Personal Coaching - Definitions and Models by Dean Amory - HTML preview

PLEASE NOTE: This is an HTML preview only and some elements such as links or page numbers may be incorrect.
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.

way. Information is individualized to the person, precise to his or

her situation, balanced with support, and in a way that opens up new

possibilities for the coachee.

3 Specific and Sensory Based

Giving specific information that is see-hear-feel so the coachee can

easily recognize and acknowledge it, giving it by pacing coachee's

experience, giving information that's factual, concise, succinct,

relevant, and useable for moving on toward objectives.

2 Convoluted

Giving convoluted and/or vague feedback that is not sensory based

in description, using one's own values and criteria about the

behavior rather than the coachee's criteria. "I think you ought to

really stop thinking being egocentric about that job, and develop

your skills."

1 Negative

Giving feedback quickly without much thought (impatiently),

without much consider about the state it would induce the coachee

into, criticizing, blaming, arguing, telling, making the information


personal, rather than about behavior. "You're just not very good at

this, are you?"

0 Withholding

Withholding any response from the coachee, judging the coachee or

his or her behaviors

7) Receiving Feedback:

Hearing and asking about information that mirrors back how a

response came across, taking that in, reflecting upon it, asking

more questions about it, integrating what one finds useful in

order to improve performance toward a desired outcome.

5 Celebrating and Implementing

Actively seeking and making comments of appreciation, celebrating

the information as useful for improvement, recognizing how the

sensory information suggests patterns that call for implementing a

change in behavior, making plans for integrating it and enhancing

one's performance.

4 Questioning and Clarifying

Questioning the information by seeking clarification, asking for more

details about when, where, how, etc., reflecting upon the information

and making statements about how it fits or doesn't fit. Coachee in a

state of interest, curiosity, etc.

3 Acceptance and Exploration

Accepting the information by acknowledging it and exploring it, "Yes

I remember doing that. What did that mean to you?" "How did that

affect him?" Some exploration and clarification, but coachee

generally in a neutral state or a slightly negative one with low levels

of anger, fear, stress, etc.



2 Silent

Silent listening to feedback, seemingly pondering some of it, but

asking no questions, not exploring its meaning, asking for


1 Negative

Responding to the information in a negative emotional state (anger,

fear, stress, frustration, etc.) so that coachee in a reactive and

defensive state, saying things that immediately defend against the

information, arguing, deflecting, discounting, and disagreeing with


0 Disengaged

Disengaged to the information, refusing to listen, walking away,

avoiding it and not dealing with it.


1. Establishing and maintaining a relationship of trust


Ensure a safe space and supportive relationship for personal

growth, discovery and transformation.


1. The client is open to sharing and receiving.

2. The client perceives the coach as a personal advocate.

3. The client sees transformation and growth as


4. The client has realistic expectations of results and

responsibilities of coaching.

Key Elements

1. Mutual respect and acceptance.

2. Confidence and reassurance.

3. The client feels safe to share fears without judgment

from the coach.

2. Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential


Recognizes and help the client acknowledge and appreciate his

or her strengths and potential.


1. The client has greater appreciation of personal

capabilities and potential.

2. The client is more willing to take actions beyond

current paradigms or strategies.


Key Elements

1. Being in empathy with the client.

2. Recognizing a wider range of possibilities.

3. Encouraging and empowering the client.

4. Challenging limiting beliefs.

5. Recognizing strengths of client and awareness of where

strengths support personal and organizational goals

(where appropriate).

3. Engaged listening


Give full attention to the words, nuances, and the unspoken

meaning of the client's communication; the coach is more

deeply aware of the client, his/her concerns and the source of

the issue, by listening beyond what the client is able to



1. The client feels understood and validated – not judged.

2. The client communicates more effortlessly and


Key Elements

1. The coach focuses on what the client expresses, both

verbally and nonverbally.

2. The coach listens beyond what the client articulates.

3. The coach is alert to discrepancies between what the

client is saying (words) and the client’s behavior and/or



4. Processing in the present


Focus full attention on the client, processing information at the

level of the mind, body, heart and/or spirit, as appropriate. The

coach expands the client’s awareness of how to experience

thoughts and issues on these various levels, when and as

appropriate. The coach utilizes what is happening in the session

itself (client’s behavior, patterns, emotions, and the relationship

between coach and client, etc.) to assist the client toward

greater self-awareness and positive, appropriate action.


1. The client is free to express and engage with present


2. The client is unencumbered by past or future

preoccupations or concerns.

3. The client benefits from coaching insight and support

on all levels.

4. The coach is highly attuned to subtle communications

from the client.

Key Elements

1. The coach is aware of the dynamics occurring within

the session, within the client, and between coach and

client, and understands how the dynamics are affecting

the client and the coaching.

2. The coach has a simultaneous and holistic awareness of

the client’s communications at all levels.

3. The coach is able to discern whether the client is

communicating from the past, present or future.

4. The coach allows the client the opportunity to process

and clarify the coach’s questions and comments.

5. The coach allows the client the opportunity to process

his or her own thoughts and responses.


5. Expressing


Attention and awareness to how the coach communicates

commitment, direction, intent, and ideas – and the effectiveness

of this communication.


