Personal Coaching - Definitions and Models by Dean Amory - HTML preview
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way. Information is individualized to the person, precise to his or
her situation, balanced with support, and in a way that opens up new
possibilities for the coachee.
3 Specific and Sensory Based
Giving specific information that is see-hear-feel so the coachee can
easily recognize and acknowledge it, giving it by pacing coachee's
experience, giving information that's factual, concise, succinct,
relevant, and useable for moving on toward objectives.
Giving convoluted and/or vague feedback that is not sensory based
in description, using one's own values and criteria about the
behavior rather than the coachee's criteria. "I think you ought to
really stop thinking being egocentric about that job, and develop
Giving feedback quickly without much thought (impatiently),
without much consider about the state it would induce the coachee
into, criticizing, blaming, arguing, telling, making the information
personal, rather than about behavior. "You're just not very good at
this, are you?"
Withholding any response from the coachee, judging the coachee or
his or her behaviors
7) Receiving Feedback:
Hearing and asking about information that mirrors back how a
response came across, taking that in, reflecting upon it, asking
more questions about it, integrating what one finds useful in
order to improve performance toward a desired outcome.
5 Celebrating and Implementing
Actively seeking and making comments of appreciation, celebrating
the information as useful for improvement, recognizing how the
sensory information suggests patterns that call for implementing a
change in behavior, making plans for integrating it and enhancing
4 Questioning and Clarifying
Questioning the information by seeking clarification, asking for more
details about when, where, how, etc., reflecting upon the information
and making statements about how it fits or doesn't fit. Coachee in a
state of interest, curiosity, etc.
3 Acceptance and Exploration
Accepting the information by acknowledging it and exploring it, "Yes
I remember doing that. What did that mean to you?" "How did that
affect him?" Some exploration and clarification, but coachee
generally in a neutral state or a slightly negative one with low levels
of anger, fear, stress, etc.
Silent listening to feedback, seemingly pondering some of it, but
asking no questions, not exploring its meaning, asking for
Responding to the information in a negative emotional state (anger,
fear, stress, frustration, etc.) so that coachee in a reactive and
defensive state, saying things that immediately defend against the
information, arguing, deflecting, discounting, and disagreeing with
Disengaged to the information, refusing to listen, walking away,
avoiding it and not dealing with it.
22.214.171.124 CORE COACHING SKILLS
1. Establishing and maintaining a relationship of trust
Ensure a safe space and supportive relationship for personal
growth, discovery and transformation.
1. The client is open to sharing and receiving.
2. The client perceives the coach as a personal advocate.
3. The client sees transformation and growth as
4. The client has realistic expectations of results and
responsibilities of coaching.
1. Mutual respect and acceptance.
2. Confidence and reassurance.
3. The client feels safe to share fears without judgment
from the coach.
2. Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential
Recognizes and help the client acknowledge and appreciate his
or her strengths and potential.
1. The client has greater appreciation of personal
capabilities and potential.
2. The client is more willing to take actions beyond
current paradigms or strategies.
1. Being in empathy with the client.
2. Recognizing a wider range of possibilities.
3. Encouraging and empowering the client.
4. Challenging limiting beliefs.
5. Recognizing strengths of client and awareness of where
strengths support personal and organizational goals
3. Engaged listening
Give full attention to the words, nuances, and the unspoken
meaning of the client's communication; the coach is more
deeply aware of the client, his/her concerns and the source of
the issue, by listening beyond what the client is able to
1. The client feels understood and validated – not judged.
2. The client communicates more effortlessly and
1. The coach focuses on what the client expresses, both
verbally and nonverbally.
2. The coach listens beyond what the client articulates.
3. The coach is alert to discrepancies between what the
client is saying (words) and the client’s behavior and/or
4. Processing in the present
Focus full attention on the client, processing information at the
level of the mind, body, heart and/or spirit, as appropriate. The
coach expands the client’s awareness of how to experience
thoughts and issues on these various levels, when and as
appropriate. The coach utilizes what is happening in the session
itself (client’s behavior, patterns, emotions, and the relationship
between coach and client, etc.) to assist the client toward
greater self-awareness and positive, appropriate action.
1. The client is free to express and engage with present
2. The client is unencumbered by past or future
preoccupations or concerns.
3. The client benefits from coaching insight and support
on all levels.
4. The coach is highly attuned to subtle communications
from the client.
1. The coach is aware of the dynamics occurring within
the session, within the client, and between coach and
client, and understands how the dynamics are affecting
the client and the coaching.
2. The coach has a simultaneous and holistic awareness of
the client’s communications at all levels.
3. The coach is able to discern whether the client is
communicating from the past, present or future.
4. The coach allows the client the opportunity to process
and clarify the coach’s questions and comments.
5. The coach allows the client the opportunity to process
his or her own thoughts and responses.
Attention and awareness to how the coach communicates
commitment, direction, intent, and ideas – and the effectiveness
of this communication.
1. The coaching interaction is enhanced with the client
being at ease and trusting.
2. The client is open to understanding and/or questioning
any communication from the coach.
understanding and the confidence of the client.
