Personal Coaching Techniques by Dean Amory - HTML preview
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This is the second in a series of three books about
Part 1, “Personal Coaching” is about what Personal
Coaching is and offers a surview of the most popular
models for Personal Coaching (or “Life Coaching”) and
Part 2, “Techniques for Personal Coaching and Self
Coaching” introduces you to the most powerful coaching
techniques in use and describes the most successful
questions and strategies for coaching.
Part 3, “Essential Knowledge for Personal Coaches”, is a
practical standard reference work highlighting the
knowledge and skills that are indispensable for anybody
who is considering life coaching as a career or as a
serious self coaching process,
Dean Amory's Complete Life Coaching and Personal
Coaching Course is your best guide for coaching your
coachees and yourself towards maximizing your life
potential and achieving a happier and more fulfilled life.
Personal Coaching is an invaluable training manual for
anybody who takes life coaching seriously.
3.1 ACTIVE LISTENING
Listening is an art. A lot of people stop talking and in their
mind they're already trying to think of what they're going to
say next. That is not really listening. If you are (pre)occupied
with your own thoughts, then there is no room for the
coachee anymore. Not really.
And even if you are listening and not busy with your own
thoughts on the matter, listening is so much more than just
hearing the words and being able to repeat them. To get the
essence of what's being said -the words behind the words, is
just as important, if not more so. While the coachee is telling
his story, try to also listen for things like a slip of the tongue,
jokes, omissions, recurring themes, metaphors and
contradictions. They can speak volumes.
Apart from the intonations you can pick out the different
emotions in the coachee's voice. Body language and other
signals can strengthen or weaken the story. Contradictions
are called incongruence and the coach can either keep these
in mind or ask about them. Make sure you do this carefully,
so the coachee won't feel caught out.
In active listening, the coach has an open and alert attitude,
he's completely there for the coachee and is peeling his ears,
so to speak.
To listen empathically means the coach shows a lot of
understanding for what the coachee is experiencing and in a
way he manages to convey this warm understanding to the
coachee, who can appreciate it.
Before asking questions, we must learn to listen attentively
and effectively. Active listening includes a number of
techniques: encouraging, paraphrasing, reflecting feelings,
and summarizing. But also other techniques are important.
Body language is important. Excessive eye-contact may be
felt as threatening. Not maintaining enough eye-contact on
the other hand might be interpreted as a lack of interest (e.g.
when listener is repeatedly looking at their watch or
documents on their desk!), or as an indication that the
listener is hiding information or is not sufficiently open or
honest. Body language includes (affirmative) head nodding
and the use of silence, which are powerful tools in any
Gerard Egan describes the correct position for listening as
SOLER S : Sit squarely, face coachee
O: keep an Open posture
L: Lean forward when appropriate
E: maintain regular Eye contact (don’t stare)
R: Relaxed body language
Show coachees that you are interested in the situations,
experiences and feelings that they are communicating and
that you care not only about what they are saying, but also
about how this affects them.
Humming, and short expressions like “Yes”, ”I see" … are
used to confirm coachee that you are listening to him keenly.
These expressions also help them to understand which part
of their message is being appreciated and to elaborate on
that particular topic.
Asking questions is another way of showing your interest
and making coachees feel understood, valued, respected and
In its purest form, life coaching is a technique that uses
powerful questions to facilitate you in finding your own
answers. (Life-coaching for dummies – Jeni Mumford)
Clarifying and reflective questions often are a very good
Examples of clarifying questions:
Tell me more about …
Go on …
I am interested to hear more about …
What did you do then?
You say …, why is this so ?
Is this always the case?
1. Restate what you heard the trainee say
2. Listen for confirmation that what you are saying is correct
3. Encourage trainees to tell you if you are right or wrong
Examples of reflective questions:
How was this different from …?
What would it look like if …?
What would happen if …?
What do you wish …?
What did you want him to do instead?
How would this impact / change … ?
Often enough, it is also very useful to repeat in some way
what they have said.
This forces coachees to concentrate on what you are saying,
thus helping them to take some distance from their own
story and obtain an improved general view of the whole
situation. By repeating coachees’ messages, you also
stimulate their thought process, without introducing new
Different options to repeat a message are available:
1. Parroting : literally echo their exact words. Often, only
the last words are repeated (mirror-questions) in an
invitation to amplify on them. The use of parroting
should however be limited, since hearing your own
words echoed repeatedly soon becomes very annoying.
