Jody Wilson: Do You Love Me? by Bassam Imam - HTML preview

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JODY WILSON: DO YOU LOVE ME?
BASSAM IMAM MONTREAL

Cynthia and I finally got away from our previous dimension and entered what appeared to be a more stable one. We’d been in the suburb of Westmount, Quebec for a whole year without any horrible incidents.

Although we lived in Westmount, much of our life experiences took place in the city of Montreal.
We found the greater metropolitan area cosmopolitan, relatively friendly, and very active.
Unlike our previous home this area contained a bus service, subway system, and a long distance train. Not to mention, a good underground mall and walking system.
Although Cynthia and I have always been Anglophones at heart, we were in a multi-lingual environment, with French as the officially dominant language, and English the second language. Many other languages are spoken in this incredible place.
As for English, you can get by in the downtown area and much of suburbia. Being an American cat, I understood that there was only one dominant language in North America. At the moment, Spanish is expanding in various regions of the United States. The French language is not spreading has not spread to the United States.
Cynthia and I loved to take long walks, read, go to the mall and eat, watch television, and other fun stuff.
However, there was something that was still pestering me. How to find Cynthia Corbett ‘Mr. Right’?
It would be a little bit tricky and difficult because Cynthia wasn’t quite normal; mentally. Her experience with the gang-rape, the cold criminal justice system, and her other problems, weren’t going away. In fact, underneath our relative happiness was a very depressed and anxious young woman.
Cynthia and I decided to go to Westmount Park on a beautiful Sunday morning. We awoke to the sound of our alarm clock.
“Jody, please turn that ugly alarm off! I can leap like you can. I’m only a human being,” requested Cynthia.
“Don’t worry, Cynthia, consider the alarm clock turned off,” I responded.
I leaped onto the alarm clock then quickly turned it off.
Cynthia and I had gotten a good night’s sleep; however getting out of bed for humans if often quite difficult. I had to say this but I’ve picked up some human habits. Waking up isn’t quite the same as it was before. I’ve become too chummy with my human friends, especially Cynthia.
“Cynthia, rise and shine!” I exclaimed.
“Okay, my dear love,” responded Cynthia.
Cynthia and I got out of bed then headed for the restroom. We took turns washing up then I exited the restroom.
Cynthia disrobed then hopped into the shower. I was forbidden to see Cynthia in the nude. Never mind that we’re both girls and that I’m a cat. Cynthia still hadn’t fully recovered from her gang-rape ordeal.
Although I loved Cynthia more than anyone else in the world and I wanted her to make a full recovery, I was pessimistic about her making a recovery soon.
Even a cat knows that a gang-rape isn’t something that just goes away. The memory will always be there, no matter how much therapy the victim gets.
That’s not to say that the victim should give up on life. No, the victim should try to move on. Excel in whatever she/he can. Don’t let the perpetrators ruin your life.
Cynthia exited the shower a short while later, all freshened up and wearing a smile. Somehow, something didn’t seem right. My cat intuition and suspicion alerted me.
“Jody, let’s go to the kitchen so we can eat breakfast. I’m very hungry!” Cynthia asked.
“Yes, I’m hungry too. Actually, I’m famished. Let’s go to the kitchen to eat,” I said.
Cynthia and I went to the kitchen. As soon as we entered the kitchen, Cynthia asked me to leap onto my kitchen table and wait patiently for my breakfast.
Cynthia fixed us eggs, pancakes, juice, milk, and toast.
“Jody, do you like my cooking?” asked Cynthia.
“Your pancakes were incredible. Actually, everything was good except the eggs were a bit raw,” I said.
“Jody, do you still love me?” asked Cynthia.
“Of course I do, Cynthia! I love you a lot!” I exclaimed.
“Then why are you breaking my heart. You’re telling me that my hard work isn’t good. See, I’m crying!” exclaimed Cynthia.
“Cynthia, I’m so sorry! Your eggs are the best in the whole world, without any exception whatsoever,” I said.
“There you go, Jody. You really do love me.
Jody, will you always love me no matter what?” asked Cynthia.
“Yes, no matter what,” I said.
Cynthia and I cleaned up then washed up after breakfast.
We decided to head to the park at 10:00 A.M. Any later and our activities for the day would be delayed.
At 10:00 A.M. we exited our apartment then walked down the hall to the elevators.
As soon as we got to the elevators Cynthia pressed the down button. We waited patiently for the elevator to arrive.
Our patience paid off. The elevator arrived a minute later. As soon as the elevator door opened we saw a friend of ours named Lydia Love.
We entered the elevator then smiled at Lydia, a welldressed, beautiful black-haired woman. Also, she had beautiful cat eyes and a friendly demeanor.
Unfortunately, Lydia had read eyes and tears streaming down her cheeks. Instantly, Cynthia and I tried to find out what had happened to her.
“Lydia, why are you crying?” I asked.
“I received my Bachelor of Arts Degree in Sociology from McGill University last week. I ended up with a 3.5 GPA.
I was so happy, I rushed back home to tell my sister and her four friends the wonderful news.
As soon as I told them the good news, they frowned at me. Instantly, I knew that something was terribly wrong.
I asked them why they were frowning at me. I was shocked at their answer! They accused me of sleeping around to get my high GPA.
To tell you gals the truth, I was hoping that it was all a joke. Unfortunately, it wasn’t! My sister and her friends were boozing it up, eating pizza, potato chips, and all sorts of sweets.
I have always been picky about what I eat; until a few days ago, that it. The pressure of it all was too much for me. They called me a little wench! I’m not a wench! I studied my brains out to get my degree and GPA.
I knew that my sister was envious of me. She’s got two more years to graduate. She has a 2.0 GPA in Ancient History.
Suddenly, those little wenches began to laugh at me. That was the end of it! I physically attacked my sister. It was her fault. She should of stood by my side instead of conspire against me.
Then I proceeded to attack the other girls. Unfortunately, they outnumbered me. I found myself pinned to the floor, unable to move or say a word. My sister, who by then had a bloody nose, gagged my mouth with the palm of my hand.
They kept me on the floor for several minutes. Then, my sister slowly released her hand from my aching mouth.
At first, I thought that it was all over. No, it certainly wasn’t! Those little wenches told me that they were going to keep me on the floor as long as necessary, until I admitted to sleeping with my male professors and the academic dean.
Girls, I lasted for another hour before I finally caved in. Please understand that I was crying, hungry, thirsty, and frustrated as all hell.
I admitted, under duress, that I was a wench in school. That I slept with my male professors and especially Dean William T. Anderson, a man who’s old enough to be my grandfather.
Girls, I need a hug and a big kiss from each of you, starting with Jody.”
I leaped onto her chest, gave Lydia a kiss on the chin then rubbed my face against her left cheek. In essence, I was marking her.
As soon as the elevator door opened, the three of us left, going straight to the lounge room.
Meanwhile, I was still in Lydia’s arms; trying desperately to console her.
As soon as Cynthia and Lydia sat down I leaped onto the floor, to allow Cynthia to console Lydia.
Both girls stood up then Cynthia gave Lydia a big embrace and a kiss on the right cheek. That brought a smile to Lydia’s face.
“Girls, thank you very much for helping me through this rough time! I’m leaving Montreal tomorrow evening. Please allow me to take you out for a nice meal. I want to leave this beautiful city in good spirits. As for my sister, I don’t want to talk to that little wench ever again!”
We chatted with Lydia for roughly twenty minutes before she began to cry again. This time, it was much worse. The irreversible familial problems had taken a toll on her. Lydia knew that when she left, it was for good.
Cynthia and I embraced Lydia and spoke to her slowly and softly. Thankfully, it helped to raise her spirits.
“Girls, why don’t I take you out to eat? When we arrive at the Eaton Center It’ll be lunch time.
How about it? It’s all on me!”
“That’ll be really fine!” I exclaimed.
“Please don’t overburden yourself with this invitation. You’re still recovering from a horrific ordeal. Also, what about the police? Did you consider calling them up and telling them what had happened?” asked Cynthia.
“How can I testify against my own flesh and blood? She’s all I got now. My younger brother and parents died in a car crash. A drunk driver drove into an outdoor food stand in Toronto.
Imagine, here I was sweating my buns off in school then I receive a phone call from one of my former Torontonian neighbors.
This guy looks like a shriveled up prune. He told me point blank that my parents and brother were killed in a car accident.
Elmer, as we used to call him, had no tact; only a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of Old Granddad Bourbon in the other.
Girls, I must take you out to eat. Please allow me to do one last good deed before I return home.
I’m all alone! No family! No husband! No children! And I can’t stop ... I just need more time to figure out what else I don’t have. I have a gut feeling that I’m missing something very important in my life.”
What did Lydia mean by ‘I can’t stop’?
I sensed that Lydia was suffering from terrible pain, anxiety, depression, apprehension, and confusion. It was obvious to me that she was in no condition to take us out to eat. She was Montreal soon afterwards.
I glanced over at Cynthia indicating that I didn’t want to go out to eat. So, I told Lydia that we should stay in the lounge room. There was nobody there except two quiet, well-behaved workers.
“Why don’t we get some food here, from the snack bar then we can sit down and enjoy a beautiful, quiet lunch,” I said.
“Jody, you’re a genius! I love you so much!” exclaimed Lydia
I noticed that Cynthia’s face turned red then it paled; indicating that she felt left out. Lydia didn’t tell her that she loved her too.
Anyway, we went to the snack bar and ordered our lunches.
“Sir, please give me a tuna sandwich, milk, minisalad, a slice of lemon meringue pie, and fries. Wait, I also want a Frankenstein pop drink; make it a super-sized can,” said Lydia.
“Certainly, and what do you lovely girls want to order?”
“We’ll have the same thing,” said Cynthia.
We walked over to a table near a mini-fountain and faux plants. It was in a nice secluded corner.
The three of us chatted for ten minutes before the other worker brought our food to us.
We ate that meal like there was no tomorrow! It was one of the most enjoyable meals I ever had.
After finishing our meal, Lydia insisted on paying the tab. We reluctantly agreed. The fact is Cynthia and I had so much fun we felt like it was obligatory on us to pay for the food.
We walked over to the television section then sat down.
“Jody, do you love me?” asked Lydia.
Somehow, that question seemed to be too up front and early in our relationship. I’d only known Lydia for a short while. Thankfully, I liked her a lot. In order not to offend or hurt her feelings, I told her that I did indeed love her.
Meanwhile, Cynthia was grinding her teeth. For a second, I thought she was going to bite Lydia. Thankfully, she didn’t.
After chatting and watching television for a couple of hours, Lydia informed us that she had to get some rest before leaving. She decided to leave the following morning.
Cynthia and I gave Lydia a good, long hug. Then each of us kissed her on the cheek.
Lydia was so happy, she cried. But this was the good kind of cry; the happiness cry.
I still sensed something unusual about Lydia. She was temporarily content, but something very painful was brewing inside of her.
“Lydia, it was our pleasure to have met you. We wish you the best of luck in your career ventures, marriage, and security,” said Cynthia.
As Cynthia was walking away, Cynthia went to the restroom. That’s when Lydia waved me over to her.
“Jody, I live in apartment number 905. Please, if you can, come to visit me, tonight.”
I gave Lydia an okay on the visit. Although I wasn’t sure why she wanted me to visit her, Lydia had a problem.
I walked Cynthia to the elevator then waved her goodbye. She did likewise.
I quickly ran back to my previous place. I didn’t want Cynthia to know about my rendezvous with Lydia. Humans can sometimes feel extreme envy and jealousy for the most trivial reasons.
As soon Cynthia returned I put on a smiling face as though nothing had happened.
“Jody, something doesn’t seem right. You’re giving me an unusual smile; like you’re hiding something from me. Are you hiding anything from me?”
“Cat’s honor, I’m not up to anything underhanded or conniving.
After barely convincing Cynthia that I had nothing personal going on with Lydia we left our apartment building in good spirits.
Unfortunately, my feline altered me to the hidden problems of my two friends, Cynthia and Lydia. No doubt, they had deep emotional wounds. I had to dig into Lydia’s psyche.
As for Cynthia, I already knew something about her problems. But, there were still other problems to be resolved. For a solution to these problems, Cynthia had to open up ‘completely’ to me.
Cynthia and I headed east on Sherbrooke Street. As soon as we reached Atwater Street we walk down to St. Catherines Street and continued east until we got to the Eaton Center.
By now it was late afternoon and the people were beginning to converge upon this area.
Cynthia and I entered the Eaton Center then took the elevator to the fourth floor. It’s calmer up there. Most people converge upon the first three floors.
Cynthia and I casually walked the fourth floor twice before taking the elevator to the third floor. Once there, we headed for the exit then walked towards Bonaventure.
As soon as we exited the Eaton Center Cynthia got into a tangle with a homeless man.
The homeless man was sitting down on the sidewalk, with alcohol breath, a cigarette in his hand, disheveled hair, holes in his pants and shirt, and a stench that could kill a lion.
I figured he couldn’t have cared less about what people thought of him. Judging from the way he spoke the years of boozing had destroyed his brain, perhaps beyond repair.
“Hey, honey! Can you please give me a couple of bucks for dinner? I’m two dollars short for a big bottle of Beer.”
“Listen to me you stinking nitwit! I’m not your freaking honey! Next time you call me honey I’ll punch you in the nose. Got-it?” shouted Cynthia.
“Hold your horses, princess! Who told you that my ‘honey’ was directed at you? I was talking to your cute little cat.”
We don’t give money to drunkards!” I exclaimed.
Cynthia and I took on last look at the homeless man then crossed St. Catherines Street.
“Jody, I really sympathize with people and companion animals that are homeless for reasons beyond their control. Any person like that boozer gets nothing from me but disgust.”
On our way to Bonaventure we passed an outdoor café’. The patrons looked like they were happy and relaxed. In fact, one of the patrons blew Cynthia a kiss. That was a fatal error!
“Jody, that man wants to assault me!” I want need your help! Please don’t leave me if he tries anything! I’ve got my hand on my cell phone!”
I didn’t have the heart to tell Cynthia that she was acting irrationally. I used more subtle words.
“Cynthia, I really think that that man likes you. He’s handsome, wearing a suit and a tie, appears friendly, and is worth speaking to.”
Cynthia and I approached the man directly. I assumed that he was friendly while Cynthia wasn’t so sure. Anyhow, we had to see what he was up to.
“Sir, how are you?” I asked.
“I’m fine, thank you!”
“You look like you’re in good spirits,” said Cynthia.
“Yes, I’m waiting for my wife and kids. I’m sorry about the kiss. I mean, if it insulted you?”
“You were directing it at me?” I asked.
“Yes, at you. You see, my cat died a few weeks ago. He was run over by a cruel driver.
Toby and I were crossing the street on a walk sign then this creep comes out of nowhere. Worse yet, he tried to run us over.
Toby pushed me out of the way by leaping at my back. The result, I was pushed forward several feet while he bounced back onto the ground.
After he was run over I called the police. Unfortunately, they couldn’t help much. It looked like a dark car. But being nighttime, colors are deceiving.
I didn’t get the license plate number either. I was clutching straws. I figured the person had done this kind of thing before. Anyhow, Toby was squashed to death.
Thankfully, a friendly onlooker removed a plastic bag from his backpack then carefully swooped Toby’s pancakelooking body into it.
Afterwards, he gave me the bag. I thanked him afterwards then walked away.
Burying Toby was very painful. Not to mention the lie. My wife and son loved Toby to death. I told them that Toby died suddenly. And that I took him to the veterinarian.
I claimed that the veterinarian gave no cause of death.”
“We’re so sorry!” exclaimed Cynthia.
“You two girls look like you really get along fine. Please cherish every single moment that you are together. A cat is a human’s ‘special friend’.”
Cynthia and I noticed that the man’s eyes were teary. Also, the waiter came by and placed the order on the table.
We said our goodbyes then we left area wondering about the poor little kitty.
Cynthia and I decided to walk through Ville Marie then through Bonaventure. As soon as we arrived at Bonaventure we sat down in a secluded area and watched the people as they walked by us.
Montreal was a good city for both of us; subway system, bus service, malls, and a generally friendly atmosphere. However, there was one sad thing that I noticed; there were hardly any cats on the streets. The vast majority of my brethren were in homes or an animal shelter.
I guess you could say that I’d become too humanized; imprinted to the Homo sapiens; the naked primates.
The super felines of old were once feared beyond comprehension. With awesome daggers and incredible claws the other animals dreaded their attack.
Now our kind is controlled by humans. Big cats’ habitats are shrinking or are carved out by humans. What a shame!
Cynthia and I decided to walk to the skating rink then turn back to the Eaton Center. We were starting to get hungry and we needed more caffeine in our systems.
Roughly twenty minutes later, Cynthia and I entered the Eaten Center then descended the escalators to the lower level.
We toured the food court trying to find a place to get food from.
We decided to eat at Burger King. A trio is an easy and convenient meal.
We walked over to the Burger King stand then patiently waited in line.
“Yes, may I take your order?”
“We want two veggie trios, everything extra on the burgers, super-sized fries, and super-sized diet cokes without ice. Also, please give us two pies,” I said.
“Is that for here or to go?”
“We want to eat our food here,” I said.
After Cynthia paid for our food we grabbed several packets of ketchup and pepper.
A short while later our food was presented to us on a tray.
Cynthia carried the tray to a table near a hand sanitizer. After she and I cleaned up we continued to walk through the food court in order to find a good place to eat.
We ended up sitting near a viewing screen. It was a very relaxing environment.
“Jody, how many ketchup packets and peppers do you want on your burger and fries?”
“I want one ketchup packet’s worth on my burger, and give me four on my fries. Also, I want three pepper packet’s worth on my fries please.
Oh, and don’t forget my straw!”
Cynthia and I enjoyed our meal. Thankfully, nobody bothered us and the food was very tasty. Considering how much we paid for it, it was an incredibly good deal.
After finishing our last morsel and taking our last gulp Cynthia emptied out the contents of the tray into the garbage bin.
Afterwards, Cynthia and I went to the restroom to wash up.
A short while later, we exited the restroom then walked around the Eaton Center.
There were many people in the center. I guess malls attract humans the way honey attracts bears.
JODY LOOK AT MY BODY

