Jody 'plus' Toby by Bassam Imam - HTML preview
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Sharon and I reached the path leading to the castle. We stared at the castle as we slowly approached it. Something didn’t seem quite right. Well, we realized that we weren’t quite ready to enter the castle and take our chances in a totally different dimension.
Sharon and I looked at each other, slowed down then spoke ‘our minds’.
“Jody, do you want to go back to Montreal? I mean, look, by reaching the pathway we’ve probably altered our lives. I think if we go back things will be a bit different and perhaps better.”
“Sharon, I want to go back too!”
Sharon and I turned around then headed back to Montreal. We were hoping that things would be better this time around. In addition, I was more intent on finding Sharon a good fleshy android for her to fall in love with and marry. However, I didn’t forget what she told me about the no sex part. I had to have a long, serious talk with her about the birds and the bees. It wasn’t normal for a young, attractive woman to want to find ‘Mr. Right’ and only hold his hand and tell him ‘I love you’. I had to dig further into Sharon’s mind.
Mind you, I’m not an overly suspicious cat. I just wanted to know what her underlying problem was. It’s part of my nature as a feline to want to know. Cats are very intelligent and inquisitive. Never mind our facade. We’ve gotten away with it for eons. Dogs haven’t. That’s why many of them have served humans for life; sometimes risking their lives, too.
“Jody, do you love me from the bottom of your heart?”
“Yes, Sharon, I love you!”
Sharon and I slowly backtracked our way home. As we walked away from the tunnel, goose bumps engulfed my entire body. Although I knew that the tunnel was a safety net for us, it was also a creepy site. It would lead us to other dimensions. What kind of dimensions, I certainly didn’t know.
As soon as Sharon and I were near Lionel Groulx Metro Station hunger hit us like a ton of bricks.
It was then that we noticed that it was mid-afternoon and sunny.
“Sharon, check your purse to see how much money and funds we have. If we’re not rich, we should return to the path or even go all the way to the palace. I’m not being a money-hungry cat! I just want to be filthy rich!”
“Jody thanks for reminding me about that. We must find out where we stand.”
Sharon rummaged through her shoulder bag, opened up her purse, then found a load of cash, check-book, jewellery, and a Westmount, Quebec home address. Well, it looked like we were rich!
“Jody, we’re rich! Look inside my check book! We have three million Canadian dollars in our checking account! Jody, I love you!”
“Sharon, it really feels nice being rich again. Let’s go out to eat. Look, let’s go to the Eaton Centre. I’ve always been a big mall eater. Then, we can browse around and see if we can buy something.”
Sharon and I grinned at each other then began our walk towards the Eaton Centre.
We had to walk uphill on Atwater Street. It was easier for me because I’m a cat. Humans, being bi-pedals, must strain more than quadrupeds when walking uphill. I’ve always been thankful for being a cat.
As soon as Sharon and I reached St. Catherine Street we decided to veer left instead, entering Alexis Nihon Plaza first. It was a long day and what better way to spend it than to walk around and think about our money?
Alexis Nihon Plaza is actually a small-sized mall. It’s good for shopping and like most other Montreal Malls walking is fun in it.
“Jody, let’s cross the street. We can enter the mall from there.”
“Sharon, do you want to get some ice cream from McDonalds? I certainly do!”
“Jody yes! Let’s get two super-sized vanilla ice cream cones.”
“Sharon, they don’t have super-sized cones. I think they only have extra large.”
“Jody, please don’t piss me off when my blood sugar level is low! Besides, I’m in desperate need of a caffeine fix!”
“Sharon, you’re not the only one who’s hungry and is in desperate need of a caffeine fix!”
Sharon and I crossed St. Catherine Street then entered McDonalds.
For some strange reason McDonalds was closed. It looked like the bummer of the year for the two of us. No ice cream!
Thankfully, a female worker took notice of us. She gave me a big smile and a wink. I felt obliged to, so I returned the wink.
This girl had jet black hair, green cat eyes, freckles, and pale skin. She was five feet nine inches tall and probably had a boyfriend.
“Girls, I’ll let you in real quick. You see, we’re renovating in here. But, I think that I can get you something to eat. But we have to make it very fast. The manager will kill me ... then fire me if he finds out that I’ve let someone in.
Yes, he’ll kill me first then he’ll fire me!”
“Honey thanks a lot for letting us in. However, I take personal offense to you winking at my baby ... I mean at my best friend in the whole world.”
“Gosh, I’m terribly sorry! Your cat friend is so cute. I had to let her in.”
“What about me? You little witch!”
“Sharon, please don’t make a scene. She wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. She was only trying to be nice. I mean she did let us in, didn’t she?”
We ordered our two vanilla ice cream cones. As soon as we got our order we left McDonalds.
Cynthia and I walked up to the 3rd floor of Alexis Nihon Plaza to find a nice place to sit and enjoy our cones.
As soon as we sat down, Sharon stood up then rummaged through her shoulder bag. Something appeared terribly wrong.
“Jody, I forgot my wallet at McDonalds. I’m running back!”
“Sharon, don’t do that! Just hold my cone. I’ll run back really fast then retrieve your wallet. Don’t worry I’ll be back in a jiffy.
As soon as Sharon took hold of my cone I ran back to McDonalds. It was a lightning-fast run.
As soon as I was in front of the glass door, the teeny bopper took notice of me. She blew me a kiss then approached the glass door.
“Honey, wasn’t your vanilla ice cream cone good? Please tell me the truth!”
“Yes, the two licks that I managed to get were very tasty! Sharon forgot her wallet on the counter.”
The teeny bopper opened the glass door, grinned and then motioned me to enter.
“Honey, here’s Sharon’s wallet!
Sorry, what’s your name again?”
“My name is Jody Wilson. And I’m very pleased to meet you. You seem like a very nice young girl.
You’re too young to be married. So, I’ll ask you about a boyfriend.”
The teeny bopper began to cry. I’d hit a large nerve. Instantly, I regretted asking my question.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend! I’m having a hard time finding a good guy.
I’m so pretty, guys are intimidated by me. Even the jocks are too scared to ask me out. I don’t know what to do?”
“Honey, be patient. I’m sure Mr. Right will come along very soon. But for now, I want you to study hard and get ahead in life.”
“Jody, I apologize for not telling you my name. It slipped my mind.
My name is Stephanie Anderson. I’m 17 years-old and I’m planning on going to a nice university to study sociology or psychology. Eventually, I want a doctorate! I want to be a professor.”
“Stephanie, I think you can do it!”
“Jody, I love you!
Jody, is there any way that I can become your friend? I mean, I know that I can’t become your best friend in the whole world. Sharon’s got that spot.
I live alone. Would you like to move in with me? I promise to treat you like a princess and to behave myself with the utmost sincerity.
But please, don’t tell Sharon! I think she’s a witch in disguise. She doesn’t want anyone else to love you.”
“Stephanie, what’s your home phone number?”
“My number is five-five-five-eight-four-seven-seven. And please don’t forget it!”
Stephanie walked me to the glass door then she slid it wide open.
As soon as I thanked Stephanie she asked me to come back.
“Jody, please come back! I’m not sick! I just need someone really cute, cool, and friendly, someone like you to be with me for a short while.
As you can see, the workers have left McDonalds. I was assigned to close the restaurant for the day. Starting from tomorrow, it’ll be business as usual.
For now, I’d like to enjoy a nice meal with you.
Jody, I’m having a quarter pounder trio, super-sized fries, and a super-sized pop. I’ll have an apple fritter for dessert.
What about you? Would you like to eat with me?”
Stephanie, you’re a very generous person! Yes, I want the same thing that you’re having, except I also want a regular hamburger with extra pickles added to my order.”
“Jody, please have a seat! I’ll fix our food in a jiffy. Just think about food while you’re waiting. It’ll make your meal all the better. That’s what I do at home.”
I waited patiently for several minutes before Stephanie brought over our meal.
As soon as Stephanie sat down we began to eat. Honestly, we looked like a couple of hungry lionesses wolfing down a zebra carcass.
“Jody, I hope that you’re enjoying your meal?”
“Yes, Stephanie, I’m enjoying my meal. But there’s something that’s bothering me a bit. Please be honest with me, okay?
“I sense that you’re hiding something from me. You’re in immense pain. Please tell me what the problem is. I’m not trying to be a suspicious cat. It’s just part of my nature. Also, I really do care about you.”
“Jody, I may be beautiful on the outside, but I feel like an ugly duckling on the inside.
I was forced to take care of myself after my parents died in a car wreck a couple of years ago. I lived with my grandparents until I turned seventeen. I had to move out! There was a major generational gap.
Jody, those two nitwits wanted to set me up for marriage! Like ... they knew exactly what I wanted!
My grandparents thought that I was using drugs, sleeping around, and living a life of a criminal. In their old age, senility and ignorance hit them like a ton of bricks.
I saved up enough money then took off like a rocket. They tried to give chase but I warned them. Any attempt at a chase would result in a criminal complaint to the police. I was dead serious!
Jody, please ... I’m not sick!”
“Stephanie, I don’t think that you’re sick. Please, it’s not good for you to tell me that. Otherwise, if you keep doing this to me, and whomever else, you may end up believing that you’re really sick.”
“Jody, I’m sorry!
Jody, you look like you’re enjoying your food. Do you have enough ketchup packets and peppers?”
“Yes, thanks, Stephanie.”
“Jody, I have a painful secret to tell you. Do you promise, cat’s honour and all, that you’ll never tell anyone in the whole world! Especially another girl! Especially that little witch, Sharon?”
“I promise I won’t tell anyone; cat’s honour on that!”
“Jody, you’re drooling like a hungry leopardess. Please, I want to wait until you finish eating before telling you my secret.”
I really was drooling like a hungry leopardess, so I waited until I finished my meal. Actually, it’s better that way. Can you imagine a therapist, counsellor, clinical psychologist, or a psychiatrist trying to perform a counselling session while eating a full-course, tasty meal? I thought so.
As soon as I had my last morsel, I told Stephanie that I wanted to go to the restroom and clean up. Even cats must clean up their faces and teeth after eating.
Because I was in a hurry it only took me a few minutes to wash up.
As soon as I finished with my business I returned to our table to hear about Stephanie’s secret.
Upon returning, I couldn’t help but notice that Stephanie was crying her brains out. In fact, she was shivering; almost to the point of hyperventilating. I understood that she had a horrible problem to deal with.
I leaped up onto Stephanie’s chest then gave her a big kiss on the lips. Afterwards, I pawed at her face several times. To make sure that she didn’t have any doubts about my sincerity, I then placed both of my paws on her cheeks keeping continuous eye contact.
That’s when I heard a horrible banging against the glass door. It was so intense we both turned to face it at the same time.
It was Sharon. She was pounding on the glass door. She looked like she was pissed off!
Gosh, I’d forgotten about Sharon and my melting ice cream cone.
“Jody, please go back to Sharon. We can continue our conversation at a later time. Please, remember your promise. Nobody in the whole world can even know that I have a secret.”
“Jody, baby! You have to return to me! I’m your best friend in the whole world, remember?”
I said goodbye to Stephanie then left McDonalds. Sharon and I went back upstairs.
Meanwhile, I was anxious about returning to Stephanie. I was very worried about her.
“Jody, you left me upstairs all by myself! The people sitting nearby were laughing and mocking me. They saw what you did to me. You left and didn’t want to come back!
Jody, what went on with you two? Were you girls talking about me? Or did you talk about a secret?”
“Sharon, I’m very sorry for taking so long. Stephanie wasn’t feeling too well. I think she was coming down with the flu or something. That’s why I took so long.
Anyway, she invited me to eat with her. So I accepted.”
“What about me? Didn’t it occur to you that I was upstairs holding two ice cream cones, waiting for my best friend in the whole world?
Jody, I forbid you to speak to that little witch again! I don’t want you to think about her either.
Another thing, Jody I’m not sick! I just want to have you to myself. I want to love you forever. And I want you to love me forever.”
As soon as we sat down I leaped up unto Sharon’s chest then kissed her on the cheek. Afterwards, I embraced her.
She got the message. I wasn’t going to speak to Stephanie again. Or was I?
“Jody, we have a special bond between us. Please don’t break it. We must always stick together. Who knows, we may have to leave this dimension forever. Would you like to leave it alone, without me?
I certainly won’t want to leave this dimension without you. Please don’t break my heart again.”
Sharon and I chatted for thirty minutes before deciding to leave. In case you’re wondering, Sharon at both ice cream cones. It was her way of punishing me.
WHAT A LIFE!
Sharon and I decided to walk home. We knew exactly where to go because our home address was indicated in her driver’s license. We couldn’t wait to get home.
Sharon and I descended to the second floor then walked towards Canadian Tire then turned right.
As soon as we exited Alexis Nihon Plaza we began our serious trek back home. It was still sunny and warm outside. In fact, we had several more hours of daylight left.
As we walked home I noticed that people were staring at us. Something didn’t seem quite right. However, I kept quiet for the time being. I didn’t want to alarm Sharon.
We got onto Sherbrooke Street then headed west for several blocks before walking up a steep hill. With each step we took our hearts raced even faster. We wanted to see our new home!
Roughly fifteen minutes later we arrived at our apartment complex. The facade was absolutely stunning! Furthermore, a professional looking doorman was standing in front of the building ready to open the door for anyone who wanted to enter the building.
“Jody, no matter what happens, whenever we enter a dimension, we must be filthy rich.
Jody, I’m not a money sucking vampire! I just want to enjoy life as a wealthy woman.”
“I know, Sharon! I feel the same way. I can’t be poor. I want to be filthy rich. I want to eat the best foods the world can offer me. I want to live in a large, comfortable, clean, first class home in a decent neighbourhood.”
We approached the building wearing enthusiastic grins on our faces. We couldn’t wait to see our first class apartments.
“Good afternoon girls! It’s been three whole days since I’ve seen either of you. Where have you girls been?”
Instantly, Sharon and I realized that we’d had a history in this particular dimension. Actually, it worked for the better.
“Jody and I have been a bit busy. You know the story; shopping, eating, walking, thinking about our money.”
The doorman opened the door for us then motioned us to enter.
As soon as we entered our apartment complex I took notice of the utter beauty and lavishness of the interior. There were expensive-looking portraits, chandeliers, wall-to-wall carpeting, beautiful pain, expensive furniture, and a beautiful spring near the manager’s office.
Sharon and I walked to the elevator, pressed the ‘UP’ button then waited patiently.
A short while later we entered the elevator. Sharon pressed the number eight button then grinned at me. I grinned back at her.
We were at our door in a jiffy! Our apartment was #805. The door handle looked like it was worth a hundred dollars. The door was made of expensive wood; the kind that’s illegally exported from a third world country. Anyhow, I had no time to ponder about that subject. With more important things at hand, I leaped back to reality.
As soon as Sharon and I entered our apartment we almost passed out!
Gosh our apartment looked like it was suitable for a prince or even a king! Mind you, we weren’t complaining.
“Jody, let’s take a tour of our beautiful apartment!”
“This is the most awesome apartment in the whole world! Sharon, I love living in Canada! I don’t want to ever leave!”
“Jody, before you get carried away with living in Canada, remember we’re not ‘normal-living-people’! We’re interdimensional travellers.”
“Oh, Sharon thanks for being a party pooper!”
“Jody, you’re acting like a miniature witch! Please don’t irritate me! Whenever you do that you break my heart!”
“Okay, Sharon, but you have to stop behaving like a snotty little bitch!”
Sharon and I sat down on our couch, all teary-eyed and mouths closed.
We were so bummed out by our mini-skirmish exhaustion hit us really hard.
A short while later we made eye contact. Thankfully, both of us were smiling. I decided to take advantage of the moment by leaping unto Sharon’s chest and giving her a big kiss on the lips. Afterwards, I rubbed the side of my face against hers.
Eureka! It worked! Sharon and I got up then continued ‘touring’ our apartment.
An hour later, Sharon and I decided to take a nap. The shock of realizing that we were filthy rich took much energy out of us. Not that we were complaining.
