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WORK

(and the Workplace)

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Chosen and Arranged by Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of: Real Success Without a Real Job

COPYRIGHT © 2006/2007 by Ernie J. Zelinski
MOST RIGHTS RESERVED

You have permission to post, e-mail, and pass this valuable E-book along for free to anyone you like, as long as you make no changes to its contents or format. The right to use material from this E-book in other forms is prohibited. You can have the movie rights, however, provided that you share half of the profits with Ernie Zelinski and give him the staring role along with Sharon Stone.

Direct all other inquiries to:

Ernie Zelinski
VIP BOOKS
P.O. Box 4072
Edmonton, Alberta,
Canada, T6E 4S8
Phone 780-434-9202
E-mail: vip-books@telus.net

ii

Introduction

"It is a good thing for an educated man," declared Winston Churchill, "to read books of quotations." Anatole France advised, "When a thing has been said and said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it." Not to be outdone, George Bernard Shaw once remarked, "I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversations."

No doubt few things spice up an article, a book, a conversation, or a speech more than a well-chosen quotation. Given that work is one of the most written and talked about subjects in Western society, there should be a book of great quotations about work and the workplace. This is the book!

Organized into over 125 categories for easy reference, this is the ultimate guide about work for the professional speaker, journalist, author, career advisor, life coach, and connoisseur of great quotations. It also makes great reading for just about everyone.

This book has it all: Wisdom. Ridicule. Irony. Sarcasm. Paradox. Nonsense. Comedy. Mockery. Social commentary. Valuable insight. All told, you have in your possession the 1001 best things ever said about work and the workplace.

iii

Table of Contents

Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, place your cursor on the respective subject.

Ability ...........................................................................1
Accomplishing the Impossible .................................2
Action...........................................................................4
Aggravations of Work ................................................5
Ambition .....................................................................8
Artists at Work ........................................................ 10
Bad Days at Work ................................................... 12
Boring Work ............................................................. 13
Breaking New Ground ........................................... 15
Bureaucracy............................................................. 16
Busyness ................................................................. 17
Careers..................................................................... 19
Career Advice ......................................................... 20
Change in the Workplace ..................................... 23
Committees.............................................................. 24
Communication in the Workplace ........................ 26
Competence ........................................................... 27
Competition ............................................................. 29
Computers .............................................................. 31
Creativity in the Workplace.................................... 34
Crisis Management................................................. 36
Dating People at Work .......................................... 37
Delegation................................................................ 37

Table of Contents (Continued)

Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, place your cursor on the respective subject.

Difficulty at Work ..................................................... 39
Diplomacy in the Workplace ................................ 40
Dream Jobs ............................................................ 41
Dress in the Workplace.......................................... 42
Earning a Living ..................................................... 44
Eccentrics at Work ................................................. 45
Education and Training .......................................... 47
Efficiency and Efficient Workers ........................... 50
Enjoyment of Work ................................................. 52
Equality .................................................................... 55
Evils of Work ........................................................... 59
Excellence at Work ................................................. 61
Experience ............................................................... 63
Experts and Specialists in the Workplace........... 64
Failure ...................................................................... 66
Freedom and Work ................................................. 69
Friends and Work.................................................... 70
Fun in the Workplace ............................................. 71
Geniuses at Work ................................................... 73
Getting Employment .............................................. 74
Getting Fired ........................................................... 76
Goals ......................................................................... 78
Government Workers ............................................. 81
Gratitude for Work .................................................. 82

v

Table of Contents (Continued)

Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, place your cursor on the respective subject.

Happiness in the Workplace ................................ 83
Hard Work ................................................................ 85
Hard Work and Wealth........................................... 87
Haste ......................................................................... 88
Having a Balanced Lifestyle .................................. 90
Health in the Workplace......................................... 93
Hiring the Right People ......................................... 94
Holidays and Vacations ........................................ 97
Housework ............................................................... 99
Humor in the Workplace ......................................100
Ideas .......................................................................103
Idleness ..................................................................105
Ignorance ...............................................................107
Imagination ............................................................107
Incompetence .......................................................109
Innovation ..............................................................110
Integrity in the Workplace ....................................111
Intellectual Work ..................................................112
Intelligence in the Workplace .............................113
Jobs ........................................................................114
Job Security ..........................................................116
Knowledge .............................................................117
Laziness .................................................................117
Leadership .............................................................120

Table of Contents (Continued)

Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, place your cursor on the respective subject.

Leisure and Work .................................................124
Leisurely Lifestyle .................................................126
Life and Work ........................................................128
Life-Long Career ...................................................129
Loving Your Work .................................................129
Luck.........................................................................132
Management ..........................................................133
Manual Labor ........................................................136
Marriage and Work ...............................................138
Meetings .................................................................139
Mistakes ................................................................140
Morality of Work ....................................................142
Motivation to Work ................................................142
Multi-Tasking ........................................................143
New Ventures ........................................................145
Not Working for a Living ......................................145
Obvious Solutions .................................................146
Opportunity ...........................................................146
Overwork ..............................................................147
Paperwork ..............................................................150
Patience ................................................................151
Perfection ...............................................................152
Persistence ...........................................................154
Plans .......................................................................155

vii

Table of Contents (Continued)

Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, place your cursor on the respective subject.

Power......................................................................156
Praise and Recognition........................................157
Pride........................................................................158
Problem Solving ...................................................158
Procrastination ......................................................161
Productivity in the Workplace ...........................163
Professions and Professionals ...........................165
Progress ................................................................167
Promotions ............................................................169
Punctuality in the Workplace ..............................170
Purpose of Work ..................................................171
Research and Reports .........................................173
Results ...................................................................174
Retirement from Work ..........................................175
Rewards from Work .............................................178
Risk Taking ............................................................179
Rocking the Boat ..................................................180
Rules in the Workplace .......................................181
Rules of Work .......................................................182
Quitting Work ........................................................183
Salaries and Wages ............................................185
Schedules .............................................................186
Secrets to Success at One's Work.....................187
Self-Employment...................................................188

viii

Table of Contents (Continued)

Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, place your cursor on the respective subject.

Shabby Work .........................................................189
Speech Making ....................................................190
Statistics .................................................................192
Stress in the Workplace ......................................193
Success ..................................................................194
Talent .....................................................................197
Teamwork ..............................................................198
Time Management ...............................................200
Unemployment .....................................................202
Unions .....................................................................204
Unusual Ways to Earn a Living .........................205
Vocations ..............................................................207
Wasted Time ........................................................208
Winners and Losers ............................................209
Workaholics ...........................................................211
Working for Free ...................................................213
Working Fools ........................................................213
Worry and Work ....................................................214
Work Ethic .............................................................216
Working Smart and Not Hard..............................217
Writers at Work ....................................................219
Zen at Work ...........................................................221
About the Author ...................................................222
About Real Success Without a Real Job.......224

ix

 

Three Life-Changing Books by Ernie J. Zelinski

 

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Ability

 

00006.jpgWomen can do any job men can and give birth while doing it.

 

— Allan Heavey

 

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

 

— Oscar Wilde

You're no good unless you are a good assistant; and if you are, you're too good to be an assistant.

— Martin H. Fischer

 

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

— John G. Pollard
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

— John Wooden

There are two kinds of people who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else.

— Cyrus Curtis

 

With my brains and your looks, we could go places.

 

— Actor John Garfield in the movie The Postman Always Rings Twice

 

Accomplishing the Impossible

Man is the only creature that strives to surpass himself, and yearns for the impossible.

— Eric Hoffer

 

The difficult we do immediately, the impossible takes a little longer.

— World War II military slogan
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little ways past them into the impossible.

— Arthur C. Clarke

 

00007.jpgA great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

 

— Walter Gagehot

Man is always more than he can know of himself; consequently, his accomplishments, time and again, will come as a surprise to him.

— Golo Mann

 

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. — Doug Larson

 

Action

 

The great end of life is not knowledge but action.

 

— Thomas Henry Huxley

 

Action should culminate in wisdom.

 

— Bhagavad Gita

 

Inaction may be the highest form of action.

 

— Jerry Brown

 

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There is nothing brilliant nor outstanding in my record, except perhaps this one thing: I do the things that I believe ought to be done .... And when I make up my mind to do a thing, I act.

— Theodore Roosevelt

So many worlds, so much to do, So little done, such things to be. — Lord Tennyson

Aggravations of Work

 

If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.

 

— Malcolm Forbes

 

Boy, the things I do for England.

 

— Prince Charles (on sampling snake meat)

 

You are no bigger than the things that annoy you.

 

— Jerry Bundsen

 

It's only work if somebody makes you do it. — Calvin in Calvin and Hobbes cartoon

 

Employees who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do. — Unknown wise person

 

Never complain about your troubles; they are responsible for more than half of your income.

— Robert Updegraff
When you go in search of honey you must expect to be stung by bees.

— Kenneth Kaunda

 

Little things affect little minds. — Benjamin Disraeli

 

You can and you must expect suffering. — Mother Teresa

 

When you're going through hell, keep going. — Albert Einstein

 

Men are disturbed not by things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen. — Epictetus

 

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

 

— Mark Twain

 

Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly. — Thomas Jefferson

 

A Bold, Unconventional Career Book By Ernie J. Zelinski

 

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It's for “organizationally

averse” individuals who don’t want to work at a real job — but want to make a real good living!

 

It's for people who want

to attain financial
independence without having to suffer for it!

 

It's for individuals who

are heavily committed to having “fun” in their work and who want more freedom in their lives!

Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at these direct links:
www.Amazon.com
www.BarnesandNoble.com

Ambition

 

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At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.

— Salvador Dali

Ambition often puts men upon doing the meanest offices; so climbing is performed in the same position with creeping.

— Jonathan Swift

 

God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much more ambitious project. — Graffiti

 

Ambition — it is the last infirmity of noble minds.

 

— J. M. Barrie

 

Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. — Oscar Wilde

 

Ambition if it feeds at all, does so on the ambition of others.

 

— Susan Sontag

The slave has but one master, the ambitious man has as many as there are persons whose aid may contribute to the advancement of his fortunes.

— Jean de La Bruyère

 

No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings.

 

— William Blake

Ambition is a Dead Sea fruit, and the greatest peril to the soul is that one is likely to get precisely what he is seeking.

— Edward Dahlberg

If men cease to believe that they will one day become gods then they will surely become worms.

— Henry Miller

 

Artists at Work

 

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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

— Elvis Presley

Working in the theater has a lot in common with unemployment.

— Arthur Gingold

 

You can make a killing as a playwright in America, but you can't make a living.

 

— Sherwood Anderson

 

I always suspect an artist who is successful before he is dead.

 

— John Murray Fitzgibbon

It is very good advice to believe only what an artist does, rather than what he says about his work.

— David Hockney
When actors begin to think, it's time for a change. They are not fitted for it.

— Stephen Leacock

 

Individuality of expression is the beginning and end of all art.

 

— Johannes Wolfgang von Goethe

Modern art is when you buy a picture to cover a hole in the wall and then decide that the hole looks much better.

— Unknown wise person

 

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. — Noël Coward

No one has ever written, painted, sculpted, modeled, built, or invented except literally to get out of hell.

— Antonin Artaud

 

If more than ten percent of the public likes a painting, it should be burned.

 

— George Bernard Shaw

 

Bad Days at Work

There are days when it
takes all you've got just
to keep up with the
losers.

— Robert Orben

 

Smile. Tomorrow will be

 

00012.jpgworse.

 

— Unknown wise person

If a project is going wrong, always blame one of your colleagues — but not an intelligent one.

— Joep Schrijvers

Swallow a toad in the morning if you want to encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day.

— Nicolas Chamfort

 

A bad workman always blames his tools. — French proverb

 

It's a good rule to follow the first law of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.

 

— Denis Healey

 

It is always with the best intentions that the worst work is done.