After twenty minutes of walking Cynthia and I called it quits. Although we’d had a beautiful day it was time to go home. Her feet and my paws were beginning to ache. Besides, our home was a sweet place, in a literal sense.

Cynthia and I often told each other secrets. We opened up to each other. However, I admit that Cynthia was holding back on me. I sensed that her eating disorder could return at any moment. That’s why I cropped up my ears whenever Cynthia entered the restroom.

Also, I had to keep a keen eye on her knuckles, her weight, behavior, and general demeanor.
As soon as we entered our apartment Cynthia dashed into her bedroom then closed the door behind her and locked it.
Even after all that we’d been through Cynthia never disrobed in front of me. The gang-rape memory was still haunting her.
In other words, being the nude brought out flashbacks of the gang-rape.
After conversing for a few minutes, Cynthia and I decided to hit the sack for as long as possible. That’s how tired we were.
We hopped into bed then Cynthia glanced at the alarm clock. A short while later Cynthia was sound asleep. I was certain of this because her pupils were shifting rapidly from right to left.
I crept out of bed, left our apartment, and then slowly walked to the elevators.
As soon as I got there I leaped up then pressed the up button. We were in apartment number 509, while Lydia was in apartment number 910.
As soon as the elevator door opened I leaped inside, then again unto the number 9. I quickly punched it then descended to the floor.
After exiting the elevator on the ninth floor I dashed to Lydia’s room then pawed on the door.
Lydia ran to the door then opened it. She was flabbergasted to see me.
After inviting me into her apartment, Lydia insisted that I sit on the sofa in the living room. I did just that.
“Jody, I want to fix you a tasty snack. Please don’t reject me or my snack.”
“No problem, I’ll eat whatever you give me, my dear love.”
I sensed that Lydia had been crying. Her eyes were red, her voice was shaky, and her general demeanor indicated incredible stress.
Lydia fixed me a large bowl of vanilla ice cream. Gosh how the heck was I going to reject this snack? Lydia need not have been apprehensive about my rejecting her food.
Lydia placed the food beside me then she returned to the kitchen to pick up her own snack.
A short while later, Lydia and I were munching on a tasty snack. Vanilla was always my favorite flavor. Too bad, chocolate is very harmful to cats and dogs. I mean, it smells really nice. Perhaps one day scientist will make chocolate safe for us.
“Jody, you don’t mind the cartoons in the background, do you?”
“No way, I love cartoons! Please keep your television on. I mean it.”
“Jody, I appreciate your coming here behind Cynthia’s back. Yes, I know for a fact that you snuck out of your apartment while she was sound asleep. Perhaps she was in a dream state?”
“Lydia, I care about you dearly. Besides, I can befriend whomever I please. Cynthia’s not my mommy!” I exclaimed.
“Jody, my sister and her friends just left this apartment. They mocked me for being a fatso. I’ve tried everything in the book. I just can’t lose any more weight without ending up in ‘special clinic’. You do understand what I mean?”
“Yes, I certainly understand what you mean. However, I’m puzzled at this thing about you being a fatso. Lydia, you’re skinny! I mean this from the bottom of my heart!”
At that point Lydia broke down in tears. She fell onto the carpet then rolled up like a snail.
“Jody, I’m nothing but an ugly duckling. Maybe, I did sleep my way to a degree. Maybe I just can’t remember sleeping with my male professors and the academic dean.”
“Lydia, please don’t be verbally self-destructive! You did not sleep your way to a Bachelor of Arts degree! You are a very intelligent, beautiful, and empathetic friend. I love you so dearly.
Please don’t fall into that self-pity trap! I’ve seen the horrible results of eating disorders.
“Lydia, I demand that you tell me how you keep your weight down and still manage to eat like a lioness.”
“Jody, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have a real eating problem. Sure, I’m in incredible pain, but I am very busy throughout the day.”
“Lydia, please be honest with me. What happened to you when you were a child?”
“Jody, please don’t tell anyone. My parents, and my sister for that matter, never told me that they loved me. Sure, I got whatever material goods that I needed, but love was not one of them.
The only person who told me that he loved me was a tree bird named Lucky O’Malley.
Lucky was my best friend in the whole world for the duration of his short life.
Jody, when my sister and her friends tormented me recently I felt like killing them all! Those little wenches should be sent to the gallows! Yes, especially my wench sister.
There’ll be no next time. I’m leaving this city for good! I don’t want to ever see my little sister again. I changed my mind. I don’t want to move to Toronto. My sister wants to move back to Toronto as soon as she graduates. Vancouver or somewhere in western Ontario would be a better bet for me.
Jody, I want you to follow me to my bedroom. I need to show you something and to ask you a question or two.”
I thought that it was a bit odd for Lydia to ask me into her bedroom because she didn’t appear to want to sleep.
As soon as we entered Lydia’s bedroom she slowly closed the door.
Jody, I’m going to disrobe. Look, I want you to see what I really look like. Then you can tell me that I’m ugly.”
“Lydia, please don’t do this!”
“Jody if you don’t help me I’ll have a nervous breakdown right here and now! Also, I’ll never speak to you for the rest of my life!”
I relented. There was nothing that I could do. Go away and Lydia would be mentally devastated and maybe she would try to harm herself.
Lydia slowly disrobed then she did several 360 degree turns, like a carrousel. I guess she wanted me to see her entire body from every single angle possible.
“Jody, look at my body. I’m a fatso! I want you to look at my stomach, love handles, and my staffing breasts. Even my nipples are fat.”
“Lydia, you are terrifyingly skinny! You’re kind of like Twiggy. Please put on some weight! Otherwise, you’ll get really sick, maybe even die.
I’m telling you this because I love you very much. In case you don’t know, that means that I care about you!” I exclaimed.
“Jody thanks for telling me that I’m terrifyingly skinny. I want to look like a little girly. I don’t want to be a fatso.
Wait, what about my sagging breasts?”
“Lydia, you are as flat as a cat. Your breasts are as flat as mine. You’re a human being. You can’t be like this. Please, let me fix you something to eat.”
“Jody, you’re trying to make me fat!”
“Lydia, I’m not trying to do that! Please get a medical exam. I noticed that you were skinny when you were dressed. However, I didn’t know that you were like this.
Lydia, I want to know how you can manage to stay that skinny and eat normally. I have a friend who sticks her finger deep into her throat whenever she’s emotionally challenged about something.
I want to know! If you don’t tell me, I’m walking!”
“Jody, please don’t leave me. Please tell me that you love me. I need someone to tell me THE THREE GOLDEN WORDS that every sane woman wants to hear … ‘I love you’.”
“Lydia, I love you! Now please eat like a woman, not like a mouse.
Go ahead and leave your sister, but seek counseling for your problem.”
“Jody, I’m not sick! I’m normal! Why can’t you accept me the way I am?”
“Okay, my dear love. But please, for the sake of your health, drink plenty of water and make sure that you get all of your vitamins and minerals and everything else that your body needs, in liquid and solid form. As long as you are happy and healthy, I’ll be content.”
“Jody, you’re the best kitty in the whole world. Please, I want you to squeeze my stomach, love handles, and my breasts. Afterwards, I want you to promise me that I’m not fat. If you do that, I’ll believe you. In addition, I will eat and drink whatever my mind and body need.”
I did as Lydia asked then told her that she wasn’t fat. My actions put a big smile on Lydia’s face. A
“Jody, please sleep with me for a few hours. I’m very lonely and it’s not like I’m afraid of the boogey man, really. I just don’t like to sleep alone.
My sister and her friends won’t be back until after I leave Montreal. I’ll leave that little wench a goodbye letter.
Maybe, I should put some poison in several of the food item in the fridge. What do you think about that, Jody?”
“No, please don’t do that! Just leave the goodbye note and leave. If your sister is as bad as you say, never return!”
I promised Lydia that I’d sleep beside her for three hours. Afterwards, I’d have to sneak back into our apartment and slither into bed with Cynthia.
If Cynthia ever found out that I had a sleepover, it would cause a major rift in our friendship. After all that we’d been through, I didn’t need that.
Exactly three hours later, I gave Lydia a gentle kiss on the cheek then I crept out of her bed.
A few minutes later, I slithered into our apartment. Hopefully, unnoticed.
Thankfully, Cynthia was sound asleep. I slithered into bed then closed my eyes. I was very thankful that Cynthia didn’t notice me leaving our apartment.
Lydia left Montreal two days later. However, before she left she came by to say goodbye. It was a very emotional goodbye, at that.
For the following three months I noticed that Cynthia’s behavior had begun to deteriorate. I figured she needed a good husband. Where could I find him? That was the million dollar question.
SANDRA SPALDING

Our lucky break came on a Friday evening. Cynthia and I had decided to go to the Westmount Public Library and read for several hours. We were long due for book and magazine reading. Internet reading is very good, but you need the other avenues of knowledge acquisition.

Cynthia and I ate an early dinner, washed up then began our trek to the library. In all it only took us ten minutes to walk there.

As soon as Cynthia and I entered Westmount Park we felt a rush of relief. Although the park is too small to even be a dot on the map, our instincts had awakened.

I’ve always believed that companion animals and humans have a hidden need to go back to the forest or other open land. The concrete jungle is nice but every so often we need to see, smell, hear, and feel the outdoors.

