Feelings, Thoughts & Emotions by David Samuel, The Entrepreneur Monk - HTML preview

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TPTwaig Publications





David Samuel


Twaig Publications Auckland, New Zealand
Email: TwaigPublishing@gmail.com
First published by Twaig Publications, 2010
Copyright! David Samuel, 2010
Design, typeset and cover design by Twaig Publications

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

David Samuel has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents act 1988.

First published in New Zealand in 2010 by Twaig Publications.




David Samuel





The greatest beauty often comes out of the greatest pain. Music, art, expressions of Love, the list is endless. These writings came to me spontaneously in times of great suffering over a period of many years of spiritual seeking. Some I wrote, others seemed to be someone speaking to me. When I read my own writing, I am not sure, but I do know that these intensely comforting thoughts had a voice of their own.

When I found great pain, I also touched a spiritual union that filled me with joy and Love of a nature far greater than any woman could provide. Such is the paradox of the mystical life. This never eliminated my desire for companionship on a human level, but it did give me a comfort that stays with me every day of my life and satisfies me when I am alone, perhaps more than when I am with other people. This too, is a paradox of the mystical life.

There will always be pain for the spiritual seeker as long as there is separation from God, whatever each one perceives God to be, and this world makes it very difficult to end that separation permanently.

Union with the Divine can appear to be felt through the emotion of Love. Only with a heart in Love can we truly join with God or any other being. But to know hot, one must know cold. To know Love, one must know pain, union requires separation. You have never failed in love, your pain has prepared the road to know complete Love. What pure, complete and spiritual Love is, is not what people generally know as love.

Spiritual Love is the absence of fear and all the negative emotions that enter your heart and mind. Love cannot be cultivated, it can only be experienced when that which binds it has been removed. This is the work of the spiritual path, and the reason that pain brings Love. For the seeker, emotional pain exhibits the clinging of the lesser ego, and as it rears its head, the opportunity to remove it arises. And so pain exposes the inhibitor of Love so the seeker can catch and remove it, thus experiencing Mystical Love and Union with the Divine. In this way, pain brings Love. But humans are slow learners and must experience a lot of pain before they can fully remove this bind to the ego and its desires, fears and negative emotions.

Words have many meanings, but feelings cannot be adequately expressed in words. You must be able to feel the emotions behind the words, and this you can only do with an truly open mind. If your mind could be that open, you will also feel this Love.

Pain is not necessarily painful, but Mystical Union is always Divine. These words of Love were inspired at times by many things, nature, an emotional experience, or by the sight of a beautiful woman, not just a face, but a soul. Some have been inspired by seeing others in intense suffering, and even the blank faces on a rush hour bus.

All these things can inspire a seeker to joy or pain, they are two sides of the same coin. Mystical literature is often marked by paradox, the undeniable truth that where pain lives, joy is also present, and vice versa. Feeling without disdain or desire, brings with it the other, and there is a complete experience of all emotions without subjective opinions. When opinions of

good and bad are gone, then pain and pleasure complete each other in a way that unifies two separate emotions into one complete balanced Being.

Union with God means to feel what God feels, and since God is all things that exist, God feels pain and pleasure simultaneously, and so will the Divine Seeker when Union is achieved. Only by feeling all that exists, can a person be at one with That which created all that exists.

This pain is not pain as the dictionary defines it. This pain is not painful, although it cuts the heart. It can bring one to tears that are felt in joy and love. The pain is compassion, union with the suffering of others. To Love so much it hurts. To suffer for every moment of separation from the Beloved. To know you love that much, but cannot always feel it and be in Union with The Divine State, that is true Spiritual Pain. This is the poverty the Fakir, a spiritual poverty, a heart that is not fully in God at all times.

Fear not the pain of others, fear not the pain you may feel, fear not fear. Fear not the Love that is there, in you and for you. Sleep and wake up in tears accepting this Love. Trust in the truth that God is all there is, and the one strong enough to accept His pain as well as His pleasure, will find a seat in heaven every day of their life.

I have written these verses over the last two decades. Today I have decided to publish them. My time has come that there is nothing left for me to grasp on to in life. I am free, I have no concern if you like my words or not. I do not make public my words for any reason other than to let go of all I hold, all I have kept to myself. When there is nothing left to protect or hold, then true change can occur.

I hope that my experiences may touch your heart and encourage you to embark and keep a steady course on a journey of many bumpy roads, and allow your heart to bring forth its own words and feelings, while removing all your inhibitions, that you may find true Freedom.

With my sincere best wishes to All, David Samuel
If you find it in your heart, I would greatly appreciate any donation you would be willing to give. You can do so and find many other freely published works at www.entrepreneurmonk.com
Real Love

Real Love is wanting only to give.
If you desire to possess all the wealth in the world, For no other reason than to have that much to give, Then you know love.

If in profound meditation,
Your soul, the eternal being that you really are, Touches its source, its home,
And melts in union with the Divine Love.

If as you sit there,
Hummingbirds land in your open palms, And chipmunks climb on your knee, You know Love.

And in this state of unfathomable bliss,
You return to your worldly life from the the height of such ecstasy, Because you know the reason you live in mortal form, Is to share what you have found.

