Amock Comedy Magazine 1 HTML version

How did creative writing begin? Don’t quote us on this, because it’s not gospel.
Anyway, many years a go a little guy, let’s call him Tom, who was homeless and hope-
less, spent his time wandering from ancient village to ancient village, trying to scrape a living by
selling his labour. But times were hard and Tom found himself on the brink of starvation when
he arrived at Betaville one day.
The good folk of Betaville
were in an uproar as they had heard of
a terrible tragedy in Alphaville the
previous week, but
no-one knew the facts as no-one
from Betaville had
been to Alphaville for a while
because it was a two
day ride to Alphaville and
Betaville’s only ass was
off her feed.
“But I’ve just come
from Alphaville,” Tom
“Really?” the townsfolk said,
“Tell us what happened.”
“It was the blacksmith, old
Fergus,” Tom said, “He was
wild with drink and murdered
two men and hurt a goat.”
“Tragedy!” the townsfolk intoned and crowded
round Tom for further details,
which he was happy to supply. He talked long into the night and when he ended there were
many offers of food, drink and a bed for the night. Tom was delighted.
The next day Tom travelled on to Gammaville and immediately announced that there had
been a great tragedy in Alphaville.
“What,” said the remote inhabitants of Gammaville, “We never heard about that.”
“It’s true,” Tom insisted, and retold the story as he had told it in Betaville. The residents of
Gammaville were as entranced as their neighbours, and once again Tom was plied with hospital-
ity. This is a bit of alright, Tom thought.
The next day Tom moved on to Deltaville. “Four men murdered in Alphaville,” he shouted,
“A goat hurt and three virgins pregnant.”
“Never,” said the residents of Deltaville, and Tom knew he was in trouble because it was well
known that there never ever were three virgins in Alphaville at any one time.
“My mistake, “ he corrected himself, “Four men murdered, one goat hurt and three visiting vir-
gins impregnated.”
“Tell us more,” they cried and Tom took the fateful step from a purveyor of news to a fully
fledged storyteller.
“It happened like this …” Tom began and as the ale flowed, the tale of Fergus the blacksmith
grew to encompass a pack of barbarians, a sheepdog called Corky, the eating of a haycart, and
the three virgins had been transformed into an entire nunnery.