1. The client and the coach move forward in a more
2. Increased possibilities.
3. Decreased uncertainty.
4. Uncovering the unknown.
1. Identify the most important issue while respecting
client’s preferences and limitations.
2. No judgment by the coach, no leading toward a
3. Identify key values and needs.
4. Facilitate alignment of purpose, vision and mission.
5. Identify blocks to progress.
7. Helping the client set and keep clear intentions
Helps the client become or remain focused and working towards
1. The client feels capable.
2. The client is clear about what he or she wants to
accomplish or transform.
3. The client is inspired by the possibilities.
4. The client moves forward purposefully.
1. Inquiring into the client’s intentions and goals.
2. Time spent on what is most important.
3. Clarifying direction of progress.
4. Periodically reviewing, revising and/or celebrating the
process and intentions.
8. Inviting possibility
Creating an environment that allows ideas, options and
opportunities to emerge.
1. The coach enables expansion of thoughts and actions.
2. The client’s awareness is expanded.
3. The coach helps client transcend barriers.
4. The client is willing to leave his/her comfort zone.
5. The client has more options.
1. Trust, openness, curiosity, courage, and recognition of
2. The coach and the client communicate through
exploration and discovery.
3. Identify “internal” possibilities (e.g., personal greatness,
higher purpose) and “external” possibilities (e.g.,
4. Possibilities are generated by the coach, the client or a
collaboration of the two.
9. Helping the client create and use supportive systems and
Helping the client identify and build the relationships, tools,
systems and structures he or she needs to advance and sustain
The client is confident and secure in moving forward, knowing
that resources are available or can be created.
1. The coach suggests possible support systems and
structures appropriate to the client’s needs.
2. The coach prompts the client to identify support
systems and structures the client has but is not utilizing
3. The coach assists the client to identify areas in which
the client feels a need for support and structure.
4. The client understands the value of appropriate
5. The client’s progress toward their goals or intentions is
© 2007- 2011 International Association of Coaching.
All use, reproduction, distribution and modification of these
materials is subject to the terms and conditions of the license.
1.5 MOTIVATIONAL INTERVIEWING
Motivational interviewing aims at helping coachees to explore
their reasons to change.
Motivational interviewing involves (Miller & Rollnick, 1991):
- Expressing empathy
Motivational interviewing consists of more listening and less
- Developing discrepancy
Focus the patient’s attention on discrepancy:
‘I like my present situation and way of living, but I know I will
need a job to sustain myself and I hate the hassles with my
- Raising awareness:
‘How do you see the connection between your present situation
and the tensions inside the family?
The coachee, and not the coach, is encouraged to argue for
- Rolling with resistance
Try not to provide solutions. Provide opportunity for the
coachee to identify solutions - sometimes with your help).
If the coach resists, this may be an indication that you are taking
a wrong approach.
- Helping the coachee consider issues from other perspectives.
- ask the coachee’s view of your findings.
- Ask them what they think the view of a significant other
might be etc.
- Supporting self-efficacy
The coachee’s confidence in their ability to implement and
sustain changed behaviour will influence whether or not they
attempt and persist with efforts to change.
1.5.3 GUIDELINES FOR MOTIVATIONAL
Explore positive and negative consequences
Provide opportunity to explore the coachee’s specific
Use reflective listening and summaries to understand and
Elicit self-motivational statements:
‘What are the things you like and don’t like about your …?’
‘What have other people said about your …?’
‘What makes you think you might need to change?’
Help the coachee decide whether to change:
‘Where does this leave you now?’
‘What does this mean for your …?’
imposing a label on them
telling them what they must do
trying to break down denial with confrontation
It should never feel as though you are confronting the
coachee. Instead, it should feel the both of you are
confronting the problem(s) together.
1.5.4 BRIEF MOTIVATIONAL INTERVIEWING
Brief motivational interviewing and opportunistic interventions
are well researched (Rollnick et al., 1999).
Two factors are central:
- Importance — e.g. some think it is important to change, but are
not clear how they can do it
- Confidence — e.g. some are confident they can change, but it is
not important to them
Brief motivational interviewing consists of the following eight
1. Scaling questions
Ask questions such as:
‘On a scale of 0–5 how important is it for you to achieve this
‘On a scale of 0–5 how confident are you about reaching this
You can use scaling to help quickly identify the most important
areas to work on.
You can then use this information:
‘Why is it so high?’ (Even if a ‘1’: ‘Why isn’t it a zero?’)
‘What will help keep you at this level?’
‘What will help you move higher?’
‘How high does it have to be before you make an attempt to
‘What can I do to help?’
2. Exploring importance
‘What are the benefits of your present situation?’
‘What are some of the less good things?’
‘Where does that leave you now?’
4. Building confidence
‘In the past, what has been helpful when you have tried to …?’
‘Is there anything you can learn from these past attempts?’
‘Is there anything you can learn from other people’s attempts to
5. Exchanging information
How you share information and your expertise is important.
‘How much do you already know about …?’
‘Some people find that …how about you?’
‘How do you see the connection between …. and your
‘Is there anything more you’d like to know about …?’