In this sacrifice of one who knows Truth,
Is the pure heart of a lover,
And you return not just for the love of one out of all, But for all that have come out of One.

If you can feel the meaning in these words, Then we share that love,
The love that is real,
Eternal and indestructible.

Together, with the warmth of this love we know, The glaciers of fear will melt away.
A human without love is not a human being.
To live without loving is merely existing, it is a robots life. To be truly alive, to live, to feel, one must have someone to love.

Love must be given to someone who can receive it for the lover to feel love.
If love is given to one who cannot accept it, then it burns even more painfully than if there where no love to begin.

Without love, the riches of life are worthless. As a diamond buried deep in the ground goes unnoticed of its beauty, so does any gift in life that goes unshared.
Joy comes from giving to one you love. A gift, a thought, a precious feeling, all are valued the same.

To accept love is as important as to give it. If you cannot receive, you cannot truly give. Accepting love is the same as giving, for love is not a thing that can be placed in a box. Love is life.
Life does not discriminate, deteriorate, or diminish the more it is given, rather it flourishes, and love is the same.

Find someone to love, a companion, the homeless, the needy, the lonely. Find love in all places, give love to one who needs if you do not have one at home. You must love if you want to live.

Only through loving can you find Truth.
Then when you are so in love with Truth, will you love all beings, and the love shall flow endlessly from you and to you, and you shall be well fed and content.

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I wake up with the Love of God, but God is not here for me to hold. I miss my Love, I ache for my Love, I am lonely, alone and empty. My mind drifts and wanders to useless thoughts,
I catch it and bring it home.
The pain of separation from God hurts me more,
My mind drifts again.
I curse my drifting mind and bring it back to God,
and the pain of separation returns.
Is the drifting mind a curse, or
a gift from God.
The drifting is an anesthetic from the pain of Loving The One I cannot hold, Until the day comes when we are united again.

It is only when I am suffering in great pain and torture from feeling separated from God that I can write of my Love and Joy in being close to You.
When all is well, no thoughts come. I do not get inspired to write, which is my greatest joy. This is how You keep me always happy.
Creatures and insects crawl and fly all about me. The more beautiful their colors, the more powerful their bite.
The water of this mountain lake is so clear and turquoise blue, the icebergs float only one hundred feet from shore, inviting me to play on them. The ice water would be my last swim. Why did You create such attractions to pain?
As finding You is all I desire, yet the path is so lonely, this too is great pain, but in the end, in the joy of Your company, all pain is forgotten.
I sit beside a small stream gently falling in the lake, the relaxing sound of flowing water, a small iceberg floats to the shore, why do we feel pain when there is so much pleasure?

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I was walking in the desert and saw a flower, pure white as can be.
It was open so wide that its petals could have been pressed in a book without moving them. The petals opened to make four perfect hearts exactly up, down, and to each side, I saw how a heart should open, not as one opening but it multiplies itself in its opening as wide as it can to reach all directions.
Open to all creatures, the little ones who feed on it and the big ones to appreciate its beauty. At night the petals close, to protect it from the creatures that live in the dark, and the cold night air that would destroy its beauty.
In the morning, with the sun and warmth, the flower opens again.

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I am so overwhelmed with Love that to look in your eyes, to think of you, I am helpless but to serve my beloved.
My life, my every breath is for none other than you,
To smell your scent, to hear the sound of your voice,
If not for you I could not live,
Separated from you, my life is unbearable,
What have you done to me that my joy is my torture.
Oh, my dear Beloved, when shall we be as one,
I cannot open my eyes, or spend a waking moment that I do not see you,
You are all there is yet so out of my reach,
Search as I may, you remain intangible, yet closer to me than myself,
I shall come back to you through the one you send,
and together, the separation of all shall dissolve in the union of forms.

I have felt the pain of my heart being torn apart By a woman who cried tears of love for me Pledging eternal faithfulness
Only to take another man the very next night.

I have felt the pain of loving one so deeply Being so safe
That only stories have told of such a love.

But through the strange way in which this world works She too, was separated from me
But stayed close enough
That for years
My heart and mind thought of her above all others.

But these pains, As strong as the heart can feel, fade, And are nothing compared to the pain
Of loving one that is near impossible to attain.

The pain I feel of the love for All
But not being able to love One
Or have The One I love,
This is a pain that goes beyond the heart.

This love is my soul,
And that is the source of the heart The source of all things.
The source of the heart
Is where I love
And, where I live.

When I was a child
I was aware enough to know that I was not aware That there is so much more than I could see I felt a love for that invisible thing
That source of my heart,
And of my life.

I gave myself to that being
Although I could not see, touch, or hold it I knew it was real.

My heart yearns for the love I cannot touch being separated by my body.
What I love, who that is
I am not worthy of
Although it loves me, I am far from it. My truth is pain,

For pain burns me clean
The separation of being
With the knowledge of perfection Loving God but being human
How to resolve this duality that I live in I know it is not real,
It will not last eternally.

How can I find the source of all things The source of my heart
The source of my love?

When will I know that which I know is real When will this pain for the sake of love end The loves and pains of my heart are nothing Compared to the love and pain of my soul.

