A Cat From Canada
down really hard. My objective was to knock him out cold, not
maim or kill him.
It would’ve been an honour and a joy to take down a human
being. I’d done it before and I was looking forward to doing it
again. I don’t hate all humans, just the bad ones.
After he was out cold I’d run back home and tell my pretend
parents to call the police. It appeared that simple. But then,
my plan collapsed like a deck of cards.
“Chip, what are you doing? Why are you crouched down like
that? Wait, you’re intending to attack that man across the
“Dad, please be quiet! I’ve formed a fool-proof attack
Chip, I’m ordering you to turn around and come into our
home. I’m your pretend father, so you can’t argue or disobey
I turned around and then grudgingly galloped back into our
mansion with my father at my tail. Meanwhile, I was pissed off
“Chip, go wash up so we can have breakfast together. Mom’s
waiting for us. She’s starving.
Mom has prepared a delightful breakfast including but
certainly not limited to your favourite entries ... French toast
swimming in syrup with a large dab of margarine on top and an
egg and cheese muffin sandwich.”
After hearing those words I sprinted to the restroom
nearest to me, entered it and then washed and dried myself off.
In a jiffy I was seated at the breakfast table beside my
dad and facing my mom.
The kitchen table was full of good food and drinks. The
first thing that I did was grin at my parents. I then drank some
I’ve always enjoyed dipping chunks of French toast deep
into syrup then pulling out the chunk and eating it. The eggs,
muffins, milk, margarine, juice and toast were terrific.
We ate on a round table, covered with a flower-designed
table cloth. That was my pretend mom’s idea. Initially, I’d put
up an argument but back down. She wasn’t going to change her
mind. I could tell that my dad was afraid to even try to reason
with my mom on this particular issue. Let bygones be bygones, as
those wise ones often say.
“Chip, guess what? We’re going to take a vacation. Dad says
he wants to go to Mexico, then back to northern California,
Oregon, Washington and British Columbia in Canada.”
“Mom, I’m not stupid. I know where British Columbia is ...
it’s in Canada.”