Amock Comedy Compendium HTML version

Capricorn - December 22- January 20
Aquarius - January 21 – February 19
You will meet a tall man. Do not trust
him as he is lying to you about his
height. Wear blue at all times unless
you have had cereal for breakfast. Do
not whistle in the afternoon.
Nothing will happen for you this
Pisces - February 20 – March 20
Aries - March 21- April 20
Don’t be afraid of chickens, even if
they feature large in your dreams.
Wear two sweaters on Wednesdays if
your name is George. Tell lies to
people called Colin.
Beware of women with buck teeth.
Your future looks good if you gamble
all your money on a horse called
Nostradamus’s Hat. Avoid trains.
Taurus - April 21- May 21
Gemini - May 21- June 21
Your addiction to television is causing
you health problems. Have someone
else deliver them. Your niece hates
you and you should buy stocks in the
Canberra Hot Air Balloon Co.
Your dreams, filthy though they are,
are about to come true. Her name is
Evadne and you will meet her in a
dockside bar where she will be
surrounded by sailors. Do not marry
Cancer - June 22 – July 23
Leo - July 24 – August 23
Have you been drinking excessively?
If not, why not? I get pissed every
Wednesday and twice at the weekend.
It’s Bacardi, since you ask and, yes, I
will have a large one.
Those aches and pains are really taking
their toll on you, aren’t they, Leo? This
is the result of you avoiding people
called Ralph. Not all Ralphs are after
your money. Not even your brother in
Virgo - August 24 – September 23
Libra - September 24- October 23
The predictions I made for you last
month were incorrect due to flaws in
my starcharts. The Lottery win is due
this month, along with the satin sheath
dress and the invitation to drinks with
Oh, Libra, you are in a jam. The stars
don’t really hold much promise for
you this month. Why not have a nice,
long, sleep and just let it slip by?
Scorpio - October 24 – November 22
Sagittarius - November 23 – December
You will meet a beautiful woman who
you will be besotted with, but who will
reject you. Get your revenge in first
and tell her to beat it. Her name is
The time has come for you to shape up
and face the future. Then again, if you
don’t feel like it, that’s okay.
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