7 Ways to Live Life to the Max by Dennis R. Curyer M.A - HTML preview

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7 Ways to Live Life to the MAX

The Ultimate Power

Our mental faculties are like servants. They will always carry out our requests and, what’s more, they do not really care what our requests are. If you want to be happy they will make sure you are happy. If you want to be unhappy they will oblige. They will grant you your every wish.

William James the psychologist introduced the “as if” principle. This idea is to act as if you already have it. Socrates said it this way: “Seem the man you wish to be.”

Successful actors play a part as if they are the real people they are playing. For that moment they become the real people, the idea is potent. It means you become what you think about. Within the seeds of this principle you can create or destroy. This has to be the ultimate in power.

You must seize control of your thoughts and not allow your repertoire of excuses to dominate your life. If you live by this repertoire what will you become? There are those who live each day with their excuses as their mission statement. This has to be mental poverty.

The Temple of Sais

There is an ancient story told of a young man who was driven by a strong desire for knowledge and insight. He visited Sais, a city in ancient Egypt, in order to be initiated into the secret wisdom of the Egyptians.

In the temple he beheld a huge veiled statue. Being inquisitive, he asked his guide what was behind the veil. In answer to his question the guide told him that the veil covered deity and hid the truth. It also carried a warning that no mortal was allowed to lift it.

Possessed as he was by wanting to know the truth, the young man slipped into the temple at midnight and tore the veil from the statue of deity.

The next morning he was found in the temple in a state of stupor. Nobody ever found out what he had beheld, but from that time on life held no more interest for

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him. He had received the kind of knowledge that made the things of this world obsolete.

With this kind of knowledge you realize how superficial most of this life is.

When you come to this realization, the saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”

takes on a new meaning. “You are born, you die, and much of what is in the middle is the small stuff.”

This should not be so hard to understand. How many times, when someone has mentioned something they are doing, you have responded by saying, “Been there, done that”. This is another way of saying, “I have moved on from that point. It no longer has the same interest for me”.

I was listening to two young men speaking recently about their four-wheel drive vehicles. It was obvious from what they were saying that their cars were their passion and a large part of their life.

At their age I would have been doing the same thing like talking about the purple metallic paint job on my FJ Holden. At my age I am no longer interested in being a petrol head. That is not to say, that I do not enjoy driving in a comfortable safe car, I do. It is just that there are other things I consider to be of more substance.

A Defining Moment

If you knew that you had a limited time to live would it make a difference to how you lived? I have talked with people who have faced death. Upon being spared they now see and live life from a different perspective. They no longer worry about the things they once did. Having received the bonus of extra life it is now lived with appreciation and meaning. They do not sweat the small stuff.

A recent newspaper article reported a story of a man who visited the hospital to have tests done. X-rays were taken of his lungs. Fourteen days later his doctor informed him the results indicated he had cancer. That evening he informed his family who were filled with anguish. One of the children said, “We can’t lose you now.” The family said, “We went through hell all that night.”

I suppose, unless we had been through a similar experience, it would be hard to imagine the feelings that would be engendered by such news. How differently

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we would live these final months and days of our lives. We would let the trivia go for the real things in life.

In this particular report, the next morning the doctor rang his patient and informed him of a terrible mistake. The X-rays were those of another patient with a similar name. He exclaimed, “I had felt the whole world had been lifted off my shoulders. I had been issued a death sentence and it had been taken away”.

On the one hand he had a feeling of relief knowing that he had been given a new lease on life, on the other hand his feelings were tempered with a stark reality that someone else had received those results. He said, “I just feel so sorry and have so much sympathy for that person and their family who has to go through the real thing.”

What effect do you think this experience would have on your life? Why wait until we get a wake-up call? Does some tragic event have to happen in our life before we act? Sometimes we are jolted into reality when something happens to a close friend or relative. These experiences can be defining moments in our life.

Live every day as if it were your last by creating a quality that enables you to enjoy life to the max.

