Personal Coaching Techniques by Dean Amory - HTML preview

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Develop as a learning organization.

Take ownership of their visions for poverty reduction, if the

evaluation vision is aligned with that.

Profit more effectively from formal evaluations.

Make self-evaluations an important part of their activities.

Focus quality improvement efforts.

Increase the benefits and decrease the costs associated with their

operations.

Augment their ability to change programming midstream and

adapt in a dynamic, unpredictable environment.

Build evaluation equity, if they are then better able to conduct

more of their own self-evaluation, instead of hiring them out.

Shorten the learning cycle.

Figure 2 poses key questions concerning how an organization may

learn from evaluation, combining the two elements of learning by

involvement and learning by communication. It provides the context

within which to visualize continuing efforts to increase value added

from independent evaluation, and underscores the role in internal

evaluation capacity development. It also makes a strong case for more

research into how development agencies learn how to learn

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The Reframing Matrix

A Reframing Matrix is a simple technique that helps you to look at

problems from a number of different viewpoints. It expands the range

of creative solutions that you can generate.

The approach relies on the fact that different people with different

experience approach problems in different ways. What this technique

helps you to do is to put yourself into the minds of different people and

imagine the solutions they would come up with.

We do this by putting the question to be asked in the middle of a grid.

We use boxes around the grid for the different perspectives. This is just

an easy way of laying the problem out - if it does not suit you, change it.

We will look at two different approaches to the reframing matrix. You

could, however, use this approach in many different ways.

The 4 Ps Approach

This relies on looking at a problem from different perspectives within a

business. The 4 Ps approach looks at problems from the following

viewpoints:

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1. Product perspective: is there something wrong with the product?

2. Planning perspective: are our business or marketing plans at fault?

3. Potential perspective: if we were to seriously increase our targets,

how would we achieve these increases?

4. People perspective: why do people choose one product over another?

The 'Professions Approach'

Another approach to using a reframing matrix is to look at the problem

from the viewpoints of different specialists. The way, for example, that

a doctor looks at a problem would be different from the approach a civil

engineer would use. This would be different from a sales manager's

perspective.

Here is an example of both approaches:

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Sources:

Asian

Development

Bank-

Metro

Manila,

Philippines

-

knowledge@adb.org

-

www.adb.org/knowledgesolutions

Olivier Serrat, Head of the Knowledge Management Center, Asian

Development Bank (oserrat@adb.org).

http://www.ashgate.com/pdf/SamplePages/reframing.pdf

http://www.youmeworks.com/behold-the-power-of-reframing.html

http://finntrack.co.uk/leadership/reframing.htm

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3.7 REALITY CHECK

When people come for personal life coaching, they usually feel stuck.

They desperately want to change something, but they report they don’t

know how to make their lives different. As they discuss the scenario, I

typically note a common denominator that keeps them stuck in their

unpleasant situation.

Most people who want to change are caught up in a state of “denial”. As

you read this, you might be saying to yourself that you don’t fall into

that state because you clearly know what is wrong in your life and what

you want to change. I assure you, denial is almost always part of the

problem.

The classic example of denial is the coachee who lives with an alcoholic

and does not see the behavior as being as serious as it is. She might say,

“He wasn’t as drunk as last weekend” or “Well, at least he didn’t drive”

or “He couldn’t have been that intoxicated because he was able to go to

work”.

When a coachee comes in and wants to start a new business they

typically have not researched the amount of hours they will need to

devote to changing their life so dramatically. They have not created the

financial support to sustain them during this transition. They are in

denial about the realities of this change. They want the outcome, but

they haven’t created the infrastructure to support the change.

My work with coachees who are stuck usually involves moving them

out of the state of denial by doing what I call a “reality check”. This is

done in two steps. The first step is after the coachee makes a statement,

I hit them with a dose of reality.

COACHEE: I want to lose ten pounds.

ME: What have you done to support the change?

COACHEE: I am doing a lot of thinking about it.

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ME: (reality check) I haven’t heard you talk about the behaviors that

support the change.

The coachee is well-meaning, but they continue to avoid looking at the

real picture. They stay in that state of denial, pretending they know

what they need to do to improve their lives, when in essence their

situation continues to have major problems because they don’t have a

specific action plan that they are implementing or because they aren’t

seeing the situation for what it is.