How can I love a body,
That is of the heart
When I know that the love of my soul
Is for something that is not born and does not die.

Even the best steel
If left in the fire of tempering too long Will defeat its purpose.
How long must I burn
To be cleansed enough
That I may love
That I may be worthy and capable of loving That which I love.

Will this fire consume me before it is too late Will it ever be too late?
Will I die without ever knowing that love Will life end, will it continue?
Will I know that it is continuing
Or must I be born asleep again.

Let me burn until there is nothing left of me, But only You remain.
Who am I?
I am so lonely because I am all there is, so I created myself that I should not be alone. In so doing, I gave myself away, I separated me from me and became lost in my own mind. There is no way home when I give up the path, lost in the forest of illusion. Now even more am I lonely, for my pain has been multiplied.
How to return, the ego I created asks, but listens not for an answer.
I call, I write, messengers I send, but I cannot hear myself even though I know it is me. I have created my own ego and I cannot rejoin my separation.
An error I have made, but being eternal, it shall correct some day.
Is there no end to suffering, even for me?
God I am, but still I am learning.

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I am not alone, you are not alone, neither of us can be.
For without me there is no you, and without you, there is no one to know me. But to call to you, if you do not hear, is as if I am alone.
So I call in many voices that you may find one you can hear.

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I go back to search for a woman, someone to give my love to, to give all of me, all I have. Not to give my power, my mind, my life force,
But to give the love that is overflowing and ever-growing in me, that love which is vibrant within. There is so much Love in me that I feel I will soon explode.
I can love all beings but they cannot understand and accept my love so it stays within me. I search for that woman who can accept it and take it without conflict or confusion, The woman who I can give gifts of the heart and the world,
The woman who knows love.
I exist to give and share, but without someone to receive, I am in excruciating pain. She need not give back as I give her, she need only accept.
She who can accept will know, and needs also to give.

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A heart complete, full, in Love
Can sing the sweetest songs.
But from a heart broken,
Leaks the bitter sweet words that touch the soul.

What is a desert, barren sand, some scrub brush, not enough water for a man to survive. Feared and avoided by all but the Bedouin, the nomad, the seeker of solitude. The desert is rock and sand and seems lifeless.
There are deserts like the Sahara or the Gobi, only sand. Then high deserts with rock formations of reds and beige that are slowly deteriorating into sandy beds.
There are also cactus, sage, and juniper trees, but still no water and life, or so it seems. Winters are barren, the plants sleep.
But in the spring, life abounds, Juniper trees grow berries, and cactus bloom with flowers of every color in the rainbow, and even more.
Blossoms the size of tiny leaves to giant flowers,
Deer and coyote come out with all the smaller creatures.
The loose sandy soil is held together by Cryptobiotic plant life which grows one inch per hundred years, without it all would be washed and blown away.
Man too makes his appearance in the spring. Ever exploring, he crushes one hundred years of growth with each step and begins the end of life.
Storms do come, but most times the air is as dead as the desert appears.
Life is here, it is only harder to see.
After days of walking in dry barren desert, a canyon can be seen only when you are on its edge.
A river runs at its bottom, a thousand feet below.
Water is life.

Near people I long to be alone, in the desert, I crave companions.
This conflict is my torture.
Do I head to a town or stay another night, I choose to stay.
Alone in the wild I make a fire, prepare some food and eat.
The sun is setting, the rocks glow orange,
I clean my plate, put away my things,
The air is still but neither hot nor cold,
I walk and think, All is perfect, I am complete, I have want of nothing.
Somewhere a terrorist is planting a bomb.
My stomach is full, my body without pains or complaint, I am in Heaven,
Venus rises in the evening sky, the first night light, a sliver of the crescent moon sets in the west.
Somewhere a retaliation is planned.
If I died this moment I would not notice the change to perfection.

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There are two ways to go through life,
To travel or to wander.
The wanderer sees what the traveler misses on the way to his destination.


I have been taken out of my true body and placed into this human form of a washing machine to be cleansed of sorts, in this body of clay.
I am spun, twisted, turned and wrung out, put here to be cleansed in a torturous process.

Then I am hung out to dry, but the washing process was not complete, I dry hard and brittle, and as a dead leaf blows off the tree into the wind, I am blown about and am pushed into a pile of other leaves. Some children come, they kick me, toss me about and play in my decaying body, they step on me and I crumble into many tiny fragments, turning to dust, I am blown again in the wind, dispersed completely, and what is left of me, nothing but dust blowing in the wind.

The wind lifts me and I become the wind, invisible and free. Without boundaries or limitations. Beyond anyone’s ability to capture, manipulate or control. I am the wind, I am completely free, I am all powerful. With my strength I become a typhoon that blows in the hearts of those beings that have come here to be cleansed.

A bird flies freely soaring on the wind, he flies low and a car hits him, takes his life, where is the bird, is he in his body or flying higher than he ever has before.

To be the wind is to be what we are, to become the wind while alive is a process too painful to bear, so we do not take it. How can we become what we truly are without the pain and suffering of this life?

What more must be done, Dear God, to bring us home.


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Think about space.
This planet has a shield protecting it from that void, keeping the environment in, and meteorites out.
So vast is its design.