We continued our walk to the north entrance of the Westmount Public Library.
Upon entering the library Cynthia and I went to the magazine then pulled four magazines for us to read; two for each of us. Cynthia took two women’s magazines while I took two doggy ones.
We sat down and read through the magazines for an hour. Then we decided to go upstairs.
As soon as went upstairs Cynthia told me to sit on a sofa nearby. I did as she requested.
Cynthia entered the restroom to wash up. I crept to the restroom then pressed my ear against the door. Mind you, I wasn’t trying to be a snoopy kitty. I did it because I cared about Cynthia. I loved her so much!
Thankfully, she didn’t stick her finger down her throat. A library worker eyed me then walked away. Naturally, she didn’t understand why I’d pressed my ear against the restroom door. I had to wait and see if she complained to the head librarian.
For a few minutes my pulse and blood pressure were elevated. As soon as I saw the library worker again she didn’t take much notice of me. This was a good sign.
“Jody, let’s sit somewhere else. Maybe in that secluded area next to the window. We can see the park from this vantage point. Jody, stay seated until I return. I want to browse around for a while.”
As soon as Cynthia walked away I pressed my face against the window in order to see the people and animals outside. There were four humans, two squirrels and three pigeons in the area.
As soon as I began tapping my paw on the glass window Cynthia returned.
She and I sat down and chatted about what we’d read. It was fifteen minutes later before another library worker approached us.
She seemed to be very caring and friendly. It was like she’d known us a lifetime.
Madam, I noticed that you were browsing in the relationships area. If you want the perfect husband I know how to find him. Are you game?”
YES, TELL ME HOW I CAN FIND MR. RIGHT! I’M READY TO PAY AND TO GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!” exclaimed Cynthia.
“Cynthia, please lower your voice. Remember, this is a library,” I said.
“Madam, I know where you can purchase a fleshy android. He’ll be pre-programmed to fit your specific personality and needs. In essence, you will choose between two different kinds of fleshy androids.
Also, making love to a fleshy android is very comforting. Either male or female; he/she doesn’t tire out. No panting, no I’m sleepy, no adultery, no spousal abuse (verbal or physical), and no disobedience. You will be the ‘commander’ of the household.
Girls, how does that sound? Is it too good to be true? Well, it isn’t.”
I couldn’t help but notice that the library worker was at least fifty pounds overweight, and appeared to be lonely. I was almost certain that she didn’t have a man in her life. He had the look of desperation and apprehension on her face.
Well, I found out really fast why she didn’t have a fleshy android husband.
“Girls, it’ll cost you ten thousand Canadian dollars for a fleshy android. No taxes or official government forms to fill out; it’s all under the table.
The fleshy android hasn’t been approved by the Government of Canada or the Government of Quebec.”
“I forgot something in the restroom. Please excuse me,” said Cynthia.
As soon as Cynthia left for the restroom the library worker began to cry.
“Why are you crying?”
“Kitty, I’ve had four jobs now and nobody has said the three golden words to me! My boss has never told me that he loves me. I work really hard in this library. Actually, I had two other library jobs; at the Verdun Public Library and the Saint Laurent Public Library. If I don’t get those three words in this library soon, I’ll apply for another library job at the LaSalle Public Library.
Kitty, what’s your name?”
“I’m Jody Wilson, and my friend is Cynthia Corbett.
“Jody, do you love me? Please tell me that you love me?”
“Please tell me your name first.”
“I’m sorry for forgetting to tell you my name. As you can see I’m crying my brains out.
My name is Sandra Spalding.”
I leaped onto Sandra’s chest, gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek then told her that I love her. That was enough to help her stop crying.
After I leaped back onto the carpet, Sandra recited her home phone number to me. I memorized it quickly.
Cynthia returned from the restrooms teary-eyed. Her tears weren’t caused by crying. I strongly suspected that she stuck her finger down her throat. Anyhow, I was pre-occupied with the other problem at hand.
Cynthia saw what I did to Sandra and she heard me tell her the three golden words. She didn’t like it. She thought that I was two timing her. As if I had another secret best friend in the whole world.
“Cynthia, this is Sandra Spalding!”
“I’m glad to meet you! I think the three of us can be good friends. You really seem like a nice person. However, please don’t forget that Jody Wilson is my best friend in the whole world. And I am her best friend in the whole world.”
“Gosh I’d never try to get in between the two of you or anyone else. I’m neither a friendship buster nor a marriage buster. I was brought up by good parents.
As for the fleshy android, I’ll write down the street address, phone number, and email of the secret place. Normally, I’d never give out this information to anyone. However, Cynthia, I see pain, agony, and loneliness on your face and demeanor. It takes one to know one.
Oh, Jody, I’m not taking anything away from you. By loneliness I mean that Cynthia desperately needs to find Mr. Right.”
Sandra wrote down the phone number of the secret place. After we thanked her dearly for the information, she went back to work. Although she was still a bit teary-eyed I think that she was very thankful to have me us.
“Jody, what were you doing with Sandra while I was in the restroom?”
“Cynthia, what were you doing in the restroom?”
My response was enough to halt Cynthia’s verbal attack upon me. Besides, I’ m my own cat. If I want to make a new friend it’s my own business.
Cynthia and I spent the next fifteen minutes chatting about trivial things. Afterwards, we got up and left the Westmount Public Library.
As soon as we exited the library we noticed menacing clouds overhead. It really looked like it was going to rain soon. So Cynthia and I hurried back to our apartment.
As soon as we got onto Sherbrooke Street we headed west. After walking for several blocks, we noticed a break in the clouds. The incredible sun was manifesting its beautiful face so everyone could see it. However, east of us were gray-black clouds. They were bursting at the seams with water. A downpour was inevitable. However, Cynthia and I were craving for some ice cream. So entered an ice cream parlor then ordered two large vanilla cones dipped into butterscotch. My, did our treat taste good.
We relished the taste, feel, and scent of it all. After we finished our cones we hurried back home.
As soon as Cynthia and I entered our apartment she threw a fit. It was totally unfounded, but probably eminent.
“Jody, what did you and that little wench talk about? I want to know! Jody, did you agree to have a secret rendezvous with that little wench?
Jody, you and I are best friends in the whole world to each other. You can’t have secret friendships without me; especially if it’s with a wench like Sandra!”
“Cynthia, you’re over-reacting! Sandra and I didn’t say or do anything behind your back.”
“Jody, did that little wench give you her phone number. If she did, I want you to flush it down the toilet.”
“Cat’s honor, Sandra did no such thing! Cynthia, I love you more than anyone else in the whole world.”
Cynthia and I went at it for another thirty minutes. Then, it abated. We were so exhausted, sleep overtook us instantly. We collapsed on our bed then closed our eyes; only to awaken many hours later.
Cynthia and I awakened the next morning in better spirits. We hugged, kissed, and said the three golden words to each other. Those words are truly golden. Many people, especially those who are desperate for a companion need to hear those kind words.
Two whole weeks passed before I got the courage to call Sandra. I was afraid that Cynthia would find out. The circumstances had changed. Cynthia was hospitalized as a result of an incredibly powerful bug. It was tough to combat. It zapped much of Cynthia’s strength. Mind you, I was calling her up at least once a day and visiting her often.
Cynthia and I had agreed to go to the secret place after she got better. Then she could pick out a good husband.
“Sandra, hello, it’s me Jody Wilson from the library.”
“Gosh, Jody how the heck are you doing?”
“I’m doing just fine. I’ve been thinking about you all this time. I think that you’re an incredibly good person. Well, would you like to meet up?”
“Jody, please come over, right now! I’m craving for a loving friend.
As soon as you arrive I’ll order us a pizza. I have milk, juice, dessert, and high-caffeinated pop. I know that you are like me. Sometimes during times of depression I need a good buzz.”
After Sandra and I finished chatting on the phone, I quickly washed up, called Cynthia and told her that I loved her then dashed to Sandra’s apartment.
Thankfully, her apartment was only a ten minute walk. Both of us lived near Westmount Park.
As I was walking to Sandra’s house three kids approached me. One of them, an ugly little girl, told me that she wanted to pet me.
I almost allowed her to do that. However, I noticed that one of the other kids, a chubby boy, with a witch’s pimple on his nose, and snots dangling to his chin, was holding a firecracker in his right hand.
Instantly, I ran away! I didn’t even look back to see what the kids were doing.
A short while later I entered the apartment building where Sandra lived. After locating her name on the bulletin I buzzed her room.
Five seconds later, Sandra buzzed me in. I was ecstatic! Now I could enjoy the company of another good friend.
I dashed through the lobby then pushed the up button for the elevators.
A short while later, I entered elevator number four. A few seconds later, I found myself on the eleventh floor.
I exited the elevator then walked to room number 1105 then I knocked on the door.
Sandra opened the door then opened out her hands. I got the message. She wanted me to leap onto her chest. So I obliged her.
After Sandra closed her apartment door, she gave me a big kiss between the ears, then a bear hug.
In turn, I gave her a kiss on the forehead, licked her chin then I rubbed the side of my head onto hers.
“Jody, I love you so much! Did you gals go to the secret place?”
“No, we didn’t go yet. Cynthia’s in the hospital recovering from an incredibly powerful bug. I think that she’ll be in the hospital for three or four more days. In case you want to call or visit her, she’s at the Montreal General Hospital.
Anyway, please don’t ever tell her or anyone else that I visited you. Cynthia wants me all to herself. I can’t blame her.”
“Jody, you’re absolutely right! You’re a wonderfully incredible cat! I love you so dearly! If it wasn’t for Cynthia, you and I would be best friends in the whole world.
As for our pizza, would you like extra cheese and no toppings?”
“That sounds nice! You do have more food in the fridge? We can eat and drink from that too, correct?”
“Jody, you can have anything that you want from me!”