2. Repeating Content: This technique goes beyond
parroting: The coachee’s exact words are repeated,
inviting them to elaborate on their story or to continue
3. Repeating Conflict: Repeat both sides of a conflict
situation, opposing pros and cons stimulate coachee to
make a considered choice.
4. Paraphrasing or Reflecting Meaning: Repeating
coachee’s message in your own words, that is: reflecting
the facts or ideas, but not the emotions and without
getting emotionally involved, may open new
Often an element of acknowledgement or positive feedback
will be part of the paraphrasing, thus motivating the coachee
to continue sharing.
Simultaneously, paraphrasing is
- either a request for verification of your perceptions
- or a confirmation that you have correctly understood the
Good openings for paraphrasing are:
- So you think, ….
- You don’t believe that …
- You don’t understand why …
- So, what you are saying is …
- Sounds to me like you ….
- The way you see things …
- To you, this means …
- So, you are saying that …
- I guess it is your opinion that …
- If I understand correctly …
- You’ve always thought …, but now you found out that …
Some manuals use the term “reflecting” to indicate reflection
of meaning (thoughts) only and use “paraphrasing” for
referring to reflecting thoughts AND emotions
Reflecting - or Repeating Feelings - is very similar to
paraphrasing, but instead of reflecting the meaning, the
coach now reflects the emotions that are the basis of
coachee’s words. Reflecting feelings resorts a much
stronger effect, because coachee will experience that
the coach is not only understanding him, but is also
emphatizing with his feelings.
Reflecting feelings is the basis of emphatic listening and
creates rapport. Naming the feeling that you recognize
in their story, helps coachees to define and explore their
own feelings and become more aware of their
seriousness. Reflecting is very useful also when you feel
coachees are rattling information without feeling
Good introductions for reflecting are:
- You feel doubly hurt, because …
- The situation is worrying you, …
- You are disappointed, …
- You feel it’s a shame, …
- You are feeling sad, …
- You were angry, because …
- You don’t dare to, …
- You are afraid, …
- You must be very fond of him.
- You feel you have failed …
- You are worried that you …
- You had the strong feeling that …
- Yet, I notice some doubt in your voice
- You don’t sound very convinced though
- And yet, you sound sad. Maybe you can tell me what
- I sense you are still angry, troubled, mixed up,
confused … maybe that’s why …
6. Clarifying brings unclear or vague subjects into
sharper focus. It is useful to confirm what was said, to
get supplementary information, to present fresh points of
view or add details, or to shed light on new elements.
- Let me see if I’ve got it all …
- Let me try to state what I think you said …
7. Summative Reflection involves summarizing the
message in order to provide a structured, complete and
comprehensive feedback. Aside from organizing and
integrating the major aspects of the dialogue,
summarizing also establishes a basis for further
discussion and offers a sense of progress in the
It is required to also plan regular summaries and
evaluations during which you
repeat the essence of what has been said or done
provide a clear image of the situation
locate where coachee is with respect to the total
Logical moments for summarizing and evaluating are:
At the start and end of each session
At transiting to a new phase
At any moment that you feel a summary might be
helpful to keep track of the situation or to stimulate
Alternatively, it is a good idea to ask the coachees every
now and then to summarize and evaluate things
themselves. This will help you to take notice of
- Their point of view
- Which elements have stuck
- What is most important to them now
- What they are “forgetting”
- The most important elements in a summary are:
Accurate summary of core material
Clarity and structure
Reflection of content
Reflection of feelings
Possible opening lines for summarizing:
A. X, let’s see how far you got until now:
- You came to me X weeks ago, because … and because ….
- We determined that …, because ….
- Is there something you would like to add at this point?
B. So, to summarize, you say that …, is that correct?
C. At that moment, you set yourself the target of …. Because
- To this end, we composed an action plan
- Now, the question is when to start with the execution
of this plan.
D. Summarizing your story, you reported that … , but …, and
… - Can you agree with this presentation?
E. This seems a good moment to summarize what we have
done during this session.
- Is there something you want to add?
- How did you experience the conversation?
- By the next session, I would like you
- to consider / go through today’s points again
- to start the actions we agreed upon
- Which would allow us to proceed next time with ….
