same degree, although I have, upon several occasions, enjoyed
myself fairly well by their use. Nude women repel me, and I find
no pleasure in seeing a woman in tights. I am not averse to
normal sexual connection and occasionally employ it.
To me,
however, the pleasure is far inferior to that of being trampled
upon. I also derive keen pleasure--and usually have a strong
erection--from seeing a woman, dressed as I have described, tread
upon anything which yields under her foot--such as the seat of a
carriage, the cushions of a punt, a footstool, etc., and I enjoy
seeing her crush flowers by treading upon them. I have often
strolled along in the wake of some handsome lady at a picnic or
garden party, for the pleasure of seeing the grass upon which she
has trodden rise slowly again after her foot has pressed it. I
delight also to see a carriage sway as a woman leaves or enters
it--anything which needs the pressure of the foot.
"To pass now to the origin of this direction of my feelings.
"Even in early childhood I admired pretty feminine foot-gear, and
in the contemplation of it experienced vague sensations which I
now recognize as sexual. When a lad of 14 or so, I stayed a good
deal at the house of some intimate friends of my parents, the
daughter of the house--an only child--a beautiful and powerful
girl, about six years my senior, being my special chum. This girl
was always daintily dressed, and having most lovely feet and
ankles not unnaturally knew it. Whenever possible she dressed so
as to show off their beauty to the best advantage--
rather short
skirts and usually little high-heeled slippers--and was not
averse to showing them in a most distractingly coquettish manner.
She seemed to have a passion for treading upon things which would
scrunch or yield under her foot, such as flowers, little
windfallen apples and pears, acorns, etc., or heaps of hay, straw
or cut grass. As we wandered about the gardens--for we were left
to do exactly as we liked--I got quite accustomed to seeing her
hunt out and tread upon such things, and used to chaff her about
it. At that time I was--as I am still--fond of lying at full
length on a thick hearthrug before a good fire. One evening as I
was lying in this way and we were alone, A. crossed the room to
reach a bangle from the mantelpiece. Instead of reaching over me,
she playfully stepped upon my body, saying that she would show me
how the hay and straw felt. Naturally I fell in with the joke and
laughed. After standing upon me a few moments she raised her
skirt slightly and, holding on to the mantelpiece for support,
stretched out one dainty foot in its brown silk stocking and
high-heeled slipper to the blaze to warm, while looking down and
laughing at my scarlet, excited face. She was a perfectly frank
and charming girl, and I feel pretty certain that, although she
evidently enjoyed my excitement and the feeling of my body
yielding under her feet, she did not on this first occasion
clearly understand my condition; nor can I remember that, though
the desire for sexual gratification drove me nearly mad, it
appeared to awaken in her any reciprocal feeling. I took hold of
her raised foot and, after kissing it, guided it by an absolutely
irresistible impulse on to my penis, which was as hard as wood
and seemed almost bursting. Almost at the moment that her weight
was thrown upon it, orgasm took place for the first time in my
life thoroughly and effectively. No description can give any idea
of what I felt--I only know that from that moment my distorted
sexual focus was fixed forever. Numberless times, after that
evening, I felt the weight of her dainty slippers, and nothing
will ever cause the memory of the pleasure she thus gave me to
fade. I know that A. came to enjoy treading upon me, as much as I
enjoyed having her do it. She had a liberal dress allowance and,
seeing the pleasure they gave me, she was always buying pretty
stockings and ravishing slippers with the highest and most
slender Louis heels she could find and would show them to me with
the greatest glee, urging me to lie down that she might try them
on me. She confessed that she loved to see and feel them sink
into my body as she trod upon me and enjoyed the crunch of the
muscles under her heel as she moved about. After some minutes of
this, I always guided her slipper on to my penis, and she would
tread carefully, but with her whole weight--probably about 9
stone--and watch me with flashing eyes, flushed cheeks, and
quivering lips, as she felt--as she must have done plainly--the
throbbing and swelling of my penis under her foot as emission
took place. I have not the smallest doubt that orgasm took place
simultaneously with her, though we never at any time spoke openly
of it. This went on for several years on almost every favorable
opportunity we had, and after a month or two of separation
sometimes four or five times during a single day.
Several times
during A.'s absence I masturbated by getting her slipper and
pressing it with all my strength against the penis while
imagining that she was treading upon me. The pleasure was, of
course, very inferior to her attentions. There was never at any
time between us any question of normal sexual intercourse, and we
were both well content to let things drift as they were.
"A little after 20 I went abroad, and on my return about three
years later I found her married. Although we met often, the
subject was never alluded to, though we remained firm friends. I
confess I often, when I could do so without being seen, looked
longingly at her feet and would have gladly accepted the pleasure
she could have given me by an occasional resumption of our
strange practice--but it never came.
