Amock Comedy Magazine 1 HTML version
SCOTTISH LOVE SECRETS - KNEES
Och well, if it’s the knees you want to know about I
have a fine tale to tell you. It hap-
his kilt a little above the knee every now and then, for
he had a braw pair of knees, and that this would drive
the girls into a frenzy and they
wouldn’t be able to resist him.
like this, you see. Many years ago a
few friends and I came down from the
Highlands to the bonny banks of
Loch Lomond, looking for girls, as
young men do. Now, one of the
lads was Sandy MacAllan, a fine,
big, braw, lad but awful shy with
the lassies. All the rest of us
would be dancing and kissing with
the girlies, for the maids of Loch
Lomond were ever keen on high
jinks, and poor Sandy would be
sitting all by himself, nursing his
beer and looking miserable. So I took it on myself to
have a wee chat with him about his lack of success
with the womenfolk. Seems he didn’t have a clue on
how to approach a lassie, and I advised him to hitch
It worked a treat and Sandy
MacAllan has been married
eight times and always to wom-
en called Morag. He had a kind
of fetish for the name. There
was not a Morag for twenty miles
was safe when Sandy MacAllan
was in the mood and had his kilt
hitched above his knee. So there
you go, men, if you’re the shy retir-
ing type, or if you think you have no
physical at- tributes suitable for attracting a mate,
get your knees out and watch the lassies buckle. But
avoid Morags for Sandy MacAllan is the jealous type.
SOUNDS OF TOMORROW
I am Svetlana Polzkivitch, best pop singer in village of
Grodny, also only pop singer in Grodny. I am seek
agent, manager and record label to break into western
pop music business. Also fans.
I have release single already. Is called
‘GEORGI, YOU ARE HOT STUFF.’ Is
about my boyfriend. He is goat. My
friends are say, ‘Western pop music not
about girl who love goat, Svetlana’ but I
am saying ‘Is novelty then. They will like
very much and I will be very rich and
famous and buy Prius motor car’.
I wish to tell about my style which is I develop all by
myself. Is mixture of blues and hip-hop with touch of
garage. I have many influence, main of which is Iron
Maiden and Conway Twitty. My music is very popular
in Grodny. Make big change from traditional folk
music which is most about the village girl swooning
when handsome man come along and show muscles.
I am not swooning. I am modern woman and expert
in feminine hygiene.
I am try to build backing band but so far only
have Old Tomas on electric accordion and
Simeon the Pervert on bass ukulele, but
sound is good and only need tune to help.
Also I am looking for husband as my love
for Georgi is not of that type, he is soul-
mate. Husband who own record
company would be good. Also pop star,
though not if gay like John Elton and Michael George.
Is not approve in my culture as girl who marry gay
man often have no children, unless milkman is hunky
My email she is email@example.com if are
can be helping.