Think about the tiniest leaf, the veins bringing life to every cell, So vast is its design.


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A heart in many places can never be in one place. Only when a heart is in one place,
Can it be in all places.

Oh how we are such fools.
We dream and fantasize of meeting Prince Charming on the streets, we glance at each other and Love burns strong from that moment to eternity.
How many hours are spent in this dream.
Movies and songs are written and we flock in hoards to see this dream come true in fiction. Could this ever happen to me, I wonder.
In life we get these chances, life brings these gifts,
But the world we live in, what we call reality, is to harsh for such things to happen, or so we believe.
Such dreams are only for the movies.
He comes, She sees him, their hearts flutter.
He offers her the world, she is overwhelmed and does not know what to say.
They part for the evening with a promise to talk the next day.
She does not call, he waits and hopes.
He calls her and she sounds distant.
She will not accept him, she is afraid, he cannot be real, he is too good.
She goes to the movies and listens to a song on the radio, of Love and fairy tales that she feels could never happen to her.

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I cry thinking of God, I am so close and still so far.
A rain drop falls on my face.
I round the bend and see a magnificent waterfall,
The mountains are hidden in the clouds.
It is all so perfect, why take one step more? In
In wonderment of the Divine perfection, I am paralyzed in Union, unable to serve.

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I drive along the highway and see a beautiful mountain range in the East with the full moon rising above it. The golden light of the setting sun making the mountain a wonder and the sky still so bright blue the moon’s craters are the same blue, such a sight.
I sit on the concrete and this is my foreground to a heavenly vision with small cars and giant trucks speeding by not even knowing the full moon is rising or how it changes the tides and how it holds our world together, not even knowing it is there, they fly by.
The mountains are now pink, the sun is setting, the moon is getting higher.
Or is it the other way round?

I woke up and my whole body is one huge sensor. I want to touch, to feel. I move my arms and legs along the sheets to feel, I imagine they are soft skin. It is not sexual, but sensual. There is such pleasure in this touch, I love, someone.

It is being human, this feeling of touching, if I came to be human, part of it must be to experience touch and other feelings, all the things of being human, not denying any of them. I think of my life growing up, seeing and living with only hate, anger, and bitterness, no wonder I did not want to live or be here.

Then those things became part of me and I didn’t see or understand that I got them by exposure to my parents, so like any other virus they infected me and I didn’t want to live. I had the worst cancer, that is of the heart and soul, of the emotions.

It eventually destroys the heart by trying to hide it with an over-active mind. The mind starts to work so much, so fast, that the heart cannot make itself known or reach the surface and get some air, so it eventually suffocates and dies.

That is the cancer, a slow death that takes a lifetime. Taking so long gives me the chance to heal as long as I am still alive.
This is a common cancer. How can I heal it? Only by seeing it. It comes out like bullets, negative words or thoughts. When those things show themselves I have to grab them, pull them out, throw them away and plug the hole with good thoughts.

This cancer is like a weed with very deep roots that have many fingers. Every finger of the root must be pulled out because if one is left, the plant can grow again. But I can only pull out one finger of the root at a time.

Long periods of happiness mean there are not many fingers left, but is the happiness real, or is it just a remission, is it placidity, or apathy. Happiness from removing the cancer is unquestionable in its feeling, apathy is something that can be taken for happiness but doesn’t feel quite right.

Apathy comes from the cancer having killed the feeling sensors so there is actually no feeling, not good or bad. The only way to know the difference is to experience real feeling, where every inch of my body is alive. This is what I feel this morning.

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I wonder, when you read my words, do you hear my thoughts and feel my feelings?
The world of man was too difficult for me to live in,

And so I left to find peace.
I found a place in the mountains,
And there I decided to stay.
The summer has passed so quickly,
Time has just flown by.
I have accomplished nothing, neither learnt nor grown,
Time is passing fast.
I left because of my pain, but pain follows me,
And time goes on.
I look for even more isolation, and I lose more of my head start in the world,
Winter is coming and I am still lost.
Torn between choosing quiet and freedom or being in the world trying to fill the hearts of people with joy,
Time continues to flow.
I sit alone and wonder if my chance to live out my destiny passed,
What will become of me, will I ever really live, or love.
Where is my place, my purpose, my joy.
I see the signs of guidance only from behind, but once passed it is to late.
Is it to late for me to come home, to be who I am, do what I came for,
To see every soul on earth smiling and filled with Love.

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Your Eyes

I have dreamt of such eyes
I have searched the world for such eyes Luminescent and alive
Hiding nothing.
I see more than bright color in those eyes I wonder if those eyes look deeply into other eyes Do they look with passion?
Does passion look back at them?
Eyes so clear
Should glow with strength equal to the sun, Do they burn with the fuel of deep love today Do these eyes glow each night? I wonder Have they ever?
Can I make them?
I wonder.

We search our lives for a dream, an image of perfection in life and love. One day we find it and cannot bear the sight. It is to strong and to perfect to believe. We fear that if we take this chance and it fails, our dream will be shattered, so we leave it alone.
I search for myself, for the feeling of me guiding myself to the best good for me and all those who’s lives I touch. In my younger days, my needs ruled my actions, I regretted this each time.

