Life Coaching: Definitons and Coaching Models by Dean Amory - HTML preview

PLEASE NOTE: This is an HTML preview only and some elements such as links or page numbers may be incorrect.
Download the book in PDF, ePub, Kindle for a complete version.


This is the first part in a series of three books about Personal coaching.

Part 1, “Personal Coaching” is about what Personal Coaching is and offers a surview of the most popular models for Personal Coaching (or “Life Coaching”) and Self Coaching.

Part 2, “Techniques for Personal Coaching and Self Coaching” introduces you to the most powerful coaching techniques in use and describes the most successful questions and strategies for coaching.

Part 3, “Essential Knowledge for Personal Coaches”, is a practical standard reference work highlighting the knowledge and skills that are indispensable for anybody who is considering life coaching as a career or as a serious self coaching process,

Dean Amory's Complete Life Coaching and Personal Coaching Course is your best guide for coaching your coachees and yourself towards maximizing your life potential and achieving a happier and more fulfilled life.

Personal Coaching is an invaluable training manual for anybody who takes life coaching seriously.




Life Coaching or Personal Coaching always starts with the “Here and Now” and looks forward. It focuses on the dreams and aspirations of the coachee - what their goals are, what they want

- and then assists them to make things happen.

Personal coaching is not about healing wounds from the past (counselling), nor about transferring knowledge (teaching, instructing), nor about assisting people to find their way and become successful in a new study- or work related environment (tutoring). It is very similar to mentoring, but also different, because it is more structured and formal and aims to determine and achieve specific goals within a set period.

A personal coach will however make interventions across the borders listed above. For instance: besides from focusing on changes in attitude, convictions, performance and behaviour in order to achieve future oriented goals, the coach may also focus on such areas as developing personal skills, raising self awareness, stimulating critical thinking, coping with change or enhancing communication.

Like personal coaching itself, this manual crosses borders and also borrows from models and techniques used for counselling and mentoring that contribute to the quality of the personal coaching process without requiring a psychological approach, making it the perfect guide to develop your own power coaching model.


The process of life coaching involves three key phases: Phase One: Assessment and Intake

During the initial phase, coach and coachee get to know each other. The coach shares information about the structure of the coaching process and finds out what coachee is expecting from him. He will also want to know about the coachee’s present situation, both in terms of the difficulties that coachee is facing and of the resources available,

Phase Two: Problem Analysis and Strategy Planning What kept coachee from reaching his goal? The difficulties experienced by coachee and the options available to him will be further analysed. Then, an action plan will be developed. The coach will monitor the coachee and further help him through constructive feedback.

Phase Three: Evaluation, Adaption, Further Support During this final phase of the life coaching sessions, progress will be evaluated and either the coaching procedure will be ended, or a shedule for follow up sessions will be agreed upon.

The number of life coaching sessions that are necessary to complete the coaching cycle is limited. Typically, no more than five to seven sessions of life coaching are necessary. However on-going intermittent support can be beneficial.

Source: 14



Coaching services are offered under a wide variety of names:

Life coaching, ADHD coaching, Business coaching, Career coaching, Executive coaching, Expat and Global Executive coaching, Financial coaching,

Personal coaching, Health

coaching, Sports coaching, Dating coaching, Conflict coaching, Victimization coaching, Christian coaching, Performance coaching, Skills coaching, ….


Generally speaking, life coaching is recommended when there is a need for assistance at


Improving self knowledge and self awareness


Building self esteem, confidence and assertiveness 3.

Reflection (Offering a sound-board)


Structuring tasks and responsibilities


Improving abilities for planning and goal-setting 6.

Acquiring new skills or improving existing skills 7.

Learning to solve (own) problems


Improving interpersonal skills


Enhancing relationships

10. Learning how to identify and act on personal needs 11. Becoming more effective, performing and assertive 12. Gaining new perspectives

13. Developing greater adaptability to change

14. Reducing stress levels

15. Sorting out personal issues that are blocking you 16. Having a positive impact on your environment 15

Personal coaching is for people who want to make a significant change in their life.

