Amock Comedy Magazine 1 HTML version

Dear Duce,
It was a great pleasure to see you again in Rome
last week. Once again I was impressed with your
fabulous uniform and bald head. I, unfortunately,
only have my feeble moustache to commend me
and I think where fascist dictators are concerned
you far outshine me. Your hats too are far superior
to mine.
It is actually on a subject at the opposite end that I
am writing to you. Being Italian you obviously have
a much better grasp of romantic protocol than we
poor Germans, and I am prepared to bow to your
superior knowledge in advising me as to when is
the right time to grasp a lady's bottom. I am
currently seeing a young lady, Eva, and am eager
to grab her by her behind, but am not sure as to
when is the right time in a relationship to effect this.
My previous female companion, my niece Geli, did
not require such considerations, as she was a
forward minx and shoved her bottom into my hands,
practically before I was ready for such intimacy.
Eva is a more reserved type and I would hate to
destroy our budding friendship by grabbing her
keister before she is ready. I have tried to intimate
to her that I am ready for more by encouraging her
to grip my behind but I feel that she is not
responding to my signals.
Duce, as you know, the grabbing and caressing of
buttocks is an important stage in heterosexual
human relationships and I long to fondle the behind
of my beautiful Eva, that I have lavished so many
cream cakes on. I understand that you have a
female companion, Clara (you old devil, you!) and
perhaps you can recall at what point in your
relationship you grabbed her tush. Was it after you
kissed her or after you felt her boobies? And does
one require to be introduced to the maiden's parents
before taking this liberty.
There is also the question, of course, of whether it
is more correct to fondle the left buttock or right
first. I would hate to make an elementary error here.
Some of my Wehrmacht generals favour a pincer
movement but I am unsure if this is appropriate in
these circumstances. On the other hand some
Kriegsmarine admirals favour a sneak approach as
they use with their U boats, but I don't think Eva
would appreciate a wolf-pack around her nether
regions. Surprisingly, the Japanese ambassador
too favours this sneaky approach and has his eye
on some strumpet called Pearl Harbour.
There is also the question of which hand to use, left
or right, and the amount of pressure to exert. I
usually find that politicians of a democratic nature
crumble with very little pressure but I'm not sure if
this applies. After all, I do not wish Eva's behind to
crumble, but to give pliantly and bounce back like
fine Germanic bottomss should. I imagine Italian
women have resilient bottoms too and I am
prepared to let you have a quick fondle of Eva's butt
if you will allow me the same liberty with Clara. This
is the least I can do for an Axis partner. We won't
involve the Japanese in our little arrangement at
this point as I have no particular wish to feel up
some oriental ass. After half an hour you're hungry
for another fondle. If you, however, have such a
perverted desire, please feel free to make separate
arrangements with Hirohito.
However the most important issue, as I have stated,
is the timing of my move on my target
It is of no use asking me to consult my fellow
Nazis such as Goebels and Goerring, as they are
not as randy as we old fascist warlords. In fact, I
believe some of them long to fondle my bottom
more than that of a beautiful woman. Any advice
you could give me would be gratefully received.