Biblemerica by Jack Brackitt - HTML preview
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Adapting the following King James Bible books: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, and JoshuaFor my ancestors. Table of Contents
P ART 1. YOUTH................................................................................................................ 6
1. Illinoisans in Alabama ............................................................................................ 6
2. A child is born......................................................................................................... 8
3. Vegas Vic .............................................................................................................. 11
PART 2. GOVERNOR....................................................................................................... 17
4. Moses and Aaron meet the Governor ................................................................... 17
5. The firstborn.......................................................................................................... 29
6. At the Mississippi River ........................................................................................ 32
PART 3. MISSION............................................................................................................ 37
7. Where to eat .......................................................................................................... 37
8. Hoover Dam.......................................................................................................... 41
9. Jethro advises Moses ............................................................................................ 42
PART 4. VIC ................................................................................................................... 44
10. Illinoisans in Las Vegas ...................................................................................... 44
11. Ten Laws ............................................................................................................. 47
12. Aaron falls into trouble....................................................................................... 51
PART 5. WANDERING..................................................................................................... 55
13. An unapproved broadcast ................................................................................... 55
14. Miriam................................................................................................................. 58
15. Spying on Illinois ................................................................................................ 60
16. Dathan and the Young Broadcasters .................................................................. 65
17. Meribah Saloon................................................................................................... 68
18. Heading to Missouri ........................................................................................... 70
PART 6. CONQUEST........................................................................................................ 72
19. Crossing through Oklahoma City ....................................................................... 72
20. Governor Balak and Hillbilly Balaam................................................................ 75
21. Prostitutes ........................................................................................................... 81
22. Texarkanans – distant relatives .......................................................................... 85
23. Going to Kansas.................................................................................................. 87
PART 7. GOAL................................................................................................................ 89
24. Moses reflects...................................................................................................... 89
25. Gateway to the east............................................................................................. 92
26. Joshua ................................................................................................................. 95
27. In Illinois........................................................................................................... 100
1. Illinoisans in Alabama
The Illinoisans came into Alabama,1 increased in numbers and grew strong.
The state was covered with them.2
During this time, a new Governor of Alabama was elected.3 He told the citizens, “There are more Illinoisans than us, and they’re stronger than us.4 Let’s deal wisely with them, or they’ll keep overpopulating. Then, they might riot and destroy us.”5
So, the Alabamans put foremen over the Illinoisans. The Illinoisans did backbreaking work, such as construct the Confederate White House and the State Capitol Building in Montgomery, Alabama.6
But the more the Alabamans subjected the Illinoisans, the more Illinoisans multiplied and expanded.7 The Alabamans ruthlessly made the Illinoisans struggle for low wages.8 Illinoisans cleaned up after Alabamans, picked cotton, maintained the public systems, and so forth.9
The Governor spoke to the Illinoisan nurses. Two of them were Shiphrah and Puah.10 He said, “When you help pregnant Illinoisans, and they deliver, if it’s a son, you will exterminate him. If it is a daughter, she will live.”11But the nurses feared God, so they didn’t do what the Governor commanded.12
1 02 Exo 01:01 Now these are the names of the children of Israel, which came into Egypt; every man and his household came with Jacob.
2 02 Exo 01:07 And the children of Israel were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was filled with them.
3 02 Exo 01:08 Now there arose up a new king over Egypt, which knew not Joseph.
4 02 Exo 01:09 And he said unto his people, Behold, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we:
5 02 Exo 01:10 Come on, let us deal wisely with them; lest they multiply, and it come to pass, that, when there falleth out any war, they join also unto our enemies, and fight against us, and so get them up out of the land.
6 02 Exo 01:11 Therefore they did set over them taskmasters to afflict them with their burdens. And they built for Pharaoh treasure cities, Pithom and Raamses.
7 02 Exo 01:12 But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew. And they were grieved because of the children of Israel.
8 02 Exo 01:13 And the Egyptians made the children of Israel to serve with rigour:
9 02 Exo 01:14 And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage, in morter, and in brick, and in all manner of service in the field: all their service, wherein they made them serve, was with rigour.
10 02 Exo 01:15 And the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah:
11 02 Exo 01:16 And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.
12 02 Exo 01:17 But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive.
The nurses replied, “Because Illinoisans aren’t like Alabamans. Illinoisans 14have fast deliveries, and they give birth in their homes before the nurses arrive.”
God looked favorably on the nurses. The Illinoisans multiplied and became even stronger.15 Because the nurses feared God, he let them have husbands and children.16The Governor told all his citizens, “You will eliminate every son of Illinois, and you will let every daughter live.”17
13 02 Exo 01:18 And the king of Egypt called for the midwives, and said unto them, Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men children alive?
14 02 Exo 01:19 And the midwives said unto Pharaoh, Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women; for they are lively, and are delivered ere the midwives come in unto them.
15 02 Exo 01:20 Therefore God dealt well with the midwives: and the people multiplied, and waxed very mighty.
16 02 Exo 01:21 And it came to pass, because the midwives feared God, that he made them houses.
17 02 Exo 01:22 And Pharaoh charged all his people, saying, Every son that is born ye shall cast into the river, and every daughter ye shall save alive.
2. A child is born
One of Levi’s men married Levi’s daughter.1 The woman conceived, and on
January 15, 1929, she gave birth to a son. She saw he was a good baby, so she
concealed him three months.2
When she couldn’t keep hiding the baby, she took a basket and covered it with a blanket. She put the child in the basket, and she left it on the third floor of a private hospital in Montgomery, Alabama (the state capital).3 The baby’s older sister stood far off from the basket in order to see what would happen to her brother.4
That day, the Governor’s daughter went to the hospital’s third floor for a seltzer bath. She saw the basket in the corner and sent her assistant to get it.5 She opened it, saw the baby, and he cried. She had compassion on him and said, “This is a child of Illinois.”6The baby’s sister came up to the Governor’s daughter and said, “Should I ask one of the Illinoisan women to nurse the baby for you?”7 The Governor’s daughter said, “Yes.” The sister found a payphone and called her mother.8 The Governor’s daughter got on the line and said, “Take this child, nurse him for me, and I will pay you.”
The mother took her baby and nursed it.9 The baby became a toddler, and the mother brought him to the Governor’s daughter. He became the Governor’s grandson.The daughter called him Moses, because, she said, “I retrieved him from the hospital.”10
1 02 Exo 02:01 And there went a man of the house of Levi, and took to wife a daughter of Levi.
2 02 Exo 02:02 And the woman conceived, and bare a son: and when she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months.
3 02 Exo 02:03 And when she could not longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river’s brink.
4 02 Exo 02:04 And his sister stood afar off, to wit what would be done to him.
5 02 Exo 02:05 And the daughter of Pharaoh came down to wash herself at the river; and her maidens walked along by the river’s side; and when she saw the ark among the flags, she sent her maid to fetch it.
6 02 Exo 02:06 And when she had opened it, she saw the child: and, behold, the babe wept. And she had compassion on him, and said, This is one of the Hebrews’ children.
7 02 Exo 02:07 Then said his sister to Pharaoh’s daughter, Shall I go and call to thee a nurse of the Hebrew women, that she may nurse the child for thee?
8 02 Exo 02:08 And Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, Go. And the maid went and called the child’s mother.
9 02 Exo 02:09 And Pharaoh’s daughter said unto her, Take this child away, and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages. And the woman took the child, and nursed it.
10 02 Exo 02:10 And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh’s daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses: and she said, Because I drew him out of the water.
The next day, Moses went out to the rail yard again, and two Illinoisan men were punching each other. Moses said to one fellow, “Why are you hitting this man?”13The fellow replied, “Who made you the police over us? Are you going to kill me like you did the Alabaman?” Moses was afraid. He thought, “Everyone knows about this.”14 When the Governor heard about the death, he wanted to murder Moses. So, Moses escaped from Alabama.
He drove to Arizona, and he parked at a service station.15 In Phoenix, Arizona, a broadcaster named Jethro had seven daughters. The daughters came to the service station and began to fill their tanks.16 But there was a gasoline shortage, and the other drivers began to run the daughters off. Moses helped the daughters, and then he filled up their tanks.17When the daughters returned to Phoenix, Jethro asked them, “Why did you come back so soon?”18 They replied, “An Alabaman saved us from those jerk drivers. Then he filled up our tanks and drove us back.”19
11 02 Exo 02:11 And it came to pass in those days, when Moses was grown, that he went out unto his brethren, and looked on their burdens: and he spied an Egyptian smiting an Hebrew, one of his brethren.
12 02 Exo 02:12 And he looked this way and that way, and when he saw that there was no man, he slew the Egyptian, and hid him in the sand.
13 02 Exo 02:13 And when he went out the second day, behold, two men of the Hebrews strove together: and he said to him that did the wrong, Wherefore smitest thou thy fellow?
14 02 Exo 02:14 And he said, Who made thee a prince and a judge over us? intendest thou to kill me, as thou killedst the Egyptian? And Moses feared, and said, Surely this thing is known.
15 02 Exo 02:15 Now when Pharaoh heard this thing, he sought to slay Moses. But Moses fled from the face of Pharaoh, and dwelt in the land of Midian: and he sat down by a well.
16 02 Exo 02:16 Now the priest of Midian had seven daughters: and they came and drew water, and filled the troughs to water their father’s flock.
17 02 Exo 02:17 And the shepherds came and drove them away: but Moses stood up and helped them, and watered their flock.
18 02 Exo 02:18 And when they came to Reuel their father, he said, How is it that ye are come so soon to day?
19 02 Exo 02:19 And they said, An Egyptian delivered us out of the hand of the shepherds, and also drew water enough for us, and watered the flock.
In the following days, the Governor died. Illinoisans cried to God because of the oppression.23 God heard them, and God remembered his agreement with their forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.24 God was worried about the Illinoisans.25
20 02 Exo 02:20 And he said unto his daughters, And where is he? why is it that ye have left the man? call him, that he may eat bread.
21 02 Exo 02:21 And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter.
22 02 Exo 02:22 And she bare him a son, and he called his name Gershom: for he said, I have been a stranger in a strange land.
23 02 Exo 02:23 And it came to pass in process of time, that the king of Egypt died: and the children of Israel sighed by reason of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage.
24 02 Exo 02:24 And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob.
25 02 Exo 02:25 And God looked upon the children of Israel, and God had respect unto them.