Sandra ordered pizza then she and I conversed about various topics until the pizza delivery man buzzed from downstairs.
After buzzing the pizza boy into the apartment building and paying for the pizza Sandra and I gorged on our food like hungry lions.
We ended up eating an entire extra large pizza, pop, and ice cream. Although I had my fill, Sandra ate the vast majority of food.
From our first encounter at the library, it was apparent to me that Sandra was considerably overweight. I wouldn’t quite call her obese, but unhealthily overweight.
After watching television for a couple of hours, Sandra and I decided to take a long walk. We were satiated. Humans aren’t supposed to sleep after eating a big meal. Cats are immune to this rule.
We left Sandra’s apartment with the intent to return within two hours. In actuality, we returned home many hours later.
As we were walking through Westmount Park I noticed a squirrel crying his brains out. Wondering what was wrong I told Sandra that we should investigate.
Hey little squirrel. What is the matter with you? Why are you crying so?” asked Sandra.
“Do you see that nut over there? I can’t crack it open. For some reason the shell is too hard. Maybe, it’s a freak of nature. However, I’ve had my eye on it for some time now. It’s really big and I’m literally starving. I need to pack on much weight before the cold season. I have to become obese, or else I’ll starve to death. Could you please help me?”
“Of course well help you! Jody can crack that nut with her powerful jaws and teeth,” said Sandra.
I cracked the nut open then gave it to the squirrel. By now, the squirrel was in much better spirits.
“Little squirrel, what’s your name?”
“My name is Corey. I’m normally happy and secure in this park; except for the occasional trouble-making teen. A tiny percentage of them are outright cruel to animals.
Several years ago they had ducks in that artificial pond over there. Well, someone poisoned them. What a terrible thing to do.
Otherwise, summer is the best time of the entire year. There are many good humans out there. They love to feed the squirrels, pigeons, and also the gulls. However, the gulls are the lowest on their love list. Perhaps it’s because they’re the biggest, and are aggressive towards pigeons and squirrels.
Squirrels can sometimes be a bit nasty. However, we’re not as loud and arrogant as gulls.
On the other hand, gulls are the most fearful of humans. I guess they’ve had worse experiences with them. Also, it’s probably instinctive.
That large tree over there near the restrooms is my favorite resting place. Mind you, I don’t like to sleep there. At night my defenses are down.”
“Corey, I’m Sandra and this is my dear friend Jody. Do you need anything else from us?
“No, everything is just fine! Thanks a lot for helping me acquire my food. Have a beautiful day!”
Sandra and I walked over to the other end of the park, near the largest part of the artificial pond.
Although there was a no swimming sign there and the pond was obviously filthy, we saw two kids wading and splashing therein.
I can’t imagine what their parents were thinking. Although we saw them sitting nearby Sandra and I left them alone. They looked like a couple of creeps. You know, like the Adams Family on television.
“Sandra, let’s sit over here. This bench looks like a nice place to rest in. My, is there beauty in the air. Even the sky looks nice and blue,” I said.
“Jody, I love you so dearly. Please repeat the three golden words to me. I’m starting to feel emotionally deprived again. Usually when that happens I gorge on food.
“Jody, I know that I’m not exactly Ms. Canada. Although my hair, eyes, skin, lips, nose, voice, and ears are incredibly gorgeous, I still need to lose about fifty or so pounds.
Sometimes, when I’m walking alone, or when I’m standing in the bus or train someone nearby says the dreaded F word to me. Fatso is the worst thing that anyone can ever call me, except for the W word. Jody, I’m not a wench!
Jody, I’ve been called a wench before. I think it’s out of envy and jealousy. If it wasn’t for my weight, I’d have a hundred boyfriends. Then, I can choose two of them; one for marriage and the other for a secret affair.”
“Sandra, I love you! You’ve been very kind and generous to me.”
“Jody, you’ve made my day! Let’s go to the Pepsi Forum. We can see two or three movies then we can head back home and have dinner together.
I hope Cynthia makes a spontaneous recovery from her medical problem, so that the two of you can be best friends in the whole world.”
Sandra and I left Westmount Park then walked east on Maisonneuve Boulevard.
Our walk to the Pepsi Forum was very relaxing and enjoyable. Nobody gave us a bad look. Thankfully, Sandra wasn’t called ‘fatso’ by anyone.
I think that humans can sometimes be very cruel and inhumane, both to other humans, animals, and especially to the environment. No wonder there are numerous ongoing military conflicts on this planet.
As soon as we entered the Pepsi Forum Sandra asked me to wait for her downstairs while she went upstairs to the restrooms. I did as she asked.
I sat down then waited for Sandra to return. Meanwhile, a young couple approached me, both smiling and happy. I figured they were friendly.
The man was in his late twenties, tall, handsome, red-haired and blue-eyed, and the woman was a tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed princess. Perhaps she was in her early twenties.
“Hey kitty, are you lost?” said the woman.
“No, actually, I’m waiting for my friend.”
“Kitty you’re really cute! If you ever need a new home and a loving family you are welcome in our home. Tara our two year-old daughter would love to have you as a pseudo-sister. You’re exactly what our family needs.
We live in a mini-mansion in Mount Royal. My wife and I own and operate a downtown legal firm; Thompson and Kruger Corporate Attorneys.
We make over a million dollars a year. Kitty, if you want, we can take you to another movie theater, then you can come home with us. We’ve got steaks in the fridge just waiting to be eaten by us,” said the man.
“Thanks a lot! But my best friend in the whole world is in the hospital. I’m presently here with my second best friend in the whole world.”
The young couple realized that I was already taken. They smiled at me, then said goodbye. I did likewise.
Sandra was descending the escalator while the young couple was leaving me. She hurried her pace then approached me directly.
“Jody, what did those two humans want from you? Did they try to harm you? Did they try to entice you with a lie that was too good to be true?”
I didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing, so I told Sandra that they were asking me for directions to Alexis Nihon Plaza.
Thankfully, Sandra believed me. So we were off to the movies.
A short while later, Cynthia and I were sitting down in the movie theater eating popcorn, drinking pop, and enjoying a nice horror flick. I wasn’t scared, really!
Cynthia and I ended up seeing two movies, back to back. It was very refreshing to be with a good friend. However, it was time for me to go home. I had to call Cynthia then visit her.
I explained to Sandra what I had to do. She and I promptly left the Pepsi Forum immediately after the second movie ended.
We walked back home on Maisonneuve Boulevard. Unfortunately, this time someone did mock Sandra.
As were crossing Greene Avenue a group of youngsters in a van yelled out an obscenity and a personal insult to Sandra.
“Hey fatso, can’t you get a better date than that little kitty? C’mon baby, I don’t care how obese you are, I’ll do you here and now!” yelled a passenger.
Sandra and I decided not to make matters worse. The best thing to do in this kind of situation is to allow the driver to keep going. Afterward, you should forget that it ever happened.
Unfortunately, Sandra was a bit sensitive to her weight issues. She stopped walking as soon as the van was out of sight. Then she broke down and cried.
“Jody, I’m nothing but a fat, ugly-duckling. Even the real ugly duckling of old wasn’t fat.
Jody, please give me a big hug, kisses, and the three golden words.”
I gave her what she requested and an extra licking of her hand. Later, I did my best to raise her spirits. In all of the commotion, I forgot about Cynthia. My immediate problem at hand was serious indeed.
For the first time, I sensed that Sandra was contemplating harming herself. Maybe she was like Cynthia? No, maybe she was a self-cutter? I had to dig into Sandra’s psyche to find out.
Mind you, I wasn’t trying to be a suspicious cat. My friend was in dire straits.
As soon as we entered Sandra’s apartment she fell to the beautiful brown carpet then began a series of major crying spells. I was afraid for her, really.
“Sandra, please don’t overreact to what those idiots in that van shouted out. They don’t know anything about you. You are a very remarkable, beautiful, and intelligent woman. Not to mention, very friendly.”
“Jody, I noticed that you didn’t tell me that I was skinny. Or that I wasn’t obese. Deep down inside, you think that I’m an ugly fatso!”
“Honey, I think that you are very beautiful! Who the hell ever said that chunky wasn’t beautiful? Or that fat wasn’t beautiful? Perhaps it was a person who looked like a skeleton.”
It took me thirty full minutes to calm Sandra down to an acceptable level. I convinced her to sit on her lazy boy chair. I leaped onto her chest then rubbed the side of my head against her chin, on-and-off.
Suddenly, Sandra closed her eyes then fell asleep. I did likewise. Thankfully, we slept like babies.
Upon awakening, Sandra asked me to follow her into her bedroom. I did as she asked.
What followed was a similar repeat of what I saw with Cynthia. Somehow, I suspected that this problem was a lot more serious than people suspect.
“Jody, please be patient with me. I must undress in front of you. I want you to see my gargantuan bulges, especially my elephant thighs, large buttocks, watermelon drooping breasts, double chin, chubby stomach, and love handles.”
I instinctively covered my eyes with my paws. I couldn’t deal with the situation at hand. It was difficult enough to deal with Cynthia’s problems; not to mention my own problems.
“Jody, you think I’m a monster! You’re covering both of your eyes! You don’t want to freak out in front of me! You know how fat I am!”
“Honey, no! I just don’t think that it’s appropriate for you to disrobe in front of a cat; me. As I told you, I think that you are very beautiful.”
“Jody, you keep forgetting the three golden words. You only remember when I remind you.”
“Sandra, you win! I’ll critique your body as objectively as possible.”
Sandra twirled around in circles a total of fifteen times; like a carrousel. I think that deep down inside she wanted to be a ballerina.
“Jody, don’t you see how fat I am?”
“Forget your build! Sandra, I’m very disappointed with you. Furthermore, I’m very angry and worried about you. You have faded abrasions on your upper arms, chest, stomach, and chest. Thankfully, they’ll heal without scarring. But I’m very worried about the root cause.
Sandra, I want you to answer my question with complete honesty! If you lie, I’m out of here; forever!
“Are you a self-cutter? Either yes, or no and absolutely no in-between answers!”