Our bedroom was large, beautiful, and contained a king size bed. In addition, therein were a giant screen television, stereo system, two cell phones, a regular-sized phone, and a large wardrobe collection for Sharon.
We ended up sleeping for several hours. By the time we’d fully awakened it was already sunset.
“Sharon, let’s go to the kitchen! I want to see what’s in the fridge!”
“Jody, that sounds like a very good idea! I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!”
We strolled to the kitchen, opened the fridge door then got the shock of our lives! It was full of the best foods available on the market. Naturally, Sharon removed a couple of steaks, a bag of frozen French fries then prepared our meal.
To tell you the truth I was slobbering like a hungry lioness. The scent of the meat and fries was killing me! In addition, I was pondering about my dessert and pop. Naturally, dessert would consist of vanilla ice cream and to help bring it down a high caffeine drink.
Twenty five minutes later, Sharon and I began our tasty meal.
“Jody, do you want more ketchup on your steak and fries?”
“Yes, I want a bit more, especially on my fries?”
“Fine, what about some pepper on your fries?”
“Yes, I knew that I’d forgotten something!”
Sharon and I ate our meal with complete thankfulness and in an elevated mood state.
After eating, Sharon and I washed up then returned to the kitchen.
It took Sharon roughly a half an hour to wash the dishes, take out the garbage and clean the counter and kitchen table.
Sharon and I decided to take a long walk starting on the ‘mountain’ then descending to Sherbrooke Street. We had to digest our food properly. Non-brisk walking can do just that after a meal.
I’d become too humanized. The animal in me had weakened somewhat. My big cat cousins can sleep after consuming enormous amounts of food. Humans and their ‘humanized companion animals’ must be careful.
As soon as we left our apartment building I looked up at the sky only to see a beautiful array of stars and a shining moon. What a beautiful night for a walk it was!
“Jody, after we walk the mountain area let’s descend to Sherbrooke Street. Remember, we must stay on the deep west side of town!”
“Why can’t we also walk near the downtown area; like around the McGill Metro and McGill University area. It’s really lively and nice around there at this time of the night.”
“Jody, you don’t love me!”
“Yes, Sharon, I do love you a lot! Okay, you convinced me ... for tonight we’ll stay on the deep west side of Sherbrooke Street.”
“Jody, I can’t tolerate it when people speak a foreign tongue that I can’t understand!”
“But, Sharon, this is a multi-lingual city! I mean, like, umm, French is the ‘majority language’ in this province. Isn’t it?”
Jody, I’m a lioness and you’re acting like a pestering hyena! Why can’t you agree with me on anything?”
“Okay, Sharon, I agree with you.
Look, we shouldn’t argue with each other. Remember, we just ate. Arguing may significantly increase the acid flow to our stomachs. It’s not good.
Besides you and I are a pair of ‘love birds’. We’re going to be together, forever.”
“Jody, I love you!”
“Sharon, I love you, too!”
We walked through the mountain area for roughly forty five minutes before descending to Sherbrooke Street. Thankfully, our pulse and blood pressure had dropped to a normal level since our brief skirmish.
As soon as we entered Sherbrooke Street Sharon and I decided to go to METRO supermarket to get a high-caffeine drink.
We entered METRO then headed straight to the beverages section. Our mouths began to water in anticipating our drinks. Not to mention, our craving for caffeine.
We desperately searched the beverages section for a highcaffeine drink or an equivalent.
After spotting a worker Sharon inquired about where the high-caffeine drinks were.
The METRO supermarket worker was a beautiful young woman, perhaps in her early twenties, medium height, auburn hair, hazel cat-eyes, freckles, and a terrific smile.
“Honey, where are your high-caffeine pops? Please, Jody and I are used to having our caffeine drinks at least twice daily!”
“Girls, I’m so sorry about that! You see, both delivery trucks got into wrecks on their way here this morning. Ironically, both wrecks occurred on Sherbrooke Street, but not west, east.
Girls, we have a good collection of regular pop, coffee, and tea right over there.
If there’s anything else you need, just ask for Cindy.”
“Wait, when will the pops arrive?”
“Oh, I apologize. I should’ve told you at the beginning of our conversation.
The pops will be delivered to us early tomorrow morning. Hopefully, next time we’ll have a backup plan. The manager was up in arms! He’s like you girls. He needs his ‘fix’ too.
The thing is he had to walk to another store to get his fix. Thankfully, he got it. Otherwise, it would’ve been a long day and night at work.
I thanked Cindy before she turned and walked away. Somehow, Sharon didn’t seem like she was satisfied.
“Jody, how many litres of regular pop do we have to drink in order to get our caffeine buzz?”
“Sharon, let’s just have an extra large coffee and an extra large tea for each of us. That’ll make a total of four extra large, hot, caffeinated drinks.
You see, we’re not at a loss. Look, over there!
Sharon, they’ve even got the caffeine labels above the fountains. We’ll drink the dark coffee, with cream and sugar. Also, we can drink tea with cream and sugar. Maybe, we can have a donut or something with our drinks? How about it honey?”
“That sounds really swell! Jody, I love you so dearly!”
Now, let’s get our caffeine!”
Sharon and I got our hot drinks and a giant blueberry muffin for each of us.
The cashier was very friendly and helpful to us. She allowed us to place our food in a special carton designed for large takeout orders.
Sharon and I walked for a few minutes before finding a nice bench to sit on. Well, we were salivating like hungry cheetahs!
“Jody, I know what that little witch Cindy did! Don’t think for a moment that she or any other witch could ever fool me.
You see, ever since ‘911’ cameras have been going up everywhere, especially in the U.S.
I know for a fact that METRO supermarket has cameras strategically placed inside and outside of their establishment.
Jody, that ‘Cindy witch’ saw the two of us descending towards Sherbrooke Street with big smiles on our faces. She couldn’t handle our camaraderie, love, and happiness. Furthermore, I think she wants to ‘snatch’ you away from me!
Jody I saw the way that little witch was smiling at you. I also saw the quick wink that she gave you.
Jody, there may have been a hidden message in her wink. Like, let’s knock off your dumb friend, or something of the sort.”
I was utterly shocked! I’d had some doubts regarding Sharon’s sanity, but at that moment, I was trembling on the inside. I didn’t want to believe it, but it was a fact; Sharon wasn’t ‘quite normal’.
“Sharon, I don’t think that Cindy meant us any harm. Besides, how was she able to quickly remove all of the pops and store them elsewhere?
Furthermore, how did she know that we were intending to purchase high caffeine drinks?”
“Jody, you don’t love me! I know that I’m right! If you don’t agree with me on this issue, I promise, something really terrible will happen soon!”
“Okay, honey, you’re right! Cindy was ‘envious’ of our special relationship and don’t you worry about my feelings towards you. I love you!”
“Jody, I don’t want you to say that just because! I want you to mean it! Please, every so often say it when your back isn’t pinned up against the wall!”
I realized what was making our conversation more troublesome. We needed to eat and drink in earnest. We were talking too much.
I pointed my right paw in the direction of Sharon’s hot drinks and then at her blueberry muffin. Luckily, she got the message.
As soon as we began to consume our food and hot drinks with earnest we got our buzz and sugar high. In essence, our moods were elevated.
After we finished our large snack, I leaped up unto Sharon’s chest then gave her three licks on the chin. She like it!
In return, Sharon held me in her arms; I felt like a little baby girl.
I closed my eyes then dozed off for a short while. I couldn’t help it.
“Jody, do you love me?”
“I guess so ... I’m just kidding! Of course I love you!”
“Jody, from now on we should be very careful. There are people out there who want to destroy our relationship. They’re envious of our love.
Jody, these people come in all shapes, sizes, races, and in both genders; especially women!
It’s worse when a woman does it; especially if ‘that’ little witch is young and beautiful. This kind of witch is very vindictive, envious, jealous, mean, and nasty!”
“Sharon, I don’t think that we have to worry that much about it. Sure, there’ll be a guy or a gal who’ll envy us for what we have ... but that kind of thing happens sparingly to most people. I mean, nobody has everything, right?”
“Jody, this beautiful tree is a GOD-send. I love nature and the beauty of living in a decent neighbourhood and lots of money.
Jody, I’m not a hungry money-sucking vampire! I see the look on your face!”
“Sharon, I don’t think that you’re a hungry money-sucking vampire.”
“Okay, Jody. I was just making sure. You know, when I was a student at UBC (University of British Columbia), several witches down the hall in our dormitory spread horrible rumours about me. Worst was, that I was sick.
Jody, I’m not sick! I’m not paranoid! I don’t think that everyone’s out to get me!”
Upon hearing that statement I got instant goose bumps. Usually when a person is that defensive about his/her sanity then something is probably wrong. The person is most likely harbouring some deep-seated doubts about his/her own sanity and mental health.
However, I couldn’t be quite sure yet. But, I was certain that Sharon had some mental abnormalities. She was a bit touchy and paranoid. Furthermore, she had some kind of envy towards some women. Finally, the man issue was a very serious matter. I had to find Sharon a good man.
Soon, I’d have to search for a fleshy android. I mean, no other kind of man could tolerate Sharon; really!
As Sharon and I were conversing under a beautiful tree we took notice of an elderly woman staring at us. She was standing at the bus stop.
I grinned at her. Being in her late seventies I figured she’d lost many family members, including her husband, and many friends and acquaintances.
The elderly woman blew me a kiss then told me that she loved me. Wow that felt good!
Unfortunately, Sharon didn’t like what transpired.
“Excuse me honey. Shouldn’t you be back in your senior’s home? This area is off limits to dinosaurs. You’re too old to be here.
Furthermore, honey, don’t you dare try to take away my best friend in the whole world from me!”
“Honey, I’m almost eighty years-old! How the hell am I going to take your friend away from you? Where will I take her? How will I take care of her? I’m on multiple medications and I don’t have long to live.”
Sharon stood up, clenched her fists, then after taking one step towards the elderly woman the number twenty four bus arrived. Thankfully, just in time.
The elderly woman slowly embarked unto the bus then took a seat.
Shockingly, as soon as the bus began to move again the elderly woman gave Sharon the finger.
“Jody, I want to drop my pants and panties then flash my gorgeous behind in that old hen’s face. What about it?”
“Please, don’t do that! Look over there! No, not there! Look over there near Westmount Park!”
“Gosh it’s a patrol car! There’s probably a policewoman inside just waiting for a young, attractive woman like myself to break the law. She’ll probably enjoy putting the cuffs on me.
Jody, you know what I’m talking about. She’s probably a fat and ugly policewoman who can’t find a man. She’s pissed off at life in general, and women in particular. She just wants to abuse, punish, torment, and humiliate another woman.
Jody, this is the worst kind of policewoman in the whole world. She probably has low self-esteem, can’t make friends, has body issues, may be a self-cutter, and probably enjoys porn and auto-erotic asphyxia. Furthermore, she probably has deep-seated fantasies about sleeping with many men; each and every one having his way with her. Oh, she’d like that!
Jody thanks for the warning! I’m glad that you’re my best friend in the whole world!”
THE EARNEST SEARCH!
Sharon and I conversed for a short while longer before we headed back home.
I was now certain that Sharon was off-beat when it came to her mental state. However, she was my best friend in the whole world. In addition, I did want to help her.
While we were walking back home half of my mind was tuned into what Sharon was saying while the other half was trying to formulate a game plan for finding a ‘fleshy android’ for Sharon.
Unfortunately, we were now in a different dimension. I didn’t even know if Dr. Hirsi even existed in our present dimension.
Either way, I planned to begin my ‘earnest search’ soon. I just needed to ponder and rest a bit. That way I’d be ‘fresh’ when I began.
Sharon and I spent the following 6 weeks doing many interesting things; taking long walks, going out to eat, shopping, going to the malls, strolling and sitting down in parks, watching television, going to the libraries, and forming a game plan for a better and richer future.
On a warm Sunday morning I decided to begin my search for a fleshy android the following day. I figured it would be the right move to begin on the first day of the work week.
Sharon was still asleep while I was sitting in the living room forming a game plan. I wasn’t sure if there were any fleshy androids in our present dimension. If not, we’d eventually have to leave or Sharon would go nuts.
Sharon’s behaviour had been somewhat awkward. I wasn’t sure if she’d always been that way or if it was a result of our inter-dimensional travelling. Anyway, I had to begin my search!
The following day I informed Sharon of my mission. As expected, she was delighted.
“Sharon, look, I think that it’s time for us to begin our search for a fleshy android. I think you need a good husband.”
“You’re absolutely right, Jody! But remember what I told you earlier, I need a man to tell me that he loves me; an honest man who won’t cheat on me; a man who won’t abuse, neglect, or berate me; a tall and handsome man; a man who is intelligent and rich; a man who’ll be satisfied with hand-holding and sweet talk without any physical stuff; a man who won’t ask me to disrobe.
Jody, I need a fleshy android, immediately!”
“Sharon, I promise to help you! But you must do your part too! We must work together as a team, not against each other.”
Sharon and I spent the next hour in the living room trying to form a game plan.
We decided to visit speak to hospital workers; that’s where it all is. Fleshy androids are sold by money-hungry physicians. We just had to find one.
Sharon and I waited until 6 P.M. before heading to the Montreal General Hospital (MGH). By 6 P.M. things should calm down a bit except the Emergency Room.
As Sharon and I were scaling Cote des Neiges Road passersby in vehicles gawked up. They must’ve felt a strong bond between Sharon and me. Maybe, it looked like a giant beam to them.
Anyhow, one particular driver irritated both of us. This guy was the worst jerk in the whole world! He let us know what was on his mind.
As Sharon and were about to cross the street to the entrance of the hospital a driver in an ugly, dark van pulled over beside us.
I knew it was bad news! This guy was obese, bald, hairy and tattoo-armed, stinky-sweaty, matted haired, obviously single and unemployed, and a criminal type.
“Hey girls, would you like a ride somewhere? I mean, I’ll take you anywhere you want.
Don’t worry I’m not a weirdo or anything. I just feel a bit sorry for you.
You girls are the talk of the entire city. You’re always together, can’t get it on with your own kind, and for some reason you totally suck with the other gender.
Now, princess, if you want me I’ll give you my van and everything else that I own.”
“No thanks fatso! If you don’t leave us alone I’ll call the Prime Minister of Canada! I’ll have him send you to Baffin Island!”
“Honey, please don’t do that! I’m very sensitive to the cold! Besides, I’m of Mediterranean stock. ‘My people’ don’t like cold weather. We love fish, especially sardines, olives and olive oil, and all the other good things in life!
I promise to be a good man! Please don’t tell my wife that I tried to pick you up.
One more thing, honey ... I’m not sick!”
As soon as the driver peeled out Sharon ran over to a rock, picked it up and cocked her arm back. Luckily, I was there. I convinced her that ‘the jerk’ simply wasn’t worth it. We had more pressing business to attend to.
“Jody, I’m going to break his window! Then he’ll know what it feels like to be disrespected!”
“Please, Sharon, don’t do that! We’ve got more pressing business to attend to. Besides, do you want the cops here?! We’ll have to flee the area fast.”
As soon as Sharon dropped the rock onto the grass she and I continued our walk to the MGH.
A short while later we entered the parting doors then proceeded to walk to the elevators.
Luckily, the area was relatively empty. Otherwise, we’d have to have returned at a later time. That wouldn’t have been good.
As soon as the elevator door opened Sharon and I entered quickly. Sharon immediately pressed the close button. We didn’t want anyone else with us in the elevator.
After Sharon pressed the number six button we waited patiently.
We were walking on the sixth floor a short while later. It was nice. But we were there for business not for pleasure.
“Sharon, why don’t we split up for a short while? We can work faster that way. I’ll take this wing, you can take that one.
Would you like to do things that way? Or should we stay together?”
“Jody, I think that we should stay together. Two brains are better than one. If we spot a friendly-looking worker we can ask him/her about fleshy androids.