1. The coaching interaction is enhanced with the client

being at ease and trusting.

2. The client is open to understanding and/or questioning

any communication from the coach.

Key Elements

1. Respect.

2. Attentiveness.

3. Client-focused.

4. Clarity.

5. Appropriateness.

6. Clarifying







understanding and the confidence of the client.


1. The client and the coach move forward in a more

directed way.

2. Increased possibilities.

3. Decreased uncertainty.

4. Uncovering the unknown.


Key Elements

1. Identify the most important issue while respecting

client’s preferences and limitations.

2. No judgment by the coach, no leading toward a

particular destination.

3. Identify key values and needs.

4. Facilitate alignment of purpose, vision and mission.

5. Identify blocks to progress.

7. Helping the client set and keep clear intentions


Helps the client become or remain focused and working towards

intended goals.


1. The client feels capable.

2. The client is clear about what he or she wants to

accomplish or transform.

3. The client is inspired by the possibilities.

4. The client moves forward purposefully.

Key Elements

1. Inquiring into the client’s intentions and goals.

2. Time spent on what is most important.

3. Clarifying direction of progress.

4. Periodically reviewing, revising and/or celebrating the

process and intentions.

8. Inviting possibility


Creating an environment that allows ideas, options and

opportunities to emerge.



1. The coach enables expansion of thoughts and actions.

2. The client’s awareness is expanded.

3. The coach helps client transcend barriers.

4. The client is willing to leave his/her comfort zone.

5. The client has more options.

Key Elements

1. Trust, openness, curiosity, courage, and recognition of


2. The coach and the client communicate through

exploration and discovery.

3. Identify “internal” possibilities (e.g., personal greatness,

higher purpose) and “external” possibilities (e.g.,

resources, memes).

4. Possibilities are generated by the coach, the client or a

collaboration of the two.

9. Helping the client create and use supportive systems and



Helping the client identify and build the relationships, tools,

systems and structures he or she needs to advance and sustain



The client is confident and secure in moving forward, knowing

that resources are available or can be created.



Key Elements

1. The coach suggests possible support systems and

structures appropriate to the client’s needs.

2. The coach prompts the client to identify support

systems and structures the client has but is not utilizing


3. The coach assists the client to identify areas in which

the client feels a need for support and structure.

4. The client understands the value of appropriate

support systems.

5. The client’s progress toward their goals or intentions is

more sustainable.

© 2007- 2011 International Association of Coaching.

All use, reproduction, distribution and modification of these

materials is subject to the terms and conditions of the license.




Motivational interviewing aims at helping coachees to explore

their reasons to change.






Motivational interviewing involves (Miller & Rollnick, 1991):

- Expressing empathy

Motivational interviewing consists of more listening and less


- Developing discrepancy

Focus the patient’s attention on discrepancy:

‘I like my present situation and way of living, but I know I will

need a job to sustain myself and I hate the hassles with my


- Raising awareness:

‘How do you see the connection between your present situation

and the tensions inside the family?

- Avoidingargumentation

The coachee, and not the coach, is encouraged to argue for


- Rolling with resistance

Try not to provide solutions. Provide opportunity for the

coachee to identify solutions - sometimes with your help).

If the coach resists, this may be an indication that you are taking

a wrong approach.


- Helping the coachee consider issues from other perspectives.

For example:

- ask the coachee’s view of your findings.

- Ask them what they think the view of a significant other

might be etc.

- Supporting self-efficacy

The coachee’s confidence in their ability to implement and

sustain changed behaviour will influence whether or not they

attempt and persist with efforts to change.



Explore positive and negative consequences

Provide opportunity to explore the coachee’s specific


Use reflective listening and summaries to understand and

communicate understanding

 Elicit self-motivational statements:

 ‘What are the things you like and don’t like about your …?’

 ‘What have other people said about your …?’

‘What makes you think you might need to change?’

 Help the coachee decide whether to change:

 ‘Where does this leave you now?’

‘What does this mean for your …?’

 Avoid:




imposing a label on them


telling them what they must do



trying to break down denial with confrontation

 It should never feel as though you are confronting the

coachee. Instead, it should feel the both of you are

confronting the problem(s) together.


Brief motivational interviewing and opportunistic interventions

are well researched (Rollnick et al., 1999).

Two factors are central:

- Importance — e.g. some think it is important to change, but are

not clear how they can do it

- Confidence — e.g. some are confident they can change, but it is

not important to them

Brief motivational interviewing consists of the following eight


1. Scaling questions

Ask questions such as:

‘On a scale of 0–5 how important is it for you to achieve this


‘On a scale of 0–5 how confident are you about reaching this


You can use scaling to help quickly identify the most important

areas to work on.

You can then use this information:

‘Why is it so high?’ (Even if a ‘1’: ‘Why isn’t it a zero?’)

‘What will help keep you at this level?’


‘What will help you move higher?’

‘How high does it have to be before you make an attempt to


‘What can I do to help?’

2. Exploring importance

‘What are the benefits of your present situation?’

‘What are some of the less good things?’

3. Summarise

‘Where does that leave you now?’