F. Is there anything you want to add?
I don't understand why my wife is getting worked up, I for
instance never get mad!!
Still I hear a bit of anger in your voice. Your wife might
perceive this as you being angry.
If you think it helps, I'm quite willing to do it, you know?
You don't sound convinced, what might be holding you
I actually wanted to stop coming here as I think I'm doing
much better now.
I'm glad you're feeling a lot better and of course you're
free to stop whenever you want. However I've noticed
there are still some things that seem to trouble you...
I haven't touched a drink in weeks, it's clear I'm not an
Being an alcoholic might be too strong a word, but
something tells me you still do have a drink regularly.
I don't know what's wrong with me or where to start.
We can take our time. You sound very sad, maybe you
could tell me what has happened?
8. Empathy and deeper empathy
In coaching you want to build up a trusting relationship with
your coachee in a short timespan. The coachee has often
heard from people around him things like 'it's nothing to
worry about', 'it will be all right', 'don't get worked up, you
only make it worse' and more well intended things that
unintentionally often made him shut up. With you he is
allowed, or rather he should open up and get rid of this
threshold. So you want to let him know he's at the right
address with his story, his emotions and how he experiences
By showing him empathy, you welcome his inner
experiences and invite him to explore his own feelings.
Empathy is not a technique by itself, it is often part of
paraphrasing or reflecting. You not only express empathy in
the words you use, but also in your modulation, intonation
and by showing the right feelings.
Understanding, empathy and deep empathy are all in line
and in a way connected. Understanding is more a rational
thing and involves mainly intelligence. Empathy involves
feelings, including your own feelings as a human being and
Deep empathy even goes one step further. It goes right into
the inner world of experiencing of the coachee for a short
while. In other words, with deep empathy you can virtually
feel what the coachee must be experiencing. You express the
emotions you feel the coachee has. This can be overdone, not
every coachee expects a strong emotional reaction from his
coach. So use and express deep empathy appropriately and
In these exercises successive understanding, empathy and
deeper empathy are shown.
Mother is connected to all these tubes and can hardly say a
thing anymore. She's also drugged up with medicines.
That must be an awful situation.
I can imagine it must be very emotional to see your
mother lying there so helplessly.
I can tell you're suffering, you would so much like for
her to get well but there's nothing you can do about it
and you feel powerless.
Near my house kids hang out; it's very noisy, they fight
regularly, and there's trash everywhere.
It must be annoying; all that noise, aggression and mess.
It must be threatening; so close to your home, and that
day in day out.
Looks like it really troubles you. You were looking
forward to living in a nice neighbourhood with your
children and now it turns out to be just the opposite.
I got fired last week, out of the blue.
Gosh, that must have been quite a shock.
That's terrible, and you thought you would get that
Of course you feel desperate and betrayed. I would really
like to try and help you to get over it.
“Empathy” is the capacity to recognize (and, to some
extent,share) feelings expressed by others and to
understand their circumstances, point of view and thoughts.
Roadblocks to empathy
There are a number of common ‘roadblocks’ that can
prevent empathy (Jarvis et al., 1995).
- ordering or commanding
- warning or threatening
- arguing or persuading
- ridiculing or labelling
- giving advice or providing solutions
It is also important to avoid:
- using jargon
“Deeper empathy” is the ability to use empathy to help
others understand themselves, their world, personal
situation, thoughts and feelings better and in another
Often the coach will
1. Use questions like “Could it be …”, “Perhaps you might see
…”, “I feel you may think now …” , “you might ask yourself…”,
“Perhaps you feel …”, “it may be that …”, “it seems as if you
are feeling …”
2. Followed by a reflection of information implied by
cochee’s message, but not put into words by them. This
might include naming of themes, patterns, isolated elements
or inconsistencies of thoughts or feelings.
3. and by the suggestion of alternative viewpoints or
Example (E = empathy / E+ = deeper empathy)
Statement coachee: “I cannot bear to see her laying there
I can imagine it must be very emotional to see her
laying there so helplessly.
E+: I can tell you are suffering, you would so much like her
to get well but there is nothing you can do about it and you
In a coaching conversation, you will not want to stop at
listening. Towards the end of the conversation, you will
want the coachee to take a next step, start changing things,
commit to action.
- So, where does this leave us?
- What will you do next?
- How will this help you to proceed towards your goal?
- What will be your first step now?