 

— Oscar Wilde

 

Boring Work

 

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If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches.

— Rainer Maria Rilke

A tremendous number of people in America work very hard at something that bores them. Even a rich man thinks he has to go down to the office everyday. Not because he likes it but because he can't think of anything else to do.

— W. H. Auden
Work is not a curse, but drudgery is. — Henry Ward Beecher

To do the same thing over and over again is not only boredom; it is to be controlled by rather than to control what you do.

— Heraclitus

 

I had a boring office job. I cleaned the windows in the envelopes.

 

— Rita Rudner

You are what you do. If you do boring, stupid, monotonous work, chances are you'll end up boring, stupid, and monotonous.

— Bob Black

 

The less of routine, the more of life. — A. B. Alcott

 

Nothing is interesting if you're not interested. — Helen MacInness

 

Breaking New Ground

Faced with having to change our views or prove that there is no need to do so, most of us immediately get busy on the proof.

— John Kenneth Galbraith

 

If people knew what they had to do to be successful, most people wouldn't.

 

— Lord Thomson of Fleet

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

— Alan Ashley-Pitt

 

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. — Louis Aragon

 

It takes a strong fish to swim against the current. Even a dead one can float with it.

— John Crowe
The difficult and risky task of meeting and mastering the new . . . is not undertaken by the vanguard of society but by its rear. It is the misfits, failures, fugitives, outcasts and their like who are among the first to grapple with the new.

— Eric Hoffer

Some men see things as they are and ask, "Why?" I see them as they have never been and ask, "Why not?"

— George Bernard Shaw

 

Bureaucracy

Guidelines for Bureaucrats: 1. When in charge, ponder. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in doubt, mumble.

— James H. Boren

 

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.

— Laurence J. Peter
Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.

— Honaré de Balzac

 

Busyness

 

Some folks can look so busy doing nothin' that they seem indispensable.

 

— Kin Hubbard

The curse of me and my nation is that we always think things can be bettered by immediate action of some sort, any sort rather than no sort.

— Ezra Pound

Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.

— Thomas Edison

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The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.

— John Jensen

 

So little time and so little to do.

 

— Oscar Levant

 

It is not enough to be busy . . . . the question is: what are we busy about?

 

— Henry David Thoreau

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I managed to get so much done and still look so dissipated.

— Robert Benchley

The writing of more than 75 poems in any fiscal year should be punishable by a fine of $500.

— Ed Sanders

 

Careers

 

00015.jpgA career is a job that has gone on too long.

 

— Jeff MacNelly

 

People don't choose their careers; they are engulfed by them.

 

— John Dos Passos

Sometimes you wonder how you got on this mountain. But sometimes you wonder, "How will I get off?"

— Joan Manley

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President: I'm beginning to believe it.

— Clarence Darrow

 

My uncle was the town drunk — and we lived in Chicago.

— George Gobel
The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week.

— Robert Frost

 

Career Advice

 

00016.jpgFind a calling you love and you will never work a day in your life. — Confucius

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.

— Paula Poundstone

The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit. Try, if you can, to belong to the first class. There's far less competition.

— Dwight Morrow

 

In politics stupidity is not a hardship. — Napoleon

 

The Life-Changing Career Book By Ernie J. Zelinski

Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job

00017.jpg

It's a great starting place for turning your career life around 180 degrees.

It's the resource that will help you identify what's important in your life so that you can disregard the rest.

It’s about learning the ten most important traits of the ideal micro-business so that you can start your own.

“Ernie Zelinski helps others find the time to live.” — Boston Herald
Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at:
www.Amazon.com
www.BarnesandNoble.com

 

Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade." Instead learn the trade.

 

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.

— Abraham Maslow

Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

— Kin Hubbard

The deepest personal defeat suffered by human beings is constituted by the difference between what one was capable of becoming and what one has in fact become.

— Ashley Montagu

If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

— Homer Simpson

 

Change in the Workplace

Only man is not content to leave things as they are but must always be changing them, and when he has done so, is seldom satisfied with the result.

— Elspeth Huxley

 

If you want to make enemies, try to change something.

 

— Woodrow Wilson

What we would like to stay the same is changing and what we would like to change insists on staying the same.

— Unknown wise person

You think that you understand the situation, but what you don't understand is the situation has just changed.

— Workplace graffiti

 

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

— French proverb
Things are bad enough around here without some management guru coming around to change things.

— Workplace graffiti

 

Committees

 

00018.jpg

Having served on various committees, I have drawn up a list of rules: Never arrive on time; this stamps you as a beginner. Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as wise. Be as vague as possible; this avoids irritating the others. When in doubt, suggest a subcommittee be appointed. Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular; it's what everyone is waiting for.

— Harry Chapman
A committee of three gets things done if two don't show up.

— Unknown wise person

 

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. — Richard Harness

A committee is a group of important individuals who singly can do nothing but who together agree that nothing can be done.

— Fred Allen

 

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and quietly strangled.

 

— Sir Barnett Cocks

 

If you see a snake, just kill it don't appoint a committee on snakes.

 

H. Ross Perot

 

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

 

— Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree

 

Communication in the Workplace

 

00019.jpgNo one ever listened himself out of a job. — Calvin Coolidge

 

It's not what you say but the way you say it. — French proverb

 

Words that do not match deeds are not important.

 

— Ernesto Che Guevara

 

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

 

— Tom Lehrer

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.

— Samuel Goldwyn

 

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

— Henry J. Kaiser
When angry, count ten, before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.

— Thomas Jefferson

 

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

 

— Robert Benchley

 

If you have something of importance to say, for God's sake start at the end.

 

— Sarah Jeannette Duncan

 

If you have any problems at all, don't hesitate to shut up.

 

— Robert Mankoff

 

Competence

 

He who knows best knows how little he knows.

— Thomas Jefferson
If at first you don't succeed, you may be at your level of incompetence already.

— Laurence J. Peter

 

If there's one pitch you keep swinging at and keep missing, stop swinging at it.

 

— Yogi Berra

 

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. — Bertrand Russell

 

He mastered whatever was not worth the knowing.

 

— James Russell Lowell

 

Even a thief takes ten

 

years to learn his trade

 

— Japanese proverb

 

00020.jpgCompetence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

— Laurence J. Peter
It is easier to appear worthy of a position one does not hold, than of the office which one fills.

— François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

 

In most hierarchies, supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.

 

— Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Hull

 

Competition

 

00021.jpg

The price which society pays for the law of competition, like the price it pays for cheap comforts and luxuries, is great; but the advantages of this law are also greater still than its cost- for it is to this law that we owe our wonderful material development, which brings improved conditions in its train.

— Andrew Carnegie
Choose the right moment to bad-mouth your rivals. A "good" rat will attack only three times a month, for up to five minutes at a time.

— Joep Schrijvers

Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man winning than the man who inherited his father's store or farm.

— C. Wright Mills

 

Never battle with a man who has nothing to lose, for then the conflict is unequal.

 

— Baltasar Gracian

The general fact is that the most effective way of utilizing human energy is through an organized rivalry, which by specialization and social control is, at the same time, organized co-operation.

— Charles Horton Cooley

 

The Way of the sage is to act but not to compete.

 

— Lao Tzu

 

Computers

The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

— Werner von Braun

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.

— Joseph Weizenbaum

 

00022.jpgTo err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

 

— from 1978 Farmer's Almanac

 

Why shouldn't a PC work like a refrigerator or a toaster?

 

— Walter Mossberg

 

Some things were never meant to be solved. — Unknown wise person in response To err is human — and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

 

— Robert Orben

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

— Andy Rooney

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity?

— Steve Polyak

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.

— Merle L Meacham

Computers can solve all kinds of problems except the unemployment problem they create.

— Laurence J. Peter

00023.jpg

The computer is a moron.
— Peter Drucker

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.

— Sydney J. Harris

 

The bigger the bore, the greater the knowledge of computers.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

 

— Pablo Picasso

 

Creativity in the Workplace

 

Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.

 

— Dr. E. Land

It's not enough to be the best at what you do. You must be perceived as the only one who does what you do.

— Jerry Garcia

You have to be original. If you're like everyone else, what do they need you for?

— B. Peters

 

00024.jpgWhen all is said and done, monotony may after all be the best condition for creation. — Margaret Sackville

 

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.

— P. B. Medawar
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

— David H. Comins

 

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

 

— Unknown wise person

RULE 1: Break every company rule except this one if you want to be creative. RULE 2: Ignore Rule 1 if you want to continue working here.

— Workplace graffiti

In an industrial society which confuses work and productivity, the necessity of producing has always been an enemy of the desire to create.

— Raoul Vaneigem

 

It's not creative unless it sells.

 

— Motto of Benton & Bowles Advertising Agency

 

Crisis Management

It's easier to stay out of trouble than get out of trouble.

— Unknown wise person

 

Always take an emergency leisurely. — Chinese proverb

 

00025.jpg

If you keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you don't understand the problem.

— Unknown wise person

 

There can't be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

 

— Henry Kissinger

 

Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Dating People at Work

 

00026.jpg

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax deductible.

— Andy Warhol

Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.

— P. J. O'Rourke

 

There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making sausages. — Laurence Sterne

 

Delegation

You call this a script? Give me a couple of 5,000-dollar-a-week writers and I will write it myself.

— Joe Pasternak (movie producer)
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

— Ambrose Bierce

 

00027.jpgNothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

 

— A. H. Weiler

One of the best ways of avoiding necessary and even urgent tasks is to seem to be busily employed on things that are already done.

— John Kenneth Galbraith
I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything for myself that I could pay others to do for me.

— W. Somerset Maugham

Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you.

— Mark Twain

 

00028.jpgI don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.

 

— Katherine Cebrian

 

Success means only doing what you do well, letting someone else do the rest.

 

— Goldstein S. Truism

 

Difficulty at Work

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office.

— Robert Frost
If you can't keep up, drag them down to your level.

— Laurence J. Peter

 

If there's a harder way of doing something, someone will find it.

 

— Ralph E. Ross

 

When the going gets tough, the smart get lost. — Robert Byrne

 

Diplomacy in the Workplace

 

00029.jpg

Diplomacy is letting someone else have your way.

— Lester Pearson

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Caskie Stinnett

 

Dream Jobs

 

00030.jpg

I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.

— Paula Poundstone

You have to know exactly what you want out of your career. If you want to be a star, you don't bother with other things.

— Marilyn Horne

You are never given a wish without also the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

— Richard Bach
What I aspired to be
And was not, comforts me. — Robert Browning

The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.

 

— Arnold Toynbee

 

I have the same goal I've had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world.

 

— Madonna

 

The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.

 

— Arnold Toynbee

 

CLICK HERE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO WORK AT AN UNREAL JOB OR RUN A FUNKY BUSINESS
Dress in the Workplace

 

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

— Warren Buffett
Being a well-dressed man is a career, and he who goes in for it has no time for anything else.

— Heywood Broun

 

00031.jpgYou'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.

 

— Dolly Parton

I was trying to think the other day about what you do now in America if you want to be successful. Before, you were dependable and wore a good suit. Looking around, I guess that today you have to do all the same things but not wear a good suit. I guess that's all it is. Think rich. Look poor.

— Andy Warhol

 

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. — Oscar Wilde

 

Earning a Living

There is no more fatal blunderer than he who consumes the greater part of his life getting his living.

— Henry David Thoreau

 

Most people are too busy earning a living to make any [real] money. — Joe Karbo

I say to hell with the work you have to do to earn a living! That kind of work does us no honor; all it does is fill up the bellies of the pigs who exploit us. But the work you do because you like to do it, because you've heard the call, you've got a vocation — that's ennobling! We should all be able to work like that. Look at me, Saturno — I don't work. And I don't care if they hang me, I won't work! Yet I'm alive! I may live badly, but at least I don't have to work to do it!

