Manifesto: Canada Cat by Bassam Imam - HTML preview

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MANIFESTO: CANADA CAT JEFF

I finally found my opportunity! That little creepy cat Toby Matheson was my ‘passageway’ out of the stinking ISLE OF HELL! I’d spent GOD knows how long surrounded by molten lava, unable to plan any king of an escape, even an imaginary one in my beautiful head. Mind you, I’m not exaggerating. My head really is beautiful. Many a girls have said that.

Many drop dead gorgeous women were lucky enough to be my ‘special ladies’ for the night. Of those countless women a good proportion of them were married. That made ‘our escapade’ even more enjoyable. But some, even after I’d made it clear to them that it was only a ‘passing act’ fell in love with me. I didn’t like that at all! Here they are married and all, having an affair with an incredible guy like ‘Jeff’ and they expected me to somehow forget all those other women and marry them. Mind you, I never had any pity for them or their foolish husbands. Any man whose wife cheats on him on a regular basis is just that, ‘a fools’ fool’. So help me ... I’ll never be that stupid!

As Toby Matheson was making his way out of the ISLE OF HELL I picked up the sound of his paws treading away. Naturally, he didn’t know that I had an eye and an ear on him. I knew that because he’d appeared in a flash, he’d also leave in a flash. He was inconsiderate to not offer me an escape. Perhaps he thought that I was indeed guilty of raping, or should I say gang-raping Cynthia Corbett.

No way! Neither I, nor my buddies had anything to do with that kind of an act. We gave Cynthia Corbett exactly what she wanted and desired. A handsome jock like ‘Jeff’ would never stoop down to raping a naive woman. Jeff can have any woman that he ever desires; he’s certainly drop dead gorgeous, drop dead handsome, extremely delightful, very superbly cute, multitalented, outrageously athletic, brilliantly intelligent, and extra-ordinarily gifted. Yes, indeed, that’s me, Jeff ... the incredible Jeff.

Like a predator on a hunt I stealthily followed Toby to a white cloud roughly a hundred feet high and of the same width. Its bottom touched the ground, but ever so softly. This my friend, made it quite easy for a cat or a human to enter through.

Somehow, the cloud eliminated the horror of the molten lava surrounding my enclosure. It was like it no longer existed. Not that I’m complaining or anything.

As Toby approached the white cloud I made certain not to be too close as to alert him, but at the same time I was desperate to leave the ISLE OF HELL! It was a GODFORSAKEN place that nobody deserved to live in, especially someone like yours truly.

As soon as Toby entered the cloud I counted to three and then entered behind him. The cloud was a gaseous-looking entity that almost appeared to be alive. However, at the moment my mind was fixated on a bigger problem.

Toby walked through the cloud then entered through some kind of a doorway. I froze in anticipation then waited for an entire minute. Meanwhile, the cloud was suspended in time and place. Still, I had to be patient and upbeat. Anything was better than my previous home. This was a horrible home that Cynthia Corbett and Corey Jameson had sent me to. I had big plans for both of them. Each would regret being part of the conspiracy against Jeff.

After waiting for a minute, I hesitatingly entered through the doorway. Not knowing what to expect was enough to give me the jitters.

As soon as I entered the doorway I got the shock of my life! What I saw before my eyes was an endless hallway with doorways aligned on one side. There was no telling how many doorways were there but the hallway’s end was well beyond my scope of vision.

This was the first time that I noticed the shabbiness of my person. It had been ages since I’d used soap, shampoo, or any chemical cleaners on my clothing.

I scanned the hall and then turned around to see the other side of the hallway. I could barely see a change in form. There was something other than doorways in the place I was in. I immediately took the opportunity to investigate the matter.

I slowly walked to the other end of the hallway. Thankfully, I wasn’t too far from the first doorway. Otherwise, I would’ve had to enter another doorway not knowing what to expect.

It took me a short while to arrive at my intended destination. It was the juncture between the first doorway and what appeared to be the inside of a gargantuan medieval castle. Furthermore, I scented food nearby.

I decided to follow my nose to the source of the food. For GOD knows how long I was forced to live on a diet of fruits, veggies, and plant extracts. Thankfully, the food I ate was full of nutrients but not enough for a full-grown man like Jeff. I needed more variety! I craved meat, breads and cereals, dairy products, alcohol, caffeine, sweets, nice clean water, money, freedom, entertainment, and women; tons of women!

As I was walking towards the source of food, I came across a giant restroom on my right. The door was open so I invited myself in.

As soon as I entered the restroom I took notice of a large sink, clean towels, a shower stall, and stacks of toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss containers, shampoo bottles, soap bars, mouthwash, and a giant closet full of all sorts of articles of clothing. Eureka! I’d hit a jackpot!

Although I was famished the feeling of cleanliness and freshness is always comfortable prerequisite to eating. I never liked eating in a state of sweatiness.

I stripped down and then discarded all of my clothing in the waste basket. My clothing was old, ripped, stinky, prison issue. So every time I looked at myself I was reminded that I was a prisoner.

Cynthia Corbett, biggest wench in the world that I’d previously lived in, ensured that I didn’t receive a fair trial. The judge was a woman like Cynthia therefore, they conspired against me. I would never forgive any woman for what I had to go through. Mind you, I wasn’t going to harm every woman in the world. Not that I could if I wanted to. But, I would certainly harm those who reminded me of Cynthia, or any of those recalcitrant ones.

I leaped into the shower stall, turned on the water and then enjoyed the shower of my life. Everything went fine for my long shower. I must have taken an hour or so. No pain for me; I wasn’t paying for the water bill.

As soon as I finished my shower I dried up, combed my hair, stared at my beautiful reflection in the mirror, combed my hair, and then went to the restroom closet. I chose the best articles of clothing all to my heart’s delight. It was then that I took serious notice of the incredible restroom that I was in. Gosh it was as large as an average North American living room!

Furthermore, the paint was ‘masculine brown’, wall-to-wall carpeting, containing incredibly large sink with polished silver faucets, a large class fridge, and a ceiling fan that prevented mould build-up.

After I’d freshened up I cautiously opened the fridge door. Therein were stacks of bottled water. It was like they were waiting for Jeff to pluck them out. Naturally, I took three bottles, opened each up and then guzzled down the contents. I felt refreshed, but was still very hungry. It was now time to leave the restroom and follow the scent of food.

Not to be a litter bug, I tossed the empty bottles into the waste basket. A passing thought entered my mind: who maintains this place? It was too large and ‘polished up’ to naturally clean itself. Or, maybe I was in a supernatural palace. Although there were modern amenities and gadgets therein, the basic architecture was that of an old English castle. Mind you, I wasn’t complaining. Besides, I was famished. It was now time to eat!