3.2 ASKING QUESTIONS
Asking questions is how we find things out.
An excellent way to do this is “the FRRO technique”.
“FRRO” stands for:
Put aside your own reactions,
concentrate on getting as much
useful and objective information as
possible. Discover the story behind
the story, then pull the elements
that are useful for reaching the
coachee’s goal to foreground
See the chapter on repeating the
understand, show you care.
Checking the coachee’s story,
expectations and beliefs helps to
build realistic expectations.
4. OPEN QUESTIONS
Start with open questions and ask
factual questions first, before
proceeding to enquiring about
The best way to start asking, is by asking open questions
Open questions generally do not start with a verb, but start
with a pronoun: who, what, why, when, where, how, how
many, which, …
The advantage of using open questions is that they will
evoke a more detailed response than other types of
questions. They are therefore the obvious questions to ask
when you want to collect information, stimulate the coachee
to talk or stimulate them to put their feelings or thoughts
Exploring questions are very useful during the coaching
For putting the problem in the right context and
Which other feelings play a part?
For scanning and identifying possible goals
For exploring internal and exterior resources
For examining the various paths that might be useful to
achieve the goal
Exploring exact meaning of statement.
E.g.: Coachee says: “I am feeling guilty”
Some possible exploring questions:
- Why are you feeling guilty?
- What does feeling guilty exactly means for you, Ian?
- How do you cope with that situation / feeling?
- How does this make you feel exactly?
- What do you do about these feelings, how do you express
Exploring possible goals
E.g.: Coachee says: “I would like to feel really o.k.”
Some possible exploring questions:
- That’s a great goal, Ian. What would it take to make you
feel really o.k.?
- How would you know that you are feeling really o.k.?
- What could make you feel really o.k.?
- On a scale from 1 – 10, with 10 being really o.k., where
would you locate yourself today?
Discovering internal and exterior resources.
E.g. Coachee says : “I’m a hopeless case”
You don’t seem to give yourself much courage. Ever
heard of internal resources?
“Ah, my sources have been dry for a long time now”
Hmm, imagine your sources all of a sudden becoming
active again, what difference would that make?
“I would be nice, be courageous, …”
Probing questions and Clarifying questions
Once we have obtained the general information, we switch
to the more directive types of questions: probing or
clarifying questions, which will yield us the missing data.
They are also used to verify whether we understood
correctly the information we received from the coachee.
Most of these questions will be “Closed questions”.
These questions often start with a verb.
The risks inherent to this kind of questions are:
they often yield very short questions that do not contain
supplementary information (yes, no …)
there is always the chance of influencing the coachee’s
answer, especially when our question is of a suggestive
nature (example: “you wouldn’t know by any chance
whether …”, “you wouldn’t want to …” or: “do you think
A, or would you rather say B …”
Generally, people tend to use too many closed questions and
not enough open questions, with the likely outcome of not
receiving all the useful information that they might get
through the use of open questions. Instead of learning about
the coachee’s story, they might end up with a biased story
that is limited in content and influenced by their own
assumptions and prejudices.
A special kind of probing question is the mirror-question in
which all, but mostly only the last part of a sentence is
“I have tried everything!”
“It was not a nice chat”
- “Not a nice chat?”
THE QUESTION TUNNEL
“What does … mean to you?”
“Which of these objectives are most
important to you and why?”
“So, what you really want is …?”
“What will be your first step?”
Obvious line to take for collecting information, for
stimulating coachee to talk, for helping coachee describe a
situation or put a feeling into words, or for making them
reflect on a specific subject.
Open questions often start with: who – what – where – why
– when – where to – where from - what for – which - how –
how many - ….
They rarely start with a verb.
The use of “why” has to be carefully considered, since this
kind of questions easily lead to coachees feeling that they
have to justify themselves and then often leads to a
In coaching it is recommended to start asking about an
experience or situation and then move to asking about
Phase 1: exploration of situation:
“What exactly happened?”
“What was the discussion about?”
“When did you notice things were going the wrong way?”
Phase 2: exploration of emotions:
“Who was having most problems with the situation?”
“How were you feeling at that point?”
“What did it mean to you that …?”
“What is your biggest fear?”
“What do you think of it now?”
“What are you expecting from him?”
Special probing or clarifying questions that challenge
“What will make you most comfortable with this action /
decision / situation?”
“What stops you from taking action?”
