Amock Comedy Magazine 4 HTML version

AMOCK: So, this inadvertent impaling of Ellen Frisky
brought you your big break?
ROCK: Well, that and breaking the bed. You must
understand that the sets for porn movies have to be
extremely well-constructed to put up with the wear
and tear. Especially items like beds and couches,
where the action is likely to take place. The bed on
that shoot was a Fortescue & Smythe Model III, the
finest porn bed ever made. And I broke it.
AMOCK: You must have been ecstatic.
ROCK: I was broke. They made me pay for it.
AMOCK: But it was the beginning of your incredible
ROCK: Oh sure, they reckoned that anybody that
could make Ellen Frisky shriek like that was a cert.
AMOCK: And what would you regard as your finest
ROCK: That would have to be Sherlock Holmes
Meets Fanny Hill.
AMOCK: What makes it stand out for you?
ROCK: They have a girl, a fluffer, they call her.
AMOCK: No, the Sherlock Holmes film, I meant.
ROCK: Well, it involved acting, and lines, that was
tough going.
AMOCK: So, you struggle with thespian skills.
ROCK: I never done no thespian movies. A few
lesbian maybe, but that’s it.
AMOCK: What would be your favourite role?
ROCK: That would be the lead in The OhMyGod
Man. I played the last virile man on Earth. Helluva
role and challenging too. There was nothing outside
straight sex in that picture. No oral, no anal, nothing,
but it was still a crowd puller. Repopulating a whole
planet was a big ask, even for ole Rock Python, but I
pulled it off.
AMOCK: There were rumours you would go into
straight movies after that success.
ROCK: I thought about it but I was never offered
decent parts. Everything had to have some form of
porn connection to capitalise on my fame, but I wasn’t
buying it. Shit like The Sperminator.
AMOCK: Who would you say was your favourite co-
ROCK: It would have to be Tallulah Bareback.
That gal gave the fans their money’s worth and what
an actress. I had her as a co-ed a nurse, a teacher, a
nun and the president of the United States and she
had me believing every time. They say she could
orgasm in five different languages. A disciple of the
craft of porn acting.
AMOCK: Was there any sex act you weren’t keen
ROCK: I was never a big fan of anal, especially
after that disastrous session with Shannon Bute.
She’d had a big Mexican the night before. Pablo I
think his name was. What a mess. It was all over the
set, the camera, everything. And she was only five
foot tall. You wouldn’t believe a little gal like that
could hold so much.
AMOCK: She retired after that. Didn’t she?
ROCK: Nobody would work her. Well, apart from
Tony Pooncandy and he’d shtup anything.
AMOCK: And what would you regard as your
outstanding attribute?
ROCK: I would have to say it would be my manly
parts which, as you say, are outstanding.
AMOCK: They certainly are. I understand you also
use them in crime fighting.
ROCK: Shucks, that’s something I like to keep
quiet, but it’s true that the Drugs Squad have called
on my services a few times.
AMOCK: In what way?
ROCK: These scumbag drug dealers put steel
plates behind their doors to stop the police interfering
with their activities and the cops use me to knock
them down.
AMOCK: You mean you can ….?
ROCK: All it takes is a pretty little police gal to get
me ready and I’ll run at that door till the sucker comes
off its hinges.
AMOCK: That’s amazing. You’re a credit to the porn
industry, Mr Python.
ROCK: Thank you.