Now I search for my heart to lead me to the path I know is the only one that can take me home, to my heart where I will feel safe and can rest, in love of God and all beings. This is a lonely path because it means to pass the temporary pleasures and keep my heart pure and ready for the true one. The challenge is to resist and before that, to determine what is right.

My body craves touch, my mind, stimulation, my heart, love. I meet a woman, she can feed my body and mind, but my heart questions. Is she going to fill all my needs, is she going to be hurt. She is in love already, I am questioning. She is ready to take a chance, I can see the future. The short term will be exciting and wonderful for us both, but in a short time, I shall be in want of more, I shall be unfulfilled, she shall get hurt.

I feel for her now, but I know myself and my needs, and how I will react, it is time to decide, enjoy now and let the pieces fall where they may, or let my mind and heart be wiser than my body, let me act not from my desires and instincts, but from my desire to bring joy without pain, as much as that can happen.

If I know pain is certain to follow, is it not better to change course now and limit its impact, I wonder. I am not sure what to do, but inside I choose to take the path of least pain for fear that the pain will cause another wall to go up. We both suffer now, each in our own way for this experience that will never be. I cry with the loss but I know it is for the best.

Perhaps I am wrong, and it is right to take our moment of love for as long as it can last, to love for a moment and having to let it go is better than to dream the rest of the life of the love that could have been.

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This fire ignites quickly
And burns hot and wild
But dies soon if fuel is not added

This fire can warm and light the world But with no one to tend it
It lights and empty cave
I fall in Love with faces, images, ideals
Never even saying hello
I create a woman of perfection in my mind.
My heart opens to envelope her with Love
She never knows what happens
Not even saying hello to me
She leaves and is gone forever.
The walls around me crumble and leave my heart buried in rubble An aching heart cries out for help
And writes itself a love letter
The Phoenix rises and flies away.

Those who can see the fire Run in fear of being burnt
For they do not know
This fire of Love can do no harm.

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A stranger in a strange land
I find not one to relate to
We function in different ways, these people and I Not one who lives and thinks like me can I find So alone in the crowd
I am forced to go within for a companion
There I searched and found myself
My best friend and teacher who knows me well We talk and joke and learn of life
We see this world and others too
And find home within the stranger in a strange land Creator and created are one.

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I am the sun on a heavy overcast day,
You look out the window and see only cloud, You stay inside your safe haven,
And feel the light and warmth that penetrates the veil. The taste of Love is the sweetest poison to the lover,
It is a nectar which brings the desire for my Beloved into every cell of my being.

I have become incapable of living normally in this world,
All things lose their interest, save your companionship.
And so this nectar of Love makes every moment apart a painful torture.

Food has lost its flavor if it is not shared,
The sun sets, but the colors are dull if they are not reflected in your face, The face which brings all beauty to this world.

I see you in all things, with every breath, every thought, everywhere I turn, I see you and wish only to be joined in ultimate union,
The union that is beyond bodies,
The union that is of souls.

But we cannot be together until the time is right,
And so I suffer, having tasted the nectar of love,
Until the antidote, the melting away of two beings becoming one, is ours.

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The eyes cry tears of salt water
The heart cries tear of blood.
The soul weeps with no tears
Until it is cleansed with the wine of love.

Salt water is not sweet wine
and can do nothing to cleanse the soul Only the pain of life that cuts the heart and brings it to tears
can fill the cup for the soul.

Blood becomes wine when it pours from a heart That cries for the pain of Love
Not love of man, but love of God
Love that is felt for all that do not feel
Love that comes not from another's love But from the love of no other than the soul. My heart grows each day with love for you, But it has no vent,
for you are beyond my reach.

As it grows and does not show,
It is full to the point of pain,
Until at last it collapses upon itself,
like a star, it burns brighter and brighter until it becomes a black hole.

But like the star, even in it’s darkness, It attracts its love to it,
And draws itself to its love.

In its darkness,
Its strength may not be seen, but is ever stronger,
And never fades.

Soon it is born anew,
Glowing brighter than ever, As if only a day has passed, The darkness is quickly forgotten.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

To clean the heart you must go beyond the heart. Know that there is something beyond the heart. The heart gives things, attention, affection, all actions. But do not feel that is all there is.

Go beyond these things to the soul that lies behind the heart. The heart is the veil to the soul,
And that is where we really want to be.
In this world I find,
Things of beauty everywhere I look. Some are beauty in form,
Others in scent,
Others in soul.

There is beauty in movement,
And stillness.
Beauty in the gentleness of the breeze, Or the calm, late night air.

Beauty is not rare,
It is just hidden at times, Waiting to be born,
Or for my eyes to see.

The bud lies asleep,
Waiting for spring,
When the time has come for flowers to bloom And birds to sing.

These are the joys of life, That are given to me, But hidden until,
It is my time to be free.

I lie asleep
Lost in the world.
Seeking for You,
Who is deep within my soul.

In all the world,
You call to me,
I find you not,
Distracted by my mind.

Until the day arrives,
That you lift the veil of illusion, To know that the beauty of the world Comes and goes.

