Amock Comedy Compendium
YOUR STARS WITH
Capricorn - December 22- January 20
Aquarius - January 21 – February 19
Too much wine, Capricorn. It’ll be the
death of you. Try some vodka for a
change. Mixes with anything just
Don’t be a parasite. Pay your own
way. Even if Chris owes you the
money, that’s no reason to punch him.
Three months? Oh well, go ahead.
Pisces - February 20 – March 20
Aries - March 21- April 20
Stilt walking should keep you busy
between here and Easter. Remember
Aunt Jenny has a bad hip so she can’t
Yodelling is not only an interesting
pastime it can also help if you’re
stranded in a snow drift. John Wayne
Taurus - April 21- May 21
Gemini - May 21- June 21
Your stars are aligned in a very strange
position this month. Either that or my
eyes have gone wonky. Tell you what,
I’ll go to the optometrist tomorrow.
If your name is George you’re in big
trouble. The stars for all Georges are in
revolt and nothing good can come of
it. If you’re married to a Doreen it’s
Cancer - June 22 – July 23
Leo - July 24 – August 23
Things are finally looking up for you
as it looks like the drug therapy is
going to work. Buy the nurses
Love-lorn Leo? It’s not true, I just like
saying it because it’s alliterative.
Loser Leo is actually more like it.
Virgo - August 24 – September 23
Libra - September 24- October 23
If a Frenchman tries to borrow money
from you it’s okay. He’s my cousin
and he’s a bit short just now. I
couldn’t help him out so I passed him
on to you.
My, you are in a sporty mood this
month, Libra. Hoping to meet
somebody special in the gym? Alarm
Scorpio - October 24 – November 22
Sagittarius - November 23 – December
Arson is not the answer, Scorpio. It
will only create bad blood and possibly
a vendetta which will last till your
blood line is forever expunged from
the face of the Earth.
Good things are coming your way if
you would only let down your
defences a little. She won’t bite.
Well, just a little bit.