Amock Comedy Magazine 2 HTML version

A new fad is sweeping England, and it comes about
as the institution of marriage falls in popularity.
Because fewer couples are opting to get wed it
consequently means that there are fewer
opportunities to indulge in wife swapping and this is
proved by the membership numbers of the UK’s
Confederation of Wife Swapping Societies which have
fallen by 52% since 1984.
With this healthy pursuit about to disappear from the
social scene it fell to one man to rescue the pastime
from oblivion, and his name is Hiram Binge.
“The idea of wife swapping appealed to me,” he said
yesterday, “but as I was unmarried, I couldn’t
participate. Most clubs refuse to accept unmarried
guys as associate members even for a quick look. So
I came up with the idea of aunt swapping to
compensate for my lack in the marital department. The idea is that young guys, rather than swapping wives
they don’t have, swap aunts which they do have. So, I frequently swap my Aunt Hilda for my friend Stan’s
Aunt Betty. What is done during the swap is strictly up to the participants. Hilda likes to give Stan tea and
cream cakes and discuss embroidery, but Betty drags me up to the bedroom the minute I step into her house.”
The scheme has other benefits which Binge is well aware of. “For instance, with western society one is
generally only allowed one wife, whereas one can have many aunts. This means that you have a greater
variety to offer your swap partner and if he has many aunts you could have a multitude of combinations, all
offering the potential for lots of fun.”
Minge accepts that many aunts will not always be immediately desirable to romantically inclined young men.
“Some of them will be past the Yummy Mummy stage and perhaps even being MILFs, but there’s a lot of fun
to be had in an aunty. Stan really enjoys his cream cakes and is learning a lot about embroidery, especially
double stitch.”
The changes in society which have seen the collapse of the nuclear family mean that aunt swapping is likely to
take off in a big way and may ultimately replace wife swapping as the hobby of choice for middle class
England, but Minge has plans to accommodate this.
“We hope to form reciprocal arrangements with wife swapping clubs and put arrangements in place where one
can swap an aunt for a wife and I already have my eye on Mrs Tania Bottomley of the Little Puddlebury
Society who is a bit of a raver. It would mean, in the long run, that a young chap could set out on his
swapping career by offering his aunts and later, once he had a lady wife of his own, he could throw her into
the pot. In this way there would be a natural progression in swapping activities. It might be the only way to
ensure the survival of this ancient sexual practice. Our heritage is important and we must retain it. The
couples of England have been swapping since the days of Henry VIII and we shouldn’t let it die just because
people aren’t getting married. It is healthy, enjoyable and allows the shy or reticent to meet a much wider
range of people than they would if they joined a book club.”