6. Reducing resistance
Understand what causes the resistane that the coachee is
The coachee may be holding on to an existing situation, no
matter how bad it is, because at least, they are familiar with it
and they are afraid of how changing to a new situation will
affect their lives.
Or they may have the feeling that you are pushing them and are
taking over control over their life.
Whenever the coachee seems to get nowhere , hesitates to make
decisions or take action:
Slow down and express empathy, especially about the
difficulty of changing.
Emphasise personal choice and control.
Don’t try to provide solutions — invite the coachee to re-
confirm his goals and to collaborate in providing a solution.
The onus is then on him, not you, to make a decision to
Build up confidence by encouraging him take small steps
and achieve small successes.
Challenge any irrational fears, beliefs and convictions that
you discover : Use the ABCDE Coaching model (2.5.1),
Practise the questions about confronting fear (3.2)
Learn about dealing with obstacles and resistance (4.2)
Redefine fear (4.34)
Examples of coachees expressing feelings of resistance:
I don’t know why I did it. Looks like I just keep repeating the
same mistakes all over. I guess that’s how I am, I just can't help
What exactly stopped you from using the correct approach?
How did doing this make you feel?
I know it’s wrong to …., but I just can’t decide to …
It sounds as though something is blocking you from …
What is the worst thing that could happen if ….
Ahh, never mind: I guess I was born stupid, never learned a
thing and probably will die stupid!
Maybe, but do you remember what exactly kept you from …
That's a hard one.
You don't have to go into all the details, but can you give me
the gist of it?
What do I care?
It sounds as though you've lost interest all of a sudden.
I really don't know what happened back then.
It must be hard, having to remember those things.
I am confused and don’t know what to do anymore: one person
says one thing, another something else and whatever I try,
things seem to always turn out wrong for me.
It's always good to get advice from other people, but it
doesn't make it any easier to choose a solution that really
Serious problem? Oh well, I don’t really see this as a problem. I
have learned to live with it, you know.
If that is what you want, then that is good. But I do
remember there is a reason why you came to see me.
The world is such a mess, there's not much I can do.
That's true, but how about starting with your own
Oh no, don't start all that again. Why can't we give it a rest?
It sounds like something is still troubling you.
I didn't do the homework, just didn't get round to it.
Looks like it is hard to do the tasks we agreed to. What is
really stopping you from doing them?
In spite of the fact that the coachee knows he is in trouble and
has come to see you about it, he isn't always motivated to really
work on his problems.
He can also get discouraged in the course of the sessions.
It is up to you then to motivate him again by encouraging him to
look at it from different angles.
Here are some motivating sentences that you could use,
followed by some examples:
What would encourage you?
What would swing you into action?
What inner resources could possibly strengthen your will
How could you speed things up?
How much time do you allocate yourself?
The sooner you start, the quicker you can reach your goal.
We could go over everything again, but how about 'starting'
Every journey starts with the first step.
Sometimes you need to just grin and bear it, and go on.
Despite all this coaching, I give up. I just can't make it through
I think you've come a long way, hold on. Let's look at what
we can come up with to make it through the coming week.
What do you think you need for that?
Nice plans we've made, but I just don't seem to be able to carry
What's holding you back?
I keep forgetting!
How can you stop yourself from forgetting?
Write things on a piece of paper and put it on the back of the
door, so I see it before I leave the house.
That's a good idea. Here's a piece of paper...
I want to quit school because I don't think I will ever graduate.
Maybe, but you've studied hard for four years. You only
have a few more months to go. Actually you are virtually
there and now you want to throw away four years, just like
Bit of a waste, eh?
It's your choice to throw away four years of effort.
I'm scared to death I will flunk.
So it's very important to you that you make it.
Yes, I didn't put in four years for nothing.
What would motivate you to go for it those last few months?
8. Summarise and invite action
We have discussed a number of issues…” + name them!
“Which issue is most important to you at this moment?”
‘What do you think you should do about …?’
“What will be your First step?”
“What will you do now?”
“How could you overcome this problem?”
1.5.5 R E A D S – MOTIVATIONAL INTERVIEWING
Roll with resistance
Don’t confront head on. Explore reasons behind resistance.
Provide information; explore alternatives; involve the other.
Attitude of acceptance and respect; Reflective listening without
judging, criticizing or blaming.
Focus instead on helping the person with self-recognition of
Motivation for change is created when we perceive a
discrepancy between our behavior and important personal
YOU CAN DO IT!
(Based on Mason, 1997).
Source: The Art of Counselling / De Kunst van het Counselen
© Copyright Owner: Academy for Counselling and
Coaching - The Netherlands - Paul van Schaik
1.5.6 RULES OF MOTIVATION
1. Set a major, fixed goal, but follow a flexible path which has
mini-goals that go in many directions.
2. Finish what you start
3. Socialize with others of similar interest. If we associate with
losers, we will be losers.
4. Learn how to learn. Once we learned the art of self-
education, we will find – if not create – opportunities to build
5. Harmonize natural talent with talent that motivates. Natural
talent creates motivation, motivation creates persistence,
persistence gets the job done.