— Luis Buñuel

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Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching.

— Mark Twain

Don't be a salary slave! If you are going to do anything in this world, you must start before you are forty, before your period of initiative has ended. Do it now!

Robert Cochrane

A lot of us are working harder than we want, at things we don't like to do. Why? It figures! In order to afford the sort of existence we don't care to live.

— Bradford Angier

 

That man who knows too many trades . . . . his family starves.

 

— Chinese proverb

 

Eccentrics at Work

 

That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of the time.

— John Stuart Mill
Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.

— Dame Edith Sitwell

 

No one can be profoundly original who does not avoid eccentricity. — André Maurois

 

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Eccentricity has always abounded when and where strength of character has abounded; and the amount of eccentricity in a society has generally been proportional to the amount of genius, mental vigour, and moral courage which it contained.

— John Stuart Mill

 

Those who are different change the world. Those who are ordinary keep it that way.

— Unknown wise person
We are obliged to regard many of our original minds as crazy at least until we have become as clever as they are.

— G. C. Lichtenberg

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.

— Bertrand Russell

 

Education and Training

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

— Mark Twain

 

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. — Peter Drucker

 

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

— Finley Peter Dunne

00034.jpg

To make headway, improve your head. — B. C. Forbes

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.

 

— John Wooden

 

The dog too old to learn new tricks always has been.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

 

— Unknown wise person

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.

— Theodore Roosevelt

 

An education obtained with money is worse than no education at all.

— Socrates
You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

— Jeff Foxworthy

 

Economics 101 won't get you off welfare, but at least you will know why you are there. — Graffiti at a university

 

All intellectual improvement arises from leisure.

 

— Samuel Johnson

 

00035.jpg

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the damn good would that do?

— Ronnie Shakes

 

A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.

— Benjamin Franklin
We all need an education in the obvious. — Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Efficiency and Efficient Workers

When action grows unprofitable, gather
information; when information grows
unprofitable, sleep.

Ursula K. Le Guin

 

What I do, I do very well, and what I don't

 

do well, I don't do at all.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

00036.jpgIt is not worth while to go round the world to

 

count the cats in Zanzibar.

 

— Henry David Thoreau

Most people are such fools that it is really no
great compliment to say that someone is
above the average.

— W. Somerset Maugham
Make good use of bad rubbish. — Elizabeth Beresford

Never trouble another for what you can do yourself.

 

— Thomas Jefferson

 

Astronomers, like burglars and jazz musicians, operate best at night.

 

— Miles Kingson

When you are doing something difficult, tedious, or extremely time-consuming, ask yourself what would happen if you didn't do it. If the answer is nothing, or next to nothing, stop doing it.

— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job

One principal reason why people are so often useless is that they neglect their own profession or calling, and divide and shift their attention among a multitude of objects and pursuits.

— Nathaniel Emmons
The really efficient laborer will be found not to crowd his day with work, but will saunter to his task surrounded by a wide halo of ease and leisure.

— Henry David Thoreau

 

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

 

— G. K. Chesterton

 

Never let your boss know that you exist. — Workplace graffiti

 

Enjoyment of Work

 

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Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.

— Finley Peter Dunne

 

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
My father taught me to work, but not to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh — anything but work.

— Abraham Lincoln

 

No one hates his job so heartily as a farmer. — H. L. Mencken

I never thought of achievement. I just did what came along for me to do — the thing that gave me the most pleasure.

— Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Life without absorbing occupation is hell. — Elbert Hubbard

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you'll have more success than you could possibly have imagined.

— Roger Caras
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.

— William Feather

 

00038.jpgNothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am afraid that the pleasantness of an employment does not always evince its propriety.

— Jane Austen

I'm a free soul who hates paying attention to things I am not interested in. Consequently, I have rarely been comfortable in the role of 'employee.'

— Steve Solomon

 

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

— George Burns
No longer diverted by other emotions, I work the way a cow grazes.

— Käthe Kollwitz

 

The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.

 

— Mother Teresa

 

Equality in the Workplace

 

00039.jpgYou can't hold a man down without staying down with him.

 

— Booker T. Washington

 

Always suspect any job men willingly vacate for women.

— Jill Tweedie
In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much more courteous for that man to give her his job.

— P. J. O'Rourke

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.

— Bob Dylan

Men now monopolize the upper levels . . . . depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.

— Laurence J. Peter

 

Inferiors revolt in order that they be equal, and equals that they be superior.

 

— Aristotle

 

Equality is what does not exist among mortals. — e. e. cummings

Women now get men's
wages, but they always
have.

— Unknown wise person

That all men are equal is a
proposition to which, at
ordinary times, no sane
individual has ever given
his assent.

— Aldous Huxley

 

00040.jpgSometimes the best man for the job isn't.

 

— Unknown wise person

I'm all for ERA. I want to see women equal to
men — not so damn superior like they've
been.

— Nipsey Russell

Men are vain; but they won't mind women
working so long as they get smaller wages for
the same job.

— Irvin S. Cobb
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.

— Gloria Steinem

 

Beware of the man who praises women's liberation; he is about to quit his job.

 

— Erica Jong

Idiots are always in favour of inequality of income (their only chance of eminence), and the really great in favour of equality.

George Bernard Shaw

Whether women are better than men I cannot say — but I can say they are certainly no worse.

— Golda Meir

 

Take your secretary to lunch. He'll appreciate it.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Six feet of earth make all men equal. — James Howell

 

Evils of Work

 

00041.jpgWork is a necessary evil to be avoided. — Mark Twain

 

Work is the curse of the drinking class. — Oscar Wilde

Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.

— Robert Louis Stevenson

Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.

— Mark Twain

The Joy of Not Working

A Book for the Retired, Unemployed, and Overworked

 

00004.jpg

It's about learning to live every part of your life to the fullest.

It's about being more productive by working less.

It’s about pursuing
interesting leisure activities that make a difference in your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being!

It’s about being financially independent with less money.

Over 200,000 copies Sold Published in 16 languages

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Nothing makes a man so selfish as work. — George Bernard Shaw

One of the saddest things is that the only thing that a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours- all you can do for eight hours is work. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy.

— William Faulkner

 

Excellence at Work

 

00042.jpgPerfection is our goal, excellence will be tolerated.

— J. Yahl
I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.

— Michael J. Fox

 

Arrogance is too often the companion of excellence.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Only the mediocre are always at their best. — Jean Giraudoux

 

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

 

— Fred Allen

 

If my film makes one more person miserable, I'll feel I've done my job.

 

— Woody Allen

 

He did nothing in particular, and did it very well.

— W. S. Gilbert
God created man, but I could do better. — Erma Bombeck

If you don't do it excellently, don't do it at all. Because if it's not excellent, it won't be profitable or fun, and if you're not in business for fun or profit, what the hell are you doing here?

Robert Townsend

 

If you want a thing done well, do it yourself. — Japanese proverb

 

Experience

 

Experience is one thing you

 

can't get for nothing.

 

— Oscar Wilde

Experience teaches you to
recognize a mistake when
you've made it again.

00043.jpg

— Unknown wise person
Good judgment comes from experience; and experience comes from bad judgment.

— Unknown wise person

 

Sixty-five is the age when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job. — Unknown wise person

 

Experts and Specialists in the Workplace

 

The expert: an ordinary man, away from home, giving advice.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert. — Laurence J. Peter

If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities; in the expert's mind there are few.

— from Zen, Beginner's Mind

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less [until he knows a lot about nothing].

— Nicholas Murray Butler

 

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it.

 

— Robert Heinlein

 

No man can be a pure specialist without being in the strict sense an idiot. — George Bernard Shaw

An expert is a man who has stopped thinking. Why should he think? He is an expert.

— Frank Lloyd Wright

The function of the expert is not to be more right than other people, but to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons.

— Dr. David Butler

 

00044.jpgFailure

We live in an age of publicity and hype. There's something about success that dehumanizes you, whereas failure reminds you of who you really are.

— Norman Jewison

 

If at first you do succeed — try to hide your astonishment.

 

— Harry F. Banks

 

We are all failures — at least the best of us are.

 

— James M. Barrie

 

An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail.

 

— Dr. Edwin Land

If you get on the train today, you'll overpay your fare. But if you don't, you'll be left behind in the dust.

— Chinese proverb
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

— Thomas Edison

He that fails in his endeavors after wealth or power will not long retain either honesty or courage.

— Samuel Johnson

I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.

— George Patton

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.

— Laurence J. Peter

 

Be willing to lose a battle in order to win the war.

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

00045.jpg

When a man blames others for his failures, it's a good idea to credit others with his successes.

— Howard W. Newton

 

If at first you don't succeed, you're about average.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Failure has gone to his head. — Wilson Mizner

 

A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in the experience.

 

— Elbert Hubbard

 

Anybody seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life.

 

— Loeila, Duchess of Westminster

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

— W. C. Fields
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.

— Robert F. Kennedy

 

No man is a failure who is enjoying life. — William Feather

 

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

 

— Thomas Edison

 

Freedom and Work

 

To be at ease is better than to be at business. — Baltasar Gracián

 

A [typical] worker is a part-time slave. — Bob Black

If a man does only what is required of him, he is a slave. If a man does more than is required of him, he is a free man.

— Chinese Proverb
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

— Richard Bach

The seat of freedom is reserved for the man who lives by his own work, and in that work, does what he wants to do.

— George Robin Collingwood

 

Friends and Work

 

The path of social advancement is, and must be, strewn with broken friendships.

 

— H. G. Wells

 

00046.jpg

When you are young and without success, you have only a few friends. Then, later on, when you are rich and famous, you still have a few . . . if you are lucky.

— Pablo Picasso

 

I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.

— Clarence Darrow
Do not keep company with people who speak of careers. Not only are such people uninteresting in themselves; they also have no interest in anything interesting. Keep company with people who are interested in the world outside themselves. The one who never asks you what you are working on; Who never inquires as to the success of your latest project; Who never uses the word career as a noun — he is your friend.

— Roger Rosenblatt

 

For More Great Quotations on Friends and Friendship Go to:
www.Friendship-Heaven.com

Fun in the Workplace

 

When work is a pleasure, life is a joy! When work is a duty, life is slavery.

 

— Maxim Gorky

 

Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun.

— Colleen C. Barrett
The one important thing I learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous.

— Margot Fonteyn

 

00047.jpg

When you're starting to have a good time, you're doing your job wrong.

— Workplace graffiti

 

If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. — Katharine Hepburn

 

The formula for complete happiness is to be very busy with the unimportant.

 

— A. Edward Newton

Work hard and smart, but have fun as well. The more fun you have the more productive you will be.

— Abe Bakhsheshy
Fun at work means enjoying what you do so much that the weekends come too soon.

— Del Rae Grose

 

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.

 

— Dale Carnegie

 

Geniuses at Work

 

00048.jpg

What's the use of being a genius if you can't use it as an excuse for being unemployed?

— Gerald Barzan

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Sid Caesar

 

Men of lofty genius are most active when they are doing the least work.

Leonardo da Vinci
When a true genius appears in the world, you will know him by this sign, that all the dunces are in confederacy against him.

— Jonathan Swift

 

One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting its own fire.

 

— John Foster

The successful people are the ones who can think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at.

— Don Marquis

 

In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous.

 

— Robert Ingersoll

 

Getting Employment

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.

— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Being a specialist is one
thing, getting a job is
another.

— Stephen Leacock

Never turn down a job
because you think it's too
small, you don't know where
it can lead.

— Julia Morgan

 

00049.jpgDo not despise the bottom rungs in the ascent to greatness.

 

— Publilius Syrus

The person who knows "how" will always have a job. The person who knows "why" will always be his boss.

— Diane Ravitch

 

Dear, never forget one little point. It's my business. You just work here.

— Elizabeth Arden
In the afterlife you don't have to worry about looking for work.