Sharon and I walked ‘the beat’ for thirty minutes before we got the courage to ask someone the big question.
After searching the interior of the MGH for another thirty minutes we came across a physician.
She was attractive, in her late twenties, dark haired, cateyed, had tons of freckles throughout her body, pale-skinned, and was roughly 5 feet 9 inches tall.
“Dr. Could we please have a word or two with you. We’re having a hard time locating something very important. We decided to speak to a physician.
I’m Sharon and this is my best friend in the whole world, Jody. We’re glad to meet you.
Please, we’re looking for a fleshy android. Could you please direct us to a hospital employee who can help us?”
“Girls, let’s go over there. I want to make sure that we have our conversation in private.”
We walked over to a secluded corner. Sharon and I sat down while the physician insisted on standing up.
“Girls, tell me what you want.”
“I’m in dire straits! I need a fleshy android husband. I’ll pay big bucks to find him. I don’t care who’s selling him. Please, I’m desperate!”
“Honey, there’s no such thing as a fleshy android husband. It’s Star Trek technology thing. We’re a far cry from all of that. Believe me, honey, if I could find one of those husbands, I’d get one right now!
Besides, if there was such a thing as a fleshy android husband we would’ve heard about it on the Oprah Winfrey Show; really!
But, I wouldn’t recommend that path even if it were possible. Honey, you should be patient and persistent. Keep on searching until you’ve found Mr. Right!
Gosh I forgot to introduce myself! I apologize for that! I’m Doctor Laura Haller. I’m a visiting psychiatrist from Alberta. I’m only going to be in Montreal for another day or two.”
“I’m not sick! You can’t commit me! I haven’t done anything wrong! I don’t need your help!
Go away or I’ll call the RCMP and the Montreal Police Department (MPD).
I know what kind of person you are! You came all the way from Alberta to break Jody and me up. I know for a fact that our ‘relationship’ is the talk of the town.
You’re an envious little witch. You probably saw us walking uphill on Cote des Neiges Road. Then you decided to ruin our lives!”
“Sharon, honey, I don’t want to commit you. I don’t even know either of you. Please, trust me. I’m a psychiatrist. I got in to this field in order to help people, not harm them!
Sharon, I notice that you’re crying.”
“Sharon’s not crying. She has allergies like me.”
“Girls, I think we need a group hug. I hope you agree with me.”
I leaped up unto Dr. Haller’s Chest then awaited Sharon’s joining us.
Thankfully, we hugged each other for over a minute. Many tears were shed. Mine were allergy-induced.
After we finished our group hug Dr. Haller gave Sharon a dyad hug (two person hug), then she palmed Sharon’s face with her hands.
After a brief pause, Dr. Haller gave Sharon a kiss on each cheek.
For some reason, Dr. Haller didn’t think that that was enough. She bent over then gave Sharon a long, powerful embrace. Then she kissed her on the forehead.
“Sharon, I want to give you the three golden words: I love you! Now, I hope I’ve made you feel better.”
Afterwards, I told Sharon that I loved her. Thankfully, Sharon’s mental state improved considerably. Mind you, I understood that this was only a temporary high.
Dr. Haller knew what it felt like to be a young, attractive woman who couldn’t find Mr. Right.
One thing was certain, however, Sharon was on the verge of losing it. If she didn’t find a good man soon a psychotic episode or nervous breakdown would follow. It was that pure and simple.
It was imperative that I go into full gear to try to find Sharon a good husband; even a full-fledged human being.
After Dr. Haller said her goodbyes Sharon and I froze in place for fifteen minutes.
“Jody, we’re alone. Now we can open up to each other. I want to tell you about one of my big fantasies.
But first I want you to swear that you’ll never tell a living or a dead person about my secret fantasy. Furthermore, I want you to give me your ‘cat’s honour’ that you’ll never tell a soul the secret fantasy that I’m about to tell you. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, honey, I understand you!
I swear that I’ll never tell a living or dead person your secret fantasy. Furthermore, cat’s honour I won’t tell anyone about your secret fantasy.”
“Jody, you know exactly what kind of husband I want; no physical contact whatsoever. Except handshakes and a hug here and there; like ball players do.
But I have a deep, hidden fantasy. I want to tell you about it because you are my best friend in the whole world. And I also understand that I have become your best friend in the whole world.
Jody, I often fantasize that I’m wasted on a men’s dormitory bed, with twenty men hovering over me.
Jody, I fantasize about them having their way with me.
Jody, I’m not sick! And I’m not a little wench!
Please don’t forget it! It’s only a fantasy, it’s not real life!”
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed my brains out. The only kind of woman who’d want that is a wench; nothing short of that.
“Jody, why are you laughing at me?
Jody, you don’t love me!
Oops, that was my cue to stop my laughing immediately.
“Sharon, I was laughing at something else.
“Jody, don’t do that again; ever!
After I apologized to Sharon we continued our conversation regarding fantasies.
“Jody, now I want to know what your fantasy is.
Okay, but the rules regarding sworn secrecy apply here too. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Jody, I understand you perfectly well.
I’ve got a big crush on those two studs in SUPERNATURAL. Every time I watch that show my eyes are glued to them. I hate it when a ‘female’ pops up. I don’t want any competition from a female; anyone but a female!”
“Jody, now we have each other’s fantasy. If you dare ever tell anyone about my fantasy, I’ll certainly tell about yours.”
A short while later, Sharon and I began to yawn. We’d had it with the MGH, at least for the time being.
We slowly headed back home walking back all the way. It was a nice evening with many glittering stars in the sky.
As soon as we exited the MGH perimeter we walked north on Cote des Neiges Road for a short while before turning towards Westmount.
As soon as we entered our posh apartment we headed straight for the bedroom and crashed out. Aside from the minicounselling selling from Dr. Haller, we saw nothing but rejection for that gloomy day.
We continued our fleshy android search for the following six weeks before I got the shock of my life! It was then and there that I realized how sick Sharon was becoming.
The incident occurred at 2:30 A.M. on a Wednesday. I was dead asleep, naturally in our bed when something rudely awoke me. I don’t know till this day if it was a sudden sound or my inherent instinct to survive.
Anyhow, as soon as I opened up my teary, red eyes, I saw Sharon in the nude, holding a steak knife, glaring at me, and regarding her body position she was hovering right over me. Naturally, I was shocked!
“Sharon, what are you doing in the nude, with that knife in your hand? Furthermore, why are you glaring at me? You look like you want to bludgeon me to death with that awful steak knife in your hand!”
“Jody Wilson ... you don’t love me! I’m not a self-cutter! I didn’t cut ‘my bun’!
If you love me you’ll find me a husband! I know you’re enjoying this ... your watching me die a painful lonely death! You want me to die so you can have all of this wealth at your disposal!
Jody, if you love me you’ll prove it to me! I want a husband within a week or else I’ll never speak to you again, ever!”
“Sharon, honey, I do love you! But I think that the fleshy android search is over. We must search for a good ‘human husband’.
And, no, I’m not trying to harm or kill you! I want you to get better. I promise after breakfast we’ll work together on our search.
Now, Sharon, please put the steak knife on the table then come back here. Afterwards, I want you to slowly turn around and get close to me.
I want to see your cuts! Damn it, Sharon! Don’t ever cut yourself! Even if you’re feeling down and out! You may graduate to a higher level of self abuse, like suicide!”
“Jody, I did not cut myself! I’ll get rid of this steak knife but I won’t allow you to see my buns. Besides, I’m not a little girl. I’m a woman! I can’t allow any person to see my nude body at will.”
“I’m not anybody! I’m your best friend in the whole world! Besides, I’m a cat! You better turn around or else I’ll be ashamed of you forever!”
Sharon’s inner pain was catapulted out in the open. It was a sad scene but nevertheless it was a lot better than selfcutting. I had to play the part of an ‘emergency cat therapist’.
“No, you’re a very beautiful girl!”
“Jody, why are you not looking at my body directly?”
“Sharon, I don’t exactly make it a habit of staring at nude humans.”
“You think that I’m fat and ugly! I have a blubbery body. Look I have fat underneath my chest.”
“Sharon, you’re very skinny! Regarding your ‘chest’ of course you have some fat underneath it, you’re a woman!”
“Jody, I want to look like a little scrawny girl; a preteen; no breasts, no stomach, cute-faced, innocent looking, and no buns!
Jody, why can’t I be like you?! Ever since I met you you’re still the same. You’re still built like a kitten. Also, your voice hasn’t changed at all!
Jody? Why are you that way?”
“Sharon, are you absolutely certain that I still look like a kitten? Maybe, you’re imagining this?”
“Jody Wilson, I’m not sick! Please don’t insinuate or imply that I’m sick! I’m not sick!”
“I’m sorry, Sharon. Just show me the proof before my very own eyes.”
Sharon turned on the lamp light then waved me over to the mirror behind the chest cabinet.
My dear gosh! I got the shock of my life! I was built like a kitten!
Afterwards, Sharon taped my voice then played it back just in case I didn’t believe her about the kitten voice part.
“Jody, you want to be a kitten so badly, not growing up and all, that your anatomy, physiology, and psyche are still at the kitten stage. I wish Jean Piaget the famous developmental psychologist was here to see this.
Jody, you are an incredible anomaly. That’s one of the reasons that I love you so much!
Please don’t tell anyone about my little secret. Look, I’m going to turn around and let you see my buns.”
Sharon turned around so I could see her buns. Wouldn’t you know it she had several cuts on them. Yes, indeed, she was a self-cutter.
“Sharon, please let’s seek help in this matter. I promise to accompany you on every single therapy session. Also, I’ll hold your hand during the sessions. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be there in full gear.
Don’t worry about my level of experience in this matter. I certainly am experienced. I’ve seen the worst of female mental disease (FMD).
Sharon, FMD is a very serious matter, indeed. There’s no telling how many women are self-abusers (physical and/mental). I’ve seen and heard about many cases.
Sharon, you seem to have a problem with the way you look. Also, you may have problems with your stages of development. Please, tomorrow morning we can call a hospital or clinic in the area.”
“Jody, I’m not sick!”
“Honey, I never said that you were sick. I was referring to FMD. Illness or ‘sickness’ in this context is nothing to be ashamed of.
Sharon, I have nothing but the best intent for you. If you don’t want to go to therapy for now at least let us search for a man for three consecutive days. We can work at it from dawn to dusk.
If we come up empty handed, then we can consider some kind of therapy or at the extreme end we can return to the path. How far afterwards we go will depend on our mood and what happens beforehand.”
“Jody, I want you to ask over a hundred men a day if they’ll marry me. I shall do the same. That means six hundred attempts in three days. If nothing happens I’ll seriously consider a viable option.”
Sharon and I returned to bed. Thankfully we were able to sleep six more hours; thereby allowing us to awaken fully refreshed.
At noon Sharon fixed us a very tasty breakfast. Mind you it was very high in calories, but worth every bit.
“Jody, eat up! I’ll do the same!”
Before our eyes were six scrambled eggs, four waffles, two muffins, milk, juice, toast, jelly, margarine, syrup, tea, coffee, and water. What a life!
After breakfast Sharon cleaned up the kitchen area. All that moving helped her digest her meal.
A short while later Sharon and I were ready to begin our work. Thankfully, Sharon realized that it was well passed dawn. We’d lost a big part of the day. I managed to convince Sharon to give us an extra day.
We left our apartment building with renewed vigour. We had much treading, talking, and hoping to do.
I inherently knew that Sharon had to get a husband before the deadline or else something terrible would happen.
As we were descending the mountain we took notice of a handsome man, perhaps in his mid-thirties dressed in an expensive suit and tie. His slacks were dark and specially tailored. His shoes were shiny and expensive-looking.
I was hoping that he was the one and only Mr. Right. In that regard I convinced Sharon to let me start up a conversation with him.
I cautiously approached the man keeping one eye on his hands and the other on his legs. It’s part of being a cat.
Humans can be the sweetest persons in the whole world. Unfortunately, other humans can be explosively cruel; lightening fast, deceiving, sadistic, abusive, neglectful, arrogant, proud, annoying, and other personality traits that cannot be stated in this story. They’re simply too horrible.
As I got closer to the man he eventually took notice of me. Then I took notice of his ring. I wasn’t sure at first so I asked him.
“Excuse me sir. Are you married? You see that beautiful woman over there? She’s looking for a husband. She wants to spend the rest of her life with Mr. Right.”
“Kitty, things don’t work that way. Only in the movies can you meet someone and end up marrying them without even knowing them.
People can’t just marry each other after a brief meeting. Kitty, your friend over there is very beautiful, indeed. But I cannot accept her as a wife!
Between you and me I think she’s sick. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but if she thinks that Mr. Right will fall off a tree, like an apple, she’s in for a rude awakening.
I recommend that you keep at it, without any let-up. Go to good places, not crappy ones like bars and discos. These places are good for meeting ‘one nigh stands’.
I do, however, commend you for trying to help your dear friend.
Another thing, kitty, do you see that attractive woman spying on us from behind the kitchen window?”
“Yes, I certainly do see her!”
“Kitty, I’m a newlywed. That’s my horrific wife! Just please don’t tell anyone that I said that. Kitty, she’s driving me up the wall!”
“Gosh you must be suffering immensely! Look, let me leap unto your chest and give you a kitty kiss and a few paws on the face. I’m sure it’ll make you feel much better.”
I leaped up unto the man’s chest then readied myself for a big kiss. Unfortunately, there’s a party pooper around every corner.
‘Hey, you little witch! Don’t you dare kiss my husband! He’s mine, and nobody else has the right to kiss him! One more thing; I’m not sick! I’m only trying to protect my husband from a little witch!”
“Don’t worry, toots! I promise I won’t kiss your husband! I’ll just give him a good pawing or two!”
“Honey, I’ve got a steak knife in my hand! Don’t make me use it!
Listen to me: get off my husband ... now!”
I leaped onto the ground then turned to face the man. I didn’t walk away from him because he looked like he had something important to say to me.
Meanwhile, Sharon was frozen like a pop sickle. Maybe she was shocked at the woman’s behaviour.
Kitty, I want to tell you something very important. Please don’t spread this around; it’s top secret. Cat’s honour you won’t tell anyone?”
“Cat’s honour I won’t tell anyone.”
Kitty, I plan on knocking off my wife within the next few months. You see, my current employment is at the Royal Victoria Hospital (RVH).
My contract ends in two months! Wow!
Kitty, I’ve already convinced my wife that we should move to Vancouver after my contract ends. However, we will be going by car; our car that is.
As soon as we reach central Ontario I’ll go due north for a few hours.
As soon as we arrive at the designated site I’ll convince my wife to get out of the car. Afterwards, I’ll execute her.
Kitty, please don’t think so ... I’m not sick! My wife’s a total bitch and she’s very cruel to me. I’ve tried to be nice to her but she keeps bitching at me!
I can’t even talk to a female animal ... my goodness! Furthermore, my wife told me that if I ever tried to get a divorce her she’ll call the police and tell them that I assaulted her.
Kitty, my freaking wife gave me a sample viewing of her crying abilities. Furthermore, that psycho-case terrified me a few weeks ago. I was in bed sleeping away then I suddenly awakened by a sound, only to see ‘her’ naked, rings underneath her eyes, and clutching a steak knife.
Kitty, I don’t know anyone who knows how I feel! I mean, my wife was glaring at me, hovering over my bed, in the middle of the freaking night!
If I don’t kill that little bitch I think that she’ll chop off my privates; really kitty!”
“Doctor, I know someone who knows how you feel. You wouldn’t believe the story if I told you; really.
Anyhow, sir, I’ll tell you what to do: take notes of every abnormal action the she took in the past, today, and in the future then have her committed.
A handsome man like you, who is also a specialist and good looking shouldn’t have to live with a psycho like your wife. Oh, one last thing; under no circumstances should she be allowed to carry your child/children. If so it’ll cause you more headaches.”
“Kitty, I love you!”
“Sir, I love you too!”
