Amock Comedy Compendium HTML version

Well, many years ago, during the days of the British
Raj in India a diminutive Scottish soldier called Willie
was serving his time in the jewel of the Empire. Now,
Willie was a bit of a socialist and didn’t really agree
with imperialism and running around in a red coat,
shouldering the white man’s burden. As far as he was
concerned the white man’s burden was the white
woman – he might have been a socialist, but he was
still a bit of a sexist. He had witnessed the terrible
drubbings the women of Britain inflicted on their
husbands and was determined to find himself a more
temperate wife while out east. Something
comfortable and easy to start in the morning, like
a Volkswagen.
As luck would have it, Sunita, a girl in the local
village where Willie was stationed, took a shine
to him and started fluttering her eyelashes at
him like it was going out of fashion. Wasting
no time. Willie set about wooing her, which
wasn’t easy as neither spoke the other’s
The best Willie could do was run up behind
her and shout Woo! In her ear as she
cooked him the finest curry he’d ever
After the relationship had been going for
a while Willie tried for some pre-marital
manoeuvres, but Sunita soon let him
know there would be none of that before
there was a ring on her finger. As she
couldn’t tell him verbally she had to
inform him physically, and this caused
Willie to walk with a limp for weeks.
It was this which convinced Willie
that women were the same the world
over and he wanted nothing to do
with them.
He tried to cool Sunita’s jets but now she decided to
show him her passionate side, letting him fondle her
ankle bells and similar liberties. In a panic Willie
secretly arranged to emigrate to Australia immediately
he was discharged from the army.
Sunita was heartbroken, but her twelve brothers
vowed to help. “We will go to this Britain place and
find your Willie,” they said, “and we will not return until
we have found him.” Of course, while in the UK and
hunting high and low for Willie, they had to earn a
living. Lucky then, that they were all master chefs and
the easiest way to make a crust was to open an
Indian restaurant.