"I went abroad again, and now neither she nor her husband are
alive and leave no issue. From time to time I have had occasional
relations with prostitutes, but always in this manner, though I
much prefer to find some lady of or above my own social position
who will do the treading for me. This is, however, interestingly
difficult.
"Out of say a hundred women (which at home and abroad is what I
should estimate must have stood upon my body) I should say quite
80 or 85 were _not_ prostitutes. Certainly not more than 10 to 12
shared any _sexual_ excitement, but while they were evidently
excited they were not gratified. A. alone, so far as I know, had
complete sexual satisfaction of it. I have never asked a woman in
so many words to tread upon me for the purpose of gratifying my
sexual desires (prostitutes excepted), but have always tempted
them to do it in a jocular or teasing manner, and it is very
doubtful if more than a few (married) women really understood,
even after they had given me the extreme pleasure, that they had
done so, because any flushing and movement on my part under their
feet was not unnaturally put down to the trampling to which they
were subjecting me, and it was easy for me to guide the foot as
often as was necessary on to the penis till orgasm took place,
and even to keep it there by laying hold of the other one to kiss
it or on some other pretext during emission. Of course many
understood after once doing it (most have done it only once) what
I was at, and, although they did not ever discuss it nor did I,
they were not unwilling to give me as many treadings as I cared
to playfully suggest. I don't think they got any pleasure
sexually out of it themselves, though they could see plainly that
I did, and they did not object to give it me. I have spent as
long as twelve months with some women working gradually nearer
and nearer to my desire--often getting what I want in the end,
but more often failing. I _never_ risk it till I am certain it
would be safe to ask it, and have never had a serious rebuff. In
very many cases I should say the doing of what I want has simply
been regarded by the woman as gratifying a silly and perhaps
amusing whim, in which, beyond the novelty of treading on a man's
body, she has taken but little interest.
"As in normal seduction, the endeavor to win the woman over to do
what I want without arousing her antagonism is a great part of
the charm to me, and naturally the better her social position the
more difficult this becomes--and the more attractive. I have
found that in three instances prostitutes have performed the same
office for other men and knew all about it. It is not
uninteresting to note that these three women were all of fine,
massive build--one standing about 5 feet 10 inches and weighing
nearly 14 stone--but with comparatively uninteresting faces. The
weight, build and clothing count for a good deal in exciting me.
I find that a sudden check to a man at the supreme moment of
sexual pleasure tends to heighten and prolong the pleasure. My
physical satisfaction is due to the fact that by getting the lady
to stand with all her weight upon my penis (as it lies between
her foot and the soft bed of my own body into which it is deeply
pressed) the act of emission is enormously prolonged, with
corresponding enjoyment. For this reason also I prefer a very
high-heeled slipper. The seminal fluid has to be forced past two
separate obstacles--the pressure of the heel close at the root of
the penis and afterwards the ball of the foot which compresses
the outer half, leaving a free portion between them under the
arched sole of the slipper. I may add that the pleasure is
greatly increased by the retention of the urine, and I always try
to retain as much water as I dare. I have an unconquerable
aversion to red in slippers or stockings; it will even cause
impotence. Why, I know not. Strange as it may seem, although pain
and bruising are often inflicted by a severe treading, I have
never been in any way injured by the practice, and my pleasure in
it seems not to diminish by constant repetition. The comparative
difficulty of obtaining the pleasure from just the woman I want
has a never-ending, if inexplicable, charm for me."
It will be observed that in this case special importance is
attached to shoes with high heels, and the subject considers that
the pressure of such shoes is for mechanical reasons most
favorable for procuring ejaculation. Nearly all heterosexual
shoe-fetichists seem, however, to be equally attracted by high
heels. Restif de la Bretonne frequently referred to this point,
and he gave a number of reasons for the attractiveness of high
heels: (1) They are unlike men's boots and, therefore, have a
sexual fascination; (2) they make the leg and foot look more
charming; (3) they give a less bold and more sylph-like character
to the walk; (4) they keep the feet clean. (Restif de la
Bretonne, _Nuits de Paris_, vol. v, quoted in Preface to his _Mes
Inscriptions_, p. ciii.) It is doubtless the first reason--the
fact that high heels are a kind of secondary sexual character--which is most generally potent in this attraction.