“Jody, I feel like I must cut myself. Although I hate to do it, part of me likes it. In fact, I’m kind of addicted to it. I can’t stop! Please help me before I hurt myself really badly!”
I managed to calm Sandra down. It took a lot of energy out of me. Sandra promised me that she’d take therapy beginning the following week and that she’d stop cutting herself.
As soon as I was convinced that Sandra was safe from ‘herself’, I told her that I was going home.
Upon hearing that, she totally freaked out; to the point where I had to sleep over.
“Jody, don’t think I’m a bit harsh or rough but who do you love more, me or Cynthia?”
Sandra, you know very well that I love you so dearly. However, Cynthia is number one in this whole world for me. Don’t worry too much you’re number three for me.”
“What! I’m number three! You’re breaking my heart! Jody, please find me a good husband.
You know something I do have the ten thousand dollars that is necessary for the purchase of the fleshy android. I’m just too shy to go to the secret place and get ‘my husband’.
“Jody, please, let’s set a date where you and I can go there together. Is that all right with you?”
“Yes, I’d love to go there with you. In fact, I’ll go there with Cynthia as soon as she fully recovers from her illness.”
Sandra and I decided that the following evening was a good time for our secret rendezvous, to the secret place.
I took a short nap then headed home. All along the way I was thinking of my beloved Cynthia. How was she going to feel about me not visiting her the day before?
Upon entering our apartment I headed straight for my cell phone. I picked it up then called the Montreal General Hospital to inquire about Cynthia’s condition.
The operator transferred my call to Cynthia’s hospital room. Apparently, Cynthia had been moved to another floor.
I allowed the phone to ring a total of seven times before I hung up.
I ate a quick snack then headed for the Montreal General Hospital. The whole way there, I didn’t want to speak to any stranger/s. If anyone had said one word to me, I would’ve kicked that person’s you know what. Thankfully, it wasn’t necessary.
I entered the Montreal General Hospital’s front entrance then proceeded to walk down the hallway to the elevators.
It only took about two minutes for me to arrive at Cynthia’s hospital room.
As soon as I entered Cynthia’s room I noticed that she was reading a magazine. So I crept up on her.
As soon as she took notice of me she extended her arms. Also, I noticed that she had tears in her eyes.
I leaped onto Cynthia’s chest then kissed her several times.
She returned every single kiss that I launched at her. We were back together, hopefully forever!
“Jody, take a seat, please. I’m sorry for not answering your calls yesterday and for not being in my room. There were more tests to be taken.
Anyhow, I’ll be checking out of this hospital on Thursday. There’s no need to call or visit me on Wednesday. I’ll be sleeping like a baby on Wednesday.”
That was excellent news for me! I was wondering how I was going to weasel out of that predicament.
The following Wednesday I called Sandra to re-affirm our rendezvous. Thankfully, it was still on.
“Hello, this is your beloved friend Jody!”
“Hi Jody, please come over! I’ve been thinking about you continuously!”
“I’ll be at your apartment at 7:00 P.M., sharp. I have to wash up and eat a nice meal and have some liquids. I don’t want to be hungry or thirsty on our trip to the secret place.
Luckily, Cynthia’s zonked out in her hospital bed. But, she’s scheduled to check out tomorrow. So, it is urgent that we complete our task tonight.”
“Of course, honey! I’ll be waiting for you!”
Somehow, I felt that Sandra was a bit too obsessive with me. A short while later I brushed it off.
I washed up then ate a fish and fries meal, served with salad, dessert, milk, and pop.
After eating I cleaned up then headed to Sandra’s apartment. All the while I was very anxious about our mission. The thought of failure kept ringing in my ears.
As soon as I got to Cote des Neiges Avenue I picked up my pace. Thankfully, my tenacity paid off. Within a short while, I was knocking on Sandra’s door.
It took a total of fourteen knocks for Sandra to open the door.
As soon as she let me in I noticed that there were partially digested food items on her lips and on the floor beside the kitchen.
It was apparent that something was going on. What was it? In reality I didn’t want to know.
“Hi Jody, how are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you?”
“Baby, come on in!”
I entered Sandra’s apartment then waited patiently for her to give us the signal to leave.
Shortly afterwards, we left Sandra’s apartment and headed for the secret place.
“Jody thanks a lot for being here with me! You’re the best kind of companion in the whole world!”
“Thanks, I needed that!”
Sandra and I descended through Sherbrooke Street then continued on southeastwardly until we were near Lionel Groulx Metro Station. From there it was only a ten minute walk to the secret place.
Sandra and I kept our eyes open for the police or RCMP. Maybe we were a bit paranoid, but under the circumstances we had to be careful. The production and sale of fleshy androids was illegal in any city or province of Canada.
This was truly an underground operation. Not to mention, the humiliation for Sandra if she was caught. I can’t tell you what the punishment for me would have been; a cat aiding and abetting in the purchase of an illegal object. Legally, the fleshy android would be considered an object.
Furthermore, I don’t think that the Canadian authorities would ever want the mass sales of fleshy androids within its borders. Men and women would stop getting married. Opting for a fleshy android that gave them whatever they wanted and was much friendlier and agreeable than a real life human being.
A short while later, Sandra and I were within a few feet of the secret place. After waiting for an elderly couple with their dog to pass through the area we walked to the front door of the ‘establishment’ then pressed the ringer.
We were asked why we were there. Sandra gave them the code word then we were allowed in.
We entered the establishment then waited in the lobby. A short while later a middle-aged man approached us. He was wearing a beautiful smile on his face. Also, he appeared to be very learned.
“Hello girls! I’m Dr. Osman Hirsi. I am the man in charge of this secret operation.
Please follow me downstairs to the secret chamber. This is where you will find your fleshy android.”
With a name like Osman Hirsi it was definite that he was born in Somalia. This is perhaps the most ‘Somali’ name anyone could ever have.
We walked down a long corridor with rooms on each side. Perhaps there were twenty five rooms in all. I think that these were production and experimentation rooms. Anyhow, that’s not important now.
When we arrived at a large steel door Dr. Hirsi asked us to turn around so he could punch in the security code. We did as he asked.
After Dr. Hirsi punched the security code we entered a large room with two nude fleshy androids. Apparently, they were turned off.
Both fleshy androids were well build, tall, and very handsome. Sandra had a hard time taking her eyes off them. Judging from where her eyes were gazed I was certain that we wouldn’t leave the establishment without at least on fleshy android.
“Girls, we have two kinds of fleshy androids:
MODEL 555-A will never say ‘no’ to his owner. He will be a ‘yes’ husband for any request; physical or mental.
MODEL 555-B will be a generally agreeable husband, but will sometimes need persuading.
“Girls, take your time with your answer. I shall leave this room then return in thirty minutes. Please help yourselves to some of those tasty snacks and drinks on the table
They are complementary.”
Sandra and I waited until Dr. Hirsi left the large room before gorging on the snacks, which consisted of donuts, cookies, crackers, milk, juice, flavored nuts, anchovies, cheese bits, little sandwich squares, punch (no alcohol), caffeinated pop, hot apple cider, tea, and coffee with plenty of cream and sugar.
Gosh what we ate and drank was considered a meal! We just couldn’t help ourselves!
Thankfully, Dr. Hirsi was delayed for an hour. By that time we had already had our fill and Sandra had sternly chosen MODEL 555-A, over my strenuous objections.
“Girls, as I know, you are Sandra Spalding, and you are Jody Wilson.
I need to see an I.D. from you and in your case the name on your collar. Afterwards, we can discuss the purchase.”
We did as Dr. Hirsi had asked of us then waited patiently for him to ‘generate’ Sandra’s new husband.
“Sandra, I have generated your new husband! His name is Robert Fleming. As you insisted, he is of western European stock.
Now as for the purchase, it will be ten thousand Canadian Dollars. You are lucky, because in a few months we will increase the price to fifteen thousand dollars and freeze it there for several years, at least.”
Sandra handed Dr. Hirsi a money order for ten thousand dollars. Although it’s a lot of money, a good husband or wife is worth immeasurably more.
“Girls, say hi to Robert!”
“Hi Robert, how are you?”
We left the secret place in good spirits. Sandra and I had a big smile on her face the whole way back.
You see, fleshy androids are very strong. Robert carried Sandra back the entire way back. Unfortunately, we got several snarls, all from women. I guess they couldn’t handle seeing another woman treated in such a sweet way. It was a case of envy and jealousy.
As soon as we entered Sandra’s apartment she politely asked me to stay out of her bedroom until she and Robert were done with their naked wrestling match.
I understood what she meant. So I got myself some pop, turned on the giant screen television, and then took a front row seat.
While I was watching an interesting show on the Animal Planet unusual sounds and groans emanated from Sandra’s bedroom. I ignored it to the best of my ability.
Sandra and ‘her husband’ began their wrestling match at 10:00 P.M. By 3:00 A.M. I started to worry about Sandra. She was still going at it after five full hours, and didn’t sound like she wanted to ever stop.
I changed my viewing to the History Channel in order to watch a show about the Roman Empire. While I was deeply engulfed into the show, Sandra finally exited her bedroom all sweaty, panting, and exhausted. It was now 5:00 A.M. I didn’t know that humans could go at it for seven straight hours, non-stop. So I inquired about this with Sandra.
“Sandra, are you all right? Is it normal for humans to go at it for seven straight hours, non-stop?”
“Jody, I’m not a super-wench! Please don’t tell anyone about my escapade. After all, Robert is my beloved husband. Whatever we do behind closed doors is our own private affair.
Yes, Jody, it’s normal behavior, but please be quiet about this. Once again, I’m not a wench! I’m a highly energetic, young, and intelligent woman. Besides, this is the beginning of our honeymoon.”
That was my hint to creep away from Sandra’s apartment, and go home.
I said goodbye to Sandra and Robert, then exited the apartment perplexed and confused about human behavior. What I’d heard from the animal grapevine contradicted what Sandra and Robert were able to do.
PLEASE HELP ME!

