have it
If that's how life is, then I quit
I want my life to be mine
If this is wrong then show me a sign Nothing comin my way
So today must be the day
That I start over again and live for me Out in the open for all to see
I want to think about you
I want to be part of all you do
I'm tired of doin what they say Tired of having to stay
In a world where I don't belong Tired of feeling weak when I should be strong So this is it, there is no more
I found you, you're the one that I adore 4E Inc is what we created
All this time we have waited
And now our time has come
To fly and show the world what we have become.

Baby To Be

I love you, my baby to be Part of me can't wait to see How beautiful you are
Knowing that you'd be the star Of my life and heart
And that this would just be the start Of a beautiful life for us
All the feelings I wish I could express To give you all the love I never had And same with your dad
We'd love you until the end of time Love you so much it'd be a crime I love you, my baby to be And I know your daddy will agree You were created with love You will be sent from heaven above Something so precious and small We'll never let you fall
We love you baby to be
Mommy, Daddy and baby to make three.

Jessica Diamond

 

Beautiful One

Here I am, look at me
What a wonderful sight to see Precious angel that I am
Take my picture with that cam How wonderful I will make your life become No more feeling useless and dumb I want to make you smile
And feel like all this was worthwhile I want to laugh with you
To be part of all you do
So please take a picture of me While I smile with glee
I'm happy cause you love me already And our relationship is steady I'm perfect for and to you
But that much you already knew Look at me, I'm the beautiful one Together, our life has just begun.

Jessica Diamond I'm sorry for everything I've done Sorry that I've taken away all your fun Made it so your life has no meaning So all you do is your cleaning
'Round the house you putter about Your mind full of doubt
Thinkin about what could have been And how you wish for once you could win About how you could be happy Instead of living a life that's crappy But that's the life you lead
Everything rushing past you at warp speed Yet you stay the same
And you're the only one who's to blame You don't want to change
You just want a different life in exchange Well, sorry, but it don't work like that honey Least not unless you got a shit load of money Which is something that you lack So here you sit in your world so black Feelin sorry for yourself day in and day out Keeping silent, trying not to shout So again I say I'm sorry for everything that I've done Sorry for taking away your fun
But I won't turn out like you
I won't sit around with nothing to do I will be happy and live my life the best I can With the man I love, that's my plan So good-bye mother dear
Time to wipe your mind clear
Cause I'm no longer yours to hold You left me out in the cold
So here I go to my wonderful life Being happy and being Shanes' wife.

No End

Change your life around
Wipe away that frown
Time for you to smile

And do something worthwhile
This is 4E Inc
The place that makes ya think
We post our thoughts for you
In hopes of bein true
To our company name
To make it last forever, that is our aim Think of us what you will
Read until you've had your fill
There will be many books put out
So smile instead of pout
We want to spread the word about our name In hopes of geeting a little fame
Cause we're gonna be here 'till the end Just wait and see my friend
4E Inc is here to stay
Burning' some bridges along the way Thinkin', rhymin', sayin' what's on the mind Walk in our shoes and this you'll find
A life of crap turned into gold
Once love finally took hold
Now there's no end to what we can do But watch your back or the next rhyme may be about you! Here I am, waiting to be seen Lookin back at all the places I've been Thinkin about where home is
And how 2006 was nothin but a fizz Not much to tell
Wrapped up in 3 words; it was hell Nothing went my way
Now I'm left with little to say
2 accidents, almost a third
My words never to be heard
By those I want to hear them
I feel like a rose, rather just the prickly stem Never being seen
Just being stuck in between
The glass neck of your vase
Always being a disgrace
Always being the cause of your pain Unless your my husband Shane Then you see me as the beautiful thing I am Sitting back thinkin 'damn'
How you got yourself the perfect wife And how 4E Inc is your life
Somebody to share everything with for all of time Somebody who shares your interest in rhyme So I may be sittin here waiting to be seen
And lookin at all the places that I have been But my 2006 hell is my fuel
To do what I think is cool
To be part of something big
And know that you can't break me like a twig Cause I'm strong as can be
And soon enough you will see
Together we are a force to be recconed with Cause 4E Inc ain't a myth.