— Ed Wood

 

Getting Fired

 

I'm a man without a corporation.

 

— Robert Duvall on being fired in the movie Network

Nothing bad's going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; it's a midlife vocational reassessment.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I was fired from my last job for being too creative. I tried to design an off switch for a perpetual motion machine.

Cartoon in The Joy of Thinking Big

 

I slip from workaholic to bum real easy. — Matthew Broderick

If you just got fired, Ernie J. Zelinski says, “Congratulations.” Indeed, in his international bestseller you will read why getting fired can be the best thing that ever happened to you:

The Joy of Not Working
A Book for Retired, Unemployed, and Overworked

 

00050.jpg

 

Over 200,000 copies sold

 

Published in 16 languages

Featured in USA TODAY, The Washington Post, Oakland Tribune, and the Boston Herald

Purchase through these direct links:
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www.BarnesandNoble.com

 

There is nothing worse than being a doer with nothing to do.

 

Elizabeth Layton

 

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place. — Hal Lancaster

When I got fired from the government, I should have known at the time that I was destined for much greater things — indeed, it was! I now haven’t worked at a real job for twenty-five years.

— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job
Goals

 

Perfection of means and confusion of goals seem — in my opinion — to characterize our age. —Albert Einstein

 

As long as you are going to be thinking anyway, think big.

— Donald Trump

00051.jpg

If you don't set goals, you can't regret not reaching them.

— Yogi Bera

 

If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.

 

— Henry Kissinger

 

I shall make electricity so cheap that only the rich can afford to burn candles.

 

— Thomas Edison

 

I want to put a ding in the universe.

 

— Steve Jobs

 

I always wanted to be a somebody but I should have been more specific.

 

— Lily Tomlin

 

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

 

— Eleanor Roosevelt

Make no little plans: they have no magic to stir men's blood . . . . Make big plans; aim high in hope and work.

— Daniel Burnham

It's just as difficult to reach a destination you don't have, as it is to come back from a place you've never been.

— Zig Ziglar

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I will give you a man who will make history. Give me a man without a goal and I will give you a stock clerk.

— J. C. Penny
Seek above all for a game worth playing. Such is the oracle to modern man. Having found the game, play it with intensity; play as if your life and sanity depend on it. (They do depend on it).

— D. S. Ropp

 

00052.jpgGovernment Workers

 

If there is anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.

 

— Kin Hubbard

 

The only essential government worker drives the snowplow.

 

— Workplace graffiti

I will undoubtedly have to seek what is happily known as gainful employment, which I am glad to say does not describe holding public office.

— Dean Acheson
Give a civil servant a good case and he'll wreck it with clichés, bad punctuation, double negatives, and convoluted apology.

— Alan Cark

 

Gratitude for Work

Thank God every day when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done whether you like it or not. Being forced to work and forced to do your best will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know.

— Basil Carpenter

 

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

 

— Oscar Wilde

The ugliest of trades have their moments. Were I a grave digger, or perhaps a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of pleasure.

— Douglas Jerrold

 

Happiness in the Workplace

Get happiness out of your work or you may never know what happiness is.

— Elbert Hubbard

 

00053.jpg

If happiness is there for the taking why don't I see it all around me? Ever met a happy employee? A manager with integrity? A self motivated and smiling colleague? No. The only happy people are the prophets who spread the message.

— Joep Schrijvers

 

It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation, which give happiness. — Thomas Jefferson

In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed: They must be fit for it: they must not do too much of it: and they must have a sense of success in it.

— W. H. Auden
Most people perform essentially meaningless work. When they retire that truth is borne upon them.

— Brendan Francis

 

To love what you do and feel that it matters — how could anything be more fun?

 

— Katharine Graham

 

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

 

— Homer Simpson

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

— Albert Schweitzer

If a man has important work, and enough leisure and income to enable him to do it properly, he is in possession of as much happiness as is good for any of the children of Adam.

— Richard Henry Tawney
It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.

— Pablo Picasso

 

Hard Work

I understand. You work very hard two days a week and you need a five-day weekend. That's normal.

— Neil Simon

I've met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work. And it was just my luck that all of them happened to be men I was working for at the time.

— Bill Gold

 

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

 

— Charlie McCarthy (Edgar Bergen)

Learn young about hard work and manners — and you'll be through the whole dirty mess and nicely dead again before you know it.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald
Sometimes I get an irresistible urge to work hard like everyone else, but I just lie down until the feeling goes away, and then I'm okay.

— Cartoon caption in The Joy of Not Working

 

The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.

 

— Bruce Lee

 

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

 

— Kin Hubbard

A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.

— George Jean Nathan

 

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

— Graffiti
I'm impressed with people from Chicago. Hollywood is hype, New York is talk, Chicago is work.

— Michael Douglas

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then — we elected them.

— Lily Tomlin

He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

— Don Marquis

 

Hard Work and Wealth

Creating wealth does not require hard work, self-sacrifice or getting up ridiculously early, just quality of thought, imagination, and enthusiasm for what you do.

— from Anxiety Culture

 

Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

I don't want to be the richest man in the graveyard.

 

— Song by Ben Kerr (Toronto busker)

 

Haste

 

00054.jpg

Whoever is in a hurry, shows that the thing he is about is too big for him.

— Lord Chesterfield

 

The hurrier we go, the behinder we get.

 

— Old Dutch proverb

 

If you are in a hurry you will never get there. — Chinese proverb

The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is on the contrary born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else — we are the busiest people in the world.

— Eric Hoffer

Three Ways to Handle a Task Fast: 1. Do it yourself. 2. Hire an expert to handle it for you. 3. Decide that it isn't worth doing and strike it off your to-do list.

— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job

 

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. — Unknown wise person

Ther nis no werkman, whatsoevere he be, That may bothe werke wel and hastily. — Geoffrey Chaucer

They stumble that run fast. — William Shakespeare No man who is in a hurry is quite civilized. — Will Durant

People forget how fast you did a job — but they remember how well you did it.

 

— Howard Newton

 

Having a Balanced Life-Style

 

00055.jpg

People who know how to employ themselves, always find leisure moments, while those who do nothing are forever in a hurry.

— Jeanne-Marie Roland

 

Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure.

 

— Benjamin Franklin

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One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

Let's realize a five-day workweek society. — Poster by the Japanese Ministry of Labor

 

00057.jpgDrive thy business, or it will drive thee.

 

Benjamin Franklin

It is paradoxical but nonetheless true that the nearer man comes to his goal to make his life easy and abundant, the more he undermines the foundations of a meaningful existence.

— Franz Alexander

Success is important only to the extent that it puts one in a position to do more things one likes to do.

— Sarah Caldwell
If you are losing your leisure, look out! You are losing your soul.

— Logan Pearsall Smith

 

Always do one thing less than you think you can do.

 

— Bernard Baruch

 

Health in the Workplace

Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

— Constitution: World Health Organization

People who don't know how to keep themselves healthy ought to have the decency to get themselves buried, and not waste time about it.

— Henrik Ibsen

 

DON’T CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE IN OPTIMUM HEALTH AND YOUR WORK BLOWS YOU AWAY

The two best things I ever did for my health was quit smoking and get fired from my last real job, never to return to another.

— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job

Never hurry. Take plenty of exercise. Always be cheerful. Take all the sleep you need. You may expect to be well.

— James Freeman Clarke

 

Hiring the Right People

 

00058.jpg

There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.

— Robert Half

Résumé: A written exaggeration of only the good things a person has done in the past, as well as a wish list of the qualities a person would like to have.

— Bo Bennett
Access to talented and creative people is to modern business what access to coal and iron ore was to steelmaking.

— Richard Florida

When you hire people that are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are.

— R. H. Grant

 

Hire disrespectful people. — Tom Peters

 

Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. — Henry David Thoreau

 

If you have a yes-man or yes-woman working for you, one of you is redundant.

 

— Unknown former Xerox manager

 

If nobody dropped out at the eighth grade, who would hire the college graduates?

— Unknown wise person
I never hesitated to promote someone I didn't like. The comfortable assistant — the nice guy you like to go on fishing trips with — is a great pitfall. Instead I looked for those sharp, scratchy, harsh, almost unpleasant guys who see and tell you about things as they really are. If you can get enough of them around you, and have patience enough to hear them out, there is no limit to where you can go.

— Tom Watson, Sr.

He’d suck my brains, memorize my Rolodex and use my telephone to find some other guy who’d pay him twice the money.

— Ned Dewey (Harvard Business School graduate, class of ’49, in 1986 speaking about recent graduates)

One eagle is worth more than two turkeys. — Former IBM executive

 

Every organization has an allotted number of positions to be filled by misfits.

— Marshall Owen
If each of us hires people smaller than we are, we shall become a company of dwarfs.

— David Ogilvy

 

Holidays and Vacations

 

00059.jpg

If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work.

— William Shakespeare

 

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.

 

— George Bernard Shaw

As to that leisure evening of life, I must say that I do not want it. I can conceive of no contentment of which toil is not to be the immediate parent.

— Anthony Trollope

 

A vacation is over when you begin to yearn for your work.

— Morris Fishbein
To get away from one's working environment is, in a sense, to get away from one's self; and this is often the chief advantage of travel and change.

— Charles Horton Cooley

 

00060.jpgA vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

 

— Robert Orben

 

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. — Kin Hubbard

 

No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.

 

— Elbert Hubbard

Every man who possibly can should force himself to a holiday of a full month in a year, whether he feels like taking it or not.

— William James

 

Housework

 

Housework can kill you if done right. — Erma Bombeck

 

The phrase "working mother" is redundant. — Jane Sellman

 

00061.jpg

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

— Joan Rivers

 

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance.

 

— Phyllis Diller

The labor of keeping house is labor in its most naked state, for labor is toil that never finishes, toil that has to be begun again the moment it is completed, toil that is destroyed and consumed by the life process.

— Mary McCarthy

 

Housekeeping ain't no joke. — Louisa May Alcott

 

Why dust the house when you can just wait a couple of years and get a snow blower? — Unknown wise person

 

Humor in the Workplace

The best ideas come as jokes.
Make your thinking as funny as
possible.

— David Ogilvy

 

It's an odd job, making decent

 

people laugh.

 

— Molière

Humor is an affirmation of
dignity, a declaration of man's
superiority to all that befalls

00062.jpg

him.

— Romain Gary
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. — Oscar Wilde

A civil servant doesn't make jokes. — Eugène Ionesco

 

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously.

 

— William K. Zinsser

 

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

 

— Will Rogers

 

He who laughs, lasts. — Mary Pettibone Poole

 

He who laughs last, thinks slowest. — Unknown wise person

 

No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.

— Robert G. Ingersoll
He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh.

— The Koran

 

00063.jpgTime spent in laughter is well invested.

 

— Unknown wise person

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

— Victor Borge

 

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. — Will Rogers

 

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

 

— Robert Benchley

 

Even the Gods love jokes. — Plato

 

Ideas

 

00064.jpgA man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. — Mark Twain

Throwing away ideas too soon is like opening a package of flower seeds and then throwing them away because they're not pretty.

— Arthur VanGundy

 

If an idea does not appear bizarre, there is no hope for it.

 

— Niels Bohr

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

— Howard Aiken

 

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it's the only one you have.

— Emile Chartier
An original idea: That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.

— Stephen Fry

The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It's as simple as that. A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. The true entrepreneur is a doer.

— Nolan Bushnell

 

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

 

— Oscar Wilde

 

Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.

 

— Robert Bresson

Ideas are a dime a dozen and they aren't worth a plugged nickel if you don't do anything with them.

— Unknown wise person

 

Idleness

 

00065.jpgI do nothing, granted. But I see the hours pass — which is better than trying to fill them. — E. M. Cloran

 

He lacks much who has no aptitude for idleness.

