Wilbur by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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#23-Speculative Prophecy in Retrospect
New York Investment Review; Monday, March 11, 2019
Values of Cheeseball trophies, sometimes more properly referred to as Cheese Rolling trophies, have plummeted. This plummet began mid-January, and may more accurately be called a nose dive. You read it here on NYIR first. Trophies which commanded a price of $150,000 in late 2018 now have an E-bay asking price of $100.
The scarce awards once granted only to the annually sanctioned Cheeseball winner, later extended to the winners of the feral Cheeseball contests, have been duplicated en masse by competitive manufacturers and have now flooded the market. No one has been able to find a methodology capable of differentiating the knockoffs from the “real” thing or their feral companions, the latter differentiation never previously of monetary consequence.
Leshem Fabricant, CEO and majority shareholder of Simulacrum Technologies, Inc. told NYIR exclusively; “Even at $100 apiece we’re making a fortune as it costs us only about two bucks each to manufacture them. Once a rare, prized status symbol, our goal
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is to get a Cheeseball trophy, or two, or three, in every home, regardless of class, income, ability, race, or sexual persuasion. We are all equals, dammit!”
When asked why Mr. Fabricant didn’t make the trophies available to the “equality” market at prices under $10, he had some sort of seizure, perhaps grand mal, and was escorted away by his four topless bodyguards.
So, there you have it. NYIR issued a “sell” advisory back on March 10th, in an issue which the authorities have apparently deleted from the web. If you’re still holding we have this to say to you; “Very tough titty, chump. You should have subscribed to NYIR. ”
*Instructions regarding how to apply for exclusive subscriptions to NYIR, including our news breaking, valuable, up-to-the-minute e-mails appear after the publisher’s, 214 liked blog.*
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