The foregoing history, while it very distinctly brings before us a case of
erotic symbolism, is not strictly an example of shoe-fetichism. The
symbolism is more complex. The focus of beauty in a desirable woman is
transferred and concentrated in the region below the knee; in that sense
we have foot-fetichism. But the act of coitus itself is also symbolically
transferred. Not only has the foot become the symbol of the vulva, but
trampling has become the symbol of coitus; intercourse takes place
symbolically _per pedem_. It is a result of this symbolization of the foot
and of trampling that all acts of treading take on a new and symbolical
sexual charm. The element of masochism--of pleasure in being a woman's
slave--is a parasitic growth; that is to say, it is not founded in the
subject's constitution, but chances to have found a favorable soil in the
special circumstances under which his sexual life developed. It is not
primary, but secondary, and remains an unimportant and merely occasional
element.
It may be instructive to bring forward for comparison a case in which also
we have a symbolism involving boot-fetichism, but extending beyond it. In
this case there is a basis of inversion (as is not infrequent in erotic
symbolisms), but from the present point of view the psychological
significance of the case remains the same.
A.N., aged 29, unmarried, healthy, though not robust, and without
any known hereditary taint. Has followed various avocations
without taking great interest in them, but has shown some
literary ability.
"I am an Englishman," his own narrative runs, "the third of three
children. At my birth my father was 41 and my mother 34. My
mother died of cancer when I was 15. My father is still alive, a
reserved man, who still nurses his sorrow for his wife's death. I
have no reason to believe my parents anything but normal and
useful members of society. My sister is normal and happily
married. My brother I have reason to believe to be an invert.
"A horoscope cast for me describes me in a way I think correct,
and so do my friends: 'A mild, obliging, gentle, amiable person,
with many fine traits of character; timid in nature, fond of
society, loving peace and quietude, delighting in warm and close
friendships. There is much that is firm, steadfast and
industrious, some self-love, a good deal of diplomacy, a little
that is subtle, or what is called finesse. You are reserved with
those you dislike. There is a serious and sad side to your
character; you are very thoughtful and contemplative when in
these moods. But you are not pessimistic. You have superior
abilities, for they are intuitively intellectual.
There is a cold
reticence which restrains generous impulses and which inclines to
acquisitiveness; it will make you deliberate, inventive, adding
self-esteem, some vanity.'
"At an early age I was left much alone in the nursery and there
contracted the habit of masturbation long before the age of
puberty. I use the word 'masturbation' for want of a better,
though it may not quite describe my case. I have never used my
hand to the penis. As far back as I can remember I have had what
a Frenchman has described as 'le fetichisme de la chaussure,' and
in those early days, before I was 6 years old, I would put on my
father's boots, taken from a cupboard at hand, and then tying or
strapping my legs together would produce an erection, and all the
pleasurable feelings experienced, I suppose, by means of
masturbation. I always did this secretly, but couldn't tell why.
I continued this practice on and off all my boyhood and youth.
When I discovered the first emission I was much surprised. I
always did this thing without loosening my trousers.
As to how
these feelings arose I am totally unable to say. I can't remember
being without such feelings, and they seem to me perfectly
normal. The sight, or even thought, of high boots, or leggings,
especially if well polished or in patent leather, would set all
my sexual passions aflame, and does yet. As a boy my great desire
was to wear these things. A soldier in boots and spurs, a groom
in tops, or even an errand-boy in patent leather leggings,
fascinated me, and to this day, despite reason and everything
else. The sight of such things produced an erection.
An emission
I could always produce by tightly tying my legs together, but
only when wearing boots, and preferably leggings, which when I
had pocket money I bought for this purpose. (At the present
moment I have five pairs in the house and two pairs of high
boots, quite unjustified by ordinary use.) This habit I lapse
into yet at times. The smell of leather affects me, but I never
know how far this may be due to association with boots; the smell
suggests the image. Restraint by a leather strap is more exciting
than by cords. Erotic dreams always take the form of restraint on
the limbs when booted.
"Uniforms and liveries have a great temptation for me, but only
when of a tight-fitting nature and smart, as soldiers', grooms',
etc., but not sailors'; most powerfully when the person is in
boots or leggings and breeches.
"I was a quiet, sensitive boy, taking no part in games or sports.
Have always been indifferent to them. I made few friends, but
didn't want them. The craving for friendship came much later,
after I was 21. I was a day boy at a private school, and never
had any conversation with any boy on sexual matters, though I was
dimly aware of much 'nastiness' about the school. I knew nothing
of sodomy. But all these things were repulsive to me,
notwithstanding my secret practices. I was a 'good boy.'
"Up to the age of 21 I was perfectly satisfied with my own
society, something of a prig, fond of books and reading, etc. I
was and ever have been absolutely insensible to the influence of
the other sex. I am not a woman hater, and take intellectual
pleasure in the society of certain ladies, but they are nearly
all much older than myself. I have a strong repulsion from sexual
relations with women. I should not mind being married for the
sake of companionship and for the sake of having boys of my own.