 

— Louise Beebe Wilder

He rides in the Row at ten o'clock in the morning, goes to the Opera three times a week, changes his clothes at least five times a day, and dines out every night of the season. You don't call that leading an idle life, do you?

— Oscar Wilde
Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good.

— Søren Aaby Kierkegaard

 

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.

 

— James Thurber

 

CLICK HERE IF IDLENESS IS NOT YOUR FORTE

 

It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man. — Benjamin Franklin

 

Few women and fewer men have enough character to be idle.

 

— Ed Lucas

 

Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top. — Virginia Woolf

 

Ignorance

 

He was distinguished for ignorance, for he had only one idea, and that was wrong. — Benjamin Disraeli

The United States has got some of the dumbest people in the world. I want you to know that we know that.

— Ted Turner

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Frank Dane

 

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

 

Will Rogers

 

Imagination

 

Use your brain. It's the little things that count. — Workplace graffiti

 

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move hearts of men.

 

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

I don't dream at night, I dream all day. I dream for a living.

 

— Steven Spielberg

I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.

— Albert Einstein

 

I shall make electricity so cheap that only the rich can afford to burn candles.

 

— Thomas Edison

Most people think only once or twice a year. I have made myself an international reputation by thinking once or twice a week.

— George Bernard Shaw
Moderation is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

— Oscar Wilde

The successful people are the ones who can think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at.

— Don Marquis

Take the obvious, add a cupful of brains, a generous pinch of imagination, a bucketful of courage and daring, stir well and bring to a boil.

— Bernard Baruch

 

Incompetence

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

— Scott Adams

 

In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.

— Laurence J. Peter
When a fool helps, the more he helps, the worse things get.

— Chinese proverb.

 

Even the most useless person can be used as a bad example.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Innovation

Everything that is really great and inspiring is
created by the individual who can labor in
freedom.

— Albert Einstein

 

He who makes the quickest, coolest

 

prototypes reigns!

 

— Tom Peters

Successful leaders recognize that great
innovation comes from observing the same
ideas as everyone else and seeing something
different.

— Reed Markham

00066.jpg

We believe that if men have the talent to invent new machines that put men out of work, they have the talent to put those men back to work.

— John F. Kennedy

 

If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.

 

— Charles Kettering

 

Don't follow trends, start trends. — Frank Capra

 

Innovation! One cannot be forever innovating. I want to create classics.

 

—Coco Chanel

 

Integrity in the Workplace

 

Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it.

— Andrew Young
The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. — Noel Coward

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

 

— Ambrose Bierce

 

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you got it made.

 

— Groucho Marx

The poor and ignorant will continue to lie and steal as long as the rich and educated show them how.

— Elbert Hubbard

 

Intellectual Work

Intellectual "work" is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.

— Mark Twain
Machines should work; people should think. — IBM motto

Use your brain. It's the little things that count. — Workplace graffiti

 

Even the woodpecker owes its success to the fact that he used his head.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Intelligence in the Workplace

 

Always be smarter than the people who hire you.

 

— Lena Horne

 

Be smart but never show it. — Unknown wise person

 

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must be well-mannered.

— Voltaire
I can put two and two together, you know. Do not think you are dealing with a man who has lost his grapes.

— Tom Stoppard

 

The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it.

 

— François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

 

The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.

 

— Laurence J. Peter

The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.

— Niccolò Machiavelli

 

Jobs

 

Working at a job you don't like is a lame way to spend a good portion of your life.

— Unknown wise person
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. — Aristotle

You don't resign from these jobs; you escape from them.

 

— Dawn Steel

 

Work is for cowards.

 

— U. J. Puckett (pool hustler at the age of 66)

With a very few exceptions the world of jobs is characterized by stifling boredom, grinding tedium, poverty, petty jealousies, sexual harassment, loneliness, deranged co-workers, bullying bosses, seething resentment, illness, exploitation, stress, helplessness, hellish commutes, humiliation, depression, appalling ethics, physical fatigue and mental exhaustion.

— from Idler magazine

 

Canadians shouldn't come down to Southern California and take jobs away from Mexicans.

— Stanley Ralph Ross
The longer the title, the less important the job. — George McGovern

Job Security

 

Perform your job better than anyone else can. That's the best job security I know.

 

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The only modern fairy tale is the one that begins: Once upon a time, there was a secure job.

— Unknown wise person

We hear of a silent generation, more concerned with security than integrity, with conforming than performing, with imitating than creating.

— Thomas J. Watson

 

The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.

— Tacitus
We can create the ultimate job security by becoming less dependent on the organization for which we work and more dependent on our own resources.

— Bo Bennett

 

Knowledge

 

Knowledge without wisdom is a load of books on the back of an ass.

 

— Japanese proverb

 

To know and not to do is not yet to know. — Buddhist proverb

 

Laziness

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you'll feel so good that you'll be able to start looking for a new job.

— Jay Leno

00067.jpg

A lazy person gives the workaholic something worthwhile to do and someone to feel happily superior to.

— Julia Swiggum

There are only four types of officer. First, there are the lazy stupid ones. Leave them alone, they do no harm. Second, there are the hardworking intelligent ones. They make excellent staff officers, ensuring that every detail is properly considered. Third, there are the hardworking, stupid ones. These people are a menace and must be fired at once. They create irrelevant work for everyone. Finally, there are the intelligent lazy ones. They are suited for the highest office.

— General von Manstein about the German Officer Corps

There is no rush. If we think intelligently about what we can achieve with our time, we can be relaxed, even lazy. In fact, being lazy — having plenty of time to think — may actually be a precondition for achieving a great deal.

— Richard Koch
It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.

— Somerset Maugham

 

If you don't want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.

 

— Jewish proverb

 

Failure is not the only punishment for laziness: there is also the success of others.

 

— Jules Renard

I suspect guys who say, "I just send out for a sandwich for lunch," as lazy men trying to impress me.

— Jimmy Cannon

 

I am the laziest man in the world. I invented all those things to save myself from toil.

 

— Benjamin Franklin

 

If you want a faster or easier way to do something, give it to a lazy person.

— Unknown wise person
The man who does not betake himself at once and desperately to sawing is called a loafer, though he may be knocking at the doors of heaven all the while.

— Henry David Thoreau

 

Leadership

 

00068.jpgI must follow the people. Am I not their leader?

 

— Benjamin Disraeli

 

If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

— The Bible (Matthew 15:14)
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn.

— Dave Barry

 

Charlatanism of some degree is indispensable to effective leadership.

 

— Eric Hoffer

The question, "Who ought to be boss?" is like asking "Who ought to be the tenor in the quartet?" Obviously, the man who can sing tenor.

— Henry Ford

I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.

— Ralph Nader

A leader is a man who has the ability to get other people to do what they don't want to do and like it.

— Harry S. Truman
"My door is always open — bring me your problems.” This is guaranteed to turn on every whiner, lackey and neurotic on the property.

Robert F. Six (President, Continental Airlines)

The best way to get on in the world is to make people believe it's to their advantage to help you.

— La Bruyère

 

A leader is a dealer in hope. — Napoleon Bonaparte

If you want to build a boat, do not instruct the men to saw wood, stitch the sails, prepare the tools and organize the work, but make them long for setting sail and travel to distant lands.

— Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

 

Leadership is action, not position. — Donald H. MacGannon

 

What luck for rulers that men do not think. — Adolf Hitler

 

The world is full of willing people. Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

 

— Robert Frost

Treat people as if they
were what they ought to
be, and you help them to
become what they are
capable of being.

— Johann Wolfgang von

 

Goethe

 

Wherever I sit is the head

 

of the table.

 

— H. L. Mencken

There go my people. I

00069.jpg

must find out where they
are going so I can lead them.

— Alexandre Ledru-Rollin

Here comes the new boss
Same as the old boss.

— Pete Townshend (in his song Won't Get
Fooled Again
)

 

Leisure and Work

 

00070.jpgLeisure is the most challenging responsibility a man can be offered.

 

— William Russell

 

If I am doing nothing, I like to be doing nothing to some purpose. That is what leisure means. — Alan Bennett

Few Americans even know what "leisure" really means, and commonly confuse it with recreation or time off from work, even if that time is spent doing chores.

— Shannon Mullen
Leisure tends to corrupt, and absolute leisure corrupts absolutely.

— Edgar A. Shoaff

 

He enjoys true leisure who has time to improve his soul's estate. — Henry David Thoreau

Leisure consists in all those virtuous activities by which a man grows morally, intellectually, and spiritually. It is that which makes a life worth living.

— Cicero

 

00071.jpgIt is impossible to enjoy idling unless there is plenty of work to do.

 

— Jerome K. Jerome

Leisure may prove to be a curse rather than a blessing, unless education teaches a flippant world leisure is not a synonym for entertainment.

— William J. Bogan
To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the best product of civilization.

— Bertrand Russell

 

Leisure time is that five or six hours when you sleep at night.

 

— George Allen

I have made this letter a rather long one, only because I didn't have the leisure to make it shorter.

— Blaise Pascal

 

Leisurely Lifestyle

 

Do not mistake a crowd of big wage earners for the leisure class.

 

— Clive Bell

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

— Ogden Nash
Leisure is the time for doing something useful. This leisure the diligent person will obtain, the lazy one never.

— Benjamin Franklin

If the soul has food for study and learning, nothing is more delightful than an old age of leisure.

— Cicero

The best test of the quality of a civilization is the quality of its leisure.

— Irwin Edman

 

00072.jpgI would not exchange my leisure hours for all the wealth in the world.

 

— Comte de Mirabeau

 

Only a person who can live with himself can enjoy the gift of leisure.

 

— Henry Greber

 

Life and Work

 

Work is life, you know, and without it, there's nothing but fear and insecurity.

 

— John Lennon

 

Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.

 

— Henry David Thoreau

Work to survive, survive by consuming, survive to consume: the hellish cycle is complete.

— Raoul Vaneigem

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car, and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.

— Ellen Goodman

 

Life-Long Career

 

You want a job where you will never be out of work be a debt collector.

 

Unknown wise person

 

Work as if you were to live a hundred years, pray as if you were to die tomorrow.

 

— Benjamin Franklin

The secret of long life is double careers. One to about age sixty, then another for the next thirty years.

— David Ogilvy

 

Loving Your Work

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me; the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.

— Jerome K. Jerome

 

An artist is never poor.

 

— from the movie Babette's Feast

 

An Inspirational Book for the “Organizationally Averse”

By Ernie J. Zelinski

00073.jpg

 

It's a definite cure for the corporate blues!

It's an excellent way to find inspiration to leave corporate life quickly and easily!

It's all about sparking your creativity and putting it to great use on ingenious projects!

It’s for anyone who wants to work at their dream job or operate a funky micro-business

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Music is my mistress and she plays second fiddle to no one.

 

— Duke Ellington

Don't tell my mother I work in an advertising agency — she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.

— Jacques Seguela

 

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.

 

— Danny McGoorty

 

There is something wrong with my eyesight. I can't see going to work.

 

— Teddy Bergeron

 

My work is done, why wait?

 

— Suicide note left by Kodak founder George Eastman

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

— Drew Carey

 

Luck

 

I am a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.

 

Stephen Leacock

 

Breaks balance out. The sun don't shine on the same ol' dog's ass every day.

 

— Darrell Royal

 

Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

 

— Earl Wilson

 

The best you get is an even break. Franklin P. Adams

 

The worst cynicism: a belief in luck. — Joyce Carol Oates

Those whom fortune has never favored are more joyful than those whom she has deserted.

— Seneca
The power of fortune is confessed only by the miserable; for the happy impute all their success to prudence and merit.

— Jonathan Swift

 

Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Of course I believe in luck. How otherwise to explain the success of people you detest? — Jean Cocteau

 

Management

 

Always mistrust a subordinate who never finds fault with his superior [you]. — John Churton Collins

Management: an activity or art where those who have not yet succeeded and those who have proved unsuccessful are led by those who have not yet failed.

