Amock Comedy Magazine 5 HTML version

AMOCK / Page 5
FROM: Adolf Hitler, 86 (b) Leipzigstrasse, Vienna
TO: Bert Schmidt, Branau am Inn, Austria
DATE: 8th August 1907
Berti, my old kamerad, how are you?
I am well. As you can see I am in Vienna now and I am proud to inform you that I am a great success.
Everyone is clamouring for my paintings, even the ones of my feet which I did when I was laid up in bed with
the flu and had nothing to inspire me.
I am careful not to let success go to my head, even when the frauleins ask me for a kiss and offer a quick
glimpse of their underwear. I know that many great men have fallen by the wayside with their lust for
petticoats and I do not intend to be one of them. I will save myself from such things until I am married and
then perhaps for a few months more, just to make sure.
The food here in Vienna is tremendous and I am eating bratwurst every day, sometimes with a little Gruyere
cheese, which you know used to be one of my favourites when I was a boy with you in Branau. Speaking of
which, how are the other fellows doing? Has Hans got rid of that wart yet?
Incidentally, as it is now fairly assured that I will be a great artist and world famous I would appreciate it if you
didn’t tell anyone about that night behind the pig-sty. It was only curiosity on my part and I’m sorry for biting.
If you can raise a few shillings come and visit me in Vienna and I will show you the sights. If you could bring
my teddy bear I would appreciate it.
Your old kamerad,
FROM: Adolf Hitler, 86 (b) Leipzigstrasse, Vienna
TO: Kruger & Co (Cobblers), Tandelmarktg, Vienna
DATE: 12th October 1907
While walking through the city yesterday I happened to notice in the window of your shop that you have an
excellent selection of boots and shoes for which I congratulate you.