End Backsliding Forever HTML version
Part One: The Pattern of Backsliding and Self-Sabotage
See if this story sounds familiar. You want to enhance a part of your life. Maybe you want
more money, or you want success with women, or you want to “overcome shyness” and have
social success. Whatever it is, there is something you are currently doing that is causing you
unhappiness, or something you would like to do that would bring you more enjoyment, and you
want to make a change.
So you search for a solution and find some system. Chances are, you pay good money for this,
because it’s important to you – you really want to change this part of your life. You buy this
self-improvement system, you read it, or study the DVDs, and you have some success. Maybe
you start making sales, or you make a connection with a beautiful woman. You find that the
self-improvement system actually works and you notice some initial success.
Then what happens? You start worrying that you’ll “backslide.” That voice, or that feeling,
comes up and warns you that you are going to end up back in the same place of failure and
frustration you were in before.
And even though you do not want to fail, you find yourself focusing on that failure and noticing
the ways in which you are “backsliding.” You have trouble replicating that feeling you had
when you found your first success. The next time you try and use the new system, it does not
work as well, or maybe you “freeze up,” and it does not work at all.
And the more you focus on the “setbacks,” the harder it gets. Soon you are looking at that first
instance of success as your “high point,” your ideal, instead of the first step on your road to
success. And you find yourself falling more and more into your old habits and ways of thinking.
That “high point,” which you actually achieved, becomes unattainable.
Eventually, you write off that first taste of success as “beginners luck,” or a “fluke.” You accept
that you have once again backslid into the old way of being that has not been serving you. You
become more and more convinced that this is how you were meant to be – this is “who you
are.” Eventually, you become convinced that the self-improvement system does not really
work, or will not work for you, and you give up. Maybe you search desperately for another
system, or you resign yourself to being the way you are and make excuses for your lack of
success, like “only smart and well-connected people make money;” or “only guys who are rich,
or tall, or have big muscles, get the attractive women.”
And you do one more thing – you see this as proof that “backsliding” is real, and that whatever
it is you are trying to achieve simply cannot be learned, that it is impossible to have real, lasting