6. Increase knowledge of subjects that inspire. The more we
know about a subject, the more we want to learn about it.
7. Take Risk: Failure and bouncing back are elements of
motivation. Failure is a learning tool.
avoid pain /
SEVEN RULES OF MOTIVATION REVISITED
#1 Set a major goal, but follow a path.
The path has mini goals that go in many
directions. When you learn to succeed at
mini goals, you will be motivated to
challenge grand goals.
#2 Finish what you start. A half
finished project is of no use to
anyone. Quitting is a habit. Develop
the habit of finishing self-motivated
#3 Socialize with others of similar
interest. Mutual support is motivating.
We will develop the attitudes of our five
best friends. If they are losers, we will be
a loser. If they are winners, we will be a
winner. To be a cowboy we must
associate with cowboys.
#4 Learn how to learn.
Dependency on others for
knowledge supports the habit of
procrastination. Man has the ability
to learn without instructors. In fact,
when we learn the art of self-
education we will find, if not
create, opportunity to find success
beyond our wildest dreams.
#5 Harmonize natural talent with
interest that motivates. Natural talent
creates motivation, motivation creates
persistence and persistence gets the job
#6 Increase knowledge of
subjects that inspires. The more
we know about a subject, the more
we want to learn about it. A self-
propelled upward spiral develops.
#7 Take risk. Failure and bouncing back
are elements of motivation. Failure is a
learning tool. No one has ever succeeded
at anything worthwhile without a string
1.5.7 BASIC PRINCIPLES OF MOTIVATION
Use the environment to focus attention on goals:
Create a warm, accepting yet business-like atmostphere
Use interesting visual aids (booklets, posters, …) or / and
Privileges, receiving praise, rewards ….
Motivation without reward rarely lasts.
Ganas and satisfaction are key elements
Be careful with external rewards, since they may cause a
decline in internal motivation. Internal motivation is
longer lasting and more self-directive than is external
Seeing starts with a hunger
We must be ready for change. The coach’s role is to
encourage the development of this “readiness”
Good organization enhances motivation
Smart goals and Informative, respectful feedback go a long
Does coachee’s motivation come from the inside?
Is coachee fully committed?
Is there a big “REASON WHY” present?
Is the goal SMART, inspiring and attainable?
Is a supportive environment in place?
1.5.8 SELF MOTIVATION AND GOAL
Without self motivation you will not achieve your goals. As the
saying goes, "if it's to be it's down to me".
First, our motivation can only come from inside ourselves. Why?
Because motivation is an internal force that drives individuals to
act in order to achieve a specific goal. Two people might read
the same book, or listen to the same inspirational speaker but
respond differently. One person might feel motivated to act, the
other might not.
Second, you must have a big enough 'reason why' in order to
feel motivated. Your reason why must provide a 'meaningful
motive'. It can be useful to look for a reason that's bigger than
yourself. For example, you may want to earn enough money to
take care of your family - not just yourself. So David McNally's
advice is to dig deep into the truth of what you want. This is why
it's so important to choose goals to which you feel 100%
Third, you need to believe that your goal is attainable. Either
that or your fear must be so great that you will try anyway.
Without this fear or belief self motivation is difficult to maintain.
Given that you probably don't want to live with feelings of
dread, let's take a look at belief. You can start by looking for
evidence within yourself that you can achieve your goal. You can
then back this up by seeking support, mentors and role-models,
either directly or indirectly through books and audios.
Fourth, your environment is an influence on motivation. That's a
key reason why you need to choose your friends and colleagues
carefully. This doesn't have to mean saying goodbye to the
people you know now. But consider whether it would be helpful
to make new contacts. Again, books and audios can be very
supportive when you are looking to new ways of thinking.
Finally, there is a difference between motivation and
inspiration. Inspiration is getting in touch with our human
spirit, whereas motivation is the driving force to move towards
our goal. Inspiration can certainly help self motivation - and we
can look outside ourselves for help with inspiration. So speakers
like David McNally might help us feel inspired. It is then up to us
whether to decide to be motivated to take action to achieve our
1.5.9 GOAL MOTIVATION THEORY
Understanding How To Increase Your Goals Motivation
Key principles of goal motivation theory include the role of pain
and pleasure motives.
Goal motivation theory is based on the idea that all our actions
are based on logical reasons - logical to us at any rate.
If you can understand why you act as you do then you have a
better chance of taking relevant actions that help you achieve
your goals. There are two basic points to understand here: first,
the link between our goals and our motives, and second, the
importance of pain and pleasure motives.
Let's start this review of goal motivation theory by examining
the link between your goals and your motives. Gary Ryan Blair
pictures the anatomy of goals as a triangle. The three points of
the triangle stand for what why and how.
The what is your goal. So let's say that you have a goal to write a
book and get it published by 31 December next.
The why is your motive for getting this book published. Maybe
it's for the money, maybe it's more a question of personal
The how is the method by which you'll achieve the goal. So
you'll need to have a plan for writing the book and a plan for
finding a publisher.