— Paulsson Frenckner

00074.jpg

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.

— Peter Drucker

 

A man is known by the company he organizes.

 

— Ambrose Bierce

People think that at the top there isn't much room. They tend to think of it as an Everest. My message is that there is tons of room at the top.

— Margaret Thatcher

 

Blessed is he who talks in circles, for he shall become a big wheel.

 

— Frank Dane

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

— Robert Heller
You don't need a Harvard MBA to know that the bedroom and the boardroom are just two sides of the same ballgame.

— Stephen Fry

 

Do it my way or watch your butt.

 

— Management philosophy from the movie Raising Arizona

 

Don't say yes until I've finished talking. — Attributed to many Hollywood executives

 

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

 

— Kin Hubbard

It is a novel kind of supremacy, the best that life can offer, to have as servants by skill those who by nature are our masters.

— Baltasar Gracián

 

Soldiers generally win battles; generals get credit for them.

— Napoleon
There are an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.

— Peter Drucker

 

Manual Labor

It's important to know
that words don't move
mountains. Work,
exacting work moves
mountains.

— Danilo Dolci

When it comes to getting
things done, we need
fewer architects and
more bricklayers.

00075.jpg— Colleen C. Barrett

Syzygy, inexorable, pancreatic, phantasmagoria — anyone who can use those four words in one sentence will never have to do manual labor.

— W. P. Kinsella

 

Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job Signs That You Are Too Smart to Perform Manual Labor or Work in a Corporation

 

00076.jpg

You have been fired by corporations two times or more because management was threatened by your creativity and uniqueness.

You can’t even pretend to enjoy company functions.

You consider having to wear a name tag demeaning and disgusting.

You could never experience the freedom in a corporate setting to function at a high level and be happy.

Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at: www.Amazon.com
www.BarnesandNoble.com

Marriage and Work

 

A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.

 

— Gloria Steinem

A working girl is one
who quit her job to get
married.

— E. J. Kiefer

When a man marries

00077.jpg

his mistress it creates
a job opportunity.

— Sir James Goldsmith

 

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

 

— Helen Rowland

 

Marry money.

 

— Max Shulman's advice to aspiring authors

 

Meetings

Whoever invented the meeting must have had Hollywood in mind. I think they should consider giving Oscars for meetings: Best Meeting of the Year, Best Supporting Meeting, Best Meeting Based on Material from Another Meeting.

— William Goldman

Meetings are a great trap. Soon you find yourself trying to get agreement and then the people who disagree come to think they have a right to be persuaded. . . . . Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.

— John Kenneth Galbraith

I know, of course, how
important it is not to
keep a business
engagement, if one
wants to retain any
sense of the beauty of
life.

00078.jpg

— Oscar Wilde
No grand idea was ever born in a conference, but a lot of foolish ideas have died there.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

Mistakes

 

A mistake is simply another way of doing things.

 

— Katharine Graham

The doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.

— Frank Lloyd Wright

I learn from my mistakes. I can make the same mistake with greater ease the second time around.

— Unknown wise person

I make more mistakes than anyone else I know, and sooner or later, I patent most of them.

— Thomas Edison
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. — Workplace graffiti

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

— George Bernard Shaw

 

Quote me if I'm wrong. — Unknown wise person.

 

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.

 

— Harold J. Smith

 

Learn from the mistakes of others — you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. — Martin Vanbee

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

— Mark Twain

 

Morality of Work

 

The morality of work is the morality of slaves, and the modern world has no need of slavery. — Bertrand Russell

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

— Bruce Grocott

 

Motivation

Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it.

Noel Coward

The idea that to make a man work you've got to hold gold in front of his eyes is a growth, not an axiom. We've done that for so long that we've forgotten there's any other way.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

00079.jpg

There is always the danger that we may just do the work for the sake of the work. This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in- that we do it to God, to Christ, and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible.

Mother Teresa

 

To work to work! It is such infinite delight to know that we still have the best things to do. Katherine Mansfield

 

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Why do men delight in work? Fundamentally, I suppose, because there is a sense of relief and pleasure in getting something done — a kind of satisfaction not unlike that which a hen enjoys on laying an egg.

H. L. Mencken

 

We know nothing about motivation. All we can do is write books about it.

 

Peter Drucker

 

Multi-Tasking

 

The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at once.

 

Samuel Smiles

 

Think of many things to do — do one. — Portuguese proverb

One principle reason why men are so often useless is that they divide and shift their attention among a multiplicity of objects and pursuits.

G. Emmons

You must always work not just within but below your means. If you can handle three elements, handle only two. If you can handle ten, then handle only five. In that way the ones you do handle, you handle with more ease, more mastery, and you create a feeling of strength in reserve.

— Pablo Picasso

 

Not Working for a Living

The darkest hour in any man's life is when he sits down to plan how to get money without earning it.

— Horace Greeley

 

Women marry because they don't want to work.

 

— Marry Garden

 

When you see what some girls marry you realize how they must hate to work for a living. — Helen Rowland

 

New Ventures

Any new venture goes through the following stages: enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and decoration of those who did nothing.

Obvious Solutions

Only the most foolish of mice would hide in a cat's ear. But only the wisest of cats would think to look there.

— Scott Love

 

The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer. — Edward R. Murrow

 

To spell out the obvious is often to call it in question.

 

— Eric Hoffer

 

Opportunity

 

Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them. — Ann Landers

Don't wait for your ship to come in. Swim out to it.
My ship came in the other day but I was at the bus depot.

— Unknown wise person

 

The only place opportunity cannot be found is in a closed-minded person.

 

— Bo Bennett

 

It's them who take advantage that get advantage in this world.

 

— George Elliott

 

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.

 

— Wayne Gretzky (former NHL superstar)

 

Overwork

 

A woman's work, grave sirs, is never done. — Mrs. Eusden

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If a woman's work is never done, she should start earlier.

 

— Ron Stevens

 

00081.jpg

More men are killed by overwork than the importance of the world justifies.

— Rudyard Kipling

Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses.

— Ira Wallach

We live in the age of the overworked, and the under-educated; the age in which people are so industrious that they become absolutely stupid.

— Oscar Wilde

 

So much work, so few women to do it. — Unknown wise person

 

A champion of the workingman has never been known to die of overwork.

 

— Robert Frost

 

Paperwork

The volume of paper
expands to fill the available
briefcases.

— Jerry Brown

We can lick gravity, but
sometimes the paperwork is
overwhelming.

— Wernher von Braun

 

00082.jpg

Reading isn't an occupation we encourage among police officers. We try to keep the paperwork down to a minimum.

— Joe Orton

 

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

 

— Peter De Vries

 

Patience

 

Patience: A form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

 

— Ambrose Bierce

 

Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. — Kin Hubbard

Perhaps there is only one cardinal sin: impatience. Because of impatience we were driven out of Paradise, because of impatience we cannot return.

— W. H. Auden

 

Patience is bitter, but its fruits are sweet. — Rosseau

 

Who longest waits most surely wins. — Helen Hunt Jackson

 

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

 

— Margaret Thatcher

 

Perfection

 

00083.jpg

A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked Perfection.

Donald Kennedy

 

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. Ted Turner

 

Have no fear of perfection you'll never reach it.

 

Salvador Dali

 

The pursuit of perfection often impedes improvement.

 

George F. Will

 

I've only met four perfect people in my life and I didn't like any of them.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

There are two perfect men; one dead, and the other unborn.

 

Chinese proverb

 

Do the right things instead of trying to do everything right.

 

— Peter Drucker

 

The man with insight enough to admit his limitations comes nearest to perfection. — Johanne von Goethe

 

Persistence

 

God Almighty hates a quitter. — Samuel Fessenden

 

Never, never, never, never give up. — Winston Churchill

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The phrase 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

— Calvin Coolidge

I've been failing for, like, ten or eleven years. When it turns, it'll turn. Right now I'm just trying to squeeze through a very tight financial period, get the movie out, and put my things in order.

— Francis Ford Coppola

 

Plans

Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.

— Seneca

 

The best-laid plans of mice

 

and men often go astray

 

— Robert Burns

Plans are only good intentions

00084.jpg

unless they immediately
degenerate into hard work.

— Peter F. Drucker

 

Whatever plan one makes, there is a hidden difficulty somewhere.

 

— Vincent van Gogh

In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.

— Dwight D. Eisenhower

 

Power

Power tends to corrupt, and
absolute power corrupts
absolutely.

— Lord Acton

 

Power corrupts, but lack of

 

power corrupts absolutely.

 

— Adlai Stevenson

 

00085.jpgPower corrupts the few,

 

while weakness corrupts the many.

 

— Eric Hoffer

 

Power is what men seek, and any group that gets it will abuse it. It is the same old story.

 

— Lincoln Stevens

 

The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.

— Edmund Burke
I shall be an autocrat: that's my trade. And the good Lord will forgive me: that's his.

— Catherine the Great

 

Slaves would be tyrants were the chance theirs.

 

— Victor Hugo

 

Praise and Recognition

 

Soldiers win battles and generals get the medals.

 

— Napoleon

 

Don't work for recognition, but do work worthy of recognition.

 

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

Nothing is harder to resist than a bit of flattery. — Arnold Lobel

 

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Pride

 

It's a fine thing to rise above pride, but you must have pride in order to do so.

 

— Georges Bernanos

 

It ain't bragging if you really done it. — Dizzy Dean

 

Problem Solving

If you have too many problems, maybe you should go out of business. There is no law that says a company must last forever.

— Peter Drucker

 

The first step to problem solving is figuring out who's got the problem.

 

— Greg Brenneman

 

A problem well stated is a problem half solved.

— Charles F. Kettering

00086.jpg

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.

— G. K. Chesterton

Instead of expending time to train yourself not to be afraid of snakes, avoid them altogether.

Richard Koch

 

When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.

 

W. G. Benham

 

Don't interfere with something that ain't bothering you.

 

— Unknown wise person

The biggest trouble maker you will ever meet watches you shave or put makeup on your face in the mirror every morning.

— Unknown wise person

 

To do nothing is also a good remedy. — Hippocrates

 

Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.

 

— Agnes Allen

No one can solve problems for someone whose problem is that they don't want problems solved.

— Richard Bach

 

The chief cause of problems is solutions. — Eric Sevareid

 

Problems that go away by themselves come back by themselves.

 

— Marcy Davis

 

There is a remedy for everything, it is called death.

 

— Portuguese proverb

 

Being a philosopher, I have a problem for every solution.

— Robert Zend
A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.

Russell Baker

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.

— Richard Bach

 

Procrastination

 

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow. — Don Herold

 

00087.jpgNever put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

— Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can get some sucker to do today.

— Workplace graffiti

Never do today what you can do as well tomorrow; because something may occur to make you regret your premature action.

— Aaron Burr

 

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.

 

— Workplace graffiti

 

Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.

 

— Josh Billings

 

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

 

— Don Marquis

 

It is better to begin in the evening than not at all.

— English proverb
He who hesitates is sometimes saved. — Unknown wise person

Let business wait until tomorrow. — Greek proverb

 

Productivity in the Workplace

 

00088.jpgUnderstand the difference between being at work and working.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Do it big or stay in bed.

 

— Larry Kelly (opera producer)

 

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people.

 

— Karl Marx

The road to hell is paved with the pursuit of volume. Volume leads to marginal products, marginal customers, and greatly increased managerial complexity.

— Richard Koch

Many people — and I think I am one of them — are more productive when they've had a little to drink. I find if I drink two or three brandies, I'm far better able to write.

— David Ogilvy

 

It is vain to do with more what can be done with less.

— William of Occam
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.

Elbert Hubbard

 

There exists above the "productive" man a yet higher species.