4. Building confidence

‘In the past, what has been helpful when you have tried to …?’

‘Is there anything you can learn from these past attempts?’

‘Is there anything you can learn from other people’s attempts to


5. Exchanging information

How you share information and your expertise is important.

‘How much do you already know about …?’

‘Some people find that …how about you?’

‘How do you see the connection between …. and your


‘Is there anything more you’d like to know about …?’

6. Reducing resistance

Understand what causes the resistane that the coachee is


The coachee may be holding on to an existing situation, no

matter how bad it is, because at least, they are familiar with it

and they are afraid of how changing to a new situation will

affect their lives.


Or they may have the feeling that you are pushing them and are

taking over control over their life.

Whenever the coachee seems to get nowhere , hesitates to make

decisions or take action:

 Slow down and express empathy, especially about the

difficulty of changing.

 Emphasise personal choice and control.

 Don’t try to provide solutions — invite the coachee to re-

confirm his goals and to collaborate in providing a solution.

The onus is then on him, not you, to make a decision to


 Build up confidence by encouraging him take small steps

and achieve small successes.

 Challenge any irrational fears, beliefs and convictions that

you discover : Use the ABCDE Coaching model (2.5.1),

 Practise the questions about confronting fear (3.2)

 Learn about dealing with obstacles and resistance (4.2)

 Redefine fear (4.34)

Examples of coachees expressing feelings of resistance:

I don’t know why I did it. Looks like I just keep repeating the

same mistakes all over. I guess that’s how I am, I just can't help


What exactly stopped you from using the correct approach?

How did doing this make you feel?

I know it’s wrong to …., but I just can’t decide to …

It sounds as though something is blocking you from …

What is the worst thing that could happen if ….


Ahh, never mind: I guess I was born stupid, never learned a

thing and probably will die stupid!

Maybe, but do you remember what exactly kept you from …

That's a hard one.

You don't have to go into all the details, but can you give me

the gist of it?

What do I care?

It sounds as though you've lost interest all of a sudden.

I really don't know what happened back then.

It must be hard, having to remember those things.

I am confused and don’t know what to do anymore: one person

says one thing, another something else and whatever I try,

things seem to always turn out wrong for me.

It's always good to get advice from other people, but it

doesn't make it any easier to choose a solution that really

suits you.

Serious problem? Oh well, I don’t really see this as a problem. I

have learned to live with it, you know.

If that is what you want, then that is good. But I do

remember there is a reason why you came to see me.

The world is such a mess, there's not much I can do.

That's true, but how about starting with your own


Oh no, don't start all that again. Why can't we give it a rest?

It sounds like something is still troubling you.

I didn't do the homework, just didn't get round to it.

Looks like it is hard to do the tasks we agreed to. What is

really stopping you from doing them?


7. Motivating

In spite of the fact that the coachee knows he is in trouble and

has come to see you about it, he isn't always motivated to really

work on his problems.

He can also get discouraged in the course of the sessions.

It is up to you then to motivate him again by encouraging him to

look at it from different angles.

Here are some motivating sentences that you could use,

followed by some examples:

What would encourage you?

What would swing you into action?

What inner resources could possibly strengthen your will

to succeed?

How could you speed things up?

How much time do you allocate yourself?

The sooner you start, the quicker you can reach your goal.

We could go over everything again, but how about 'starting'


Every journey starts with the first step.

Sometimes you need to just grin and bear it, and go on.


Despite all this coaching, I give up. I just can't make it through

the month.

I think you've come a long way, hold on. Let's look at what

we can come up with to make it through the coming week.

What do you think you need for that?


Nice plans we've made, but I just don't seem to be able to carry

them out.

What's holding you back?

I keep forgetting!

How can you stop yourself from forgetting?

Write things on a piece of paper and put it on the back of the

door, so I see it before I leave the house.

That's a good idea. Here's a piece of paper...

I want to quit school because I don't think I will ever graduate.

Maybe, but you've studied hard for four years. You only

have a few more months to go. Actually you are virtually

there and now you want to throw away four years, just like


Bit of a waste, eh?

It's your choice to throw away four years of effort.

I'm scared to death I will flunk.

So it's very important to you that you make it.

Yes, I didn't put in four years for nothing.

What would motivate you to go for it those last few months?

8. Summarise and invite action

We have discussed a number of issues…” + name them!

Then ask:

“Which issue is most important to you at this moment?”

‘What do you think you should do about …?’

“What will be your First step?”

“What will you do now?”

“How could you overcome this problem?”



Roll with resistance

Don’t confront head on. Explore reasons behind resistance.

Provide information; explore alternatives; involve the other.

Express empathy

Attitude of acceptance and respect; Reflective listening without

judging, criticizing or blaming.

Avoid argumentation

Focus instead on helping the person with self-recognition of


Develop discrepancy

Motivation for change is created when we perceive a

discrepancy between our behavior and important personal


Support Self-efficacy


(Based on Mason, 1997).

Source: The Art of Counselling / De Kunst van het Counselen

© Copyright Owner: Academy for Counselling and

Coaching - The Netherlands - Paul van Schaik



1. Set a major, fixed goal, but follow a flexible path which has

mini-goals that go in many directions.