Insecure

I hurt and I cry for you
Wanting to be with you
Not knowing what tomorrow will bring Just wanting to see that ring To feel secure
To know that it's for sure
Praying that you're the one And my search for love is finally done I feel inadequate for you
Like everything I do
Is wrong in some way
And this may be my last day To say that I care
That you're my teddy bear
So why am I so sad
Why do I feel at me you're mad How do I not cry and not hurt How do I not feel like dirt
How do I truly know that for you I am the one And that all this time was not just for fun What is wrong with me
In me, what is it that you see Do you want to marry me for sure Why am I so damn insecure?

Missing You

Why do I love you so
Why does it always hurt to see you go Watching it bein to fade away The happiness I felt today Inside I die
Saying othewise is a lie
Feeling so very alone
Back to missery as I groan Please don't wake me
This is how I choose to be In bed hiding from it all
'Cause at least here I can't fall Safe with my thoughts of you Knowing I have nothing else I'd rather do Than see you in my mind 'Cause there you're easy to find Back to reality I must go
The happiness you see is just for show 'Cause how can it be true I'm here instead of with you.

Jessica Diamond

 

My Passion { Inspired by NAS' song "I Can" }

I know that if I work hard I'll be who I want to be And then it will be up to you to see
That I have changed and I'm a different person than I once was And 4E Inc will have all the buzz
'Cause we are holdin on for life
Usin words as our knife
Being who we want to be
I'm livin life for nobody but me
I gotta work hard so I can be where I want in life Bein happy usin words as my knife
I know I can do this
So don't sit 'round and diss
Me 'cause I'm doin somethin with my life that you ain't You just sittin 'round feelin faint
'Cause I'm makin your world spin
Wonderin why it's me and not you who's gonna win 4E Inc is giving me the chance
To work on my passion, my romance
My words that express it all
Bein a pick me up when I fall
So I know that if I work hard I'll be who I want to be And then it will be up to you to see
That my life is gettin good
Perhaps this is somethin that should be understood I ain't nothin great
But this is my fate
Writing and lovin what I do
And if you don't like it, then screw you!

So Down

Sittin here all alone
Wishin somebody would call me on the phone 'Cause we had a little tiff
Now I sit and wonder what if
Things could have been different had I kept silent But now I feel as though things have turned violent Not with actions but with spoken word And I feel as though I have not been heard Never felt so all alone
So uncertain of the future and all that is known Never felt so unloved
Never felt like I've been shoved By merely words spoken
To be left feeling so utterly broken To feel so down
To not know how to smile, only frown I wish I knew what to do to change the past To make my happiness last
And not disappear
And leave me so full of fear
How do I get you to see
Exactly what it's like to be me
Right now when I'm feelin so down To turn this around and turn my frown upside down I want to spend forever with you by my side To know that in you I confide
That goes both ways you know I'm not sayin that just for show
You can lean on me as I lean on you So that together we can make it through.

Flowers Of Blue

You tell me you have something for me But I have to wait and see
Sitting there I wonder what it could be What could you possibly have planned for me You say you need to make a quick stop As there's something you need to shop For that will make me cry
You're right, not a word of a lie I was crying inside
But on the outside tears I did hide To my surprise, flowers of blue I sat and wondered, could this be true Could he really be this weet
My insides so full of heat
Passion for this man beside me Who is my prince, here to set me free These flowers of blue so full of life Making me want to be his wife 'Cause you make everything right Even though I momentarily lost sight Of that a few nights ago
But you're my life, my beau
My world and my all
I know if ever I should fall
That I can fin comfort in your embrace And find your love staring me in the face Thank you for everything, for my flowers of blue But most of all, thank you for just being you. Thank you for taking the time to download this book, we really appreciate it. Be sure to check out our sites:

http://4einc.info http://vwxo.info http://4effl.info

If you have myspace and wish to add us here are the links:

http://myspace.com/4einc http://myspace.com/4eincshanediamond http://myspace.com/4eincjessicadiamond

Once again thank you for taking the time to download and read this free E-Book brought to you by 4E Inc

 

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    Short, but sweet. This is a book of poetry about the Divine and nature.

    Formats: PDF, Epub, Kindle

  • The Devil In The Angel
    The Devil In The Angel Poetry by Brandi A. Milhorn
    The Devil In The Angel
    The Devil In The Angel

    Reads:
    259

    Pages:
    46

    Published:
    Sep 2017

    Things aren’t always so black or white. They aren’t always so well defined or clear cut. Angels can be devils and vice versa. Darkness can contain light and l...

    Formats: PDF, Epub, Kindle