But the greatest beauty of all, Is You who brings to me, The expression of all beauty, Body, Heart and Soul,
In the One I love, eternally.

You have given us all the joys of life Only to test us,
To find the one true joy.

Of them all
I have tried many
And found the One to have.
But this One cannot be possessed, acquired or contained.

The joy of sharing, of giving,
Of being with friends
I find nothing in this world that can satisfy the hunger and need of my heart.

Crowds and parties filled with people Are of no consolation
When The Friend is not there.

Only a fellow seeker can be a true friend
only one who knows You can appease my need.

The thousand joys
can do nothing to please
the one who has seen a glimpse of You.

You hide behind the veil that shields my mind and only when the subtle breeze blows it aside can I know you are there.

Alone I am with you
In a crowd I am alone
With The Friend I am forever satisfied.

Why do you make the only true joy So difficult to find
Hidden in dark alleys
in the maze our my heart.

Those that are pure
may never find each other
Alone we wander in search of the truth.

Truth is hidden
in front of our eyes Hidden by the veil that only you can lift.

In this world,
there is only one joy
That of sharing life with True Friends.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

The mind and heart speak different languages When I am with you
The words in the language of the heart
cannot be expressed in the language of the mind.

With people who speak the language of the mind and not the language of the heart
I feel a stranger in a strange land, unable to speak.

The language of the heart has no alphabet That the mind can comprehend.
Being alone, Being with someone, I do not like this lonely feeling.

Why is it that many have something to do, And others do not want to do anything What is right?

The ones that keep busy just to be busy,
Are they just passing time? Perhaps not.
The ones that do not want to do anything, what are they? Lost in depression, disillusionment, tired of disappointments. Hiding away from the life they long to live,
There is no way out.

I am alone and want to be with others,
my only seeming joy in this life is friends.
God is the only true companion for me, but here in this world, It is people that must be the friends.
They are not with me,
and so where can I turn?

Is this the point of suffering,
its use and reason for being
to make life so painful that there is no choice but to turn to yourself to find Your True Self. What can I do? Where can I turn?
This life is pointless, that is the point.

To be part of it
without being apart To be here,
But still at home.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


I have seen the face of God. Reflected in my dirty heart.

Even so,
Through the muddy veil of ego, I was welcomed,
In his outstretched arms.

Do I really want to find me From all I hear,
To find me is to lose me.

If truth is found,
That I am God,
Then all I know of what I am, Will dissolve.

I say I seek truth,
But what do I do to find it? If it is all that matters, Why is it not all I pursue.

What is my truth,
That truth is what I fear To find It
I lose myself.

Seek within is what I am told But where in is there to seek If I look in
how can I look out?

If the point of life is love for all
Where are they? Within me?

To look within
to find what's out To look out
to find what is within

How much do I really want to find the truth? I can never find what I do not want to have For I only look with blinded eyes.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

The finger that points out the arrogant, Is most often
Green with envy.

I was intensely lonely
I left to travel the world to find God I found Him in Me one day
I was no longer lonely.

Then I became lonely again
I had 3 weeks of bliss from that moment, Only for moments now, can I get it back.

I make people laugh and they love me But I leave alone,
And I am lonely again,
Each time, a bit more.

I wake in another hotel, and feel alone, yet so in bliss with this being alone, I am the only one in my world,
Except for God
And I am at peace.

Then I must get out of bed, and face the world, A lonely place for me,
Because I see others together,
And I wish I had a companion too.
But that does not cause as much pain to me, As knowing the pain of the ones that are alone. And I am lonely for them.

I know a place where I feel joy
But I know I have to leave
That is only for some moments or a few days And then I will be alone again,
With the One I love the most.

My Love for God keeps me away from humans And my Love makes me lonely
For He rejects me in a way,
As a loving parent will
Send their child out of the nest
To make a new life of their own.

In this way the world will change
And the soul will see
What life has to offer and how to be
The one thing that we are each created to do To express the Divine in the material world The mortal part of the immortal
Which gives life to the immortal.

I found that the rejection, Was really acceptance. If there where no forms Even God would not exist.

Existence is the expression of being,
And if Being is not expressed, how can it be known? As the tree falls without a sound in the empty forest, God is not known if we are not here.

But why am I so lonely? This whole life of mine I cannot take this pain
That is mixed with such joy.

The joy of union comes when I am alone.
When I am with others,
there is another joy.
That joy ends in sadness
That brings me back to Union
The joy of Union transforms into desire for a woman’s love in this world.

This is the turning of the wheel
From Heaven to earth in Love
From Love to pain on earth
To find love on earth brings me back to Love with God and Heaven on earth.

But why the pain on earth,
To remember Heaven is beyond earth Love here is to find Love there
And so pain keeps away the dream
That forgets the source
The real home where we where originally born.

In pain I write,
And talk to myself
But is it me or He who speaks the answers

Either way,
The pain exists
I am so lonely for God and my Home But I know I must stay here,
Traveling the universe, this world, and seek Truth.

The elusive spirit of Truth Is the only thing I love,

And so in the hearts of humans, The joy I bring
I find the truth of Love,
In easing the pain of loneliness Of all the others
Who are just like me.