2. Finish what you start

3. Socialize with others of similar interest. If we associate with

losers, we will be losers.

4. Learn how to learn. Once we learned the art of self-

education, we will find – if not create – opportunities to build


5. Harmonize natural talent with talent that motivates. Natural

talent creates motivation, motivation creates persistence,

persistence gets the job done.

6. Increase knowledge of subjects that inspire. The more we

know about a subject, the more we want to learn about it.

7. Take Risk: Failure and bouncing back are elements of

motivation. Failure is a learning tool.


(= goal)


(= motive:

avoid pain /


gain pleasure)

(= path)








#1 Set a major goal, but follow a path.

The path has mini goals that go in many

directions. When you learn to succeed at

mini goals, you will be motivated to

challenge grand goals.

#2 Finish what you start. A half

finished project is of no use to

anyone. Quitting is a habit. Develop

the habit of finishing self-motivated


#3 Socialize with others of similar

interest. Mutual support is motivating.

We will develop the attitudes of our five

best friends. If they are losers, we will be

a loser. If they are winners, we will be a

winner. To be a cowboy we must

associate with cowboys.

#4 Learn how to learn.

Dependency on others for

knowledge supports the habit of

procrastination. Man has the ability

to learn without instructors. In fact,

when we learn the art of self-

education we will find, if not

create, opportunity to find success

beyond our wildest dreams.

#5 Harmonize natural talent with

interest that motivates. Natural talent

creates motivation, motivation creates

persistence and persistence gets the job





#6 Increase knowledge of

subjects that inspires. The more

we know about a subject, the more

we want to learn about it. A self-

propelled upward spiral develops.

#7 Take risk. Failure and bouncing back

are elements of motivation. Failure is a

learning tool. No one has ever succeeded

at anything worthwhile without a string

of failures.



Use the environment to focus attention on goals:

Create a warm, accepting yet business-like atmostphere

Use interesting visual aids (booklets, posters, …) or / and

practice equipment.


Incentives motivate:

Privileges, receiving praise, rewards ….

Motivation without reward rarely lasts.


Ganas and satisfaction are key elements

Be careful with external rewards, since they may cause a

decline in internal motivation. Internal motivation is

longer lasting and more self-directive than is external



Seeing starts with a hunger

We must be ready for change. The coach’s role is to

encourage the development of this “readiness”




Good organization enhances motivation

Smart goals and Informative, respectful feedback go a long





Does coachee’s motivation come from the inside?


Is coachee fully committed?


Is there a big “REASON WHY” present?


Is the goal SMART, inspiring and attainable?


Is a supportive environment in place?




Without self motivation you will not achieve your goals. As the

saying goes, "if it's to be it's down to me".

First, our motivation can only come from inside ourselves. Why?

Because motivation is an internal force that drives individuals to

act in order to achieve a specific goal. Two people might read

the same book, or listen to the same inspirational speaker but

respond differently. One person might feel motivated to act, the

other might not.

Second, you must have a big enough 'reason why' in order to

feel motivated. Your reason why must provide a 'meaningful

motive'. It can be useful to look for a reason that's bigger than

yourself. For example, you may want to earn enough money to

take care of your family - not just yourself. So David McNally's

advice is to dig deep into the truth of what you want. This is why

it's so important to choose goals to which you feel 100%


Third, you need to believe that your goal is attainable. Either

that or your fear must be so great that you will try anyway.

Without this fear or belief self motivation is difficult to maintain.

Given that you probably don't want to live with feelings of

dread, let's take a look at belief. You can start by looking for

evidence within yourself that you can achieve your goal. You can

then back this up by seeking support, mentors and role-models,

either directly or indirectly through books and audios.

Fourth, your environment is an influence on motivation. That's a

key reason why you need to choose your friends and colleagues

carefully. This doesn't have to mean saying goodbye to the


people you know now. But consider whether it would be helpful

to make new contacts. Again, books and audios can be very

supportive when you are looking to new ways of thinking.

Finally, there is a difference between motivation and

inspiration. Inspiration is getting in touch with our human

spirit, whereas motivation is the driving force to move towards

our goal. Inspiration can certainly help self motivation - and we

can look outside ourselves for help with inspiration. So speakers

like David McNally might help us feel inspired. It is then up to us

whether to decide to be motivated to take action to achieve our



Understanding How To Increase Your Goals Motivation

Key principles of goal motivation theory include the role of pain

and pleasure motives.

Goal motivation theory is based on the idea that all our actions

are based on logical reasons - logical to us at any rate.

If you can understand why you act as you do then you have a

better chance of taking relevant actions that help you achieve

your goals. There are two basic points to understand here: first,

the link between our goals and our motives, and second, the

importance of pain and pleasure motives.

Let's start this review of goal motivation theory by examining

the link between your goals and your motives. Gary Ryan Blair

pictures the anatomy of goals as a triangle. The three points of

the triangle stand for what why and how.

The what is your goal. So let's say that you have a goal to write a

book and get it published by 31 December next.