I believe you will get healthier faster if you move out of the state of

denial and see the total picture. When a coachee says to me, “I have

been working on my spending” I do a reality check… “How much less

are you spending?” They typically answer, “Well, I don’t know the exact

numbers.” By not knowing the exact numbers they don’t have to change

their behavior drastically.

It’s a very scary thing to alter your life to support the goals you really

want. It takes a lot of courage and self-determination to stop enabling

others or yourself. It almost always means that you will have to let go of

some familiar behavior that has not been working for you. If you want

to save money, you can’t buy that new dress or that new technological

toy. If you want to lose weight, you won’t be able to have that second

helping. If you want to be less affected by your spouse, you will need to

walk away from them temporarily and create your own life.

Are you in denial about something important? To live the life you were

meant to live, you must give 100% to it.

Source:

http://www.carolthecoach.com/articles/relationships/realitycheck.ht

m

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3.8. SCALING

3.8.1 SCALING OF PROBLEMS

Think about something you want to achieve, or even some (minor)

problem that you are currently facing. How would you rate where you

are in relation to this issue on a scale of 0-10 - where 0 is the worst it's

ever been, and 10 is how it's going to be when it's exactly how you want

it?

This seemingly simple question does a number of useful things and

opens the door to even more. Let's have a look in more detail at how it

works:

 Unless the rating is zero, it helps you realise that not everything is

bad in the current situation. When we focus on solving a problem,

that tends to expand to fill our awareness until all we see is the

problem. Rating the problem on a scale helps us to realise that some

things are already working, and some components of the solution

are already happening.

 Having a scale implies that it's possible to move. If we view the

current situation as 'the problem', and contrast that with our ideal

solution, it can seem like there's no bridge between the two -

particularly if we are prone to black and white, either/or thinking.

The scale builds a bridge between 'problem' and solution - and

obviously implies that we can move along it to get closer to the

solution.

 Do you ever give yourself a hard time about not achieving enough?

As you know, that will most likely demotivate you. Instead, you can

use scaling to remind you of what you have already achieved with

this supplementary question:

(given that you are at n on the scale now) How have you got there from

n-1?

Or: How do you stop yourself sliding back to n-1?

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Notice how these questions acknowledge and validate what you have

already been doing to make the solution happen, and provide

behavioural reinforcement to your unconscious mind, encouraging it to

do more in that direction.

 You can use scaling to begin to move towards your ideal solution,

like this:

(given that you are at n on the scale now) What will be different when

you are at n+1?

Notice that the question is not asking 'How are you going to get there?' -

just 'What will be different?'. This begins to build an image in your mind

of how things will be when they are just a bit closer to how you want

them, and what you will be doing differently - a form of mental

rehearsal which makes it more likely that you will take action.

Of course, if you are using scaling to coach someone else, you can

equally well use these questions to assist them in moving towards their

solution. You can also ask, for any action that they tell you they are

going to take: 'On a scale of 0-10, how committed are you?' For

anything they expect to happen: 'On a scale of 0-10, how confident are

you that this will happen?'

Normally I give sources for any research that I quote. Here's an

additional snippet I recall reading somewhere, but the source escapes

me - so it's up to you if you believe it or not: when we assign a

numerical rating to a problem, this engages the left hemisphere of the

brain, which is associated with more positive emotions. So just by

scaling a problem, we may start to feel better about it. If anyone is

aware of the research which backs this up, do let me know!

Sources: http://www.coachingleaders.co.uk/blog/nlpeq-tip-

solution-focus-2-scaling.html (Andy Smith)

The Solutions Focus: Making Coaching and Change SIMPLE - by Paul Z

Jackson and Mark McKergow

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3.8.2. Scaling Techniques For Assessing Progress

Using scaling techniques in coaching can be a really useful way of

helping a coachee assess their progress or their state of satisfaction in

relation to their desired outcomes, or clarify their commitment to a way

forward.

For example (in the simplest form):

On a scale of 1 -10…

…to what extent have you made progress towards this goal?

…how content are you in this area?