Moses was managing a fleet of trucks for Jethro. Moses led the fleet through the desert and came to Las Vegas. In the neon lights downtown, Moses saw the Pioneer Club Casino – and the four stories tall Vegas Vic cowboy neon sign.1 God appeared to Moses as Vic. The sign glowed like fire but didn’t short out.2Moses thought, “I’ll climb the fire escape and see this sign.”3 God stood as Vegas Vic, and he saw Moses climbing the fire escape landing. “Moses! Moses!” the neon cowboy said. Moses replied, “Here I am.”4 God said, “Don’t come close. Take your shoes off, because you are standing in a holy place.5 I am the God of your father, and of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Moses looked down, because he was afraid to see God.6
God said, “I have seen the oppression of my children in Alabama. I have heard their cry because of that government, and I know their sorrows.7 I have come down to deliver them from the Alabamans. I will bring them out of Alabama to a better state – one with the richest soil in the world. This is the state of the Chicagoans, Springfielders, Rockfordites, Altonians, and Penfielders.8 Be with me, and I will send you to the Governor, so you can take my people – the Illinoisans – out of Alabama.”9Moses asked, “Who am I, that I can go to the Governor, and I can take the Illinoisans out of Alabama?”10
1 02 Exo 03:01 Now Moses kept the flock of Jethro his father in law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb.
2 02 Exo 03:02 And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed.
3 02 Exo 03:03 And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.
4 02 Exo 03:04 And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.
5 02 Exo 03:05 And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.
6 02 Exo 03:06 Moreover he said, I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face; for he was afraid to look upon God.
7 02 Exo 03:07 And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;
8 02 Exo 03:08 And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the
9 02 Exo 03:10 Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.
10 02 Exo 03:11 And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?
God replied, “Of course, I will be with you. Vegas Vic will be the sign that I have sent you. When you bring the Illinoisans out of Alabama, you will serve God from this sign.”11
Moses asked, “When I tell the Illinoisans, ‘The God of your forefathers has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ What should I tell them?”12God said, “I am who I am. Tell the Illinoisans this: ‘I am has sent me to you.13 Yahweh, the God of your forefathers, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, has sent me to you.’
“This is my name forever, and this is my memorial to all generations.14 I will bring you out of Alabama to Illinois – a state with large groups of racists – but one that also has the richest soil in the world.15“They will listen to your voice, and you will go – you and the Illinois religious leaders – to the Governor. You will tell him: ‘Yahweh, the God of the Illinoisans, has met with us. Now, please let us drive three days’ journey to Las Vegas, so we can worship.’16
11 02 Exo 03:12 And he said, Certainly I will be with thee; and this shall be a token unto thee, that I have sent thee: When thou hast brought forth the people out of Egypt, ye shall serve God upon this mountain.
12 02 Exo 03:13 And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?
13 02 Exo 03:14 And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.
14 02 Exo 03:15 And God said moreover unto Moses, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, The LORD God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath sent me unto you: this is my name for ever, and this is my memorial unto all
15 02 Exo 03:17 And I have said, I will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt unto the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, unto a land flowing with milk and honey.
16 02 Exo 03:18 And they shall hearken to thy voice: and thou shalt come, thou and the elders of Israel, unto the king of Egypt, and ye shall say unto him, The LORD God of the Hebrews hath met with us: and now let us go, we beseech thee, three days’ journey into the wild
“I know that the Governor won’t give you permission to go.17 So, I will put out my hand and strike Alabama with all my wonders, and after that he will let you go.18 I will give the Illinoisans favor in full view of the Alabamans, and you won’t leave empty-handed.19 Every woman will ask her neighbor for their bank accounts, shares of stock, and gold. You will invest for your sons and daughters. You will take the wealth from the Alabamans.”20Moses replied, “But, the Illinoisans won’t believe me or listen to me. They’ll say, ‘Yahweh hasn’t appeared to you.’”21 God asked him, “What is that in your hand?” Moses replied, “An umbrella.”22 God said, “Throw it on the metal grating.” Moses threw the umbrella down, and it became a machine gun. Moses jumped back from it.23 God said, “Put out your hand, and take the umbrella by the end.” Moses took it, and it became an umbrella in his hand again.24 God said, “With that, they may believe that I appeared to you.25 Now, put your hand inside your jacket.” Moses did so, and when he took it out, his hand was mechanical – like a robot’s.26
17 02 Exo 03:19 And I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not by a mighty hand.
18 02 Exo 03:20 And I will stretch out my hand, and smite Egypt with all my wonders which I will do in the midst thereof: and after that he will let you go.
19 02 Exo 03:21 And I will give this people favour in the sight of the Egyptians: and it shall come to pass, that, when ye go, ye shall not go empty:
20 02 Exo 03:22 But every woman shall borrow of her neighbour, and of her that sojourneth in her house, jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment: and ye shall put them upon your sons, and upon your daughters; and ye shall spoil the Egyptians.
21 02 Exo 04:01 And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.
22 02 Exo 04:02 And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod.
23 02 Exo 04:03 And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it.
24 02 Exo 04:04 And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand:
25 02 Exo 04:05 That they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath appeared unto thee.
26 02 Exo 04:06 And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow.
God said, “If they do not believe you or the first sign, they will believe the second sign.28 If they do not believe even these two signs, or listen to your voice, then you will run a faucet in Alabama. Blood will pour out of it.”29Moses said, “Oh, Lord, I’m not a great speaker. I get tongue-tied.”30
God replied, “Who made man’s mouth? Or who makes someone mute, deaf, seeing, or blind? Don’t I do that?31 Now go, and I will be with you, and I will teach you what you will say.”32Moses asked, “Could you please have someone else do this?”33
God’s anger grew against Moses. God asked, “What about Aaron, your brother, from the Levi side? I know he is a good speaker. Also, when he sees you, he will be happy.34 You will speak to him and give him the words.35 He will be your spokesman, and you will be God to him.36 You will take that umbrella in your hand, and you will do the signs.”37Moses left and drove to Jethro, his father-in-law. Moses said, “I need to return to my brothers and sisters in Alabama, and I’ll see if they’re still alive.”
27 02 Exo 04:07 And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh.
28 02 Exo 04:08 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the first sign, that they will believe the voice of the latter sign.
29 02 Exo 04:09 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe also these two signs, neither hearken unto thy voice, that thou shalt take of the water of the river, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood up
30 02 Exo 04:10 And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.
31 02 Exo 04:11 And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?
32 02 Exo 04:12 Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.
33 02 Exo 04:13 And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.
34 02 Exo 04:14 And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.
35 02 Exo 04:15 And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do.
36 02 Exo 04:16 And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God.
37 02 Exo 04:17 And thou shalt take this rod in thine hand, wherewith thou shalt do signs.
God said to Moses, “When you return to Alabama, go before the Governor and do all the wonders I gave you. But, I will make the Governor stubborn, and he will not let the Illinoisans leave.41 You will tell the Governor:
‘God says Illinois is my son, even my firstborn,42 and I am telling you, “Let my son go, so he can serve me.” And, you have refused to let him go. I will kill your son, your firstborn.’”43At a motel, God met Moses and wanted to kill him.44 Zipporah went to a clinic, had her son inoculated, and threw the needle at Moses’ feet. She said, “We are wedded by blood.”45 So, God let Moses alone.46 God said to Moses’ brother Aaron, “Go into the wilderness and see Moses.” Aaron drove off. He met Moses in Texas and hugged his brother.47 Moses told Aaron all the words of God, and all the signs God gave him.48
38 02 Exo 04:18 And Moses went and returned to Jethro his father in law, and said unto him, Let me go, I pray thee, and return unto my brethren which are in Egypt, and see whether they be yet alive. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace.
39 02 Exo 04:19 And the LORD said unto Moses in Midian, Go, return into Egypt: for all the men are dead which sought thy life.
40 02 Exo 04:20 And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt: and Moses took the rod of God in his hand.
41 02 Exo 04:21 And the LORD said unto Moses, When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go.
42 02 Exo 04:22 And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn:
43 02 Exo 04:23 And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn.
44 02 Exo 04:24 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him. 45 02 Exo 04:25 Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.
46 02 Exo 04:26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision. 47 02 Exo 04:27 And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went, and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him.
Moses and Aaron drove to Alabama and gathered all the Illinoisan religious leaders.49 Aaron spoke the words God said to Moses, and he did the signs in front of the Illinoisans.50 The Illinoisans believed. When they heard God had visited Illinoisans, and God cared about their affliction, they bowed their heads and worshipped. They also stopped working for the Governor.51
48 02 Exo 04:28 And Moses told Aaron all the words of the LORD who had sent him, and all the signs which he had commanded him.
49 02 Exo 04:29 And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Israel:
50 02 Exo 04:30 And Aaron spake all the words which the LORD had spoken unto Moses, and did the signs in the sight of the people.
51 02 Exo 04:31 And the people believed: and when they heard that the LORD had visited the children of Israel, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped.
4. Moses and Aaron meet the Governor Later, Moses and Aaron said to the Governor, “Yahweh, the God of Illinois, says: ‘Let my people go, so they can have a celebration for me in Las Vegas.’”1 The Governor replied, “Who is Yahweh, that I should obey him? I don’t know Yahweh, and I won’t let the Illinoisans leave.”2 They said, “Our God has met with us. Please let us drive three days to Nevada, so we can worship Yahweh, our God, or he’ll kill us.”3
The Governor said to them, “The Illinoisans are now sitting around. Why do 4you, Moses and Aaron, take the workers from their labor? Get them going again! There are thousands of Illinoisan workers, and thanks to you they’re all sleeping at their shovels.”5
The same day the Governor commanded his foremen, and other Illinois religious leaders, saying,6 “You will no longer give the Illinoisans tools and supplies. Let them do their work with their hands.7 They’ll lay the same amount of road and pick the same amount of cotton. They will do nothing less, because they’re lazy. So they cry, saying, ‘Let us go and worship our God.’8 Also, put more work on the men. Let’s not give them time to obey these lies from Moses.”9
1 02 Exo 05:01 And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Let my people go, that they may hold a feast unto me in the wilderness.
2 02 Exo 05:02 And Pharaoh said, Who is the LORD, that I should obey his voice to let Israel go? I know not the LORD, neither will I let Israel go.
3 02 Exo 05:03 And they said, The God of the Hebrews hath met with us: let us go, we pray thee, three days’ journey into the desert, and sacrifice unto the LORD our God; lest he fall upon us with pestilence, or with the sword.
4 02 Exo 05:04 And the king of Egypt said unto them, Wherefore do ye, Moses and Aaron, let the people from their works? get you unto your burdens.
5 02 Exo 05:05 And Pharaoh said, Behold, the people of the land now are many, and ye make them rest from their burdens.
6 02 Exo 05:06 And Pharaoh commanded the same day the taskmasters of the people, and their officers, saying,
7 02 Exo 05:07 Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as heretofore: let them go and gather straw for themselves.
8 02 Exo 05:08 And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, ye shall lay upon them; ye shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to our God.
9 02 Exo 05:09 Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words.