But the sexual act would frighten me. I could not in my present
frame of mind go to bed with a woman. Yet I feel an immense envy
of my married friends in that they are able to give out, and find
satisfaction for, their affection in a way that is quite
impossible for me. I picture certain boys in the place of the
wife.
"I am now only happy in the society of men younger than myself,
age 17 to (say) 23 or 24, youths with smooth faces, or first sign
of hair on lip, well groomed, slightly effeminate in feature, of
sympathetic, perhaps weak nature. I feel I want to help them, do
something for them, devote myself entirely to their welfare.
"With such there is no fixed line between friendship and love. I
yearn for intimacy with particular friends, but never dare
express it. I find so many people object to any strong expression
of feeling that I dare not run the risk of appearing ridiculous
in the eyes of these desired intimates.
"I have no desire for _pædicatio_, but the idea itself does not
repulse me or seem unnatural, though personally it repels me a
little. But I think this to be mere prejudice on my part, which
might be broken down if the loved person showed a willingness to
act a passive part. I should never dare to make an advance,
however.
"I am restrained by moral and religious considerations from
making my real feelings known, and I feel I should sink in my own
estimation if I gave way, though my natural desire is to do so.
In the face of opportunities (not I mean of _pædicatio_, but of
expression of excessive affection, etc.), or what might be such,
I always fail to speak lest I should forfeit the esteem of the
other person. I have a feeling of surprise when any one I like
evinces a liking for me. I feel that those I love are
immeasurably my superiors, though my reason may tell me it is not
so. I would grovel at their feet, do anything to win a smile from
them, or to make them give me their company.
"Ordinary bodily contact with the boy I love gives me most
exquisite pleasure, and I never lose an opportunity of bringing
such contact about when it can be done naturally. I feel an
immense desire to embrace, kiss, squeeze, etc., the person, to
generally maul him, and say nice things--the kind of things a man
usually says to a woman. A handshake, the mere presence of the
person, makes me happy and content.
"I can say with the Albanian: 'If I find myself in the presence
of the beloved, I rest absorbed in gazing on him.
Absent, I think
of nought but him. If the beloved unexpectedly appears I fall
into confusion. My heart beats faster. I have eyes and ears only
for the beloved.'
"I feel that my capacity of affection is finer and more spiritual
than that which commonly subsists between persons of different
sexes. And so, while trying to fight my instincts by religion, I
find my natural feeling to be part of my religion, and its
highest expression. In this sense I can speak from experience in
my own case, and more especially in that of my brother, that what
you have said about philanthropic activity resulting from
repressed homosexuality is very true indeed. I can say with one
of your female cases: 'Love is to me a religion. The very nature
of my affection for my friends precludes the possibility of any
element entering into it which is not absolutely pure and
sacred.' I am, however, madly jealous. I want entire possession,
and I can't bear for a moment that any one I do not care for
should know the person I love.
"I am never attracted by men older than myself. The youths who
attract me may be of any class, though preferably, I think, of a
class a little lower than myself. I am not quite sure of this,
however, as circumstances may have contributed more than
deliberate choice to bring certain youths under my notice. Those
who have exercised the most powerful influence on me have been an
Oxford undergraduate, a barber's assistant, and a plumber's
apprentice. Though naturally fond of intellectual society, I do
not ask for intellect in those I love. It goes for nothing. I
always prefer their company to that of the most educated persons.
This preference has alienated me to some extent from more refined
and educated circles that formerly I was intimate with.
"I have been led entirely out of my old habits by association
with younger friends, and now do things which before I should
never have dreamed of doing. My thoughts now are always with
certain youths, and if they speak of leaving the town, or in any
way talk of a future that I cannot share, I suffer horrid
sinkings of the heart and depression of spirits."
This case, while it concerns a person of quite different temperament, with
a more innate predisposition to specific perversions, is yet in many
respects analogous to the previous case. There is boot-fetichism; nothing
is felt to be so attractive as the foot-gear, and there is also at the
same time more than this; there is the attraction of repression and
constraint developed into a sexual symbol. In C.P.'s case that symbolism
arises from the experience of an abnormal heterosexual relationship; in
A.N.'s case it is founded on auto-erotic experiences associated with
inversion; in both alike the entire symbolism has become diffused and
generalized.
In the two cases just brought forward we have an erotic symbolism of act
founded on, and closely associated with, an erotic symbolism of object. It
may be instructive to bring forward another case in which no fetichistic
feeling toward an object can be traced, but an erotic symbolism still
clearly exists. In this case pain, even when self-inflicted, has acquire