…how committed are you to taking this action.

This then allows the coachee to assess their position and gives a

foundation on which to move forward.

The use of scaling techniques in coaching forms part of the ‘Solutions

focus’ approach (see further reading) and there are numerous

techniques you can employ to use scaling effectively. (There are even

whole day courses you can spend to improve your skills in this area!)

Assessing progress

One powerful benefit of scaling is to help your coachee to asess their

position in relation to their ideal outcome (their 10/10). So, when you

ask a scaling question remember to give a brief description of what

their 10/10 might be and a brief description of their 1/10, ensuring

that what you describe for the latter is well below what you know their

position is:

e.g. ‘On a scale of 1 – 10 where 10/10 is your perfect scenario where

you are totally organised, you know what you have to do and you

achieve everything you want to achieve in a day and more, and as a

result you feel great… and 1/1 is where you are so disorganised that

you achieve absolutely nothing in a day, you don’t know what you want

to achieve and you don’t even know how to start being

organised….where are you on this scale?’

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In this scenario your coachee will most likely to be able to identify some

midpoint between the two extremes on which you can then build with a

further question such as:

‘so what do you know you are doing well which is giving you the score

of 4?’ which then leads to further positive exploration.

Remember, always use 1 rather than zero as your lower end of the scale

as zero cannot be built upon should your coachee choose the lowest

extreme.

Once you have established your coachee’s current position you can then

ask questions to help move them forward:

e.g. so, if you are now at a 6 what things can you now do to move

yourself to a 7?’

Assessing commitment

Using scaling techniques in coaching is also a great way to assess your

coachee’s commitment to an action. Simply asking ‘are you committed’

is a closed question and will more likely prompt a ‘yes’ rather than a

‘no’ whatever their commitment is, whilst asking ‘how committed are

you’ might elicit a vague ‘very committed’ response which could mean

many things. By asking a scaling question you are helping your coachee

put some measure on it which you can then explore further and prompt

you to ask ‘so what would bring your commitment to a 10/10?’

From experience coachees with a commitment of less than 8/10 usually

require further exploration to establish underlying issues affecting

their motivation and to establish what action they will be more

committed to.

Source: http://www.personal-coaching-information.com/scaling-

techniques-in-coaching.html

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3.9 EXTERNALISING OF PROBLEMS

Externalising language is used in coaching to separate the problem

from the person. For example, a person may say “I am a sad person”.

This implies that the person has a sad quality or characteristic of

sadness rather than it just being something that affects the person from

time to time.

Coaches working from a narrative perspective are attuned to the

language they use to represent an issue or problem in their coachees’

lives. They assume that the issue or problem is “having an effect on the

person” rather than the issue or problem being an intrinsic part of who

the person is.

Rather than saying “you are lacking in motivation”, a coach working

from a narrative perspective may ask “when did motivation leave you?”

OR rather than say, “you are stressed” the coach may enquire, “when

did stress get a hold of you?”

Source: www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au

Consider the difference between saying ‘I’m a perfectionist’ as

opposed to saying ‘Perfectionism is giving me a hard time today.’ In the

latter case, you are, in language at least, separating you – the person –

from the problem. The separation opens up different ways of talking

about the problem and helps bring to the surface different options for

responding to it.

Of course, you can think of impediments to productivity as a

manifestation of your basic essence, your basic nature. The

impediments may be your intrinsic laziness, slow-wittedness, or

clumsiness showing through. On the other hand, you can externalise

these impediments, think of them as objects or agents that are distinct

from you and with which you have a (sometimes troubled) relationship.

When problems are externalised, it’s much more natural to think of

them as coming and going, sometimes being strong, sometimes weak. It

is much more natural to ask when they arrived on the scene, to ask

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whether they might leave, and to ask whether and how you might

change your relationship with them.

Naming problems

If something is holding you back, you can seek to find a name or

other means of referring to the problem, a means that makes it separate

from you. Sometimes just putting a ‘the’ in front of it will work, e.g.

‘The Perfectionism’ or ‘The Block’. There are no right answers here.

The point of the technique is to find a name that means something to

you. And if your first couple of tries for a name don’t feel right, you

can always try others.