By animal standards, humans are weak. The males amongst them have a long refractory period. My kind doesn’t.
Anyhow, as soon as I got home I crashed out on the sofa for several hours. When I awakened it was time to pick Cynthia up from the hospital.
I quickly ate a quick meal, washed up then gave Cynthia a call, alerting her to my arrival.
I told Cynthia that I’d be at the Montreal General Hospital main entrance.
As soon as I exited our apartment building the manager, an elderly man named Roger Cormack called out to me. He’d been living in the building for five years.
“Hey, Jody, how’s your best friend Cynthia Corbett? I heard that she was recovering in a hospital bed.|
Roger, I’m going to the hospital to pick her up. Thankfully, she’s made a full recovery!”
“You gals are the best tenants in this entire building! No complaints! No loud music! No partying! I can’t think of anything bad about either you or Cynthia.”
I told Roger that I was in a hurry. I had to pick Cynthia up from the hospital.
My walk to the Montreal General Hospital was strenuous at the least. The entire time, I was thinking about my beloved friend Cynthia. Also, I was apprehensive and anxious about her finding out that I was having a splendid time with Sandra.
As I approached the perimeter of the hospital my heart beat doubled and my blood pressure shot up through the clouds. If I’d been an elderly cat I probably would’ve passed out.
I entered the main entrance of the Montreal General Hospital, through the parting doors. Instantly, as I took my first step inside, the typical ‘hospital scent’ shot up through my nose.
The hospital scent is terrifying to some people and animals. It reminds them of inoculations, sickness, and pain.
I saw an elderly man with an IV attached to his arm was sitting in a wheelchair. I wanted to know what this guy did when he was young. When you see a person in his/her eighties and all shriveled up, it’s sad. The person looks sickly, helpless, and without an occupation. That’s dead wrong! This person probably spent many years working, and most likely has children and grandchildren.
“Sir, do you have a moment, please?”
“Kitty, I have a million moments! I’ve been in this hospital for a week now. I’m waiting for my ride back to the special center. It’s for seniors who need special assistance.
Now, I will return there to slowly die. I see the young humans and animals like you enjoying life; especially on a nice spring day. They don’t quite understand the rules of nature/life. If you live long enough, you’ll be old someday.
When I was a kid I never thought that I’d ever get old. Seniors disgusted me. They were all shriveled up, smelled different, and were weak and defenseless. That’s what I thought. Actually, seniors in some parts of the world receive much respect and honor. We, in North America have all but lost this beautiful thing.
My four children, three sons and one daughter are scattered throughout the world. They go many weeks, sometimes a month or two without calling their ‘daddy’ up.
Kitty, enjoy your youth while it lasts! Once when it goes, it never returns. It’s a one way ticket to old age.
The medical personnel, in whatever clinic or hospital can sometimes be unsympathetic and tired of the extra care needed for seniors. In the worst case scenarios, some seniors in “homes” may be severely neglected or even abused. Their fecal matter and urine may be residing in their underwear.
Kitty, I was an electrical engineer for forty years. I was a vice president of a company! Now, nobody remembers me. Even my younger associates and co-workers have forgotten me. Never mind all of the good things that I did for them.
Kitty, I’m one of the luckier ones. At least I have money. If I was poor, things would’ve been a lot worse for me.
Kitty, I’m very sorry, but lethargy is hitting me very hard. I’m on multiple medications, in pain, and have periods of psychotic episodes.”
“Sir, I wish you the best of luck! I will leave you to rest. Please wish my beloved friend Cynthia the best of luck.”
I left the elderly man slouched over and beginning to lose his awareness of matters around him.
I asked a passerby to press the up button. There were now two other individuals waiting for the elevator. For some reason, they didn’t find it in them to press the up button.
As soon as the elevator door opened I rushed inside then ‘pounced’ on the number five button.
A short while later I was on Cynthia’s floor. Luckily, she was all ready to go. I found her standing a few feet away from the elevators.
“Jody, come over here and leap into my arms! I want to give you a giant kiss on the face!”
I leaped onto Cynthia’s arms then allowed her to kiss me on the face. I in turn, kissed her on both cheeks (Sicilian style).
Cynthia and I went downstairs then promptly left the hospital premises. It was a nice day, clear skies, and good for a long walk.
Although Cynthia was a bit groggy and weak from her hospital stay, she needed to a long walk. After all, she’d been cooped up in a hospital be for two weeks.
We decided to walk on the mountain side of Westmount. It was nice. As soon as we entered the residential areas it was calmer, more beautiful, and the people were friendly.
As we were walking through the area Cynthia told me something that I’d already suspected.
“Jody, I’m a millionaire! I can live anywhere in Canada that I want. Where do you want us to live?”
Cynthia I’d like to live in Vancouver, western Ontario, or an Anglophone neighborhood in Montreal. But I can’t live here forever! Although I love it here I’m still a Missouri-bred cat. I need English only!”
“Jody, let’s stay in Westmount for now, and later we can carve out a game plan about moving. But for now, I think you’re content, right?”
“Yes, I’m content.”
Cynthia and I walked around for another hour before deciding to head home.
As soon as we entered our apartment Cynthia ran into her bedroom then fell to her knees. A few seconds later, she began to cry.
I ran in after her, in order to comfort her. I was shocked at her behavior. Surely, it wasn’t me who caused her to cry.
“Jody, who were you with on that day that you mysteriously didn’t call me? Was it that Lydia wench? Or was it that Sandra wench? Damn it, I demand to know!”
“Cynthia, I wasn’t with anyone! I was thinking about you the whole time, really!”
“Are you sure you didn’t sleep with that little wench Sandra? You didn’t spend the night with her? You didn’t go to the movie theatre with her? You didn’t eat a nice meal with her?”
“Cynthia, I wouldn’t do that to you. You and I are best friends in the whole world.”
“Jody, I’m still hurting so badly! I need two things from this world; an incredible husband and I want you to tell me that you love me.”
“Cynthia, I love you! Let me prove it by helping you find the perfect husband. Remember the fleshy android?
Cynthia, why don’t we go to the next stage; purchase a fleshy android!”
Your frustrations will disappear overnight. Also, he’ll be very kind, considerate, loving, and generous to you. Furthermore, I don’t think that fleshy androids can lie. So, honesty is a bonus.”
I finally convinced Cynthia that I was her best friend in the whole, and that she could trust me with her life.
“Jody, let’s go to bed for a few hours. I need the rest. The drugs are still in my system.”
Cynthia and I slept for what seemed like an entire year. She and I went through a dozen or so dream stages each.
I was awakened by Cynthia’s talking in her sleep. I didn’t wake her up because I wanted to hear what she had to say. Mind you, I’m not a snoopy little kitty. I just wanted to know if she’d fully recovered from her gang-rape and what she felt about me.
“Jody, I love you so dearly! Why do you break my heart on a regular basis? You didn’t come by to visit me as often as I wanted you to. You called me up daily, but most of the time you left a message with the nurse on duty, who I barely even knew. I know that you had a blast with either Lydia or Sandra. Hopefully, it wasn’t that Sandra wench.
Jody, why don’t you tell me that you love me more often? Why don’t you comfort me more often? Why don’t you help me find a good husband?
Jody, I’m a young, attractive, and highly intelligent woman. Why don’t you tell me that I’m the most beautiful woman in the entire world, on a regular basis?
Jody, I’m in much pain, anxiety, and highly depressed. Why don’t you stop me more often whenever I stick my finger down my throat in the restroom?”
A short while later Cynthia awakened from her sleep. She was red-eyed and appeared to be in a daze. Also, she appeared to be depressed.
“Cynthia, I love you more than anyone else in the whole world! I’m lucky to be roommates with the most beautiful, intelligent, and ambitious woman in the whole world.
Cynthia, I’d never betray you; especially when you were sick. Cynthia, I care about your physical and mental health.
Cynthia, please allow me to help you find a very good husband. That way, we can be the all-Canadian family.
Cynthia, if you’re ever bummed out, even in the restroom call out to me. I’ll do my best to help you.”
My statements helped to lift Cynthia’s spirits. She had a big smile on her face and shot out of bed like a rocket.
“Jody, let’s have a nice big breakfast at a good restaurant. I think that we’ll have a good time!”
I agreed with Cynthia. But first, we had to wash up and get ready.
I went to living room and turned on the wide screen television. Thankfully, there were cartoons showing. I love cartoons that include animal characters.
Roughly ten minutes into my viewing, I noticed that Cynthia wasn’t making a racket or saying anything. She was too quiet.
In that regard, I crept back to our bedroom then went to the restroom. It was there that I got a shocker.
As I approached the restroom, I noticed that Cynthia was making unusual grunting noises. I didn’t want to believe it! But it was true! Cynthia was inducing a series of dry-heaving and vomiting spells; for the umpteenth time.
I banged on the restroom door then threatened to break it down if Cynthia didn’t open up.
“Cynthia, you better open up this door, right now! Or else I’ll break in down!”
“Jody, you’re persecuting me! I’m supposed to be your best friend in the whole world!”
I gave Cynthia one last warning before she capitulated. I had to stop her before things got out of hand; to the point of having to call 911.
As soon as Cynthia exited the restroom, I noticed an expression of defeat and pain on her face. I understood that drastic action had to be taken, immediately!
“Cynthia, we’ll have to make plans to go to the secret place very soon. Please do not procrastinate on this issue. Mr. Right must be sought after and attained, at all costs! The hell with the ten thousand dollars! I want you to get better!
SHARON PEABODY