The why is your motive for getting this book published. Maybe

it's for the money, maybe it's more a question of personal


The how is the method by which you'll achieve the goal. So

you'll need to have a plan for writing the book and a plan for

finding a publisher.

Here's the key point: the why is the most important. Goal

motivation theory says that we only achieve goals to satisfy our

motives. We achieve the what as a means to an end - and that

end is taking care of our why. Gary Ryan Blair suggests that for

every goal we set we need at least three 'why's'. If we don't have

a strong enough list of why's we simply won't have strong

enough motivation to acheive the goal.

So what sort of why might we have in terms of goal motivation

theory? Essentially there are two categories of why: pain and

pleasure. In Awaken The Giant Within. Anthony Robbins says

that "Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to

avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure".

So my suggestion is that you identify the pain and pleasure

associated with any goal you set. In fact, when you write your

goal down, I suggest you also write down your pain and

pleasure motives. Naturally the motives you identify must be

important to you. You can't get motivated for someone else's


Let's continue the example of writing and publishing a book.

Maybe the writer doesn't like life as an employee and thinks

that getting a book published would allow them to leave their

job - thus moving away from the pain. Perhaps also they would

like to move towards the pleasure (as they see it) of seeing their

book in the local bookshop.


Here's one final point on goal motivation theory. Some people

seem to get more drive from moving towards pleasure, and

others from moving away from pain. Generally speaking though,

pain motives appear to be stronger motive for most people.


by Matthew Weller, Los Angeles Business Journal, March 14,


Basic principles of motivation exist that are applicable to

learning in any situation.


The environment can be used to focus the student's

attention on what needs to be learned.

Teachers who create warm and accepting yet business-like

atmospheres will promote persistent effort and favorable

attitudes toward learning. This strategy will be successful in

children and in adults. Interesting visual aids, such as

booklets, posters, or practice equipment, motivate learners

by capturing their attention and curiosity.


Incentives motivate learning.

Incentives include privileges and receiving praise from the

instructor. The instructor determines an incentive that is

likely to motivate an individual at a particular time. In a

general learning situation, self-motivation without rewards

will not succeed. Students must find satisfaction in learning

based on the understanding that the goals are useful to them

or, less commonly, based on the pure enjoyment of exploring

new things.



Internal motivation is longer lasting and more self-

directive than is external motivation, which must be

repeatedly reinforced by praise or concrete rewards.

Some individuals -- particularly children of certain ages and

some adults -- have little capacity for internal motivation and

must be guided and reinforced constantly. The use of

incentives is based on the principle that learning occurs more

effectively when the student experiences feelings of

satisfaction. Caution should be exercised in using external

rewards when they are not absolutely necessary. Their use

may be followed by a decline in internal motivation.


Learning is most effective when an individual is

ready to learn, that is, when one wants to know something.

Sometimes the student's readiness to learn comes with time,

and the instructor's role is to encourage its development. If a

desired change in behavior is urgent, the instructor may need

to supervised directly to ensure that the desired behavior

occurs. If a student is not ready to learn, he or she may not be

reliable in following instructions and therefore must be

supervised and have the instructions repeated again and



Motivation is enhanced by the way in which the

instructional material is organized.

In general, the best organized material makes the information

meaningful to the individual. One method of organization

includes relating new tasks to those already known. Other

ways to relay meaning are to determine whether the persons

being taught understand the final outcome desired and

instruct them to compare and contrast ideas.

None of the techniques will produce sustained motivation


unless the goals are realistic for the learner. The basic

learning principle involved is that success is more predictably

motivating than is failure. Ordinarily, people will choose

activities of intermediate uncertainty rather than those that

are difficult (little likelihood of success) or easy (high

probability of success). For goals of high value there is less

tendency to choose more difficult conditions. Having learners

assist in defining goals increases the probability that they will

understand them and want to reach them. However, students

sometimes have unrealistic notions about what they can

accomplish. Possibly they do not understand the precision

with which a skill must be carried out or have the depth of

knowledge to master some material.

To identify realistic goals, instructors must be skilled in

assessing a student's readiness or a student's progress

toward goals.


Because learning requires changed in beliefs and

behavior, it normally produces a mild level of anxiety.

This is useful in motivating the individual. However, severe

anxiety is incapacitating. A high degree of stress is inherent in

some educational situations. If anxiety is severe, the

individual's perception of what is going on around him or her

is limited. Instructors must be able to identify anxiety and

understand its effect on learning. They also have a

responsibility to avoid causing severe anxiety in learners by

setting ambiguous of unrealistically high goals for them.


It is important to help each student set goals and to

provide informative feedback regarding progress toward the



Setting a goal demonstrates an intention to achieve and

activates learning from one day to the next. It also directs the

student's activities toward the goal and offers an opportunity

to experience success.


Both affiliation and approval are strong motivators.

People seek others with whom to compare their abilities,

opinions, and emotions. Affiliation can also result in direct

anxiety reduction by the social acceptance and the mere

presence of others. However, these motivators can also lead

to conformity, competition, and other behaviors that may

seem as negative.


Many behaviors result from a combination of


It is recognized that no grand theory of motivation exists.

