Amock Comedy Magazine 1 HTML version
NORTH KOREA’S KIM JONG-IL SOLVES
INTERNATIONAL BAKING CRISIS
It has recently come to my knowledge that you capitalist running dogs of the West have been facing up to a
baking crisis which is threatening your financial situations and your very way of life. This does not surprise me
as you put too much faith and trust in your bakers, unlike we who follow the true path of communism.
Nevertheless, I regard it as my duty, as a fellow human being, to advise you on how to resolve this problem.
The answer is not to place so much trust and faith in bakers for they are an evil breed, intent only on lining their
own pockets by selling you shoddy bakery products. If such a situation were to occur in my glorious homeland
of North Korea, I would have no
hesitation in shooting all
bakers. I mean by this the
shooting of them dead, for
mere wounds will not suffice. If
this were to take several
bullets per baker I would say
‘Hang the expense! Shoot
them dead!’ Not until they were
very dead would I cease from
This would undoubtedly cause a shortage of bakery products
in the short term and I am thinking here especially of
bread, which you call the staff of life, though it is a silly
description. You can not use bread as a staff. I have tried
it and it does not work. This need not be a deal-breaker as
I understand that because of your baking crisis many of
your peasants are unemployed. They should be encouraged
to bake at home and therefore feed the nation. As their skills
grow they may turn their hand to baking buns and you may
thus return to eating the burgers with which you pollute your
bodies. The most gifted may even aspire to bake cakes,
but these should be kept as plain as possible to avoid
encouraging decadence. A cream bun might be permissible or even a small sponge if only a little jam is used.
You may say that this is a self-defeating proposal. That the peasants who become bakers will once again hold
you to ransom once they get a taste of power and there is undoubtedly an element of truth in this. But the solution
is already in your hands, in the shape of an AK47. Shoot them all, I say! And it may well be that your peasants
who have ambitions in the baking field will behave themselves and not bring the world to its knees if they know
that the threat of a quick slug to the back of the head is waiting for them if they get up to their shenanigans again.
If you find it difficult to shoot your bakers please do not hesitate to call on the services of the North Korean armed
forces who are adept at shooting people in the back of the head. They are available for a nominal fee though
they would expect you to provide transport as our truck has an oil leak. Also, bullets.
I am aware that N. Korea gets a very bad press in the West and I hope that by aiding you in this way with my
marvellous suggestion you will think more kindly of your communist cousins.