But if that joy were to last,
And I would not leave
There would be no pain to remind me It is all a dream.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


Path of the Seeker

Like a black hole,
The depths of my heart, Called me to seek,
In places I could not see.

My mind found many paths, and devoured their words. Unsatisfied,
The pain grew deeper.

As great as the depth of my emptiness, Is the Love I have to give.
One grows equal to the other.

Alone and needing to share, My heart ached to love, And the hunger deepened.

Thinking, I sought, For the path of truth, To hear that the mind, Cannot find itself.

Study and learn,
To read that thoughts must be avoided. Intellect cannot find the essence of truth, Knowledge and information are not the same.

But that is the path to learn, How to achieve the goal, Thinking about no thought, How can this be achieved?

Once long ago,
My mind silently heard my heart, And I knew there was a Truth.

My intellect asked its name,
To find out who it was,
That I may call upon it as I wished, And it was gone.

For years I wandered the barren desert, And in the distance saw a lone tree, Perhaps from there,
I could glimpse a direction.

Climbing each dune, It appeared closer.
It vanished from my view.

At last reaching it,
I climbed to the top,
Scratching and cutting myself, On thorny branches.

From my perch,
High above the sand, I saw nothing,
To satisfy my plan.

As the last breath of hope, Left my seeking mind, In complete despair,
I let go of my hold,
And fell
Within My Self.

What is Love

Looking at one, any one, Man or woman,
Without thought,
My hearts melts in love.

What is love,
Not what I know or seek,
It is nothing in itself,
Love is experienced with the melting of fear.

Rather than a feeling that comes, Love is being in union with God.
Love simply is what is and will always be, Unchanged and forever unchanging.

Separation, rejection, alienation, Of others or of myself,
Builds a wall,
That blocks the light.

In a moment of seeing no difference, No male, no female,
Old or young, black or white,
My body relaxes, and I can breath.

Seeing without thought,
Makes the wall transparent,
And the light shines through.
Love is not something to be acquired.

What I call love,
What was always there, Is now felt.
I am Love, but did not know.

Until, in the shock of seeing this truth, Instead of this world’s illusion,
I return to believe,
That, You and I are real.
I have seen the face of God. Reflected in my dirty heart.

Even so,
Through the muddy veil of ego, I was welcomed,
In his outstretched arms.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I was born a nobody,
And wanted to be somebody special.
I worked, and became a somebody,
Then I discovered that everybody was somebody.

In finding this truth,
I returned to being a nobody, So I could become,
One with everybody.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Oh what tragedy I have done, What foolishness have I committed. In trying to see me,
I have created you and I.

Before time began,
There was only One,
But one can never stay alone, Even this One.

Now, I do not recognize myself. Even looking in a mirror,
With ignorance and asleep, I think I am not me.

But at times,
One eye blinks,
In a moments wakeful state, And catches a glimpse, Of me in my sleep.

Then I see,
Who I may be, Only to fall,
Asleep again.

To awaken fully, Is to see what is. My heart and body, Are all in All,

What hypnotic games,
In this world of dreams,
Makes one who is created to fly, Crawl instead.

Smell the sweet perfume, Of flowers and wind, And seek yet deeper, For what makes its scent.

I dream of meeting,
Who I am,
And meet we shall,
When you can stay awake.

Hymn to Death, a meditation

Death, the ultimate redeemer,
Bringer of peace and freedom,
Opener of the door to unlimited space and time.

Death is that which brings an end to suffering in this life, Ending the act of illusion, illuminating Reality.

Life is joy and equally pain,
Sometimes more one than the other, Is death that fickle?

Where does this life end? Only in death.
What is life’s purpose, No one knows,
Yet man has always asked.

Death is the great friend, The ender of pain.
The masters have sought it, and taken refuge therein.

But the masses are forbidden to touch this relief, It shall come when it inevitably must.
Until then, we must live in this world.

Death is the path home,
To freedom and eternal peace, To rejoin with the source,
Total knowledge and contentment, Freedom!

This may sound dark,
Leading to misery and the unknown, But perhaps it is the path to Eternal Light. And life is simply the only pathway. I come to you with a heart that is pure,
Pure as your soul glows from its very Being.
Intentions that are simply to find the love
That will enrich this life to the point that it will touch the Beyond.

Walls of fear have crumbled at the sight of you,
Your movements, your smile, the light in your eyes Reflect the depth and purity of your heart,
A heart that can melt the greatest icebergs simply by its gaze.

Such is the heart I have been seeking throughout my life. Journeys around the world,
Inward reflection and outward searching,
For you have been hiding from my view,
Waiting for me to become ready.

At last some strange desire
Has brought me to a place that I would not go Only to find you hiding in the open,
Waiting perhaps, for me.

In truth, I admit, who knows what shall become, Of us,
Or of all creation.
But it is in hope and faith that we continue to proceed.

The twinkling and twitching of my heart, Makes me come to you above all others, That destiny awaits to unfold in our union. Perhaps it shall not be forever,
Perhaps it will.

The risk of missing even a moment of the possibilities Is not a risk we should take,
For the gamble is so minor, but the gain so great. If the Gods have brought us together,
How can we turn away.