I exited the restroom then, like a bloodhound following a trail I walked towards the scent of food.
Thankfully, it didn’t take long for me to find the source. I came by a large dining room with food on ‘my table’ closest to the entrance. Before my eyes was a plate that contained a fully garnished burger, a giant batch of fries, a bowl of salad, a hefty slice of lemon meringue pie, a small bottle of chocolate milk, a 1 litre bottle of pop, a bowl of sugar, a basket of cream a cup of tea and a large teapot.
I entered what appeared to be a first class dining room; something suited only for successful executives and other big shots.
I approached my table, scanned the area for possible dangers. I mean, look, it could’ve been some kind of trap. Jeff must always be on the alert. Being so incredibly good-looking, many people have always been envious of me. I don’t blame them.
I sat down and then began to eat my delicious food. For some odd reason I felt that someone was watching me. Therefore, I scanned the area but found nothing suspicious. It was then that I assumed it was only my imagination. After all, I’d just left THE ISLE OF HELL. I was there for GOD knows how long.
It took me over a half an hour to finish my meal. Afterwards, I got up and then walked to the restroom.
As soon as I entered the restroom I took a deep breath and then realized my incredible luck. I had it all! This castle was my refuge. But, I certainly couldn’t stay inside it continuously for the rest of my life. I had to get out into the real world. Besides, I had to find Cynthia Corbett at all costs! This time I would make her love me. She betrayed my trust, made false accusations, and behaved like a total bitch in court. Before marrying Cynthia I would certainly have to punish her severely for her atrocious misbehaviour.
I brushed, flossed, and then washed my hands and face with soap and water. After drying up with a clean red towel beside me I exited the restroom with the thought of finding an exit ... an exit to the castle. I had to find out where I was. But first, I needed to get a few winks. On my way to the dining room I passed by numerous bedrooms. I took several steps out of the dining room and then entered a large bedroom containing everything that I could ever ask for; a king-sized bed, beautiful wall-to-wall carpeting, chandeliers and three lamps, a large screen television set, stereo system, air conditioning, a study desk, and a large bookshelf containing books from various subjects. I disrobed and then dove right into my bed.
Although there was a clock beside my bed I didn’t set the alarm. There was no reason to cut my sleep. I had to rest up for the coming days or years if need be. Finding Cynthia would probably take much work; if I’d only known the future.
I slept like a baby for roughly 14 hours. During my long sleep I had numerous dreams. The theme in each one of them involved Cynthia. At first she resisted me, but in the end she caved in; she fell in love with me.
Upon awakening I decided to roam through the medieval castle. After all, it was to be my sanctuary and secret home. If things ever got bad in one dimension, I could return to the castle and then enter another dimension. This was truly an incredible deal. But would I find Cynthia in one of the dimensions? Or was there something else about this castle that I didn’t know? My roaming would enable me to see and hear more of the castle.
I roamed through my floor and then walked to the elevators. After pressing the ‘UP’ button a flash of fear struck me like a dagger in the heart. If the elevator malfunctioned while I was in it who would come to my rescue? No way! I turned back and walked to the nearest stairwell.
I ascended one level up and then strolled through the hallway. Like the other floors in the castle it was beautiful but a tad bit different.
I strolled through the floor for roughly half an hour before coming across a large study room. As I entered the study room I took notice of the dozens of bookshelves aligned in straight rows.
I browsed through several books before deciding to read a Dracula novel. I spent several hours engulfed in ‘Dracula’. Although I wanted to read a Frankenstein novel there was no time. Besides, I’d already finished one novel. For most people that is more than enough in one sitting.
Now, it was time to leave the castle. But how would I do that. I sat in place for fifteen minutes trying to figure out the answer to that question. Then, eureka! I decided to descend to the lower levels. Most likely, the exit was on the lower levels as in other castles.
I exited the study room and then walked straight to the nearest stairwell. After taking a deep breath I began my descent to the lower floors.
After descending ten floors I decided to check and see where I was at. In all my excitement I forgot to look out of one of the windows.
I briskly walked to a bedroom nearby, entered it, and then approached the window. To my utter shock, I was on the ground floor!
I exited the bedroom and then calculated the shortest route to the exit. I ended up walking through the hallway for a good one hundred yards. That’s when I saw the door located in the facade of the castle.
I had to descend ten steps to reach the door. After bracing myself and taking a very deep breath I pushed through the castle door and then took a good look at what was out there.
Before my eyes was a treaded pathway. A light fog engulfed the entire area. But the fact that it was a treaded pathway meant that others have walked it. Indeed, the pathway led to a final destination, perhaps a town or a city.
Just in front of the exit was a dome shaped canopy made of cement. It was several feet long.
Although I wanted to begin my earnest trek I decided to return to re-enter the castle for a few drinks. I was craving booze. It’d been way too long since I had a drink. No doubt, there would be plenty of it in a medieval-like castle.
I entered the castle and then strolled through the hallway. I figured that there was at least one bar on each floor and a supply room in the cellar.
I descended the stairwell cautiously, making sure not to slip. My mind was fixated on booze. And with the memory of booze came the memory of Cynthia. After my buddies and I made love to Cynthia in the fraternity house I thought about her every time I drank. In essence, the booze brought back the memory of that night. If it hadn’t been for that little squirt Corey Jameson I’d probably be married to Cynthia. I would’ve never been imprisoned, and perhaps I would’ve been a father. Anyway, although I knew that deep down Cynthia loved me I still had to punish her for being a back-stabbing, lying wench. Afterwards, we could tie the knot and live happily ever after.
As I descended the stairwell I began to detect the scent of wine. Each step that I took intensified the scent that much more. Instantly, I became elated!
As soon as I entered the cellar, I took notice of numerous wine bottles aligned in row after row. In addition, there was beer, champagne, wine coolers, and hard liquor in the cellar.
Instantly, I dashed to the wine collection, snatched a couple of bottles of red wine then placed them on my table. Afterwards, I managed to bring back a bottle of champagne, vodka, and gin, three draft beers (in large glasses), a six pack of grape flavoured wine coolers, two chopped up limes, a handful of cherries, peach and apple schnapps, and a 2 litre bottle of caffeinated, diet pop.
As soon as I sat down a disturbing thought entered my mind. It was bad enough that I wasn’t drinking with my buddies, but how could I drink all of the booze and the pop in front of me when they were contained in numerous bottles and glasses of draft beer?
I scanned the area with beads of sweat streaming down the sides of my cheeks. That’s how badly I needed to drink.
Alas! I found a giant goblet! It was mine for the taking! Although I was getting the shakes, I still managed to bring back the giant goblet to my table.
Afterwards, I poured all of the contents into the goblet, including the limes and cherries, and then carefully rocked the goblet forwards and backwards, making sure that it didn’t tip over or fall onto the floor. That would’ve been a waste!
But before I began my drinking escapade I removed all of my clothes. You see, I’ve always loved to get drunk in the nude, especially because it has always reminded me of that special evening that my buddies and I had with Cynthia. We were in the nude and ready, until that creepy Corey ruined everything! Even in the castle vengeance was lurking inside my head. I was to ‘respond’ to Corey’s aggressive acts and also to Cynthia’s. After putting Cynthia back in her place then we could get married.
I drank for four straight hours; not leaving anything in the goblet, even the skins of the limes!
After finishing my drinking escapade I decided to place my head on ‘my table’ and close my eyes for a minute or two. Actually, I had no choice in the matter. I closed my eyes then passed out for a good twelve hours, awakening with a throbbing hangover. Mind you, I AM NOT AN ALCHOLIC! I just love to drink; I’m a ravishing drinker.
I grudgingly walked one level and then went straight to the nearest kitchen.
Upon entering the kitchen I walked to the fridge, opened it, and then took out two large bottles of water. Knowing exactly what to do, I guzzled every single drop of water in each bottle.
Thankfully, that was enough to rehydrate me. Living in a fraternity house taught me a thing or two about rehydration and covering my tracks. But not before I ran down the hallway with a throbbing in my bladder. I must’ve had two or more gallons of liquid therein.
To tell you the truth I almost urinated in my pants; really! Thankfully, I entered one of the restrooms on the floor on time, letting out an unbelievable quantity of urine into the urinal. My bladder was so full its imprint actually bulged out of my clothing. It looked like a giant softball.
After relieving myself and then washing up I decided to leave the castle, but a few seconds later I had a sudden change of heart. There was something about the cellar. But I couldn’t quite remember what because I’d boozed my way out of it.
I went back down to the cellar and this time I looked ‘beyond’ the booze. The cellar was very large but I was under the impression that there was something very valuable therein, or something creepy. What ‘it was I certainly had to find out.
I walked through the cellar and scanned the area in the process eventually finding a secret passageway beside a large keg of beer. I squeezed my way around the keg and then pulled what appeared to be a door open.
Behind the door was a cavernous pathway containing two large rooms. One room was on the left, and the other on the right. I decided to enter the room on the right first.
I scanned the area to make sure that there were no traps, bugs, or rats nearby. After realizing that the coast was clear I opened the door leading to the room on the right. As soon as I entered I took notice of an unusual looking machine. In addition, the scent of money was in the air.
I cautiously approached the machine. When I was close enough to read the instructions I got the shock of my life!

THIS IS A MONEY MAKING MACHINE. JUST TURN THE DIAL FOR THE EXACT CURRENCY THAT YOU WANT. DO NOT BE SHY OR AFRAID. THIS MACHINE IS GUARANTEED TO WORK!

Instantly, I felt my heart and blood pressure rise. If I wasn’t such a fit man I would’ve died of a heart attack. Money! Money! Money! I had it all!

Thankfully, the machine was small and light; in fact it was the size of a calculator. I didn’t need to add ink or paper. At least that appeared to be the case.

I carried the counterfeit machine in my left hand back to the cellar and then gently placed it on the bar counter. Then, I returned to the cavernous pathway. This time I entered the room on the left. Unbeknownst to me I would get the shock of my life.

