Chapter 3
The train that took them to their respective assignments, the boys in the band, now enlisted in the army, watching, gloomy, landscape scroll. They were sad, worried. So, to give courage, they were joking, but their heart was not really there. Mark Lucas, Philippe and others were thinking as they had left on the station platform, earlier, there was an eternity.
Their classmates tried to distract them and chatted, frivolous and light, boasted of their conquests past and future. Hervé felt far these concerns. In this process, he relived his childhood wandering, carted for host families in orphanages. He did not know his parents and knew nothing of them. Younger, he wanted to know who they were, to know his real name, their history. He was then struck the dam institutions.
He was away from his comrades in misfortune to smoke in the hallway. Went back memories, full of greys, sadness and loneliness. This terrible cold and loneliness that had rocked his childhood. And this emptiness in him that nothing had ever been able to fill. Over the years, abuse sometimes, polite indifference of others more often, Hervé had forged a smiling and seductive mask.
According to his tribulations, that ruled over the administration, he had learned to harden, hiding behind the mask always smiling and polite, applied to appeal to all those officials and often dull heart. He had hidden his sensitivity and pain behind thick walls, impassable. Tonight, in the train that took him without his chosen, once again, he saw the fall sweep nascent efforts to build a life, finally light.
Memories of last summer passed before his eyes, dwarfing landscapes elusive. Sylvie's face smiled, then walked away slowly. He had less seen after her birthday, first because now she was engaged to Mark, and then because he no longer had to help in the preparation of the review. Finally, he had to work harder than others to finance his vacation and build the nest egg, he would need for his military service, but also after to start his life.
It was only a few months pass quickly, but it would be quite long ! Hervé preferred to think what he would do next. He had been recruited by a major international group for a first post rather rewarding and lucrative. There was at least something positive in the table ! And he knew girls liked him, he should not have trouble finding one he then is based finally a family.
A family to him ... finally ! End this loneliness inside that cold that froze so often. He promised to do everything possible for his future wife, and their children, lack nothing. More importantly, he would give them all the love he buried in him so long. He would ensure that they are happy and fulfilled, that they have dreams and can achieve. He will give them everything he had missed so much.
Marc was moving towards him, Hervé resumed his usual mask. A time they exchanged banalities. But Mark had noticed the pallor of Hervé, his voice muffled than usual. He had often seen it, and he was concluded that Hervé's have a life particularly difficult to evade all questions and to not have to talk about it. He also observed that Hervé was less available than most of them.
Thus, in the train that would take them to the end of the night, Mark had shown listening and compassion Hervé who had trusted him. It was the first time someone listened and he lowered his guard to confide. Hervé was excited and relieved to share these memories so painful with someone. Of course, it was Marc Sylvie had chosen even before he could talk to her, but tonight he understood her choice, it was a really good guy.
Surprised and flattered by the confidence Hervé showed him, Marc listened with great attention the story of his childhood sacked, this obstinate survive adolescence. He stood full opportunity he had with his grandparents. Having lived it, Hervé would have many excuses he had gone wrong. Instead, it was an ambitious goal and worked hard, very hard to achieve. Marc admired him and promised to help them.
Days and seasons succeeded to those in uniform, as for those waiting for their returns in pursuing their normal activities. Called punctually returned for short permissions, during which the band reconstructed and found its discussions and debates political phylosophiques. The spring saw marriages succeed, starting with Philip and Annie celebrated with great fanfare in April.
Then it was the turn of Lucas and Gisele equally sumptuous, often followed by other more simple and less formal. Sylvie went there with Marc and Hervé when they could. She got along well with Marc, however, true to his promise, he never spoke of marriage. Sylvie was grateful she did not want to settle in life tidy. No, she wanted to live intensely, day by day, live each moment as if it were the last.
Their band was reduced gradually, first left by those who had to leave because their professional lives dragged them away, then those called up, and finally the newlyweds. These couples attending for some, but gradually took their distances with those who remained single. Their lives had changed, they were now adults and preferred to talk about their professional adventures, their financial plans. They joined in this their parents, the grownups closed clan.
If the previous summer holidays were nostalgic, they announced this year sadder. Sylvie preferred to work, at least she would have a little ways during the next academic year, where she would have to take now as she was then major. The last she hoped. After that, she would with Marc, which would be released from his military obligations. Perhaps they would travel, unless Marc has something to prepare or she finds an attractive opportunity.
A year later, Sylvie is obtained graduate degree in higher education. She moved with Marc in a studio in Paris, where he had a lot of relationships. His grandparents he had also left the capital, Marc maintained keeping in touch. Marc's parents often had to move because his father was a career in the army, that was why they had given at an early age to his grandparents.
Marc had found with them, as and as he grew, this teeming universe of artists and creators. That's where he had his tastes and abilities varied. He was well aware that this was a great springboard for him today. But he was anxious to be at the height of his grandparents, now deceased, who had given him such an education. He gave the best of himself in each work he was doing whatever nature.
Of course, he regularly saw his parents, but he had never been able to create with them the link that bound him to his great grandparents. His father was a military rigid, obsessed with discipline. As to mother, she was transparent. Finally, he was rather glad they preferred to entrust his education at his grandparents ! He was with them, so attentive and available, so many good memories.