Do Not Procrastinate Life

A client, whose father was an Italian immigrant worked hard in his fruit shop for many years. At seven o’clock each morning I would pass his shop while he would be polishing his apples.

His son told me what could be considered a tragic story. His father was waiting until retirement when he and his wife would sell the fruit shop and go back to the old country to visit their relatives. Retirement came and the fruit shop was sold.

On the day he was to leave for Italy he had a massive heart attack and died. He never saw Italy.

I was about twenty-five years old at the time and this experience, among others, encouraged me not to put things off until the future, not to wait until retirement or when I was older. For me, life was going to be lived up front, now and not later. Do not procrastinate living life. Existing is not living.

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The Cycle of Life

In life we observe that there are seasons and cycles. By their nature they change.

Nothing stays the same. Life is a succession of events. Understanding this makes life easier to live.

What is born will die, what dies will be born.

What has been gathered will be dispersed, what has been dispersed will be gathered.

What has been accumulated will be exhausted, what has been exhausted will be accumulated.

What has been built up will collapse, what has collapsed will be built up.

What has been high will be brought low and what has been low will be made high.

To live life successfully we must be prepared for change and to change. Most of us do not like change because it forces us to learn new things. We prefer to be in our comfort zone, a place where we enjoy the safety and security of everything remaining the same. In reality the only thing in life that remains the same is change.

King Solomon

King Solomon expressed the idea this way:

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up; A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance;

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A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.

The Seasons of Our Life

From the day that we are born until the day that we say goodbye, our life is a series of seasons, each changing in their appropriate order.

Spring is the loveliest of all seasons. It is the time for birth, rebirth, and a renewal of life. If you like, it is the beginning of the cycle, a time of vigor and excitement, a looking forward to the future. Nature cannot contain herself; new shoots open on trees, buds and new foliage begin to appear. The fields and gardens burst into a mass of colors and declare, “I am here”.

Summer represents the maturity of life. This is a time when we learn and progress at a faster or different rate. Our children are born during this season. I use this term our children rather loosely as I agree with the Lebanese Poet, Kahlil Gibran, who expressed the idea that, “They are never really ours, only lent to us for a very short time.” As the wise have said, “Blessed is the man who has a quiver full.” This ensures the continuation of humanity.

We then have a season to teach them before they take over our roles. Our children become our teachers whether we like it or not. Most of us do not like it.

We resist the lessons they teach us. These lessons can be so difficult we feel we just cannot cope with them.

Some of us even refuse to learn from our teachers and so we sack them. We send them from their homes out into the world to become someone else’s teacher. At this rate our growth is slow.

As autumn approaches, our lifestyle changes. We begin to mellow. We are happy to sit back and watch the generation we have created now follow in our

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footsteps. Maybe it is this time we enjoy the fruits of our creation. Our grandchildren now share our life. With them we can try to repair some of the mistakes we made with their parents.

It is during this stage that we experience grief with the death of both of our parents. It is not until this happens that we are really grown up. We no longer seek the approval of mom and dad for our actions. We have now become orphans. There is more time in this season to consider the things that matter most. Goethe reminds us that these things should not be put at the mercy of the things that matter least.

Winter approaches. The days now are shorter and colder. The old is now getting older. Our windows to the world have lost the sharpness they enjoyed in their youth. The creative power has subsided and is no longer as vital and all consuming. The fire has all but gone out and only warm thoughts remain. The grinders have been used up and some have vacated the mouth. The keeper of the house, our bones, is now delicate and no longer supports the body as it did forty years ago. The body bends facing the earth like an overloaded grasshopper. Hard work has vanished and slipped into the night never to return. Sleep flees as we are awakened by the sound of a bird. The silver cord is soon to be cut, the pitcher to be broken and the mourner soon to be mourned.

When winter vanishes spring emerges. We are now prepared for the next stage of our existence, which will take place at another time in another form beyond the view of this life.