Here's the key point: the why is the most important. Goal
motivation theory says that we only achieve goals to satisfy our
motives. We achieve the what as a means to an end - and that
end is taking care of our why. Gary Ryan Blair suggests that for
every goal we set we need at least three 'why's'. If we don't have
a strong enough list of why's we simply won't have strong
enough motivation to acheive the goal.
So what sort of why might we have in terms of goal motivation
theory? Essentially there are two categories of why: pain and
pleasure. In Awaken The Giant Within. Anthony Robbins says
that "Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to
avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure".
So my suggestion is that you identify the pain and pleasure
associated with any goal you set. In fact, when you write your
goal down, I suggest you also write down your pain and
pleasure motives. Naturally the motives you identify must be
important to you. You can't get motivated for someone else's
Let's continue the example of writing and publishing a book.
Maybe the writer doesn't like life as an employee and thinks
that getting a book published would allow them to leave their
job - thus moving away from the pain. Perhaps also they would
like to move towards the pleasure (as they see it) of seeing their
book in the local bookshop.
Here's one final point on goal motivation theory. Some people
seem to get more drive from moving towards pleasure, and
others from moving away from pain. Generally speaking though,
pain motives appear to be stronger motive for most people.
1.5.10 GENERAL PRINCIPLES OF MOTIVATION
by Matthew Weller, Los Angeles Business Journal, March 14,
Basic principles of motivation exist that are applicable to
learning in any situation.
The environment can be used to focus the student's
attention on what needs to be learned.
Teachers who create warm and accepting yet business-like
atmospheres will promote persistent effort and favorable
attitudes toward learning. This strategy will be successful in
children and in adults. Interesting visual aids, such as
booklets, posters, or practice equipment, motivate learners
by capturing their attention and curiosity.
Incentives motivate learning.
Incentives include privileges and receiving praise from the
instructor. The instructor determines an incentive that is
likely to motivate an individual at a particular time. In a
general learning situation, self-motivation without rewards
will not succeed. Students must find satisfaction in learning
based on the understanding that the goals are useful to them
or, less commonly, based on the pure enjoyment of exploring
Internal motivation is longer lasting and more self-
directive than is external motivation, which must be
repeatedly reinforced by praise or concrete rewards.
Some individuals -- particularly children of certain ages and
some adults -- have little capacity for internal motivation and
must be guided and reinforced constantly. The use of
incentives is based on the principle that learning occurs more
effectively when the student experiences feelings of
satisfaction. Caution should be exercised in using external
rewards when they are not absolutely necessary. Their use
may be followed by a decline in internal motivation.
Learning is most effective when an individual is
ready to learn, that is, when one wants to know something.
Sometimes the student's readiness to learn comes with time,
and the instructor's role is to encourage its development. If a
desired change in behavior is urgent, the instructor may need
to supervised directly to ensure that the desired behavior
occurs. If a student is not ready to learn, he or she may not be
reliable in following instructions and therefore must be
supervised and have the instructions repeated again and
Motivation is enhanced by the way in which the
instructional material is organized.
In general, the best organized material makes the information
meaningful to the individual. One method of organization
includes relating new tasks to those already known. Other
ways to relay meaning are to determine whether the persons
being taught understand the final outcome desired and
instruct them to compare and contrast ideas.
None of the techniques will produce sustained motivation
unless the goals are realistic for the learner. The basic
learning principle involved is that success is more predictably
motivating than is failure. Ordinarily, people will choose
activities of intermediate uncertainty rather than those that
are difficult (little likelihood of success) or easy (high
probability of success). For goals of high value there is less
tendency to choose more difficult conditions. Having learners
assist in defining goals increases the probability that they will
understand them and want to reach them. However, students
sometimes have unrealistic notions about what they can
accomplish. Possibly they do not understand the precision
with which a skill must be carried out or have the depth of
knowledge to master some material.
To identify realistic goals, instructors must be skilled in
assessing a student's readiness or a student's progress
Because learning requires changed in beliefs and
behavior, it normally produces a mild level of anxiety.
This is useful in motivating the individual. However, severe
anxiety is incapacitating. A high degree of stress is inherent in
some educational situations. If anxiety is severe, the
individual's perception of what is going on around him or her
is limited. Instructors must be able to identify anxiety and
understand its effect on learning. They also have a
responsibility to avoid causing severe anxiety in learners by
setting ambiguous of unrealistically high goals for them.
It is important to help each student set goals and to
provide informative feedback regarding progress toward the
Setting a goal demonstrates an intention to achieve and
activates learning from one day to the next. It also directs the
student's activities toward the goal and offers an opportunity
to experience success.
Both affiliation and approval are strong motivators.
People seek others with whom to compare their abilities,
opinions, and emotions. Affiliation can also result in direct
anxiety reduction by the social acceptance and the mere
presence of others. However, these motivators can also lead
to conformity, competition, and other behaviors that may
seem as negative.
Many behaviors result from a combination of
It is recognized that no grand theory of motivation exists.
However, motivation is so necessary for learning that
strategies should be planned to organize a continuous and
interactive motivational dynamic for maximum effectiveness.
The general principles of motivation are interrelated. A single
teaching action can use many of them simultaneously.
Finally, it should be said that an enormous gap exists between
knowing that learning must be motivated and identifying the
specific motivational components of any particular act.
