The Baby Schedule Ruler by Dee Rule - HTML preview
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Testimonials … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … 7
Acknowledgments … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … 11
What Can a Baby Do for Its Parents? … … … … 27
Creative Parental Imagination … … … … … … 33
Ways to Calm Down a Fussy Baby … … … … … 61 Proper Swaddling and Putting Baby
Down to Sleep Rule … … … … … … … … … 73
Baby Bath Ruler and Daily Activities … … … … 83
The Baby Burping Ruler … … … … … … … … 93
Good Habits/Bad Habits Ruler … … … … … … 97
the Daddy Blues Ruler … … … … … … … … … 105
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … 123 … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … 129
“Dee Rule loves being with children, and she has developed a personal connection with each of our boys. I’ve learned a lot from being with her and watching her as we spend time with those babies. She is very discreet person in our home, and we have all benefited from her care and professionalism.”—Holly Hunter Actor and Academy Award winner
THE AMAZING DEE!
“What we would have done without you? … In the short time you were here, you taught us so much about being parents. … You have an unbelievable wealth of knowledge that needs to be shared with the whole world. This isn’t the end, only the beginning of a great, lifelong friendship. I consider you part of a lifelong friendship. I consider you to be part of the family forever; you will be in our lives whether you like it or not! Good luck with the book. Love you so much!”—Oliver Hudson Actor, Rules of Engagement7 8 Dee Rule
“Dee Rule arrived on the scene and immediately put me at ease. Her guidance and support was absolutely invaluable to me and my husband. In addition … Dee served as an excellent teacher. She helped us establish a schedule, taught us how to bathe, change, and care for our child, and gave us helpful hints for addressing future challenges … We will always be grateful to Dee for the love and support she provided during this time of major transition in our family, and we’ll be calling on her again. We recommend her to you wholeheartedly.”—Kate Bullinger Koops New York
“Dee Rule’s help in welcoming our triplets into this world has been priceless … she has been superb, imperturbable, highly skilled … for our children and a strong and graceful pillar of support to us parents … she took three babies from little tiny preemies to seventeen-pound behemoths who have in all respects caught up with their full-term peers. All of them were sleeping through the night in the same room by ten weeks … Dee is a steady, affectionate woman possessed of the utmost discretion and professionalism. Her adaptability to the household suggests to us that she could get along with just about with anyone anywhere with any particular routine one might imagine. She is also an excellent teacher. There are tricks to handle multiples, and what had seemed to us an overwhelming situation and an impossible learning curve, she made far less daunting and far more fun.The Baby Schedule Ruler 9
“In short, we love Dee and would keep her ’til the kids were off and married. But we know there are other babies and moms out there who need her more than we do now. We recommend her to you with all our heart”—Diane and David Self Screenwriter and Producer
“She entered our home when we were completely frazzled and immediately brought order and serenity. Our babies began to sleep longer and eat better through her introduction of a more structured bedtime routine and are now sleeping six hours at a stretch through the night. As a new mother, I really appreciated her ability to be a great source of expertise and help without being pushy or controlling. Equally important, her presence allowed me to get enough rest and recuperate much faster.”—Sara Allan
“It is with great pride and enthusiasm that we write a letter of gratitude and appreciation in recognition of the outstanding work.”—Dr. Philip J. Weintraub Internist and Cardiologist
“Dee is one of the kindest, most wonderful people I have ever met. I trusted Dee Rule with the most precious treasures, my children. I am endlessly grateful for all her help and support.”
—Elizabeth Brady The Baby Schedule Ruler is dedicated to Elaine and Ayana
God rest their souls.
And to my dad, Rupert, who always encouraged me.
HE Baby Schedule Ruler provides raw information for all to use to help achieve a satisfying life with a newborn or toddler. I thank Erinn and Oliver Hudson for the
use of baby Wilder’s photo for the cover design. About eighty percent of this book was written in the nursery, in the dark on my Palm Pilot phone.
I used a helpful editing network to deliver to all people true insights and feelings without strict outside interference. Also, I wanted to keep the contents of the book secure. I didn’t want to risk great exposure of these techniques until the book was completely published. My goal in writing this book is to provide a simple and fast way for parents to feel comfortable taking care of their newborns.
Certain parts of The Baby Schedule Ruler, was written to highlight or communicate to different social backgrounds. I didn’t want to leave out any type of lifestyle living. It would be so wrong to give more attention to a single parental idea.
It has become like a renewal of life, and it gives me great joy to express some of these special moments. I hope you will find the information inside to be very powerful and exceptionally helpful. I wanted to keep the flow of language as if I were in your home working as your personal private-duty helper. Thank you for welcoming me into your home and trusting my craft and art.
I have the utmost respect for my celebrity clients and for all the good times we’ve spent together. I respect their lives and honor their families. Also, all of my clients are stars in my heart meaning all families I took care of who are just like you. Thank you for all your support and love. No information inside speaks about my clients in any negative manner. They all have been wonderful and loving to me.
All of the three schedule divisions of The Baby Schedule Ruler are made to fit in your life. If you need to push an hour forward or backward, please do so; The Baby Schedule Ruler is flexible for your busy day.
Why Start Your Baby on a Schedule?
If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.—Vincent van Gogh
have more than eighteen years of experience caring for preemies, newborns, and children. I’ve seen it all, but I must say you can never stop learning how to make things
better. For the families whose babies I’ve taken care of, learning has become an art. I specialize in twins and triplets, and I’ve seen new perspectives in this area of childcare. By getting involved in multiples cases, I took a massive and very important turn in my profession. I have felt a strong elevation of skills, love, respect, and insight that my hospital experience could not have delivered. But working at a New York Hospital helped constructed a solid ground for me to leap from and grow—to go to the next level in infant care.
I’ve mastered my art. For so many years, I’ve struggled and fought to dissect my work.
I want to share with all people my advice for helping new parents release the stigma or judgment of others, “You’re a first-time parent. It’s not easy.” I want to share with all people my advice for helping parents who can or cannot afford my private at-home services as an independent traveling baby nurse to become, as I’ve grown to become, an insider to their newborn’s peace and a guardian of their baby’s full and restful sleep and happiness.
Yes, you can be happy now by changing the way you take care of your new baby or by incorporating a better way to accomplish this. Just make sure when you’ve made up your mind to do The Baby Schedule Ruler that you know that you are doing the best service you can—not only for your baby, but also for your whole family.
How do parents get through the day with their new responsibilities? I will discuss the important things to do to accomplish this main task. Parents will gain confidence in everything they do. I will express most of what is lacking in a lot of childcare books, and that is the insider knowledge. I will share the wisdom and experience of being with newborn single babies, twins, and triplets twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with only occasional breaks (two to three days off a month, and sometimes just one day off a month, depending on a family’s needs). Every family and newborn is different, and this difference always requires a new way for me, the baby nurse, to diagnose and adapt to the family’s needs. We all have a unique lifestyle. By writing The Baby Schedule Ruler, I can share with all parents a way to go about their days according to their lifestyles. I want all people to view the schedules and practice all the Baby Schedule Ruler chapters one diaper at a time and be successful!
We will develop proper skills like daily feeding times and amounts, breastfeeding, taking walks with your baby at least once a day, activities, baths, massages, proper burping, and most of all, scheduling. I will teach you the truth about being flexible with a baby and how to use flexibility for the advancement of your child as well as how to be inflexible and reap the sleep rewards. It’s normal for babies to be fussy, and sometimes the best efforts cannot work.
If you could live night and day in a baby’s world, you would be astonished at its delicacy and surreality; to be a part of it all will make you feel so blessed. Being here to learn all you can to advance your awareness of your newborn is wonderful. If you remain true to this road map, you will find that like many families, it will give you overwhelming success and peace of mind. To all who’ve trusted my judgment and reaped all the great benefits that these skills provide, please know I have loved your little one with all my heart and studied him or her to the fullest to write and finish The Baby Schedule Ruler. Thank you for listening with trust. To make this book possible, you are the true rulers.
The one thing I ask of you is to read the book twice to enhance your understanding of some of these new techniques. I also ask you to go out and teach these skills to loved ones, friends, and family. Also, I realize we understand more when we express and show the type of care we want for our children. People will not feel alienated because of the course of care you hope to accomplish for your family. Sometimes it can be difficult to get people to see it your way. But it’s good to teach friends and family all what you want them to understand. “A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.”—Henry Ward Beecher American politician (1813–1887)
I asked myself the other day: who do you love? Without the things and people I love, where would I be, how would I live, and what job would I have? I would certainly feel very depressed if I was separated from the things I love, like music and the arts, going to the Metropolitan Museum in New York, being with friends, going to shows, reading a book, enjoying the spa, singing my favorite songs, telling hysterical jokes to friends, and creating something worthwhile. I asked, “Who do you love?” to parents, took it to the streets of New York, and charted the responses.
Most parents who have children in schools from daycare to high school answered that they loved their cars, homes, last vacations, children, fathers, pet Oscar, or simply themselves. These answers were not so amazing, but what I noticed was the order people gave me. Most of the parents (five out of ten) spoke of their children second, third, or fourth. This is not to suggest they don’t love their children, but what intrigued me was that when a newborn has become a part of families I’ve worked for, they’ve put their infants first. They’ve told me, “Dee, my child is first and foremost in my life, and everything revolves around him.” I wondered what could have possible happened over the years for some parents to see things a little differently. Maybe they got tied up in all society wants every day, the needs of loving something material, or just following a trend they see others following like buying homes, celebrating with friends, or going to the blow out sale of the week. I thought of what happens to some new parents who put away those things they loved to do frequently before their babies were born.
The first year of life is full of new adventures and activities directed to the baby. We get comfortable with our little ones growing up, and we gradually begin to care about or pay attention to those things we so used to love doing. What in the world happens to fun times and creative involvement when a baby comes home from the hospital? I have seen that it almost comes to a stop in some families and causes much hardship. But I’ve witnessed that if we can combine the daily love of things we enjoy doing, being a part of it all (society), and getting creative after just having a baby, we as humans can certainly be happy again. This is the fountain of youth—to love oneself while being a parent, keep the mind moving to improve, and to be the unique you.
Put on your best, look good, and keep up your hygiene. Being a mother doesn’t mean forgetting about yourself. Look good every day, not just when it’s important to wear makeup. Even on a walk, let your hair blow in the air. You’re alive, not about to be committed in the psychiatric department of a hospital. No more complaints of not having time—make time. Call a friend over for an hour, tell your family to stop in, and hit the shower, go to the spa, have a pedicure, and visit the hair dresser and tell her you’re having a good day. I personally love the book Making Faces by Kevyn Aucoin. He teaches you how to be glamorous, because you’re the only one that can create a positive you. Oh yes, stop listening to horrible opinions from nosy people who need to mind their own business. We don’t need adult babies to host.
Putting on make-up is not the only way to look or feel positive, doing good deeds are far more important. We can help out our favorite charities or volunteer in our communities. This gives a great feeling of hope and purpose, a respect of life. Being handy to friends by listening and expressing your opinions sometimes can be stressful depending on the topic but is also healing.
Keep those encouraging friends or family around you. With all the difficult times you’ve endured, you need peace. This peace can only start in your mind and around you. Taking good care of yourself is the same as taking good care of your baby. Why would you want to treat yourself worse than your baby?Chapter 1
Why the Majority of Babies I’ve Worked with Sleep through the Night
The line between failure and success is so fine that we scarcely know when we pass it; so fine that we are often on the line and do not know it.—Elbert Hubbard
’vE worked for a lot of families who are very educated. Success is a must. They are all celebrities and stars to me. I’ve lived their lives for a portion of time, residing inhomes of beauty, elegance, peace, and solitude.
What a time for them—to embrace me when I walked through their doors at almost the same time their newborns arrived at home. For some of my clients, it was their first child and for some it was their second, third, or fourth. No matter how many children they had, what was so difficult for all my clients is letting me, Dee Rule, the baby nurse, inside from the outside. I’ve arrived like the delivery of twins, but the big difference is that I am a stranger whom they can ask for advice on infant and child care. What trust they have had in me to deliver nothing but the best with respect to their families and19
homes. To be a servant was a joy. Living with and working for these families weren’t two different things. To work and live with my families was one and the same; this was the key to pleasing my families. I saw my relationship with them as the family worker. I became the family member they always wanted who knew when to help out and when not to. It was imperative for them to trust me fully.
All these years of being the ruler of the baby schedule would never have worked out for me if I had been selfish and pushy or disrespectful of my clients’ priorities. First, I was picked by my families; second, I needed to gain their total trust; and third, I needed to be calm and respect their homes and lifestyles.
It was very important for me to give these families honor and respect to let them live their lives in comfort and with ease. I’ve made it my number one priority to allow my clients the privacy to deeply bond with their newborns. Also, it was my business to give my families attention, dedication, and advice and to answer all of their questions clearly.
There is so much joy for me to give these families more value than they paid me. I needed to get paid, but during the early days of working with babies and families, I began to wake up to a realization that the majority of the babies and families I have worked for sleep through the night while other nurses in my profession weren’t accomplishing this for their newborn families. The babies these nurses worked for were still eating two or three times in the night while my three-months-olds— whether they were born single, twin, triplet, preemie, or a just normal baby—were ahead of them all in sleep and the ability to communicate.
My babies were sleeping nine to twelve hours on average. It was a total success for my families, and they loved me very much. But why, I asked myself, was I accomplishing great daily activities and communication and inheriting restful babies that achieved deep, sound sleep at night?
I realized that there was something different about my approach to these babies and families that nobody else could figure out. Therefore, I went about taking notes of my daily and nightly life with babies and saw how differently I would approach each family. The reality that I deciphered was in the applications and theories of patience and the step of converting my lifestyle to their lifestyles. By doing these things, I all of a sudden became like another newborn baby. By observing the families as a child, I learned to come to some conclusions about the way the baby wanted to live with its parents and the way these families could adapt to their newborn’s journey in this world.
Many of my clients gave me huge bonuses and incentives when the job was over. They even told me, “You deserve more,” “You should charge more,” or “Your worth is almost priceless.” But it was worth more to me to learn from the families. They taught me how to live and understand their lifestyles— how they wanted to live and behave in their homes. With this helpful knowledge, I wanted even more information on babies with families and about everyone’s personalities and wants. It gave me the willpower to see and be with more families and to continue being the Baby Schedule Ruler.
This knowledge came from within myself as much as it came from the babies and their loved ones. Tapping into the deep cares of my families amplified the joy of having a new family addition. My families became less worried knowing that I came to help them understand their little ones better. They were patient with me and were so happy to hear my insights and interpretations. All along I steered them to leap into this new baby world by listening and see the results they craved, for it’s almost a miracle to people to get to know their babies as they grow.
I believe babies hold a special gift for mankind. This gift is deepness of need, want, care, comfort, love, charity, and the beginning of forming the self. They all have taught me about me—the “parent" me; the “baby" me. These (mes) are great, and it wants someone sometimes and nothing at other times. The most helpful insight I discovered is that the baby doesn’t know what it wants and needs, leaving us adults to figure it out. They remind me of us adults when we just don’t know what we want—we’re lost in what direction we should take, and we become alienated in our everyday lives. This eventually leaves us to take what we can get from others, sometimes not knowing where we are going to land or be. What is going to happen to us? But we’re adults, and we have our options; they’re babies, and we usually think we need to give them more and more food, because maybe that’s what they really want.
Food is so good, refreshing, and fulfilling, but it is not always the answer. This holds true for babies. When my babies are on a schedule, it benefits all of us because we can discern if the baby is hungry, tired, or just overtired, or if the baby needs to poop. By scheduling, we have a road map, a navigational tool, to figure out what the baby needs based on what time it is. Now we have created time for the baby. The baby doesn’t have a watch, but it will begin to remember time. Its tummy will tell the baby that it is hungry around feeding time.
We have rules in our lives that can empower or disempower us. I saw that it was a big benefit for families to show their children rules that gave them positive reinforcement. Scheduling will help families avoid confusion about what the baby or child wants. The baby will see, if I do this and that, I will get these types of feelings in return.
You’re the parent, and you set the standards—the rules— by scheduling. Remember, a child came into this world not knowing any rules; we are left to direct his or her day in a positive way. We must be dedicated to these rules so we can have positive results. If you’re not getting positive results with your baby, then you need to change the rules so they give the response you want.
Put into practice these rules by scheduling, and you will be happy and satisfied with this new beginning.
Some professionals cannot teach you about baby scheduling or having a routine for babies because they have not lived for eighteen years with newborns, twins, and triplets, observing their habits nonstop like I have. Some medical professionals prefer to tell you something negative about scheduling because they do not know how to direct you and your baby into a routine; therefore, saying scheduling is not good gives them a way out of trying to answer for their lack of exposure. God forbid they might lose you as a client and the money they will collect from the insurance company for years of service to you. However, there are many truthful people in the medical field, and we should all be grateful for their service.
I’ve found that successful people I’ve worked for and other dominating personalities in sports, science, the arts, politics, business, theater, acting, and other innovative areas all have achieved their goals in life by setting rules that gave them a positive feeling. Through these rules, they obtained greatness. Success can never be achieved by having conflicting rules. I’ve found that by being persistent at practicing schedules and enjoying the positive results, you can strengthen the family structure. At the end of all my jobs, I can only hope to obtain this by leaving a happy, sleep-tight-at-night, loving baby.
Every family is different and interprets things differently, just like their babies. I saw that these differences detract from getting the babies to sleep in the night; these differences gave me the solutions of how to best manage, develop, and interpret things in a way they could feel comfortable without forcefully changing their visions of what they expected or wanted to do with the new family addition. Here is my key to success. I developed this key by constantly asking myself, “What if I was the baby? What would I need to happen during the days to make me feel happy?" I would need a lot of patience from my parents; I would need sleep and food. I would need love and discipline in order to live in peace with everybody. I would need a map, like The Baby Schedule Ruler.