“Damn you, you little witch! You can’t say that to my husband! Now it’s too late! I’m coming after you with my steak knife!”
“Kitty, you and your beloved friend better haul ass! I mean it! I’ll take care of my creepy wife!
Another thing, I wish your beloved friend the best of luck. I’m sorry, but I know a mentally unstable woman when I see one. Golly, I sleep, eat, and converse with one.”
As soon as I ran towards Sharon the man’s wife exited her house brandishing a large steak knife. Gosh we were terrified!
Sharon and I kept on running and running, not caring about our anything in the world but getting away from that psycho.
As soon as Sharon and I stopped running it became apparent to us that there was no way that we could ever find a Mr. Right; I mean we were going about it the wrong way.
“Jody, just call it quits! Please, I’m all stressed out from our search. No more!
“I’ll make friends with members of the animal kingdom, plants, and a select few women. In addition, I’ll do a lot of reading, walking, mall eating, and whatever else it takes to get my mind off of Mr. Right.
BE LIKE US!
Although I suspected that something terribly wrong was going to happen I kept my mouth shut.
Sharon and I found ourselves just a block away from our apartment building. In all our running we subconsciously retraced our steps back home. Sharon was exhausted, overstressed, depressed, and anxious.
Although I was very worried about her I dared not speak, at least for a few more days until she recovered a bit. Otherwise, she may have had a nervous breakdown, or worse.
As soon as we entered our apartment we walked over to the bedroom then crashed out. I don’t know how many hours we slept for but upon awakening it seemed like we’d come out of a coma.
I kept the man’s secret about knocking off his wife. I had enough problems on my mind. The last thing I wanted was to end up at the police station, repeating my story over and over again then going up against a wealthy man who probably had a good attorney at hand.
Besides, any court proceedings, if it came down to it, would take too much time, energy, and emotion out of me. Worse yet, there were no witnesses to the so-called’ advanced confession’.
Sharon and I followed the same routine for the next several months. Although things weren’t exactly the best, I just wanted us to live a normal life in a good neighbourhood, in a nice mansion (or palace), and as filthy rich folks who other people envy. That’s not asking or much. Is it?
Sharon’s behaviour became more and more bazaar. Furthermore, her temper tantrums, especially those in public, were causing me much anxiety.
In fact, I’d really just about had enough of it! I was seriously contemplating an ultimatum: GO TO THERAPY OR ELSE I WILL NO LONGER CONSIDER YOU MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD!
The last straw occurred on a Friday. Sharon and I awakened at the same time, as usual.
At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. If I only knew!
“Jody, what do you want to have for breakfast?”
“Sharon, let’s go easy this morning. A very large bowl of cereal and milk ought to do the job.”
Sharon agreed with me. Breakfast consisted of Corn Flakes and much milk in each of two bowls.
After breakfast Sharon and I did the usual things; clean up, wash up, dry up, get ready to take a good long walk.
As soon as we left our apartment building I notice something peculiar about Sharon. She seemed to be pre-occupied with something; like an addiction. I wasn’t quite sure, but I persisted in keeping my eyes and ears on the alert. I surely didn’t want anything bad to happen to my beloved friend Sharon.
We walked for roughly an hour before returning home. The workout was good. Good enough to cause us some major hunger pangs.
“Jody, let’s hold back on our meal for a short while. We can go out and have a tasty and enjoyable meal at the Eaton Centre. Fridays and Mondays are good days to go out and eat. Friday is the end of the work week while Monday is a relatively empty day. We can get the best of both worlds.
Let’s watch some television and have a popcorn, crackers, and fruit cocktails snack. How does that sound to you?
“That sounds very nice! Let’s go for it! A big snack will hold us over for a while; before we can hit the Eaten Centre. After watching television for roughly thirty minutes Sharon started with her questions again.
“Jody, am I the most beautiful girl in the whole world?”
“Yes, honey, you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
“Do I deserve to be in the spotlight, more so than Paris Hilton and those other celebrity actresses?”
“Yes, honey, you certainly do! If they ever saw you envy would engulf their minds!”
“Jody, cat’s honour you’re telling the truth?”
“Yes, honey, I swear it ... cat’s honour.”
“Jody, aren’t I prettier than Giselle Bundchen, Paris Hilton, Sarah Michele Gellar, Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansen, Kristin Kreuk, and all the other celebrity beauties out there?”
“Yes honey, you are as you wish to be.”
Sharon went on and on with unusual questions. I was really worried about her. But, I held myself back. I was waiting for one more ‘episode’ before I’d call it quits. After that, there would be no more waiting.
Sharon and I were delayed because she inadvertently broke her key in the door as she was locking it.
We had to go downstairs and tell the manager what happened. Luckily, Mr. Adams was a kind and understanding man. He’d been a locksmith in his youth.
After fixing the lock he told us that our key was defective; thereby not charging us for the repairs or the new key.
Too bad Mr. Adams was a short, fat, sweaty, middle-aged man. If he’s been half way decent looking I would’ve tried to set him up with Sharon. Well, that’s life.
Sharon and I left our apartment building at 3:30 P.M. We slowly descended the mountain leading to Sherbrooke Street.
As soon as we entered Sherbrooke Street we crossed over to the other side so we could wait for the number 24 bus, which would take us to within easy walking distance of the Eaten Centre.
After waiting for roughly ten minutes the bus finally arrived. We boarded the bus then waited patiently until arriving at our stop.
Our ride was so comfortable we almost fell asleep. Luckily, several other passengers wanted to get off at our stop. Their commotion awakened us.
As soon as we disembarked the bus we headed straight for the Eaten Centre.
On our way there a wino tried to open up a conversation with us. A bad move indeed.
“Hey, girls how’s it going? Look, I’m not a drink. I’m not addicted to anything. I’m a law-abiding citizen. And most important of all I’m not sick!
I just need a twenty to get me by for the rest of the day. I promise that I will not buy any alcohol or illicit drugs. I’m a good man.
By the way, girls, do you want any company?”
“I couldn’t bear to smell the wino any longer. Sharon almost puked.
Although I sympathized with the wino I wasn’t ready to give him any ‘booze money’.
“Excuse me! You asked for it, you got it ... public drunkenness, homelessness, stinky smell, unemployment, begging, poverty, and disrespect from the public at large.
Sonny, you stay right there and rot your brains out! I know you weren’t born on the streets. You did something wrong! That’s why you’re homeless! I don’t want to hear any of your stinky excuses! As for money, I don’t want to give you any of my money. Why the hell should I? You’ll just spend it on booze and whatever else is bad for you!
You know something you give the good and victimized homeless persons a bad name!
I know that some people lose their jobs and are unable to bounce back and find another job in time. They’re thrown out of their residences.
Other homeless persons have gone kaput from a catastrophe like an investment that has gone under or a business that went under.
Sonny, there is one more group of homeless persons; the group that I sympathize with the most; runaways from sexual abuse, physical abuse, and/or verbal abuse.
You, on the other hand have a bottle of Whiskey in your hand and smell of booze. I’ve seen you staggering on the sidewalk and even on the street.
I personally couldn’t care less what happens to you. As far as I’m concerned we’d be better off if you were deported to Siberia or Baffin Island.
You people stink up our streets, and especially our Metro! When one of you sits down and drinks, smokes, pukes, urinates, poops, it stinks up the whole damn area! The mere smell of you is nauseating!”
As soon as we entered the Eaten Centre I convinced Sharon to go upstairs to the fourth floor and walk a few laps.
The fourth floor is very nice, clean, and relatively isolated from the large crowds. I figured Sharon needed at least an hour of walking and then sitting to calm down.
I noticed that Sharon’s fists were clinched, her face was pale, and her biceps and forearms were flexed. She was in the mood or a big fight. As such, I wasn’t going to take any chances with her beating up a wino. He simply wasn’t worth it.
After a nice indoor walk we decided to sit down for a while. It was the best thing to do.
Sharon and I conversed for a while before our hunger pangs returned.
At that point we understood that we had to eat and drink. So, we descended to the ground floor and walked to the nearest Dollar Store.
Once inside we took hold of several cold pops and some super caffeinated drinks to take back with us to the Eaton Centre Food Court.
Thankfully, we didn’t need to purchase any sweets. Sharon had placed some goodies inside her shoulder bag before we left home.
A short while later, Sharon and I were strolling through the Eaton Centre Food Court.
It didn’t take us long to figure out where we were going to eat. We decided on Asian food.
Asian-vegetarian, especially Japanese and Korean is the easiest to digest. This is followed by Chinese and Thai food; unless of course, you opt for soup. Soup is easy to swallow. Just make sure it’s not very hot first.
We decided to eat at Thai Express; a nice food stand that sells Thailand foods.
Luckily, there were no people in line. Sharon took hold of a tray then waited for the food stand worker to take her order.
The worker was a young, beautiful Asian girl with jet black hair, pale skin, gorgeous brown eyes, and an athletic body. She definitely went to the gym on a regular basis. I figured she had at least three boyfriends. But, that was only conjecture.
“Hello girls! May I take your order, or would you like to wait a bit longer to make up your mind?”
“We know exactly what we want. Please give us two vegetarian plates from the number five special, with an egg and non-spicy.
My best friend in the whole world and I can’t handle spicy foods.”
“No problem. You will get what you ordered; perhaps more of it but never less of it.”
Sharon paid for our meal then waited patiently until the dessert problem manifested itself. You see, Sharon has this peculiar habit regarding even numbers and desserts.
“Jody, I only have one freaking dessert; a giant chocolate chip cookie for me and an oatmeal cookie for you!”
“Jody, I can’t eat one dessert of anything! You know what kind of person I am. I mean, Jody, you know that I’m not sick. I just can’t deal with this problem!”
As soon as the food stand worker gave us our order a gargantuan problem ensued.
“Honey, I only have one dessert in my shoulder bag. Actually, I made a mistake. I thought that I placed two desserts for myself and one for Jody.
Now, I’d like to purchase one Thai dessert please.”
“Madam, I’m very sorry! We just ran out of desserts a short while ago. You see, desserts are not a big seller. So, we make the least amount needed.”
“What the hell do you mean, there are no more desserts! I can’t freaking eat just one dessert! Ask Jody! My desserts must be in even numbers; no odd numbers whatsoever. And, one more thing, honey ... I’m not sick!
Give me a freaking dessert or I’ll ‘sick’ my temper on you!”
“I’m sorry, madam, please don’t be angry at me. I’m only a worker here.
The poor worker opened up her meal box then pulled out an Asian-looking dessert. Somehow, it didn’t look ‘Thai’.
“Honey, where are you from? I take it you’re not from Thailand!”
“Actually, I’m from China.”
“You little witch! That’s fraud! You’re not even from Thailand! This is fraud and I’m sick of it! Damn it, this goes on all the time!”
You have deceived me, Jody, and numerous other customers!”
I didn’t know how ignorant Sharon was regarding immigration matters until she opened her mouth again. It was so funny I had to laugh.
“Honey, I want to see your Canadian Green Card! Let me see it, now!
Jody, why are you laughing at me?!
Jody, we’re best friends in the whole world, aren’t we?!”
“Actually, I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at something else.”
“You better not be laughing at me, or else!”
Her statement gave me the creeps. I was now contemplating leaving Sharon. Her behaviour was becoming too wacky for me. However, I would give it one or two more tries before leaving would be the only viable option.
After we sat down to eat I noticed a large crowd of onlookers. As soon as I gawked at them they began to disperse. Sharon was ruining my reputation throughout the entire city.
“Jody, why can’t everyone be like us? Why can’t they?”
“Gosh Sharon in Canada ‘we’ believe in multiculturalism. It’s really nice to have people from all over the world, all races, and everything else in the formula, converging in one country.
Sharon I wouldn’t like to live in a world where everyone looked, spoke, and behaved like us. It just wouldn’t be fine!|
“Jody, you don’t love me! I just want people to be like us! What’s the big deal with that?!”
“Sharon, I’m sorry for sounding ‘unloving’. I do love you from the bottom of my love filled heart.”
Sharon and I began to eat but not before we decided to change the subject of our conversation. It’s not healthy to eat while you’re pissed off or talking about high-anxiety issues.
As soon as Sharon’s sugar and caffeine levels began to elevate I took advantage of the moment. I told her that I needed to get some pepper from the food stand.
It worked. Sharon didn’t suspect anything. If she’d found out what I’d been up to our friendship would’ve been over.
As soon as I reached the Thai Express food stand I leaped unto the counter then called out to the worker. For some reason there was nobody else working that shift. Well, it was all to my advantage.
“Honey, please come here. I want to talk to you.
Look, first I’m sorry for Sharon’s horrible behaviour. She’s starting to lose it. I just want her to get better.
However, that’s not why I’m here. Please tell me your name.”
“Kitty, my name is Linda Wang. Please talk to me for as long as you can. I’m under so much stress working, going to school, and having to put up with super witches like your fried Sharon.
Thankfully, she’s the first super-witch I’ve had to deal with at work. Most of them are just waiting to pounce on someone.”
“Linda, I think that you are a very beautiful young woman. Your eyes are really sweet; your hair is really long, black, and straight, and you seem like a really good-natured person.
I hope to speak to you under better circumstances. Please give me your phone number. Just don’t write it down. I’ll memorize it. Sharon’s very vindictive, envious, and jealous of other women. I can’t befriend any other ‘female’ without her permission; which is basically never.
Linda, unless you’re an old hen, I have to see and speak to you in secret; away from Sharon’s creepy attitude.
Linda, when I first laid eyes upon you I figured that you had three or four boyfriends. I mean, like, you’re so beautiful.”
“Jody, I love you! I wish that I was your best friend in the whole world!”
“Linda, I love you too! But I think that I better be getting back to Sharon. I notice that she keeps glancing over at us. Please give me a packet of pepper. That was the excuse that I used on her.”
After getting my packet of pepper I hurried back to Sharon. Thankfully, she didn’t suspect anything.
The rest of our meal went just fine; no voice raising, indigestion, or any sly remarks about any other person. Sharon’s sugar and caffeine levels were nice and high.
MY LITTLE SECRET
Sharon and I ate our meals, washed up then took a nice long walk. We were both tensed up after ‘the incident’.
I didn’t know what the problem was with my friends. It was like every time I became attached to a human I later discovered that he/she, mostly she, had serious mental issues.
If Sharon had crossed the line one more time, it would probably meal the end of our friendship; really.
For the following three months there were no real incidents. Well, actually there was one mini-incident. Let me tell you about it.
It occurred on a Thursday evening on the peripheral of the Westmount Square.
Sharon and I had decided to walk home. We took an alternative route through a long corridor that begins from Atwater and leads to the Westmount Square.
Everything seemed to be going just fine until Sharon opened the door leading to the Westmount Square. I entered through then a very handsome man, well-built, tall, rich looking entered after me.
Apparently, Sharon had opened the door for both of us. The man gave a customary and expected thank you then continued walking. Although he was grinning he didn’t look back at Sharon.
At the moment I didn’t think much of it. However, Sharon did. She totally went berserk on the man.
“Stop ... Mister! I just opened the door for you! Now ... you must marry me!
You have to marry me or else!”
The man turned towards Sharon for a split second then sped up. He understood that ‘the woman’ shouting at him was not of sane mind. Being a businessman, he probably didn’t want to tangle with Sharon. In essence, he had much to lose.
Shockingly, Sharon proceeded to follow the man. Mind you, I objected strenuously all to no avail.
“You come back here! You must marry me or else!”
The man stopped in his tracks, turned to face Sharon, then spoke his mind.
“Madam, although you are nice looking, and I’m sure a nice person, I can’t marry you because I’m already married to the sweetest woman in the whole world. Furthermore, she’s pregnant with ‘our twins’.
Please leave me alone, or else I will notify security. If that’s not enough to stop you then I’ll call the police. I’m dead serious about this!”
“Honey, I know that you love me. You smiled at me after I opened the door for you.”
Of course I smiled at you for opening the door for me. I’d do the same for a dog or a cat. That’s not all. I also thanked you for opening the door for me. And, may I add, that should’ve been it.”