The foremen and the Illinoisan religious leaders went on the evening news and read a statement from the Governor: “I will not give you Illinoisans anything.10 You should get supplies, tools and vehicles wherever you can, because you will do the same amount of work.”11
So, the Illinoisans went everywhere in Alabama to gather what they could.12 The foremen were insistent, saying, “Drive the same amount of passengers as when you had buses.”13The Governor’s foremen beat the Illinoisan religious leaders, demanding, “Why aren’t your people doing enough?”14
The religious leaders cried to the Governor, “Why are you treating us this way?15 Nothing is given to us, and you tell us, ‘Build, haul, and carry!’ We’re beaten, and we blame your foremen.”16
The Governor said, “You’re lazy! Lazy! You say, ‘Let us go and worship Yahweh.’17 Go and work, because no tools or vehicles will be given to you, but you’ll deliver the same as before.”18
The Illinoisan leaders recognized that they were in a bad situation.19 They left the Governor and ran into Moses and Aaron.20 The leaders said, “We hope Yahweh looks at you and judges you, because you made us stink in the nose of the Governor and his foremen. You gave them guns to kill us.”21
10 02 Exo 05:10 And the taskmasters of the people went out, and their officers, and they spake to the people, saying, Thus saith Pharaoh, I will not give you straw.
1102 Exo 05:11 Go ye, get you straw where ye can find it: yet not ought of your work shall be diminished.
12 02 Exo 05:12 So the people were scattered abroad throughout all the land of Egypt to gather stubble instead of straw.
13 02 Exo 05:13 And the taskmasters hasted them, saying, Fulfil your works, your daily tasks, as when there was straw.
14 02 Exo 05:14 And the officers of the children of Israel, which Pharaoh’s taskmasters had set over them, were beaten, and demanded, Wherefore have ye not fulfilled your task in making brick both yesterday and to day, as heretofore?
15 02 Exo 05:15 Then the officers of the children of Israel came and cried unto Pharaoh, saying, Wherefore dealest thou thus with thy servants?
16 02 Exo 05:16 There is no straw given unto thy servants, and they say to us, Make brick: and, behold, thy servants are beaten; but the fault is in thine own people.
17 02 Exo 05:17 But he said, Ye are idle, ye are idle: therefore ye say, Let us go and do sacrifice to the LORD.
18 02 Exo 05:18 Go therefore now, and work; for there shall no straw be given you, yet shall ye deliver the tale of bricks.
19 02 Exo 05:19 And the officers of the children of Israel did see that they were in evil case, after it was said, Ye shall not minish ought from your bricks of your daily task.
20 02 Exo 05:20 And they met Moses and Aaron, who stood in the way, as they came forth from Pharaoh:
21 02 Exo 05:21 And they said unto them, The LORD look upon you, and judge; because ye have made our savour to be abhorred in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of his servants, to put a sword in their hand to slay us.
Moses returned to God and asked, “Lord, why have you brought such problems on these people? Why did you send me?22 And, you haven’t rescued a single person.”23God replied, “Now you will see what I will do to the Governor. A strong hand will force him to let the Illinoisans leave.”24 Moses told this to the Illinoisans, but they didn’t pay attention to him.25 God said to Moses,26 “Go in and speak to the Governor, so he will let the Illinoisans leave his state.”27
When Moses and Aaron spoke to the Governor, it was December 1, 1955. Moses was 26 years old, and Aaron was 29.28 Aaron put the umbrella before the Governor and his staff, and it became a machine gun.29
The Governor called in a state highway police officer.30 The officer showed a machine gun disguised as an umbrella. Suddenly, Aaron’s machine gun fired repeatedly at the officer’s gun and destroyed it.31 Still, the Governor was made stubborn, and he didn’t listen – just as God predicted.32
22 02 Exo 05:22 And Moses returned unto the LORD, and said, Lord, wherefore hast thou so evil entreated this people? why is it that thou hast sent me?
23 02 Exo 05:23 For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in thy name, he hath done evil to this people; neither hast thou delivered thy people at all.
24 02 Exo 06:01 Then the LORD said unto Moses, Now shalt thou see what I will do to Pharaoh: for with a strong hand shall he let them go, and with a strong hand shall he drive them out of his land.
25 02 Exo 06:09 And Moses spake so unto the children of Israel: but they hearkened not unto Moses for anguish of spirit, and for cruel bondage.
26 02 Exo 06:10 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
27 02 Exo 06:11 Go in, speak unto Pharaoh king of Egypt, that he let the children of Israel go out of his land.
28 02 Exo 07:07 And Moses was fourscore years old, and Aaron fourscore and three years old, when they spake unto Pharaoh.
29 02 Exo 07:10 And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.
30 02 Exo 07:11 Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.
31 02 Exo 07:12 For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron’s rod swallowed up their rods.
32 02 Exo 07:13 And he hardened Pharaoh’s heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
God said to Moses,33 “In the morning, take your umbrella and go to the Governor. Meet him in his bathroom as he is shaving.34 Hit your umbrella against the plumbing, and the water will become blood.35 The fish in the Alabama River will die, the state’s water system will break down, and even their soft drink cans will be filled with blood.36
“Tell Aaron, ‘Take your umbrella, and stretch out your hand over the waters of Alabama, over the rivers, grocery stores, swimming pools, and taverns, so they only hold blood. There will be blood throughout Alabama – and in every delivery truck coming into the state.”37
Moses and Aaron did as God commanded. Moses surprised the Governor in the bathroom and struck the pipes. In the sight of the Governor, the blood ran hot and cold.38 It became every normal liquid the Alabamans were going to drink.39But, Alabama chemists imitated this water-to-blood action for the Governor. This made him stubborn – as God had predicted.40 All the Alabamans drank the contents of mustard jars and soup cans, because they couldn’t drink anything else.41 This lasted for seven days.42
God instructed Moses to tell the Governor, “Yahweh says: ‘Let my people go.43 If you refuse, I will break all the springs in your machines.44 The springs will leap from everywhere and bring your mechanisms to a standstill.45 Your mattresses will spring all over you.’”46
33 02 Exo 07:14 And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh’s heart is hardened, he refuseth to let the people go.
34 02 Exo 07:15 Get thee unto Pharaoh in the morning; lo, he goeth out unto the water; and thou shalt stand by the river’s brink against he come; and the rod which was turned to a serpent shalt thou take in thine hand.
35 02 Exo 07:17 Thus saith the LORD, In this thou shalt know that I am the LORD: behold, I will smite with the rod that is in mine hand upon the waters which are in the river, and they shall be turned to blood.
36 02 Exo 07:18 And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river.
37 02 Exo 07:19 And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Egypt, upon their streams, upon their rivers, and upon their ponds, and upon all their pools of water, that they may become blood; and that there may be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, both in vessels of wood, and in vessels of stone.
38 02 Exo 07:20 And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded; and he lifted up the rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants; and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.
39 02 Exo 07:21 And the fish that was in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.
40 02 Exo 07:22 And the magicians of Egypt did so with their enchantments: and Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, neither did he hearken unto them; as the LORD had said.
41 02 Exo 07:24 And all the Egyptians digged round about the river for water to drink; for they could not drink of the water of the river.
42 02 Exo 07:25 And seven days were fulfilled, after that the LORD had smitten the river.
God said to Moses, “Tell Aaron, ‘Stretch out your hand with the umbrella over the factories, and cause the springs to break loose from the machines.’”47 Aaron did so.48But, the state engineers showed the Governor how it was done.49 The Governor called for Moses and Aaron and said, “Plead to Yahweh that he fixes our springs, and I will let the people leave, so they can worship him.”50 Moses said to the Governor, “You set the time that I should pray for you and for your staff – so the springs are put back in place.”51 He said, “Tomorrow.” Moses replied, “All right. This way you’ll know there’s no one like our God Yahweh.52
43 02 Exo 08:01 And the LORD spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
44 02 Exo 08:02 And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with frogs:
45 02 Exo 08:03 And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneadingtroughs:
46 02 Exo 08:04 And the frogs shall come up both on thee, and upon thy people, and upon all thy servants.
47 02 Exo 08:05 And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the streams, over the rivers, and over the ponds, and cause frogs to come up upon the land of Egypt.
48 02 Exo 08:06 And Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frogs came up, and covered the land of Egypt.
49 02 Exo 08:07 And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt.
50 02 Exo 08:08 Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, Intreat the LORD, that he may take away the frogs from me, and from my people; and I will let the people go, that they may do sacrifice unto the LORD.
51 02 Exo 08:09 And Moses said unto Pharaoh, Glory over me: when shall I intreat for thee, and for thy servants, and for thy people, to destroy the frogs from thee and thy houses, that they may remain in the river only?
52 02 Exo 08:10 And he said, To morrow. And he said, Be it according to thy word: that thou mayest know that there is none like unto the LORD our God.
Moses and Aaron left the Governor, and Moses asked God about the springs.53 God acted according to Moses’ wishes, and the springs returned to the motors, elevators, and machines.54 But once the Governor saw things back to normal he broke his promise.55
God said to Moses, “Tell Aaron, ‘Go to the largest supermarket. Stretch out your umbrella before the shampoo bottles, so the Alabamans’ hair will be destroyed.’”56
Aaron did so. There was total hair fallout on Alabama’s men, women and animals.57 Health Department officials tried to emulate this problem, but they couldn’t.58The officials said to the Governor, “This is an act of God.” Still, the Governor wouldn’t listen.59 God said to Moses, “Rise up early in the morning and meet the Governor. Tell him, ‘Yahweh says:
“Let my people go,60 or I will send waves of choking air pollution on you, your staff, and your people.61 I will set aside the Centennial Hill part of Montgomery, where my people live. No pollution will be there. This way, you will know that he is Yahweh.62 Tomorrow, I will put a division between my people and your people.”‘”63
53 02 Exo 08:12 And Moses and Aaron went out from Pharaoh: and Moses cried unto the LORD because of the frogs which he had brought against Pharaoh.
54 02 Exo 08:13 And the LORD did according to the word of Moses; and the frogs died out of the houses, out of the villages, and out of the fields.
55 02 Exo 08:15 But when Pharaoh saw that there was respite, he hardened his heart, and hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
56 02 Exo 08:16 And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
57 02 Exo 08:17 And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; all the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
58 02 Exo 08:18 And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth lice, but they could not: so there were lice upon man, and upon beast.
59 02 Exo 08:19 Then the magicians said unto Pharaoh, This is the finger of God: and Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
60 02 Exo 08:20 And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh; lo, he cometh forth to the water; and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
61 02 Exo 08:21 Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground whereon they are.
62 02 Exo 08:22 And I will sever in that day the land of Goshen, in which my people dwell, that no swarms of flies shall be there; to the end thou mayest know that I am the LORD in the midst of the earth.
63 02 Exo 08:23 And I will put a division between my people and thy people: to morrow shall this sign be.