“What would achieving this goal mean to you?”
“What tells you that this is what you will achieve by….”
“What’s great about that option?”
“What would you do next if you knew you couldn’t fail?”
“If you could have …, what would it look (be, feel) like?”
“If it were possible to combine the security of your current
job and the freedom of self-employment, how would you be
Redirect a question back to the learner
Example: “That’s a good question. What do you think
ought to be done in that situation?”
When you don’t know the answer …
“What would you do if you knew the answer?”
“What would the answer be if you did know it?”
Pitfalls when asking questions
Being subjective :
- Asking suggestive questions
- Subjective interpretation of the answers received
Lack of delineation:
- Asking vague, unclear, ambiguous, confusing questions
- Unclear definition of the subject
- Ramble from one subject to another
- Asking several questions simultaneously
- Lack of “fine tuning” of the conversation
3. Advising, judging, criticizing questions
- Such questions create resistance and tend to block
- Do not try to prove you are right, do not enter into
discussion, do not try to convince: “a man convinced
against his will, remains of the same opinion still!”
One way communication :
- Talking too much
- Not listening to coachee’s answers
- Not acknowledging coachee’s answers
- Not responding to coachee’s questions and remarks
- Bringing up your solutions instead of helping coachee to
Difficult questions stimulate independent thinking and boost
the learning or growth process.
Bloom distinguishes 6 classes of questions, with an
increasing degree of difficulty:
1. Knowledge 2. Perception 3. Application
4. Analysis 5. Synthesis 6. Evaluation
1. Knowledge-questions: ask for facts
- Who, what, where, when, which ….
- Asking for definitions, lists, descriptions, factual or
causal links, events, dates, …
2. Perception-questions: require thinking
- Asking for a choice, selection, summary
e.g.: Which elements influence …?
- Asking for an explanation
e.g.: How did this influence you?
- Asking to convey the meaning of contents
e.g.: Can you explain in your words?
- Asking to make a sketch or drawing
e.g.: Can you draw up a floor plan?
- Asking for a prediction or forecast
e.g.: How will A influence B?
- Asking for examples
e.g.: Name a case where this is valid
- Asking for the big scope or great lines of an evolution or
- Asking for points of resemblance and of difference
3. Application-questions: Asking to use knowledge in new
- Asking to develop a plan
- Asking to propose solutions
- Asking to prove, demonstrate, justify, show how, …
- Asking: “How would you … in this specific context or
- Asking to test abstract definitions by practical
- Asking to solve a (mathematical, logic …) problem
4. Asking for an analysis: To force coachee to break up the
subject into its constituent parts and order or compare
the various parts.
- What is the risk of …?
- Describe pattern: which causes led to…?
- Ask for proof for conclusions
- Investigate, explore, …
5. Synthesis-questions: Asking to create a new entity by
joining separate parts
- Asking to design something, e.g. “design the ideal town”
- Asking to create a poem, a stage play …
- Asking to compose a survey, draw up a plan, compile a
- Asking to write an article
- Asking to develop a theme, a point of view, …
- Asking to predict, forecast, extrapolate, …
- Asking to combine knowledge originated from different
6. Evaluation-questions: Asking for a substantiated point of
view and conclusions
- Asking for substantiated conclusions
- Asking for detailed arguments
- Asking to indicate value: “who is the best …?”
- Asking for a detailed critic: “What are the weak points?”
- Asking to choose and justify the choice made
- Asking for a substantiated judgment or verdict.
Tips for asking questions
Replace often pointless “why” questions about the past by
“how” questions about the future. “Why” questions my leave
the impression that one is asked to justify his actions and
thus will easier lead to a defensive position.
Instead of asking :”Why did you take this approach?”, ask:
“How can we move on from here?”
Avoid using “why”, use “how”: If you need to know why
something happened, avoid the “you” approach
Instead of: “Why have you done this?”, ask: “How did this
Instead of asking “What did you think about …?”, ask : “How
do you feel about …?”
or ask: “Did / Do you like …?”
Pay attention to what is scrambled, suppressed or
transformed: Continue to ask questions until you feel you
dispose of all the necessary information.
Be alert for deletions (omission of referential index,
nominalizations, omission of subject, comparative deletions,
…), subjective remarks, assumptions, general truths,
distortions, wordings which contain modal verbs (must,
mustn’t, can, can’t, shouldn’t, …), generalizations (all, every,
never, always, almost never, …)
- I cannot ask her now
: ask : why not, what is stopping
- I have enough of this
: what exactly is bothering you?
