Greegs & Ladders HTML version

of Greegs and Things… but mostly of Greegs
the First Chapter
Hmmm, where to start?
Not on Earth, that’s for sure! It is true I am writing this book for publication on the
planet Earth in an Earthling language. But all I really have to say about the planet Earth is
Not a great place to pop by and fuel up your space ship.
The ship I first came to Earth on was fuelled by investment bankers. Generally agreed
upon as the most useless organisms ever to exist in the vast history of time and space , it’s
common knowledge the only thing they are good for is fuelling space ships.
Common knowledge isn’t very common on Earth.
You would think this abundance of investment bankers and lack of common sense
would make Earth a damned fine place to pop by and fuel up your space ship.
If you had the same experience I had, then you would not think of it as a great place to
pop by and fuel up your space ship.
If you had a space ship.
Which you don’t.
Now, many millennia of Earth stories have trained your brain to believe that for a story
to truly be a story, it must start with one character (a protagonist), and that person must be
followed on a journey in which they will encounter various obstacles in order to arrive at
their destination. Without meeting this singular character early on in a story, you may be
curious if this is even a story at all, rather than just a random assortment of descriptions of
silly creatures on silly planets. Don't worry. There is a story to be told here, but there’s no
point in telling it until you understand the setting in which the story takes place. Since you
know absolutely nothing about this place, it's going to take a little bit of time. Imagine how
little you know about the hair follicles in Julius Caesar’s left nostril. Double it, dip it in
chocolate sauce and then multiply it by a quintillion or two. That’s how little you know
about this place. This is how we tell stories in the rest of the universe. Time to catch up.
The main trouble I will have trying to describe the world in which this story takes place
is one of tense. To me, from my perspective, all of these events ha ve happened in my past.
But I am acutely aware that much of it does not occur in your past. There is a tense in many
alien tongues for this exact literary dilemma. Alas, no such luck with English. Please bear
with me in the opening chapters, as I appear to jump between the present and past tense.
On the simple, linear time-line of your average human, all of these events have actually
happened in what you would call 'the future.' But from the perspective of me, it is the past,
and from the perspective of the actual story it is the present. So whatever it is, whenever it
is... just be happy knowing that it is. Or was. Or will be. Kind of.
This story begins (began, will begin some day) on a planet you've never heard of. This