Moses said, “We can’t, because the Alabamans will see us worshiping and shoot us dead.66 We need to drive three days to Las Vegas, and we will worship Yahweh there – as he commands us.”67The Governor said, “I will let you go there – just don’t go any farther away. Pray for me.”68 Moses said, “I will pray to Yahweh that the air becomes clean again. But, you have to stop fooling us.”69 Again, the Governor broke his promise.70 Yahweh said, “Tell the Governor, ‘Yahweh says:
“I will put my hand in your grocery stores and on the food, and I will spoil all of it.71 I will differentiate between the stores for Alabamans and the stores in Centennial Hill. Everything for the Illinoisans will remain fresh.”‘”72
God did this on the following day. All the Alabama food became rancid, and everything for the Illinoisans stayed fine.73 But again, the Governor wouldn’t let the Illinoisans leave.74
64 02 Exo 08:24 And the LORD did so; and there came a grievous swarm of flies into the house of Pharaoh, and into his servants’ houses, and into all the land of Egypt: the land was corrupted by reason of the swarm of flies.
65 02 Exo 08:25 And Pharaoh called for Moses and for Aaron, and said, Go ye, sacrifice to your God in the land.
66 02 Exo 08:26 And Moses said, It is not meet so to do; for we shall sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians to the LORD our God: lo, shall we sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians before their eyes, and will they not stone us?
67 02 Exo 08:27 We will go three days’ journey into the wilderness, and sacrifice to the LORD our God, as he shall command us.
68 02 Exo 08:28 And Pharaoh said, I will let you go, that ye may sacrifice to the LORD your God in the wilderness; only ye shall not go very far away: intreat for me.
69 02 Exo 08:29 And Moses said, Behold, I go out from thee, and I will intreat the LORD that the swarms of flies may depart from Pharaoh, from his servants, and from his people, to morrow: but let not Pharaoh deal deceitfully any more in not letting the people go to sacrifice to the LORD.
70 02 Exo 08:32 And Pharaoh hardened his heart at this time also, neither would he let the people go. 71 02 Exo 09:03 Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain. 72 02 Exo 09:04 And the LORD shall sever between the cattle of Israel and the cattle of Egypt: and there shall nothing die of all that is the children’s of Israel.
God said to Moses and to Aaron, “Take handfuls of sugar, and let Moses throw them toward the sky in the sight of the Governor.75 It will become a small dust over Alabama, and all the Alabama men, women and animals will become grossly obese.”76
Moses did so.77 The Alabama Health Department officials didn’t meet with Moses because they couldn’t leave their beds – they were so huge.78 But again, the Governor wouldn’t listen.79God said to Moses, “Rise up early in the morning. Stand before the Governor, and tell him, ‘Yahweh says:
“Let my people go.80 Or else, tomorrow, about this time, I send all your vehicles out of control, and they will smash into each other.81 You should order all cars and trucks to be placed in garages, because vehicles on the street will be hit.”‘”82Those among the Governor’s staff who feared God parked their vehicles in any indoor space.83 Those who didn’t regard God left their cars outside.84 God said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand toward a collection of car dealerships, and there will be no brakes or steering in all of Alabama.”85
73 02 Exo 09:06 And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died: but of the cattle of the children of Israel died not one.
74 02 Exo 09:07 And Pharaoh sent, and, behold, there was not one of the cattle of the Israelites dead. And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, and he did not let the people go.
75 02 Exo 09:08 And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.
76 02 Exo 09:09 And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.
77 02 Exo 09:10 And they took ashes of the furnace, and stood before Pharaoh; and Moses sprinkled it up toward heaven; and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast.
78 02 Exo 09:11 And the magicians could not stand before Moses because of the boils; for the boil was upon the magicians, and upon all the Egyptians.
79 02 Exo 09:12 And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.
80 02 Exo 09:13 And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me.
81 02 Exo 09:18 Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain a very grievous hail, such as hath not been in Egypt since the foundation thereof even until now.
82 02 Exo 09:19 Send therefore now, and gather thy cattle, and all that thou hast in the field; for upon every man and beast which shall be found in the field, and shall not be brought home, the hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die.
83 02 Exo 09:20 He that feared the word of the LORD among the servants of Pharaoh made his servants and his cattle flee into the houses:
84 02 Exo 09:21 And he that regarded not the word of the LORD left his servants and his cattle in the field.
85 02 Exo 09:22 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be hail in all the land of Egypt, upon man, and upon beast, and upon every herb of the field, throughout the land of Egypt.
Moses did so, and God sent mechanical failures throughout all vehicles in the streets.86 There were major pileups – the worst in Alabama’s history.87 Cars and trucks were on their sides, in the fields, and on top of each other.88 But, in Centennial Hill, there was safe driving.89
The Governor said to Moses and Aaron, “Yahweh is right. My people and I are evil.90 Ask Yahweh for help, because we have to get our vehicles back on the road. Then, I will let you go.”91
Moses replied, “As soon as I leave this city, I’ll spread my hands to Yahweh. The vehicles will be repaired. This way, you’ll know the earth belongs to Yahweh.92 But, I know that you and your staff don’t fear God yet.”93Moses did as he said, and all the vehicles righted themselves.94 But again, the Governor broke his promise.95 Moses and Aaron said to the Governor, “Yahweh says:
‘Let my people go.96 Or else, tomorrow, all your speakers – for phonographs, radios and televisions – will screech at full volume.97 The sound will cover Alabama, and no one will hear anything else.’”98
Moses turned and left.99
86 02 Exo 09:23 And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the LORD sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the LORD rained hail upon the land of Egypt.
87 02 Exo 09:24 So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.
88 02 Exo 09:25 And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast; and the hail smote every herb of the field, and brake every tree of the field.
89 02 Exo 09:26 Only in the land of Goshen, where the children of Israel were, was there no hail.
90 02 Exo 09:27 And Pharaoh sent, and called for Moses and Aaron, and said unto them, I have sinned this time: the LORD is righteous, and I and my people are wicked.
91 02 Exo 09:28 Intreat the LORD (for it is enough) that there be no more mighty thunderings and hail; and I will let you go, and ye shall stay no longer.
92 02 Exo 09:29 And Moses said unto him, As soon as I am gone out of the city, I will spread abroad my hands unto the LORD; and the thunder shall cease, neither shall there be any more hail; that thou mayest know how that the earth is the LORD’s.
93 02 Exo 09:30 But as for thee and thy servants, I know that ye will not yet fear the LORD God.
94 02 Exo 09:33 And Moses went out of the city from Pharaoh, and spread abroad his hands unto the LORD: and the thunders and hail ceased, and the rain was not poured upon the earth.
95 02 Exo 09:34 And when Pharaoh saw that the rain and the hail and the thunders were ceased, he sinned yet more, and hardened his heart, he and his servants.
96 02 Exo 10:03 And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may serve me.
97 02 Exo 10:04 Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:
98 02 Exo 10:05 And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:
The Governor replied, “You’ll need Yahweh now, because you aren’t leaving with your children. You and Aaron are the faces of evil!103 I say: The men can leave, but that’s all!” He slammed down the phone.104
God told Moses, “Put your hand over a radio, so a screeching sound will cover Alabama – even coming from the car radios – and this will harm every eardrum in the state.”105
Moses stretched his umbrella over a radio, and God produced this terrible amplified “screeeeee” sound day and night.106 The sound went everywhere but stopped at the state line.107 There was never a moment’s silence.108
99 02 Exo 10:06 And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers’ fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.
100 02 Exo 10:07 And Pharaoh’s servants said unto him, How long shall this man be a snare unto us? let the men go, that they may serve the LORD their God: knowest thou not yet that Egypt is destroyed? 101 02 Exo 10:08 And Moses and Aaron were brought again unto Pharaoh: and he said unto them, Go, serve the LORD your God: but who are they that shall go?
102 02 Exo 10:09 And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our herds will we go; for we must hold a feast unto the LORD. 103 02 Exo 10:10 And he said unto them, Let the LORD be so with you, as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; for evil is before you.
104 02 Exo 10:11 Not so: go now ye that are men, and serve the LORD; for that ye did desire. And they were driven out from Pharaoh’s presence.
105 02 Exo 10:12 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.
106 02 Exo 10:13 And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.
107 02 Exo 10:14 And the locusts went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such. 108 02 Exo 10:15 For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.
The Governor said to Moses and Aaron: “I’ve sinned against Yahweh and you.109 Please forgive me again, and pray to Yahweh that he may take this horrible sound from me.”110
Moses left the Governor and prayed.111 God turned the volume down, and there was quiet in all of Alabama.112 But God made the Governor stubborn, and he didn’t let the Illinoisans go.113God said to Moses, “Strike a newspaper to the ground, so there will be ignorance over Alabama.”114
Moses did so, and for three days there was a total collapse of information sources – no medical records, newspapers, handwriting. It was all gone and impossible to create.115 The Alabamans could not function for those three days, but the Illinoisans had all the information they needed.116The Governor summoned Moses and said, “Leave Alabama, but keep your vehicles and possessions here. Your little ones can go with you.”117
Moses said, “No. What’s more, you will give us gifts that we can offer to Yahweh.118 Also, our vehicles will go with us. There won’t be a tire left behind, because we’ll need everything to serve Yahweh. There are things we won’t know until we get there.”119
109 02 Exo 10:16 Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the LORD your God, and against you.
110 02 Exo 10:17 Now therefore forgive, I pray thee, my sin only this once, and intreat the LORD your God, that he may take away from me this death only.
111 02 Exo 10:18 And he went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.
112 02 Exo 10:19 And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.
113 02 Exo 10:20 But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.
114 02 Exo 10:21 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.
115 02 Exo 10:22 And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:
116 02 Exo 10:23 They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.
117 02 Exo 10:24 And Pharaoh called unto Moses, and said, Go ye, serve the LORD; only let your flocks and your herds be stayed: let your little ones also go with you.
118 02 Exo 10:25 And Moses said, Thou must give us also sacrifices and burnt offerings, that we may sacrifice unto the LORD our God.
119 02 Exo 10:26 Our cattle also shall go with us; there shall not an hoof be left behind; for thereof must we take to serve the LORD our God; and we know not with what we must serve the LORD, until we come thither.
But God made the Governor stubborn, and he wouldn’t let them go.120 The Governor said, “Get out of my sight! Be careful to not see my face anymore, because the day you do, you’ll die.”121Moses replied, “You said it right. I’ll never see your face again.”122
120 02 Exo 10:27 But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and he would not let them go.
121 02 Exo 10:28 And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.
122 02 Exo 10:29 And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.
5. The firstborn
God said to Moses, “I will bring one more plague on the Governor and
Alabama. Afterwards, he will let you go. When he does, he will certainly throw
you out all together.1 Tell the Illinoisans to ask their Alabama neighbors for their
bank accounts, shares of stock, and best vehicles – especially RVs (Recreational
‘On an upcoming midnight I will go out into the midst of Alabama,4 and all the firstborn in Alabama will overdose on drugs and die, from the firstborn of the Governor in the mansion, to the firstborn of the factory worker.5 There will be tremendous anguish in Alabama, worse than there ever was before or will be.6 But the Illinoisans will be healthier than ever, so you’ll know I make a distinction between Alabamans and Illinoisans.7 Your entire staff will bow down to me, saying, “Leave, and take all the people who follow you.” After that, I will leave.’” Moses angrily hung up the phone.8God said to Moses, “The Governor won’t listen to you, so my powers will be even more awesome.9 This month will be the beginning.10 Tell everyone:
1 02 Exo 11:01 And the LORD said unto Moses, Yet will I bring one plague more upon Pharaoh, and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go hence: when he shall let you go, he shall surely thrust you out hence altogether.