Instructors must focus on learning patterns of motivation for
an individual or group, with the realization that errors will be
MOTIVATION FACTORS AND STRATEGIES, BY TIME PERIOD
BEGINNING, DURING, AND ENDING
1. BEGINNING: When learner enters and starts learning
ATTITUDES: Toward the environment, teacher, subject
matter, and self
NEEDS: The basic need within the learner at the time of
-- Make the conditions that surround the subject positive.
-- Positively confront the possibly erroneous beliefs,
expectations, and assumptions that may underlie a negative
-- Reduce or remove components of the learning environment
that lead to failure or fear.
-- Plan activities to allow learners to meet esteem needs.
2. DURING: When learner is involved in the body or main
content of the learning process.
STIMULATION: The stimulation processes affecting learner
during the learning experience.
AFFECT: The emotional experience of the learner while
-- Change style and content of the learning activity.
-- Make learner reaction and involvement essential parts of
the learning process, that is, problem solving, role playing,
-- Use learner concerns to organize content and to develop
themes and teaching procedures.
-- Use a group cooperation goal to maximize learner
involvement and sharing.
3. ENDING: When learner is completing the learning process.
COMPETENCE: The competence value for the learner that is a
result of the learning behaviors.
REINFORCEMENT: The reinforcement value attached to the
learning experience, for the learner.
-- Provide consistent feedback regarding mastery of learning.
-- Acknowledge and affirm the learners' responsibility in
completing the learning task.
-- When learning has natural consequences, allow them to be
-- Provide artificial reinforcement when it contributes to
successful learning, and provide closure with a positive
1.6 THE COACHING CONVERSATION
Points of special interest during coaching
1. Practise Active Listening
Active listening is extremely important. That is why it is treated
in more detail further in this book.
Active listening is necessary
- to find out what the coachee’s real needs are
- to understand his reality and his emotions
- to know what is motivating him and what is holding him back
To the coachees, the coach listening actively to them proves that
they are taken seriously as a person and that the coach is
making efforts to understand their situation.
Contrary to what some think, active listening does not stop at
listening and creating rapport by nodding and humming, but
* repeating and summarizing the message,
* acknowledging the qualities shown (e.i.:Who they have to be
* acknowledge the feelings expressed and the reasons for these
* probing for background information,
* checking the quality of the communication,
Typical expressions related to active listening are:
- If I understand correctly, you think that …
- So, what you are saying is …
- If you think …, then I can see why this situation makes you
- I understand why you are so ….
- Wow, I want to acknowledge the courage / maturity /
persistence / … you have shown in speaking up to … /
in taking this initiative … / in working so long …
- In reply to a statement, ask : how do you know?
- In reply to “I must”:
what would happen if you don’t?
- In reply to “I cannot”: what is stopping you?
- In reply to “nothing, all, always, never …”:
ask to think of exceptions
- If you don’t know what to answer, ask: “Why do you say that?”
2. Be empathic and supportive
Empathy adds extra depth to the quality of the communication.
Active listening already is a way of being empathic. Other ways
for showing deeper empathy are:
Reflecting the coachee’s emotions
Show that you not only understand how the other’s point of
view and his emotions, but reflect his emotions to prove that
you are genuinely interested in the impact the situation has on
- How does it all seem to you now?
- How does this make you feel?
- I can see this situation is making you suffer
- I understand this makes you feel desperate and betrayed
Showing your support without telling the other what to do:
- Ask: “What could be done to make things better?”
- I will help you in any way I can to overcome this setback
What the coachee needs to learn or do is:
- Set correct and smart goals
- Concentrate on one goal at the time
- Plan good action steps
- Proceed towards their goal with enhanced commitment
- Deal with setbacks and celebrate successes
3. Be congruent (authentic)
Congruence or congruity, also referred to as authenticity or
wholeness, is the result of being unconditionally accepted. If a
child is accepted only on the condition that they behave in ways
that comply with their parents’ standards, than the influence of
the parents will deform the self-image of the child and the child
will behave in a way that does not necessarily correspond with
how they really are.
Lack of wholeness leads to faking: differences between the
visible reactions and behaviour of a person and his inner
feelings and experiences. A person may feel frustrated, but
claim he is feeling perfectly happy and satisfied.
If a coachee feels the coach is not congruent, chances are that
- not feel at ease
- encounter difficulties themselves in expressing honestly what
- feel more vulnerable and insecure themselves
- may fear hidden judgments
- may feel they are not truly accepted as they are
If, on the other hand, the coachee feels his coach is congruent,
- feel they enjoy an authentic contact with their coach
- feel “connected” with the coach: heard, accepted and
- evaluate the communication as more honest and more clear
- find it more easy to express themselves openly and honestly
A congruent person is a committed person, who is “present” in
his relationships and in all he does and says. He’s lived a real
life to become real. He will react honestly and openly to every
new element in the communication. He will not work with
hidden agendas. He will prioritize inner values to external
standards and expectations
4. Be positive
There is no such thing as failure: defeat is nothing but education.