However, motivation is so necessary for learning that

strategies should be planned to organize a continuous and

interactive motivational dynamic for maximum effectiveness.

The general principles of motivation are interrelated. A single

teaching action can use many of them simultaneously.

Finally, it should be said that an enormous gap exists between

knowing that learning must be motivated and identifying the

specific motivational components of any particular act.

Instructors must focus on learning patterns of motivation for

an individual or group, with the realization that errors will be




1. BEGINNING: When learner enters and starts learning



ATTITUDES: Toward the environment, teacher, subject

matter, and self

NEEDS: The basic need within the learner at the time of



-- Make the conditions that surround the subject positive.

-- Positively confront the possibly erroneous beliefs,

expectations, and assumptions that may underlie a negative

learner attitude.

-- Reduce or remove components of the learning environment

that lead to failure or fear.

-- Plan activities to allow learners to meet esteem needs.

2. DURING: When learner is involved in the body or main

content of the learning process.


STIMULATION: The stimulation processes affecting learner

during the learning experience.

AFFECT: The emotional experience of the learner while



-- Change style and content of the learning activity.

-- Make learner reaction and involvement essential parts of

the learning process, that is, problem solving, role playing,


-- Use learner concerns to organize content and to develop

themes and teaching procedures.

-- Use a group cooperation goal to maximize learner

involvement and sharing.



3. ENDING: When learner is completing the learning process.


COMPETENCE: The competence value for the learner that is a

result of the learning behaviors.

REINFORCEMENT: The reinforcement value attached to the

learning experience, for the learner.


-- Provide consistent feedback regarding mastery of learning.

-- Acknowledge and affirm the learners' responsibility in

completing the learning task.

-- When learning has natural consequences, allow them to be

congruently evident.

-- Provide artificial reinforcement when it contributes to

successful learning, and provide closure with a positive




Points of special interest during coaching


1. Practise Active Listening

Active listening is extremely important. That is why it is treated

in more detail further in this book.

Active listening is necessary

- to find out what the coachee’s real needs are

- to understand his reality and his emotions

- to know what is motivating him and what is holding him back

To the coachees, the coach listening actively to them proves that

they are taken seriously as a person and that the coach is

making efforts to understand their situation.

Contrary to what some think, active listening does not stop at

listening and creating rapport by nodding and humming, but

also involves

* repeating and summarizing the message,

* acknowledging the qualities shown (e.i.:Who they have to be

to accomplish…)

* acknowledge the feelings expressed and the reasons for these


* probing for background information,

* checking the quality of the communication,


Typical expressions related to active listening are:

- If I understand correctly, you think that …

- So, what you are saying is …

- If you think …, then I can see why this situation makes you


- I understand why you are so ….

- Wow, I want to acknowledge the courage / maturity /

persistence / … you have shown in speaking up to … /

in taking this initiative … / in working so long …

- In reply to a statement, ask : how do you know?

- In reply to “I must”:

what would happen if you don’t?

- In reply to “I cannot”: what is stopping you?

- In reply to “nothing, all, always, never …”:

ask to think of exceptions

- If you don’t know what to answer, ask: “Why do you say that?”

2. Be empathic and supportive

Empathy adds extra depth to the quality of the communication.

Active listening already is a way of being empathic. Other ways

for showing deeper empathy are:

Reflecting the coachee’s emotions

Show that you not only understand how the other’s point of

view and his emotions, but reflect his emotions to prove that

you are genuinely interested in the impact the situation has on

the coachee:

- How does it all seem to you now?

- How does this make you feel?

- I can see this situation is making you suffer

- I understand this makes you feel desperate and betrayed


Showing your support without telling the other what to do:

- Ask: “What could be done to make things better?”

- I will help you in any way I can to overcome this setback

What the coachee needs to learn or do is:

- Set correct and smart goals

- Concentrate on one goal at the time

- Plan good action steps

- Proceed towards their goal with enhanced commitment

and accountability

- Deal with setbacks and celebrate successes

3. Be congruent (authentic)

Congruence or congruity, also referred to as authenticity or

wholeness, is the result of being unconditionally accepted. If a

child is accepted only on the condition that they behave in ways

that comply with their parents’ standards, than the influence of

the parents will deform the self-image of the child and the child

will behave in a way that does not necessarily correspond with

how they really are.

Lack of wholeness leads to faking: differences between the

visible reactions and behaviour of a person and his inner

feelings and experiences. A person may feel frustrated, but

claim he is feeling perfectly happy and satisfied.

If a coachee feels the coach is not congruent, chances are that

coaches may

- not feel at ease

- encounter difficulties themselves in expressing honestly what

they feel

- feel more vulnerable and insecure themselves


- may fear hidden judgments

- may feel they are not truly accepted as they are

If, on the other hand, the coachee feels his coach is congruent,

coaches may

- feel they enjoy an authentic contact with their coach

- feel “connected” with the coach: heard, accepted and


- evaluate the communication as more honest and more clear

- find it more easy to express themselves openly and honestly

A congruent person is a committed person, who is “present” in

his relationships and in all he does and says. He’s lived a real

life to become real. He will react honestly and openly to every

new element in the communication. He will not work with

hidden agendas. He will prioritize inner values to external

standards and expectations

4. Be positive

There is no such thing as failure: defeat is nothing but education.