2 02 Exo 11:02 Speak now in the ears of the people, and let every man borrow of his neighbour, and every woman of her neighbour, jewels of silver, and jewels of gold.
3 02 Exo 11:03 And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians. Moreover the man Moses was very great in the land of Egypt, in the sight of Pharaoh’s servants, and in the sight of the people. 4 02 Exo 11:04 And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt:
5 02 Exo 11:05 And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.
6 02 Exo 11:06 And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it any more.
7 02 Exo 11:07 But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel. 8 02 Exo 11:08 And all these thy servants shall come down unto me, and bow down themselves unto me, saying, Get thee out, and all the people that follow thee: and after that I will go out. And he went out from Pharaoh in a great anger.
9 02 Exo 11:09 And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you; that my wonders may be multiplied in the land of Egypt.
10 02 Exo 12:02 This month shall be unto you the beginning of months: it shall be the first month of the year to you.
“I will go through Alabama that night, and I will cause all the firstborn to overdose by their own brain chemicals. I will execute judgment against all the gods of Alabama.14 The bottles will be a sign on the houses where you are: When I see the bottles, I will retain the health there.15
“This day will be a memorial for you. You, and future generations, will keep it as a celebration to me.16 For seven days will you eat canned food. Even on the first day you will not use your ovens, because you must prepare for the journey. So, whoever eats refrigerated food from the first day until the seventh day, that person will be cut off from the Illinoisans.17 You will eat nothing refrigerated. Wherever you stay, you will eat from cans.’”18
At midnight, God caused all of Alabama’s firstborn to overdose and die.19 The Governor rose up in the night, and so did all his staff, and so did all the Alabamans. There was a great cry in the state, because in every home someone overdosed.20
The Governor phoned Moses and said, “Wake up. Get out of my state, you and the Illinoisans. Leave – go and serve Yahweh, as you said.21 Take all your vehicles and be gone. Also, bless me!”22
11 02 Exo 12:03 Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house:
12 02 Exo 12:07 And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.
13 02 Exo 12:11 And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD’s passover.
14 02 Exo 12:12 For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD.
15 02 Exo 12:13 And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt.
16 02 Exo 12:14 And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the LORD throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance for ever.
17 02 Exo 12:15 Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; even the first day ye shall put away leaven out of your houses: for whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.
18 02 Exo 12:20 Ye shall eat nothing leavened; in all your habitations shall ye eat unleavened bread.
19 02 Exo 12:29 And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.
20 02 Exo 12:30 And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.
21 02 Exo 12:31 And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.
22 02 Exo 12:32 Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.
The Illinoisans took along their canned food.24 Following the word of Moses, the Illinoisans asked the Alabamans for their riches,25 and the Alabamans let them have everything.26
The Illinoisans drove in every kind of vehicle from Montgomery, Alabama northwest to Birmingham, Alabama (where African American Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat and propelled the civil rights movement). The count of Illinoisans included about 60,000 people.27 They took ever kind of vehicle and possession.28 Also, they took canned food out of Alabama, because there was no easy way to refrigerate.29
23 02 Exo 12:33 And the Egyptians were urgent upon the people, that they might send them out of the land in haste; for they said, We be all dead men.
24 02 Exo 12:34 And the people took their dough before it was leavened, their kneadingtroughs being bound up in their clothes upon their shoulders.
25 02 Exo 12:35 And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:
26 02 Exo 12:36 And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians.
27 02 Exo 12:37 And the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children.
28 02 Exo 12:38 And a mixed multitude went up also with them; and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle.
29 02 Exo 12:39 And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought forth out of Egypt, for it was not leavened; because they were thrust out of Egypt, and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any victual.
6. At the Mississippi River
God didn’t lead the Illinoisans northwest to Tupelo, Mississippi (birthplace of
Elvis Presley), although that was more direct. The reason: God said, “The
Illinoisans might change their minds when they see the Tupelo police force, and 2they will return to Alabama.”1 Instead, God pointed the Illinoisans straight west.
They traveled west from Birmingham and camped near the small towns along the Mississippi River.4 Each day and night, God walked in front of them as the four stories tall Vegas Vic. Vic’s neon colors were so bright the Illinoisans could travel easily at night.5
God said to Moses,6 “Tell the Illinoisans to make camp south of Memphis, Tennessee, on the east shore of the Mississippi – where there are no bridges to cross.7
“The Governor will say, ‘The Illinoisans are trapped!’8 I will make the Governor angry, and he will send his state police in. And, I will be honored by the Governor and his police. The Alabamans will know that I am Yahweh.”9
After the Illinoisans left, the heart of the Governor and his staff changed toward the Illinoisans. Alabamans asked, “Why did we let them stop serving us?”10
1 02 Exo 13:17 And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt:
2 02 Exo 13:18 But God led the people about, through the way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up harnessed out of the land of Egypt.
3 02 Exo 13:19 And Moses took the bones of Joseph with him: for he had straitly sworn the children of Israel, saying, God will surely visit you; and ye shall carry up my bones away hence with you. 4 02 Exo 13:20 And they took their journey from Succoth, and encamped in Etham, in the edge of the wilderness.
5 02 Exo 13:21 And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:
6 02 Exo 14:01 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
7 02 Exo 14:02 Speak unto the children of Israel, that they turn and encamp before Pi-hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, over against Baal-zephon: before it shall ye encamp by the sea.
8 02 Exo 14:03 For Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel, They are entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut them in.
9 02 Exo 14:04 And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. And they did so. 10 02 Exo 14:05 And it was told the king of Egypt that the people fled: and the heart of Pharaoh and of his servants was turned against the people, and they said, Why have we done this, that we have let Israel go from serving us?
The Governor got into his limousine and led the state police in pursuit of Moses.11 There were 60 police cruisers, and with them were sheriffs from all over Alabama.12 The Alabamans parked by the Mississippi – south of Memphis, Tennessee.13 When the Governor drew near, the Illinoisans looked up, and they were afraid.
The Illinoisans cried to God14 and Moses, asking, “Why didn’t you let us get buried in Alabama? Why did you bring us out here?15 We begged you to leave us in Alabama so we could serve the Alabamans.”16Moses said, “Don’t be afraid. Stand still, and watch Yahweh save us. The Alabamans you see now you will never see again.17 Yahweh will fight for you.”18
God said to Moses, “Why are you crying to me? Tell the Illinoisans to go forward.19 Lift up your umbrella, stretch out your hand over the Mississippi River, and divide it. The Illinoisans will drive through the river bed on dry ground.20 I will make the Alabamans angry, and they will come after you.21
Vic walked behind the Illinoisans22 and stood – blocking the Alabama police.23 Moses stretched out his hand over the Mississippi. All night long, God caused the river to pull back by a strong east wind, and the waters divided.24
11 02 Exo 14:06 And he made ready his chariot, and took his people with him:
12 02 Exo 14:07 And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt, and captains over every one of them.
13 02 Exo 14:09 But the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea, beside Pi-hahiroth, before Baal-zephon.
14 02 Exo 14:10 And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD.
15 02 Exo 14:11 And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?
16 02 Exo 14:12 Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.
17 02 Exo 14:13 And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.
18 02 Exo 14:14 The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
19 02 Exo 14:15 And the LORD said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:
20 02 Exo 14:16 But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea.
21 02 Exo 14:17 And I, behold, I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them: and I will get me honour upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.
22 02 Exo 14:19 And the angel of God, which went before the camp of Israel, removed and went behind them; and the pillar of the cloud went from before their face, and stood behind them:
23 02 Exo 14:20 And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night.
The Illinoisans drove their vehicles onto the river bed, and the water formed walls on their right and left.25 The Governor’s police cars tried to go in after the Illinoisans.26 Vic knocked their vehicles around, and they drove into each other.The cops said over their police radios, “Let’s get out of here – Yahweh is fighting for them!”27 God told Moses, “Stretch out your hand over the river and the waters will collapse on the Alabamans.”28
Moses did so, and the waters began rushing again. The Alabamans attempted to escape, but God crushed them under the current.29 The waters returned and covered all the police cars and officers. No one on the Governor’s police force remained alive.30
So, on this day, God saved Illinois from the Alabamans. The Illinoisans saw dead Alabamans on the river banks down stream.31 Moses and the Illinoisans sang this song to God:
Victory belongs to the great Yahweh The police are sunk in the river32 Yahweh is the one and the only way Illinoisans are with this giver
Yahweh is the only one we worship The God of our fathers that we praise33 He fought a huge battle while on this trip Keep the name of Yahweh and his ways34
24 02 Exo 14:21 And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.
25 02 Exo 14:22 And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
26 02 Exo 14:23 And the Egyptians pursued, and went in after them to the midst of the sea, even all Pharaoh’s horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.
27 02 Exo 14:25 And took off their chariot wheels, that they drave them heavily: so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel; for the LORD fighteth for them against the Egyptians.
28 02 Exo 14:26 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.
29 02 Exo 14:27 And Moses stretched forth his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to his strength when the morning appeared; and the Egyptians fled against it; and the LORD overthrew the Egyptians in the midst of the sea.
30 02 Exo 14:28 And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.
31 02 Exo 14:30 Thus the LORD saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore.
32 02 Exo 15:01 Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song unto the LORD, and spake, saying, I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.
33 02 Exo 15:02 The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father’s God, and I will exalt him.
He threw them into the muddy waters They are under the Mississippi35 In the cold river they are squatters For the police it is so nippy36
Yahweh’s right hand is packed full of power His right is a mighty knockout punch37 Over the defeated men he towers
He stepped in and they endured his crunch38
He turned on his fan and made river walls The mud bottom became our highway39 When the enemy went to sound their calls Yahweh said, “They will see it my way”40
Moses led the Illinoisans onward from the Mississippi. They drove west through the Ozark Mountains in Arkansas. They traveled for 30 hours and no restaurant would serve them drinks.41 Finally, they came to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and Route 66 (the historic southwest US interstate highway between Los Angeles, California and Chicago, Illinois). They couldn’t get one drink from the town, because the government imposed the Jim Crow discrimination laws.42The Illinoisans grew angry with Moses, asking, “What can we drink?”43 Moses asked God for help. God showed Moses a truck full of soft drink bottles. They tasted the soda, and it was sweet.44
34 02 Exo 15:03 The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name.
35 02 Exo 15:04 Pharaoh’s chariots and his host hath he cast into the sea: his chosen captains also are drowned in the Red sea.
36 02 Exo 15:05 The depths have covered them: they sank into the bottom as a stone.
37 02 Exo 15:06 Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.