To understand and to accept change within the cycle of life brings to us a special level of peace and contentment worth more than gold.

The Only Season is Now

In another way there is only one season and that is now. Someone has said:

“There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back

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yesterday. We cannot undo a single act or erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its hopeful promise, and poor performance. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise and until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day, today. Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you add the burdens of those yesterdays and tomorrows that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives men mad, it is the remorse or bitterness that happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, live one day at a time”.

This is good counsel. Whatever has happened in the past is gone. Nothing can bring it back. It is ancient history. To live in the past is debilitating. Yes, we have all done and said things we wish we had not said and done, but no amount of wishing will change that.

The most valuable thing about the past is that we can learn from it, but I have to ask, “How many of us do?” Depending on your age, ask yourself this question: Are there mistakes you are now making that you were making ten or twenty years ago? If so, then the past is not even good to learn from. Therefore, let it go.

Cease to be its victim.

We cannot claim the future because it does not exist, or as Thomas Carlyle reminds us, “Our main business is not to see what lies dimly in the distance but to do what lies clearly at hand”.

When we arrive in the future it will not be there - it will be the “now.” The future can best be likened to a mirage. It has the appearance of being real but the water can never be reached.

It is in this realm that most people live their lives - always dreaming of how life will be great in the future: When I am married; when I have more money; when I have finished my education; when I have a bigger home, etc. Someone once said that life is what happens while you are planning for life to happen. We only have the present. It has no beginning and has no ending, so live in the present and enjoy it.

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An unknown poet said it this way:

Never mind about tomorrow -

It always is today;

Yesterday has vanished.

Wherever, none can say.

Each minute must be guarded, make worth the while

somehow there are no other moments;

It's always, Just Now.

Just now is the hour that's golden,

The moment to defend.

Just now is without beginning;

Just now can never end.

Then never mind tomorrow -

'Tis Today you must enjoy with all that's true and noble;

And the time for this is - Now!

Every Day is a Great Day

Ralph Waldo Emerson said,

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He, or she, is rich who owns the day and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with threat and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can.

Tomorrow is a new day. Begin it well and serenely with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.

Each day is a miniature lifetime, and your attitude concerning each day makes a difference. If you make today a good day and repeat that procedure daily, you’ll live a lifetime of good days. I confess that this approach to life is simple, but it is not simplistic.

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Occasionally, someone accuses me of saying that today is a good day regardless of how it is going. A degree of truth lies in that observation but, years ago, I decided that every day was going to be a good day. This expectation has had a direct influence on what has happened in my life and it can do the same for your life.

Expect today to be a good day, and then do what is necessary to make your expectations come true.

As with all things, I am the one who has to decide ‘will I eat at the banquet table of life or will I sit on the floor and eat the crumbs that fall from the table?’ It is up to me to make every day a great day.

The Scapegoats

When Adam was asked why he had eaten the forbidden fruit he blamed Eve.

When Eve was asked she blamed the Devil. This has become the established pattern for humanity. We are always blaming something or someone for our actions.

Edmund in Shakespeare’s King Lear said,

“This is the excellent foppery [obsession] of the world that, when we are sick in fortune, often the surfeit [over indulgence] of our own behavior. We make guilty of our own disasters, the sun, the moon, and the stars, as if we were villains by necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion.”

This pastime of blaming others can be observed at a personal, business, and national level. At a personal level we blame our parents. They did not give us a good start in life. It could be our spouse: “I am the way I am because of my spouse - he or she brings out the worst in me.” We blame our children, our mother in-law, and any others we can think of.

Someone said, “My parents messed up the first half of my life, my kids the second half.”

At a business level we usually blame the boss, the manager, and the people we work with. We conclude they are the reason that we get all the worst jobs. “I do

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not get promotions because the manager does not like me. I am always being victimized.”

At a national level the blame is laid on the politicians or some other nation. Most of us are familiar with the events leading up to the Holocaust. Adolph Hitler blamed the Jews for most of Germany’s economic problems.