“Honey, leave that wench of a wife, or whatever else she is! As of now, you belong to me!”
I intercepted their conversation by dragging Sharon back to the corridor. I took a firm hold of her pant leg and pulled with all of my might.
Meanwhile, the man took advantage of the moment; he turned then hauled. I would’ve done the same thing.
“Jody, let go of my pant leg!|
After pulling Sharon to a secluded corner I tackled her to the floor then stood up on her sternum. I was no eye-to-eye with her.
“Sharon, so help me! If you ever pull off a stunt like that again or humiliate me in public I’ll leave you!”
I may have been a bit too harsh on Sharon but that’s what she needed; a strong bitching out.
Naturally, she began to cry. In response, I pawed her face then kissed her on the forehead.
I glanced up at the camera several times to warn her. She got the message. We backtracked back to Atwater then exited onto Maisonneuve Street. From there we headed westwards.
Believe me my adrenalin level shot up through the clouds. I was so humiliated and pissed off as all hell.
As soon as we arrived home I didn’t give the customary ‘good night’ to Sharon. She understood why.
In addition, I didn’t share the bed with her as usual. I slept on the sofa.
As soon as I closed my eyes I fell into a deep sleep. Dreaming on-and-off but not awakening until I was startled by a heavy thumping noise.
I was utterly startled and baffled. It was 3:15 P.M. and the sound couldn’t have been attributed to construction work.
I opened my eyes then went straight to the restroom where I washed my face. I wanted to investigate the matter.
Naturally, my first instinct was to see if Sharon was okay. If that was the case then ninety percent of my stress and anxiety would dissipate.
I knocked on the bedroom door and waited patiently for an answer from Sharon.
After this method failed I tried to speak to her.
“Sharon, my dear are you all right? Is everything okay? Do you need any assistance?”
I stood there for another minute before deciding to enter our bedroom.
As soon as I entered the door I got the shock of my life! Sharon was tied up and had a bag over her face. She was hardly breathing.
I must say that it was a miracle that she put the bag on the wrong way. If she’d done it the right way she would’ve most likely have died.
Beside Sharon were several ‘dirty magazines’. I was shocked! But I also knew exactly what Sharon was trying to do. You see, she had a serious psychiatric/psychological problem. It is called AUTO EROTIC ASPHYXIA.
This is a very horrible problem. The ‘asphyxiad’ literally gets off on suffocating themselves. It’s supposed to give the asphyxiad an ultimate high/orgasm.
After getting over the sudden shock of it all I scratched and bit apart the plastic bag. Afterwards, I loosened the noose around Sharon’s neck then removed it.
I called 911 and told the switchboard operator what happened and gave her our complete home address. Thankfully she was polite, calm, empathetic, helpful, and very reassuring. These are necessary attributes of an emergency service switchboard operator.
“This is emergency, 911. How may I help you?”
“Please, my best friend in the whole world tried to asphyxiate herself! I ... mean ... she’s got auto erotic asphyxia!”
“Honey, is she breathing?”
“Yes, but she looks very sickly. Like, umm ... she’s come back from the dead!”
“Honey, is she fully or partially conscious?”
“No, she’s out cold!”
The switchboard operator gave me complete instruction to follow. I made sure to do exactly as she said. As far as I was concerned she was my boss for the entire conversation.
A short while later the emergency technicians arrived at the scene.
As soon as I let them into the apartment I pointed to the bedroom. Without any hesitation they went there.
I’m sorry to say this but it was a very sad and humiliating scene. I wasn’t sure how Sharon was going to come out of her physical problem; but if she did make it, her psychological problems were going to be horrible!
I had to do what I had to do! My best friend in the whole world was dying. So, I called 911!
After the ambulance technicians placed Sharon on the gurney and gave her oxygen they took her pulse and blood pressure. Thankfully, she didn’t die.
“Kitty, does your friend have any relatives to notify?”
“No, actually, I’m like family. Just call me up.”
After I gave one of the two ambulance technicians my cell phone number a short exchange occurred then they took Sharon to the MGH.
I told the ambulance technicians that I had to stay in till the next day. The mere shock of what I saw took much energy out of my mind and body.
I managed to leap unto one of our living room sofas then crash out. I must have been out for many hours.
Upon awakening I went to the fridge and got myself some milk. I managed to pour milk into a large bowl of Corn Flakes. Thankfully I didn’t spill anything.
With Sharon around it was her job to prepare meals. Now I felt like a bachelorette cat; fixing my own meals and feeling lonely to the bone.
The following week was full of stress and apprehension. I managed to visit Sharon three times but only when she was sound asleep.
I was lucky to be able to visit her. Apparently, they transferred Sharon to a ‘special room’. The special room was reserved for psychiatric patients that were a possible threat to themselves or the public at large.
My appetite for solid foods had diminished. I managed to fix myself a few morsels of meat. However, my appetite for milk increased.
On the seventh day of Sharon’s ‘residency’ at the MGH she decided to call me. Mind you, this probably the most horrendous phone conversation that I’d ever had.
It was early morning and I was licking a malted vanilla drink when all of a sudden the home phone started ringing.
Instantly, I took my last gulp then leaped unto the counter. Thankfully, I managed to take the phone off the hook.
“Hello, can I help you?”
“Jody, it’s me, Sharon!”
“Oh Sharon, how are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling like a used up wench! Do you know what it feels like to have your best friend in the whole world stab you in the heart?
I mean, you do understand my innate need to defend myself. I must do it!”
There was something unusual about the words that Sharon used. I needed clarification.
“Sharon, you’re not blaming me for what happened, are you? I mean I’m the one who called 911 and helped to save your life.”
“Jody, you little witch! You ruined it for me! I did this kind of thing back in school. I wouldn’t have died!
Jody, I can’t allow a little witch like you to humiliate me. So, you do understand why I’m going to do it, right!
“Huh, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please clarify your statement!”
“Jody, I need to have another blood test taken in a short while. As soon as the fat nurse enters my hospital bedroom I will tell her what really happened.
“Jody, you assaulted me! Your paw prints are literally strewn across my apartment.
Jody, you were physically and mentally abusive towards me. Jody, you tried to kill me! You tied me up, made me look at several horribly filthy magazines, and finally you placed a plastic bag over my head.
I’m not forewarning you because I love you. That’s long gone. You abandoned me! I wasn’t going to die! I was coming back from the dead!”
“Sharon, please don’t do this to me! As soon as I saw you I removed the plastic bag from your head then loosened whatever knots that I could.
Sharon, I did all of that because I love you! You should thank me for saving your life!”
“Jody you do understand that I can’t allow anyone to find out about my ‘little secret’!
I advise you to leave town, then to leave the entire province. You’ll need to hitch a ride off someone.
Jody, just lick your wounds and leave, forever! One last thing; I’m not sick!”
I was shocked! The Montreal Police were going to be knocking on my door very soon.
I quickly guzzled a large quantity of water, milk, and precooked hamburger meat. I gorged on the meat as a lioness gorges on a nice wildebeest carcass.
I was certain that upon leaving the apartment I’d instantly become homeless. What a terrible shame!
But first, I conducted a quick and thorough brainstorm. I wasn’t going to take this lying down. I had to land a punch or two before disappearing!
Eureka! Deep inside my head was the ultimate act of retaliation! And I found it!
I walked over to the kitchen then opened up the Yellow Pages book. After searching for ‘the number’ I went back to the living room then called ‘the number’.
After three rings a young woman with a beautiful voice answered.
“Hello, this is Linda of the Montreal Gazette personals ads section. How may I help you?”
“I’ve got a big story that I want to be published in tomorrow’s Gazette; it must be on the front page, with a large picture of the person it’s about, and uncensored.
Can that be done, or should I contact another newspaper?”
“Oh my dear; is that you, Jody!
Jody, don’t you remember me? This is Linda Wang from the Eaton Centre food court.
Do you know what that little witch friend of yours did to me? Jody, she got me fired! At the end of my shift the owner of the food stand gave me the bad news. He saw and heard what transpired. He thinks that I started the problem with your little witch friend.
“Oh, yes, I remember you! How are you, Linda?”
“Jody, I love you!”
Although Linda’s statement was totally out of context and seemed a bit unusual I was in no position to question her intent.
“Linda, I’m so glad to hear your voice!”
“Jody, I’m waiting for a quick response. Remember, I sent you the three golden words, now you have to do your!”
“Okay, Linda, I love you too!”
“That’s more like it, Jody. Now what was your reason for calling the Gazette?”
“It has to do with Sharon Peabody, my little witch friend. She’s got a big problem. You see, I recently saw her in our bedroom nude, tied up, and with a plastic bag covering her entire face and head.
Also, there were dirty magazines strewn across the carpet. You see, Sharon was unconscious, so I called 911. She blames me for calling the ambulance technicians.
I can’t help it if Sharon’s got an auto erotic asphyxia problem.”
“Oh my dear am I loving this! Jody, what else do you have for me?
“Sharon’s going to tell the police that I tied her up and tried to put her in a coma, and that I’m an abusive kitten.”
Oh gosh what else is there?”
“Sharon can’t make it with any man. She recently searched for a fleshy android. She wanted him for herself.”
“Jody, what else is there? I know there’s on big bomb that you want to tell the world about. Please tell me!”
“Like, umm, she has a fantasy about being wasted, lying on her back, and then twenty guys have their way with her.
There’s one more thing; Sharon Peabody wants everyone to be like ‘us’. She’s afraid of anyone who isn’t like ‘us’.”
“Jody, I promise that I will get all of this information down and guarantee that it will be in tomorrow’s paper, front page, not only in our paper but in every single paper in the entire city and all of the boroughs!”
“Wait, that’s not all! Linda, I’m going to give the doorman one of my apartment keys. I will inform him that someone from the Montreal Gazette named Linda Wang should take my key and enter my apartment for business. I will make certain that he does not question you at all.
Phillip is a very good man. In addition, he told me that he loves me. Therefore, I’m certain that he’ll do as I ask of him.
Linda, I want you to enter my apartment and ‘download’ a picture of Sharon so the whole world can know what she looks like, and do your reporting about her dirty magazines, kinky paraphernalia, and whatever else you see that is incriminating. I want that bimbo destroyed!”
“Jody, just leave everything out in the open. It’s all right if I bring two experts from the Montreal Gazette crew, right?”
“Yes, do whatever you need to do. Furthermore, I want a copy of tomorrow’s paper to be placed next to Sharon’s hospital bed.
She’s no longer in the special room. I’m sure you’ll find her hospital room easily.”
“Jody, I’ll do it all and some. But, I need to speak to you about an important issue, all right?
“Yes, go ahead, I’m all cat ears.”
“Jody, like, umm, I’m not sick or anything. Like, umm, if Sharon dies ... I mean ... if she is officially no longer with you can I be your best friend in the whole world?
Please, Jody, I understand that you’ve probably had quite a few weirdo friends. But, I’m neither a weirdo and I’m certainly not sick!
Jody, I promise, I’ve never been on psychiatric medication nor have I ever been labelled as a psycho case.
“Jody, please, if I pull this job off, can I be your best friend in the whole world?!”
“Yes, Linda, you can be my best friend in the whole world! But please, pull this job off fast! That little witch is trying to sick the Montreal Police on me.”
After Linda and I exchanged phone numbers and home addresses we said our goodbyes then did what we had to.
Instantly, I quickly began to rummage through Sharon’s chest drawers, closet, and thankfully even found her personal diary. As far as I was concerned the gloves came off.
The big prizes were the kinky paraphernalia, including the special plastic bags and rope. Not to mention a ‘how to’ book. Where and how she got this book I surely don’t know.
I left everything in plain sight for Linda and her coworkers to see, inspect, download, and report about in the following day’s issue.
After finishing my ‘work’ I hustled down to the lobby and scanned the area for Phillip.
Thankfully, Phillip was in front of the main entrance greeting anyone entering or leaving the building.
After giving Phillip careful instructions about what to do I decided to take a long walk. I didn’t want to be around when Linda and her co-workers did their work.
A DAY IN MONTREAL
When I returned home I slept like a kitty. Thankfully, I awakened just after dawn. The whole day and night were ahead of me. I wouldn’t be able to read the day’s issue of the Montreal Gazette until late in the evening. As always, a copy of the day’s paper will be placed in front of my apartment door.
I ate a breakfast consisting of cereal, milk, juice, toast, jam, margarine, eggs, and a sweet roll.
Thankfully, I’d learned much about preparing my own meal and placing utensils and dishes in the dishwasher. In addition, being an inter-dimensional traveller allowed me to break some basic rules pertaining to feline nutrition. I can live as an omnivore rather than a full-fledged carnivore.
Although, I must admit that for a considerable period of time I harboured in inherent fear of chocolate. But I did eventually cave in. The sheer smell of chocolate and the expression on the faces of humans when they eat it was too tempting.
After eating breakfast, washing the dishes and utensils, and washing myself I decided to leave my apartment for the entire day.
Notice that I now use the words ‘my apartment’ rather than ‘our apartment’. As far as I was concerned Sharon was out of the picture forever.
Thankfully, we had a joint account full of money! We were rich. The rent, cable bill, and other expenses could be paid by credit card or check. In essence, I was set!
As soon as I left our apartment building I saw Craig Morrison, the other doorman. He was drinking his coffee and eating his donut. Craig, by the way is perhaps the fattest doorman in the Montreal metropolitan area.
Because our apartment building was very posh-looking, doormen who appeared intimidating, tough, or who were well-built were never hired by our administration.
Innocent-looking and non-threatening doormen were hired instead. Although I must say that our administration never hired a woman. In fact, I’ve never seen a ‘doorman’ who was a woman. That’s probably why you never hear anyone using the word ‘doorwoman’. Even policewoman is heard, but not doorwoman.
I’m not being a self-hating female. But I can’t imagine a woman opening doors for people. Can you?
Anyhow, let me get back to my incredible story. I decided to delay my walk in order to converse with Craig. I was awfully worried about him. You see, his diet was crappy!
As stated earlier, he was having his coffee and donut. At other times, I’d see him eating junk foods from various establishments including large burgers (extra toppings and cheese), humongous (super-sized) fries, humungous drinks, and always a high calorie dessert or some kind of sweets.
Craig was a fifty year-old bachelor, never married, slightly balding, obese, working class white male.
Craig spent all of his extra earnings (from much overtime) on food, movies, and playful non-essentials. I couldn’t picture him with a woman, ever. I’m sorry, but honesty is sometimes brutal and painful.
Craig had been a doorman for thirty years. He used to work for high class hotels. But he told me that as he got older the hectic nature of it all became unbearable. In our apartment building things are more laid back. Mind you, Craig’s tips at the hotels were very handsome, indeed. Apartment building doormen receive most of their under the table bonuses around Christmas time; often in the form of alcohol. Because Craig was a non-drinker (thankfully) he ended up taking the booze home then pouring the contents into his toilet.
Craig had other fine character traits. No matter his mood or his level of fatigue this fellow always greeted people with a smile and had to say nothing but good about them.
I felt sadness about Craig not having a family. I think that he could’ve been an incredibly fine husband and father. Unfortunately, his living habits, obesity, and luck kept him away from being a family man. Actually, there was more to it then I thought. I would soon find out about Craig’s other ‘problems’.
“Jody, come over here and talk to me. I’m so glad to see you. Look, I notice that Sharon’s no with you. You gals are always together. Don’t tell me she left you?”
“No, actually Sharon’s in the hospital. I think that come tomorrow morning she’ll snap out of it.
Anyhow, how’s work?”
“Jody, I’ve been a doorman forever. I see all kinds of people entering and leaving this apartment building. Not to mention the hotels that I’ve worked in.
Most of the tenants in this apartment building are okay. However, there are a select few who really tick me off!
Do you know Agatha ‘the witch’ Caldwell. She’s in her late seventies, skeletal in appearance, and always farts right before she enters and leaves our building. That means that the doorman on duty has to suffer the brunt of ‘the smell’.