As soon as I entered the room, which was actually a gigantic chamber of some sort housed countless caskets. Why, I certainly didn’t know. Naturally, the curious cat in every human got the better of me.

I slowly approached the nearest casket and then lifted the lid. To my utter shock, I saw what appeared to be a creature like no other that I’d ever seen. It was perhaps seven feet tall, very massive and muscular, with massive claws and canines. This thing, whatever it was, could easily kill Dracula, Frankenstein, Werewolf, or any zombie (fast or slow moving type).

In addition, the monster appeared very menacing and was very ugly. I assumed that it was dead so I closed the lid. I repeated this action a dozen times and each time I found the same thing; a beast/monster. I was confused about how these beings got there.

Anyway, there was no time to ponder about this matter. I had more important matters at hand. Money is a very powerful and hypnotic calling. The drive for money can be so powerful people have killed, maimed, lied, raped, gone to war, and compromised their own integrity to acquire more of it.

After having my fill of ugly monsters I took a deep breath then wondered to myself why their bodies hadn’t decomposed. All fleshy beings decompose immediately upon death. If left outdoors and unattended, flies will descend upon the dead individual.

After coming back to my senses I left the room and the chamber. Afterwards, I slowly closed the door, hoping that nobody would ever find it.

I ‘carefully’ picked up the money making machine and went upstairs to an isolated room down the hall.
I put the money making machine on a table located underneath a chandelier.
It was then that I noticed the dial had been pre-set to spurt out Canadian dollars. I turned on the machine and then pressed the amount of one million dollars in denominations of twenty. This gizmo looked like it belonged on the USS Enterprise.
Within a flash the money making machine began to spurt out twenty dollar bills faster than the speed of sound.
I searched through the room for a duffle bag or something similar to put my money in. I opted to open the closet.
Thankfully, I was able to snatch a medium-size blue duffle bag and a shoulder bag of the same colour for my other things. I was ecstatic.
As soon as I got my million bucks I piled it into a large mound and then stuffed my duffle bag with delight. Afterwards, I put my money machine inside the duffle bag.
I was now ready to leave the castle. I walked to the castle’s exit then stopped dead cold. I took a few deep breaths scanned both sides of the hall and then left. Even then, I had the creepy feeling that someone was watching me.
I opened the castle door then walked towards the pathway. Although it was a bit foggy I was still able to see where I was going. However, I had no idea where I was.
I continued my trek through the pathway until reaching the end of the fog. Unlike the doorways, the entrance and exit of the castle from the front was a large fog.
I dashed to end of the fog hoping to see a town or a city. Thankfully, I got what I wanted. Before my eyes was a large city. I knew this because the downtown core buildings formed a silhouette a few miles away. I was now a city boy; pure and simple.

