it will give me a good night's sleep. Last night tired me more than if I had not slept at all.
2 October 10 P.M.--Last night I slept, but did not dream. I must have slept soundly, for I
was not waked by Jonathan coming to bed, but the sleep has not refreshed me, for
today I feel terribly weak and spiritless. I spent all yesterday trying to read, or lying down
dozing. In the afternoon, Mr. Renfield asked if he might see me. Poor man, he was very
gentle, and when I came away he kissed my hand and bade God bless me. Some way
it affected me much. I am crying when I think of him. This is a new weakness, of which I
must be careful. Jonathan would be miserable if he knew I had been crying. He and the
others were out till dinner time, and they all came in tired. I did what I could to brighten
them up, and I suppose that the effort did me good, for I forgot how tired I was. After
dinner they sent me to bed, and all went off to smoke together, as they said, but I knew
that they wanted to tell each other of what had occurred to each during the day. I could
see from Jonathan's manner that he had something important to communicate. I was
not so sleepy as I should have been, so before they went I asked Dr. Seward to give me
a little opiate of some kind, as I had not slept well the night before. He very kindly made
me up a sleeping draught, which he gave to me, telling me that it would do me no harm,
as it was very mild. . .I have taken it, and am waiting for sleep, which still keeps aloof. I
hope I have not done wrong, for as sleep begins to flirt with me, a new fear comes, that
I may have been foolish in thus depriving myself of the power of waking. I might want it.
Here comes sleep. Goodnight.