38 02 Exo 15:07 And in the greatness of thine excellency thou hast overthrown them that rose up against thee: thou sentest forth thy wrath, which consumed them as stubble.
39 02 Exo 15:08 And with the blast of thy nostrils the waters were gathered together, the floods stood upright as an heap, and the depths were congealed in the heart of the sea.
40 02 Exo 15:09 The enemy said, I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.
41 02 Exo 15:22 So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water.
42 02 Exo 15:23 And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.
43 02 Exo 15:24 And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?
They drove on Route 66 west to Amarillo, Texas, where there were twelve drinking fountains and seventy motel rooms. They encamped there by West Amarillo Creek.45
44 02 Exo 15:25 And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,
45 02 Exo 15:27 And they came to Elim, where were twelve wells of water, and threescore and ten palm trees: and they encamped there by the waters.
The Illinoisans complained to Moses and Aaron,2 “It would’ve been better if Yahweh killed us in Alabama, because then we had steaks and hamburgers. Now, you have us in the middle of nowhere, and we’ll die of hunger.”3
Then God said to Moses, “I will open Manna’s Restaurants for you – they are all along Route 66 – and your people will eat there once a day. But, I am testing them. I want to see if they are with me or not.4 On the sixth day they can eat twice as much – but no eating on the seventh day.”5
Moses and Aaron said to all the Illinoisans, “This night, you will know Yahweh brought you out of Alabama.6 In the morning, you will see the glory of Yahweh, because he hears your complaints against him.7 In the evening, Yahweh will give you hamburgers to eat. In the morning, Yahweh will give you grits.”8Moses said to Aaron, “Tell all the Illinoisans, ‘Come close to Yahweh, because he heard your complaints.’”9 As Aaron spoke to the Illinoisans, they looked toward the open highway, and Vegas Vic appeared.10
1 02 Exo 16:01 And they took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came unto the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of the land of Egypt.
2 02 Exo 16:02 And the whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness:
3 02 Exo 16:03 And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger.
4 02 Exo 16:04 Then said the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no.
5 02 Exo 16:05 And it shall come to pass, that on the sixth day they shall prepare that which they bring in; and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily.
6 02 Exo 16:06 And Moses and Aaron said unto all the children of Israel, At even, then ye shall know that the LORD hath brought you out from the land of Egypt:
7 02 Exo 16:07 And in the morning, then ye shall see the glory of the LORD; for that he heareth your murmurings against the LORD: and what are we, that ye murmur against us?
8 02 Exo 16:08 And Moses said, This shall be, when the LORD shall give you in the evening flesh to eat, and in the morning bread to the full; for that the LORD heareth your murmurings which ye murmur against him: and what are we? your murmurings are not against us, but against the LORD.
9 02 Exo 16:09 And Moses spake unto Aaron, Say unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, Come near before the LORD: for he hath heard your murmurings.
10 02 Exo 16:10 And it came to pass, as Aaron spake unto the whole congregation of the children of Israel, that they looked toward the wilderness, and, behold, the glory of the LORD appeared in the cloud.
That evening, Manna’s Restaurant had an all-you-can-eat buffet for thousands of Illinoisans, and in the morning Manna’s served breakfast.13 When the bowls were put out, there were small round food particles that looked like frost.14The Illinoisans asked each other, “What is it?” Moses replied, “It’s the grits Yahweh gave you to eat.”15 God commanded, “Each of you: Take the leftovers you will need – that is all.”16 Moses said to them, “Don’t keep any of it through that morning.”17
Still, some of them did, and the grits became rancid. Moses was upset with these people.18 The reason the grits went bad: When the sun grew hot, it spoiled.19 On the sixth day they gathered twice as much grits, and all the leaders reported to Moses.20Moses said to them, “Yahweh said, ‘Tomorrow is a day of rest. Bake the grits you want to bake, and fry what you want to fry. Or, just leave it as-is.’”21
11 02 Exo 16:11 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
12 02 Exo 16:12 I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak unto them, saying, At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God.
13 02 Exo 16:13 And it came to pass, that at even the quails came up, and covered the camp: and in the morning the dew lay round about the host.
14 02 Exo 16:14 And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground.
15 02 Exo 16:15 And when the children of Israel saw it, they said one to another, It is manna: for they wist not what it was. And Moses said unto them, This is the bread which the LORD hath given you to eat.
16 02 Exo 16:16 This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded, Gather of it every man according to his eating, an omer for every man, according to the number of your persons; take ye every man for them which are in his tents.
17 02 Exo 16:19 And Moses said, Let no man leave of it till the morning.
18 02 Exo 16:20 Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto Moses; but some of them left of it until the morning, and it bred worms, and stank: and Moses was wroth with them.
19 02 Exo 16:21 And they gathered it every morning, every man according to his eating: and when the sun waxed hot, it melted.
20 02 Exo 16:22 And it came to pass, that on the sixth day they gathered twice as much bread, two omers for one man: and all the rulers of the congregation came and told Moses.
21 02 Exo 16:23 And he said unto them, This is that which the LORD hath said, To morrow is the rest of the holy sabbath unto the LORD: bake that which ye will bake to day, and seethe that ye will seethe; and that which remaineth over lay up for you to be kept until the morning.
The next morning, nothing stank.22 The seventh day, some of the Illinoisans went to Manna’s Restaurant, and they found it closed.23 The Illinoisans called the grits “manna.” It was fluffy and white, and it had a honey-bread taste.24
Moses said, “Yahweh commands, ‘Hold onto a Manna’s menu, so future generations can see the food God fed you on Route 66 – when I brought you from Alabama.’”25
The Illinoisans ate at Manna’s 40 days, until they came to an area that didn’t serve travelers – at the border of New Mexico and Arizona.26 The Illinoisans drove through the desert and, following God’s direction, set up camp at the Arizona-Nevada border. But, there was no gasoline for their vehicles.27The people yelled to Moses, “Give us gasoline so we can drive! Moses asked them, “Why are you fighting me and tempting Yahweh?”28 The people complained to Moses, “Why did you bring us out of Alabama – just to have us run out of gas?”29 Moses cried to God, asking, “What should I do with the Illinoisans? They’re almost ready to shoot me.”30
22 02 Exo 16:24 And they laid it up till the morning, as Moses bade: and it did not stink, neither was there any worm therein.
23 02 Exo 16:27 And it came to pass, that there went out some of the people on the seventh day for to gather, and they found none.
24 02 Exo 16:31 And the house of Israel called the name thereof Manna: and it was like coriander seed, white; and the taste of it was like wafers made with honey.
25 02 Exo 16:32 And Moses said, This is the thing which the LORD commandeth, Fill an omer of it to be kept for your generations; that they may see the bread wherewith I have fed you in the wilderness, when I brought you forth from the land of Egypt.
26 02 Exo 16:35 And the children of Israel did eat manna forty years, until they came to a land inhabited; they did eat manna, until they came unto the borders of the land of Canaan.
27 02 Exo 17:01 And all the congregation of the children of Israel journeyed from the wilderness of Sin, after their journeys, according to the commandment of the LORD, and pitched in Rephidim: and there was no water for the people to drink.
28 02 Exo 17:02 Wherefore the people did chide with Moses, and said, Give us water that we may drink. And Moses said unto them, Why chide ye with me? wherefore do ye tempt the LORD?
29 02 Exo 17:03 And the people thirsted there for water; and the people murmured against Moses, and said, Wherefore is this that thou hast brought us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our cattle with thirst?
30 02 Exo 17:04 And Moses cried unto the LORD, saying, What shall I do unto this people? they be almost ready to stone me.
God replied, “Take the Illinoisan leaders with you, and carry your umbrella.31 I will stand with you at the old Horeb Service Station. You will strike the gasoline pump, gas will flow out of it, and all the tanks will be filled.” Moses did all this in the sight of the Illinoisan leaders.32
31 02 Exo 17:05 And the LORD said unto Moses, Go on before the people, and take with thee of the elders of Israel; and thy rod, wherewith thou smotest the river, take in thine hand, and go.
32 02 Exo 17:06 Behold, I will stand before thee there upon the rock in Horeb; and thou shalt smite the rock, and there shall come water out of it, that the people may drink. And Moses did so in the sight of the elders of Israel.
The Illinoisans were fighting and testing God while they were at Hoover Dam, between Arizona and Nevada.1 During all this, Ku Klux Klansmen came out and fought with the Illinoisans.2Moses said to Joshua, “Choose men for us, go out, and fight the Klansmen. Tomorrow I will take God’s umbrella and stand on the top of Hoover Dam.”3
Joshua did as Moses had said to him. He fought with the hooded men on horseback. Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up the dam.4 When Moses held up his hand, the Illinoisans prevailed. When he let down his hand, the KKK prevailed.5 Since Moses’ hands were heavy, Aaron and Hur took nearby equipment, put it under him, and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held up Moses’ hands, and they were steady until sunset.6 Joshua defeated the Klansmen with his shotgun.7God said to Moses, “Make a Super 8mm film of this moment, and say it to Joshua: I will erase the memory of the Ku Klux Klan.”8
In commemoration of this battle, Moses turned an RV into a prayer house, and he called it Flagship Yahweh.9 He said, “Yahweh has sworn he will war with the Ku Klux Klan from generation to generation.”10
1 02 Exo 17:07 And he called the name of the place Massah, and Meribah, because of the chiding of the children of Israel, and because they tempted the LORD, saying, Is the LORD among us, or not?
2 02 Exo 17:08 Then came Amalek, and fought with Israel in Rephidim.
3 02 Exo 17:09 And Moses said unto Joshua, Choose us out men, and go out, fight with Amalek: to morrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in mine hand.
4 02 Exo 17:10 So Joshua did as Moses had said to him, and fought with Amalek: and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill.
5 02 Exo 17:11 And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed.
6 02 Exo 17:12 But Moses’ hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.
7 02 Exo 17:13 And Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.
8 02 Exo 17:14 And the LORD said unto Moses, Write this for a memorial in a book, and rehearse it in the ears of Joshua: for I will utterly put out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven.
9 02 Exo 17:15 And Moses built an altar, and called the name of it Jehovah-nissi:
10 02 Exo 17:16 For he said, Because the LORD hath sworn that the LORD will have war with Amalek from generation to generation.