As these words come to me, My blood begins to bubble,
The heat in my heart,
Tells me, you must hear my words.

Even though they may seem too much, to far beyond the norm, That is what love is about.
It is not found in the commonplace,
Nor are such possibilities granted to all.

They are not found at every turn,
They are reserved for those who will see, feel, And are willing to take the chance.

Because it is only the heart that is willing to be broken That will ever find its true opening,
And in opening, will it know the purpose of life mortal and Eternal.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Oh Peaceful life,
return to me.
Love has entered my heart, and captured my mind.

Alone and by myself,
I slept so sound,
without a thought,
Until I was touched by Love.

The embers where calm,
there was no spark,
life was simple and placid, Now the coals have been stirred.

Sparks fly,
and flames begin to grow, Reaching for you,
Daily they get stronger.

With you in my heart, but not by my side, Love twists my mind, So often to you.

I lie awake at night, for hours on end, dreaming of life
and loving you.

How fickle are our hearts, So easily calmed,
By withdrawing
from what we seek.

Once loves enters,
and the blood is warmed, Its call,
rules my life.

If only it could
stay closed forever, there would be no pain, no desires.

But that is not the heart, of a real lover,
The Divine makes it so,
Anything less would be death.

Love will call,
and we must heed,
once touched,
Forever, are we its slave.

What better Master,
than the one and only Ruler, Who ultimately gives us our life, and all we need ever live for.

Fear of pain,
desire for peace,
most hearts pretend to open, and hide in the mind.

Submit to Love,
and find the peace,
that can only come through turmoil, and settled in your arms.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Emotion opens the Heart,
Beauty inspires emotion.
Surround yourself with beauty, until You can see beauty in everything.

The weak need beauty on the outside, To learn to see beauty on the inside. We are all born weak,
But the wise know how to become strong.

The Tea Tree

Who is truly willing to love, truly?
But who truly wants to be loved this way? Where is the problem,
Lover or Beloved?

We seek love and spiritual growth. The spirit needs love to grow,
But any love other than this,
Leaves little room for the plant to flourish.

As the tea plant appears to be merely a bush, Because it is so often cut for the love of its leaves, Left alone it would grow into a tree.
But who would know.

For it is always cut short by the love of its lover. If loved truly and left to grow as nature intended, Its lover fears being overwhelmed,
And lost, becoming insignificant,
In the magnificence of the beloved.

Fear not dear lover,
For the larger I grow,
The more sweet shelter I can provide,
And then you too shall grow to your magnificent destiny.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

If the strong enough desire has the power to set the future, how can that same intensity be duplicated to change the course once again?
To experience and feel without reacting is the goal.
The balance is not reacting but still acting.
Reacting is automatic, acting is consciousness guided by wisdom.
These thoughts are useless if one is not capable of applying them.
The training is to become capable.
Desire mixed with tremendous emotion, even for a brief moment, is powerful enough to create a magnetic centre.
There are two kinds of emotions.
Strong conscious emotion is the catalytic force that changes thoughts into material reality. Undirected and reactive emotions can do nothing of value or benefit.

The First is beyond comprehension, so don’t even try.
The First created the first Being, Intellect, Barbello.
Barbello created all that is or was created by thinking and in Its thinking, The First created those things Barbello thought about.
To think is to ask The First which is impersonal and simply power.
To think correctly is to create good things.
To think incorrectly is to create disaster.

The chain of creation multiplied and eventually the builder of the material realm was created, Yaldaboath, and it created all we know of, including our bodies.
But only Intellect gives life to Adam. Intellect, Barbello is our soul.
Yaldaboath could not give that which he did not possess, so he stole It and was later tricked to give it up and place it in Adam.

Before Adam, there were other humans which were only like the animals, without soul. The race of Adam came to be and possesses body and Intellect, soul.
It is impossible for the mind of man to understand the Intellect, Barbello, but Intellect calls to go back home.
The mind of man is the prison of Intellect. All we can do is quiet the mind to let Intellect call home and hear the reply.
The call and reply together is the instant deliverance from here to there.

With all my soul, I call to You, to My Source.
Hear me now, I beg of You. I am lost in this prison and have no home here. I have no place to lay my head, no roof that is solid to trap me in, my eyes see through the walls, but my body cannot cross the bars, let me out, bring me home, I beg of you.

I cannot understand, I cannot conceive with this petty little mind, how can I come home other than by your hand. Reach down and unlock the gate, open the prison doors and carry me home. Send the messengers and guardians of Life, carry me back to my source. Release me from this clay prison for I cannot wait until it crumbles on its own.

Hear my call, I beg of you, answer to me in a voice I can hear.
Make my eyes and ears open to you, make me hear your answer to me.
All I can do is not enough, it can never be on its own. It must be you who is the final key, the last ingredient to the recipe of life, true life, not this shell of death.

I call to you, great First of all beings, for you have started this chain of life, you are the one who made it all come to be. Now I am here, away from you, and I call unto you to bring me home, a journey I cannot make on my own.
You have sent me here, you have let me come, and You are the only way I can return.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! If you have enjoyed reading, I would be very grateful for any donations you would be kind enough to make through my web site www.entrepreneurmonk.com


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