Luckily it was mid-day which made it easier to ask for directions from an ‘innocent person’.
I walked less than ten feet out of the fog before I came across a squirrel perched up on a tree branch. Initially, I didn’t take much notice of him so I continued to walk, but then I realized that that was a big mistake. This squirrel was a witness to my exiting the fog. Maybe he’d wonder where I came from. Or worse yet, he’d tell others. I stopped dead cold and then turned back in the direction of the squirrel.
I couldn’t allow a ‘shrimp’ to convey my little secret to anyone. So, I did the best cunning thing. I made the squirrel lower his guard.
“Hey Mr. Squirrel! How are you?”
“I’m fine, sir. You can call me Steven. How are you?”
“I’m fine. You can call me Jeff. Do you want some walnuts? I’ve got a whole bunch of them inside my duffel bag. Just give me a few seconds to get them out.”
I slowly shuffled my feet towards the squirrel and when I was in striking distance I made my move ... SNAP!
I picked up the squirrel off of the ground and then quickly snapped his neck. Afterwards, I scanned the area for witnesses. Thankfully, there was nobody else around.
I tossed the cadaver in some bushes and then walked away as though nothing had happened.
I walked towards the downtown core for two blocks before coming across a beautiful young woman. She was in her late teens, red-haired, green-eyed, freckled, average height, and had a look of desperation; she was looking for Mr. Right. In effect, she was a good target.
I approached her cautiously and with a calculated sense of victory and conquest. Mind you, I didn’t want to physically assault her, I just wanted to get back at her for what Cynthia and Corey had done to me.
“Excuse me, madam I’m passing through this city. Could you please tell me exactly where I am? This area seems kind of familiar but I’m not too sure.
“Indeed, those clustered buildings northeast of us position form the downtown core of Montreal. We are only a few blocks from Lionel Groulx Metro Station.
“Oh my ... I’m in a suburb of Montreal! No wonder it seems quite familiar, like a déjà vu feeling.
“Wait, please don’t leave me! You are so handsome and confident. Sir, you are so muscular, strong, and confident.
Do you have anyone in your life at the moment?”
“No, these days I’m going solo. However, if the right woman comes by I will fall in love with her and marry her; kids will come later, I hope.”
I figured that was a sweet enough line to get her to lower her guard. After all, it had worked in the past.
“Let’s get to know each other first. We can formally introduce ourselves and then go from there.
My name is Jane Burgess. I was born in Montreal. I’m contemplating going to school next year but I’m not sure if I want to leave the province or stay here. I’ll have to make up my mind soon.”
“And my name is Jeff ... just Jeff. I’m known as Jeff by my relatives and friends. I really would like to get to know you. You seem like such a wonderful young woman. Besides, you’re drop dead gorgeous.”
“Oh, you know how to flatter a young woman!
Look, we’re both adults. Do you want to come home with me? I live a few blocks west of here and I do not have a roommate. We can talk, order pizza, watch television, and then see how things go from there.
Now Jeff, how does that sound?”
“That sounds delightful!”
I carefully chose my words to make myself appear as innocent and non-threatening as possible.
“Let’s go right now. But I do want to sit down and talk to you. I always enjoy chatting with a drop dead gorgeous, young woman.”
We walked a short distance before reaching the entrance of a four storey apartment building. It was neither run down nor something from the upper class crust. No problem, I thought. As long as it was safe, clean, and I got what I wanted from Jane everything would be swell.
Jane gave me a big smile and then motioned me to follow her into the apartment building. I did as she requested, not wanting to piss her off before we entered her apartment.
Jane removed her punch card, placed it on the scanner and then opened the front door leading into the apartment building’s lobby.
As soon as we entered I scanned the area for movie cameras. Thankfully, there were only two of them; one aimed at the post office boxes and the other at the manager’s office. Just in case it came down to a drastic action on my part, I would only need to stay clear from those two narrow pathways.
“Jeff, I’m so glad to have seen you. Actually, when we met I was taking a breather from the stresses of life. At the moment that we locked eyes on each other I knew that there was ‘special chemistry’ between us. I’m really happy now!”
“Yes, Jane, it’s incredible! Because I feel the same way as you do. Maybe, if things turn out just right, you and I can become intimate with each other.”
Jane and I took the elevator to the 3rd floor and then I followed her to room #307. Before entering her apartment I scanned the area with my eyes and listened to any peculiar noises. I wanted to get a feel of the place.
The neighbours were very quiet and I could hear faint voices emanating from their apartments. That was a clear warning to me that the walls were thin. Therefore, I’d have to use charm, fake love, and charisma to get what I wanted from Jane; or from any other woman for that matter. There could be no shouting or screaming between us. Furthermore, I was still a newbie in this particular dimension. The last thing that I wanted at the time was to draw attention to myself.
With all that money on my person, I couldn’t afford the police, or anyone else rummaging through my duffle bag.
As soon as we entered Jane’s apartment I noticed that the walls and curtains were pink. Furthermore, there were numerous stuffed animals scattered throughout the apartment. This girl was going to be a breeze. However, I could only have a ‘quickie relationship’ with her. She was far too immature to be of any long-term use to me. In fact, an immature girlfriend would be a liability.
“Jeff, please sit down. Do you want anything to drink?”
“Of course ... I mean ... what do you have to drink?”
“I drink bottled water, juice, pop, and milk ... both chocolate and plain ole white milk.”
“Okay, Jane, please get me something with much caffeine in it. Oh ... do you have any of those high caffeine drinks available?”
“Yes, that’s what perks me up and get me through the day. I have several large Frankenstein brand cans in the fridge. I’ll bring a couple, one for you and one for me. How does that sound?”
“That sounds sweet. I’ll be waiting for you to come back with my can.”
Jane walked over to the kitchen, opened the fridge and then removed two cans of Frankenstein brand pop. Then, she promptly returned to the living room.
“Jeff, I think that you are the sweetest guy in the whole world! I have a good feel for people, especially men. You’re the kind of guy that I would like to spend the rest of my life with.”
She shocked me with that statement. That’s not what a stud like ‘Jeff’ ever wants to hear. However, I was in no position to complain, at least not for the time being.
“Yes, Jane, you too are a sweet person! I think that we can get it on really good.”
Jane and I decided to wait return the pop and order pizza instead. We’d wait until the pizza man arrived before taking out the pops from the fridge. Our drinks would still be cold.
I asked Jane to call the ‘pizza place’ and to order us an extra large vegetarian pizza with extra cheese, thick sauce, and garlic bread.
“Hello, is this Joey’s Pizza Palace on Atwater Street?”
“Yes, it certainly is! And how can I help you?”
“Please send an extra large vegetarian pizza, thick crust, extra sauce, and six sticks of garlic bread to 1245 Elmer Street apartment number 307, code number 456.”
“And who am I speaking to?”
“This is Jane Burgess. Thank you very much. My boyfriend and I will be waiting for the pizza man.”
Boyfriend! What the hell was this witch thinking? I hardly even knew her, all the more reason to get what I wanted from her and then take off like a rocket.
After ordering pizza Jane turned on her television set and tuned it to Channel 56, The Cooking Channel. This channel was good for background noise and vision. We wouldn’t have to concentrate on the show at hand. However, it was very informative and good for opening up a person’s appetite while he/she was waiting for a pizza order.
Jane sat down beside me and then began to caress my hand. Although I admit that she had a million dollar smile and was an incredibly attractive young woman, I had business at hand. Besides, the lion in me wanted to ‘get some’ and then leave.
“Jeff, can I be your best friend in the whole world?”
“What will I get if I say yes?”
“Jeff, you can have whatever you want from me ... even that! Please, I’m not desperate like some of those other girls. I just want to be loved by a man!”
“Yes, you can be my best friend in the whole world!”
As soon as I said that, I noticed that Jane’s defences were lowered. It was my golden opportunity to make my move! But not until after we ate up. For the time being I only went to first base and then second base with her.
“Jane, let’s make out and do other stuff before the pizza guy gets here.”
“Honey, just hold me in your arms, tell me that you love me, and then have whatever you want from me.”
Now that was a good deal! I wished that Cynthia was more like that. Maybe, I could mould her into becoming like Jane. Anyway, I got down to business immediately by taking Jane’s hand and escorting her to the bedroom.
As soon as we entered the bedroom I got down to business for roughly twenty five minutes until we heard a buzzer from downstairs. Although it totally pissed me off I was hungry. Hunger prevails over most of the other drives.
Jane reached over for her cell phone and then turned it on. Afterwards, she told the pizza guy to press code number 456.
After Jane turned off her cell phone I got up and then put on my clothing. I actually had to remind Jane to dress up. She seemed to be in some kind of trance.
A short while later we heard a knock on the door. I walked over to my duffel bag and then unzipped it, but not before Jane motioned me back to the sofa. She’d already had two twenty dollar bills in her hands. Apparently, she was paying for the pizza. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t complaining.
“How much will that be sir?”
“Madam, we’ve got a super special on super-sized pizzas for today only. You’ll only have to pay $15.00 for the pizza and the garlic sticks are absolutely free!”
“Thanks, here’s a twenty dollar bill and take two dollars for yourself”
“Thanks a lot! Here’s your change and enjoy your meal!”
“Jane, I’ll get the pops from the fridge. You can set the pizza down on the coffee table.”
“Jeff, after you get the cans please take the ice cream out of the ice box. We need it to melt for 15 minutes for it to soften up. Thanks!”
I did as Jane asked and then sat down to begin eating. We ended up eating the entire pizza, drinking two cans each, and eating a whole lot of ice cream.