The coach will ask questions and challenge the coachees in order to stimulate them to

1. Identify, set and accomplish goals

2. Look at new perspectives

3. Become more effective / Increase performance 4. Find the focus and drive to progress in life / Stay motivated 5. Self improvement / Balance and boost personal growth 6. Self empowerment / Increase confidence

7. Deal with resistance, obstacles and conflicts Personal Coaching requires motivation on behalf of the coachee

Hersey and Blanchard developed a grid to help determine the appropriate style to stimulate personal growth. They see

“coaching” as most appropriate style when competence is high and motivation low. When competence is low, but motivation high, they suggest a different style defined as “convincing and encouraging”

In fact, life coaching combines aspects of both qualifications and can be used both to motivate coachee to stop procrastinating and do the things he knows he should do, as to advise and provide guidance to coachees that have the motivation to bring about change in their lifes, but are not sure about the way how to handle the situation.

In both cases however, there must be a strong motivation towards change itself . If you feel the coachee does not want to change at all, but has been forced to come and see you, chances of success will be very remote.






In a study, the effect of coaching in the context of professional learning communities was measured. The outcomes were astonishing:

Instructional coaching is most effective when it occurs within a successful professional learning community. At the heart of this community is a belief in the need for continuous improvement, where a constant and collective search for improving classroom instruction is conducted.

The process of professional learning includes:

 Research, presentation and explanation of the theory behind the practice

 Demonstration and modeling of instructional strategies

 Opportunities for initial guided practice

 Prompt feedback from guided practice

 Sustained coaching for institutionalization of instructional practice

The chart below depicts the outcomes of different elements of professional development: theory, demonstration, practice and coaching.

Based on research, an estimated 95% of teachers who receive ongoing support and guidance through coaching are more likely to learn and implement new practices in the classroom.

Researchers also estimate that teachers generally need to utilize a new instructional strategy approximately 25 times before it is transferred into their daily teaching routine.


Professional Development Outcomes



Skill Level

Transfer to





Estimated % of

Estimated %

Estimated % of


of participants





proficiency in the implementing





practices in the






(e.g., presenter

explains content -

what it is, why it

is important, and

how to teach it)





(e.g., presenter








(e.g., participants



practices during

the session)





(e.g., participants

receive ongoing

support and

guidance when

the return to the


Source: Showers, Joyce & Bennett, 1987 –

Published by West Virgina Department of Education 19



In Personal Coaching, the point of gravity is always the coachee.

Personal Coaching is mainly facilitating:

The coach does not offer advice, ready-made answers or solutions, but asks questions aimed at encouraging the coachees to think for themselves and find their own answers, based on their own values, preferences and unique perspective.

During the process, the coach offers a supportive framework based on structure, assistance and feedback, aimed at positively changing the coachee’s behavior, attitudes and convictions.

Coaching is not complete until the coachee has successfully developed and implemented at least one concrete action plan.

Exceptionally, some form of advice may be necessary. The coach will pose the advice as a question, e.g.: “how do you think

… would work for you?”



Other recommended styles are:

If competence and motivation are low: prescribe, instruct (Tell people what to do.)

If competence and motivation are high: Delegate When talking about personal coaching, what is most important is the level of motivation of the coachee with respect to immanent change in their lives: either coachees want to make a change themselves, or they desire to prepare themselves in order to be able to cope with what lies ahead. Whether their competence level is low or high is irrelevant, as long as they are truly motivated to make a change in their lives.





Listen better, talk less.


Understand what motivates coachee.


More is in you: everybody is capable of achieving more.


Let the past be past: it is no indication of the future.

But learn from it.


How we see ourselves is what matters most: People’s believes of what is possible for themselves are their only limits.


A coach must be genuine, empathic and always provide full support


Coaches do not provide the answers


Coaching does not include criticizing people


All coaching is always completely confidential 10. Some needs cannot be met by coaching

11. Coaching is about identifying goals and finding ways to achieve them

12. Coaching always implies change




Carter McNamara of Authenticity Consulting, LLC

Many Coaching Models Have Certain Approaches in Common About 15 years ago, I had the privilege of studying a variety of coaching models. When people asked me which model was best, I always answered that it was the last model I had studied.

Each model seemed tremendously powerful — because each had certain practices in common. I came to realize that those common practices in coaching seemed to make the biggest difference for those being coached. I came to call them “core” coaching skills. Since then I’ve incorporated them into a process I call “peer coaching groups.”