The other problems include two tenants who assume that I’m their ‘white slave’. They get all pissed off if I’m busy on the phone or eating my lunch. They want me to put my food down, stand up, walk to the freaking glass door then open the door for them with a big smile on my face.
Jody, the administration only gives me fifteen minutes to eat, wash up, dry up, and to promptly return from lunch; all without pay of course.
Other than that I’m perfectly satisfied working here. I mean, there are tons of good people like you. I love seeing your faces. Your faces really brighten up my day.”
“Craig, do you have enough time to enjoy your meals while you’re working here?”
“Honey, of course I do! I get the customary thirty minutes plus more if there’s nobody around. By nobody I mean the big boss. You know, Margaret Finnegan, the old hen who’s always smiling at herself in the mirror.
Jody, of course we know about it. You probably thought that you were the only one who knew that Margaret was a wacky-brained old hen.
Anyway, I love her to death. Apart from being mentally unstable she’s really a kind-hearted woman. Sometimes, she brings me some chocolate chip cookies and two percent milk.
Jody, you don’t think that I’m a baby do you? I mean, I’m not sick! I’m a hard-working, white, middle-aged man.
Oops, I don’t know if using the word ‘white’ is appropriate. I mean, it’s like white people have to watch their tongues nowadays. I mean, like, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m a racist.
Umm ... Jody, like, you know what I’m talking about, right?”
“Oh, yes ... I certainly do.”
I wasn’t sure of what to make of Craig’s unusual thinking and logic.
“Jody, I’m not fifty years-old. Actually, I’m fifty five. And, like, please don’t tell anyone, okay.”
“Don’t worry, Craig. I promise not to tell anyone; cat’s honour!”
“Jody, I still live with my mother. That’s not all. She still bosses me around, calls me a ‘dummy’ when I screw up, still prepares me meals and snacks at home, reads me stories when I’m having a stomach ache, doesn’t want me to get married; ever, makes my bed, gets most of the groceries, and cleans the house.
Jody, I think that my mother wants me to stay obese so she can have me to herself. That way I’ll always be her little teddy bear. What do you think?”
Thankfully, right then and there the fire alarm went off. I was literally saved by the bell.
To tell you the truth I don’t know how I would’ve answered Craig’s question.
Anyway, we said our goodbyes then parted ways. I began my long walk while Craig performed his duties as a doorman.
I began my walk in earnest wanting to relax my mind but at the same time get a good physical workout. I had a long day ahead of me and was expecting to find a very important newspaper article in front of my door upon my return.
As I was walking the mountain I began to have second thoughts about humiliating and destroying Sharon. Deep down inside part of me didn’t want to harm her. But she did throw the first punch and many more were to be launched at me, especially if I made no effort to defend myself.
Roughly fifteen minutes into my walk I saw an elderly man using a cane and walking his Beagle. They looked like a good pair of friends.
The Beagle appeared to be very happy and relaxed. But at the same time I could tell that he was keeping a keen eye on his owner; who by the way, looked like he was about to croak.
As soon as the elderly man took notice of me he flashed me a laboured smile. He was so old even smiling took much energy out of him.
His Beagle wagged his tail then turned his head to get a closer look at me. I, in turn, raised my tail and grinned at them.
“Honey, what’s your name and where are you from?”
Although I was shocked at the bluntness of the elderly man’s question I went ahead and answered it.
“My name is Jody Wilson. I’m originally from Missouri. I’m glad to see you. Smiling faces are generally nice to see. Except if it’s the smiling face of a person who’s torturing you. Then, the smile becomes sadistic.
“Honey, my name is Bertrand Bellows and this is my Beagle Tom Garrison.”
“Do you mind if I approach you?”
“Go right ahead, honey.”
I approached the two with caution and a readiness to either fight or flee. A cat never knows the true intentions of a total stranger, never mind two total strangers.
As soon as I was within arm’s reach the elderly man extended his right arm then proceeded to me between the ears. I liked it!
The Beagle sniffed my behind and my face. Thankfully, he seemed like a very nice dog.
We conversed for roughly twenty five minutes before parting ways, but not before I convinced the elderly man to go to the hospital because his face was pale, breathing was wheezy, and he was sweating. I didn’t want to take any chances!
I continued my walk on the mountain for another thirty minutes before descending to Sherbrooke Street.
Upon entering Sherbrooke Street I decided to walk towards the downtown area, but not before I went to the Westmount Public Library (WPL) and Westmount Park.
As soon as I entered the library I got a memory flash. It was here that Cynthia Corbett and I made our official discovery of the fleshy androids.
I walked to the elevator then pressed the UP button. Mind you, I had to leap into the air to do this.
After a short wait the elevator door opened. I promptly entered then pressed the number three button.
In no time at all I was on the third floor strolling around and looking at the countless books.
As I was strolling around I took notice of a young boy, perhaps he was seven years-old. For some reason, his eyes were bloodshot like he’d recently been crying his brains out but had stopped.
The nurturer in me won the inner debate. I had to help the little boy.
This boy kind of reminded me of Dennis, in Dennis the Menace and also the kid in the original Lassie show.
He had straight blond hair, blue eyes, and freckles on his face. In addition, he had an overall cuteness to him. As usual I approached the boy with caution keeping an eye on his hands and shoes just in case he pulled a fast one on me.
“Hey, kid, what’s the problem? Are you hurt or something? Just tell me what’s wrong.”
“Hey, you’re a cat!”
“Of course I’m a cat! I was born that way!”
“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean or funny. And thanks for asking me what my problem is.
You see, my parents are moving to Halifax in a couple of weeks. Although I’m sure I’ll like it there, I don’t want to leave.
Kitty, I’m only seven years-old. I’ll lose all of my friends and will have to start all over again in another city. That’s very stressful.”
“By the way, my name is Jody Wilson and I’m glad to meet you. Why don’t you and I spend part or all of the day together? My pouch is full of money. So, any food or drink that we buy is on me. And everything else included, in case you’re wondering.
Now, I didn’t get your name.”
“My name is Timmy Spalding and I was born in Montreal; at the Royal Victoria Hospital (RVH).”
“Timmy, don’t cry. Look, everything will be all right, I promise. Moving is part of life. Believe me, if everyone stayed put many of our advances and discoveries wouldn’t have occurred.
Moving is difficult but afterwards it can be very fun I’ve moved around so much, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Please don’t tell anyone that I’m crying, because I’m not. I have allergies.
My parents, especially my mother, think that boys should never cry. Any boy who cries is a sissy-girl.
My mother would demolish me if she ever saw me crying. She always tells me to be tough like a lion.
I once told her ‘mom, I’m not a lion!’
Her response was, ‘Timmy, you’re not a pussy either!’
My parents are a bit off the wall. Although we’re rich we have familial problems.
Jody, I love you! Do you love me too?!”
Not again! It’s like everyone who I befriend loves me. Timmy put me in a bind. If I had responded in the ‘affirmative’ then I’d be lying. On the other hand, I couldn’t hurt Timmy’s feelings.
Timmy seemed like a very sensitive boy who needed love, affection, understanding, and an open ear. That’s what I decided to give him.
“Yes, Timmy, I love you too!”
“Jody, can I be your best friend in the whole world, forever?”
“Yes, honey, you can be my best friend in the whole world, forever.”
“Timmy let’s go downstairs to the children’s section and find ourselves some books to browse through and maybe we can do a little book hitting too. Book hitting is good for the mind and body.
Timmy, I think you and I are going to hit it on just fine. So, let’s go downstairs.
Timmy and I took the elevator down to the children’s section. It was a short and smooth ride.
Timmy and I spent the next hour browsing through books and doing a little reading on the side. I mean, we didn’t want to waste all of our time.
Timmy and I decided to return to our previous spot. It was secluded the first time. We were hoping that it would stay so the second time around.
Timmy and I sat down then we talked about numerous topics. However, the topic of his parents was a very touchy point. Something was happening in Timmy’s home and I had to get to the bottom of it.
“Timmy, tell me about yourself and your parents, please. I’m not trying to be a suspicious cat. I care about you. In order for me to be able to help you I must first identify your problem/s.
“Actually, my parents are too pre-occupied with their careers to give me a second look. Also, they’re kind of weird; really.
Jody, I want to remind you about not telling anyone; I’m talking about my teary-eyes. I want to grow up to be a man not a sissy boy.”
Timmy resumed his crying. I pawed his face several times then I gave him a kiss on each cheek.
“Jody, I’m not a chipmunk! I want a peck on the lips. And don’t tell my parents, either.”
I kissed Timmy on the lips then comforted myself beside him. Now I had a good vantage point to Timmy‘s inner secrets.
Timmy and I conversed for a short while before deciding to leave the WPL.
Then out of nowhere a young, geeky-looking girl wearing thick lens-glasses and a large dress approached us.
“Guys, are you all right?”
“Of course we’re all right! Why are you asking?”
“Actually, I noticed that friend crying. I just wanted to know if he was lost or something. You see, I work here. Also, I have a younger brother about his age.”
“Honey, are you all right? If you’d like a chocolate bar just say the word.”
“Actually, I’d like one for me and another one for my best friend in the whole world Jody Wilson.”
“Okay, honey, here. But I’ll have to give you a chocolate bar and Jody a ginger bread cookie.
Jody, is that all right?”
“Yes! I love ginger bread cookies!”
Guys please don’t let anyone see you eating; since I am the person who gave you those snacks. You see, if my boss finds out, I’ll probably be fired.
Guys, if you need anything just ask for Melinda Peterson. And, if in the future you need a best friend in the whole world just come to the Westmount Public Library while I’m on duty and you’ll get what you want.
Please, I’m not sick or anything. I mean, like, I do have friends who are humans but I like to mix it up a bit. You know humans and animals.”
As soon as Melinda walked away Timmy began to cry again. So, I have to play the part of older sister.
“Timmy, let’s eat our snacks first then you can rest your head on my side. Does that sound nice?”
“Yes, thanks Jody!”
Timmy and I enjoyed our snacks. Afterwards, I took tossed the wrappers into the wastebasket.
As soon as I returned to our resting place I rested on my side then allowed Timmy to place his head on my body.
Timmy began to cry again, but with less intensity then before. I understood that he had serious emotional issues with his parents. It was then that I decided to have a word or two with his mother. For some reason I was under the impression that his mother was the main culprit of his problems.
After a short while Timmy stuck his thumb in his mouth. I almost felt like his mother. But I did manage to pet him on the head. Thankfully, it raised his spirits some.
As soon as Timmy removed his thumb from his mouth he asked me an unusual question.
“Jody, can you be my sister? I need a sister like you, really badly!”
“Timmy, I’m flattered by your request. But we must face reality. You’re leaving Quebec in a week or two. If I say ‘yes’ then you leave, will it make matters worse for you?”
“No, I just want to be able to think about you when I’m home with my horrible parents. My mother is a witch and my father thinks that he’s King Kong. He also worships power and wealth.”
“Okay, if I’m your sister, then you are my brother.
Timmy, please don’t cry. It’s all right. I’ll speak to your mother and explain to her ‘the truth’ about being a good parent.”
Timmy and I conversed for a short while before leaving the WPL.
Timmy and I decided to walk through the park adjoining the WPL. We ended up walking through it and the perimeter a half a dozen times. It was good for our minds and our bodies.
I noticed that Timmy’s spirits had improved somewhat. After our walk we decided to take the number twenty four bus heading east. That way, we could eat a nice meal in the downtown area before heading to Timmy’s home.
As we boarded the bus the driver flashed us a smile and a nod with his head. Afterwards, he said a few kind words to us.
“Hello guys, are you going to the mall?”
“Yes, we’re going to the Eaton Centre food court.”
“Bon appétit and don’t talk to strangers. Especially if you are asked to enter a vehicle or are offered food, money, or a gift.”
“Thank you for the good advice, monsieur.”
After we sat down Timmy and I enjoyed the scenery. It was amazing how far technology has taken us. I took fast transportation for granted whenever we enter a vehicle.
Although walking is fun and healthy it’s a slow process. Sometimes a person feels like a Galapagos turtle or a sloth.
As we were enjoying the scenery Timmy began to cry again. I was shocked! Why was he crying, again? I wondered.
“Timmy, why are you crying?”
“Actually, I’m deliberately thinking about sad events from my life. You see, as soon as I get home I have to become a Vulcan. My parents don’t allow me to cry unless it’s a very serious matter.
The way I see it, I’ve got gallons of excessive tears to shed.”
An elderly man who took notice of Timmy’s crying came and sat beside us. He was holding a crutch and was deep into retirement.
“Son, my name is Robert Dell. I couldn’t help but notice that you were crying. Do you want an oatmeal cookie?”
“I can’t have a snack unless you also give Jody a snack. I can’t eat while my best friend in the whole world just sits here and watches me.”
By golly then I’ll give each of you a large oatmeal cookie. How’s that sound?”
“That sounds just right! Jody and I can eat together; I mean with you if you want.”
We conversed with the elderly man for a few minutes before he exited the bus. We waved to the elderly man when the bus driver pressed on the gas.
Just a minute my mini cell phone started ringing. I wondered who would call me at this time of the day.
Anyhow, it was an unlisted number. Now, I was a bit concerned.
“Hello, how can I help you?”
“Jody Wilson, I love you!”
“I’m sorry, but do I know you?”
“Jody Wilson how can you forget your new best friend in the whole world?
Jody I’m Linda Wang! Please tell me that you remember me and that you love me!”
“Oh my, yes I do love you! And yes I do remember you!”
“Please tell me about the Sharon Peabody story. I left home early this morning. The paper delivery was late today.”
“Oh, Jody, like we didn’t download, tape, take pictures or notes, or do anything of that nature.
As soon as we arrived at the scene we noticed a large crowd around Sharon’s hospital room.
After we made an inquiry into what had happened the ‘operation’ was called off.
Apparently, Sharon tried to choke a psychiatric nurse, got into a fist fight with one of the female orderlies, and she claims that the fat on her body is planning to engulf her.
Jody, Sharon tried to choke the psychiatric nurse because her name was Jody, like yours.
You see, you can never go back to that little witch. Jody, there’s one more thing: I’m not sick, possessive, controlling, or suspicious, but I sense that someone is near you. Is it a beautiful woman?
Jody, I’m not like those other girls who are envious, emotionally unstable, paranoid, and delusional. And certainly not psychotic!
But Jody, I need to know who that girl is. Is it Paris Hilton, Megan Fox, Kristin Kreuk, Giselle Bundeschen, Pamela Anderson, the Olson twins, or some other ‘witchy girl’.
Jody, I’m neither envious nor jealous. I’m just worried about you. Please, Jody, I love you!
Jody, please tell me! I’m supposed to be your best friend in the whole world! And please don’t think it! I’m not sick; really!”
“Actually, I’m with Timmy Spalding, a seven year-old boy that is really a nice character. I hope you believe me.”
“Jody, I do believe you! But for the sake of our precious friendship, please put him on your mini cell phone. I just want to be reassured. Please don’t say no! If you do, I’ll end up with a broken heart and a bleeding ulcer!”
“Okay, I’ll put him on the phone.”
“Timmy, please talk to my friend Linda Wang. She’s a nice person.”
“Hello, this is Timmy Spalding.”
“Hi Timmy, how are you doing?”
“I’m fine, thank you.”
“Timmy, I want to ask you a question or two but please don’t make it obvious to Jody. Also, please be honest with me. I’ll make you a very good friend of mine is do just that.
Timmy, are there any other persons with you?”
“Yes, we’re on the number twenty four bus heading east. Hopefully, we’re going to eat at the mall. I think that we’ll eat at the Eaton Centre.”
“What about earlier? Were there any other girls who go cozy with Jody?”
“Timmy, are you all right?”
“Yes, I feel fine now. However, I’m afraid to go back home. My parents are crazy. Especially my mom! My mom’s a witch!”
“Timmy, I love you so much! Also, I hope that your life gets much better and that your parents see you for who you are; a very nice young boy who deserves nothing but love and respect.”