After we finished our meal each of us cleaned up and then we returned to the bedroom. I convinced Jane to disrobe and to make love to me without any foreplay whatsoever. I’d delayed it for the meal and being on that stinking island made me very desperate for physical contact.
We finished roughly an hour later. I felt a strong urge to get up and leave afterwards, but I was apprehensive about doing that. I didn’t want to piss Jane off too much. She could’ve turned against me and made a scene. That’s not what I needed. I had to re-implant myself into the city of Montreal.
So, I was forced to listen to the usual talk after making love with a person like Jane.
“Jeff, don’t you want to get married? Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to spend the rest of your natural life with me? Don’t you want me to have all of your babies? Don’t you believe in love at first sight? Don’t you believe that after a man and a woman make love, even for the first time they should contemplate getting married? Don’t you believe in honesty in a relationship? Don’t you believe that we should live together? Don’t you believe that we should open up completely to each other? Don’t you believe that we should be faithful to each other? Don’t you believe that we should always respect each other? Don’t you believe that we should show the whole world that we are together? Don’t you believe in love at first sight? Don’t you believe that we were destined to be together?”
Jane totally bombarded me with her silly talk. Naturally, I had to put on a good act.
“Yes Jane, but I must go now. I promise that I’ll call you up and come by very soon.”
“Okay, please come to visit me!”
I had to get out of that creepy apartment. You see, I couldn’t have called her even if I wanted to. I didn’t have her phone number and besides, Jane reminded me of the MUNSTERS. Jeepers’ creepers, I had to leave ... fast!
As soon as my hand caught hold of the doorknob Jane called out to me. Something seemed quite strange, but I went ahead and turned around anyway. I was to get the shock of my life! Jane was in the nude, with bloodshot eyes, and a look of mental instability on her face. However, I was mesmerized by her utter beauty. This fact made it quite difficult to exit her apartment.
“Jeff, look at my beautiful body from feet to head! I want you to remember what you’ll be missing! I know that you plan on leaving me and never returning. I didn’t give you my phone number. In addition, I know for a fact that you’re one of those guys who have a little lion in him. You want to bop me and then leave.
Please come to me ... baby! I need more of your muscular body and handsome looks! If you don’t want anymore ... that’ll be your big mistake!”
I couldn’t help it. I disrobed then walked over to the bedroom and motioning Jane to follow me. That little wench was an Achilles tendon for me.
We entered the bedroom then went straight at it for three hours. By the time we finished I was sweating bricks while Jane was grinning. Apparently, she was a professional fornicator. Not that I was complaining.
I gave Jane a kiss on the lips and then put on my clothes. Afterwards, I said goodbye and finally left her apartment. It was a delay that I didn’t want to repeat again, but was probably going to do so anyway.
I didn’t know this at the time but the memory of making love to Jane would never leave my mind. Mind you, it wasn’t love or anything close to it, at least on my part. It was purely carnal pleasure. I didn’t want to fall in love with Jane. She’d screw up my game plan. Cynthia and Corey would have to pay for my horrible incarceration on that GOD forsaken island!
I exited Jane’s apartment and then walked down the hall to the elevators. As soon as I reached the elevators I pressed the arrow pointing downwards and waited patiently for my free ride to come.
As I was waiting for the elevator a teeny bopper with a pony tail exited her apartment. After locking her door she gave me a long smile and then approached the elevators. I didn’t think much of it until she began to converse with me.
“Sir, I couldn’t help but notice you were in Jane’s room. She was jilted by her boyfriend last week. Just be careful with her, please. You’re catching her on the rebound.
Anyway, I’m Rebecca Smith and I would like to be your friend. Is that all right with you?”
“It certainly is!”
“Here’s my number. Please call me up whenever you feel like it. I’ll be here ... waiting for your call.”
“Thanks honey. Actually why don’t we go inside your apartment to talk.”
“Gosh Jeff, you’re so incredibly handsome and muscular! No woman could ever reject you, really!”
“And how did you know my name, young woman?”
“Jeff, I’m not like those other girls who are snoops. I didn’t shove my ‘right ear’ up against Jane’s apartment door, really! I overheard her calling you ‘Jeff’ while I was taking out the garbage.
Please Jeff, I need you badly! Just hold me in your arms and give me the three golden words. That’s all that I want from you!”
I repeated the act of behaving like a lion with a woman without any regrets although I was very apprehensive about Jane’s discovering my secret rendezvous with her neighbour. I think that she would’ve gone into a maniacal rage if she’d discovered what I did. Also, I was rough with Rebecca. She had a big mouth and needed to know her place.
I exited Rebecca’s apartment without ‘wanting’ her phone number. I had no intention of ever calling her. In addition, I still didn’t have Jane’s number either. To tell you the truth after doing Rebecca I realized that a commitment was the last thing that ‘Jeff’ needed.
Naturally, I left the apartment building wearing a grin on my face and happy as can be. I was carrying my duffle bag in my hand and my shoulder bag was securely fastened to my body.
Now, it was time head downtown. I had to deposit the majority of my money in at least two separate banks. No one likes to carry around a million dollars in a duffle bag. It’s very dangerous. I mean, there are some really spooky characters out there that’ll hurt someone for no apparent reason; not to mention steal that person’s property.
As soon as I was a block away from where Jane lived I took a deep breath and then planned the shortest route to downtown Montreal.
But first, I entered a grocery store and asked for a map of Montreal. Thankfully, the elderly man had a few extra maps that he’d gotten for free from the tourism office. As a good gesture to a newbie resident of Montreal, he didn’t charge me for the map. After thanking the elderly man I wished him the best of luck and then walked to a bench nearby.
I sat on the bench and then opened up the city map. I studied the map’s particulars for over an hour. Thankfully, everything had come back to me. Although Montreal had changed somewhat, the streets and the suburbs were for the most part unchanged.
I got up and then put the city map inside my shoulder bag. After scanning the area I got up and resumed my walk towards the downtown core of Montreal.
A short while later I reached Atwater Street. Atwater Street is very busy and nice to walk or drive through. It runs north to south and is very lively. You can pass Atwater Metro Station and Alexis Nihon Plaza. Just west of Alexis Nihon Plaza is Montreal’s border with the suburb of Westmount.
The sun was blistering in my face and had no mercy upon anyone caught in its path. Although Montreal’s cold season is relatively long, some summer days can be very hot and humid. I’ve always preferred cold weather. ‘My people’ are originally from the northern lands. I guess the ‘cold guy’ in me is well imprinted into my biochemistry.
Anyhow, as I walked uphill (northwards) on Atwater I came across a young woman who was sitting alone on the sidewalk.
As I walked by her she gave me a flirty look. I quickly looked away in order to continue my walk and not become entangled in another problem. I made certain that thereafter I’d be more careful with any woman who ‘wanted me’. It was too damn risky to keep mounting them, over and over again. Besides, I had strong suspicions that Rebecca was a minor. It’s not my fault I’m so damned good looking. I was born that way!
As soon as I reached the St. Catherine and Atwater juncture I crossed the street and entered the Pepsi Forum. Therein, I went upstairs and browsed around. Afterwards, I went to the restroom.
After exiting the restroom refreshed and clean I left the Pepsi Forum and then headed eastward on St. Catherine Street. Thankfully, a short while later I reached Provigo Supermarket.
I entered Provigo Supermarket then asked a male worker where the cold sandwiches, pop, salads, and sweets were.
After directing me to the proper places he recommended that I use a cart to get my groceries. Otherwise, it would be very difficult to carry all of ‘that stuff’.
After thanking the Provigo worker I got a cart and then went to the cold sandwiches section. I opted for two tuna sandwiches. Afterwards, I snatched up a container of potato salad (with mayo), potato chips, bottled water, pop, chocolate milk, and a container containing two slices of cake.
I scanned the interior of the supermarket to ensure that I hadn’t forgotten anything. As soon as I was certain that everything was okay I pushed my cart to the nearest cashier who, by the way, happened to be a beautiful young woman with brown hair and green eyes. Although she was a bit on the chunky side, it didn’t affect her beauty.
I placed my food articles on the conveyer belt and then waited patiently for the final bill. Thankfully, the cashier was too pre-occupied with her work to take serious notice of me.
“Sir, that’ll be fifteen dollars and ninety one cents. Would you like anything else?”
“NO thanks, here’s a twenty dollar bill.”
After the cashier gave me my change I pushed my cart to the first parting doors which led to the other carts, a recycling machine, and a pop machine.
I wiped my hands clean with some hand lotion nearby. This made me feel very refreshed.
I walked west on St. Catherine Street until I reached Fabourg. Fabourg is now a small run-down mall. In the olden days it was one lovely sight to see. It was lively with all sorts of people and a person felt like he/she was in a village atmosphere.
Upon entering Fabourg I took the escalator straight to the third floor. The second floor is kind of an in-between floor. Anyway, as soon as I was on the third floor I looked left then saw a DOLLARAMA store and then looked right. On my right was the food court. I was holding two grocery bags with my food.
After carefully scanning the food court I found a free table in a far corner near a window. It was good for Jeff!
I walked to the table making sure that I made no contact with anyone. I just wanted to eat my meal in peace.
As soon as I sat down I took my food and drinks out of the grocery bags and then began to eat. Everything went just fine throughout my meal. The other people in the food court were preoccupied with their own hunger pangs and were deep-set in their conversations with their friends.