I had realized that the experience of having someone –

1. Ask me what is important to me now, what do I want to accomplish.

2. Ask me questions about how I came to identify that priority.

3. Ask me what success would look like if I addressed my priority.

4. Ask me about my nature, how I like to work on priorities in my life.

5. Ask me what relevant and realistic actions I might take to address my current priority.

6. Ask me what I am learning as I am working to address the priority.

– was extremely powerful.


All of the models seemed to include this or a very similar sequence of questioning.

Core Coaching Skills Are Accessible to All

The process is so clear and straightforward to apply that almost anyone can be of tremendous help to another person, to members in a group — or to him/herself by posing those, or similar, questions. That’s one of the features that makes the coaching process so very powerful. I’ve watched 100s — if not 1,000s — of people around the world use core coaching skills to help others transform themselves and their work.

Many people might strongly criticize me for suggesting that coaching is a simple process. I’m not suggesting that. I’m suggesting there’s a central set of techniques that is very powerful.

Certainly, these can be embellished in many ways — and an explosion of coaching schools have done that.

I’ve watched as the field has become a profession for many, including codes of ethics and credentialing. I look back very fondly on those early years where so many people watched this wondrous new field become so popular to so many — and for good reason.

What do you think?


Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD – Authenticity Consulting, LLC –




1. Coach and coachee have to get along: successful coaching is impossible if the parties involved do no get on with each other.

2. Coaching requires a safe environment, which is necessary for a collaboration based on trust and confidentiality.

3. Contrary to Mentoring, coaching assumes a formal and professional relationship. This implies regular contacts based on well structured sessions scheduled within an agreed coaching itinerary.

4. Clear Scope: Goals and methodology have to be agreed upon at the start of the coaching relationship. Progress has to be closely monitored and communicated during regular feedback-moments.

5. Coaching aims to lead to an increase of insight, motivation and efficiency on the part of the coachee and to improve their self-esteem through the implication of a supportive but professional relationship in which a facilitating style is used to stimulate the coachee to find their own answers and solutions to the challenges faced.




1. Design the alliance: Build a strong foundation


By meeting ethical guidelines and professional standards


By establishing a professional coaching agreement


Through a correct assessment and intake

2. Communicate effectively


Practice active and empathic listening


Be authentic (congruent), unconditionally acceptive and supportive


Be non judgmental; do not enter in discussion


Establish rapport, respect and trust with coachee


Use powerful questioning and purposeful inquiry 3. Facilitate learning


Create awareness – challenge with compassion – celebrate not knowing


Do not offer your solutions – help coachee find his


Co-create possibilities and actions, stimulate experiments


Assist in planning and goal setting


Affirm, acknowledge, celebrate

4. Manage progress and accountability: make specific requests:


Start with “I have a request…”, or “May I invite you to…?” 3 possible answers:

1. Yes

2. No

3. Here’s what I’ll do instead


What are you going to do exactly?


By when?


Where, with whom, conditions, …?


How will you know? How will I know?




Source: Dr. Greg Dale, an AAASP certified sport psychology consultant at Duke University egorydale.pdf

Character – Competent – Committed - Caring Confidence Builder – Communicator - Consistent 27



Alternative 7 C’s of Coaching

Source: 7 C’s of Coaching – The Practical Guide to Collaborative Coaching for Optimum Results by Mike Cope. ISBN 0273681109

The Seven C’s described are:

Coachee - Understand the person and the problem

Clarity - Unearth the symptoms and roots of the issue

Create - Generate a solution

Change - Deliver the solution

Confirm - Make sure it works

Continue - Ensure it will be suitable

Close - Celebrate and say goodbye









While coaching, pay attention to:

1. Introducing yourself properly.

2. Giving a clear explanation of what life coaching is.

3. Developing a trusting relationship with your coachee.

4. The techniques:

open questions / paraphrasing

reflecting feelings



caring confrontation

(appropriate use of) self-disclosure.

5. Structure and process of the discussion (phase-awareness).

6. Responding to cues and verbal signals.

7. Matching your language to that of your coachee.

8. The content of the discussion.

9. Managing silences.

10. Enabling the coachee to tell his story (without undue interruptions)

11. Refraining from giving advice or solutions.

12. Effectiveness and usefulness of the session.

13. Evaluating the session.

14. Coming to an agreement regarding progress.

You will know you have mastered the skills when you: 1. can describe each skill,

2. can distinguish between the different skills, 3. know when to apply a certain skill or not,

4. can recognise and identify a particular skill, 29

5. are able to really listen to your coachee,

6. pick up cues from your coachee,

7. are able to empathize with the coachee,

8. are able to integrate various skills,

9. Identify yourself as coach (with a reasonable amount of confidence).


Academy for Counselling and Coaching (ACC)

Counselling and Coaching Training - Worldwide - English Version -


Some core characteritics of good coaches:

Responsiveness : Responsiveness shows that the coach is genuinely interested in the coachee, that he is a good listener, has good communication skills, accommodates individual differences, maintains relaxed manner, and is receptive to questions.