“Linda, I love you!”
“Timmy, I’m so thankful that you sent out the three golden words (I Love You) in my direction.
Timmy thanks for the good chat. You can give Jody back her phone.”
Thankfully, Linda was satisfied that I was telling the truth. That made our trip to the mall much easier. The last thing that I wanted was to be stressed out while eating at the Melinda approached us and inquired about my food court. It’s not good for your digestive system. Lions don’t like it when hyenas pester them at a kill.
As soon as we arrived at our stop Timmy and I exited the bus and thanked the bus driver for the friendly service. Oftentimes in a big city service can be quite impersonal. Not this time.
“Timmy, we have to walk downhill a bit until we reach St. Catharine Street. Afterwards, we must turn left for a short walk to the entrance of the Eaton Centre.”
A short while later we entered the Eaton Centre. After walking the food court perimeter we left the Eaton Centre in order to get some pop at a DOLLARAMA.
Upon returning with our pops we walked straight to Tiki Ming then ordered two large soups (for here).
I asked Timmy to open my pouch and remove a twenty dollar bill to pay the cashier.
After the payment was made and we waited for a couple of minutes Timmy by placed both of our soups and our pops on the tray. We thanked the workers then began our search for a nice seat.
Thankfully, the Eaton Centre has the largest food court of any downtown Montreal Mall.
Timmy and I sat near a large television monitor. Although there was no volume and the shows were French Canadian we enjoyed the background scenery.
“Timmy, drink your soup and your pop. My tolerance for caffeine is much greater than yours.”
“I’ll just drink this one can of pop. It won’t kill me.”
“Timmy, I overheard you saying that you’re afraid to go back home. Is that true?”
“Yes, Jody, whenever I tell you that my mother is a ‘witch’ I mean it. She’s an outright vindictive, envious, witch.”
I decided to keep quiet for the duration of the meal, unless Timmy started up a new conversation. That did not happen, however. The rest of our meal was spent in ‘happy silence’.
After eating and washing up Timmy and I walked around the Eaton Centre and several other downtown malls. We even went as far as the skating rink.
I must admit, my time with Timmy was delightful. A brief thought entered my mind about leaving the present dimension with Timmy. Although I didn’t want to snatch him from his parents, if what he’d told me was the ‘correct truth’ then it would one day be an option. Mind you, Timmy would have to agree, one hundred percent, wholeheartedly.
As soon as we arrived at the skating rink Timmy and I got some drinks then sat down. It was fun watching the skaters having a good time. Smiles, grins, and other signs of happiness are often contagious. These are ‘happy contagions’ that most people would love to experience on a daily basis.
Timmy and I enjoyed our drinks while we conversed about various topics. All along I was concerned about Timmy’s mental state. His parents, especially his mother, who I understood was a very wicked woman, were bad news for him.
I was in a great bind. There wasn’t much I could do for Timmy except make him happy for the short time that I was allocated. Soon, he’d be on his way to Halifax.
An hour later Timmy and I got up then left the skating rink. Although we were a bit tired we agreed upon taking the train to the east side of town. We’d board the train heading to Honoure’ Beaugrande Station. Then, we’d walk around and enjoy the scenery.
Timmy and I walked McGill Metro Station then boarded a train heading east.
We went as far as fifteen stops before arriving at the last station.
As soon as the train stopped we got off and went upstairs. Outside, it was nice and sunny. Timmy and I grinned at each other then decided to walk through a residential neighbourhood nearby. We wanted to take it easy and to stay away from heavy traffic.
The houses in this part of town look nice but are not mansion-like. This is ‘new money’ housing.
We continued our walk through one block after another before being stopped by a patrol car. I understood that we’d done nothing, but I was also apprehensive about being stopped.
“Kids, what are you doing here?”
“Officer, we’re just taking a walk. My friend Jody and I decided to see the east side of town because it’s far away and different from our parts of town.
Jody lives in Westmount while I live in Mont Royal. We’re from the upper class sector.”
“Okay, kids. The reason why I stopped you is because our police station has received a total of four emergency calls relating to a cougar cub walking with a young, blond boy.
Are you a pure cat, or do you have some big cat blood in you? I want you to be fully honest with me. Otherwise, you will be breaking the law.”
“Officer, look at me! I’m just a kitty! I’ve never broken any laws or harmed any humans, directly or indirectly.”
“Very well, then, I guess the two persons that I’m searching for are in another part of this neighbourhood. I apologize for the inconvenience.”
As soon as the patrol car was out of sight Timmy and I instinctively ran back to the Metro Station.
We hadn’t realized how far away we were from the Metro Station. It was a full twenty minute run, jog, and walk routine.
By the time we were at the outskirts of the Metro Station both of us were exhausted beyond comprehension.
We looked like a couple of cheetahs who’d just chased down a prey animal. Afterwards, we panted ferociously.
After fifteen minutes of resting I took notice of a patrol car approaching the Metro Station. Thankfully, my feline vision has always been superb. I warned Timmy of the possible impending doom. Therefore, we found it imperative to enter the Metro Station immediately.
A short while later Timmy and I entered the train on the green line. We were relieved that the police officer in the patrol car didn’t see us. Although we didn’t commit any crime for that moment we understood how a criminal feels when he/she evades the police.
It was my incredible feline vision that allowed me to determine that the officer in the patrol car wasn’t the first one that we’d seen.
We headed west on the train until reaching Berri Station. We exited the train then left the station. It was our intent to go to the Public Library near the Metro Station.
As we approached the library entrance I took keen notice of the security guard working in front of the entrance and exit. I warned Timmy to run away if the security guard asked us for identification. I wasn’t being paranoid ... really!
Thankfully we entered the library without incident. In fact, the security guard gave us a big smile and a wave. I think he liked us. How comforting that was!
“Timmy, do you want to go down to the children’s section?”
“Yes, let’s go down, immediately! We can look at some picture books and have some fun.”
“Beautiful! Timmy you and I were meant to be incredibly close friends”
Timmy and I descended down the steps to the children’s section. As soon as we ‘had landed’ we scanned the area for ‘English’ books and magazines.
As soon as Timmy and I located the right place we went there then took hold of several magazines then found a good place to sit. Mind you, this wasn’t so much a learning experience as it was a relaxation experience. Both Timmy and I were dead tired. Furthermore, after a brief rest we’d resume our trip to Timmy’s home.
Thankfully, we were able to spend an hour relaxing, talking, and looking at many interesting pictures and drawings.
Before leaving the library Timmy and I went to the restroom, washed up then drank a handsome quantity of water. We understood that there was much more walking left.
Timmy and I returned to Berri Station then descended to the train stop for the orange line heading in the direction of Cote Vertu Station.
After waiting for a few minutes, the train arrived. As soon as Timmy and I entered the train an important message was given on the intercom system.
Unfortunately neither Timmy nor I were bilingual at the time. Therefore, after the end of the message I asked a young man what the message was about.
The young man told me that there would be a fifteen minute delay. I thanked him then I turned my head and grinned at Timmy. Timmy returned the favour with a grin of his own.
Although Timmy and I were heading in the direction of Cote Vertu we weren’t going all the way there. Actually, we were going to Della Savane Metro.
On every single stop we saw people enter the train while others exited the train. Thankfully, nobody took notice of us. In fact, the other drivers in our section were laid back and uninterested in a seven year-old boy and his kitty friend.
Finally, we arrived at the intended target station. As soon as the train doors opened Timmy and I were out in a jiffy.
“Timmy, you will have to lead the way as this is the first time that I walk through this particular neighbourhood.”
“Don’t worry, Jody. I will take you to the outskirts of my home. Please understand that I don’t want my mother to see you. She’s very envious and possessive. She’d go ballistic if she saw me with another ‘girly’.
My mother wants me to grow up to be a ‘mamma’s boy’. She wants me to be dependent upon her and at the same time help her. Also, she doesn’t want me to ever get married. I don’t like my mother!”
“Timmy, your mother can’t be like that! Are you certain about what you’re telling me?”
“Yes, Jody, I certainly am!
Jody, I love you more than anyone else in the whole world. Please remember me in your heart. Don’t forget me, ever!”
“Timmy, you forgot about your parents!”
“No I didn’t! I love you more than I love them, too!
Jody, I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Can we, like ... run away somewhere and like, umm ... never come back, just you and I forever and ever?”
“Timmy, let’s concentrate on getting you back home. Please, let me speak to your parents. I’m certain that I can put some sense into them, really.”
Timmy and I continued our walk through the area entering the City of Mont Royal soon afterwards. I noticed that the area was considerably quieter than the downtown Montreal area and even Westmount. Westmount is connected to a hectic part of Montreal.
I figured from the look of the homes and there were numerous mini-mansions, Timmy’s parents were well off. I understood that his mother was a corporate attorney and his father was a maxilla-facial surgeon.
As we walked through towards Timmy’s home I noticed that he became more jittery and anxious. Naturally, I care about him so I inquired as to his emotional and physical state.
“Timmy, are you all right? I notice that you’re getting very nervous and uptight. What is the problem? Please don’t hold back, we’re very close friends. Friends are supposed to care about each other, right?”
Timmy signalled me to sit down with him. Unfortunately, he had another crying fit. This time, he was hyperventilating and the tears in his eyes were dripping with incredible force. Naturally I leaped unto his chest then gave him a kiss. Afterwards I continued to gently paw his face; making sure that I pawed both sides gently and with much emotion and affection.
“Timmy, everything will be all right, really! Let me just have a word or two with your mother.”
“Please, Jody, I don’t want to go home!”
“Timmy, you can’t sleep on the street and if I take you in your parents will certainly call the police.”
After several minutes of ‘loving persuasion’ I convinced Timmy to continue our walk.
We walked zigzag for a while until we entered Graham Street. Graham Street is long and important for transportation. Somehow, I felt like Timmy was taking me around in circles. However, for the time being I kept quiet because I wasn’t certain.
We continued to walk eventually passing the Reginald P. Dawson Library and walking past a park containing tennis courts and an area for curling.
We took a sharp turn and continued to walk. Now I really sensed that something was really wrong. It wasn’t until we passed the library for the second time that I stopped Timmy in his tracks.
“Timmy, we have to stop walking right now! We’re going around in circles!”
Timmy understood what I was telling him. We did an about face then continued our walk crossing over a mini-bridge then entering the ‘other half’ of the city.
A short while, later Timmy made and unusual request.
“Jody, please, hereafter I want to carry you to my home. But first I must blindfold you. I don’t want you to know where I live. Please, don’t say no!”
I reluctantly agreed. After Timmy blindfolded me I leaped into his arms so he could carry me around.
We walked for another fifteen minutes before Timmy stopped, removed the blindfold from my eyes and laid me down on the sidewalk.
“Jody, I refer to my home as HOUSE X. Please do likewise. I don’t want anyone to know where I live or anything about my creepy family.
Jody, the MUNSTERS television show was funny ‘on television’ but in real life it’s a horrible thing for a normal person to have to endure.
Jody, please tell send me the three golden words ... please!”
“Timmy, I love you ... very much!”
As soon as we were within spitting distance of the Spalding mini-mansion I froze. Actually, I was waiting for Timmy to make the next move or to say something.
Then, I pulled Timmy’s pant leg. I had to get his attention. As soon as I got it I reminded him that it was imperative that we exchange phone numbers and email addresses. I would also give Timmy my home address. He was welcome there any time!
After we finished our important business I leaped up unto Timmy’s chest then gave him a big hug and a big kiss. Afterwards, I leaped back onto the ground.
“Jody, I know that I’ve already made this request but, can I be your best friend in the whole world for today?
I know that you already have a best friend in the whole world forever, but I just want to be your best friend for today.”
“Yes, Timmy, you can be my best friend in the whole world for today; actually forever. I don’t think that Linda will go ballistic if you and she were both my best friends in the whole world. As long as it’s not ‘another girl’, I can talk her into accepting it.”
Timmy signalled me to follow him to the door of his home. I followed him like his own shadow.
Timmy took a deep breath then exhaled. I could tell by his mannerisms that he was extremely anxious and apprehensive.
A short while later Timmy’s mother opened the door. She was dressed in a beautiful pink night gown, and she was certainly one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen.
Her hair was red, her eyes were sky blue and her skin was French vanilla coloured, with scattered freckles.
She was six feet tall, athletically built, and had an aura of confidence.
“Timmy, where have you been? I was worried about you!”
“Mom, I’d like you to meet my best friend in the whole world! I’ve been with her the entire day.”
“Timmy Spalding and what am I? And what is your father? I’m your best friend in the whole world! I’m your freaking mother!
Timmy Spalding, I breast fed you when you were nothing but a helpless baby! I gave you my own free milk, over and over again! Furthermore, when I was carrying you I looked like a giant balloon. My stomach was so distended I thought it was going to turn into a balloon! And this is how you pay me and your father back?!
Regarding your feline friend, she looks like a kitten today but she’ll grow up to be a big cat someday. She’ll eat you for lunch!
As for you, listen you little witch! I know exactly what you’re trying to do! You’re trying to break our family apart! We’re supposed to be moving to Halifax soon. How dare you take my son away from me for the whole day!
Another thing, I don’t want you to ever speak to my son again! As soon as you leave our property I’m calling the police!”
“But, Mrs. Spalding, I love Timmy dearly! I’m very fond of him. Fine, you are his mother naturally you should be his best friend in the whole world.
I just wanted Timmy and me to have fun. He was a bit depressed about having to leave the greater Montreal metropolitan area. I don’t blame him.”
Listen you little witch! I don’t care what you tell me! You are a bad influence on my son. You’re nothing but a low-life jezebel! I can tell by looking at you ... you’ve certainly had your share of tom cats!”
And another thing; I’m not sick! I’m only trying to protect my son!”
And don’t you dare think it, either!”
“Think what, Mrs. Spalding?”
“You think that I’m a wench. I’m dressed in my night gown and my husband is at work. So naturally, you think that I have a man in my bedroom that is satisfying my precious needs and desires.”
“But mom, can’t we invite her over for a steak dinner? Dad said that he was bringing home steaks for dinner tonight.”
“No way, impossible! It won’t happen so long as I’m part of this household and as long as I’m your mother.”
Although Timmy began to cry his brains out, I couldn’t help him. I believed his mother about notifying the police of my ‘supposed actions’.
I said my goodbye to Timmy then began to walk away. After hearing the door close behind me I decided to hide out behind a tree across the street. I wasn’t trying to be a snoopy cat or anything, I was worried about Timmy.
“Timmy, I want to know what her name is because I’m calling the police! I don’t want that little witchy lioness to harm you again! Now, tell me her name, Timmy!”
“Mom, I can’t tell you her name! She’s my best friend in the whole world!”
Slap! Slap!! Slap!!!
My dear Mrs. Spalding slapped her son because he refused to tell her my name.
Unbelievably, the slapping continued unabated after each ‘negative answer’ that Timmy gave his mother.
After several rounds of slapping I became extremely anxious. I determined that I had to stop Mrs. Spalding; physically assaulting her was my only option. That would’ve been a horrible thing to do; considerably worse than having to listen to the slaps.
Then it happened! The slapping and bitching out of Timmy ended. I waited for a while to see why Mrs. Spalding stopped her activity so suddenly. Not that I was angry or anything.
Using my incredible night-time vision and awesome hearing I saw two men leaving the Spalding Home from the back way. However, I also saw Mrs. Spalding in her nightgown walking with them.
Each man gave Mrs. Spalding a sustained kiss on the lips. Then they left each on in a separate car.
As I was pondering about what to do a police officer parked his patrol car in front of the Spalding home. I closed my eyes in order to remove the shining of the reflector in my eyes.
It was then that I decided to leave the area and head home. I figured that it was all over between me and Timmy. His mother would certainly cry in front of the police officers making her story that much more dramatic and horrible.
I walked through the neighbourhood for searching for an exit back home. Eureka, I remembered a very important fact! Downtown Montreal was behind the mountain. As soon as I was out in the open I saw the mountain giving me a good idea where I was.