Through the benefits of the baby and family following this advice, the family entity becomes more solid. Mommy and Daddy can have time for each other. They can return to romantic moments, go on dates with one another, see a movie, or go on an adventure, and when they return home, they know that they can sleep all night and love their little one in the morning. The parents I’ve worked for can tell by seeing what time it is if it is time for the baby to eat or sleep. By knowing the time through scheduling, the parents can organize their business affairs, hair dresser appointments, gym workouts, rest time, important phone conversations, grocery store visits, and as a matter fact, any type of visit or personal responsibility. Life continues at a manageable pace.
Through The Baby Schedule Ruler, I wanted to show all families the path I’ve taken to accomplish the goals that my past families have achieved through my guidance of their parental instincts. There was something very special about the handson care I gave and the cooperation that I received from my families that was very important for me to write about. The families were very pleased with the progress I made for them in establishing a routine so they could have some flexibility, and it amazed them, their friends, and their families.
There are a ton of books on baby and child care, and they were made with good intentions, but none can reveal the consistent results I’ve obtained. I always wonder how many of these writers have lived in the homes of families for twentyfour hours a day for months on end. I wonder how many of these experts sleep in a baby’s room to hear and respond to his or her needs twenty-four hours a day. I guess that some are just writing a book that serves the purpose of a reference guide that will help many families understand and correlate many of the experiences—good or bad—that they are going through. But many cannot give a schedule that will get the results families desire from their little ones, like sleeping through the night and gaining the right attention span to communicate or just to look around and respond to all the stimuli the environment contains. Giving more to the masses is my delight. I love to tell everyone that there is a sound way to go about your day and be happy with a new baby. This book is for you—enjoy.
Today I went to central park for my afternoon walk with the baby. She was asleep, and I parked the stroller next to a bench that another little baby and her mom sat on. We looked at each other, and the mother said, “What a cute baby. How old is she?”
I replied, “Ten weeks old. And your little one?”
“She is five months. Is your baby sleeping through the night?" she asked.
“She has slept all night long since she was eight weeks old,” I said. You could imagine her face—it was as if I were exaggerating. I continued, “She goes down at 8:00 PM and doesn’t feed until six or seven in the morning.” Her mouth hung open like a whale’s. You would think she was going to bite a shark. She wanted to know the secret, and I replied, “With proper routine night and day, you can achieve anything.” The baby began to fuss a little, and I continued my walk. One week later, the same mother saw my employer and myself walking happily in the park with the baby. She could not help herself, and she stopped us and introduced herself.
“Hi, I’m Cassie. I met your baby about a week ago,” she said. “Is it true your baby sleeps through the night?”
“Without a peep!" said my boss.
This time without catching sharks in her jaw, she said, “What? That’s so nice!”
What Can a Baby Do for Its Parents?B
ABIES can give us a purpose—to live a better life. They can put us onto the track of perfection and help us to become unselfish. Having a little one pulls us into
reality. We can really think of what’s best first. Situations are resolved for the sake of the baby. Think of the joy you will feel when your baby comes home or the moment your doctor says you have a boy or a girl. The key words are “you have.” You’re a loving person. Just learn from the baby.
A baby is here to help the parents see reality. The truth through a baby’s eyes is so blunt and direct. It will hit hard and should help make you the best you can be. If you’re not ready to be awakened to this truth, then don’t start, because you will only go backward in self-development. You won’t learn a thing. You might be thinking, “What do you mean?" A child is an offspring of you and an infant has its own personality as well. You have something like you with its own habits and wants to deal with now. This is what it means to be a parent.
I just heard the announcer calling my flight to Los Angeles. I have to go, but I will continue on this critical topic. 7:30 AM: I am on the plane. I just want to get a few words down before takeoff.
I realize as a parent you become less judgmental of other people’s children. You possess more patience. Things that used to bother you—like a crying baby on an airplane or children playing loudly outside or inside—will not phase you anymore.
Driving a little more safely and a lot less recklessly is something that often happens when a baby enters a family and is achieved in different ways. Some parents will put up a sign (“Baby On Board” or “Drive Safely”). We become more aware of other people’s safety and our own. Parents will purchase a bigger car—a van or SUV in place of their small sedans— for major voyages. Some car manufacturers have even taken advantage of the family expansion trend. They did more for parents by introducing new gadgets like rearview cameras so you can see as you move your vehicle backward.
It’s a good thing to have a baby around. Something has happened to our thinking. We finally get it—we’re not teenagers anymore! Risky business will have to wait! What happened? Did lightning strike? Maybe! Just maybe we needed a knockout to realize it’s not only about us!
When you have a baby, you’ll also have a little more patience with your fellow adults. At least for a while! Rushing to go out the door is nearly impossible because getting through that door to run errands takes a long time when you have a baby. No matter how hard you try to be on time, time seems to move faster than you realize. It’s not all about you anymore. I can attest to the fact that mothers get to this point way faster than fathers, maybe because they carried the baby for nine months as it grew inside the womb, its home. As the days and the weeks pass by, mothers are always concerned about the baby. Is it growing properly, and how much does it weigh? Is it a boy or a girl? Where is it located? Besides these constant questions, mothers can feel the baby move inside them—it can kick and have a lot of hiccups.
Some dads go about their business without a physical, consistent, emotional attachment to the baby. The baby doesn’t send them to the bathroom constantly or move inside them randomly. For nine months of growth in their mommies, these babies dictated space and movement and spawned feelings of curiosity like, what is the baby going to look like? Then the baby arrives, and it becomes time for Daddy to start feeling all of the growth pains. Silently they go through some depression (but not all dads). It hits them almost like a tackle on the football field by the defensive linebacker. As fathers become conscious, reality becomes evident. The game is on—get up and win! The baby is here to be loved always. Watch it grow. Participate and you’ll feel better. I am so happy that all of my clients have connected with their babies from conception. It’s important for all family members to come and help out in some way as well. Call them, and they will be very happy to do something for you.
We get emotionally attached to our babies, leaving us a small margin of error to mess up without pain. But pain allows growth and rejuvenation of our minds. We then think of what’s best for the baby. We start asking ourselves if we’re doing things right. Is there a better way to take care of him? Am I a good parent? Self analysis will take over our lives, pushing us to be better—forcing us to grow up.
Historian Arnold Toynbee wrote In the Law of Challenge and Response. He believed if civilization met a life-threatening challenge and overcame it by using all of its greatest efforts, will, zeal, or strength, we would advance our very lives and everything around us. Trouble has a way of lifting us up when we take it on and overcome all obstacles by removing problems and acting to solve them. When all is settled and at peace, our civilization will advance art, music, architecture, and all aspects of life.
I’ve seen people write books on their troubles and how they managed to come out of despair or depression. The Greeks overcame the Persian Empire centuries ago and developed theater, philosophy, art, and crafts. It made them better people and an advancing race. They fought hard for many years, and when it was all over, the most incredible things had happened.
Let incredible things happen for your family. Do not love problems, but find ways to get out of them besides complaining and being down. Be creative and your worries will heal. Having a new baby helps us to see life overflowing with opportunities and hope of survival.
I’ve seen the spirit grow up in new parents. And by spirit I mean responsibility and the will to take note of other people’s needs. The baby is this needy being who wants us to take responsibility for it to grow up loved. That’s why peace and love starts at home.
What if we became babies again; wouldn’t we want the same from our parents? It’s that deep look at things that will bring about a reality check on life. The newborn has brought us much life in bundles of awareness and care—not just for the newborn but also for ourselves. It’s the best chapter in our lives.
Intuition in Action3:40 AM
I woke up and sensed something was wrong. I picked the baby up and thought, This is not the same baby I left a day ago. He is pale and seems dehydrated. I went to get the mother as I prayed and said, “We need to go to the hospital right now!” She got the car, and we called the pediatrician and proceeded toward the hospital. The newborn was admitted for a month. His doctors didn’t know what was wrong in the beginning, but it turned out to be an allergy problem. He could not have wheat products, poultry, or dairy products.
Charlie is a twin and was born a preemie. We were lucky. The mom had another set of twins that were eighteen months old at the time—that’s no typing error, eighteen months old. They had just moved to a new big home to accommodate all their needs. “One morning, the mother said, ’I don’t think he’s ready for circumcision.’” Take a look at him, Dee!" She didn’t know what brought her to say that. It was just a feeling she had. I had just returned from a day break when she told me this. We had the Bris. The very next day we took him to the hospital because he didn’t look like the baby we knew so well. He was pale and just not looking healthy. He drank well throughout the day and previous night, but something just wasn’t right.
Before the ceremony, she asked the doctor to look at him because he looked sick to her, but she believed we had nothing to be worried about. “He looks fine. He’s a preemie, and he is ready for circumcision today.” We had the circumcision and went home. We trusted the doctor, but something was bothering us deeply. It bothered me, and I watched him carefully that night. I couldn’t wait until the morning. He ate well, but I wanted to see him in the morning sunlight that comes through the window. Looking at him as the daylight reflects off his face in the nursery, I said to the mother, “Charlie is very sick. We have to take him to the hospital.” He had no fever and ate very well. But that thing named intuition pricked at our guts like a surgeon’s knife and kept on digging deeper. We thank God for it, because Charlie overcame and is doing well.
I am so grateful for the mother who was in tune to the situation. After all, Charlie is her son. Whatever you want to call intuition, at least recognize that it is real. The existence of this spirit is so underrated in our society. Schools should teach more about this gift. It’s beyond common sense. There is nothing greater than a message that is right on. Denial might delay its effectiveness. But doing what your soul feels can reap better results than some educated intelligence.Chapter 3
Creative Parental ImaginationWe don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
—Decca Recording Co. Rejected the Beatles, 1962
oRkINg as a baby nurse for all types of people and cultures, I’ve learned a tremendous amount from the parents I’ve worked for. I would tell all
of my families that they are my greatest teachers. When I expressed this to them, they could never see the deep meaning in what I said. I really meant this. I didn’t just say it to show them I am very humble and conscious of their likes and dislikes while living in their home. I speak candidly about this because it has elevated me as a helper by allowing me to observe the moment-by-moment decisions a parent of a newborn must make day in and out—at night, on weekends, with friends and family, while driving a car, or on vacations. Making decisions in very cold emotional climates in the face of strangers, family, and older children who don’t want to share Mommy’s and Dad’s attention is difficult.A parent is the most powerful human being on this earth. 33
They rule this universe and fill it with diversity, compassion, patience, fun, joy, and goals to accomplish. They are amazing! They take on the responsibility of getting to know another human being who is usually made out of some portion of themselves. It’s so miraculous for me to witness history repeating itself when I’m called to be the contract baby nurse for a set time period. The feeling is so good and to put this on paper makes me quiver inside. I am so touched at this moment to share this private feeling. It is this insight that has made me fall in love with what I’ve been doing for a living all these years.
The creativity in loving parents can solve some or all of the daily problems in raising a baby. A baby can be fussy for countless reasons, and the soothing cure is in your hands. Of course if you think that your little one is ill, then you must call a medical professional for help. That’s parenting! Be deeply aware of strange behaviors in your child and never feel embarrassed to call for help.
The mind-bending evidence in this chapter is very deep and real. I’ve observed the facts over my eighteen-year career, month after month with parents of twins and triplets. What I’ve observed is that your child will usually like what you like. Think of and write about all the things you love, enjoy, and dream about, because you have made another human being almost as perfect as yourself. He even looks like you or a family member—maybe your father or mother. You, the parent, know your little one better than anybody. Teach yourself to learn as a child, starting with your newest family member. Be a child! Be a newborn!
What’s your definition of love? One thing I know is that love starts with you!
Nobody can take care of your little one better than you once you read and study these chapters and review the different types of daily activities you need to do to get through the day. You can achieve sound sleep and still be connected to all of your relationships with other people and yourself. Your overwhelming success will convince you and all those who thought you could not be a good parent that you can be one.
Maybe you or others thought or feared you would leave all the parental work to the caregiver—a baby nurse, nanny, or babysitter. They will be proved more than wrong when you show the world, friends, and family you learned to develop creative parental imagination to rise above fear and worries with the help of your doctor, who will reassure you on the progress of your child’s development. As the weeks and months fly past, you’ll become stronger, faster, and more alert to changes in your newborn’s behavior, and you will not be petrified. You know what to do and what you do you do extraordinarily better than anyone else.
“Success is often provided by the exception to the rules for success. People who have broken though color and gender lines, class and culture bias, have done so despite an array of reasons as to why they shouldn’t de able to do so. In this way, success may ultimately have more to do with your own personality, focus, and optimism than your gender, race, or background. Put blinders on to those things that conspire to hold you back, especially the ones in your head. Guard your good mood. Listen to music every day, joke, and love and read more for fun …”—Meryl Streep, actress
Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi states in Creativity, “Most of us assume that artists—musicians, writers, poets, painters— are strong on the fantasy side, whereas scientists, politicians, and businesspeople are realist. This may be true in terms of day-to-day routine activities. But when a person begins to work creatively, all bets are off—the artist may be as much a realist as the physicist, and the physicist as imaginative as the artist.” He continues, “In most cases it is the parents who are responsible for stimulating and directing the child’s interest. Sometimes the only contribution of the parents to their child’s intellectual development is treating him or her like a fellow adult.”
Our little one wants to be treated well and involved with humankind. She might be crying because she needs more participation from the parent or caregiver. Stay in deep thought with your child and think deeply about your child. She will reveal to you what’s important to her. The great thing is that she communicates more through silence than speech. Think! Think! Think! Then don’t think too much. If you’re confused, just view what’s happening silently, and you’ll understand your little one more and provide for her needs.
Food is vital, and having shelter is a must. It means everything for a child to interact with its parent; it’s stronger than the attraction and need for food. Tests have shown this through Harry Harlow’s experimental research with monkeys. He and his wife went out of their way to study monkeys when other scientists at that time (1950) concentrated their experiments on rats. He was hailed for his great findings published in “The Nature of Love.”
He built a surrogate mother from soft cloth and embedded a lightbulb inside to provide warmth. These monkeys had a soft cloth mother that provided food and another soft cloth mother who was soft and warm but didn’t provide food To the amazement of Harry Harlow, these monkeys desired the warm surrogate mother more than the one that provided food. Wow! It showed that mankind desires comfort and warmth first; anything else is secondary.
I will tell you a story of a flight I took to California. I sat in a three-row economy-class seat. There was a lady sitting to the left of me. She put a book between her legs and mine. She didn’t have another book, so she took the airplane commercial magazine and stuck that between herself and the passenger to the right of her. We fit in the seat perfectly. I didn’t mind her peculiar nature until her head began to lean on my shoulder. I nudged her a little to make her aware of the closeness. She woke and apologized and went back to sleep. Once again I became a pillow her conscious mind didn’t see. That’s the great power of touch! Here I was thinking she didn’t want my leg to touch hers, yet my shoulder came in handy. She then awoke and apologized again. I smiled and said, “No problem!”
Some scientists have said Harry Harlow only discovered what was common sense, but we all know common sense is not too common for some people. It’s a gift to be on a common sense level with the world; not all people understand what common sense is. All infants and children must be close to you and emotionally connected to the care you give.
Give your child an emotionally warm experience. Enjoy any creativity you have developed throughout the years of growing up, going to elementary school, going to high school, and attending college or through experience with comedy shows you’ve watched and laughed at. Be expressive! Be yourself! A child wants to see you be you; then he can start being himself. You can tell the foundation of a house is strong by first standing on it. Showing that experience to your child first will send the emotional signal to your baby—a feeling of security wrapped up in emotions so he will feel comfortable to stand up and test the house’s foundation. Visual experiences can make a difference for your child. Experience is a priceless teacher. Talk is truly cheap sometimes!
No matter how many times you say no to toddlers, somehow they will not obey unless they experience the meaning of no. We hope they listen, but listening is a hard thing to expect from a toddler. I give a special name to toddlers; I call them “The First Human Innovators.” They will take a risk and keep on risking until they have learned a better solution or a better way to do something (or until they figure out they just can’t do it!).
You’re the leader; go first, and your child will follow. Remember the game we played as children called Follow the Leader? The leader performs first and all the kids must do whatever the leader is doing. If he puts his hands on top of his head, then all must follow. Those who don’t will be out of the game. Do what you would prefer your little one to take, and he/she will follow your movements. If you don’t move, he/she will follow that too.
In The Naked Truth, Desmond Morris strongly expresses, “The naked ape is a teaching ape.” As humans, we learn by practicing or taking the direction of another. We gather all the aspects we want to learn, learn them to the fullest, and perfect them to our own taste or sense of style. Humans can be taught anything and grow at a rapid pace. He Morris states, “We acquire quickly by following the example of our parents.”
As we get older and, I hope, wiser, it is to our benefit to lift our souls upward into creativity and not hesitate advance the spirit we inherit. We can develop the spirit we’ve passed on to our children. Convince yourself that you are the best parent. Tell others of the great advancement your little one has made, whether it is communicating better with you, reaching for objects sooner than other children his age, rolling over, or giggling at an early age.
Being creative can get rid of fear and low self-esteem. All people can benefits from this. It must be put into practice. There are benefits of the parent taking charge creatively. To me, to be called a parent doesn’t mean that you are genetically attached to the baby; it means you understand and take care of your little one’s needs on a creative plane. It means evolving and expanding into the depths of a new being’s mind. It means learning to use the right distraction, touch, speech, or song to awaken our senses. It means to know the right time to reframe and go forward, to love and let go. I love these parents who just love their little one for being unique and full of art. Parents can keep up with the involvement of their baby.