Enthusiasm : A good coach is energetic, optimistic, prepared, willing to commit time.

Humor : They should be able to incorporate humor in personal and real-life examples during training.

Sincerity/honesty : They take every question seriously and doesn't pretend to know the answer if they don’t.



Flexibility : They are able to eliminate, adjust, or alter material during training according to trainees' needs and/or time constraints.

Tolerance : The y have the capacity to easily accommodate different personalities and learning styles; they accept constructive criticism and do not take it personally.



Respond “yes” or “no” to the following questions by putting a checkmark in the appropriate box. A person who is more open and ready for coaching will have at least five “yes” responses.


Do you believe you can be more effective and happy ?


Are you willing to consider new perspectives and try new approaches?


Do you make learning and development a priority?


Do you have some goals that keep getting postponed?


Has someone provided just the right help to you at just the right time?


Are you looking for ways to enhance your life?


Are you willing to accept challenges that will move you toward your goals?


Do you want more accountability for achieving results?


Do you have a healthy attitude about receiving both positive and constructive feedback?


Do you want to work with a coach?

Source: Adapted version - Full Experience Coaching.

Sophie Oberstein – Ten steps to successful coaching

© 2009 the American Society for Training & Development SCALING OF CHANGE SKILLS OF COACHES

Scale the following 9 Change Skills of Coaching on a scale from 0

to 5: Awakening, Challenging, Provoking, Probing: Questioning and Meta-Questioning, Co-Creating: Framing, Deframing, Reframing, Actualizing, Reinforcing & Celebrating, Testing and Facilitating:


1) Awakening

A sense of waking up to new ideas, possibilities, and a new world of experience. To become aware or conscious of new possibilities.

5 Evoking Highest Possibility for Coachee

Asking out-of-the-box questions, miracle questions, interviewing an expert or person who has achieved something deemed impossible.

Eliciting states ( see Eliciting States) of possibility in the coachee demonstrated by hearing the coachee say ‘wow...' and ‘I've always wanted to....' etc

4 Questioning Intentionality

Asking about possibilities ("what if...?" "Just imagine if..."). Asking repeatedly about hopes and dreams that invites meta-outcome questions, questions of highest intentionality.

3 Questioning Coachees Dreams

Asking well-formed outcome questions, giving examples of possibilities, telling stories of people who succeeded in similar circumstances, asking "What do you want?" questions.

2 Imposing Own Dreams

Setting forth some ideas that begin to invite the coachee to dream about new possibilities, asking about the goals and hopes of the coachee. Speaking with animated voice. "Would you like X?"

1 Suggesting Change

Asking or suggesting that things could be different, but providing no examples, sharing no personal stories to arouse such hope.

0 Inviting Defeat

No words, questions, or suggestions that invites new possibilities.

Communicating in a slow or dull way that says or suggests a defeatist position, that things are fated, the way they are, that change is not possible.


2) Challenging

To identify current reality and to highlight it in a coachee's awareness so that he or she recognizes the things currently at work and the consequences that will result if unchanged, and therefore the things to move away from.

5 Coachees Moves Away From Coachee Reality Continuing explorations into unpleasant present and futures, doing so with more confrontation that prods, pokes, and nudges the coachee to feel the need to move away-from current situation.

4 Increasing Level of Discomfort in Current Reality After mentioning and asking about current reality, exploring further into how painful, unpleasant, and undesirable things will be if unchanged. Doing this in a matter-of-fact tone and attitude. Inducing a state of intolerance and high level frustration about current state and direction.

3 Inducing Need to Move Away From Current Reality Mentioning and asking questions about current reality to induce the coachee to feel the need to move away from the current situation, problems, and anticipated consequences. Inviting coachee to stay with the emotions and awarenesses even though unpleasant. Asking SWOT questions. "What stops you?" "What gets in your way from...?"