Even in this great country of Australia we see graffiti that blames immigrants for our economic woes. We see signs telling them to go home. Fortunately these feelings belong to only a few people.

George Bernard Shaw said:

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and, if they can’t find them, they make them.”

It is the easiest thing to justify our actions by blaming others. As a part of one’s own personal development it is about time that we stopped blaming others. It is a sign of maturity to accept the consequences of our own actions. Whatever has happened in the past, we do not need to be held hostage by it. Do not let the past control your future.

The important issue is this: if you blame others, you are helpless to do anything, you are at their mercy. If you can find where you have some responsibility for the problem, then you gain power to improve things for yourself. “Whose fault is it?” is irrelevant. “What can I do to improve things for myself?” is the question to ask.

The Buck Stops Here

On the desk of the American President Harry Truman was a sign that read ‘The Buck Stops Here’. This sign reminded him that there were some decisions that only he could make. He could not delegate them nor could he blame another for their outcome.

We cannot live a productive and successful life by blaming others for what we may or may not be. We should own up and grow up to the fact that we are

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responsible for our own actions. With few exceptions we are where we are because we chose to be there. We make our own mistakes. We are naïve in our judgments. We make our decisions based on desire rather than reason. We trust the wrong people and distrust the right people, by moving in the wrong circles.

Let us not keep our scapegoats tethered in the garden of our excess but send them out into the wilderness never to return.

It is now time to change. This is the place and you are the person. You can re-engineer yourself by changing your attitude. It is your attitude that determines your altitude so why not aim for the sun?

The Halcyon Days of the Eighties

During the halcyon days of the eighties, money flowed like wine at the Feast of Bacchus. Banks threw money at you as you walked past by their doors.

I, like many others, made a number of financial mistakes that created great difficulties in my life. During the early nineties the rot had started to set in, unemployment and interest rates were high. The economy was falling apart - we were having “the recession we had to have.”

Someone had to be blamed for my mistakes. The first cab off the rank was the Prime Minister of Australia, Paul Keating, and his economic policies. Second in line were the insurance companies that paid me. They had reduced my commissions by a massive seventy-five percent. My income was decimated.

Next were the banks, always lovely people to do business with during a recession. In hot pursuit was the Taxation Office.

It took me ten hard years to pay my debts. In those years I learned many things -

lessons that I would never had learned had I not made those mistakes. After ten years my weaknesses had become my strengths. The Phoenix was rising out of the ashes.

In reality there was only one person to blame and that was my wife!

No, I am only joking. It was my fault, fair and square. I had to stop blaming others for my mistakes. It was time for me to stop playing the role of the victim and become the victor.

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The Crows and Canaries

Years ago I worked in management for a large insurance company. One of my responsibilities was to recruit people to sell life insurance. Selling life insurance twenty-five years ago was not an easy job.

Certain characteristics were required. To determine the suitability of a person we would have them do a psychologically based test. This test was a series of questions with multiple-choice answers. As the turnover of people in this business was extremely high, it was important to determine which applicants were more likely to succeed.

The assessment was called the crow and canary. The idea behind it was that crows squawk while canaries sing. Those who were crows, according to the test, were not employed. The work was so difficult that out of one hundred people recruited in a year, ninety-eight would leave in the same year.

The crows saw a problem in every solution while the canaries saw a solution in every problem.

The crows whinged and moaned about every possible thing. The economy was terrible. Nobody was buying life insurance; the company was not supporting them. The list was endless. On the other hand the canaries sang, whatever needed to be done they got on with it. Although their difficulties were the same as the crows’, they worked through them.

The canaries are the extra milers. In Roman times mileposts were placed along the highways. Under Roman law in Palestine, Jews were required to carry the baggage of a Roman soldier one mile. Jesus of Nazareth said in this regard, “And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.”

This requires a new way of thinking, a change of attitude, tradition and custom.

We must now think in terms of doing more not less. As you choose to go two