Maybe you think you are not creative, that your mind cannot think of different things to enjoy. Please take note of the things you dream about and then make these dreams come true with your little one. For example, if you enjoy opera, mimic the sounds of Plácido Domingo and Luciano Pavarotti, do the hand gestures, and imitate the enjoyment of being the entertainer. Clap your hands in applause, and the baby will respond in some way to the new action you are displaying.
I saw a documentary on MSNBC called Lock Up: San Quentin, which is a state prison for the worst criminals. These people have limited resources and do not have enough space to move around or to construct anything that comes into their minds. Everyday materials are not accessible. In these very small spaces, one inmate created miniature bicycles for display out of soap, toilet paper, foil, and water. Others have developed a hobby of making flowers out of toilet paper for Mother’s Day cards. Two inmates got to play chess every day because they created chess pieces out of Kool-Aid, a piece of tissue paper, and water. All they wanted to accomplish was to keep themselves busy until it was time to be paroled—they were serving five years, twenty-two years to life, forty-five years to life, or other long sentences. Some began to love tennis and taught this sport that they normally would not have played when they were out on the streets being criminals. These criminals found ways out of boredom to help speed up the everyday confinement. As one inmate put it, “You have to keep busy or you’ll go crazy.”
One guy loved to paint murals on the wall. He got in touch with art inside of him and got out of touch with the enemy (the criminal) within that brought him there. How did he paint the murals in his cell without a paintbrush? He clipped off pieces of his hair to make different brush sizes. I saw through this program (which aired on December 1, 2007) that when humans are pressured or confined, they can miraculously transform their environment and social condition with their imagination. Creativity truly shines.
In the business world, creativity is a must to survive and to be effective in a very competitive market. You cannot survive without the input of new ideas and the use of market research. For me, market research is reading and studying in silence the thought processes of babies and children and adults too. Why even attempt to invest money into a project if you cannot provide a vision for good future profits and success? One must identify the results first and then produce the goods.
If happiness is to occur with a baby/toddler/child/adult, we must have patience combined with zeal to make our happiness happen now.
Donald Trump has set a standard on this. He wrote in Think Big and Kick Ass in Business and in Life, “What do you do when you are faced with a difficult problem? … You must learn to thrive on problems. I face problems every day … If you want to be in the top 2 percent, you must become very good at finding creative solutions to what appear to be impossible problems.” Problems don’t last forever; it is up to us to decrease the amount of time these problems take up. The sooner a problem is taken care of, the better you will feel.
If you want to endure misery, do not seek to be creative with yourself and your little one. Keep an open mind; you’re as free as you want to be. It will provide the greatest acceleration of peace mixed with joy; it just can’t be measured. By keeping your thoughts and sanity evolving through playtime, bath time, walk time, and eating time, this imagination contains unlimited levels of participation. Yes, we must participate with the newborn constantly, and the newborn, just like ourselves, requires alone time; and I’m talking about independence at least once a day for some period of time. Why is it important for infants or children to have a little time in the day for independent play? Having your little one simply sitting in the chair alone or in a play gym helps builds the foundation of their constructive interpretive mind. Let her play alone until she calls you with a squawk. The most powerful thing a human possesses is the imagination. Being alone can kick it in. You will see a very bright personality coming out of your baby. She will seem to become highly active in what she is paying attention to. Try it and see. It is an eye-opening experience.
Today is a great time to be a dad. Many dads are working from home and getting more daily hours to play and just cuddle up with their children. In, “My Dad, American Inventor,” in the New York Times on August 16, 2007, Stephanie Rosenbloom showed how different dads are dealing with getting through the day with their families. Dads are around the home and family much longer than at any time in history. It’s great to see strong dad involvement. Through long days and nights being home spending time with their children, these dads began to see how they can make things better.
One dad, Mr. Bacon, mentioned in the article invented a car seat adaptor that hooks onto the rolling luggage people carry when traveling. This all came about because he wondered if there could be a better way to transport his child through the airport and help free up his wife from pushing a stroller. Mr. Bacon began to sell his Tote Tot—the car seat adaptor for luggage. We as a society change because we look for what people need. We improve our daily lives because we can change our situation through solving problems using imagination and creativity. This happens through a simple thought. If we feel passionate enough about our cause, to our surprise, we can often find the solution to the problem. If Mr. Bacon had not been involved with his family’s needs every day and had just gone along that day without any thought of making life better, he might not have discovered this useful adaptor for not just his family to use but also for all families. You can go to www. toteatot.com to get this magnificent adaptor.
Babies can copy all our gestures, speech, diction, walks, and singing tones by putting their own images together interpret their parents and family members. Free yourself from the can’t do or the cannot be done voices of people around you but inherit the attitude that you can do all things and be successful always. Repeat the positive and disregard all negative. All good creativity is brought about through positive thoughts of letting change happen for our benefit. I just can’t repeat this enough. Communicate with yourself first and dish out the desires of your heart to be the greatest parent to yourself first and to someone else, like your little one, second.
You’re amazing, and by being this amazing creature, you are far above anything normal. You are worthy of creating your own ideas that will work for your newborn and yourself. That’s what incredible means! This sets you apart from all parents and people—to find out for yourself that niche for your newborn or child—the one and true thing that works to calm him down and make him smile and laugh or be just goofy. There is no communicator like you. Your neighbors might think you are not so different, but you’re different enough to satisfy your intentions, goals, dreams, and most of all, attain peace with your new family.
The reason I totally support this type of technique is because I’ve seen many parents do this and reap many benefits, such as:
• One They stay positive and have less fear of bad things happening.
• Two Parents can gain a conscious edge in expecting only the best or the expectation of an advancing future and start living and believing ahead of the curve.
• Three Positive and creativity builds relationships. Also, friends will want to hear about more improvements in your life instead of negative gossip, for we know bad talking and negative conversations can hurt the most confident and strong-minded person. We all need positive thinking to lift us up every day, especially when things do not go our way.
• Four The Baby Schedule Ruler will sculpt your little one into expecting new abilities by first concentrating on what it will feel like or be like to become just like you. They are listening to your every conversation. As they grow to see and focus on people and things, they will follow your success. It works!
It is so fun to write this chapter because I saw an important fact in the years of my experiences. A caregiver must know when to allow the parents time with their baby—when to get out of the picture. I thought, what would happen if I did everything for the parent? What would the future be like without me there? How depressing it would be for these parents to take on a job they were not ready for. But they would be ready if they can consistently use creative parental imagination.
Therefore, I always encourage all parents to be themselves and to spend the majority of their free time with their little ones. Do not allow the caregiver to spend all the time with the little one because when the caregiver departs, what are you going to do? Now is the time to practice and know all you need to know in order to accomplish a day totally alone with your baby. Rest assured that you will be great. The greatest parent in the world is you, not the caregiver.
Please know that I am not anti-caregiver, but a caregiver is a bridge for parents to the other side. Caregivers are the support beam, not the parent. We are the bridge frame, not the parent. We are not there to take over but to give you proper care, and then let go and move on. When should we let go and allow the parent to go over that bridge and take total care of the baby? I love the way Napoleon Hill (1883–1970) writes, and I can relate to his saying, “Do not wait; the time will never be ’just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools may be found as you go along.” Practice now, and you will be that much greater than me.“We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”
–George Bernard Shaw 1856–1950
There are excellent leaders, which I define as people who will sacrifice themselves for the joy of the masses. You are a leader; remember this every time you see your baby! You are the president of your newborn’s life, and as a leader, you must incite possibilities by being that creative and imaginative person who can make mistakes but later correct them and feel positive about changes. Teaching these things to your child will lift you far beyond your imagination.
To know where you want to go and keep on evolving into perfection can’t be beat by any advisor. I hope you will let life be lived with explorations of yourself. I personally feel so stuck and let down if I am not thinking of a way to create a lot of joy for myself and everyone else.
Learning how infants and children appreciate creativity amazed me to the point of being in this profession day and night. I am often asked how I did it for so long and how am I still doing this line of work. One of my answers is that there is no other love in life than to know and love your little one. To help comfort that family whose lifestyle is far different from what it was before is my motivation for being creative, and it kept me feeling alive and peaceful. If I only could express to you the super joy I have felt and the tears I have cried when leaving my cases when my contract was up to move onto the next celebrity client or successful business family. I can proudly say that the tears I’ve shed were full of love, because all my clients saw a way out of fears by having the right help, and most of all, the person who brought out a lot of creativity and sound advice. To help elevate the whole family and to lift up the hearts and souls of every family member is my goal.
All of my families have been perfect. They have taught me more about knowing not to be so fearful. Love must be developed and trusted. Love is far beyond and is well identified through actions. By acting in a certain way, I saw the love my families gave to their newborns, and this love is beyond interpretation. When my parents mixed up the day with creativity, life became so easy to live. Creativity is the recipe for living the best life.
Life can be good if you develop something different and entertaining. Let’s say creativity is almost as great as love. It is a feeling that cannot be taken away—a unique entity. This is life worth living; it’s just good and feels great. I thank all the different people who have taken me for my word and lived this good life.
“Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn’t, do something else.”
The Parental Persistence: Feeding Times and Schedule Formation
“Nothing in the world can take place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”—Calvin Coolidge The thirteenth president of the United States
N this chapter, I’ve mapped out some schedules I’ve used for many clients, and it helped put their days together in a manner that was not too crazy. These schedules wereformed according to the baby’s personality and the needs of the parents and according to the parental or family lifestyle.
These schedules produce a constructive day that will help bring about a happy, peaceful, restful baby and family. It is one of the most helpful pieces of advice I can put down on paper.47“Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.” —Josh Billings
The lifestyles of the parents matters. Having a baby should not change your lifestyle until you are just miserable.
Misery is avoidable if you develop a plan that you can live with and that will give you a happy ending. Knowing what your day is going to be like is important. Also, knowing what you’re going to accomplish by scheduling your baby as soon as possible is worth as much as your inner peace. I am not saying that you must do make a schedule, but if all has failed when trying to have a sane day, you can try scheduling. In William Condon’s, Study of Cultural Micro-rhythms, he looked over films of people communicating, and he broke this communication down into blocks of 1/45th of a second and analyzed all gestures, looks, and speech and concluded that conversations had a rhythm— a synchrony like a dance.
I can hear the baby I’m taking care of. I’ll be back. She is okay; I just gave here a burp. She was a little fussy, but now I have her playing in her gym. Let’s continue!
Perhaps scheduling a routine for children and newborns can be seen as a dance of gestures or movements in the rhythm of the day that produces positive results—results in communicating. It can be easy to understand for people who are enjoying the dance (what is next or what can I have?). It can also be frustrating but can be fixed with learning communication techniques to understand rhythms of life. It can be a gateway that leads the mind to create and understand a natural sequence of time. The baby will know what time is without knowing what a clock is.
Many professionals have no idea how to make a routine or schedule for babies and toddlers. A fixed schedule equals a routine. What I provide is a routine, or schedule, that is flexible according to the needs of the developing baby and parental instincts of both the mom and the dad, because they know best. From experience with some medical professionals, in order for them to keep your business, they have put money first and the truth last, or they just keep it quiet. Maybe they don’t want to offend you in any way by giving you permission to look for some other way. I love to give you the heads up on all of this. Do what you like and what is good for your family! If that means going to another doctor or medical practice, just do it! Those parental instincts have kicked in and told you it is the right thing to do.
“Not all of your decisions will be correct. None of us is perfect. But if you get into the habit of making decisions, experience will develop your judgment to a point where more and more of your decisions will be right. After all, it is better to be right 51 percent of the time and get something done because you fear to reach a decision.”—H. W. Andrews
The one most powerful expression of the way we live is time. Time is an arbitrary measurement that helps people divide the years into months, the months into days, and the days into hours, minutes, and seconds. Humans saw this need and therefore developed this mechanism of order. Now let’s divide up time for your baby in hours. We can show and teach your baby about time, and time can produce actions. Time is action and actions are divided in time. These actions in time can be food, hugs, playtime, daily walk time, talking time, no talking time, music time, friends and family time, bath time, bed time, afternoon nap time, and burp time.
“We must learn to view change as a natural phenomenon—to anticipate it and to plan for it. The future is ours to channel in the direction we want to go … we must continually ask ourselves, ’What will happen if … ?’ or better still, ’How can we make it happen?’”—Lisa Taylor
Order helps us see freely and sometimes hinders us from some expressions. There is even a time where expressions need to take a break. In other words, I have encouraged all my families to have structure but retain some flexibility too.
It is so beautiful for me to see and find a way to help please everyone. I had great joy when I left the family knowing they did not always have to live in a box but could sometimes divert from the routine one or two times a week to enjoy themselves in various ways, like going to a restaurant with their baby or having friends over for dinner, showing off the most precious thing in their lives and socializing with their colleagues.
Having a baby leads us into a new dimension of time and life. We’re reproducing another form of ourselves. As I’ve watched these wonderful humans, I’ve witnessed that babies want to be involved in their families’ lives and outings. They like to enjoy life like us. They want to listen to sounds of chirping birds. Think about if they might want to feel the summer breeze on their faces or hear you laugh and converse on the phone or just be social at a party. They want these things in moderation just like adults. They want to be up and looking around because they do not want to miss a thing. After they have seen or loved that particular thing or gesture, they begin to fuss to show us that they want to be put down to rest.
Let’s celebrate outside of sleep time. Go to the beach, to the park, or shopping. But be inflexible sometimes and have a solid schedule where feeding times are the same and bath time, walk times, and playtimes are the same. If you live a life of long days of working at the office or working from home, you need to implement this structure every day. Having an inflexible schedule doesn’t mean you have to be in an institutional environment. But you can reach your goals for your baby faster by having a solid, persistent schedule. I know this for a fact because it has helped many families I’ve worked with to obtain peace and comfort.
For some babies, it will take a longer time to get used to a schedule due to their personalities, but others will adapt to the schedule much sooner. Because of gassiness and spit-ups, the baby’s weight can be a factor as well. Severe changes in the nursery room’s temperature can also be a big problem. If the temperature fluctuates too much and if the newborn is not monitored throughout the days and nights, it can cause problems. You don’t want your little one to be hot or cold but comfortable.
FEEDING TIMES AND SCHEDULING FORMATIONS
When a baby comes home from the hospital, start feeding him every three to three and a half hours and breastfeed for half an hour if you can. You should only do this if the baby is at a normal birth weight and the doctor okays the baby to go home. You can give formula as a supplement, at least once or twice a day in the beginning if needed until you have enough breast milk. Remember that the baby needs to always be hydrated. Therefore, your little one should look pink and day-by-day, his skin should appear fuller and meatier. Also, you should see some form of spit-up, and the baby should void (urinate) clear, not yellowish or gold-colored, urine. Contact your doctor if you see any signs of sickness or dehydration. Always keep in contact with your pediatrician because he or she is physically evaluating the progress of your newborn or child.
Keeping the baby hydrated is very important and needs to be highlighted in our minds. The next group of instructions will escalate your progress in achieving a long night’s sleep for your baby. Please go over these instructions until you’ve created a proper plan that works consistently. Please be patient.
Rulers A, B, and C can be adjusted according to your answers in “The Lifestyle Clocking Day,” but keep true to the intervals laid out in the schedules.
The Lifestyle Clocking DayPlace your answers to the following five questions on the clock lines!
1. What time would you like your little one to go to bed
at night and begin quite time?
2. What time would you like your little one to get up in the morning?
3. What time would you like you little one to start her midday nap?
4. What are the best times for your morning walks?
5. What time can you walk with your baby in the late afternoon?
Now we have an idea when we’re going to start quiet time. To do this, turn on the sound machine, close the blinds, prepare a bottles or breastfeed as usual, swaddle the baby, burp a couple of times, and finally put the baby down to rest. The baby might give a little fuss, but wait two minutes before comforting him and see if he needs another burp or more food. Then put him down to rest! -Tap out a rhythm if the baby begins to fuss again. Turn your head away to exhale because babies associate your rhythm with being awake and will want to be picked up. But if you tap a new rhythm of beats, they will go down to sleep, drift away, and rest. You’re the messenger!
I encourage top-offs. “Top-offs” are extra feedings given to the baby between feeding times. It’s good to give your little one a top-off at least once a day within the first three months. Remember, your baby is still growing rapidly. She is going to be hungry! For breastfeeding mothers, the top-off should last ten to fifteen minutes. For bottle-fed babies, two to three ounces of formula is good.
The Baby Schedule Ruler A (The Starter)Ruler A is for babies who are between one and six weeks old.
You should feed every three hours during the day at 8 or 9AM(FOR FELXABILITY), 12:00 PM, 3:00 PM, 6:00 PM, 9:00 PM, and at four- to five-hour intervals at night, but if the baby is very hungry, you should feed the baby anytime before the fourth or fifth hour, but not before three hours. After the top-off feeding, go another four to five hours before feeding again. Try to feed your baby between eight and nine o’clock in the morning if you can. Also, a good opportunity for a top-off is the late morning. But try to get back on schedule by giving the 12:00 PM feeding on time.
If you get off the routine, that’s okay. Just give an early feeding or a later feeding to get back on schedule for that day. Also, you can be a day off schedule/routine but get back on your routine as soon as possible for the next day.
The Baby Schedule Ruler B(The starter has advanced):
Ruler B is for babies between six to twelve weeks of age.
You should feed the baby at 9:00 AM, 12:30 AM, 4:00 PM, 7:30 PM, and at five- to six-hour intervals at night. Try to not give anything until at least five hours after the last feeding. The last is the “ghost feeding.” If your baby is not hungry for six- to seven-hour stretches after the 8:00 PM or 8:30 PM feeding, you do not need to give “ghost feedings.” Your baby can have a night feeding, but put the baby down immediately after burping—no talking or rocking. Also, try to feed close to 9:00am in the morning, but if you cannot, then start feeding at 8:00 AM if the baby is very hungry. As the baby grows, you might need to give him an early-morning feeding at 6:00 or 7:00 AM. But get back on schedule by 9:00 AM. Flexibility is also needed for a growing baby.