After finishing my meal I walked over to the nearest waste basket and then tossed the non-eatable items into it. I’ve never been a litterbug.
Afterwards, I went to the restroom, cleaned up and then dried my face and hands using a blow dryer.
I was becoming apprehensive and impatient with carrying my duffle bag around. I didn’t mind the shoulder bag because it contained my basic essentials.
I would have to find a ‘representative’ from the underground. After all, I needed identification, a bank account, and a nice place to live in.
After exiting Fabourg I walked the downtown area in search of a ‘representative’. Never mind the homeless and the druggies. I needed someone who looked, behaved like, and smell like someone from the underground
I walked on St. Catherine Street and the adjoining streets for an hour before spotting a possible representative.
I crossed St. Catherine Street and walked southwards to Tupper Street. Standing all by herself was a middle aged woman, wearing loose jeans, a brown sweatshirt and an expression of criminality.
It seemed like we had some kind of chemistry attachment. I’m not referring to love. I’m referring to intent. She seemed to know that I wanted something from her.
This woman was over the hill when it comes to looks. She was plump, with ‘forming rings’ underneath her eyes and a few wrinkles on the corner of both of her eyes. Naturally, I wasn’t going to do this woman. Well, not in the normal sense. I still needed to use her for something that I needed.
“Honey, do you want something special today?”
“Let’s swing over into the side street; Tupper Street. I don’t want anyone to hear what we say. It’s vitally important and could get me in trouble with the law. Do you understand?”
“Yes, honey, I certainly do. And, you can call me Candy.”
“Okay, Candy, listen up ... I need some identification, a bank account, and a place to live. I have enough money to back what I want. Now, I need these things immediately, or else I’ll find another representative. Got it?!”
“Yes honey, I get it. I can get you all of those things within the hour for ten thousand dollars. If you can wait for several days it’ll only cost you two thousand dollars.”
“No way Candy, I need those things within the hour!”
“Okay honey. Please come with me. The place is not far from here. It’ll take us ten or fifteen minutes to get there.”
“Fine, then let’s go right now!”
I followed Candy through several streets then finally into a short side street.
Candy told me to keep following her without saying a word until we reached ‘the secret room’.
Being desperate, I obliged her by saying nothing and following her like her own shadow.
Finally, we stopped in front of a dilapidated building before Candy pulled out her cell phone and made a call.
“Lewis, listen up! I have a gentleman with me who needs some identification, at least one bank account, and judging from his looks a nice place to live in. Are you game?”
Candy smiled at me and then gave me a thumbs-up. Afterwards, she held my hand and then gently pulled me behind her as she entered the building.
As soon as we entered the building I got the creeps. This place smelled like crime and I saw a roach near the door handle. I felt a sudden rush of thankfulness. Thankfulness, that I wasn’t poor. It was all the more reason, to open up at least one bank account.
“Honey, we have to walk up to the fourth floor. The elevators in this dilapidated building are unreliable. We may get stuck between one of the floors. If this happens someone will have to call the fire department. Now, we don’t want to draw any attention to ourselves, do we?”
“No Candy, we certainly don’t. Let’s continue with our walk.
I followed Candy up to the fourth floor to room #405. It smelled like dope and booze in there. It was all the more reason to get what I wanted fast and then leave. That kind of case scenario was part of my life; in an out quickly without any commitment or memory. That’s part of being a stud.
Candy knocked on the door three times, paused for a few seconds and then knocked on the door five times. I heard footsteps leading up to the door, then a pause, no doubt the person was looking through the peep hole, and then he opened the door.
A burly man in his late fifties, balding, and not very good looking was standing behind the door. He was wearing a white tank-top shirt making his sagging chest and pot belly that much more apparent. In addition, he had tattoos on his shoulders and forearms. I didn’t delve into what the tattoos were for. I just wanted ‘my stuff’ so I could settle down in Montreal and begin my earnest search for Cynthia and Corey; wherever they may be.
“Okay, Sir, and who am I serving today?”
“I’m Jeff. And I really need my stuff fast! Can you do the job?”
“Don’t worry, Jeff! I’ll finish it off in a jiffy.”
Candy and I entered the dilapidated apartment room which by the way had roaches on the walls. I couldn’t believe that a man who probably made big bucks was living in a slummy room.
“Okay, now ... I can get you a Canadian passport, Citizenship papers, birth certificate, references (work and character), valid bank account (including check book, credit card, and whatever else), an apartment, and an important name for future aid.
You see, I have to leave this province fast! The Montreal Police Department (MPD) and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) have been hounding our ‘legitimate business’ ventures. They are now too close for comfort. That’s why I’m in this horrible dump for the next few days. They’ll never search for me here. You see, I’m a millionaire.
Whatever ... we’re here for you! Now I understand that you wanted less ‘stuff’ than what I mentioned. I mentioned them in case you needed anything more. How about all of the aforementioned stuff for twenty five thousand dollars in cash unmarked bills as soon as the service is complete.”
“Yes, I’d love that. Now, I need the stuff fast! Before the banks close up and can you really get me an apartment today?”
“Jeff, I can get you anything; even a beautiful woman. If my mother was alive, I’d give her to you ... really!”
I waited patiently before the man, who still hadn’t introduced himself to me left the cockroach-infested apartment room.
While waiting I just couldn’t help but glance at my pocket watch every minute or two. I was in dire straits. I needed the stuff badly.
Then, roughly a half an hour later, the man entered the apartment with a big smile on his face. He gave Candy a stern look and then calmly waved her out of the apartment. Apparently, he didn’t want her around for our business deal. Perhaps she’d be paid after the deal.
“Okay Jeff. Now I will now remove the contents from this folder and you will see that I am a man of my word.”
I carefully inspected the contents one at a time and then asked a question or two to be on the safe side.
“Sir, I see that everything’s in place, even the apartment room and key, one year lease and all. But which banks can I deposit my money in?”
“Okay, go to the Royal Bank of Canada (RBC) on Guy Street and just north of Maisonneuve Street. I’ve got a contact inside the bank that’ll make your deposit smooth and clean. But don’t spread the word about your big deposit. Also, go to the Toronto Dominion Bank (TD Bank) diagonally across the street from Fabourg. Everyone who’s been in the downtown core knows where Fabourg is. And finally, go to the Bank of Montreal (BOM), I have a delicate connection between the three of these banks. Deposit your money, make sure you get all of your papers then say goodbye and leave. DO NOT MAKE ANY WAVES AND TRY YOUR HARDEST NOT TO GET TOO NOTICED!
Your apartment address is on the lease. I decided that it was better for you to live in a borough or suburb whichever you call it.
Westmount is close to the downtown core of Montreal. Your home will be several blocks west of Greene Avenue and on the lower part of the mountain. You need to be a bit isolated for a while. Keep a low profile for the next few months, if you know what’s good for you.
Now, would you like a woman; perhaps a wife from another country, or a concubine? What about a girlfriend. Or, maybe you get into kinky stuff. All of the aforementioned can be yours. However, you must contact me or Candy soon. As I told you, I must leave the province very soon!”
“No thanks, I’ve never had any problems picking up women. As you can see, I’m tall, athletic, and very good looking, not to mention, a sweet talker.”
“Oh, I almost forgot. My name is Buster. And, as I told you earlier DO NOT FORGET THE NAME ‘MR.BOGEY’. This guy is the most powerful individual in the entire Montreal greater metropolitan area. Word is ... Mr. Bogey will someday rule this city with an iron fist, as an emperor. Just don’t cross his path!”
“Buster, do you mean that Mr. Bogey is one of us? Like ... if I need something that I don’t want the authorities to know about, he can help me?”
“Yes and another thing ... I don’t like to snoop into peoples’ personal problems and issues, but you seem like you’re from far away. Do not lower your guard and never trust anyone with your life except your own self.
Also, if you want to maintain your upper middle class status you must work outside of the stupid law. Most laws are stupid! If I abided by the law, in general, I would’ve ended up in a mental institute, on welfare, a beggar, or on skid row. Just look at the winos, drug addicts, and other homeless individuals. Believe me, although many of them have brought their problems unto themselves, convicts (criminals who got caught and couldn’t pull out of their predicament) and others were hard-working law-abiding citizens who ran into bad luck. They refused to break the law ... and look at where they ended up.”
“Buster, what if I want to find someone in this city. I mean, like, say I want to know if a particular individual has ever or is living here ... can I ask Mr. Bogey about that?”
“You certainly can! But I’ll give you some good advice: keep in mind the act of working for Mr. Bogey. If you ever decide to work for him tell him that Buster recommended ‘you’ for work.
He may screen you to make sure that you’re legitimate. In fact, you’re super lucky! Neither I nor Candy would ever allow anyone into our apartment for this kind of underground transaction without a referral or some kind of screening process. I mean, you could’ve been an undercover cop or something worse. But like I said, Jeff, I’m closing up shop. You are my last customer in Quebec. I’m out of here soon!”
I gave Buster his money, shook his hand, and then he handed me my stuff. Afterwards, we said our goodbye.
Even as I walked away I could practically hear Buster sweating. Some people are like that. They always sweat profusely. Not Jeff, Jeff is a stud!
I saw Candy on the way out. Although Candy was over the hill and below my league, I went ahead and grinned at her. It was more or less a pity grin.
Instantly, she saw stars. Well, she wasn’t the first girl to see stars after Jeff grinned at her.