Names people have shared with me for problems that have interfered

with achieving their goals in a sustainable way include: ‘The Critic’,

‘Perfecto Man’, ‘The Pressure Cooker’, ‘The Boulder’ and so on. Having a

name for your particular problem, one that means something to you,

helps create the separation between you and the problem. For some

people, the business of naming a problem can seem daft. And for very

many people naming a problem can be both fun and a helpful first step

in loosening its grip.

Finding out more about a problem

Once you have a name for your problem – and even if you do not –

you can find out more about it. How does it like to operate? When is

it most active? Does it have a gender? Does it have a colour and a

shape?

When is the problem in charge and when are you in charge? What

aspirations does the problem have for you in the short and in the long

term? What do you like about it and what do you dislike?

What positive intentions does the problem have (even if, overall, it does

not play a positive role for you)? What consequences does the

problem tend to bring about?

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Exceptions and unique outcomes

Problems and the problem-talk that they promote, often like to

generalise recklessly. They are very fond of words such as ‘always’,

‘never’, ‘not once’, ‘every time’ and so on, e.g. ‘Every time I start to write

I get blocked. I will never finish this report.‘ If this is your experience,

it’s worth gently probing your history to see whether such statements

really stand up to scrutiny.

You might, for example, get curious as to whether there are any

occasions where the problem has not got its way. What was different on

such an occasion? Can you find a common thread that links together a

series of occasions where the problem did not interfere in a way that

you would rather it had not?

This line of inquiry is not about denying the power of the problem. It’s

not about pretending that it is not an issue. Rather, it’s about opening

up some space for another story thread. If, as can sometimes happen,

the dominant story thread is one of being stuck – ‘I have terminal

writer’s block, I’ll never get finished‘ – then this can sometimes drive

out exceptions. Learning more about the exceptions, especially if you

get stuck a lot, can be a route to renegotiating your relationship with

a problem.

At the same time, adopting different and richer ways of describing your

relationship to a problem, can help prepare the path for changing the

manner of that relationship, e.g. ‘On Tuesday morning, The Block

started to work on me just as I was making coffee and didn’t let go for

the rest of the day. But on Friday, after lunch with Emily, The Block was

just absent. I didn’t even think about its presence or absence until now.’

You are not the problem, the problem is the problem

Externalising emphasises that you are not the problem. Rather, the

problem is the problem. Getting some distance from the problem can

help you see your abilities and competencies, can help you see the

differences between what you want for yourself and what the problem

wants for you. Having this space can often help you renegotiate terms

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with the problem or, in some cases, break off relations with the

problem altogether.

Externalising has it origins as a subtle technique that is used by

narrative therapists. For the best DIY results, read up more about it and

work with another person who has also read up. If what you try works,

keep on with it. If it doesn’t, stop and try something else.

Origins and understandings

Narrative therapy, and the technique of externalising, was developed

by Michael White and David Epston.

Generalising recklessly is a topic addressed within Transactional

Analysis therapy in relation to the concepts of ‘discounting’ and

‘grandiosity’.

References

 What is Narrative Therapy?: An Introduction. Extracts of the book

are available at www.dulwichcentre.com.au site,

o What is Narrative Therapy?: An Easy to Read Introduction

 Brief Counselling: Narratives and Solutions. The authors’ have a

great slogan – ‘if it works do more of it, if it doesn’t do something

different’ .

o Brief Counselling: Narratives and Solutions

Source: http://obliquely.org.uk/blog/externalising/ (Matthew Elton)

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3.10 CREATING RAPPORT

A coach gives his coachee his full attention. By doing so, you make it

easier for the coachee to tell his story and enables him to look at he

could handle his problem better or even solve it. Giving attention you

also do by listening actively, by being genuine and by showing respect,

in other words by totally being there for the coachee.

As coach you tune into your coachee. You tune into his use of language,

words, intonation, attitude, movements and emotions. Do this

unobtrusively. If you tune into your coachee, it will become easier for

you to imagine what it would be like being him and having his problem.

Your coachee will also feel more at ease with you. This can be called

mirroring.

Coaching is a very special learning and development relationship.

Rapport is one of the active ingredients of coaching that makes it work.

More rapport between the coach