Shifting Focus From Current Reality if Coachee Expresses Discomfort

Mentioning and asking questions about current reality, but moving away from such if the coachee begins to feel frustrated, upset, angry, anxious, or fearful. Quickly moving to a "thinking positive" mode, rescuing coachee from facing the current reality of his or her situation.

Mirroring or pacing back current reality.

1 Brief Attention on Current Reality

Briefly or slightly mentioning the coachee's current situation, but not dwelling on it, quickly moving away from speaking about anything unpleasant, negative, or that would lead to painful consequences.


0 No Attention on Current Reality

No mention, questioning, or elicitation about current reality, only speaking about the past or future, asking or mentioned outcomes and goals.

3) Probing

To penetrate into a coachee's frame of mind and matrices of frames about beliefs, values, understandings, expectations, etc. To thoroughly investigate the coachee's mental models that have created his or her current reality.

5 Persistently and Patiently Not Letting Coachee off the Hook Persistent questioning that invites and even pushes a person to look at all of the frames of mind and mental models, relentless returning to the exploration and never letting the person off the hook even if the awareness becomes painful or unpleasant. Using "opening up" frame questions.

4 Exploring What is Not Being Said

Continuous questions about coachee's inner mental frames using a tonality of curiosity and wonder that invites the coachee to really explore the inside of things. Asking about the things not said. Using silence for coachee to be with the thoughts and feelings. Asking about the critical variables and the resources that make it so or that would change it.

3 Many Questions that Explore Coachee's Internal World Increase questioning and exploring of the coachee's state of mind, mental maps of the world, and frames about beliefs and values.

Asking about how an experience works, the variables that operate within it, how coachee perceives things.

2 Minimal Questioning About Coachee's Internal World Lots of questions that show interest in a coachee's situation, contexts, and behaviors, but few if any about the coachee's inner world of thinking and mapping.


1 Questioning Primary State

Basic questions about a coachee's current situation and beliefs, few to no questions about frames of mind, internal thinking, or mental mapping that creates current situation and responses.

0 No Exploration or Questioning

Failure to ask questions, or to explore the coachee's current thinking or frames of mind, no inquiry into belief or value frames, no sense of wonder or curiosity about the coachee's current frames of mind or beliefs.

4) Provoking

To strongly, surprisingly elicit a response to action that triggers a sense of threshold in the person and gets an action to do something about one's awareness of the need for change. To incite, call forth, evoke, arouse, annoy, stir up.

5 Coachee Makes a Decision and Takes Action Intensity of questioning increases as coachee is called upon to act immediately, respectfully doubting whether the person has the guts, balls, or courage to take action. Coachee responds with immediate decision to take action.

4 Playfully Calling for Decision and Action Questions and statements with a tone of teasing, playing, nudging, mimicking ideas and concepts that create problems for the coachee, even mocking and playfully insulting that encourage the coachee to make a decision and take action.

3 Questions that Induce Discomfort

Questions and statements that invite discomfort, irritation, pained awareness and that call for action and that doesn't stop even when the coachee manifests a negative state. Mimicking physical gestures and tones with little effect on the coachee taking action.


2 Questioning & Backing Off

Questions and statements that when used create an awareness of discomfort, stopping before the coachee takes action.

1 Hinting at the Need for Action

Asking questions that hint at the need for action but do not call the coachee to take immediate action.

0 Encouragement to Stay in Comfort Zone

No sense of being teased or provoked, lots of nurturing statements of empathy and sympathy that invites a coachee to feel no need to act or do something.

5) Co-Creating

Sharing ideas, questions, and making statements with a coachee around the subject of a new set of beliefs, values, and mental models for taking action to achieve some important outcome that's been generated by the coachee and that fits his or her world.

5 Development of a New & Unique Self-Organizing System Working collaboratively with coachee by asking questions about attractor frames to initiate a self-organizing dynamic, giving tasks (see Tasking) that allow the coachee to further develop unique strategies and plans for a unique inner game. Conversationally facilitating unique questions and patters that solidify a robust new Inner Game.

4 Facilitating Patterns that Form a New Inner Game Exploring coachee's ideas, probing coachee's matrix of frames (see Probing), providing "support" (see Supporting) to nurture the ideas and make it feel safe to develop, giving time to think through the possibilities. Collaboratively suggesting patterns that coachee might use to develop resources. Cheerleading the coachee's excitement and passion (see Cheerleading).