 

— Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Professions and Professionals

When I realized that what I had turned out to be was a lousy, twobit pool hustler and drunk, I wasn't depressed at all. I was glad to have a profession.

— Danny McGoorty

It is wonderful when a calculation is made, how little the mind is actually employed in the discharge of any profession.

— Samuel Johnson

00089.jpg

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.

— James Agate

 

To depend upon a profession is a less odious form of slavery than to depend upon a father. — Virginia Woolf

 

All professions are conspiracies against the laity.

 

— George Bernard Shaw

There is something tragic about the enormous number of young men there are in England at the present moment who start life with perfect profiles, and end by adopting some useful profession.

— Oscar Wilde

 

Eighty-seven percent of all people in all professions are incompetent.

— John Gardner
It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.

— Ronald Reagan

A professional is a person who tells you what you know already, but in a way you cannot understand.

— Unknown wise person

 

Progress

All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.

— Adlai Stevenson

 

All progress is experimental. — John Jay Chapman

 

00090.jpgProgress is not an illusion, it happens, but it is slow and invariably disappointing.

— George Orwell

00091.jpg

Invariably, the length of a progress report is inversely proportional to the amount of progress.

— Unknown wise person

Progress everywhere today does seem to come so very heavily disguised as Chaos.

— Joyce Grenfell

 

Progress was all right; it just went on too long. — James Thurber

 

What we call progress is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance.

 

— Havelock Ellis

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

— George Bernard Shaw

 

Promotions

 

I've been promoted to middle management. I never thought I'd sink so low.

 

— Tim Gould

It is easier to appear worthy of a position one does not hold, than of the office which one fills.

— François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

— Robert Frost

 

Be nice to people on the way up, because you'll meet them on the way down.

 

— Wilson Mizner

When I give a man an office, I watch him carefully to see whether he is swelling or growing.

— Woodrow Wilson

 

Punctuality in the Workplace

 

00092.jpgBut think how early I go.

 

— Lord Castlerosse (when criticized for continually arriving late for work)

Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.

— Don Marquis

 

Punctuality is the thief of time.

 

— Oscar Wilde

 

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

 

— Evelyn Waugh

 

Purpose of Work

 

00093.jpg

Work is what they try to con you to do so that you will have the money to be able to buy what they try to con you to think you want.

— Unknown wise person

 

The end of labor is to gain leisure.

 

— Aristotle

 

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

 

— Unknown wise person

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy shit we don't need.

— from the movie Fight Club

 

Work is what you do so that some time you won't have to do it anymore.

— Alfred Polgar
It is God’s gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil.

— Bible: Hebrew, Ecclesiastes 3:13.

 

A man perfects himself by working. — Thomas Carlyle

 

We work to become, not to acquire. — Elbert Hubbard

 

Work to learn. Don't work for money. — Robert Kiyosaki

 

It is not real work unless you would rather be doing something else.

 

— J. M. Barrie

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

— Robert Orben

 

Research and Reports

 

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

 

— Werner von Braun

 

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as possible. — Mark Twain

When the facts are in your favor, flaunt them. When the facts are out of your favor, taunt them.

— Workplace graffiti

 

If facts do not conform to theory, they must be disposed of.

 

— N. R. F. Maier

 

00094.jpg

What I've learned so far from researching is that to win the Stanley Cup, you have to make the playoffs.

— Ted Leonsis (owner of the NHL's Washington Capitals)

 

Results

 

People love chopping wood. In this activity one immediately sees results.

 

— Albert Einstein

 

Results are what you expect, and consequences are what you get.

 

— Unknown wise person

If I choose to devote myself to certain labors which yield more real profit, though but little money, they may be inclined to look on me as an idler.

— Henry David Thoreau

If the outcome is good, what's the difference between motives that sound good and good, sound motives?

Laurence J. Peter

 

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

 

— Vince Lombardi

 

Retirement from Work

 

00095.jpgThe best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

 

— Kin Hubbard

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

— R.C. Sherriff

 

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Retirement is the ugliest word in the language. — Ernest Hemingway

 

To retire is the beginning of death. — Pablo Casals

 

I think it [retirement] beats the heck out of life after death, that's for sure.

 

— Martina Navratilova

 

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.

 

— George Burns

 

00097.jpg

One of the problems of retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement.

— Unknown wise person

 

In retirement, I look for days off from my days off.

— Mason Cooley
Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.

— Unknown wise person

 

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit . . . . retire!

 

— Groucho Marx

 

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Rewards from Work

 

00098.jpgWork is much more fun than fun. — Noel Coward

 

The highest reward that God gives us for good work is the ability to do better work.

 

— Elbert Hubbard

 

00099.jpg

To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work, is as impossible as it is to live without being born.

— A. P. Gouthey

After you've worked hard to get what you want, take the time to enjoy it.

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

Risk Taking

 

Don't play for safety — it's the most dangerous thing in the world.

 

— Hugh Walpole

 

If you run, you might lose. If you don't run, you're guaranteed to lose.

— Jesse L. Jackson
He that is afraid to shake the dice will never throw a six.

— Chinese proverb

 

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more. — Unknown wise person

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

— Mark Twain

 

Rocking the Boat

 

The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. — Japanese proverb

 

It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.

 

— Sister Elizabeh Kenny

 

Rules in the Workplace

 

Creativity comes by breaking the rules, by saying you're in love with the anarchist. — Anita Roddick

Women have the feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.

— Diane Johnson

 

We started off trying to set up an anarchist organization, but no one would obey the rules. — Unknown wise person

 

There ain't no rules around here! We're trying to accomplish something!

 

— Thomas Alva Edison

 

When policy fails, try thinking. — Unknown wise person

 

There's a deception to every rule. — Hal Lee Luyah

 

If I had permission to do everything, I wouldn't want to do anything.

 

— Joe Palen

 

Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.

 

— David Ogilvy

 

00100.jpg

If your company has a clean-desk policy, the company is nuts and you're nuts to stay there.

— Tom Peters

 

Rules of Work

 

Always obey your superiors — if you have any.

 

— Mark Twain

Three rules of work
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. — Albert Einstein

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

 

— Mark Twain

 

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first. — Josh Billings

If a person offend you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures, simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.

— Mark Twain

 

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Quitting Work

Is it hot in the rolling mill? Are the hours long? Is $15 a day not enough? Then escape is easy. Simply throw up your job, spit on your hands, and write another "Rosenkavailer."

— H. L. Mencken
Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

— Sylvia Robinson

 

00101.jpgCLICK HERE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO QUIT CORPORATE LIFE AND LIVE IN STYLE

 

A working girl is one who quit her job to get married.

 

— E. J. Kiefer

 

Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will.

 

— John Kenneth Galbraith

 

Salaries and Wages

 

00102.jpg

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

— Ogden Nash

 

They pretend to pay us and we pretend to work.

 

— Soviet Union worker slogan

 

My take home pay won't get me there.

 

— Workplace graffiti

 

We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. — Samuel Goldwyn

If you are only doing what you are getting paid for, and doing it no better than the average employee, then your pay is most likely right where it should be.

— Bo Bennett

 

Schedules

 

00103.jpgIt's amazing how long it takes to complete something you are not working on.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

 

— Jean-Paul Sartre

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

— Douglas Hofstadter
If you don't have enough time to accomplish something, consider the work finished once it's begun.

— John Gage

THE REAL 80-20 PRINCIPLE: The first 80 percent of the project takes 80 percent of the time and the last 20 percent of the project takes another 80 percent of the time.

— Workplace graffiti

 

Secrets to Success at One's Work

 

00104.jpg

To be successful you have to be lucky, or a little mad, or very talented, or to find yourself in a rapid-growth field.

— Edward de Bono

 

The only way to succeed is to make people hate you.

 

— Josef von Sternberg

 

The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

— George Bernard Shaw
I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.

— G. K. Chesterton

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.

— Albert Einstein

 

Self-Employment

 

What the hell do you want to work for somebody else for? Work for yourself! — Irving Berlin's advice to young songwriter George Gershwin

 

Surprisingly, even though I am now self employed I still have a jerk for a boss. — Unknown wise person

 

I probably couldn't play for me. I wouldn't like my attitude.

 

— John Thompson

 

Shabby Work

 

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

 

— H. H. Munro

 

A work ill done must be twice done. — Unknown wise person

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.

— Joseph Heller

Do the important things in excellence; if you don't find time to the important things right, you will have to find time to do them over again.

— Unknown wise person

 

It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.

 

— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

Speech Making

 

00105.jpgIt usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. — Mark Twain

 

What orators lack in depth they make up to you in length.

 

— Baron de Montesquieu

 

When both a speaker and an audience are confused, the speech is profound. — Oscar Wilde

I would tell myself that I was about to address the largest mass assembly of idiots ever gathered in the history of mankind.

— Winston Churchill (when asked how he was able to make great speeches)

 

The best audience is intelligent, welleducated, and a little drunk.

— Alben W. Barkley
I know heaps of quotations, so I can always make quite a fair show of knowledge.

— O. Douglas

 

I always have a quotation for everything — it saves original thinking.

 

— Dorothy L. Sayers

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but a thousand imbeciles together in the dark — that is critical genius.

— Billy Wilder

Most people can tire of a lecture in fifteen minutes, clever people can do it in five, and sensible people don't go to lectures at all.

— Stephen Leacock

 

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away. — Thomas Love Peacock

 

Statistics

 

00106.jpgStatistics: A group of numbers looking for an argument.

 

— Unknown wise person

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts — for support rather than illumination.

— Andrew Lang

 

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

 

— Benjamin Disraeli

 

There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.

 

— Rex Stout

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14 percent of people know that.

— Homer Simpson
Statistics are for losers.
— Scotty Bowman (former NHL coach)

Stress in the Workplace

One of the symptoms of an
approaching nervous breakdown is
the belief that one's work is terribly
important.

— Bertrand Russell

 

The time to relax is when you don't

 

have time for it.

 

— Sydney J. Harris

It was Einstein who made the real
trouble. He announced in 1905 that

00107.jpg

there was no such thing as absolute
rest. After that there never was.

— Stephen Leacock

 

For immediate stress relief, bang your head

 

on the wall three times.

— Workplace graffiti
To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

— Robert Orben

I think that maybe in every company today there is always at least one person who is going crazy slowly.

— Joseph Heller

 

Success

 

The play was a great success, but the audience was a total failure.

 

— Oscar Wilde

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure – which is: Try to please everybody.

— Herbert Bayard Swope

 

All my life people have said that I wasn't going to make it.

 

— Ted Turner

 

Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job There Is No Life Like It! 00108.jpg

It's about creating your own dream job or
operating an

unconventional business.

It's about gaining courage to escape the corporate world so that you don’t have to spend the rest of your life trapped in a cubicle.

It’s about experiencing true personal freedom in all areas of your life.

“If you are unhappy in your work (or retirement) and want to find something more fulfilling and yes, even fun, Real Success Without a Real Job is a great book to help you put in place all the internal ingredients (desire, commitment, persistence, etc), so that you can take action and achieve your dreams.”

Leslie G. Truex, Author of Jobs at Home and President of the Work-At-Home Success Website Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at: www.Amazon.com
www.BarnesandNoble.com

 

To be a success in business, be daring, be first, be different.

 

— Marchant

The successful men of action are not sufficiently self-observant to know exactly on what their success depends.

— Joseph Jacobs

 

I joined the army, and I succeeded in killing about as many of the enemy as they of me. — Bill Arp

 

Success. I don't believe it has any effect on me. For one thing I always expected it. — W. Somerset Maugham

 

If you want to sell 'em fish, sell 'em big fish. That's the secret to success.

 

— Jack Solomons

 

The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

— Bette Midler

00109.jpg

Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.

— T. S. Eliot

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.

— John Lennon

 

Success is doing what you like and making a living at it.

 

— Greek proverb

 

There is only one success — to be able to spend your life in your own way.