Some babies who tend to be big spit-uppers need to be held upright for a period of time before you put them down to rest. Wait at least fifteen minutes before you put them down to rest. Their heads need to be supported at a forty-five-degree angle in bed.
What Are Ghost Feedings?
I received a text message when I was in working in Los Angeles, California, from a very sweet mother. I took care of her first child, but I couldn’t help her out with the second baby due to my commitment to my present client. She wanted to know what she could do to help her son, Gary, to sleep through the night just as well as her first child, Mark, who was now three years old and had been sleeping through the night since he was two and a half months.
She had hit a wall trying to make it happen and wanted to know what the secret was to achieving the same results for Gary, who was now three months old. I text messaged her back and wrote, “Ghost feedings are the best way to accomplish stretches of sleep.” I told her how to go about this, and she called me back after two days and was elated by the results. She told me, “Gary used to sleep for four hours at the most and would have at least two feedings during the night. My ’ghost feedings’ helped train him to sleep for six to eight hours.” She always keeps in contact, and it’s been a pleasure helping her out.
If you are not successful in having long stretches like five or more hours at this time, I encourage you to start “ghost feedings.” These are feedings that are done two hours to two and a half hours after the bedtime feeding. You tiptoe into the nursery armed with about three to four ounces of formula or breast milk, and you say nothing. Begin to feed your baby in dim light, burp him, and put him down to sleep again. Then make your exit quietly. The sound machine should be on, and you should have shades on the windows or dark curtains to block out a lot of the morning sun.
The Baby Schedule Ruler C (The Advanced Baby)Ruler C is for babies from twelve weeks of age until they are sleeping through the night.
You should feed the baby at 8:00 AM or 9:00
AM, 11:30 AM or 12:30 PM, 4:00 PM, and 7:30
PM. Then the baby can sleep as long as ten or eleven hours.
It is good to be in a very quiet place before putting your baby down to sleep. Also, you the parent must decide the cut-off point when you would like your baby to fall asleep, and this time must be enforced nightly. Eight o’clock or eight thirty are excellent goodnight times, but you must keep to the schedule as strictly as you would like the baby to observe it.
The baby gets a bottle as soon as she wakes up after ten or more hours counting from the time she goes down to sleep at night until the morning. Always give the baby some time before you enter her room to comfort her with pity-pats or turning her on the right or left side. Try not to breathe on her or talk because this will only rouse her more. Then the baby gets her morning feeding.
As time goes by, the 9:00 AM feeding will be the breakfast feeding with solids, but you can give your baby a bottle if she is fussy after 6:00 AM—then give her that 9:00 AM breakfast feeding.
Do not be afraid of fussiness or crying; they are two different things and can be interpreted wrongly by us. Fussiness is done in a rhythmic manner like talking and crying is expressed in an all-out bawl, it is much louder and arrhythmic. Letting a baby fuss a little is fine. It clears the lungs and gets rid of unwanted gas. It forces out all stress. But do not let your baby cry for a long period of time without some comfort. Your baby might be telling you something is wrong. Always check your little one’s temperature if you see a difference in facial color. Knowing what your baby looks like normally is an advantage in accomplishing early awareness of any problems, and you must contact your doctor immediately if you suspect a problem.
As your little one gets to the age of six months and older, parents can decide how long to allow their babies to fuss or cry for periods of time before giving some comfort, but I would advise parents to never allow any fussiness beyond ten to fifteen minutes at a time. The baby will eventually give up and fall asleep. But use this only at bedtime—bedtime is the strictest time of the day. Night is for rest, and so are your baby’s daily naptimes. Rest time is the number one time for your baby to sleep and refuel and for you, its parents, to have time together, socialize, make phone calls, have lunch or dinner, throw yourselves on your bed and make more babies, or just rest your souls.
Can you imagine driving a car with no fuel? This is the way you will feel if you continue without sound rest. Implement this program and abide by it daily. If you do, you’ll have a great sense of fulfillment that you are doing the right thing for your baby and your family. Do not overwhelm yourself with countless or unmindful things that will throw the success you are reaching for off track, but remember what it will mean for you to have a productive day with restful sleep. Pace yourself!
People will want to know the formula for your success and will need every detail from you. Just tell them about it. Be open to the great thing you have come across and feel free and giddy again like a teenager. Be free to express your joy at every great thing in your life.Chapter 5
Ways to Calm Down a Fussy BabyB
ABIES can mix the sweet formula for persuasion with their facial expressions, cries, and the innocent, small shape of their unique human bodies. This lure is infectious and cunning to our emotions. Politicians use persuasion to win votes and finance elections. They achieve this with the placement of TV advertisements and hot forum debates hosted by a mediator (a known personality who will provide them the questions of the day on social, economical, ethnical, and international topics). When babies use persuasion to be loved by us and to have their needs satisfied—it works! They’re our “baby candidates”!
Those facial expressions melt the soul. They can convince us to act more quickly than we would without them. It’s great to see the body language of presidential candidates and their plan to get our votes. It can make one agree or disagree on the subjects they are debating. Children posses this power of persuasion and grow up mastering it through practicing on their parents and friends and in their professional adult lives.
It is vital that infants feel the importance of their persuasion. It allows them to feel they have dominion over us. Give as much attention as possible to these little ones; this attention61will enforce the idea of their important position in the hierarchy of your family.
Here are some keys to the puzzle of newborn crying. Soothing the newborn is not an easy task. When I started my nursing career, I thought, This is an impossible task! I wanted to quit; where was the door? My lord, I thought, because of the amount of work I have in front of me, I cannot do this for life! I better start looking for that new job—anything that doesn’t include the sound of crying. Soothing the newborn child, twins, and triplets was an out-of-body experience and a challenge. To read all the signals a child gives when it is fussing, crying, miserable, and in need of something like sleep—it’s an enormous task because every human being is different. I’ve never seen two sets of twins, whether identical or fraternal, alike in personality and crying style.
“The scream, the whimper, the laugh, the roar, the moan, and the rhythmic crying convey the same messages to everyone everywhere. Like the sounds of other animals, they relate to basic emotional moods and give us an immediate impression of the motivational state of the vocalizer.”
“Crying is not only the earliest mood-signal we give, it is also the most basic. Smiling and laughing are unique and rather specialized signals, but crying we share with thousands of other species.”The Naked Ape by Desmond Morris
A fussy baby’s crying can be softened by positioning your little one in the way he wants to be soothed. Soothe him in that position where he will forget all the gassiness, hiccups, and spit-ups. Yes, your baby has a comfort zone. This comfort zone can be found by trial and error. I can tell you this because I’ve seen mothers and fathers find ways to soothe their babies, which results in peace for the whole family.
These parents are indeed creative. They will try to figure out how to soothe their babies on their own, positioning their little ones in different spots. Imagining the possibilities of coping with the newborn can help these parents become better people in general.
Intuition is the subconscious analysis that will bring about the remedy to the child’s fussiness. What parents feel is usually right. If you question yourself often enough and use your answers, presto, you will solve the problem. Great solutions are gathered in silence and translated in talk. It’s so nice to have a parent solve the problem like solving a crossword puzzle, lining everything up and seeing the results. Creative problem solving results in beautiful communication. It’s an adventure for the growing adult. But watch out for the growing baby! He or she knows you almost better than you know yourself. Your baby spends all day being close to you and listening to your conversations and the rise and fall of your voice, and she sees you turning your attention back to her every need. What can I do to become a baby again? Scientists need to work harder on this!
I begin to try to ease the newborn by first understanding the personality of the baby and, most important, the lifestyle and personalities of the parents. Let’s have more winners than losers. The Baby Schedule Ruler begins with these techniques and the positive effect you can have on your baby. Always ask yourself what positive feeling the newborn is searching for. Maybe something in his environment, such as an odor, is disturbing; it might be that the room is too hot or too cold. We’re going to search together by trying these techniques.
Try This And That, But It Will Take Parental Imagination And Creativity To Make Our Days Better
“Learn how to be optimistic even in the face of large and intimidating challenges and it will revolutionize your life.”—Donald Trump
• Fully swaddle your little one if he is under four weeks old, and swaddle the newborn halfway if he is four to twelve weeks old.
• Hold the baby upright and facing outward, placing your arms across the tummy. Hold the baby comfortably as you give her a tour of her new home.
• Let your baby see himself in the mirror. Talk to your baby or sing a favorite lullaby. Return to this position as needed. It helps to release a lot of gas.
• Swaddle your baby halfway and place her across your lap on their side. Pat your little one’s back as if you’re burping her. You can sway a little so your baby can enjoy the movement.
• Holding the baby over your shoulder, pat his back gently until a big burp comes out.
• Sing your favorite song to your newborn or play your favorite song while bouncing your newborn.
• Use a rattle to distract the baby from crying.
• Use a baby play mirror to distract her from crying.
• Fully swaddle your newborn and hold him.
• Put your baby in a Baby Bjorn and walk around with her in the home or outside.
• Dance with your newborn when he is fully wrapped or half swaddled. This often works, but do not dance too much after a feeding because the baby might spit up.
• Rocking in a rocking chair is okay, but do not rock too often or too vigorously. You should always take note of whether you are establishing good habits or bad habits for your baby. I will talk more about good and bad habits for your newborn later. The main question I am trying to ask is can you live with any habit your baby develops? You must be able to live with the baby’s habits comfortably. If a habit bothers you, you will have to change that habit. If it is harmless, the baby might just grow out of it. It might take some time.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”—Helen Keller
• If the baby is overtired and has been uncomfort- able for a long time, and you have reached your limit of trying, then the solution is to give your baby a two-minute cry.
• Fully swaddle the baby if she is under two months old or half swaddle the baby if she is older. Never full swaddle longer than four months for a preemie.Special Note:
Some babies like to be fully swaddle longer than four weeks, it’s just there personality and preference. It’s ok with me if it’s ok with you.• Put the baby down in the crib or bassinet.
• Turn off the lights and turn on a sound machine that has many selections if sounds. I always recommend the white noise selection or the waterfall.
• Return to the room after two minutes to pat the baby if he is not calming down or falling asleep. Repeat the two-minute cry for one more time cycle. If the little one is still going on, give him a top-off. A top-off is a little extra breast milk or formula given outside of feeding time to help satisfy your baby’s hunger.
• Give the baby two to four ounces of formula if the she is between five and eight pounds, or breastfeed up to fifteen minutes if you have a good flow, but add an additional five minutes if the flow of milk is a little low. Do not be afraid to try bottle of milk every now and then because it takes longer for the body to digest formula, and formula might give your baby a fuller feeling over a longer period of time if used only one time for the day.
• Everybody’s breast milk has different amounts of nutrients. The morning flow of milk is higher in nutrients than at any other time of the day.
• If it’s very nice outside, take your little one out for a walk. I believe walking your little one twice a day is wonderful for the baby and for the parent. The sun and wind wear babies out; it exhausts all their energy and relaxes them. Make it a ritual to go out on frequent walks. If you can do this once a day for one to two hours, you have done a lot for your newborn’s awareness of the world.
• Yes, get involved with other parents who can give you positive feedback, not negative comments. We do not need opposition at this time.
• Many times you will find yourself hearing a lot of bad things from other parents; please do not be upset for too long. There is a better way out if things are not so great. Let’s avoid stress. Other people’s comments can be very hurtful, but your job is to disregard the negative comments and engage yourself in peace and happiness with your baby every day.
Speaking about this is very important to me and all the families I’ve spoken with. If someone out there—on the phone, in the park, at the grocery store—is giving you an upset stomach, get out of there sooner rather than later, especially if that person is rambling on saying stressful and bad things you do not agree with.
• Feel confident in your decisions if you and your loved one agree to change any way that you take care of your baby. That’s your business. Do not make a walk with your baby a stressful time.
• Babies love the bumpiness of the pavement and the beat of being outside, but sometimes a walk will not work to calm the baby down. Just sway a little or take your baby out in the stroller for a burp or two. Babies love to see everyone out there, as well as trees, neighborhood dogs, children, squirrels, cats, cars, flower beds, gates, and you.
• Play a lot of music! And please do not listen only to one particular kind of music. There is a whole world of very entertaining selections from every country in the world. Let your heart and your baby’s soul be entertained with the gift of music.
Some programs advocate only one type of music, but your child will love any music you love. Babies love to listen to rhythms and bass beats. This is what they were exposed to in the womb. Why take it away from them now that they’re outside the womb? It’s best to let them feel as if things have not changed very much and to revisit the good things they did when they were carried by Mommy.
When all is said and done, soothing your baby comes down to finding your own niche with your newborn—whatever you discover while being active during the day. If this unique discovery soothes the baby in a pleasing way, then you have discovered something new to be used over again, that is the niche of soothing you’ve achieved with your little one
Keep on going and feel comfortable enjoying this experience. Growing into parenthood is the greatest experience you will ever feel. You’re being productive while understanding your baby’s reasons for crying. I know I sound like I’m encouraging you to become a marketing executive, but we as parents in a very unique way must sell ourselves to the newborn’s mind. They in turn seek understanding just like us. They’re thinking, “What can you do for me? Why am I naked? Who the hell are you? What’s that?" or, “How can I be you?”
Sometimes a baby is bored and just does not know what he wants from you. We can give suggestions: toys, funny facial expressions to get them involved, and so on. The change of environment will produce a new understanding in the baby’s mind, enabling him to pay more attention to it the next time you use the same routine. The baby’s boredom will be shorter and shorter as he develops patience. He will not complain too much. His weariness will go away when he accepts suggested play, naps, and enjoyment of your company. Parents are parents because they can find the right solutions for their babies.
Let me tell you how a particular family found its niche with their newborn. They discovered that their newborn loved to be in his snowsuit and taken around the city in wintertime, all cuddled and warm, for short walks. It was the only thing guaranteed to calm him down every time. Of course, he grew out of his snowsuit and is now a very beautiful and bright boy. He just loved the feel of the material or the smell; whatever the reason, he just loved it so much. If he could have spoken at the time, then he would have told us what was so special about the snow suit. But we understood his love for it.
I’ll tell you one more niche I’ve found. This is very funny, but it worked for this particular family. The daddy is a wellrounded actor who loved to rap songs very playfully. His little one at six weeks was fussy, and then all of a sudden his daddy began imitating the sounds of drum beats in his songs. To all of our amazement, his little one calmed down and peacefully fell asleep. This worked all the time for him, and the more I saw it working, the more I learned that those special songs, movements, words, and other techniques that fit your baby are as diverse as the world. As the weeks progressed, the baby’s father began to come up with other ways to keep playful. He took the baby around the house in an airplane position. The baby was faced outward and gently flying around, being supported continually in his dads arms. We call it “The Airplane.” Their baby understood the adventure and wanted more entertainment. His parents were Erinn (actress and model) and Oliver Hudson (star of Rules Of Engagement), great people indeed.“What a good mother and father instinctively feel like doing for their babies is usually best after all.”
We all have the ability to make a difference when our newborn is fussy. Just keep on trying to make things better by practicing these techniques and doing the things you love. Search for that solution, and you will find what works, as long as it is safe. If you use creative parental imagination, you will find success and create deeper bonding with your baby at fussy times.
I knew a nanny or caregiver who didn’t give the parents she worked for opportunities to be the parents. By this I mean she made all the decisions and didn’t allow the parents to use their parental creativity to figure things out for themselves. On top of her selfish outlook on life, she made her employers feel nobody could do things better than she could. She wanted to be seen in everyone’s eyes as a top nanny. But the truth was far from that. I knew she was fired because she became too competitive with her boss and anybody they hired to help out. She even tried to take advantage of her employers’ kindness. I so dislike when somebody takes advantage of people who trust them.
To all caregivers, it’s not about you; it’s about the wellbeing of the client. This person never helped the family obtain a good resting schedule or nightly routine because she didn’t want to be sent away or be let go. She knew the baby would sleep through the night if she helped them. And on top of that, she didn’t allow the parents to be creative with their baby, letting the family down.
To all parents, do your thing with your baby. I mean that you should map out all the things you want to accomplish and be persistent in accomplishing them, unless you see a need for change, like hiring a good caregiver.
To all the great caregivers out there who are not in the headlines and who have done an exceptional job allowing the families they are taking care of to love and bond with their children—may God bless you forever. Allowing parents to discover their own way of settling their baby down and putting their baby to sleep or just having good times is worth more to the benefit for all in the house. That’s love! And love is not selfish.
Put your imagination into gear. It is not only for preschoolers, but also for all parents to believe by seeing all possibilities.—Dee Rule Chapter 6
Proper Swaddling and Putting Baby Down to Sleep RuleF
oR nine months, a baby has developed and grown in the mother’s womb. It’s a tight, compact space and is a warm and very satisfying environment to grow in. When
it’s time to be delivered, a baby might say, “Hey, what happened? There’s too much room for me now. How am I going to learn how to adapt to a huge amount of space? I want to feel small, warm, and cuddly again.” The only way to simulate being back in the womb for these babies is by swaddling. Learn this technique well and be consistent at using it. It will give you a lot of sleep and make you and baby happy indeed.
There is not much peace you will achieve without proper swaddling. There’s not a way out of this rule because it is one of the most important rules in The Baby Schedule Ruler. To not swaddle your baby in some way or shape might lead to a very colicky baby—one who cries or is fussy excessively—or depressed parents. But this stress can be avoided. We can try to prevent this from happening by learning the right thing to do, and that is swaddling. This chapter goes into this matter deeply. Let’s gain peace of mind!73
This is like ice cream on a cake for a newborn. We need ice cream! You can accomplish much sleep by having your baby fully wrapped. I recommend the baby to be fully wrapped from birth to three months, or until the baby weighs twelve pounds. Full swaddling provides babies with resistance, which helps to build muscles and gain motor skills in their arms and legs. It helps them to be warm and packed in one single spot. It doesn’t confuse the baby like some parents might think. Babies are not uncomfortable when they are swaddled; it is used to comfort them into relaxing their movements.