It is the first step to something better. Falling is not the end, as
long as you get on your feet again and continue the journey.
The power of positivity is such that some lifestyle-gurus
recommend banishing all negativity from our lives. Nothing is
bad to them. At worst, it is “less good”. An approach is never
wrong, but it may be “less successful” or “less promising”. An
answer never wrong, but eventually only “interesting”.
It is my opinion that we must remain honest: bad things do
happen to good people. Malicious people do exist. Moreover, in
a total different perspective, elephants will never fly, no matter
how hard they try.
It helps therefore to be as well informed as possible about our
factual situation and about the road ahead, and to see things in
perspective. This way, we prevent that negative events cause
negative feelings, which in turn cause negative actions leading
to more negative feelings etc…
People’s main limits are their beliefs about what is possible for
them. Watch for processes that violate semantic well-
formedness. Challenge any irrational fears, beliefs and
convictions that you discover. Insist on being specific when they
express themselves in general terms or use universal quantifiers
(all, every, never, always…). Challenge them to think deeper
when they use modal operators of necessity or possibility
(should, shouldn’t, must, can’t, won’t…)
- What, how, who, about what,… specifically?
- Surely you do not really mean “always”: there might be some
- What would happen if you did / didn’t
- What exactly is stopping you from …
In stead of allowing ourselves to go along in negative stories and
risk slipping into a negative spiral, we must make the necessary
time to relax; to detach and look at things from a distance; to
think about, plan, do and share experiences that enhance our
Small actions help to avoid entering - or to curb - a negative
- Avoid negative language, reframe sentences that sound
Don’t get depressed about it
I can understand why you feel
It’s all your fault
I think both of us may have
contributed to what happened
You’re not good at all at …
How might you be able
to improve …
- Go out with friends, meet people, speak with people, call
your mother or friend
- Give yourself a treat (one Belgian chocolate per day …):
Take that subscription you have been thinking of: go to the
sauna, to the gym, to the swimming pool, to the theatre, to
the movies, to the dance-hall, take a course in …. ,
- Celebrate your successes: reward yourself for things you
bring to a good end.
- Go to bed in time
- Book a city trip, plan a vacation, drive to the beach next
- Spread positivity: smile when addressing somebody, give
more (sincere) compliments, thank people for little things
they do for you, acknowledge positive actions by others, …
- Finish any unsolved business that is bugging you
- Make a new commitment or keep an old one that you have
5. Be acceptive: be respectful, don’t moralize, don’t
Show coachees you accept them as they are: unique human
beings with their own standards, values and feelings. Give them
your full and undivided attention.
Acknowledge what they say. Show you are on their side. Give
them the benefit of the doubt. Praise and celebrate progress.
State the qualities they showed, that is: WHO they have to be for
having accomplished the action or having achieved the
Example: Say “I want to acknowledge the courage / the
persistence / the creativity you’ve shown in completing /
executing / handling … In spite of ….”
It doesn’t help to stick labels to people’s thoughts or behavior. It
doesn’t help to call coaches “lazy, uncommitted or uninterested”
when no progress has been made since the last meeting, nor to
tell them they are handling things wrong. Instead, discover the
resistance or obstacles that caused the setback by asking
questions: find out why things are the way they are, how they
feel about it, what is slowing them down.
Also, remember: coaching is not about your success, but about
the coachee’s! Nobody gives a damn about how good you are,
until they know how much you care!
6. Don’t offer advice, ready made answers or easy
A lot of people are sick of being told what to do and how to do it.
They do not want to hear “This is just a phase they are going
through”, or that they do not have to care because “things could
be a lot worse” or “everything will fall in its right place.”
If they did not care, they would not have come to you in the first
place. The mere fact that they want you to coach them is a clear
indication that they feel they need support to define and/or
realize their dreams. They have a story to tell that they may feel
is not listened to and taken serious.
So what they basically want from you is not that you tell them
what to do, but that you listen to them and help them find out
7. Don’t enter into discussion
“Pushing back a wave only creates a bigger wave.” Arguments
are never really won. Instead of arguing, try to find out what
causes this behaviour. There may be an elephant in the room,
an obstacle that has not yet been named or dealt with properly.
8. Monitor the balances
An important balance is the one between reason, emotion and
People cannot function properly if they are out of balance.
Knowledge (reason, thinking), Feelings and Actions (behaviour)
concerning specific subjects or situations must be in balance;
otherwise people will be unable to undertake the right actions.
Typically, what we hear then is that they know something is
important, but could not force themselves to take the right
action because they lacked the necessary energy, or were too
angry; and then decided that the matter might not have been all
that important or urgent after all.
Restoring the balance, also called “centering”, requires being
aware of the dissonance. Pointing out what is happening and
asking the right questions or exploring the emotions involved
will lead to the required shift in balance.
Another balance is required for functional communication:
Every interaction should also involve three parts: “me”, “you”
and “the context”. If one of these three is left out, the
communication becomes dysfunctional. Again, asking the right
questions will help to restore the balance.
The work – life balance is the third balance that requires
What is the use of achieving your goal if somewhere along the
road you lose all that you value: your health, your family, your
friends, your joy of life, …?