3 Forming New Strategies

Asking questions about inner resources to evoke memories and imaginations so coachee begins to create a strategy or plan for succeeding, asking SWOT questions, asking meta-questions about inner frames of beliefs and understandings about new plans.

2 Brainstorming Possibilities

Asking coachee about outcomes, asking questions that evoke a state of creativity, asking questions and making statements that invite the coachee to engage in brainstorming that generates a number of possibilities.

1 Giving Suggestions

Asking the coachee about his or her outcomes, asking well-formed questions about them, inviting the coachee to consider various suggestions as given by the coach.

0 Giving Advice

No joint discussion about things, telling, giving advice, making evaluations, ordering, consulting, or training a coachee about what the coach thinks is best.

6) Actualizing

Inviting a coachee to translate the new inner game into an actual outer game. Work with coachee to get him or her to begin to act on the new game plan. Asking when, where, how, and working with coachee to eliminate excuses, fears, and other things that might hold him or her back. Using Tasking as method for actualizing.

5 Co-Created action plan and refining results.

Co-creating activities that will maximally transfer learnings to everyday life, coachee expresses motivation and excitement. Setting up the next step in accountability, exploring the next refinements for the plan or strategy in order to see the coachee's outcomes fully 38

operational in the right contexts, refusing to let the coachee off the hook about his or her acting.

4 Action plan with full buy-in, celebrating results.

Giving reasons for activities, presenting with state induction skills (see Inducing states). Inquiring and celebrating successes in making real the steps and actions, fully exploring and inquiring about results and staying with the inquiring until a full account is given of what worked, to what extent, how well, what else needs to be done, what are the next steps, etc. Extensive facilitating the body how to feel the ideas of the new inner game (see Facilitation).

3 Action plan with monitoring of results.

Tasking coachee with list of activities that creates an action plan without providing motivation or understanding of it. Thoroughly monitoring the action plan and tasking assignments. Getting a list of actual behaviors that coachee used outside of the coaching session.

Asking lots of questions about the practical experience with a new plan or strategy, specifically coaching the body to feel the ideas of the inner game.

2 Giving tasks but no action plan, some monitoring.

Giving tasks and some action to do but not formal action plan, asking about what coachee actually did to manifest goals, plans, checking up on tasking assignment, but no follow-through on the results. Only briefly asking about how the body is manifesting the new game (e.g., breathing, posture, face, voice tone, etc.).

1 Hinting at tasks.

Hinting at tasks but never asking coachee to do the task, no creation of an action plan, briefly asking about previously set actions. Asking about results, then quickly returning to other subjects.

0 No follow-up on tasking.

No questions about what the coachee will do, no questions about how to feel the action plan, or put into neurology, no creating of an action plan or a task. No mention of the results that a coachee got from the plans, strategy, or goals set.


7) Reinforcing

Responding to a coachee in ways that fit for any given coachee by inducing the feeling of validation, support, affirmation. Inquiring and discovery of the specific words, gestures, actions, and behaviors that convey such to the coachee. Mindful use of reinforcement technology from Behaviorism, scheduled responses that induce more motivation and delight.

5 Sharing own emotions that acknowledges coachee's successes.

Fully present to the coachee, sharing emotion, eyes watering or tearing, hand on shoulder, thumbs up, applause, expressing a high sense of value and regard for the success or experience and doing so with emotion, "Good on you!" "Right on!"

4 Leading celebrations.

From pacing to leading in celebrating by giving space and time to be with the emotions of the value and success, articulating the success in semantically packed words ("This begins to move you to your desired future, doesn't it?")

3 Asking about meaning of success.

Asking meta-questions about the meaning of the success or comment, uses validating language to get expression of value to the success.

High eye contact, presence, emotion in voice and body.

2 Matching emotional state of coachee, some questioning.

Matching coachee's state, verbally acknowledging emotion or enthusiasm. Good bit of eye contact and presence. Asking some primary questions about the success.

1 Disinterest.

Disinterested listening as evidenced by little eye contact, matching, voice flat, no or low emotional response, no enthusiasm.


0 No emotion.

No emotion or enthusiasm at the announcement of any success the a coachee mentions.

Unresponsive: comments are ignored or

discounted. No matching of coachee's state, no time or room to celebrate. No eye contact. Weak sense of being present to the coachee.