These movements do not allow them to sleep very soundly. They keep the babies’ tummies, arms, lower bodies, and faces hyperactive. Sometimes they will do smile, but they are not smiling at you if they are between one and two months. It’s nice for your little one to show you the muscle movements they have for a smile in response to something, but responding by smiling usually cannot be done until the little one is two months or older.
Make sure you wash the wrap clothes in simple baby detergent without fabric softeners, because they can dry out a baby’s skin.
The right results will be obtained with The Baby Schedule Ruler’s A, B, and C timelines. These schedules structure a newborn’s life so that you can adjust the feeding times to your lifestyle. On top of this flexibility, I’ll show you how to deal with your baby’s growing hunger. Stop and study the feeding schedules I’ll help you create. They set limits but also allow for top-offs throughout the day that will help satisfy your baby’s growing needs. This also helps the parent feel comfortable by satisfying that fear that the baby has not had enough or is hungry for more.
The closeness of the swaddling changes as the baby grows. Between two months and three months, you must allow the baby to kick freely or stretch its legs out while keeping the arms snuggled, but if the baby’s arms get out, it’s fine. Just make sure your little one’s nails are properly clipped or filed to prevent any scratching accidents.NOTE
Use no softeners on the baby’s clothes. They may dry out your little one’s skin and irritate any rashes that would heal faster if you weren’t using softeners.
Always keep the baby on its sides or back while sleeping. This position keeps him or her from choking on his or her spit-up because it allows the majority of the spit-up to roll out of the mouth. As I’ve experienced by taking note of the babies in my care all day long, I’ve concluded that the best position for a child is on its side or back until it can do a full, 360-degree turn or lift up its head fully while on the stomach for at least ten seconds.
Half swaddling is just as beneficial as full swaddling. It gives the baby warmth and comfort. Half swaddling is more appropriate when the baby is two months and older. Allowing free rotation of the arms relieves the parents who do not like full swaddling because they think the baby is in a strait jacket. I will not force parents to fully swaddle their babies if they are not comfortable with it. Babies will not do well if they don’t get enough sleep. Sleep provides a foundation for success. If you need your rest, please consider these options for daily sleep. They work very well.
For some babies, it is best to swaddle halfway during the day and fully at night. Also, the family can fully swaddle the baby for up to three hours during the day and begin to establish a daily naptime with the full-swaddle technique, then work their way into half swaddling for the daily naps. The first four months are vital in establishing this.
Infants can get into a bad habit of not wanting to be put down for a nap or for their nighttime sleep. I have worked with parents who gave up on trying to get their babies to sleep on their own and, out of desperation, took the baby to Mommy and Dad’s bedroom, not knowing that this decision could hurt their families. When you allow your baby into your bed one time, you’ll end up doing it again and again. There are some parents who do not want to be far away from their children, and they just can’t allow their little ones to be fussy or to cry a little. Training a child to develop some independence is hard for some parents because they would like their little ones to stay small and be babies for life.
I do not blame them for thinking this way because growing up comes with a lot of responsibilities, choices, and social arrangements. Why would we want our little ones to advance so rapidly? The truth of the first year of children’s lives is hard to digest. This is the year they learn to eat, can start learning to go to the bathroom, turn on their sides, hold up their heads, sit up, and handle spit-ups. They learn to crawl and smile. What joy it gives us when they can recognize us with a huge laugh or giggle. They start to develop a whole lot of discretion; they can like a new face or dislike an old one. They develop into something very compelling that evolves by the day. As parents, we cannot stop this process of rapid development. We remember them coming home from the hospital, how little they were, and think, can they just slow down a little? But all they want is to eat until their next diaper change.
It’s 4:00 AM and the baby is waking up after sleeping about five hours. She is being breastfed, and Mommy has so much milk for her that Mommy had to pump out extra milk in the some of six-ounce bottles at the last feeding. The baby is two weeks old and is gaining weight as she should be, according to her last doctor’s visit. She has gained almost eight ounces. I have to wake the mom to come and feed this very hungry baby. We will continue.
I totally understand those parents who just do not want to let go and give their children some type of independence. But having their little ones sleep in Mom and Dad’s bed can lead to a division in the family. The social life and romance life between you and your partner can dramatically change for the worse. When you allow this behavior to continue, the baby will almost always expect to be in Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom for naps and nighttime sleep. It’s the “experience factor”; they remember sleeping in your bed but not the being in their cribs in their own rooms, lying on their sheets experiencing the smell, look, and feel of their cribs. Please do not let the baby’s room go to waste.
In the first seven to eight weeks, babies cannot see you clearly. They are guided by smells and intuition. Let’s not forget to include that they’re also guided by their parents.
Another benefit of swaddling is that these babies will be wrapped in their own fabrics and will get to know the signal you are giving to them by the very act of swaddling—that it’s time to sleep.
It is great to bring your baby to your room to play or hang out, but what’s not beneficial is for your child to believe it’s his place for a good night’s sleep. Bringing your newborn to bed sets a trend that you will pass on to all your future children and sadly cause a rift in the very foundation of your family, marriage, and relationships.
Establishing good habits and feeling positive about what you have mapped out is satisfying for your family. These little ones will always follow your lead. Being a good parent means making mistakes along the way. Yes, you will cry about those mistakes, but you should expect failure and don’t see it as a defeat. That will be like defeating yourself and not allowing yourself to review the problems or bad habits. Pick yourself up, and you’re a winner. Your best parenting will happen when you have failed and tried to not fail again. You’ll then win without trying.
Embrace the bad stuff in hopes of change. Laugh off a failure and try again to make things better. It takes practice to master parenting, and it takes patience to see victory. Envision your life with lots of love. Every day there will be some sour notes and some odd happenings. Believe in your instincts because they are always right. The truth is that the first thought is the kicker. Your instincts are the proper guide and answer to a world of problems. We like to disregard them most times and take a shortcut we somehow devised to prove them wrong.
Just like children, we adults have to fall before we can walk confidently. Thank goodness for problems. They’re the only way most people grow up. They allow us to use our imaginations to create sane solutions. This usually happens within two seconds of thought. Somehow we put together the solutions and remove ourselves from catastrophes.
Here we’re dealing with sleep and the power of having good habits. Keep these things in your arsenal and refer to them like you would a dictionary. Try to get things done in a better way. Sometimes we just run out of solutions. We need a reference! Hold on to those who have come across similar circumstances and let them help you form your own conclusions.
Not every child will become attached to sleeping in your bed or on top of your chest, but why risk the fall of your foundation (your sanity)? Not giving the child the permission to sleep with you by putting them down in her own crib or bassinet will prevent her from having the experience of sleeping in your bedroom. We love the taste of refined sugar like candy bars, fries, maple syrup, and sodas; what if we had never had an experience with the taste of sugar? We would never experience the desire for the sugar’s physical results, like the excessive weight gain it brings.
Let’s say you began to put your baby down to sleep in its bed at night or for daily naps and you gave up on that way of training your little one because he just didn’t want to sleep in his room anymore; he enjoyed the warmth and satisfaction of sleeping on your warm chest and the emotional experience of always having your permission to be there. Then we stand at a crossroads and cannot sleep or live like this anymore. Retraining your baby to sleep in his crib is going to require a whole lot of withdrawal cries and emotional changes and reorganization of the patterns your baby has put together in his mind. Edward de Bono came to a great conclusion in Lateral Thinking that the brain is “a special environment which allows information to organize itself into patterns.” The real mind is organized naturally. It looks for patterns to store and goes back to these information patterns for various uses. Lateral thinking restructures our patterns to help form more creative uses for all the information gathered as sequence. Let’s get busy as parents and help form good lateral thinking from the start for the benefit of our children’s memory.
Can we prevent the newborn or toddler from developing bad habits? Let’s not rest any insecurities we have on our children. It’s up to the parents to also parent themselves. Be very aware of your habits, and develop the pattern of good habits to give you a better response for your actions. Responsibility is a great word and nobody defines it more clearly than Stephen R. Corvey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
We have the power to control our responses from individuals we know and meet with our moment-by-moment emotional state and thoughts. Do we want to feel good today and feel bad tomorrow? Can we handle our response? What can we do today that will create the right feelings we’re looking to achieve? It is up to all humans to decide to start the process of responsibility with good habits.
“Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation and freedom in all just pursuits.”—Thomas Jefferson
Stop blaming the world for problems you have created; start making or creating good emotional outcomes. If we want a successful family, we have to work our asses off for our families to work and work well! But standing on love is not the only solution. The most valuable change we can make to reverse our discomfort is to perform some kind of action. Plan, read, and research like I’ve done to write and complete this book. Move and pray with faith. With that said, blame no one for your setbacks. Take a responsible action to move toward that faithful ending. You will be able to sleep well at night. Your days and weekends will be great if you use your time wisely.
Involvement, patience, and responsibility will get you where you’d like to end up with your family. But if you sit and do nothing, you’ll end up in spring without tulips and dead daisies in rainy weather.
“If this world affords true happiness, it is to be found in a home where love and confidence increase with the years, where the necessities of life come without severe strain, where luxuries enter only after their cost has been carefully considered.”
Baby Bath Ruler and Daily ActivitiesT
HERE’S nothing better than soaking in the tub. It’s a great feeling to be immersed in the bath, naked. It relaxes the mind and helps us woooooooo. To witness babies cooing and wooooing in their tubs is most delightful. Most babies dread their baths in the beginning. It will take about six weeks or longer until they can really enjoy bath time. As their sight improves, they will be able to interact with you more.
For first-time parents, I strongly recommend that you read this chapter a day before you attempt to give your baby a bath and the day of the bath. It’s good to prepare your little one’s bath items a day in advance. This will give you a large amount of time to look over what you need to have in place for the bath and to go and get the things you do not have. Laying out everything I’ve outlined a day before is a very good habit to have, and as you get comfortable with all the things that are needed, you can wait to prepare until a few hours ahead of the bath.
First, babies should bathe twice a week from the time when the umbilical cord falls off until the baby is three months old. This is to prevent overdrying the skin, especially the face. Start with an infant tub that has supportive netting. I find these83
are the best because they allow the baby to be submerged in the warm water. Also, the water temperature should be above the room temperature that is pleasing to the parent. Test the temperature with your hand by moving it back and forth in the water. Do some circular motions because this helps regulate the water temperature, preventing hotter and colder spots. It’s good to get into the habit of checking the water temperature constantly for comfort.Always set up all the things you are going to need for the bath before putting the baby into the tub.
These Are the Things You Need1. Infant bathtub with support netting
2. Two bath towels
3. Baby body wash that is unscented. Later on you can try out the scented brands and change them at each bath.4. Baby shampoo. The same rules apply for shampoo as with baby body wash.
5. A change of clothes
7. Ointments (A and D ointment or Aquaphor ointment for the daytime and Balmex for the nighttime. Always change the ointment you use because your baby’s skin can get used to one particular ointment, therefore causing severe and often painful diaper rashes.)8. Three washcloths
9. Large plastic cup full of warm water
10. Lotions that are unscented or that have a mild odor
11. Baby hair brush and comb
When putting the baby into the bathwater, please splash the support netting with some of the warm water, because these tub nettings can become cool very fast. It is good to do the bath with two people. One person can hold the baby and the other person can splash the support netting with the bathwater as you slowly place the baby into the water. Give about four to five splashes.
Now that the baby is in the water, just dip one of the wash cloths into the water and spread this wash cloth out on top of the baby’s abdomen and chest. This should give him a very warm feeling, minimizing chills. Take the second wash cloth and soak it into the water and start wiping the baby’s face with clear water—no bath wash. Shampoo the head and rinse after you finish lathering the body. Apply some baby wash to the wash cloth and wash the neck, arms, chest, abdomen, and legs. For the private areas, just wipe in a square pattern, getting between the creases. Then, turn the baby to the side and rub the back, butt, and legs with long strokes of the wash cloth.
Rinse the baby off with the clear water, starting from the head and working your way down the front of the body. Then turn the baby to the side and rinse the back, butt, and legs.
Grab the baby towel and gently lift the baby out of the water and place him onto the towel. Dry and lotion your baby. Always rub the lotion in your hands before applying it on the skin. This also decreases chills. Diaper and dress the baby. Also, don’t forget to give a lot of kisses.
Try to gently massage the baby with the lotion. Sometimes your baby will hate coming out of the water to be dressed and patted down. If your little one is crying a lot when he is taken out of the bath, go straight to patting off excess water between his body folds, then lotion him down and dress him. Why prolong the wait for breastfeeding or bottle feeding? Do not feel stressed out if the baby is hysterical; it’s because your little one enjoyed the bath so much. It makes him feel as if he is back in the womb. Feel free to entertain him by shaking a rattle or singing a song.
I need to take the baby out for the morning walk. I can hear him getting fussy to get outside. This will give me enough time to use the bathroom before we head on outside. I will return after our walk!
The baby will feel great, just like you do after you go to the gym sauna. I had never stepped into a gym hot tub before, but after working out, I was looking to try something new, hoping to mix up my exercise routine. Upon entering the bubbly hot tub, I felt so soft. The warm water gave me a refreshing feeling. Wow! I imagined how babies feel the first time they experience a bath. How relaxing it is to experience a feeling similar to being back in the womb where it’s heavenly.
Daily Activities Ruler
Creativity is a central source of meaning in our lives … most of the things that are interesting, important, and human are the results of creativity … [and] when we are involved in it, we feel that we are living more fully than during the rest of life.—Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Professor of Psychology
There are countless activities you can do with your baby, and I highly advise you to start off stimulating your little one with a lot of conversations and hugs. It will be great to act like a baby again.
Here are great activities that can be done with a newborn or a toddler
A. Go on long walks every day. If you have time, twice a day is good, in the morning and evening. Put your baby in the stroller or a sling holder or just simply hold him and get out of the house for a walk. She needs to embrace sunlight, wind, other people’s voices, cars driving and blowing horns, the chirping birds, and other sights and sounds.
B. Invest in a play gym, baby swing, and bouncing chair. The better ones have objects arranged around where the baby sits for interaction.
C. Always read a book a day from the fist day your baby gets home from the hospital. Please don’t delay the joy of going through the sounds and pictures of a children’s book. Also, as soon as your baby reaches three months, add two more books to read per day. It’s imperative to allow him to get interested in and see written words as you read. The pictures are colorful and the impressions of different circumstances and stories will develop his imagination. The baby will begin to correlate the sounds you’re making with the stories. Most of all, he will slowly learn patience and pacing. This has to do with evolving a natural rhythm that he will imitate from you and translate into language and personality. Incorporate a reading scenery that is fun for you and baby. You have to love the children books you’re reading to your little one. Let’s start there. If you love a book, then your baby will likely enjoy it too.
D. Show your baby a lot of facial expressions that are funny and warm. Allow her to touch your face as you make these expressions. You must also touch her face, arms, legs, and body. It will stir her curiosity and make her think about how to communicate back to you. Always try to look her in the eye and direct her focus at your eyes because a lot of babies can be distracted by all of the eye-catching things around. Get that eye contact!
E. Get a childproof play mirror or just simply hold your baby in front of your mirror. He will love who he is looking at. Babies do not entirely recognize the image of themselves. In the beginning, he will look seriously into the mirror, but he will warm up to his expressions and yours. Your little one will laugh eventually. His eyes will light up every time he sees himself, and he will want to investigate more. He will wonder, what’s a mirror? Who is in the mirror?
F. Have your little one turn over when lying down, and more important, give your baby some tummy time throughout the day. Yes, put him on his tummy! Babies need to do some push-ups to strengthen their necks and shoulders, but watch them and don’t walk away. It’s important to have your baby on the floor for the majority of daily activities beginning at three months. This is vital to your baby’s developing strength in his arms and legs. It will also encourage him to go after objects and reach at different lengths. His movements and balance will advance. Please remember to get him on the floor and play. Adapting to his great ongoing weight gain is important. It is very helpful for babies to experience their weight daily by pushing up their heads to feel the difference in the heaviness of their heads. Get busy!
G. Practice sitting up with your baby beginning around three. This will help your baby to develop the muscles she needs to sit and play.
H. It’s great if your toddler interacts with other children five months and older. Older babies will give your little one a boost of determination. He’ll want to do the same things his peers are doing. They will plant ideas in his mind or communicate to him to act. We were all born with set abilities, but through drills and practice mixed with faith, we can advance our potential.
An innocent look, smile, comment, or question will set into motion long play times. Having play dates is a must starting at six months. Get serious in allowing your baby to mingle in society with other little ones! It’s good to go out and meet parents, but do not stick around someone who is hard on you or who might want to compete with you over your baby’s skills. All children advance at their own pace. That’s real! If you are worried about any problems of development, talk it out with your doctor. Questioning yourself and your child’s development is healthy and must be done consistently! Be alert, and you’ll be just fine.The Don’t Factors
• No walkers because they can delay your child’s natural walking time.
• No being in the bouncers for longer than ten minutes a day because the baby will learn to like bouncing more than trying to walk. Also, the baby may walk on his toes more until about three years old
Special Family Events
Having a baby changes the way you view in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.—Mathew Broderick
Never ever put aside special events or occasions because you feel you are going to mess up the baby’s schedule. I strongly advise going out once or twice a week and getting off your baby’s schedule so that your baby can adapt to different patterns and still have an afternoon nap and sleep through the night. As your little one grows, you can come off the routine a little more, depending on how well the baby is sleeping through the night. Therefore, in a seven-day week, mix it up a little. You can try to do it once a week, but remember to get back on schedule as soon as you get back home. A short time off schedule is not going to make a great difference. Please do not be afraid of this; babies are adaptable. I love them so much for this.