Jethro, the Arizona broadcaster and Moses’ father-in-law, read in the newspapers what God had done for Moses and the Illinoisans.1 Zipporah, Moses’ wife, had previously returned to her father,2 and she took their two sons along. One son was Gershom3 and the other was Eliezer. He was named Eliezer because, Moses said, “My father’s God took me from the Governor’s gunpoint.”4
On this day, Jethro, Moses’ wife and two sons went where Moses was encamped, on the shore of Lake Mead.5 Jethro said to Moses, “I have come to you with your wife and your two sons.”6
Moses hugged Jethro. They walked into Moses’ RV.7 Moses told his fatherin-law what God had done, what problems that had come on the way, and how God solved them.8
Jethro was thrilled when he learned how Yahweh delivered the Illinoisans from the Alabamans.9 He said, “Blessed be Yahweh. He rescued you from the Alabamans and the Governor.10 Now I know Yahweh is greater than all gods.”11
1 02 Exo 18:01 When Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses’ father in law, heard of all that God had done for Moses, and for Israel his people, and that the LORD had brought Israel out of Egypt;
2 02 Exo 18:02 Then Jethro, Moses’ father in law, took Zipporah, Moses’ wife, after he had sent her back,
3 02 Exo 18:03 And her two sons; of which the name of the one was Gershom; for he said, I have been an alien in a strange land:
4 02 Exo 18:04 And the name of the other was Eliezer; for the God of my father, said he, was mine help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh:
5 02 Exo 18:05 And Jethro, Moses’ father in law, came with his sons and his wife unto Moses into the wilderness, where he encamped at the mount of God:
6 02 Exo 18:06 And he said unto Moses, I thy father in law Jethro am come unto thee, and thy wife, and her two sons with her.
7 02 Exo 18:07 And Moses went out to meet his father in law, and did obeisance, and kissed him; and they asked each other of their welfare; and they came into the tent.
8 02 Exo 18:08 And Moses told his father in law all that the LORD had done unto Pharaoh and to the Egyptians for Israel’s sake, and all the travail that had come upon them by the way, and how the LORD delivered them.
9 02 Exo 18:09 And Jethro rejoiced for all the goodness which the LORD had done to Israel, whom he had delivered out of the hand of the Egyptians.
10 02 Exo 18:10 And Jethro said, Blessed be the LORD, who hath delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of the hand of Pharaoh, who hath delivered the people from under the hand of the Egyptians.
11 02 Exo 18:11 Now I know that the LORD is greater than all gods: for in the thing wherein they dealt proudly he was above them.
Jethro made a donation to the cause. Aaron came in with all of the Illinoisan leaders, and they ate dinner with Jethro before God.12 The next day, Moses mediated conflicts amongst the Illinoisans. He settled disagreements from morning to evening.13Jethro watched this and asked Moses, “Why are you doing so much?”14
Moses replied, “Because the people come to ask God questions.15 When a man and his neighbor have a disagreement, I judge between them, and I make them know the laws of God.”16
Jethro said, “This isn’t good.17 You and your people will wear out. This is too much for one person.18 Listen to me, because I’m giving you good advice.19 Get able people – people who fear God, love truth, and hate injustice – and put them in charge of hundreds, fifties, and tens of Illinoisans.20 Let them judge the people at all times. You, Moses, will judge the great issues brought to you, but they will judge every small matter. Having them share the load with you will be easier for you.”21Moses listened to his father-in-law, and he did everything Jethro advised.22 A short time later, Jethro said goodbye and drove back to his Arizona home.23
12 02 Exo 18:12 And Jethro, Moses’ father in law, took a burnt offering and sacrifices for God: and Aaron came, and all the elders of Israel, to eat bread with Moses’ father in law before God.
13 02 Exo 18:13 And it came to pass on the morrow, that Moses sat to judge the people: and the people stood by Moses from the morning unto the evening.
14 02 Exo 18:14 And when Moses’ father in law saw all that he did to the people, he said, What is this thing that thou doest to the people? why sittest thou thyself alone, and all the people stand by thee from morning unto even?
15 02 Exo 18:15 And Moses said unto his father in law, Because the people come unto me to enquire of God:
16 02 Exo 18:16 When they have a matter, they come unto me; and I judge between one and another, and I do make them know the statutes of God, and his laws.
17 02 Exo 18:17 And Moses’ father in law said unto him, The thing that thou doest is not good.
18 02 Exo 18:18 Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone.
19 02 Exo 18:19 Hearken now unto my voice, I will give thee counsel, and God shall be with thee: Be thou for the people to Godward, that thou mayest bring the causes unto God:
20 02 Exo 18:21 Moreover thou shalt provide out of all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands, and rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens:
21 02 Exo 18:22 And let them judge the people at all seasons: and it shall be, that every great matter they shall bring unto thee, but every small matter they shall judge: so shall it be easier for thyself, and they shall bear the burden with thee.
22 02 Exo 18:24 So Moses hearkened to the voice of his father in law, and did all that he had said.
23 02 Exo 18:27 And Moses let his father in law depart; and he went his way into his own land.
‘You saw what I did to the Alabamans – how I put you in a race car and brought you to me.3 Now, if you will obey my voice, and keep your word, then you will be mine from among all people.4 You will be my broadcast center.’”5Moses called for the leaders, and he passed along God’s words.6 All the people answered together, saying, “We will do what Yahweh says.” Moses reported the people’s words to God.7
God said to Moses, “You will hear me through the radio static, and then you will see me. Then, you will believe in me forever.8 Go to the people, clean them up today and tomorrow, let them wash their clothes,9 and be ready for the third day. Because, on that day, I will come down as Vegas Vic in front of all the people.10 You will set up barriers for the people, saying:
1 02 Exo 19:02 For they were departed from Rephidim, and were come to the desert of Sinai, and had pitched in the wilderness; and there Israel camped before the mount.
2 02 Exo 19:03 And Moses went up unto God, and the LORD called unto him out of the mountain, saying, Thus shalt thou say to the house of Jacob, and tell the children of Israel;
3 02 Exo 19:04 Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians, and how I bare you on eagles’ wings, and brought you unto myself.
4 02 Exo 19:05 Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine:
5 02 Exo 19:06 And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and an holy nation. These are the words which thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel.
6 02 Exo 19:07 And Moses came and called for the elders of the people, and laid before their faces all these words which the LORD commanded him.
7 02 Exo 19:08 And all the people answered together, and said, All that the LORD hath spoken we will do. And Moses returned the words of the people unto the LORD.
8 02 Exo 19:09 And the LORD said unto Moses, Lo, I come unto thee in a thick cloud, that the people may hear when I speak with thee, and believe thee for ever. And Moses told the words of the people unto the LORD.
9 02 Exo 19:10 And the LORD said unto Moses, Go unto the people, and sanctify them to day and to morrow, and let them wash their clothes,
10 02 Exo 19:11 And be ready against the third day: for the third day the LORD will come down in the sight of all the people upon mount Sinai.
‘Be careful that you don’t go up to the casino, or touch it. Whoever touches the casino will die.11 No hands will pull slot machines, or they will be electrically shocked, and they will not live.’“When my voice is heard saying, ‘Howdy, Partner,’ the Illinoisans will come down Fremont Street.”12
Moses left the city, and he cleaned up the Illinoisans. They washed their 14clothes.13 Moses said, “Be ready by the third day. Don’t have sexual relations.”
The third day, in the morning, lightning struck the casino several times, and Vic’s voice was loud. The people shook with fear.15 Moses led the people out of the camp to meet God, and they stood at the end of the downtown street.16 At the Pioneer Club, a thick fog cleared away, and there stood Vegas Vic. The building quaked with Vic’s every motion,17 and Vic’s voice grew louder. Moses spoke, and Vic answered him.18 Vic called Moses to the fire escape, and Moses went up.19
God said to Moses, “Go down and hold the people back, because if they come too close, many of them will die.20 Also, the broadcasters who come near me should have clean throats, or I will quiet them.”21Moses replied, “The people can’t come up to Vic, because you commanded, “Set barriers around the street and sanctify the area.’”22
11 02 Exo 19:12 And thou shalt set bounds unto the people round about, saying, Take heed to yourselves, that ye go not up into the mount, or touch the border of it: whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death:
12 02 Exo 19:13 There shall not an hand touch it, but he shall surely be stoned, or shot through; whether it be beast or man, it shall not live: when the trumpet soundeth long, they shall come up to the mount. 13 02 Exo 19:14 And Moses went down from the mount unto the people, and sanctified the people; and they washed their clothes.
14 02 Exo 19:15 And he said unto the people, Be ready against the third day: come not at your wives. 15 02 Exo 19:16 And it came to pass on the third day in the morning, that there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mount, and the voice of the trumpet exceeding loud; so that all the people that was in the camp trembled.
16 02 Exo 19:17 And Moses brought forth the people out of the camp to meet with God; and they stood at the nether part of the mount.
17 02 Exo 19:18 And mount Sinai was altogether on a smoke, because the LORD descended upon it in fire: and the smoke thereof ascended as the smoke of a furnace, and the whole mount quaked greatly. 18 02 Exo 19:19 And when the voice of the trumpet sounded long, and waxed louder and louder, Moses spake, and God answered him by a voice.
19 02 Exo 19:20 And the LORD came down upon mount Sinai, on the top of the mount: and the LORD called Moses up to the top of the mount; and Moses went up.
20 02 Exo 19:21 And the LORD said unto Moses, Go down, charge the people, lest they break through unto the LORD to gaze, and many of them perish.
21 02 Exo 19:22 And let the priests also, which come near to the LORD, sanctify themselves, lest the LORD break forth upon them.
22 02 Exo 19:23 And Moses said unto the LORD, The people cannot come up to mount Sinai: for thou chargedst us, saying, Set bounds about the mount, and sanctify it.
God said, “Go down and bring Aaron up with you, but don’t let the broadcasters and the people get through the barriers, or I will stop them.”23 Moses went down to the people and talked with them.24
23 02 Exo 19:24 And the LORD said unto him, Away, get thee down, and thou shalt come up, thou, and Aaron with thee: but let not the priests and the people break through to come up unto the LORD, lest he break forth upon them.
24 02 Exo 19:25 So Moses went down unto the people, and spake unto them.
11. Ten Laws
Vic said to the Illinoisans,1 “I am Yahweh your God, who brought you out of
Alabama, out of the house of bondage.2
“You will not make an idol.4 You will not bow down to it or serve it, because I am jealous. To those who hate me, I will bring justice upon their third and fourth generations.5 And, I will show mercy to thousands who love me and keep my laws.6“You will not curse out my name.7 “Remember to keep the rest day holy.8
“You will work six days, and do all your work,9 but the seventh day is for rest. You will not do any work – nor will your sons, daughters, laborers, vehicles, and visiting strangers.10 In six days I made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and I rested the seventh day. Therefore, I blessed the rest day and made it holy.11“Honor your father and mother, and pray they will live many years in the state I will give you.12 “You will not murder.13
1 02 Exo 20:01 And God spake all these words, saying,
2 02 Exo 20:02 I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
3 02 Exo 20:03 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4 02 Exo 20:04 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:
5 02 Exo 20:05 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6 02 Exo 20:06 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7 02 Exo 20:07 Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
8 02 Exo 20:08 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 02 Exo 20:09 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10 02 Exo 20:10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
11 02 Exo 20:11 For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
12 02 Exo 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
13 02 Exo 20:13 Thou shalt not kill.