8) Testing

Testing a new or different behavior, response, or feeling to see if its present and if it works, putting the change to the test to of effectiveness and robustness, evaluating how effectively it fulfills the action plan. Asking,"Did it work?"

Confirming (and dis-confirming) when, where, and how they do work, what makes them work, inviting ownership of the ideas, strategies, and plans.

5 Enabling coachee to self-monitor.

Setting up self-monitoring and social and environmental support that set up self-organizing testing, inducing states that support this openness to testing.

4 Thorough questioning to find next step.

Asking about the effectiveness of the plan, about next steps, what else to do to refine the skills, tasking for continual improvement, checking to see what the coachee has learned and will do as a result.

3 Lots of questions about results and what got in the way.

Action plan and tasking thoroughly explored, some questions to test for effectiveness, robustness, but not many. Asking questions about the coachee's resources when didn't get the desired results, inquiring about how this influences the game plan.

2 Some questions about specific tasks.

Some exploration of action plan and tasking assignments, asking only briefly about what to do next.


1 General inquiry about results.

No questions about the action plan or tasking assignments, only inquiring how things are going in general sense more in sense of small talk.

0 No questions about results.

No questions about how the coachee is doing, no exploration into changes, no holding accountable for tasks in the action plan.

9) Facilitation

To cerate a safe environment and context that makes it easy for a coachee to answer questions, explore ideas, and translate his or her outcomes into actual behaviors and skills in life. To make easier.

5 Coachee accessing powerful resources and desired outcome.

Eliciting the most powerful resources in coachee for outcomes, seeing desired behavior in coachee, giving a great sense of support and respect in the coachee (see Supporting). Asking about supporting beliefs, decisions, states, and asking questions that use these resources.

4 Coachee taking steps.

Using effective transition words, phrases, and stages that allow the coachee to move smoothly from one step or stage to the next. Fully pacing the coachee's matrix of frames (e.g., beliefs, values, etc.).

Receiving comments from the coachee that "each step just feels natural." Asking about and working to eliminate interferences.

3 Fully pacing and relevant questions.

Fully pacing the coachee, asking questions that are completely relevant and useful for coachee to move from one stage of development in achieving his or her outcomes. Giving or eliciting step-by-step awareness of how the processes will occur. Giving overviews and details appropriate to the coachee. Eliciting responses (see Inducing States).


2 Appropriate and pacing questions.

Mostly pacing through matching and mirroring physiology and tonality, asking questions that seem relevant to the coachee's outcomes.

1 Mostly relevant questions.

Asking questions to the coachee's outcome which assist in building up the mental models for success. Failure to fully pace the coachee's current state and thinking and so eliciting some resistance, indicated by coachee not answering questions, showing frustration with them.

0 Irrelevant questions or statements.

Making statements or asking questions that are irrelevant, nosy, or difficult to answer that confuse or convolute things and that does not enable a coachee to move to the next step of achievement of a goal, consulting, teaching, etc. SCALING OF CRITICAL SKILLS OF COACHING

Scale the following 6 Critical Skills of Coaching on a scale from 0

to 5: Framing and Reframing, Tasking, Celebrating and Chearleading , Holding Accountable and Monitoring, Pattern Detection, Tracking a Coachee’s experience.

1) Framing - Reframing

Inviting a coachee to see or perceive something in terms of some classification. Setting a boundary for a perception.

5 Creating New Empowering Levels of Awareness Asking about empowering beliefs, values, decisions, etc. (see Meta-Questions) and using induction skills (see Inducing States) to set new categories.


4 Exploring Higher Levels of Awareness

Asking about layers of categories, asking challenging questions about such. Giving space and time to explore the higher embedded layers of awareness. Reminding coachee that all perceptions are just maps.

3 Questioning Classification

Asking or calling attention to the classification of the details and asking about awareness in coachee, providing menu list of other filters, quality control questions about filters and categories.

2 Imposing Either or Thinking

Speaking as if there is only one other classification and imposing that upon the coachee by rhetorical questions. Using either/or expressions. Tone of judgment, right/wrong, talking more than coachee to impose the other way of seeing things.

1 Acknowledgment of Structure - As the Details of the Story Talking about the classification, pattern, or structure of the details as if that map is the territory, as if no other classification is possible.

Using universal quantifiers (all, nothing, always, etc.) and absolute terms. Speaking and feeling from perspective of being inside the box of the coachee's story, problems, and challenges.