Adults take a longer time to adjust to changes than children. One of the gifts babies are born with is how easily they can conform to our environment. They pick up some good habits and some bad ones. It is so important to start off embracing good habits first. Denying yourself or your family the enjoyment of a special engagement like Grandma’s birthday or your niece or nephew’s graduation should not be an issue. Scheduling a baby should not prevent you from enjoying invitations to events unless you are tired and need to skip the social event or family functions like Thanksgiving, birthdays, or important graduations. Of course, there are some places I would not take a baby, like to a house of sick people or a very fancy restaurant. But use your discretion, be safe, and make sound decisions with all the parental instincts you were born with. Guide your family soundly.
Speak to friends and family so they can understand the whys of the way you choose to raise your baby. Parental imagination combined with persistence written out in a schedule will bring understanding, comfort, peace, renewal, optimism, and joy to your family.Chapter 8
The Baby Burping RulerI
T is very important to highlight the proper burping of a baby. This is another topic that is not talked about enough by many baby professionals. Most families I’ve worked for
will get one burp out of the baby and think, that’s it, the baby is finished burping. This is so far from the truth. It takes many burps for the baby to settle down and feel good. I always recommend in the beginning, when your newborn comes home from the hospital, to burp the baby for every half ounce or one full ounce of formula. Yes, the baby might get upset because it wants more, or because it feels its distended stomach leave it feeling very uncomfortable. Don’t worry about the fussiness because he will feel better when some burps get out.
I’ve seen twins burped in rhythm. As I’m writing this, I find it very hysterical but so true. I can reflect back on a time when both twins I was watching were having a difficult time burping and were a little constipated. We tried everything to relieve their discomfort, when finally Sam burped his way free, then Maggie followed immediately after with three burps as if she was waiting for a signal from Sam. Just like the movie Casablanca. “Play it again, Sam!”Burping a baby again takes a lot of patience. It takes time 93
and proper technique. Let’s look at positioning. The baby can be positioned on the lap or over the shoulder. It is important to give nice firm pats on the back in a circular motion, working upward and downward. Then give your baby long strokes up and down his back; also feel for any puffiness around your baby’s sides, because this is where they are holding the air you’re trying to burp out. Give special attention to those areas and keep on massaging or patting until you hear a burp. Your job is not over, because most times, your baby will have another burp following the first. Therefore, pat about another minute or until you feel the baby needs more breast milk or formula. Learn to be aware, and you will advance your intuition about burping and reading for gas problems. Be on the lookout for a distended belly that is full of food and air. You can make your baby feel comfortable one burp at a time.
You can also try long strokes and short or simple, solid pats on one spot for one to two minutes. Be ready for some spitting up, which is normal for babies because their stomach muscles are weak and reflexive. With time, the baby’s muscles will get stronger and the baby will hold her food down with little or no spitting up. Burping the baby often enough will help to minimize large volumes of spit-up. This I just can’t emphasize enough: burping in the proper way with breaks between ounces of feeding is essential to getting a calm, happy baby with little discomfort.
As your little one grows, you can give two ounces of formula or five more minutes or so of breastfeeding to satisfy your baby’s growing hunger before burping. Some babies are fast eaters and will finish two ounces in no time, but watch very carefully to keep them from taking in too much before burping, or you might have a very large spit-up coming your way. Cover yourself with good soft burping cloths that are long and organic, like Aden and Anais burping cloths and covers, available at www.adenandanais.com. They are the best coversThe Baby Schedule Ruler 95
and burping cloths to come on the market in some time. Tell them that Dee Rule, The Baby Schedule Ruler, referred you. A lot of high-profile families adore the comfort they bring. Their blankets are money well spent, and the great thing is that they can last for years. Get them and just love them!
Burping takes time—a lot of time. I always advise my clients that burping is 80 percent of the total feeding. Don’t feed the baby more food without burping—or if you feel it is necessary to feed, then feed only a little and try burping. Take your time and do not rush the day with your little one. Make burping essential. You will get used to your baby’s signals. Babies will signal to you for a burp by gestures and movements. Sometimes they will automatically come off the breast and wiggle back and forth. In their movements, they are telling you it’s time for a burp. Look for these changes in demeanor and you will be very happy, and your baby will be so satisfied to let that burp out of its system.
In the very first moments of the newborn’s life, it is on a mission. One of its missions is to seek comfort by relying on its parents to become its “life reader.” You’re the most important life they have; you’re the baby’s only parents. I want all parents to believe in themselves and know that with practice, they will be great parents.
Learning your baby’s personality is important for diagnosing any ailments or discomfort it may feel. Other professionals call recognizing your baby’s patterns motherly love or parental instinct. I agree with these assessments, but I take it further and say that knowing your baby’s personality is a sign that you trust your “very being.” Hold your head up high and be proud to have your daily life experiences to fall back on, allowing you to question whether a particular baby behavior is troublesome or normal. We all feel and react to things differently; let’s look at the newborn as we view our own wants and needs. To make these observations will advance our awareness in caring for our little ones.
I can reflect on the days of going to high school and what kids would do for attention from other students and faculty members. Remember the fart bomb that was so vulgar in smell and when it was released it made us all very mad? That was not forgivable! The students would urgently cover their noses and open windows for fresh air. I recall a particular boy in my class named Anthony. He was tall and smart and charming, but one day in math class he let out a burp that completely turned me off. It was so big that the other students laughed, but I was appalled. What an animal, I thought. I just was recovering from a fart bomb episode. He just had bad timing! He apologized as though he hadn’t known it was coming. That said, over the years, it’s been a joy to hear babies make that burping sound. It melts my heart! I love to witness them being relieved from gas pains. And yes, today I can forgive Anthony!Chapter 9
good Habits/Bad Habits RulerT
HE world benefits when we all get along and never irritate each other. No matter what kinds of habits we have, we can make peace happen. We try to deal with discomfort of changing our habits. We can consider the comfort and joy that a certain behavior will give our fellow humans.
A child inherits some or all our traits and adds some of his or her own habits or other outside habits of those around them, like friends and family. Seeing and feeling different behaviors sets off an adrenaline response. Exposure to some traits might not be desirable, but the exposure to attractive ones will ignite your little one.
Parents can start establishing good habits early in their newborn’s life to help his day be acceptable, manageable, and bearable. Why attract problems you cannot deal with today? Most likely these problems will be a thorn in your side as they get out of hand. Recognize what you’re doing that might give negatively impact our families and attack those behaviors with changes for the good. Good habits are the ticket to where you want to go!97The baby is sleeping now on my lap. I’ll wait a while before I lay her down to sleep in her crib. I’ll be back!
In the beginning, there was the pacifier. We, as parents, were never taught through medical training how to use this instrument. We just saw it in the store and bought it. We have given it as a baby shower gift and thought it would be useful for a parent to be. Your friends and family members use it for their children. But do we know the proper way to use the “binky”?
If your baby loves the pacifier, or binky, using ones in different sizes and shapes is fine with me if it is okay for you. The key to the pacifier is to use it only during the day. Otherwise you can do without it. It’s not needed if your baby can be comforted by other means. It’s one less habit to get rid of.
Let’s look at the daytime pacifier love spell. This just might describe your day with your little one. Maybe she struggles to suck the pacifier. She will put up a fight for it or against it by crying for it or spitting it out. She will have it in her mouth and still fuss with it—this is the “binky war.” The binky gives her more gas and makes her burp a whole lot more. She may spit up on it and squirm or search for it constantly, even though it’s in her mouth. Your little one may not feel it where she wants it to be, and she might get upset by this. This struggle with the binky will become a pain if you don’t have the patience to put up with it.
What is a parent to do to think, sleep, and still be sane every day? My answer is, only use the pacifier in the daytime, not at night! The only exception to this rule is if you are traveling a long distance or if you’re in a situation in which you can’t think anymore. But if your baby is sleeping, take the pacifier out of his mouth! He does not need to be reminded of the sweet rubber.
The nights are for sleeping, and it will take some time for your baby to learn to forget about the pacifier. This takes time and persistence, but when accomplished, the family will reap many nights of restful sleep. You must be adamant that you will not give in because you have fed your baby and know she is not hungry. Also, if you have burped and changed your baby’s diaper and know he is not sick, you know for yourself that everything is fine. Make sleep time the most important time of the day, in which you, as the parent, will not give in to the pacifier habit. Set a cutoff time for the pacifier. If it is 7:00 PM, keep to this time daily. Do not break the cutoff time unless you’re traveling by car or plane and need to get to your destination without trouble. This will be one of the best things you can start doing for yourself and your little one.
Remember, the pacifier is not a bad thing. Some babies have to have it, and some do not care about it. It is much better if you can find something other than plugging the baby with the binky with which to distract the baby. Be constructive and find another thing your baby will love to do or be a part of. Let your parental imagination take over and you will obtain peaceful and joyful resolutions. Have fun!
The second habit is rocking in the rocker. Rocking is good and is soothing to the baby. However, there comes a time when the baby wants nothing more than to rock all day long. When Desmond Morris wrote in his book on the study of humans and other primates in The Naked Ape, he said, “The rocking motion is carried on at about the same speed as the heartbeat, and once again it probably ’reminds’ the infants of the rhythmic sensations they became so familiar with inside the womb, as the great heart of the mother pumped and thumped away above them.” Your baby will remember and love this habit, and if she falls into a light or deep sleep, she will eventually wake up if you stop rocking or if you put her down in bed. So you will need to repeat the cycle repeats itself. Your little one just can’t get enough of your heartbeat. It is one of the things she can most remember listening to before she came into this world.
Newborns love your warm body, and it comforts them to be close to you. I totally support body closeness—between Mommy and baby, Daddy and baby—but it is also good for newborns to learn some independence. Therefore, let’s not rock more than five minutes at a time. Try to stop and rock a little, sometimes stopping in a very subtle manner. Don’t be too aggressive with the rocking. Also, try to change the routine by just holding the baby and pausing with one or two rocks at a time until you can pause for at least five minutes without waking the baby.
Another helpful action is to pat the baby on the back. Start a rhythm that you love, like one from a song, and pat that rhythm without rocking. Add pauses to the rhythm like on a music sheet. Also, it is good to put the baby down as he drifts away. Holding your baby way from your body a little at a time as he falls into a deeper sleep. If you practice this more, you will learn how to put the baby down to sleep without rocking and the baby will learn what you’re trying to achieve and will give up fussing after a few tries. Have you exercised on a treadmill and after walking or running for a number of minutes, you reach a point at which you give up and press stop? Your little one can give up and fall asleep, but he won’t until he cannot play tug of war with you any longer. He will fall asleep by the helpful actions of a persistence parent.
It will be better to swaddle and hold the baby up high on the shoulders, to apply pressure to his tummy with his body weight and warmth. Having his arms out and over your shoulder dangling is the perfect over-the-shoulder holding position. Whether half swaddled or fully swaddled, place the baby high enough so that his head is on your shoulder and is positioned looking outward, not down. The baby’s head will move back and forth, but she will eventually give up fussing soon; just gently place the head into position will not allow her to mistake your shoulder for a breast or nipple, as this will irritate the baby if she thinks you might feed him. Just remember to elevate the baby to a position at which she is comfortable.
• Please, no rocking and feeding the baby at the same time! Because the baby will be drinking and digesting as you feed it, rocking will make the baby spit up the breast milk or formula. Rocking and feeding also makes babies feel very dizzy.
Let’s Be Quiet Before Resting!
It is very important to be calm before going to sleep. Set a calm atmosphere for your baby starting ten to fifteen minutes before bedtime. Accomplishing this is different for every family, but it can happen if you take note of the volume of sounds and activities that are going on around you and your baby. The TV, radio, conversations, cell phones, slamming of doors, and even loud closing doors should be quieted. Go around your home and make a note of all things that can be disruptive at this time. Continue to live a normal life; just be more aware of the surroundings because there are a lot of things we do not concentrate on. At times we get used to the home rhythm and we tune out what we want to put in the distance. I live near the highway, and I tune out the trucks bumping over the road because I have always lived in the city. For somebody from the county, the highway would be a huge disruption. The baby will need time to develop the ability to tune out loud noises. Time is a healer. It provides sutures that sew up problems in our lives to make things better.
Having a sound machine is wonderful way to block out background noises, but it doesn’t block out your newborn’s awareness of everything. We can try to quiet things down a little, but you do not have to live in a bubble. However, a quieter and softer evening, naptime, or anytime before you would like your baby’s rest time will benefit the whole family. Let’s practice perfecting the mood we are trying to establish in our daily routine. Be practical in establishing a sound sleep time. I will help you to construct a totally active yet well-paced day in which you and your family can find time to relax.
We want to imprint into the baby’s conscious and subconscious mind more good habits than bad ones. Yes, babies must be loved and pleased, and they are growing to like different things around them: colors, smiles, and the sound of your voice. These are positive memories, and with every passing day, enforce positive feelings by enjoying your baby. Try to notice if you’re rocking too much, because it will be too hard for the baby to go to sleep without it.
Parents should come together for healthy conversations. They should talk in a friendly tone and not irritate each other. Just say to your loved one, “Let’s have a healthy conversation today about what you like about me and what I enjoy about you.” Then direct your conversation toward your family. Talk about what you like and expound on what you enjoyed about your childhood and whether you would like your children to experience some of that joy.
The idea is to renew each other’s love and passion. Sharing thoughts about enjoyments will help each of you recognize and plan how to have fun in your relationship. Dreaming of seeing your family being like you’ve imagined cannot be emphasized enough. Set the standard and express the feelings you love. Do not keep good stories to yourself. Let others feel good in return, and your loved one will open his or her heart and share stories or past experiences.
If you cannot come up with a good conversation, then cuddle up together and be comforted that you will have another day with peace and love as your number one goal. Light a scented candle and cozy up with a cup of tea. Bring out a blanket and be yourself!
World peace starts at home. It begins to resonate from the cradle. Babies are unbiased, but they grow to mimic bad attitudes they see in adults. Our children can only follow our example. Treat yourself the same way you treat your newborn. Your life will improve. Change starts at home in the hearts of all men and women.
Sit down for good conversations! See yourself being loved the way you want to. Imagine the great adventures you will have raising your baby. Then see yourself living that dream of happiness and liberty. What is this liberty I speak of? It’s your fears being hold back. Dark thoughts of a lack of success are nonexistent. Start practicing with good talk.Chapter 10
Breastfeeding Woes Cure Ruler and the Daddy Blues RulerB
REASTFEEDINg is wonderful for the parent who enjoys the idea, but it’s not very pleasant for moms who dread breastfeeding or who cannot feed from the
breast due to stress and discomfort. It is very important to talk about this. Never allow family or friends to force you to do anything you do not enjoy doing.
Breastfeeding is not for everybody, and everybody is not for breastfeeding. Genetics play a large part in whether you get huge amounts of milk or small amounts. Drinking a beer a day, having some fenugreek, and drinking lots of water can be very helpful in producing more milk. But we came into this world already programmed to give as much as is needed to our babies. For the parent who has very little or no breast milk, feel good that you were born with the best milk for your baby. It’s good to give some amount of milk, but things could be much worse than having low breast milk. Thank your lucky stars that you have a beautiful family and a baby who wants lots of love from you.It’s okayto not want to breastfeed. On July 31, 2007, an article 105
ran in the New York Times by Sewell Chan titled, “Hey, Moms: No More Baby Formula in the Hospital Gift Bag.” It talked about how certain hospitals throughout the United States—in New York, California, and Texas, to name a few—would not offer formula in gift bags anymore due to the overwhelming benefits of breastfeeding. “The decision by the New York City Health and Hospitals Cooperation has not been universally applauded.” To put forth new efforts to greatly discourage women from formula feeding has caused the issue to reach a boiling point. As reported in the article, this “has gone too far, making women who find nursing hard or unpleasant feel guilty or inadequate.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics pushes the support of breastfeeding. They have stated that there are “health, nutritional, immunological, social, economic, and environmental benefits” for all breastfed babies. As far as I know, it is not for everybody. A lot of people promote breastfeeding as though their lives depended on it, but it’s important for you to enjoy breastfeeding and not to feel as if you’re not human anymore if you don’t breastfeed. Try not to allow yourself to feel that you let your newborn down if you do not breastfeed. He will be just fine and will develop well. My personal advice is to know what you’re going to do before you have the baby. Plan whether you’re going to try to breastfeed or not. Speak to moms who have breastfed and moms who didn’t like it or just couldn’t. You will get a sense of what your options will be like. Most important, put on paper how long you’re going to breastfeed. It is good to breastfeed for at least six weeks to start. Your baby needs those ever-so-important antibodies that breast milk provides.
Also, pumping and feeding the baby is a very good alternative if you do not like to bring the baby to the breast or if you simply find pumping easier. It’s also good to give your nipples a break from direct breastfeeding. It’s important to give yourself alternatives to use when breast feeding. It’s good for you to always know your exit. Plan this out! If you cannot decide when you are pregnant, then decide later. I leave this up to you. Centers for Disease Control suggest that moms should breastfeed their babies for the first twelve months of life. The World Organization suggest two years.
It is important that mothers do not develop insecurities with breastfeeding. I have to say that some people rely on the comfort it gives in order to avoid a lot of personal problems that need to be resolved. Recognize that feeding your baby is very beneficial to both of you; yet be aware if you are action of breastfeeding for comfort when a problem strikes. Try dealing with the problem on a non-breastfeeding level. Do not rely on the comfort it gives you too much as a solution to personal problems, because the comfort will not last forever. Be strong for yourself. Sometimes the good feelings of breastfeeding can alienate you from your husband and your loved ones. This is extremely difficult for some people to understand. But I want you to be aware of not keeping people away. If they do not understand, help them understand. Keep socializing with friends and family. Also, resolve any major problems as soon as possible—don’t keep people who love you away. Open up and feel free to discuss things that will be helpful.