1.7 THE STRUCTURE OF COACHING
1.7.1 ASSESSMENT / INTAKE SESSION
The assessment conversation serves to collect important
- Why did coachee contact us?
- What is coachee’s present situation? (life story, background,
private and professional situation)
- What is coachee expecting from us? Now / medium term /
- Is there a concrete goal he or she has been trying to achieve?
What has been tried before?
- Is there a concrete, identifiable challenge where coaching can
make a difference?
- What is coachee’s attitude toward coaching?
- What is choachee’s motivation for change?
- Is coachee manifesting self-defeating behavior? (aggression,
fear, irrational thoughts, …)
- To what extent will it be possible to engage in a professional
At the same time, it allows us to:
- Inform coachee about what he can expect from us
Listen to him in a respectful and non judgmental
Confidentiality; honest and open communication
Support to help coachees set correct goals
Help coachees to plan good action strategies
Help them find their own solutions
Manage progress and accountability
- Inform coachee about our method of working:
Structure of sessions
What is needed (pen, paper, …)
Handouts / notes
- Clarify what coaching is and what not.
- Explain administrative formalities :
Coaching contract + explain what services offered
Number of sessions scheduled / rules for late and
Terms of payment
1.7.2 EXAMPLE OF AN ASSESSMENT-SESSION
Assessment Flow Chart
1. Preparation – environment
3. Introduce yourself
4. Clarify what coaching is
5. Find out coachee’s needs
6. Build a relationship based on mutual trust
7. Explain structure and content of individual sessions and of
8. Agree on coaching procedure and progress
9. Wrap up: evaluation of the session
1. Create warm, accepting, yet business-like atmosphere.
Use interesting visual aids (pictures, posters, booklets, …)
2. Good morning, Mr. / Ms X, please come in and be seated.
Remember: Incentives like privileges, receiving praise and
rewards motivate. Motivation without rewards rarely lasts.
3. I am …
Have you found the address easily?
May I offer you something to drink?
4. What are you hoping to achieve from coaching?
Do you know what a coach does?
What kind of coach do you need?
What do you expect from a coach?
Coaches help people:
Help people set better goals and then reach those goals.
Ask their coachees to do more than they would have
done on their own.
Focus their coachees better to produce results more
Provide the tools, support and structure to accomplish
more and overcome blocks
5. Mr. X, can you tell me what motivated you to appeal to a
Do you have prior experiences with coaching?
What do you expect from me?
What kind of coachee can I count on you to be?
How do you envision a coaching session?
What would happen during a good session?
How much work should be done inbetween sessions?
Who is responsible for completing homework?
What should happen if that person does not do what he or
she committed to?
How often and for how long will we meet?
What techniques will work when we hit a rough patch?
How will we know when it is time to end the coaching
6. In order to be able to assist you, I will need some personal
information about you. I assure you that these data, just
like all what will be said amongst us, will remain between
the two of us and will be treated with the utmost
7. For personal coaching I offer a package which starts with a
series of four coaching sessions. Each session will last 30
minutes to an hour. I charge 50 € per session. Sessions are
payable in advance, either by cash or electronic bank
If, after these four sessions, you decide you would like to
engage on a joined journey of change, we will agree a series
of sessions to suit you. The first session will be face to face.
Future sessions can be face to face or by telephone,
depending on what works best for you.
Apart from a personalized guidance, tailored to your
specific needs, I also offer a variety of coaching packages for
small groups, of 2 to 5 people. This offers you the
possibility of sharing the costs. The packages consist of a
one hour coaching session per week, or per fortnight, at a
reduced price of 30 € per session per person.
Package type A: is a series of intensive packages of 6
Subjects available are “Managing Change”,
“Managing Conflict”, “Problem Solving”, “Decision Making”
and “Anger Management”.
Package type B: are more in depth packages of 10 sessions.
At present I offer an “Effectivity Training” and a “Mediation
8. What did you think of our conversation?
How do you feel about it?
Before we go any further, do you have any concerns or
questions you want to talk about right now?
Please do not hesitate if you have any further questions
1.7.3 PROBLEM ANALYSIS AND STRATEGY
Example of a problem-analysis & strategy planning session
Flow chart of a current session
1. Preparation – environment
3. Exploration problem area
4. Exploration of emotions
5. Identifying problems
6. Exploration of problems
7. Exploration of possible goals (short, medium & long term)
8. Identifying goals
9. Exploration of resources (who or what is / can be of help?)
10. Exploration of obstacles
(what is stopping you from reaching your goal?)
11. Exploration of options (which routes are available?)
12. Redaction of Action Plan
1. Create warm, accepting, yet business-like atmosphere.
Use interesting visual aids (pictures, posters, booklets, …)
2. Welcome back. Come on in and have a seat.
How are you feeling today?
Last time we talked about …
How did you feel after our meeting?
Do you have questions about our last meeting?
Did you learn anything new from it?
Has our meeting helped you in any way?
Remember: Incentives like privileges, receiving praise,
rewards, … motivate. Motivation without rewards rarely
3. Explore problem area:
I suggest that we have a closer look at your present situation