0 No Distinction Between Content & Structure Talking about and asking questions in the very words and details of the story without giving evidence of the classifications or categories of the details. No distinguishing between content and structure 2) Tasking

Asking a coachee to do an action or behavior as part of developing new skills, developing awareness, or unleashing new potentials.

5 Co-Created Action Plan

Co-creating with the coachee the activities that will maximally transfer learnings to everyday life and that make the experience 44

memorable and powerful. Coachee expresses excitement and motivation to completing tasks.

4 Action Plan With Buy-In

Giving reasons for an activity, presenting it with state induction skills (see Inducing States), exploring or inquiring about activities that would make the coaching more real and present in actual life, asking for a buy-in.

3 Action Plan Without Buy-In

Presenting a task to do, suggesting it but without providing any motivation or understanding for it. Tasking an activity that has little or nothing to do with the focus of the session, getting no or little buyin from coachee although they do leave with an Action Plan.

2 Giving a Task - No Action Plan

Presenting a task to do at a point in the session, but failing to come back to it later, forgetting to mention it as something for the coachee to do.

1 Hinting at Tasks - No Action Plan

Hinting at a task that would be good, but never asking the coachee to do it.

0 No Action Plan

No mention of any activity to do that would provide a drill or practice of a new learning or skill.

3) Celebrating / Cheer-Leading

Expressing excitement, respect, and honor to a coachee for something that fits with the coachee's hopes and dreams, visions and values. Allowing and encouraging coachee to feel and express joy and excitement in small and big successes.


5 Full Celebration

Fully present to the coachee, sharing emotion, eyes watering or tearing, hand on shoulder, thumbs up, applause, expressing a high sense of value and regard for the success or experience and doing so with emotion, "Good on you!" "Right on!"

4 Encouraging Celebration

From pacing to leading in celebrating by giving space and time to be with the emotions of the value and success, articulating the success in semantically packed words ("This begins to move you to your desired future, doesn't it?")

3 Matching State

Asks meta-questions about the meaning of the success or comment, uses validating language to get expression of value to the success.

High eye contact, presence, emotion in voice and body. Matching Coachee's state.

2 Verbal Acknowledgment

Verbally acknowledging emotion or enthusiasm. Good bit of eye contact and presence. Asks some primary questions about the success.

1 Low Emotional Response

Disinterested listening as evidenced by little eye contact, matching, voice flat, low emotional response, no enthusiasm.

0 Unresponsive

No emotion or enthusiasm at the announcement of any success the a coachee mentions.

Unresponsive: comments are ignored or

discounted. No matching of coachee's state, no time or room to celebrate. No eye contact. Weak sense of being present to the coachee.


4) Holding Accountable

Asking what a coachee is actually doing that makes real and actual the stated vision for being, doing, and having.

Exploring when, where, and how a person has fulfilled promises. Focusing on and holding the coachee to his or her own word and promises.

5 Provoking Action

Focusing on the frames above and behind the incongruency between acting fully on words. Probing and Provoking (see Provoking) through questions, challenges, meta-questions what the coachee says he or she wants to do or achieve. Directly bringing up either kindly or firmly, "Will you do this now?"

4 Probing Lack of Action

Directly commenting on difference between word and actions.

Asking probing questions. Hearing and commenting on cognitive distortions involved in excuses or thinking patterns. Asking questions to invite coachee to own his or her responses. Moderate to high level of confrontation. "You said you wanted X, but you haven't indicated taking any actions to make that happen, what's going on?"

3 Commenting on Lack of Action

Noticing and straightforwardly commenting on behaviors. Listening to excuses and vacillating about accepting them. Moderate level of confrontation. "Did you do X?" "Let's talk about that a bit, what was going on for you?"

2 Hinting At But Letting Off The Hook

No noticing and commenting on the behaviors of following through or failing to follow through on a task or promise. Bringing it up by hinting. Letting person off the hook by accepting excuses or making excuses for the person. Little direct communication about acting on goals and skills.


1 Negativity About Lack of Action

Inviting a sense of responsibility in a negative way by blaming, accusing, attacking or by merely noticing the lack of follow-through non-verbally, but not mentioning it.

0 No Follow-up

No mention of what a person has said, no relating it to what the person is doing or is not doing. No follow-up on promises, tasks.