“Cynthia, as for today, let’s eat a quick meal, then go to the Public Library near Berri Metro Station. We need to spend at least several hours reading. Our minds must be diverted away from the problem at hand.”

Cynthia wholeheartedly agreed with me about eating and going to the library.
After eating a full-course meal consisting of two fried eggs, French toast (must syrup and margarine), milk, juice, muffins, and coffee, we prepared to go to the library.
Cynthia and I washed up then left our apartment in better spirits. Everything seemed brighter and more beautiful. Luckily, we’d return in even better spirits.
As we exited our the apartment building Cynthia hoisted me up off of the ground then gave me a big kiss on the cheek. I liked it so did Cynthia.
We walked to Sherbrooke Street then waited patiently for the number 24 bus. This bus goes direct to a stop near the library.
Five minutes later, the bus arrived. Cynthia carried me inside then placed her monthly card on the scanner. When the scanner lit up and beeped Cynthia walked to an isolated window seat in the middle of the bus.
Meanwhile, I was curled up on her chest. It was a nice view from my vantage point.
By the time we arrived at out stop I felt groggy. All of that driving, bumps, and sound of the bus engine was like a powerful tranquilizer.
“Thank you so much, sir!” exclaimed Cynthia.
“Yes, thank you very much and have an incredible day!” I exclaimed.
“Girls, enjoy your selves and always be careful!” exclaimed the bus driver.
Cynthia and I walked downhill for several minutes until we arrived at the back door of the library building.
As soon as we entered the building we noticed a shady character standing all alone on our left.
Cynthia and I ignored the shady character. The security guards were already on their way, and we didn’t have any time to waste.
Cynthia and I picked up our pace until we were a few feet from the security arch. Standing guard were two library security guards. Instantly, Cynthia’s paranoia set in; not mine!
“Jody, let’s stand in the corner for a few minutes. I think those two security guards are eyeing us because we’re Anglophones! We probably stand out like pink cats.
Jody, I’m not being paranoid! And, I’m certainly not sick! Please reassure me of this important fact!”
“Cynthia, you’re not sick. You’re absolutely right! Let’s stay together, keep our heads down, and be careful about who we talk to. Let’s enter the library, right now!”
“Jody, please leap onto my chest so I can hold you tightly in my arms. I need your reassurance, comfort, and added protection.”
I did as Cynthia asked and then I gave her a big kiss on the chin. Thankfully, my actions made her feel better.
Cynthia and I went downstairs to the youth section. We figured it would be calmer and safer for us.
As soon as we got downstairs we decided to sit in the back near the English language books. Although the library workers were very friendly and helpful, we were still traumatized; about what, I still don’t know!
“Jody, wait here! I’m going to get a book about animals. We can read it together for a couple of hours. It’s nice to read some educational material. That way, we’ll reassure ourselves that we’re not wasting time.
Jody, please launch the three golden words at me! Please do it before I have a nervous breakdown and cry my brains out in front of all of these strangers; so they can call 911, bound and shackle me; and take me in an ambulance to a special clinic. Afterwards, I’ll be darted like a lioness on the African plains. Finally, they’ll put me in a straight jacket. You won’t be able to visit me until I’m a zombie!”
“Cynthia, I love you!”
“Jody, I love you too!”
Later, we read the animal book for an hour before we notice a young, incredibly attractive woman who sat near us. The rest of the area was empty.
“Jody, that young woman doesn’t like us! See, she keeps glancing over her shoulder ‘like this’. That means she’s ready to attack us; probably me because I’m one of her own kind.
Jody, I know what I’m talking about! I once read one of Jane Goodall’s books. I know a thing or two about chimpanzees!”
Cynthia and I braced ourselves for an imminent attack. We glanced at each other before deciding to form a game plan.
“Jody, I think that she hates us because we’re Anglophones! Look, when she gets really close to us, I’ll punch her in the stomach as hard and as many times as possible. You, on the other hand, should pounce on that little wench, like you’re a cougar!”
“Cynthia, let’s give each other one last hug! It may be our last!”
We hugged then braced ourselves. The young woman eyed us again then got up. Worse yet, she approached us!
“Jody, perch on my right shoulder! From there, you can launch your incredible attack!”
The young woman got to within two feet of us. As we were about to launch our attack, she smiled at us, then spoke. Boy, oh boy, did we get the shock of our lives!
“Girls, I couldn’t help but notice you. Gosh, do you look like a good pair! You must love each other so dearly!
My name is Sharon Peabody. I’m from Vancouver, and I couldn’t help but notice that you’re ‘like me’.”
“I was just telling Jody how nice of a person you seem to be. We wanted to approach you and begin a conversation, but we weren’t sure about how you’d respond,” said Cynthia.
“Gosh you girls are incredible! Please, allow me to invite you to a nice meal in a decent restaurant. Or, we could go to the mall.”
“Why don’t we go to another mall? Like somewhere a little farther than the downtown area? We can go to Rockland Plaza in Mount Royal. Do you agree with me?” I asked.
“Yes, my beloved cat! Let’s go wherever you want to go. Don’t forget, the entire meal is on me!”
Cynthia didn’t like Sharon to get too cozy with me. After all, I’m Cynthia’s kitty, and nobody else’s. I mean, that’s what Cynthia thought.
We left the library then headed down to the Metro Station. We took the Montmorency train to Cremazie Metro Station. Afterwards, we took the number 100 bus to Rockland Plaza. Actually, we had to cross a busy intersection, the walk up a low-level bridge. It was well worth it.
As soon as we entered the mall, a rush of relief hit us with full force. It feels nice hitting the malls; especially when you’re with good friends.
We walked around the interior of the mall before entering Le Bay’s Department Store.
We browsed around for roughly twenty minutes before leaving. Afterwards, we hopped from one store to another.
When our hunger set in, we went to the food court. Our walk there was saliva-filled. We were now beginning to feel a real crunch in our stomachs.
After walking the perimeter of the food court we went to Pharmaprix then purchased some high caffeine pop. This pop would be an ‘addendum’ to the pop that we got with our food order. It was a good deal.
After exiting Pharmaprix we went to the Thai Express food stand and ordered three vegetarian number 5 plates, and three extra large pops.
After Sharon paid for the food, we waited for our food to be given to us.
“Jody, Cynthia, please go sit over there. I’ll carry your trays. I have very good balance and incredible hand-eye coordination.
We sat down then waited patiently for our food. As soon as Sharon placed our food trays on the table, we ate like lionesses. It wasn’t a matter of bad table manners. We were all doing it.
“Sharon thanks a lot for this beautiful meal! Unfortunately, there’s one item that’s missing.” I said.
“My dear Lord; I know what it is! I’m terribly sorry! Please wait a minute so I can get us some good desserts.
Sharon quickly got up then walked over to Café’ Depot and ordered six blueberry muffins.
Cynthia saw me smiling at Sharon. Cynthia didn’t like it one bit!
“Jody, do you love me more than anyone else in the whole world, especially and including Sharon?”
“Of course my dear love. As far as I’m concerned you are my best friend, regardless.”
“Jody, although I’m flabbergasted at Sharon’s generosity, it still doesn’t remove the fact that she has a cunning underside. That little wench is trying to steal you away from me!”
I let it go. It appeared as though Cynthia was losing her marbles. I’d have to wait until we got home to fix the problem.
Sharon returned to our table, sat down then continued eating her delicious meal.
“What a wonderful day! What a wonderful meal! I love you two girls, incredibly! Too bad I’m returning to Vancouver in a few days.
I recently graduated from the University of British Columbia, with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Biology. I received high distinctions.”
I glanced over at Cynthia while Sharon was talking. I sensed a touch of envy and hatred in Cynthia’s eyes.
We finished our meal then walked the interior of Rockland Plaza. We needed to digest our food quickly before going home. Cynthia and I were tired. We needed to sleep.
We took the number 100 bus to Cremazie Metro Station. A short while later we were back in Westmount. Sharon lived roughly six blocks from our apartment complex. So, we said our goodbyes and exchanged phone numbers, emails, and home address.
While Cynthia and I were walking home she fell down onto her knees then cried her brains out. It was imminent that I comfort her immediately. Nearby, a dozen men and women who were waiting for a bus took notice of Cynthia’s ‘escapade’.
Cynthia needed a fleshy android in her life. He’d be Mr. Right for her. Then she’d have no problems or frustrations whatsoever.
“Jody, you don’t love me more than anyone else in this whole world! You want to be with that little wench, Sharon! I don’t like her! How could you do this to me?”
“Cynthia, I love you! Please believe me! I don’t want to hurt you! Really, I just want the best for you!”
“Tell me the truth! Regarding Sandra, while I was in the hospital, did you go out with her and have a good time? Also, did you spend the night with her, laughing and conversing while I was wasting away in a hospital bed?”
No, Cynthia I was never with Sandra!”
For the next minute or so, we went at it back and forth. Luckily, Cynthia caved in. She got up then walked home with me.
Lucky for us, as soon as we were out of sight a patrol car arrived at the scene. The police couldn’t see us from their vantage point, but we could see them.
An elderly man approached the police officers then pointed his finger in our direction. Cynthia and I sprinted back home.
Within a few minutes we were safe and sound in our home. But all was not so sweet and perfect. I had to convince Cynthia to go to the secret place with me. Of course, she had to have her ten thousand dollars on her person; cash only. It’s worth every penny if you’re buying a Mr. Right replica.
Cynthia and I spent several hours chatting with each other. We felt comfortable resting on sofa chairs in the living room. With low volume television in the background we enjoyed ourselves dearly.
We awakened the next morning at 9:30 A.M. It was nice and sunny outside. So we decided to eat breakfast then chat about what to do regarding Mr. Right.
“Jody, we just had a wonderful breakfast! Gosh do I love you so much!”
“Cynthia, you’re a very beautiful, young, ambitious, and incredibly intelligent woman.”
“Jody, I’m suffering! Although I’m thankful to be with you and to have eaten an incredible breakfast, I need a man in my life. Every time I spot someone I think is worthy of being my husband, his wench wife pops up out of nowhere.”
“Cynthia, I do believe that it’s time to go to the secret place. We need a game plan, soon.”
“Jody, I want a very handsome, successful, articulate, loving, caring, rich, wealthy, successful, trustworthy, honest, attentive, intelligent, energetic, lustful (whenever I want him to, and only with me), clean, courageous, brave, sympathetic, healthy (physically and emotionally), strong, powerful, athletic, non-argumentative, non-violent, athletic, observant, obedient, and agreeable husband!”
articulate, monogamous, THIS IS MY HUSBAND

