Amock Comedy Magazine 1 HTML version

Capricorn - December 22- January 20
Aquarius - January 21 – February 19
Is your husband a lousy lover,
Capricorn? Mine is. It’s no wonder I
drink. Of course, I have a special
friend. Do you?
Rain will be your downfall this month.
Don’t step in puddles and I’m not
being metaphorical.
Pisces - February 20 – March 20
Aries - March 21- April 20
That problem with wind should have
resolved itself by now so you can enter
the romantic fray again, but do take
your time in case there are any residual
You’ve been overeating again, haven’t
you? What have I told you? Get that
French fry our of your mouth. Now! I
won’t tell you again.
Taurus - April 21- May 21
Gemini - May 21- June 21
The alignment between Uranus and
Mars means that your financial chart is
in good shape. Time to splurge on
new shoes, I think.
Ladies called Norma who are born
under the sign of Gemini will need to
be careful of men called Lance this
month. They’re only after one thing
and you know you haven’t got it any
Cancer - June 22 – July 23
Leo - July 24 – August 23
Beware of plasma screen televisions
and rocket propelled grenades until
mid month. After that you can eat
cheese safely.
Try not to have sex with casual
strangers any more. It’s very
distressing to the others in the zoo that
you’ve ignored.
Virgo - August 24 – September 23
Libra - September 24- October 23
Beer is the answer to losing your job.
I don’t mean getting drunk, I mean
getting a job in a brewery. Then you
can get drunk.
Relatives will disappoint you this
month. Grannies dropping dead when
you’re due to go on vacation are
always a bummer.
Scorpio - October 24 – November 22
Sagittarius - November 23 – December
The tall blonde who winked at you in
the elevator isn’t worth pursuing. His
name’s Ken and he likes dressing that
way because of his war experiences.
Everything that happened to you last
month will repeat itself. The stars are
like that sometimes, lazy buggers.