I didn’t kiss grin at her out of love or even like. I was making an investment. I thought she could be handy sometime in the future. Buster never said anything about Candy leaving the province.
I walked to the TD Bank with high hopes and expectations, knowing very well that I was now well established in Montreal. I just needed to make a couple deposits fast and then head home for the day. I was tired and worn down from the worrying, walking, and overall stress of not knowing what was going to happen to me.
But as I was about to open the door to enter the TD a shocking thought jolted my mind. I never got a name from Buster. I mean, who was my contact at the three banks.
It was too late to go back for the time being. So I entered the TD and lo and behold ... as soon as I took my first step I saw a scrawny young woman standing next to the entrance. She gave me a big smile and then carefully pointed her finger to her left and to the back. I understood what she was saying to me. The cubicles were in that direction.
Mr. Jeff ... is that your name?”
“Just call me Jeff ... no need for formalities.”
“Okay, Jeff, please come with me. We can finish this transaction in a few minutes. Oh, I apologize! My name is Sally Graziano and I’m delighted to meet you.”
“Sally, I’m double delighted to meet you!”
I followed Sally to her cubicle and then sat down as soon as she pointed to one of two chairs in front of her desk.
“Jeff, we must keep our voices down and I’ll hunch over towards you. I want you to do the same, please.”
“Okay, Sally. Look into my duffel bag. I want to make a large deposit. Can you oblige me?”
“Yes, but did Buster give you the names of three different banks?”
“Yes, he certainly did.”
Sally pulled out a slip from her pocket and carefully flashed it to me. Written on the slip were the names of the three banks that Buster told me about and their respective addresses.
I nodded a yes and then grinned at Sally. She understood that I was answering in the affirmative.
“”Jeff, would you like to keep one hundred thousand dollars in cash on you?”
“Yes, please deposit the rest in the three respective banks.”
“Jeff, exactly how much money do you have to deposit?
“Let me see ... one million dollars minus the twenty five thousand dollars that I gave to Buster, plus the ‘bank fees’, well, I need to know how much money you want for your services.”
Okay, I want ten thousand dollars. Now, this will cover all three banks. And, before you say to yourself that ‘Sally’ is trying to rip me off, just remember that we are ‘legitimizing’ a gargantuan amount of money. The law states that when anyone who deposits over ten thousand dollars the Government of Canada should be notified. Furthermore, ‘my contacts’ at the respective banks are risking major prison time and an immediate humiliation by our superiors and termination of work without any benefits or recommendations.
See ... look at this picture! This is my husband and these are my children; two boys and a girl. The eldest is only in kindergarten.
Jeff, I’m not like those other girls! I’m not a moneythirsty little witch! I just want to be rich, live in a mansion, own several cars, retire at a young age, and eat the best and most wholesome foods in the world!”
“Don’t worry, Sally, you just want what most people want. You’re within the parameters of normality.”
Because of my intense need to open up the three accounts and get on with my life I did not pull my hand back.
Sally gently held my hand and then gently stroked my wrist and knuckles. She had that look on her face; the make love to me, love me, marry me, and I want to have your kids.
I endured our state of suspended animation for a long minute before Sally decided to move on.
“Jeff, just wait here while I do my special work. When I return, everything will be finished. But please, have the ten big ones ready so we don’t draw too much attention by taking too long.
As soon as Sally had exited her cubicle I carefully removed ten thousand dollars from my duffle bag. Afterwards, I held it up against my chest as to not allow anyone else to see it. Being in a bank means that I had to put up with the presence o multiple cameras located before my eyes and in strategic locations.
A few minutes later, Sally return to her cubicle with a big smile on her face. She looked like she’d just found Mr. Right; no it was better than that. She was now one third of ten thousand dollars richer, tax free. I figured that the other two banks each had one inside person helping out.
“Jeff, here are your papers! You will find that everything is in order. I even got you a safety deposit box. Not in this branch; in another one. The complete address and key are in the folder.”
“Thanks for the good service! Now, here’s your money! Can I count on you in the future?”
“Jeff, if I’m still here! But if I make a bundle soon our family will move to another province. Otherwise, here is my card!”
I thanked Sally again, shook her hand, wished her the best of luck, and then said goodbye and left.
As soon as I exited the TD I decided to walk home. I was very tired and sleepy. There was no reason to continue my wakefulness.
As I walked westward on St. Catherine Street I felt a sudden surge of happiness. As I passed each store I saw hardworking individuals who were forced to stay in their establishments and work in order to get paid. I was filthy lucky! And filthy rich, for that matter!
As soon as I within a couple of blocks of Atwater Street I came across some beggars. I didn’t give them any money, as they were drunk off their rockers. I wasn’t going to give any beggar or homeless person money for smokes or drinks.
“Hey, buddy, can I borrow a few bucks from you?”
“What do you mean borrow?! You’ll never give back what you borrow, especially money!”
The homeless man, who had a large bottle of beer in his hand, had an expression of shock on his face. Well, he needed it!
After walking two more blocks westward I entered the Pepsi Forum and then headed straight to the ‘mini-bleachers’. I sat down and pondered about my life. Although I wanted to go straight home I understood that a good sit would clear my mind so I could think.
I stayed put for roughly a half an hour and then exited the Pepsi Forum. Upon crossing Atwater Street I decided to get a take-out order.
I entered McDonalds and then waited in what appeared to be an eternal line. Thankfully, my patience paid off. A young teeny bopper with blonde hair and blue eyes took my order. Instantly, I felt that she had a crush on me. Mind you, I’m not exaggerating anything. Jeff need not exaggerate the love women have for him. He, that is, I am a super-stud!
“Hi, sir, may I take your order? Oh, wait, do you have a girlfriend?”
“Wow, I didn’t think that that was part of the food ordering deal. Yes, I’m taken. Actually, I’m married and have three children.
Give me a fish trio special, super sized fries, super-sized diet coke with no ice, and I want the fish sandwich to be dressed with ketchup, mustard, pickles, onions, lettuce, tomato, and without any cheese or sauce. Oh, and give me an apple pie. This is to go.”
“My, do you eat a lot. I guess your wife must love you for that. No wonder you’re such a stud. That’ll be eight dollars and fifty cents please.”
After I gave the cashier a twenty dollar bill she gave me back my change, smiled at me, and then conveyed the order to the kitchen staff.
As I waited attentively for my order I realized that I was a versatile individual. Although I was worth close to a million dollars I was still able to eat fast food, if I wanted to.
As soon as I got my order I left McDonalds and as I was about to leave the building I changed my mind. After all, I was in Alexis Nihon Plaza, a small mall.
I strolled through the ground floor of the plaza and then went upstairs to the food court. I took one look at the food court and then remembered that I had my next meal in my hands. My food was getting colder. So, I hustled downstairs and then briskly walked through the corridor leading to Westmount Square. As soon as I reached the square I accelerated the speed of my walking until I left the building and crossed Green Avenue.
I remembered this area from the past. Having no trouble finding my way around, I walked to Sherbrooke Avenue and then turned left for several blocks. Finally, I walked up a steep hill and within a short while I found myself standing in front of the Larson Apartment Building.
I was very pleased with the facade of the building. Beautiful, expensive looking and a security guard on duty. I was safe from thugs.
It was then that I realized that I didn’t have a scanning card or a key. Or did I?
I reached into my duffle bag and then pulled out the folder that Buster gave me. To my utter surprise, I found a scanning card and two keys; one for my apartment and the other for my post office box.
I sighed in relief. I was now ‘well-implanted’ into the greater metropolitan area. Now, nothing could stop me!
I swiped my scanning card and then entered the Larson Apartment Building. I scanned the area to my utter delight.
The carpet was green and beautiful. The walls were freshly painted, with chandeliers, a mini water fall, and a lounge room at the end of the hall. Not to mention other luxuries in other areas of the building that I was certain existed. This was a first class apartment building fit for a millionaire.
I pressed the ‘UP’ button for the elevator and then waited patiently until one of the five elevator doors opened. It was like the elevator was inviting me in.
I entered the elevator and then pressed the number five button. Almost immediately, the elevator door closed and then it ascended to the fifth floor.
For a minute or two I fell into a trance, unable to contemplate the incredible pleasure of it all. Just a short while ago I was on a despicable island that no human or animal should ever live on. Now, I was living in the fast lanes.
I walked over to apartment #506 and then pulled out my apartment key and the rest is history.
Upon entering my apartment I felt a sudden rush of excitement. Everything, down to the window panel was first class. I lightly tapped myself on the face to ensure myself that I wasn’t dreaming. Luckily, I wasn’t.
I walked to the kitchen, opened up the fridge, and to my utter surprise found it full with food and drinks. Then, I began to open up the kitchen cupboards and proceeded to find pots, pans, and other cooking items; even spices and a dozen boxes of cake mix.
The microwave was large and up to date. I noticed that there were numerous options to choose from when cooking making it easy for a bachelor like myself to eat well.
As I left the kitchen I noticed a piece of paper on the dining table.
Naturally, I picked it up and read the contents. To my utter surprise it was a one year lease! I would’ve settled for a sublet; but who was complaining?
I disrobed and then walked to my bedroom closet and opened it. Therein was a laundry basket so I tossed everything in my hands into it. The closet was full of clothing but I needed to shower first.