“You will not try to take your neighbor’s house. You will not try to take your neighbor’s spouse, or their housekeeper, motorcycle, or anything that belongs to them.”17
All the people heard Vic and watched him walk around on the street. They trembled and stayed back a distance.18 They said to Moses, “You can talk with us, and we’ll listen. But don’t let God speak to us, or we’ll die.”19Moses replied, “Don’t fear, because God has come to test you, and he might have put the fear into your hearts, so you’ll stay good.”20 The people stood back, and Moses walked closer to the thick darkness where God was.21 God said to Moses, “Tell the Illinoisans, ‘You saw that I talked with you from heaven.22 You will not make gods of silver or gold.23 You will begin a radio station for me.24 When you make the broadcast studio, you will not use press 25board, because when you use your power tools on pressboard, you will ruin it. Also, put a ramp to the studio instead of steps.26
14 02 Exo 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15 02 Exo 20:15 Thou shalt not steal.
16 02 Exo 20:16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17 02 Exo 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.
18 02 Exo 20:18 And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off.
19 02 Exo 20:19 And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die.
20 02 Exo 20:20 And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not.
21 02 Exo 20:21 And the people stood afar off, and Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was.
22 02 Exo 20:22 And the LORD said unto Moses, Thus thou shalt say unto the children of Israel, Ye have seen that I have talked with you from heaven.
23 02 Exo 20:23 Ye shall not make with me gods of silver, neither shall ye make unto you gods of gold.
24 02 Exo 20:24 An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sheep, and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.
25 02 Exo 20:25 And if thou wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of hewn stone: for if thou lift up thy tool upon it, thou hast polluted it.
26 02 Exo 20:26 Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon.
‘In addition, you will have a tribute dinner for me three times a year.27 Also, in the month you came out of Alabama, you will eat canned food for seven days, as I directed. No one will appear before me empty-handed.’”28
Later, Vic said to Moses, “Come up to me, you, Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and 70 of the Illinoisan leaders. Worship from a distance.29 Moses alone will come near me. The others will stay back.”30Moses told the people all the words of God, and all the laws. The people answered with one voice: “We will do everything Yahweh has said.”31
Moses had God’s words typed up, and he arose early in the morning. Moses began building the storefront radio studio on Fremont Street – in the middle of all the casinos.32 Then Moses and more than 70 of the Illinoisan leaders climbed the fire escape.33 They saw Vic step away from his position against the Pioneer Club. Even the soles of his neon boots shined like sapphire stones.34 He didn’t stretch out his hand toward the Illinoisans leaders. They saw Vic, and ate and drank.35God said to Moses, “Come up to me on the landing, and stay here. I will give you neon signs written with my laws – so you can teach them.”36
Moses awoke with help from Joshua, his assistant. Then, Moses climbed the fire escape.37 While still in hearing distance, Moses said to the leaders, “Wait at the bottom for us. Aaron and Hur are with you. Go to them if there are any disagreements.”38
Moses went up on the landing, and a fog was there.39 The glory of God was 40on Vic, and the fog covered him six hours. The seventh hour he called to Moses. To the Illinoisans, the appearance of God was brighter than all the downtown neon.41 Moses was on the landing 40 hours.42
27 02 Exo 23:14 Three times thou shalt keep a feast unto me in the year.
28 02 Exo 23:15 Thou shalt keep the feast of unleavened bread: (thou shalt eat unleavened bread seven days, as I commanded thee, in the time appointed of the month Abib; for in it thou camest out from Egypt: and none shall appear before me empty:)
29 02 Exo 24:01 And he said unto Moses, Come up unto the LORD, thou, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel; and worship ye afar off.
30 02 Exo 24:02 And Moses alone shall come near the LORD: but they shall not come nigh; neither shall the people go up with him.
31 02 Exo 24:03 And Moses came and told the people all the words of the LORD, and all the judgments: and all the people answered with one voice, and said, All the words which the LORD hath said will we do.
32 02 Exo 24:04 And Moses wrote all the words of the LORD, and rose up early in the morning, and builded an altar under the hill, and twelve pillars, according to the twelve tribes of Israel.
33 02 Exo 24:09 Then went up Moses, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel:
34 02 Exo 24:10 And they saw the God of Israel: and there was under his feet as it were a paved work of a sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in his clearness.
35 02 Exo 24:11 And upon the nobles of the children of Israel he laid not his hand: also they saw God, and did eat and drink.
36 02 Exo 24:12 And the LORD said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.
37 02 Exo 24:13 And Moses rose up, and his minister Joshua: and Moses went up into the mount of God.
38 02 Exo 24:14 And he said unto the elders, Tarry ye here for us, until we come again unto you: and, behold, Aaron and Hur are with you: if any man have any matters to do, let him come unto them.
39 02 Exo 24:15 And Moses went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount.
40 02 Exo 24:16 And the glory of the LORD abode upon mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days: and the seventh day he called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud.
41 02 Exo 24:17 And the sight of the glory of the LORD was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of Israel.
42 02 Exo 24:18 And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.
43 02 Exo 28:01 And take thou unto thee Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him, from among the children of Israel, that he may minister unto me in the priest’s office, even Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar, Aaron’s sons.
44 02 Exo 31:18 And he gave unto Moses, when he had made an end of communing with him upon mount Sinai, two tables of testimony, tables of stone, written with the finger of God.
12. Aaron falls into trouble
During this time, the people saw that Moses was staying on the fire escape.
The people gathered around Aaron, and said to him, “We’ve never watched TV,
and we want to. Moses never allowed this, but we don’t know what happened to
All the people did so.3 Aaron took the jewelry to a pawn shop and traded it for several TV sets. The people plugged the TVs into their electric generators and said, “TV is the god we worship.”4When Aaron saw this, he put lawn chairs in front of the TVs. Aaron announced, “Tomorrow we will eat in front of the TVs.”5 They rose up early on the next day, and they agreed about which channels to view. The Illinoisans sat down to watch TV, eat and drink.6
God said to Moses, “Go – climb down the fire escape. The Illinoisans have corrupted themselves!7 They immediately rejected the way I commanded. They bought television sets, and they are worshiping them.8 I have seen these people, and they are getting stiff necks from their constant TV watching.9 Leave me alone, because I am extremely angry with them. I will eliminate them, and I will give you a great state.”10
1 02 Exo 32:01 And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
2 02 Exo 32:02 And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me.
3 02 Exo 32:03 And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron.
4 02 Exo 32:04 And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt. 5 02 Exo 32:05 And when Aaron saw it, he built an altar before it; and Aaron made proclamation, and said, To morrow is a feast to the LORD.
6 02 Exo 32:06 And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.
7 02 Exo 32:07 And the LORD said unto Moses, Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves:
8 02 Exo 32:08 They have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them: they have made them a molten calf, and have worshipped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
9 02 Exo 32:09 And the LORD said unto Moses, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people:
10 02 Exo 32:10 Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them: and I will make of thee a great nation.
Moses replied, “The Alabamans will say, ‘Yahweh recklessly pulled the Illinoisans into the desert and killed them.’ Stop being so angry – repent against this evil.”11God changed his mind.12 Moses turned and climbed down the fire escape. He carried the two neon signs with him.13 When Joshua heard the noise from the televisions, he said to Moses, “The people are watching a western.”14
As Moses came near the camp, he saw the TV sets and lawn chairs. Moses became hot with anger, and he threw the neon signs from his hands and broke them.15 He took the TV sets and tossed them into the fire.16Moses asked Aaron, “What did these people do to you, that you sinned like this?”17 Aaron replied, “Don’t be too angry. You know the people – they’re determined to be evil.”18 When Moses saw that the people had broken into small camps,19 he stood by his RV and said, “Whoever is on Yahweh’s side, come to me.”
All the sons of Levi went to Moses.20 Moses said to them, “Yahweh, the God of Illinois, says, ‘Every man strap on his gun. Go back and forth throughout the camp, and kill your brother, companion, and neighbor.’”21
11 02 Exo 32:12 Wherefore should the Egyptians speak, and say, For mischief did he bring them out, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth? Turn from thy fierce wrath, and repent of this evil against thy people.
12 02 Exo 32:14 And the LORD repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people. 13 02 Exo 32:15 And Moses turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written.
14 02 Exo 32:17 And when Joshua heard the noise of the people as they shouted, he said unto Moses, There is a noise of war in the camp.
15 02 Exo 32:19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses’ anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.
16 02 Exo 32:20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.
17 02 Exo 32:21 And Moses said unto Aaron, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them?
18 02 Exo 32:22 And Aaron said, Let not the anger of my lord wax hot: thou knowest the people, that they are set on mischief.
19 02 Exo 32:25 And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies:)
20 02 Exo 32:26 Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the LORD’s side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him.
God replied, “Whoever has sinned against me I write out of my book.27 Now go, and lead the people to Illinois. My angel will walk in front of you. On the day I visit, I will punish them for their sin.”28
A little later, God said, “In Illinois, I will destroy the racist towns of East St. Louis, Carbondale and Springfield.29 You will get Illinois – a state with the richest soil in the world. But I will not join you Illinoisans, because you are belligerent, and I might eliminate you on the way.”30When the people heard these stern words from God, they were sad. They burned their TV listings.31
21 02 Exo 32:27 And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour.
22 02 Exo 32:28 And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men.
23 02 Exo 32:29 For Moses had said, Consecrate yourselves to day to the LORD, even every man upon his son, and upon his brother; that he may bestow upon you a blessing this day.
24 02 Exo 32:30 And it came to pass on the morrow, that Moses said unto the people, Ye have sinned a great sin: and now I will go up unto the LORD; peradventure I shall make an atonement for your sin. 25 02 Exo 32:31 And Moses returned unto the LORD, and said, Oh, this people have sinned a great sin, and have made them gods of gold.
26 02 Exo 32:32 Yet now, if thou wilt forgive their sin–; and if not, blot me, I pray thee, out of thy book which thou hast written.
27 02 Exo 32:33 And the LORD said unto Moses, Whosoever hath sinned against me, him will I blot out of my book.
28 02 Exo 32:34 Therefore now go, lead the people unto the place of which I have spoken unto thee: behold, mine Angel shall go before thee: nevertheless in the day when I visit I will visit their sin upon them.
29 02 Exo 33:02 And I will send an angel before thee; and I will drive out the Canaanite, the Amorite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite:
30 02 Exo 33:03 Unto a land flowing with milk and honey: for I will not go up in the midst of thee; for thou art a stiffnecked people: lest I consume thee in the way.
31 02 Exo 33:04 And when the people heard these evil tidings, they mourned: and no man did put on him his ornaments.
In Moses’ RV, God spoke to him face to face – as a man speaks to his friend.32 God said, “Let us make two neon signs like the first set you broke.33 Be ready in the morning, and present yourself to me when I am Vic.34 No one will come up with you. No one will see you. Don’t let anyone drive downtown.”35
At the fire escape, Moses stayed with God forty hours, and Moses ate nothing. They put the Ten Laws into neon.36 Moses assembled all the Illinoisans, and said to them, “These are the words Yahweh has commanded, and you should do them.”37