Breastfeeding gives your baby nurture and helps her to develop antibodies and to gain weight, as well as enhance developmental abilities. It would be good to let others know these facts so that they can better understand the joy you feel when you feed your baby every day. It gives you security, and it also passes that security on to the baby.
Mothers who are breastfeeding often wonder how much milk their babies are getting and if it is enough. Your little one will tell you if he is full or needs more milk or supplement with a top-off of formula or breast milk sometimes. Once your little one is gaining weight consistently, you have no need to worry. The only question that remains to be resolved is how much extra milk he can keep down. Babies want a higher volume of food as they grow, and they don’t know when to stop swallowing sometimes. But what they do when they’re full is what’s important for the mother to recognize.
If your baby twists and turns or makes funny sounds like a billy goat while feeding, then she just needs a helpful burp. These sounds are a strong indication that she wants a little more but needs to free up some room in her tummy.
When your baby makes these sounds, a poo might be on its way. Babies like to take a pause sometimes when breastfeeding or bottle feeding to think about whether they need to poo. Extra room is vital for them so they can consume more of the rich, fulfilling taste of Mommy’s warm milk. Beware of movements so you can comfort your baby! Question your baby’s actions and then follow your parental instincts.
As for your husband or partner, who might feel left out, he will get over it. It’s a big change to have a new little one sharing Mommy. Be patient with your loved one and he should be extra patient with you! Let him know this! He must expect that things might not be romantic for a long time. It’s time to care for the newborn. I’ve learned that words can be very hurtful, because the person you speak to might translate what you say to his or her liking and might infer negativity in your words, although you might have meant them to be positive. Sometimes what we say can come across as an insult. It breeds anger, not understanding. It will take time for us to turn things around to be positive or for the receiver to simply completely forget. Having a mediator can bring comfort.
Let’s practice love first, and then romance will come running to the bedroom. We need to heal from the delivery and learn to take care of the little one first.
Your loved one will eventually come around and bond as you have bonded with the baby. Remember to always put yourself first. Whatever you do or try to accomplish in life, let it be worth the effort. You want to look back and say, “It wasn’t a mistake. I planned it out and took all necessary steps to have a fulfilling life.” To have a newborn now is wonderful because you cannot allow any bad things to happen. You’re an experienced person, and your baby can grow with the expectation that whatever you decide is for his benefit.
Now lets take a deeper look into breastfeeding and what breast milk is mainly composed of. First, make sure you are in a comfortable position with head pillows or a pillow designed for nursing, such as a Boppy pillow. Have something to drink nearby and be relaxed. You’re a person of great care and wellbeing, and everything is going to be all right if you relax. Turn on your favorite TV program or simply listen to music you like. This time is not a good time to have everybody asking you questions. You need to be calm and stress free when you breastfeed, please!
Dr. Masaru Emoto’s book, The Hidden Messages in Water, blew me away. He asked, “How can people live happy and healthy lives?” I had to include his conclusion in full:
Understanding the fact that we are essentially water is the key to uncovering the mysteries of the universe … the various events that unfold throughout a person’s life are events reflective in water.Hidden Messages In Water —Dr. Masaru Emoto
By photographing samples of water and then freezing the water, he took photos of the shapes that were formed. He played music to these water samples and froze the shape of the vibrations. Some shapes were beautiful crystal forms like snowflakes. Depending on what type of music he played, these water crystals took on different forms. Some were very abstract and could not be identified as a beautiful crystal. He spoke to the water with words like “thank you,” and the water took on a beautiful crystal form. However, when he said to the water, “You fool!” the water crystals were formless or abstract. Every parent, human, society, religion, nonreligion, criminal, president, teenager, environmentally conscious person, nonenvironmentally conscious person, and counselor should take a look at the amazing pictures of his research. Dr. Masaru Emoto’s pictures shook my life and all the water in me!
“We start out life being 99% water, as fetuses, when we are born, we are 90% percent water … adulthood we are down to 70% … old age, we will probably be about 50% water.”—Dr. Masaru Emoto
Do what you love! Do your thing! I love to play tennis and when Jackie Sandler said, “Dee, do your thing!” I feel encouraged and happy to be doing that thing I love. Our very beings enjoy the things we do well. Putting aside what we love when having a newborn will stifle our minds, spirits, and all water supplies. Wellness is established by having the majority of what we are made of performing by doing, thinking, reading, loving others, socializing, singing, being funny like Adam Sandler and Goldie Hawn, watching our favorite shows like Rules of Engagement and Two and a Half Men, and hugging our babies to achieve harmony. That perfect crystal will form. That’s beauty within!
The baby’s mommy is going out to the park and will meet the daddy there. I’m going to put some things together and will continue this important chapter. Don’t go away!
When you breastfeed, you must make sure the baby has a good latch. Open the baby’s mouth wide and let him get a good wide grip on your areola, not just the nipple. If the baby only has the nipple in his mouth, you will suffer a lot of pain during feeding and after. Listen to your baby as it feeds. If you are not hearing it swallow, then the baby is just nibbling and not eating. Nibbling happens when the baby is sucking the nipple and using your breast as a pacifier but not drinking. It’s very easy for this to happen; therefore, you should always check for proper sucking. If you need to take the baby off to adjust his latch, on the second or third try, lower the baby’s jaw with your finger to get the baby into a wide-mouthed latch. Don’t be afraid of not getting it right always. A lot of practice will make you fearless, and you’ll feel very happy. Feel the difference! Also, make sure you get some lanolin and apply it to your nipples after feeding.
“No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.”—William Penn
If you are breastfeeding and your breasts are sore or engorged, take a warm towel and place it over your breasts until the towel is cool. Repeat this about three times to help break the milk down and ease the pain; feed after or pump if it’s not feeding time!Conditions that might prevent your baby from getting enough from the breast:
A. The baby is less than five and a half pounds at birth
B. The mother has very large nipples
C. The baby has mouth distortions like a high palate or a cleft lip and palate
D. The baby is a preemie
E. The baby is dehydrated
Always be in contact with your doctor for advice. Know that every pediatrician has a different way to handle things.Helpful Latch-on Tips
There are times when latching on is very problematic. It can feel like the baby does not want any more milk, is just not happy, or does not want to latch on. We can try these helpful things:
1. Put one ounce of breast milk or formula in a bottle. Using the Avent bottles, just minister a few drops at a time to your breast so that your baby can taste the milk as if it’s already in his mouth. Soon you will find your baby searching for the nipple and eventually getting a good latch.
2. Burp the baby over your shoulder or on your lap in an upright position, at the same time giving firm pats on the back. I suggest working your way upward then downward. It will take some time for the burp to come out, but be patient, and it will happen before you know it.
3. Squeeze your breast a little, massaging it and directing your fingers downward toward your nipples. Keep on doing this until you get some milk, then direct your baby to open up wide by gently pulling your little one’s jaw down for a great latch as you bring your baby to your breast.Things to Avoid When Nursing
A. Nipple shields. They can suppress good stimulation of the sinuses under the areola from the sucking.B. Stressful environments
D. Any highly gassy foods, caffeine, and chocolate
When feeding, it is good to start feeding the baby for ten minutes before burping and to repeat another ten minutes until you have fed for half an hour total. Feed every three hours to start, and make sure you wake your baby up for a feeding in the daytime and allow your baby to sleep for four to five hours in the night before feeding again. Your little one might want to feed before the scheduled time, and you can allow this, but not before three hours have elapsed since the last feeding. In “Parental Persistence,” I speak about how to go about feeding on a schedule. This chapter really gets into the facts and benefits of my system. Please review it. Here are some tips for breastfeeding.
Keep on a nursing bra all times to help protect your back from the pain of the ever-increasing weight of your breasts. Always wear a nursing pad inside your bra to prevent embarrassing leaks.
Keep your body hydrated and eat healthy meals regularly will help your production of milk. If you excise daily, please keep drinking water after working out because breast milk is over 80 percent water. The baby needs it and the mommy does too. You might forget to keep hydrated. The best solution for this is to always keep a bottle of water or something to drink in the place you know you are going to breastfeed.
Play music or turn on the TV . I highly recommend this technique. This will keep you feeling great and not feeling that everything has to change in your life. It is not true that you have to stop doing the things in life you so love doing. Stop thinking this way and do not listen to people who pressure you to change your love of things that uplift you. The TV and music are entertainment and make you feel youthful and happy. Don’t take that away from yourself. Keep your heart free to explore, and you will overcome all obstacles. Situations will be easy to deal with, but confusion has no business being where you feed. If you feel a certain conversation is not making you happy, it is not making your baby happy either. Never feed your baby when you’re upset. Try to avoid any disruptions that don’t make you and baby feel good.
Sickness in the Time of Breastfeeding
When you come down with a cold or the flu, do not interrupt breastfeeding. Most likely your baby will have already been exposed to the virus that caused you to be sick. You produce antibodies against the illness that will reach the baby through your breast milk. Please eat something and drink plenty of water. Do not wean your little one. Also, your milk supply might decrease a little, but it will increase again after the illness has passed. Giving your baby beast milk give fluids and vital nourishment until the end of this sickness.
Fever is a sign of illness and infection. For the first five months, your baby’s temperature should not be greater than one hundred. If you find it climbing upward, contact your pediatrician as soon as possible. Feed your baby frequently when your little one has a fever because it can lead to dehydration, and it’s important to replace the lost fluids. Look out for fewer wet diapers and a very dry mouth.
Mom’s Mental State on the Down Side
Most women go through emotional changes after giving birth, but when emotional swings are severe, the mom is problem experiencing postpartum depression. One out of ten new mothers will have postpartum depression and some will have the alienating postpartum psychosis that can cause hallucinations and mental confusion. A very stressful pregnancy or a difficult birth can trigger postpartum depression, as can spousal abuse or family abuse. The Institute of Psychiatry located in London researched postpartum depression and showed that depressed moms had experienced some type of depression during pregnancy and that this depression continued after birth. This state of depression some moms experience has led to infant deaths.
“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature, and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exist, and then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.”—Anne Frank
Please Watch out for These Signs or Changes within Yourself1. Thoughts of suicide
2 Crying every day
3. Compulsive worries or strong guilty feelings
4. Lack of appetite and a desire to always stay in bed
5. No interest in things you love to do
6. Isolation from friends and family a
7. Irrational outbursts
“So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong …”
Mariah Carey, Hero
It is important to contact your physician if you are experiencing these feelings. Keep your mind healthy through meditation and positive thinking. Opening up about all your feelings and fears to a loved one or friend is a great start.
Dads can experience depression in the weeks before and after the birth of a newborn. This may seem odd to some people because dads don’t carry the baby for nine months, but what dads can become depressed and fearful, they may not feel good enough, and they may have financial pressures. These can overcrowd a dad’s priorities and thoughts.
Can you imagine the amount of men who feel left out? Even though they are there with you and are holding the baby, they can feel left out because the baby has the mother’s breast now. Men can get a little jealous when a mother breastfeed but it is all natural for them to experience this. I am so glade to let this out because it is not talked about thoroughly by some couples. It’s an emotional transition for the whole family. Who in the world can they speak to about this besides their wives and not get an uncomfortable response? Men like to keep their feelings quiet, and this can cause conflict. Time will give them loving patience. They will bond with the baby and grow. Sometimes they will not bond as fast as they want to, but it will happen soon enough.
“My husband is going crazy!" This was a message I received in New York from a mother whose babies were five months old and never slept through the night.“How did you get my number?" I asked.
“From a lady whose twin boys I care for in New York,” she replied.
“Oh,” I said. “Why is your husband losing his mind?”
“He is forcing me to feed the babies at any time in the night and wants me to do all the wake ups after being with the babies all day long. He is not being supportive and is now driving me mad.”
“Relax,” I said. “Tell me about your babies’ day. How often do you feed them? Do you go outside with them often?’
She answered, “The babies feed every three and a half hours, and we put them down to bed just after 8:00 PM. Also, we do not go outside with them very often because it is too much for me. They never like to stroll into stores.”
I responded, “Here is the plan.” I gave her the outline of Baby Feeding Schedule C for babies who are three months and older. I told her to go outside with the babies in the morning for an hour and another hour in the late afternoon. I said, “You are going to start ghost feedings.”
“What is that?" she asked.
“It is a feeding you give to the babies in very low light. You give this feeding two to two and a half hours after you put them down for the night. After feeding, you burp them and put them down to con-tinue sleep.”
“How much formula or breast milk should I give?" she asked.
“Three to four ounces is a good start. Sometimes your babies will only want one to two ounces. Do not worry; that means they are content with that. Just burp them and put them down to sleep. It is important to say nothing at this time. Do you have a sound machine?”
“Then you’re set to have a better night.”
She text messaged me three days later and said, “I wanted to call or text you two days ago, but I didn’t want to jinx the night. The boys have been sleeping at least ten hours for the last three nights, and my husband and I are getting important, much-needed rest. Your advice saved my sanity and my husband’s. We didn’t have the extra money to hire a night nanny or nurse. You have saved us a bundle. Now we walk the babies twice a day. We enjoy the park, and sometimes I can go into the stores quickly if they are asleep. I just can’t wait for your book to be out there. It is going to help support a lot of families back to sanity. Thank you, thank you. Between going outside twice a day for walks and the ’ghost feedings,’ your advice has changed my life. My husband can enjoy the boys more, and I don’t feel I have to constantly feed them for every cry.”
Some men will express their concerns and try to deal with their anxieties and low feelings by speaking to family and friends. “The father’s functioning as a support person is key …” (Holopainen 2007). Depression is a family problem, not just a personal problem, because it affects love and harmony. Families can talk about depression in fathers, and men can express their feelings and concerns. Just getting it out there, spitting to the other side of the universe what is troublesome, is the first step for healing the stress. Please contact a doctor who can take you through the necessary steps and help turn things around for the good of the family.
1. High levels of stress
2. Dreams of harming the baby
3. Lack of sleep
4. Abnormally high sex drive
5. Strong outbursts of anger
6. Not playing or cuddling with the baby
7. Increased addictive habits like heavy drinking
8. Impatience with the baby crying
9. Not being helpful in the home
Mothers and fathers need to support each other. They should not divide the love they’ve created but deal with difficulties one day at a time. Love will heal any concerns, thereby setting in motion healing, compassion, attention, patience, peace, and bonding with the newborn.
“Fathers who feel supported by their partners in finding their own ways of caring for their infants are likely to develop a strong connection to their babies, and are also unlikely to develop depression.”—Cowan and Cowan, 1988
Parents can write down all of their fears on a notepad. Set a date and time to review all these problems and ideas and hopefully work things out in a calm and responsible way. Form a strategy on the things you need to pay more attention to or change. These get-togethers can help get parents through the everyday ups and downs. School districts, societies, athletic clubs, business groups, networks, advertisers, churches, police departments, presidents, and others use a forum to come together to find solutions. Taking a statistical view of your days and weeks will sharpen your relationship. Also, it will make your loved one think first instead of acting out. Write your feelings down first, and then think about them. Then decide if you should communicate your feelings on the appointed day or simply erase the problem because you’ve found a peaceful resolution. You will thoughtfully go over how to make a better day for the family. Whatever the situation may be, it will slow down an angry response.“There’s something about slow motion. It gives us enough time to change our minds.”
It’s a good idea to review your wants. Take time a do this, and life can be slowed down and improved. We want to see improvements, so list your concerns and work out all mental steps and the funds that are needed to make your family happy. Let’s not walk around with sadness for too long. Place these thoughts on paper and leave them there. If it’s not critical that you speak about your thoughts right now, let the paper become like a stop sign to you. Stop and look left and right! Think it through. How am I going to solve the problem that’s bugging me? Our society is always rushing, and we want answers right away. Many times finding answers to problems takes a very long time, but an answer will come. Take a deep breath. Sometimes forgetting can be just as beneficial as thinking. Always remember to put happiness first. In the “Who Do You Love" survey I took, most parents responded with material things, and the love they had for family and friends. Most of these individuals spoke of themselves last. Out of fifty people, thirty-six of them remembered themselves last or close to last.
“If I find that some particular thing is causing me to have stress, that’s a warning flag for me. What it means is there’s something that I haven’t completely identified, perhaps in my conscious mind, that is bothering me, and I haven’t yet taken any action on it. I find as soon as I identify it, and make the first phone call, or send off the first e-mail message, or whatever it is that we’re going to do to start to address that situation—even if it’s not solved—the mere fact we’re addressing it dramatically reduces any stress that might come from it. So stress comes from ignoring things that you shouldn’t be ignoring, I think, in large part.”—Jeffrey Bezos Founder and CEO of Amazon.com
The Baby Schedule Ruler A
his starter is for babies who are between one and six weeks of age.
You should feed at 8:00 AM, noon, 3:00 PM, 6:00 PM, 9:00 PM, and at four- to five-hour intervals at night. If the baby is very hungry, you should feed the baby any time before the fourth or fifth hour, but not before three hours. After this feeding, go another four to five hours before feeding again. Also try to feed your baby at 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning if you can. Also, a good opportunity for a top-off is the late morning. But try to get back on schedule by feeding on time at the next feeding, the noon feeding.
The Baby Schedule Ruler B:This schedule is for babies between six and twelve weeks old.