After closing the closet I opened several chest drawers and found everything from folded up shirts to socks. Everything was clean.
As I was leaving my bedroom I took notice of another restroom. So I walked in to see what it looked like. It was a regular restroom with a shower. I realized that I had two restrooms in my apartment.
Thankfully, there was a full bottle of shampoo and a stack of soap bars therein.
After hopping into the shower I turned on the shower head and then enjoyed the best shower of my life. I dried up afterwards, dressed in my night-wear and then hit the sack.
Everything went just fine for the next 6 months. I slept with numerous women and made sure to never call them back or show any interest in them. As far as I was concerned, every single one of them liked it and wanted it. Therefore, they had no reason to complain; especially the married ones who also had kids. They were cheating on their husbands.
But everything would change on a beautiful Sunday evening in late April; that’s when I got a shocker. It would cause me to commit an act or two of violence; actually more. You see, I began to like it again. Afterwards, I’d become stronger and more callous to women. It’s like most of the women that I slept with thereafter reminded me of Cynthia Corbett.
It was 9:00 P.M. and for some unknown reason I got a sudden craving for chocolate milk. I drank milk everyday anyway, but I’d forgotten to purchase another 4 litre bag of milk that afternoon and I ran out of Hershey’s chocolate syrup.
So, I took a quick shower, put on my outdoor clothing and then went to Provigo Supermarket to get some groceries in addition to the chocolate milk.
My walk to Provigo Supermarket went smoothly until I was within thirty or so feet from the entrance. It was then that I heard a voice calling out to me. This was something that I didn’t like.
“Jeff, I love you! I haven’t seen you in 6 months! Why haven’t you called me?! I need you badly!”
As soon as I turned in the direction of the caller I got a shocker. It was Jane Burgess.
I quickly crossed the street in order to shut Jane up and then began what turned out to be a brief conversation with her.
Jeff, why didn’t you call me after we made love? You took advantage of me! You don’t love me! Rebecca told me that you ‘bopped her’ right after you bopped me!
Well, guess what? Rebecca may look old but she was only 14 years-old when you bopped her. If you don’t come back to me I’ll tell all of my friends what you did to Rebecca!”
“Okay, honey ... let’s walk due south past Tupper Street. It’s nice and dark over there. Nobody can bother us while we make out with each other.”
“Oh ... Jeff ... you really do want to make out with me?”
“Of course I do, my dear love!”
After scanning the area for possible witnesses or interruptions I determined that the coast was clear. I held Jane’s hand and then gently pulled her towards me while I crossed St. Catherine Street and headed south to the ‘dark area’.
As soon as we got to the dark area I re-scanned the area, and this time also scanning the residences behind me. I had to make sure that there were no witnesses around.
After assessing that the coast was clear in an automatic and laconic move I snapped Jane’s neck and then pulled her body into a darker area.
I scanned the area once again and then took hold of Jane’s purse. Afterwards, I squeezed her purse into my shoulder bag. But before leaving, I gave her one last kiss. Mind you, I’m not a weirdo who likes to kiss corpses. Jane was still fresh. She looked like she was asleep but I certainly knew that she was dead.
I decided not to go to Provigo Supermarket because my presence therein would be noticed by the workers and I also had to worry about the camera.
I walked on Tupper Street and then circled back to Maisonneuve Blvd. Shortly afterwards, I entered a 24-hour grocery store and purchased my goods. I was confident that nobody could tie me in with Jane’s killing. However, I had another problem. An indirect witness named Rebecca Smith. I had to see her in her apartment and then snap her neck. Any kind of police investigation involving her would surely bring up my name. I didn’t want that! Besides, I had to begin my search for Cynthia and Corey. They were my prize catches!
I walked on Maisonneuve Blvd. for several blocks before turning right to Sherbrooke Avenue. As soon as I reached Sherbrooke Avenue I heard two familiar voices. I wasn’t sure who they were so I stopped dead cold and then turned to look in the direction of the two voices. To my utter shock it looked like Cynthia and Corey were walking together. The two silhouettes were just out of my range of vision. The two were walking eastward on Maisonneuve Blvd. Because I was carrying grocery bags in both hands, including a large container of ice cream I continued walking home. I brushed off the two silhouettes as a figment of my imagination. After all, I’d just been thinking about them.
While I was walking home I thought of several different scenarios for finishing off Rebecca. I decided to ‘meet her’ in a side street at night and then go to her apartment and finish her off right then and there.
The next day I decided to walk to Rebecca’s neighbourhood. Once there, I’d wait patiently like a predator waits for its prey.
I ate breakfast, took a nice long walk and then came back home. I watched television and read the paper until sunset. Then, I ate a large supper and watched some television. After eating supper I brushed, flossed, then washed my hands and face with soap and water. I used a blue towel to dry myself up.
I had only one more thing to do; wash the dishes. And, like a machine in action, I did just that.
Before leaving my apartment I had a change of plans. I needed to look and smell my very best. So, I returned and took a nice, long hot shower. After drying up I splashed on some cologne. Now I was ready to go.
In my haste I’d almost forgotten that I had Rebecca’s phone number; all the more easy for me to set up a meeting with her.
I removed my wallet from my shoulder bad and then pulled out the little yellow slip that Rebecca had given me. I read it out loud fifty times and then went to the restroom and flushed it down the toilet. Just in case, this little slip could be used against me in the future if the police ever investigated me.
Now that I had memorized Rebecca’s phone number by heart I exited the restroom and then sat down on my beautiful, brown living room sofa.
“Hello, who is this?”
“This is your ‘secret lover’, Jeff speaking. How about we meet up this evening and then afterwards we can make love to each other all night long, without any interruptions whatsoever?”
“Oh ... jeepers ... Jeff, do you love me?”
“Rebecca, I really care about you and want to meet you. I can love you after we make love.
I want to meet you on Atwater Street just south of St. Catherine Street at the underpass nearby. I want to talk to you all alone before I take you to the movies, dinner, and then make love to you all night long.
Now, my dear, how does that sound to you?”
Oh, Jeff, yes ... I want to marry you!”
I let that one go because of my intense need to finish Rebecca off. How could she love me so fast? Maybe, she was sick in the head. Anyway, I never liked loose ends; especially when they could lead to a very long and nasty prison term.
After talking to Rebecca on the phone for a few more minutes she accepted the invitation to see her at the underpass that same evening at 8:00 P.M. I was ecstatic!
I counted the seconds go by until it was time to exit my apartment. I was intent on chopping off this loose end at all costs except at the cost of getting caught.
I left my apartment at 7:15 P.M and then headed straight to our meeting place; her final one, that is.
As I walked to Atwater Street I scanned the area for police cars and familiar people. That last thing that I wanted to do was goof up on this job. Rebecca was a loose link, and I didn’t like that!
By 7:30 P.M. I found myself within spitting distance of the underpass.
I waited patiently for Rebecca making sure to hide in the shadows every time someone walked by my spot. I didn’t want to take any chances. Believe me I wasn’t being paranoid, but only cautious.
At 7:45 P.M. I spotted Rebecca walking up the hill with a big smile on her face. There was a problem, however. She wasn’t alone.
I waited until Rebecca was a block away from me and was about to walk away when her girlfriend gave her a hug and a kiss and then said goodbye. That was good news for me. I lurked in the shadows until Rebecca’s girlfriend was out of sight. Now, I was ready to act!
“Jeff, how are you doing? I hope that you’ve fallen in love with me. Well, can I have your babies?”
“Please, just get a little closer to me ... now turn away from me. I just want to run my hand up your beautiful spine.”
Thankfully, Rebecca fell for that old line... SNAP!
As soon as Rebecca dropped to the ground I hoisted her unto my shoulders and then tossed her into a dark corner. No doubt, it would be days before anyone even took notice of her. By that time I’d be out of this area and clear of any suspicion.
But then, greed overtook me. I scanned the area and then snatched Rebecca’s purse and shoved it into my shoulder bag.
I re-scanned the area and found nobody heading in my direction either in a southward or northward direction.
I briskly walked away from the crime scene and didn’t even glance back. I just wanted to forget what had happened. I had a whole life ahead of me. I wasn’t going to do hard time for a little squirt like Rebecca.
As soon as I got to St. Catherine Street I turned left towards Westmount. I needed to take a long walk and think about my game plan.
When I arrived at Greene Avenue, it happened again! I saw a woman who ‘resembled’ Cynthia and a cat that looked that Corey’s spitting image. Even the walk, except this cat had no limp. I know for a fact that Corey had a severe injury in his left foreleg. This particular injury was Corey’s own doing.
I didn’t have the time to gawk or follow look-alikes. I was interested in the real thing.
I began to walk away in earnest until I got to the nearest intersection. It was then that I decided to circle back and rid my mind of any doubts. It was either ‘them’ or not.
I jogged back to the spot where I first saw them and then up the hill to their last position.
As soon as I reached Sherbrooke Street I scanned the area spotting two tiny figures several blocks east of my position.
I continued my job towards them until I was within a half a block of reaching them.
I go the shock of my life! Indeed, it was Cynthia and Corey! How did they get here to this specific dimension? Not that I was complaining or anything ... but I wanted to know. However, I needed a strong alley because I wanted to help conquer the entire world starting with the greater metropolitan area of Montreal.
MR. HYDE

I allowed Toby Matheson to think that he’d killed me in order to paste my on the path on the left rather than the one that I was to take; the one on the right.

TEENY BOPPERS SHOCKED: WHO ‘LIONED’ US?