It is the first step to something better. Falling is not the end, as

long as you get on your feet again and continue the journey.

The power of positivity is such that some lifestyle-gurus

recommend banishing all negativity from our lives. Nothing is

bad to them. At worst, it is “less good”. An approach is never

wrong, but it may be “less successful” or “less promising”. An

answer never wrong, but eventually only “interesting”.

It is my opinion that we must remain honest: bad things do

happen to good people. Malicious people do exist. Moreover, in

a total different perspective, elephants will never fly, no matter

how hard they try.


It helps therefore to be as well informed as possible about our

factual situation and about the road ahead, and to see things in

perspective. This way, we prevent that negative events cause

negative feelings, which in turn cause negative actions leading

to more negative feelings etc…

People’s main limits are their beliefs about what is possible for

them. Watch for processes that violate semantic well-

formedness. Challenge any irrational fears, beliefs and

convictions that you discover. Insist on being specific when they

express themselves in general terms or use universal quantifiers

(all, every, never, always…). Challenge them to think deeper

when they use modal operators of necessity or possibility

(should, shouldn’t, must, can’t, won’t…)


- What, how, who, about what,… specifically?

- Surely you do not really mean “always”: there might be some


- What would happen if you did / didn’t

- What exactly is stopping you from …

In stead of allowing ourselves to go along in negative stories and

risk slipping into a negative spiral, we must make the necessary

time to relax; to detach and look at things from a distance; to

think about, plan, do and share experiences that enhance our


Small actions help to avoid entering - or to curb - a negative


- Avoid negative language, reframe sentences that sound



don’t say



Don’t get depressed about it

I can understand why you feel


It’s all your fault

I think both of us may have

contributed to what happened

You’re not good at all at …

How might you be able

to improve …

- Go out with friends, meet people, speak with people, call

your mother or friend

- Give yourself a treat (one Belgian chocolate per day …):

Take that subscription you have been thinking of: go to the

sauna, to the gym, to the swimming pool, to the theatre, to

the movies, to the dance-hall, take a course in …. ,

- Celebrate your successes: reward yourself for things you

bring to a good end.

- Go to bed in time

- Book a city trip, plan a vacation, drive to the beach next


- Spread positivity: smile when addressing somebody, give

more (sincere) compliments, thank people for little things

they do for you, acknowledge positive actions by others, …

- Finish any unsolved business that is bugging you

- Make a new commitment or keep an old one that you have

been neglecting

5. Be acceptive: be respectful, don’t moralize, don’t


Show coachees you accept them as they are: unique human

beings with their own standards, values and feelings. Give them

your full and undivided attention.

Acknowledge what they say. Show you are on their side. Give


them the benefit of the doubt. Praise and celebrate progress.

State the qualities they showed, that is: WHO they have to be for

having accomplished the action or having achieved the

awareness described.

Example: Say “I want to acknowledge the courage / the

persistence / the creativity you’ve shown in completing /

executing / handling … In spite of ….”

It doesn’t help to stick labels to people’s thoughts or behavior. It

doesn’t help to call coaches “lazy, uncommitted or uninterested”

when no progress has been made since the last meeting, nor to

tell them they are handling things wrong. Instead, discover the

resistance or obstacles that caused the setback by asking

questions: find out why things are the way they are, how they

feel about it, what is slowing them down.

Also, remember: coaching is not about your success, but about

the coachee’s! Nobody gives a damn about how good you are,

until they know how much you care!

6. Don’t offer advice, ready made answers or easy


A lot of people are sick of being told what to do and how to do it.

They do not want to hear “This is just a phase they are going

through”, or that they do not have to care because “things could

be a lot worse” or “everything will fall in its right place.”

If they did not care, they would not have come to you in the first

place. The mere fact that they want you to coach them is a clear

indication that they feel they need support to define and/or

realize their dreams. They have a story to tell that they may feel

is not listened to and taken serious.


So what they basically want from you is not that you tell them

what to do, but that you listen to them and help them find out

for themselves.

7. Don’t enter into discussion

“Pushing back a wave only creates a bigger wave.” Arguments

are never really won. Instead of arguing, try to find out what

causes this behaviour. There may be an elephant in the room,

an obstacle that has not yet been named or dealt with properly.

8. Monitor the balances

An important balance is the one between reason, emotion and


People cannot function properly if they are out of balance.

Knowledge (reason, thinking), Feelings and Actions (behaviour)

concerning specific subjects or situations must be in balance;

otherwise people will be unable to undertake the right actions.

Typically, what we hear then is that they know something is

important, but could not force themselves to take the right

action because they lacked the necessary energy, or were too

angry; and then decided that the matter might not have been all

that important or urgent after all.

Restoring the balance, also called “centering”, requires being

aware of the dissonance. Pointing out what is happening and

asking the right questions or exploring the emotions involved

will lead to the required shift in balance.



Another balance is required for functional communication:

Every interaction should also involve three parts: “me”, “you”

and “the context”. If one of these three is left out, the

communication becomes dysfunctional. Again, asking the right

questions will help to restore the balance.