You should feed the baby at 9:00 AM, 12:30 PM, 4:00 PM, 7:30 PM, and at five- to six-hour intervals at night. Try to not give anything until at least five hours after the last feeding. The last feeding is the ghost feeding. If your baby is doing six- to seven-hour stretches after the 8:00 PM or 8:30 PM feedings, you do not need to give ghost feedings. Your baby can have a night feeding, but put the baby down after burping and don’t talk to him or rock him. Also, try to feed close to 9:00 AM, but if you cannot, then start feeding at 8:00 AM if the baby is very hungry. As the baby grows, you might need to give him an early-morning feeding at 6:00 or 7:00 AM. But get back on schedule by 9:00 AM. Flexibility is needed for a growing baby.
Ghost feedings are feedings that are done two to two and a half hours after the bedtime feeding. You tiptoe into the nursery armed with about three or four ounces of formula or breast milk, and you say nothing. Begin to feed your baby in dim light, burp him, and put him down to continue to sleep. Then you leave like a ghost.
The Baby Schedule Ruler CThis schedule is for babies beginning at twelve weeks and ending when they are sleeping through the night.
You should feed the baby at 8:00 AM or 9:00
AM, 11:30 AM or 12:30 PM, 4:00 PM, and 7:30
PM. Then the baby can sleep as long as ten or eleven hours. Also, you must decide the time when you would like your baby to fall asleep. This time must be enforced nightly. Try setting 8:00 PM or 8:30 PM as the goodnight time.
The baby gets a bottle as soon as he wakes up after ten or more hours, beginning from the time he actually goes down to sleep. As time goes by, the 9:00 AM feeding will become the breakfast feeding with solids, but you can give your baby a bottle if he is fussy after 6:00 AM in the mornings.
It’s been incredible. These last few years, there has been a baby boom like no other. I just can’t walk a block without seeing an expecting mother. Twins have been on the rise. There are nonstop TV shows about pregnancy and babies coming home from the hospital, as well as living with multiples and raising expanding families. Celebrities are in on the baby trend, and most trends start in Hollywood. Halle Berry, Jessica Alba, and Christina Aguilera are expecting, and Jennifer Lopez is waiting to deliver twins, and many more babies are on the way in Hollywood.
In 2007, Nancy Grace and David Linch had twins, and joining them is Marcia Cross. I can go on singing the praises of the baby boom. I always thought as the stock market goes, so does the stork.
Keep your mind sharp, healthy, and most of all, free. Create great memories. Imagine the possibilities. A challenge is a good thing! Get your loved ones involved. Have a get-together, but allow rest and peace. Get out of the house. Keep on schedule! Time is what we do with it. Spend one minute on arguments and twenty-four hours on creating peace.
Be always in your little one’s thought pattern. Spend as much time as possible to engage your mind into his world. Living the dreams you want for his future will liberate you from some depression. Take action to enhance your happiness, doing what you love.
Who do you really love? Who should you care about the most? We all have different answers, but I can say I must love all people by first not discriminating against myself. The parable of loving your neighbor as yourself is so true. That is true happiness for me. I just could not leave any soul out.
Breastfeeding can be very challenging. Being a new dad can be shocking, but love is always welcoming.
The spirit always grows, even in different seasons. It’s a baby on the way. Do not be in your way of growth. It’s an opportunity to enjoy a new soul. This is the time for all to grow in heart. The human intuition can be perfected if we only listen. Stubbornness needs to be put on pause. Learn the baby way and achieve the great joy you seek.
The Baby Schedule Ruler’s schedules A, B, and C can be mastered and used as you desire. Adjust them, as you need to. Be strong and always ask for help.
Let’s keep on helping the family be unique by accomplishing all the desires of life.
“Parents, however old they and we may grow to be, serve among other things to shield us from a sense of our doom. As long as they are around, we can avoid the fact of our mortality; we can be innocent children.”—Jane Howard
THINGS WE NEED IN THE NURSERY1. Suction bulb and Little Noses saline solution
2. Cool air humidifier
3. A breast pump
4. A and D ointment, Balmex, and Aquaphor ointment
5. Digital thermometer
6. Diapers (Huggies or Pampers)
7. Unscented wipes
8. Wipes warmer
9. Cetaphil lotion, baby wash, and baby shampoo
10. Diaper Dekor (for disposing of dirty diapers)
11. Changing table pads
12. Sound machine 13. Music player
14. Burping cloths and baby wraps (swaddling blankets)
15. Nail clipper and first aid kit
16. Dark blinds for the windows
17. Baby bathtub
18. Wash cloths and towels
19. The Avent sterilizer
20. A crib or bassinet
21. Changing table
22. A room listening monitor
* These are suggestions therefore, please pick or choose what you like. Shop baby, shop!!!
End NotesBezos, Jeffrey, Interview by The Academy of Achievement, San Antonio, TX, May 4, 2001.
Chan, Sewell, “Hey, Moms: No More Baby Formula in the Hospital Gift Bag,” New York Times, July 31, 2007.
Condon, S. William, “Culture Microrhythms,” Interaction Rhythms: Periodicity in Communicative Behavior, New York: Human Science Press, 1982.Corvy, R. Stephen, “The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People,” New York: Simon and Schuster, 1999.
Cowan, P.A., and Cowan, C.P. Changes In Marriage During the Transition to Parenthood: Must We Blame the Baby? The Transition to Parenthood: Current Theory and Research. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1988.Czikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. Creativity: Flow and Psycology Of Discovery And Intervention, New York: Harper Collins, 1996.
De Bono, Edward. Lateral Thinking, London: Penguin, 1970.
Emoto, Masaru. Trans. Thayne, David A. The Hidden Messages in Water, Hillsboro, Oregon: Beyond Words Publishing, 2004.129Harlow, H.F. “The Nature Of Love,” American Psychol. 13 (1958).
Holopainen, D. (2002). “The Experience of Seeking Help for Postnatal Depression.” Australian Journal of Advanced Nursing.MSNBC, Lock Up: San Quentin, December 2, 2007.
Meryl Streep. Commencement Address, The University of New Hampshire. Durham, NH, May 24, 2003.
Morris, Desmond. The Naked Ape, New York: McGraw-Hill, 1967.
Rosenbloom, Stephanie, “My Dad, American Inventor,” New York Times, New York, August 16, 2007.
“Heart-Beat Response,” Sack, 1966.
Questions and Answers
I’ve included this question-and-answer section because of the overwhelming number of questions I have had to answer throughout my years of working. A lot of these questions are helpful to parents who need quick answers to their everyday problems. I hope these answers will be comforting to you.
Q. When can I start giving my newborn baths? A. Wait until the umbilical cord falls off, and then
wait perhaps up to a week to make sure the navel is completely drained and closed. You do not want to risk an infection.Two
Q. How long should we continue to sterilize our baby’s bottles?
A. Six months to a year.
Q. I am having problems breastfeeding during the evenings or late afternoons. Why is that?
A. Milk flow deceases throughout the day for most women. In the mornings, your milk volume is higher than at any other time. Drinking plenty of water, having healthy meals, and drinking a beer will help kick things in a little more.
Q. How long should I allow my toddler to use a pacifier? A. Parents can implement a cut-off time, preferably at
bedtime, when they decide not to allow the pacifier anymore. I think you should try to do away with the binky as soon as your baby and you have had enough of it. Good luck!
Q. How long should a baby sleep during the day? A. It depends on the baby’s genes. Some babies will sleep
all day when they’re in a growth spurt, and others will sleep no more than three hours. The key is to direct your little one to take long naps when you would like them to on a daily basis. It’s good to encourage your little one and not force him to sleep if he does not want to. Then he will sleep all night long.
Six Q. What is the best diaper brand today?
A. I like Huggies. They are great, and I find they hold a
Q. What if I prefer to bottle feed instead of breastfeeding? Will my baby be less attached to me?
A. Absolutely not! Your little one will be so delighted to have food in its tummy. Do not worry; there are different ways to bond with a baby. The most effective way to bond is to be with your baby and think about his needs.
Q. Should I use a bassinet or crib for my newborn baby? A. I like the idea of a bassinet when the baby is very
small. You can put your little one in a crib when she gets bigger. A crib is also fine if you do not want both or if you have a limited amount of space.Nine
Q. What if my baby doesn’t want to suck on a pacifier?
How can I convince my baby to enjoy a binky? A. Your baby is not a pacifier baby naturally. Just say
thank goodness. I would not advise you to force your
little one to use it. It’s better to not have to think
about it; you’re better off without it. Just keep him
occupied with other things. Distraction is a cure for
Q. My baby spits up a lot. Is there a way to make things better?
A. One way to make things better is to burp your baby a lot and to sit your baby up after a feeding for fifteen minutes or longer.
Q. How soon can I start playing with my baby in a baby gym?
A. You can start as soon as your baby is alert at some time during the day. It is a great opportunity to have awake time or up time until they become worn out.
Q. What are the best baby bottles for breastfeeding babies?
A. The Avent bottles are good for breastfed babies. Its wide mouth encourages the baby to open up wide to latch on. Also, this brand has a solid nipple that is not too soft, which allows the baby to have a good grip.
Q. What is a good age to start some tummy time with my baby?
A. At two to four weeks old if your baby is doing well. It is important to always watch your baby and to not leave his sight when he is on his tummy. Encourage him to look up and be playful with a rattle. You can place him in a baby gym and have lots of fun. Occasionally give him a break from being on his tummy and roll him onto his back.
Q. How soon can I travel with my baby to another country or state?
A. Your doctor can better advise you on this, but I would wait until the baby receives its first shots.
Q. What detergents should I use to wash my baby’s clothes? Can I take to the dry cleaners some very expensive or delicate clothes?
A. I like to use Ivory Snow or Dreft to wash baby clothes; the Seventh Generation also has a good detergent. It is fine to take your baby’s clothes to the cleaners. Some cleaners use organic products to clean but, always put on an undergarment on your baby when they wear dry cleaned clothes.
Q. How often should I give my baby a bath?
A. You can give your baby a bath twice a week to start
off. Then bathe him every other day once he is three months old to prevent excessive dryness. If your little one is experiencing red cheeks and patches of dry skin patches, decrease the baths to every two days or twice a week. Good luck!Seventeen
Q. What can I take that will help me produce more breast milk?
A. You can have a beer every day because the fermentation helps produce more milk. Also, you can have fenugreek and drink plenty of water because breast milk is mostly water.
Q. I have a three-year-old and a newborn. How can I get the three-year-old to not be jealous of the newborn?
A. Have your three-year-old participate in feedings as well as diaper changes and picture taking. It is imperative that he shares some time together with you so that he does not feel left out.
Q. How soon should I stop breastfeeding and begin weaning the baby off the breast?
A. I leave this up to the parent. Some mothers do three months and others breastfeed for a year. It is good to give yourself a cut-off point. After a while, you will notice your baby will not want to breastfeed. That could be a sign that you should start thinking of weaning.
Q. I feel overwhelmed when I see another baby doing things my baby is not doing. Is this something to look into? My baby is six months old.
A. It depends on how your doctor feels about you little one’s growth. Six months is usually too early to decide if your baby is not developing well. All babies are born with their own timing of growth. Some babies take two years to catch up with their peers. Keep in touch with your pediatrician on any concerns of development.
Q. What is the best baby lotion and wash?
A. I think the best baby lotion and wash are the Cetaphil
products because they are so gentle. But Aveeno also has a great baby body wash and lotion that parents love. I also love it because it gives a high feeling of quality. It is a great brand for the price. Just make sure whatever products you use are hypoallergenic.Twenty-two
Q. How soon can I put my baby in an infant play-sitting chair?
A. It’s good to wait until your baby is one month old, but if your little one is very strong and alert and is considered a tall baby, you can put him in the play chair by three weeks. I like to wait because they are so fragile. Also, the pressure of their weight on their small backs can be a strong discomfort the longer they sit in upright. Look for signs that your baby has had enough of the play chair. They may start to fuss in intervals by this I mean on and off cries or they might frown a lot.
Q. My baby has a rash on his face. Could it be an allergic reaction to something he had or to something I had? He is eight months, and we haven’t changed anything he was eating yet.
A. This is a normal kind of allergic reaction to different foods and hormones. They usually go away by themselves. Just do not wipe excessively. Contact your doctor if the rash gets worse. Sometimes it takes up to three weeks to see an improvement.Twenty-four
Q. When is a good time to start giving my baby a sippy cup?
A. The sooner the better after six months. You can start giving your baby one sippy cup a day, then increase it to two and so forth. You can keep the bottle for bedtime feedings or naptime feedings. If you’re breastfeeding, you can start weaning to one sippy cup a day.
Q. How long should I keep my baby in a playpen? She’s seven months old.
A. No more than fifteen minutes at a time. You want to give your baby freedom but not to limit her capabilities by staying in a playpen for long periods. Babies and toddlers need structure and love, not severe confinement.
Q. At what age can we start propping our baby up to enjoy playing and pull her up to sitting?
A. When your baby reaches the age of six months, it will be a good time to have most of her play on the floor. Sitting up in a frog position is a great start. Make sure you support the baby well with yourself or with pillows. And get busy enjoying the creative times.
Q. What if I do not like breastfeeding but prefer to pump with a breast pump?
A. That is fine. Your baby is getting the best milk whether you pump or bring the baby to your breast to suck. Do not feel forced into bringing the baby to the breast if you’re not comfortable. Many mothers, whether first- or second-time moms, pump and give their babies pumped breast milk. You are a good mother regardless! Pump on!
Q. How soon can a baby go outside on walks? A. They can go outside for daily walks by two weeks old
if the weather permits. Otherwise, wait for one month or so to pass to go out on long walks. It’s good to take short walks and then increase them as your baby gets older.Twenty-nine
Q. What if my loved one doesn’t feel comfortable holding or feeding the baby?
A. It takes some time for some people to feel comfortable with a newborn. Do not be forceful, but interact with the baby around your loved one as much as possible, and soon the fear of being around something so small will decrease. Also, allow your partner to help out in other ways by going to the store to pick up items you need or to simply ask for help instead of arguing.
Q. Dee, you told me to use A and D ointment during the day and switch to Balmex or any ointment that has zinc oxide in it for nights. What is the reason for this?
A. Babies’ skin is very soft and fragile. It will get used to one particular product if you use that product every day for a long time. It’s good to change products sometimes or exchange the times of their use. Diapers also can be exchanged, as well as daily lotions and detergents. Just do not use one particular product for months on end. Change over to other brands when you see some dryness or redness. Good luck!Thirty-one
Q. My baby fusses all the time when exiting the bath. What can I do to make things better?
A. Babies do not like to leave their warm baths because most times, they get chills by being brought back to room temperature. You can heat up the room temperature two to three degrees. Also, you can cover your baby with two blankets as you take him out of the tub. Please have at least another person with you to give the baths until you feel comfortable giving baths by yourself. Enjoy! Splash, splash!Thirty-two
Q. How long should I swaddle my baby? He seems to like it now, but in the beginning, he hated it.
A. It is common for some babies to give a little fight to get into a swaddle, but they learn to love it after some time. I highly recommend full swaddling for no longer then three months, but if your baby was a preemie, you can swaddle for up to four months. After three months or sooner, you can half swaddle your baby until he just doesn’t need it anymore?
Q. My twins are nine months old. How soon should I allow them to begin feeding themselves?
A. Your twins should be trying to feed themselves with a spoon the very first day you begin solids. I expect they were having solids by five to six months old. Allow them to scoop with you and direct their hand with yours. It gets messy, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Q. My twins are one year old and continue to wake each other up in the middle of the night. Is this the best time to separate them?
A. It could be if they are not getting enough sleep, and you feel like a zombie as well. They will still love you, especially for some good sleep.Thirty-five
Q. When is a good time for my baby to start wearing sunscreen?
A. By six months old and no sooner.
Q. When will my little baby begin to see color? A. Babies in general begin to see colors by six to seven
weeks. Some will see sooner and some a week or two later. But they can see you in the first couple of weeks in shadows and in black and white.
Q. One of my twin girls was giving us recognition smiles by seven weeks and her sister just began giving us large recognition smiles at three months; is there something wrong about her development compared
A. Every child is very different. Parents of multiples sometimes believe their children should develop at the same rate, and that is so much not the case. It is a good thing for your baby to smile at you and interact. Do not compare them too much because development is personal and unique to our personalities.
Q. I was told by a friend of mine who is a mother of a two-year-old to never attach a binky (pacifier) to my baby’s clothes. Is she being very bossy or is there any truth in what she is saying? She believed it could choke the baby.
A. There is some truth to this; never attach any strings close to your baby’s neck. Toddlers are quick and it just takes a short period of time for them to entangle themselves in ways you could never imagine. Be careful always!
Q. I heard there are some plants a toddler should stay away from and if digested can cause sickness. Can you give me a list of them?
A. Yes, these plants can cause your little one or toddler to become very ill. Contact your doctor or call 911 if they ingest any of these potentially poisonous plants:
- Daffodil bulbs
- Elephants ears
- Mistletoe berries
- Poinsettia leaves
- Castor-bean seeds
- Holly derris
- Rosary pea seeds
Q. My son began drooling around three months and is now six months old and experiencing severe pain in his gums. Is it better to use a gum numbing ointment or to just give him teething rings?
A. Both will work out fine, but if your baby is so disturbed, contact your pediatrician and ask if you can use some type of pain killer to help ease the pain at night. Also, you can massage his gums with a cool cloth to help the discomfort.
Q. I have decided to stop breastfeeding. What is the best route to achieve this?
A. You can ice your breasts periodically throughout the day and breastfeed or pump less. Cabbage leaves can be worn around the breasts because they can be cool for a long period of time. Supplement one feeding a day with a bottle, then move to two bottles per day after one week, then three bottles and four, then five. Good luck!
Q. My baby has developed cradle scalp, what can I do to make it better?
A. Shampoo and brush your little one’s scalp every day or so. Apply mineral oil or some baby oil at least twice a day to loosen things up and heal scalp dryness. Cradle scalp doesn’t last forever. It will be gone in a blink. Ho baby, let this be gone!!