“Cynthia, you need a fleshy android! You won’t find a man anywhere on this planet who lives up to your expectations!”
“Jody, what do you mean ‘lives up to your expectations’? You’re making me out to be a snobby wench! I’m not a wench!” shouted Cynthia.
Cynthia broke down in tears. She began to biter herself in the forearms. That’s when I notice new, but fading slashes near her wrists. Thankfully, she didn’t hit a nerve or an artery.
“Cynthia, you’re self-cutting again!”
“Jody, no I’m not! I’m not doing that! Why are you persecuting me? Jody, you’re abusing me!” shouted Cynthia.
“Cynthia, Monday morning, we go to the Royal Bank of Canada and make a ten thousand dollar withdrawal in order to purchase you future husband.”
That was the end of the argument. I stomped my right paw on the carpet, indicating that I wouldn’t budge with my views. We had to go to the secret place, soon, and that was final!
On the following Monday Cynthia and I went to the Royal Bank of Canada to make the withdrawal.
After we returned from the bank Cynthia and I ate lunch, which consisted of spaghetti, garlic bread, pop, salad, and vanilla cake.
After eating and cleaning up we took a long walk in order to rehearse our actions for the evening.
Come evening Cynthia and I prepared for our walk to the secret place; which was several blocks south of McKay Street; a very dark place at night where you can see a raccoon rummaging through garbage.
“Jody, are you ready to go?”
“Yes, Cynthia, I’m ready. Let’s leave right now!”
“Jody, I’m very tensed up and anxious. Please give me those three golden words.”
“Cynthia, I love you!”
The three golden words helped to boost Cynthia’s energy and enthusiasm.
We left our apartment at 7:30 P.M., heading straight to the secret place; temporarily that is.
Upon leaving our apartment building a pigeon dove from a tree and landed directly in front of us. It’s quite unusual to see a flying pigeon at night. So, we decided to investigate.
“Honey, why did you block our path? And why are you flying at night? Pigeons in these parts don’t do that!”
Jody, I know. But I had to wish you girls the best of luck! Word is, neither of you can find a male to be with.
You two are the talk of the town. Countless animals are wishing you gals the best of luck. You’re Jody, and you’re poor Cynthia. Cheer up, you’ll find Mr. Right.
Excuse me for crying. I can’t help it!
You gals are almost always together? Don’t you have friends? I mean, from your own kind?”
“I’ve been around humans far too long! I’ve already been ‘imprinted’ to be with humans. I don’t like to live on the streets. Humans provide us with good homes.”
We left the pigeon in awe and confusion. Although he seemed like a really nice birdie, we had important business at hand. Jeepers I just remembered something; if that pigeon had discovered what we were planning on doing, it would’ve been curtains for Cynthia. Thankfully, we were able to continue our walk without evoking any suspicion.
“Jody, let’s go straight to the secret place. I’m feeling a bit tense.”
“Cynthia, that’s not all you’re feeling. Remember, I’m a cat! I know when a young woman needs a man really badly. I can smell your ‘need’ from a mile away. Furthermore, there are visual cues that indicate to me how powerful your feelings are.
Cynthia, we better increase our pace a bit.”
“Jody, sometimes you can really be a witch! I mean it! Please don’t try to humiliate me! Remember, we’re supposed to be best friends in the whole world. Even in death we shall not part.
After our brief skirmish ended, we continued our walk sadfaced and anxious.
As soon as we were within a block of the secret place, Cynthia and I sat down for a short while. Both of us were very nervous and anxious.
The fleshy android would keep Cynthia happy and preoccupied. Maybe, that’ll eradicate much of her pain and anxiety.
After ten short minutes of sitting we decided to continue our trek.
As soon as Cynthia and I were within inches of the front door, she knocked four times then took a giant step backwards. She asked me to do the same thing.
A handsome man in his late 30s answered the door. He looked like a professional; non-threatening, well-off, and highly decorated.
“Hello girls! I know who you are! You’re Cynthia Corbett, and your best friend is Jody Wilson.
Please come in! Just wait for a few minutes while I change into something more comfortable. This doctor’s gown can be uncomfortable.
I am Dr. Osman Hirsi. I was born in Mogadishu, Somalia in the year 1970. I am very thankful to be in Canada. It is a beautiful place to live in.
I’ve been in Canada for twenty five years. Most of the people are nice, but as with all other countries of the world, there are exceptions.
Cynthia, Jody, when you look at me what do you really see?”
“We see a handsome, highly educated man who’s also very nice and sweet.
I trust that you’ll give my best friend Cynthia the best options in choosing the best fleshy android husband.”
“Occasionally, a patient will ask me where my spear is. Gosh if I had ‘a spear’ I’d impale every single squirt that asks me that stupid question!
I have a private practice near Greene Avenue. I can’t tell you how many times I was having a beautiful day when all of a sudden, a patient asks me that question. To add insult to injury, the patient is usually smiling when the question is asked. As if it’s supposed to be funny!
Girls, I’ve had it with this spear thing! But that’s not all! Whenever I enter a hospital, at least one person asks me if I’m the ‘janitor’ on duty.
In one hospital, it happened three consecutive times. That’s not all! I was wearing a suit and nice slacks at the time. What the hell do I have to be wearing to look like a respectable member of our community?”
“Dr. Hirsi, please don’t cry! It’ll be all right! I promise you! Just be patient and faithful!” said Cynthia.
“I’m not crying! I have allergies! Don’t you know that physicians are forbidden to cry? Have you ever seen an M.D. cry? Or even shed a tear for a poor soul who’d just died? Now way! It’s impossible to ever see!”
After conversing with Dr. Hirsi for fifteen minutes, we were finally able to calm him down to the point of stopping his crying and hyperventilating.
“Please follow me into the secret chamber. Don’t be afraid. We must do all of our work in a secret, undetectable hideout. Like the speakeasies of the 1920’s when alcohol was prohibited.”
We followed Dr. Hirsi to the secret chamber; going through one maze and secret entrance after another. Cynthia and I got the creeps. You would too, if you were there.
At last, Dr. Hirsi opened a combination-locked Fort Knoxstyle door. It was very large, silver in color, and was at least a foot thick; solid steel.
Upon entering the secret chamber, we saw dozens of incubated fleshy androids; males and females. In fact, there was a partially ‘manufactured’ feline fleshy android. I figured that this would be the next stage in the development of conveyer belt-style fleshy android production. However, the manufacturers would have to get approval from the Canadian Governmental organization responsible for this work.
“Girls, I have two models of fleshy androids at hand:

The MODEL 555-A always says yes and agrees with his wife. He
He never says no to her, especially when they’re doing that bedroom thing. This is a ‘yes man’ husband.

On the other hand, we have the MODEL 555-B that says yes most of the time, is a good all-round husband, but sometimes needs a bit of coaxing. Like the MODEL 555-A he’ll never cheat on his wife. However, flirting is programmed into his psyche.
Neither of the two models is fertile. Although the gooey white substance will be secreted during lovemaking, it is of no value on the streets. It resembles to old-time glues in primary school; the kind that’s squirted out of a bottle and is white.
Finally, I recommend that you get the MODEL 555-B. It’s the closest thing to a good marriage.

Girls, I’ll give you an hour to think it over. If you need more time when I return, just tell me. I’ll leave secret chamber for an additional hour. However, we do have a two hour limit. If you use it up, you cannot return to this place for three whole months. I’m sorry, but those are the rules.

Dr. Hirsi left the secret chamber and allowed us to make up our minds about which fleshy android to choose. It was odd because when I came here with Sandra, the place looked different. It may have been another secret chamber. This one looked more advanced and was much cleaner.

“Cynthia, my recommendation is identical to that of Dr. Hirsi’s. I think that the latter model will be someone who you’d like to spend the rest of your life with. The former will be old news as soon as you’ve made love to him fifty or so times.

“Jody, I want the first model! I have feelings and desires to satisfy! I can’t wait any longer! I don’t want to play any teasing games when it comes to love making! I want him to be ready and to say yes immediately, and to start at it instantly!” shouted Cynthia.

“Okay, Cynthia I’m sorry that you feel that way. But don’t you dare say that your friend Jody Wilson didn’t warn you! I mean it!”

After we’d exhausted our vocal chords, we took notice of a large table with countless snacks and drinks varieties. After glancing at each other, we mobbed it like a pair of lionesses.

We had donuts, sweet rolls, cake, Fig Newton bars, milk, juices, pop, mini-sandwiches, chips, and crackers. Gosh we filled ourselves to the rim!