I jogged to the mountain keeping my eyes open for hostiles and the police.
As soon as I reached Snowdon Metro Station I slowed down to a walking pace. With all that I’d done that day with Timmy, my run, and the incredible stress of it all I decided to hitch a ride off someone. I didn’t want to use the metro in this part of town. I figured that all of the Metro stations’ personnel were placed on red alert, eyeing their camera lenses at any cat that they saw.
I walked to Decarie Boulevard then headed southwards. Thankfully, it didn’t take long for someone to offer me a ride. I was shocked by who it was!
“Jody Wilson, I love you! Please get into the car!” It was Linda Wang, my best friend in the whole world. Although I was delighted for the ride Linda was a bit off the wall. Her behaviour and the words that she spurted out of her mouth sometimes didn’t make any sense. In addition, she had some personal ‘issues’ that needed to be resolved.
Being desperate and terrified of being seen by anyone especially the police, I leaped into Linda’s blue Caprice Classis then fastened my seatbelt.
“Jody my love, how are you today?”
“I’m a bit tired. But I’m also thankful to see you and for the much needed ride.”
“Jody, you look like you’re a bit anxious, tired, and afraid. Please don’t hold back. We’re best friends in the whole world. You shouldn’t hold back on me.”
After taking a deep breath I explained to Linda what had happened, without leaving any part out.
“Jody, that little witch, Mrs. Spalding, doesn’t deserve to be a mother. Neither should she be allowed to own any animals. How did her husband fall in love with her?”
“I sometimes feel that way when I see a good man with a horrible wife, vice versa.
Linda, I think that it’s a human thing. Cats are too smart for this kind of nonsense.”
“Jody, I understand that you’re tired. Would you like to sleep over at my place? I have much food; also including several gallons of milk and ice cream.
Jody, we can have steak, fries, salad, buns and margarine, high caffeine drinks, and dessert.
Jody just a minute, regarding the high caffeine drinks, I’m not addicted to anything! I just love caffeine; the incredible buzz that it gives me and the tasty and soothing carbonation.”
“Look, how about if we meet another day? I don’t plan on leaving the metropolitan area soon. I apologize, but I’m really exhausted. I can barely open up my eyes.”
“Jody, as long as you don’t have a secret ‘female friend’ in your life, other than yours truly of course, I think I can learn to handle it. However, I don’t like competition. FRANK ‘BOGEY-MAN’ BOGEY
Linda gave me a ride home without incident. Because of my level of exhaustion I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. So I waited until the doorman entered the building to answer a request from one of the tenants.
I quickly entered my apartment building then ran to the elevators. Next, I pressed the ‘UP’ button and waited patiently.
I was so exhausted everything after that was a blur. The next thing I knew I was turning over in my bed in the middle of the night. Well, at least I got back safe and sound.
At 3:30 A.M. I received a telephone call. Believe me I was almost startled to death.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
“Jody, it’s me, Timmy Spalding!”
“Timmy, what happened with you and your mother?”
“One of our neighbours called the police about the racket my mother was making. It wasn’t the first time.
Jody, my mother lost it. The police ended up calling my father at work, so he had to drive from downtown to our home in a nasty mood.
Although I must say, he knew what it was all about. Being married to my mother for ten years was more than enough for him.
You see, I just found out that it was my father who was moving to Halifax, not the three of us. My parents were going to tell me at the last moment because they didn’t want me to throw a fit for days on end.
My father had made up his mind to divorce my mother. Apparently, he’d known about her multiple escapades and he’d felt her mental instability as her husband. Basically, my father had had enough of my mother.
Regarding the slapping of my face, the police knew very well that it wasn’t you. My mother tried to place the blame on you. There were no scratch marks on her face. As if the Montreal Police are going to be stupid enough to believe my mother’s pathetic lie?
My mother was taken to the hospital for observation. Either way, my father told me that the divorce proceedings would be sped up as a result of the incident.
Initially, my mother was supposed to have sole custody of me. However, the incident was the last straw. I can now move to Halifax with my father.
My father apologized to me about not being loveable enough. Thankfully, he’s got a job as a professor of dental medicine. He’ll have more time to be a good father. He’s selling his dental clinic.
Jody, I love you so much! More than my own parents! You are the best kitty I’ve ever known in my whole life! I wish you the best of luck in your whole life!”
I thanked Timmy for his kind words and told him that I’d love him forever. Too bad, he was moving to Halifax the following week.
He and I agreed that it would be better if we said our goodbyes by phone, right then and there.
I didn’t want to make our conversation too long because Timmy was crying his brains out.
I went back to bed in a somewhat uppity but also depressed mood. It was a ‘dichotomous mood state’.
I awakened the following day freshened up and wanting to take a very long stroll through the metropolitan area.
I decided to eat a more standardized cat meal consisting of a giant bowl of cat food with much milk mixed into it. It kind of looked like a bowl of cereal.
After eating my enjoyable meal I drank sixteen ounces of water from a bottle. Bottled water is a GOD send for people.
After cleaning and washing up I prepared myself to leave. First, I checked my pouch to see how much money I had. Thankfully, I had a ton of money.
I left my apartment with the intent of taking a long walk and eating out at one of Montreal’s nice malls.
I just had to flush out the horrible memory of what happened to Timmy. Although I was very relieved that he was finally going to be separated from his witch-mother and that he’d no doubt have a better life in Halifax with his father, I was worried about the consequences of his being roughly slapped and interrogated by his mother.
I also understood that his mother was sick. Therefore, after her stay in psychiatric lockup she’d probably be moved to non-custodial psychiatric care. The best case scenario would be a full recovery but with supervised visits of her son Timmy. Perhaps a miracle will occur in the not so distant future where the Spalding family can be re-united; an unlikely but still possible scenario.
I strolled through the mountain for half an hour before descending to Sherbrooke Street.
I managed to walk on Sherbrooke Street for fifteen minutes before getting an ice cream cone and relishing it on a bench. It was fun watching the passersby (pedestrian and drivers) give the entire area life and euphoria.
As I was finishing my ice cream cone a limo pulled over into the curb in front of me. At first I didn’t think much of it but then I felt that there was something peculiar about the way the limo was parked; right in front of me.
I could’ve sworn that something was up. Then a chauffeur exited the limousine and walked to the passenger side.
The chauffeur grinned then motioned me into the limousine. At first I didn’t know what to think of it but then the rear passenger door opened.
A middle-aged bald man, big sized, gangster looking man inside the limo stuck his head out and grinned at me.
“Hey, kitty, do you know who I am?”
“I’m certain that I’ve seen you somewhere before, but I just can’t pinpoint it.”
“Kitty, I’m Frank ‘Bogey-Man’ Bogey! Now do you remember me?”
“Oh my dear, you’re a big shot in this city! Wow! How’s it going, Mr. Bogey.
“I’m just fine. However, I need a kitty in my life. It’s one of those ‘love cravings’.
“Sure, Mr. Bogey, just give me a few seconds to finish my ice cream cone.”
As soon as I finished eating I descended onto the sidewalk then leaped into the limo; like a true leopardess.
As soon as my paws landed onto the interior of the limo Mr. Bogey ordered his chauffeur to get inside, to raise the soundproof partition window, and continue driving.
“What’s a cute little kitty like you doing all alone eating a vanilla ice cream cone? Are you lonely?”
“No, Mr. Bogey, actually I’ve had my share of too many friends, some of them not so normal.
But, this is the first time in my life that I ever sat next to a big shot. Why do people in this city fear and respect you?”
I found in peculiar that Mr. Bogey didn’t answer my direct question.
“Honey, don’t call me by my ‘official title’. Just call me Frank. I think that you and I are going to get it on just fine.
You know something, kitty, as soon as I took notice of you I told my chauffeur that you were a special kitty.
I’d like to drive you around the entire city and its boroughs, or suburbs, depending on which word you like.”
“Frank, I’d love to see your mansion! Actually, I love mansions ... I really do! I mean, I know that you live a first class life, good food, countless women ... no emotional attachment, freedom, and respect from the public at large.
Princes, I’ll show you whatever you want, including a good time.
You see, in my city, Montreal, I know where the underground bars are located. We’ve got everything in them from booze, gambling, ‘special dancers’, bare knuckle fighting, and whatever else you like. Back in the olden days they used to call these bars ‘Speakeasies’.
Honey-bun, I run this city like it is part of my body; it’s mine for the keeping and using.
Now, I know that you’re a polite kitty. So tell me your beautiful name.”
“My name is Jody Wilson and it’s my pleasure to meet you. I hope that our relationship can grow into something really big ... like maybe ‘for me’ to become a boss’s kitty. I remember hearing about that on the radio. People in your inner circle call you the boss. What do you say about that?”
“Jody, I love you! My ‘associates’ in the Montreal arena respect and fear me. I give off an image of strength, brutality, retribution, vengeance, revenge, and outright toughness.
Jody, you can be my special kitty, if you want. I just need you to do a ‘job’ for me; if you want?
Jody, I want us to eat lunch together. Don’t worry, the food will be very tasty, fresh, and clean.
Well, do you accept?”
“Yes, Frank, I accept wholeheartedly!
Frank reached over into the back of the limousine then opened the fridge door. He removed four roast beef sandwiches on rye, two bags of chips, one milk carton, two extra large pops, and an entire lemon meringue pie; clean utensils and all.
I was thrilled at the sight of such incredible food! I waited for Frank to take his first bite before I began to eat. I figured it was the appropriate thing to do considering all of the food was his to start with.
But, deep down inside, I was wondering why Frank was really so nice to me. No, maybe he liked me because I was so cute and adorable. You see, I had a ‘dichotomous view’ about my situation. I then began to wonder about ‘the job’. What kind of job did Frank want me to do?
“Jody, look over there, way in the back of my limo. That’s a sink, and there’s the mouthwash and soap. The towels are in the mini-drawers; how about that?”
“Wow, Frank, I’m flabbergasted by your incredible generosity! Your limo is gigantic! I’m wondering how much it cost you?”
“Jody, my money is always rejuvenating itself. I’ve always got plenty of it and I love to live a first class life.”
I ate and drank everything that Frank offered me. He was right about the food. I found it to be of the highest quality. The roast beef was well-trimmed of fat.
After eating I washed up then dried my face and body. Meanwhile, Frank was eyeing my every move. I must admit that I began to feel a bit anxious about that.
“Jody, I don’t mean to eye you. You’re such an incredibly cute cat. I mean it!
Just come over here and rest beside me. My chauffeur will keep driving until I command him to stop, no questions asked.”
Frank drove me around for roughly another hour before taking me to his mansion. It was located in the mountain located in Westmount.
The mansion was conspicuously hidden in a side street. The other mansions in the area had high fences and hedges to protect themselves and their precious privacy. No doubt, each of those mansions had an intricate alarm system. I’m sorry but locks alone won’t deter an intent burglar.
As soon as the chauffeur pulled into the driveway I exhaled deeply in awe. Frank’s mansion was gigantic. It was fit for a prince.
“Tom, when Jody and I exit the limo park in the garage.”
“Jody, this is your day! Follow me into my very own mansion.
You must follow me like my own shadow, or else you may get lost.
My bedroom contains fifteen bedrooms, a restroom and a shower in each, a recreation room, two study rooms, an incredible kitchen and living room and much else.
Jody, I don’t want to take up much of your time describing my mansion in detail. Just stay near me, okay?”
“Okay, I’ll stay on you like your own shadow.”
Frank took me on an expanded tour of his mansion and also outside; there I saw a large pool and a Jacuzzi.
After the expanded tour Frank carried me to the study room. Before he closed the door he made certain that nobody was nearby.
“Jody, do you know that I love you dearly? I have nothing but the absolute best in mind for you. That’s why I’m going to come out and make my request.
Jody, baby, I want you to swear that you’ll never tell a soul what I’m about to ask you.”
“Yes, Frank, I swear that I won’t tell a soul.”
“Jody, tell me the truth, you want to live in a mansion, right?”
“Yes, I want to live in a very large mansion. But I also want to be able to buy anything that I want.”
“Jody, I can certainly give you that and much more! But first, I want to explain to you what ‘the job’ is.
Jody, I know as a fact that next Wednesday there’ll be fifty million dollars in a ‘special safe’ in the Royal Bank of Canada (RBC) on Guy Street near Tim Horton’s.
Jody, you do know which RBC I’m referring to, right?”
“Yes, I certainly do!”
“Jody, I desperately need a small, tough, courageous, streamlined, agile, uninhibited, quick, intelligent, and vivacious cat like you to get into the RBC and pick the safe. Don’t worry the alarm system and the security guard will be taken care of beforehand.
Jody, I have several ‘individuals’ working on this job. Don’t worry about our cut! These individuals each owe me several favours a piece. I’ve saved their necks on numerous occasions. If anyone of these individuals tries to double cross me I’ll erase them for good!”
“Frank, I’ll give you a definitive answer by Monday morning at ten o’clock sharp.”
Afterwards, Frank took me to his study room then locked the door. Something was up; I mean ... he wore a pair of white surgical gloves.
After ensuring that the door was locked and that there were no cracks in the shades Frank opened up his safe then removed some papers then he placed them on a large table several feet to my right.
After Frank waved me over to the table I leaped up onto it then waited for Frank to speak.
“Jody I want you to see these designs. They are RBC designs. I mean, like, this is what the RBC that we’re going to hit looks like.
Jody, don’t be shy! Study these designs, all three versions. Don’t be fooled by the versions. These designs were specially made for a heist. In essence, our workers will have three different strategies of entry and exit into the RBC. Naturally, they can only use one of them, but the other two can be backups if anything goes wrong.
Jody, please ... scan the pages. It won’t hurt you, really. Now, I must go to the kitchen and take some antacid for my stomach. I’ll be back in a few minutes.
Naturally, as soon as Frank left the study room I flipped through the pages and glanced at the designs. I didn’t leave a single page unchecked.
After Frank returned from the kitchen I wished him the best of luck in his struggle against heartburn.
In response, Frank gently raised me to his face then gave me three kisses, one on each cheek and a peck on the mouth. I really thought that Frank loved me dearly. Boy did I have much to learn.
Anyhow, Frank escorted me to his white picket fence then asked me if I needed a ride home or anywhere else for that matter.
I thanked Frank for all that he did for me on that day. I told him that I needed to stretch out my legs by walking home.
“Jody, just don’t forget my offer! I’ll make you the ‘boss’s kitty’.”
I walked away flattered by what Frank had said but also bewildered and terrified. I was bewildered at my gargantuan mistake; getting into a vehicle of a stranger. In this case two of them. Also, I’d inadvertently squeezed myself by making a commitment to call Frank the following Monday morning.
As I proceeded to walk away a ‘eureka moment’ occurred! I realized that neither I nor Frank exchanged phone numbers or home addresses. His mansion was in a secluded part of the mountain. I could easily say that I couldn’t find it.
I continued my walk a bit relieved but nervous. A big hit was going to happen on Wednesday. The RBC in the downtown core was going to have some uninvited midnight guests on Wednesday.
A short while later I arrived at my apartment building tired, sleepy, and craving for a delicious snack.
As soon as I entered my apartment I went straight for the kitchen closet then opened it.
As soon as my eyes caught notice of a large box of crackers I leaped up onto the shelf then brought down my intended target.
After carrying it to the living room I opened the box and then returned to the kitchen to retrieve a large bowl. After that job was done I poured some milk into another bowl then carefully carried it to the living room.
Believe me, it was a very difficult task to gently place the full bowl on the coffee table.
I ended up enjoying a large snack while watching television. Somehow, the television viewing and the snack rejuvenated by some.
After eating and cleaning up I went straight the bedroom and crashed out. Boy, did it feel good!
THOSE OTHER GIRLS
I ended up sleeping for a good eight hours. I remember several dreams that I had. I was a lioness in each of my dreams, killing off zebras and wildebeest. The only animal that didn’t fear me was a large lion that was present in each of my dreams. For that, he was a party pooper.