 

— Christopher Morley

 

For More Great Quotations about Success Try: www.Real-Success.ca
Talent

 

I don't have a lot of respect for talent. Talent is genetic. It's what you do with it that counts.

— Martin Ritt
Look at me. Worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

— S. J. Perelman

 

Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work. — Al Capp

 

Teamwork

If you want a track team to win the high jump you must find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.

— Unknown wise person

Teamwork magically inspires our group to come up with solutions that are consistently and considerably dumber than any one of us.

— Workplace graffiti

00110.jpg

What the crowd requires is mediocrity of the highest order.

— Auguste Préault

 

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

 

— Michael Winner

 

When all think alike, no one thinks very much. — Walter Lippmann

 

Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved in the broth.

 

— Bernice Fitz-Gibbon

I never can understand how two men can write a book together; to me that's like three people getting together to have a baby.

— Evelyn Waugh

 

We have only one person to blame, and that's each other.

— Barry Beck (professional hockey player who started a brawl)
Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.

— Finagle's Rule

 

Time Management

 

00111.jpgThose who make the worst use of their time most complain of its shortness.

 

— La Bruyère

 

Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.

 

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

Remember that time is money.

 

— Benjamin Franklin

 

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

 

— Bill Watterson

 

It's simply fantastic the amount of work you can get done if you don't do anything else. — Unknown wise person

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. General recognition of this fact is shown in the proverbial phrase "It is the busiest man who has time to spare."

— C. Northcote Parkinson

 

Well-arranged time is the surest mark of a well-arranged mind.

 

— Sir Isaac Pitman

 

The best way to fill time is to waste it. — Marguerite Duras

 

The more you think, the more time you have. — Henry Ford

Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

Unemployment

 

00112.jpg

Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.

— Orson Scott Card

To toil for a hard master is bitter, but to have no master to toil for is more bitter still.

— Oscar Wilde

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

— Slappy White
When we're unemployed, we're called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it's called a depression.

— Jesse Jackson

What you want to do is not go to work. You're not missing a thing. The worst thing I did was start work young.

— Jimmy Breslin

 

When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.

 

— Calvin Coolidge

 

Don't feel bad about being unemployed, Dad. I've been unemployed all my life and it's fun. — Kid talking to his father in Glasbergon Cartoon

 

My son is now an "entrepreneur." That's what you're called when you don't have a job. — Ted Turner

 

Unions

 

In union there is strength.

 

— Laberius

 

In union there are strikes.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

00113.jpgIf capital an' labor ever do get together it's

 

good night for the rest of us.

 

— Kin Hubbard

 

Trade Union: A system whereby bad workmen

 

receive the same wages as good workmen.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

My uncle is in trouble with his union. They

 

caught him working on the job.

 

— Joey Adams

How could God create Earth in only six days? Simple: There were no union workers to slow things down.

— Workplace graffiti
Organized labor still has privileges and legal immunities that even kings and governments lost years ago.

— Roscoe Pound

 

Unusual Ways to Earn a Living

I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.

— Mark Twain

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "help wanted". There was another sign below it that said "self service". So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

— Steven Wright

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

— Nelson Algren

 

The Book That Inspires You to Make a Living in Unusual Ways

 

00017.jpg

 

It's about earning real money without a real job.

 

It's about working in a jerk-free environment.

It’s about reducing work stress immediately when it strikes because you have the freedom to do so!

It’s about creating
intellectual property so that you make some real money while you sleep.

“I found Real Success Without a Real Job absolutely incredible! I can't even put into words how much I enjoyed reading the book and there were times I didn't even want to put it down. I am not one to send e-mails or write reviews so for me to be this moved my hat is off to Ernie.”

David Morris, Senior Retirement Plan Consultant, Charles Schwab
Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at:
www.Amazon.com
www.BarnesandNoble.com

Vocations

 

00114.jpgWhere your talents and the needs of the world cross, there lies your vocation.

 

— Aristotle

 

Blessed is he who has found his work. Let him ask no other blessedness.

 

— Thomas Carlyle

If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.

— Dennis Miller
Writing is not a profession but a vocation of unhappiness.

— George Simenon

 

Wasted Time

People waste more time waiting for someone to take charge of their lives than they do in any other pursuit.

— Gloria Steinem

 

Time is what we want most, but …. what we use worst.

 

— William Penn

 

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

 

— Laurence J. Peter

 

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

— Jean Louis Rodolphe Agassiz (when asked to give a lecture for a large fee)
It is observed that successful people get ahead in the time that other people waste.

— Henry Ford

 

Winners and Losers

 

All th' world loves a good loser. — Kin Hubbard

 

00115.jpg

Show me a good loser and I will show you a [real] loser.

— Paul Newman

 

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

 

— Grantland Rice

 

Grantland Rice can go to hell as far as I’m concerned.

 

— Gene Autry

 

Three Irresistible Books by Ernie Zelinski For Winners and Not for Whiners

 

00003.jpg00004.jpg00005.jpg

Have no sympathy for people who claim to be "victims" at work. "They aren't victims, but losers.

— Joep Schrijvers

 

It is not whether you win or lose, but who gets the blame.

 

— Blaine Nye

"How you play the game" is for college boys. When you're playing for money, winning is the only thing that counts.

— Leo Durocher

 

Workaholics

 

Few people do business well

 

who do nothing else.

 

— Lord Chesterfield

 

00116.jpgThey intoxicate themselves with

 

work so they won't see how they really are.

— Aldous Huxley
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy — and Jill a wealthy widow.

— Evan Esar

A considerable number of persons are able to protect themselves against the outbreak of serious neurotic phenomena only through intense work.

— Karl Abraham

 

Work with some men is as besetting a sin as idleness.

 

— Samuel Butler

It is seldom that an American retires from business to enjoy his fortune in comfort. He works because he has always worked, and knows no other way.

— Thomas Nichols

 

Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.

 

— Oscar Wilde

 

Working for Free

 

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

 

— Mark Twain

Ask yourself, "If all jobs paid $2 an hour, what job would I want to do?" When you answer that question, start doing it, even if you have to do it for free at first.

— Greg Aldrik

I was proud to work with the great Gershwin, and I would have done it for nothing, which I did.

— Howard Dietz

 

Working Fools

 

Anybody who works is a fool. I don't work, I merely inflict myself on the public.

 

— Robert Morley

 

The wise don't work. — Van Tu

 

The ant is knowing and wise, but he doesn't know enough to take a vacation.

 

— Clarence Day

 

Worry and Work

 

How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened.

 

— Thomas Jefferson

 

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. — Robert Frost

Don't worry if your job is small and the rewards few; remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.

— Unknown wise person

 

Don't worry about the job you don't like. Someone else will soon have it.

— Unknown wise person
Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety.

— Plato

 

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

 

— Lily Tomlin

 

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.

 

— Corrie Ten Boom

 

Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!

 

— Barbara Hoffman

 

Rule #1: Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule #2: It's all small stuff.

 

— Michael Mantell

 

Work Ethic

If work is so terrific, how
come they have to pay you
to do it?

— George Carlin

If hard work was such a
wonderful thing, the rich
would have kept it all to
themselves.

00117.jpg— Lane Kirkland

Personally, I have nothing against work,
particularly when performed, quietly and
unobtrusively, by someone else. I just don't
happen to think it's an appropriate subject for
an "ethic."

— Barbara Ehrenreich

You'll never succeed in idealizing hard work.
Before you can dig mother earth you've got to
take off your ideal jacket. The harder a man
works, at brute labour, the thinner becomes
his idealism, the darker his mind.

— D. H. Lawrence

 

Working Smart and Not Hard

 

00118.jpgDon't' overdo things that shouldn't be done in the first place.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Doing a thing well is often a waste of time. — Robert Byrne

 

If you burn the candle at both ends, you are not as bright as you think.

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job There Is No Life Like It!

 

00017.jpg

It's about being creative and having fun in your work.

It's about taking charge of your physical,
emotional, financial, and spiritual well-being.

Above all, it’s about getting the most out of your life personally and professionally!

“I enjoyed Real Success Without a Real Job very much. A terrific book!”
— Nick Lore, Founder of the Rockport Institute
Purchase Real Success Without a Real J ob at:
www.Amazon.com
www.BarnesandNoble.com

 

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

 

Earl Balfour

Learn to distinguish between these three: 1: Some things need doing better than you or anyone has ever done them before. 2: Some just need doing to get by. 3: Some are not necessary; they don't need doing and are best left to the misfits of this world to pursue.

— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job

 

Do what's right, the right way, at the right time. — Arnold Glasow

 

Writers at Work

Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

— Gene Fowler

 

Why do writers write? Because it isn't there.

— Thomas Berger

00119.jpg

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.

— Robert Benchley

 

The books I haven't written are better than the books other people have.

 

— Cyril V. Connolly

 

Write drunk; edit sober. — Ernest Hemingway

 

I'm a lousy writer; a helluva lot of people have got lousy taste.

 

— Grace Metalious

When I had got my notes all written out I thought I'd polish it off in two summers, but it took me twenty-seven years.

— Arnold Toynbee

 

Who am I to tamper with a masterpiece?

— Oscar Wilde (on refusing to make alterations to one of his plays)
Write out of love, write out of instinct, write out of reason. But always for money.

— Louis Untermeyer

 

Zen at Work

 

00120.jpgUltimately nothing matters and so what if it did?

 

— Unknown wise person

 

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

 

— Albert Einstein

 

Do every act of your life as if it were your last. — Marcus Aurelius

 

The obstacle is the path. — Zen proverb

 

About the Author – Ernie J. Zelinski

Ernie J. Zelinski, president of The Real Success Resource Center, has written far too many books to list here. He is the author of Real Success Without a Real Job, the bestseller How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free, and The Joy of Not Working: A Book for the Retired, Unemployed, and Overworked, an international bestseller that has sold over 200,000 copies and has been published in 16 languages.

00121.jpg

To date Ernie has negotiated 87 book deals with publishers in 24 countries for his 15 books. How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free was recently released in the U.S. by Ten Speed Press and has already sold over 57,000 copies. It has also been published in China, Korea, Taiwan, Greece, France, Japan, and Spain.

Feature articles about Ernie and his books have appeared in major newspapers including USA TODAY, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Oakland Tribune, Boston Herald, Toronto Star, and Vancouver Sun. He has been interviewed by over 100 radio stations and has appeared on CNN TV’s Financial News, CBC TV’s Venture, and CTV’s Canada AM.

Ernie has a B.Sc. in Engineering and a Masters in Business Administration from the University of Alberta. He is an expert on the subjects of real success without a real job, retirement, and applying creativity to business and leisure.

Ernie is uniquely qualified to write books such as How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free, given that he opted for semi-retirement when he was only 30 years old and close to financial bankruptcy (with a net worth of minus $30,000). Yet today Ernie is a prosperous writer, entrepreneur, and connoisseur of leisure who maintains a four- to five-hour workday and doesn’t like to work at all in any month that doesn’t have an “r” in its name. Ernie lives in Edmonton, where, besides hanging around his favorite coffee shops with his laptop, he enjoys running, cycling, tennis, reading, and traveling.

Ernie Zelinski can be contacted at:
VIP BOOKS
P.O. Box 4072
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, T6E 4S8 Phone 780- 434- 9202

E-mail: vip-books@telus.net
Websites: www.Real-Success.ca

www.thejoyofnotworking.com

 

00122.jpgReal Success WITHOUT a Real Job There Is No Life Like It!

 

00123.jpg

It's about having
sufficient time to spend with friends.

It's about sleeping as late as you want every day.

It's about people in the corporate world envying your lifestyle.

It’s about making a real creative difference in this world and getting paid well for it.

And a Whole Lot More!
Purchase Real Success Without a Real Job at:
www.Amazon.com
www.BarnesandNoble.com

 

00124.jpg

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