The work – life balance is the third balance that requires


What is the use of achieving your goal if somewhere along the

road you lose all that you value: your health, your family, your

friends, your joy of life, …?











The assessment conversation serves to collect important


- Why did coachee contact us?

- What is coachee’s present situation? (life story, background,

private and professional situation)

- What is coachee expecting from us? Now / medium term /

long term

- Is there a concrete goal he or she has been trying to achieve?

What has been tried before?

- Is there a concrete, identifiable challenge where coaching can

make a difference?

- What is coachee’s attitude toward coaching?

- What is choachee’s motivation for change?

- Is coachee manifesting self-defeating behavior? (aggression,

fear, irrational thoughts, …)

- To what extent will it be possible to engage in a professional

coaching relationship?

At the same time, it allows us to:

- Inform coachee about what he can expect from us

Listen to him in a respectful and non judgmental


Confidentiality; honest and open communication

Support to help coachees set correct goals

Help coachees to plan good action strategies

Help them find their own solutions

Manage progress and accountability









- Inform coachee about our method of working:

Structure of sessions

What is needed (pen, paper, …)

Handouts / notes

- Clarify what coaching is and what not.

- Explain administrative formalities :

Coaching contract + explain what services offered


Number of sessions scheduled / rules for late and

missed sessions

Terms of payment



Assessment Flow Chart

1. Preparation – environment

2. Welcome

3. Introduce yourself

4. Clarify what coaching is

5. Find out coachee’s needs

6. Build a relationship based on mutual trust

7. Explain structure and content of individual sessions and of

coaching process

8. Agree on coaching procedure and progress

9. Wrap up: evaluation of the session


1. Create warm, accepting, yet business-like atmosphere.

Use interesting visual aids (pictures, posters, booklets, …)

2. Good morning, Mr. / Ms X, please come in and be seated.

Remember: Incentives like privileges, receiving praise and

rewards motivate. Motivation without rewards rarely lasts.

3. I am …

Have you found the address easily?

May I offer you something to drink?

4. What are you hoping to achieve from coaching?

Do you know what a coach does?

What kind of coach do you need?

What do you expect from a coach?

Coaches help people:


Help people set better goals and then reach those goals.


Ask their coachees to do more than they would have

done on their own.


Focus their coachees better to produce results more



Provide the tools, support and structure to accomplish

more and overcome blocks

5. Mr. X, can you tell me what motivated you to appeal to a


Do you have prior experiences with coaching?

What do you expect from me?

What kind of coachee can I count on you to be?

How do you envision a coaching session?

What would happen during a good session?

How much work should be done inbetween sessions?

Who is responsible for completing homework?

What should happen if that person does not do what he or


she committed to?

How often and for how long will we meet?

What techniques will work when we hit a rough patch?

How will we know when it is time to end the coaching


6. In order to be able to assist you, I will need some personal

information about you. I assure you that these data, just

like all what will be said amongst us, will remain between

the two of us and will be treated with the utmost


7. For personal coaching I offer a package which starts with a

series of four coaching sessions. Each session will last 30

minutes to an hour. I charge 50 € per session. Sessions are

payable in advance, either by cash or electronic bank


If, after these four sessions, you decide you would like to

engage on a joined journey of change, we will agree a series

of sessions to suit you. The first session will be face to face.

Future sessions can be face to face or by telephone,

depending on what works best for you.

Apart from a personalized guidance, tailored to your

specific needs, I also offer a variety of coaching packages for

small groups, of 2 to 5 people. This offers you the

possibility of sharing the costs. The packages consist of a

one hour coaching session per week, or per fortnight, at a

reduced price of 30 € per session per person.

Package type A: is a series of intensive packages of 6


Subjects available are “Managing Change”,

“Managing Conflict”, “Problem Solving”, “Decision Making”

and “Anger Management”.



Package type B: are more in depth packages of 10 sessions.

At present I offer an “Effectivity Training” and a “Mediation


8. What did you think of our conversation?

How do you feel about it?

Before we go any further, do you have any concerns or

questions you want to talk about right now?

Please do not hesitate if you have any further questions




Example of a problem-analysis & strategy planning session

Flow chart of a current session

1. Preparation – environment

2. Welcome

3. Exploration problem area

4. Exploration of emotions

5. Identifying problems

6. Exploration of problems

7. Exploration of possible goals (short, medium & long term)

8. Identifying goals

9. Exploration of resources (who or what is / can be of help?)

10. Exploration of obstacles

(what is stopping you from reaching your goal?)

11. Exploration of options (which routes are available?)

12. Redaction of Action Plan


1. Create warm, accepting, yet business-like atmosphere.

Use interesting visual aids (pictures, posters, booklets, …)

2. Welcome back. Come on in and have a seat.

How are you feeling today?

Last time we talked about …

How did you feel after our meeting?

Do you have questions about our last meeting?

Did you learn anything new from it?

Has our meeting helped you in any way?

Remember: Incentives like privileges, receiving praise,

rewards, … motivate. Motivation without rewards rarely


3. Explore problem area:

I suggest that we have a closer look at your present situation