Amock Comedy Magazine 3 HTML version

Minutes of the Meeting of the Council on 2321.910.xbo
Subject: Planet Earth/Human Beings
Present: Cllr Korag (Leader of the Council); Warlord Struek; Cllrs Lood, Openg and Jabbra; Jazba Kildo
Captain Fuer of Exploration Ship Zivre report by Telecast
Cllr Korag opened the meeting and made introductions before asking
Captain Fuer to resume his report.
FUER: Before I was interrupted by loss of signal I was informing you of
the human habit of venting waste gases, also known as farting.
KORAG: We have considered it and do not regard it as a threat.
FUER: Acknowledged. Let me inform you then that they have many gods.
OPENG: They do not worship Mash?
ALL: All hail, Mash!
FUER: No. They seem to have never heard of the All-Creator.
OPENG: Primitives indeed. But what does it serve them to have many
FUER: It gives them a reason to make war on each other.
KORAG: War? That we must consider as a threat. What form does their
war take?
FUER: They throw things at each other.
LOOD: Throw things? That is a strange method. What sort of things?
FUER: From their historical record it seems that they began with rocks and sticks, before graduating to metal
pellets projected by exploding gases. More recently they have manufactured large missiles, many containing
fissionable material.
OPENG: But that would kill them! What kind of a way is that to make war? To kill your enemies? Where is
the profit in destruction?
FUER: I asked myself the same questions, Cllr, but I can only report what I observed.
KORAG: They seem like a strange race indeed. What other absurdities do they practice?
FUER: They wear vegetables.
LOOD: Now you attempt humour, captain.
FUER: I promise you. A vegetable called cotton. They turn this into garments called jeans.
JABBRA: Have they no plastics?
FUER: Indeed. But they use it to make cutlery. Oh, and vibrators.
JABBRA: Vibrating cutlery? Is it patented?