Challenge ineffective convictions.
If you feel that the coachee believes:
- that he is worthless unless he’s outstandingly competent
- that he is special or doomed: either good or bad
- that he must prove himself, must have everything he
- that he must be immortal; must be loved, must have
everything he wants
- that he must be immortal, must be loved and cared for
- that he must be made happy by others, must be treated in
a special way
- Is their any evidence for this belief?
- What is the worst that can happen if he gives up his belief?
- What is the best that can happen if he gives up his belief?
- Why should this be so?
If you really do not know what to answer, ask : “Why do you
say that?” – “Why do you want to know?”
Whatever you ask, add “because”:
Explaining why you want something increases compliance
with up to 50% … even if you add an “empty reason”.
Example: “May I use the Xerox, because I have to make some
Questions for coaching
The purpose of these questions is to bring forth answers
from your (or your friend's, if you are coaching a friend) own
store of values, experiences and abilities. They will also help
you to turn your situation on its head and give you a new
The Miracle question
"Suppose our meeting is over, you go home, do whatever you
planned to do for the rest of the day. And then, some time in
the evening, you get tired and go to sleep. And in the middle
of the night, when you are fast asleep, a miracle happens and
all the problems that brought you here today are solved just
like that. But since the miracle happened over night nobody
is telling you that the miracle happened. When you wake up
the next morning, how are you going to start discovering
that the miracle happened? ... Ask, what else are you going to
notice? What else?"
In a specific situation, the practitioner may ask,
"If you woke up tomorrow, and a miracle happened so that
you no longer easily lost your temper, what would you see
differently?" What would the first signs be that the miracle
A child might respond by saying: "I would not get upset
when somebody calls me names."
The coach wants the coachee to develop positive goals, or
what they will do, rather than what they will not do--to
better ensure success. So, the coach may ask the coachee,
"What will you be doing instead when someone calls you
A couple of supplementary questions you can ask:
1. Who else would notice that this miracle has
happened? What would tell them?
This question encourages you to step outside of yourself and
think about what would be different in your observable
behaviour if the problem were solved. Once you're aware of
this, it's a very short step to beginning to act differently.
2. Does anyone else have to change in order for this
miracle to happen?
Out of dozens of coachees I've asked this question, everyone
has said 'no'. Of course, having just described your answer to
the miracle question makes it a lot easier to realise that you
are able to make the changes you need in your life.
Basic Questions for Coaching
How are you doing right now … on a scale of 1 to 10?
Describe what a ten-point-level would look like.
If you were to go up by two points on the scale – how
would things be different?
Which obstacles keep you from getting there today?
If you were to wake up one morning and those obstacles
were no longer there, what would you think and do?
What is it that keeps your situation from being worse?
If you had already achieved what you wanted, what
would it be like?
When do you want that to happen?
Is this really your own goal or is it someone else's?
What is it you will gain if you reach your goal?
What will you gain by not reaching your goal?
How would it feel to succeed?
How would it feel if you were not to reach your goal?
Would it even be worth trying?
Earlier in your life, have you been in a situation similar to
the one you are in now? How did you solve it that time?
If somebody else with your experience had been in your
shoes, what would you have told him or her?
If some person is involved – who is the most negative?
For what reason?
What other circumstances effect you with regard to this
matter? If necessary, would you be willing to have a look
at these circumstances?
How determined are you to try to reach your goal?
What would be a step in the right direction?
What other possibilities do you have?
What further options are open to you?
What sort of things are there that could be done if you
did not have to do them?
What more can be done?
What can you do to get yourself beyond these obstacles?
What do you first need to do/find out in order to move
Who or what can help you to get what you want?
If you had an unlimited amount of time and money, what
would you do?
If somebody else had the same problems or issues that
you have, what kind of advice would you give him/her?
If your best friend were in your situation, what kind of
advice would you give him/her?
If your child found himself in the same situation, then
what would you advise?
If someone were sitting up on the moon and looking
down on your situation, what do you think he or she
would say you should do?
What would a total novice in the field do in the same
What would someone with a strong sense of self do?
What would a man or woman of enormous wisdom
What is it that really works? Can you somehow reinforce