Marc and Sylvie had chosen this simple studio because they looked like. They could have taken a bigger house with luxurious furniture ... But they chose to live simply. Was that the obligations that one creates, often said Sylvie, and as she did not want to have, she was careful not to create them ! Marc is well agreeing with, so they fled decorum and socializing.
Now, they planned to take a well deserved vacation, but had not really stopped a destination. Mark had various commitments for the next school year, while Sylvie, her graduation in pocket, was looking for a job. She had several ideas about it and began to make contact as soon as her graduation. She wanted to not only earn a living but also to build a fulfilling life, not just work for a second pay extra !
She approached life as if she was a boy, but she wanted to stay feminine in this masculine world where she took root. Like other girls of her generation, she chose an occupation hitherto reserved for sex said fort. It was true that, long ago, women should confine their furnaces family with baby diapers and in the best cases, their typewriters, as they were not nurses or teachers. A limited universe that many girls were pushing.
In this, they stood out from all those who marched lately, throwing their bras and other attributes of femininity with nettles, wanting equal in all respects men they copied behaviour. For Sylvie, and many other girls at the time, who did not want to live like their mothers, their aggression towards those they wanted to replace equalled machismo their targets.
Like many, Sylvie thought that everyone should be free to provide his person, his life choices and assume. Society should enable individuals to achieve and not locked in the shackles imposed by religions, political ideals or social conventions. Sylvie, and others really thought to reconcile their professional lives with their family life and their couples. She knew it would not be easy, but wanted to do so.
The summer was well advanced when, finally, Marc and Sylvie curled their bags to join one of their few friends with whom they planned to tour the Mediterranean by boat. They were happy to see all these famous sites, remnants of ancient civilizations. Hervé was still in Paris, he did not have enough days off to participate in the journey. Overtake he next summer ! Along the way, they made a detour to visit Sylvie's parents.
On arrival, they were a little tight on to qualify for the verse on the need for a quick marriage. It was more than two years now they were engaged, more Sylvie had finally graduated (what it was she used! Kept telling her mother), it was now time that they regularize their situation. Here, everyone knew they lived together and it was talking. They did not know what to say to their relationship, not to mention the family !
Sylvie answered them she was sorry that her choice of life is unpleasant, but for now she and Marc went to relax, they would later, even more than the return promised charged for them. Upset and distressed, parents chose to talk about something else. They told them the orderly life of Philip and Annie who were expecting their first child, they rejoiced.
Annoyed by insinuating, Sylvie had preferred to shorten the visit, saying they still had a long way to go. As they went away, Sylvie sighed, she could no longer hear praise of his brother. Especially as otherwise she had learned he launched on hazardous routes, engaging the family business. His father was ignore it, or pretend to them ... She hoped it would not turn too bad, she did not expect inheritance.
With the start, the life of Sylvie took a new turn. She now had professional responsibilities, and earned her living correctly. Finally, she was self! Lately, she had lived in student jobs and Marc helped willingly, but she was reluctant to live off someone. She understood that to win, she would be far more efficient and effective than her colleagues masculine. That does not fear her.
Between her job and Marc, her life was full and corresponded quite what she expected. Marc travelled extensively to meet his various commitments, whenever she can, Sylvie accompanied him. But soon, she managed to free them less and her work increasingly monopolized. Marc suffered, but do not complain, knowing how much it mattered to her.
More often, Marc left alone to destinations that previously Sylvie was dream. On her side, he was also often travelling to conferences or meetings. In their studio, Marc waited Sylvie and Sylvie waited Marc. When they could spend some time together, they told their colleagues, daily hassles or projects. They loved those moments when they were happy memories of provision, made great walking tours in Paris or exotic excursions.
Sylvie was happy and tender smile of Marc gave the impression that it would last forever. In the distance, they had news of their band members now scattered, but some remained close. Sometimes they saw Hervé became senior to busy schedule. He cultivated his side loner who seduced many women, also every time they dined with him he had a new girlfriend.
The decade began ranged agitations, traditionalism, against-culture and ethnic patterns, mainly African and Oriental. France began to dwindle into a Europe that wanted to build, overwhelmed by multinationals. The company is urbanized, is standard. They talked now of mass consumption, mass tourism, etc...
The cinema became self-centred, sometimes with talent. Fashion came from elsewhere, luxury who had participated in the renowned France, began to immigrate to a country where there was no longer a recipe. A new youth invested universities in redoing the times and fashion. Now sex was no longer taboo, mixed schools and first girls invested the most prestigious of them.
Previous revolts had given birth to many movements described themselves as revolutionaries and guerrillas practiced fond of attacks, kidnappings, hijackings and other miscellaneous facts. Media, more and more ubiquitous, erected in mentors populations, described with a lot of romance, emphasized the humanity of causes they were supposed to defend, disregarding traffic of all kinds which financed.
They lived more freely, comfortably, and the breath of revival fell, they aspired to preserve it better be that they had just acquired. But it turned into smoke and mirrors for the people of newly independent countries, was said to be developing. However, many of colonization came with the entire infrastructure and all means necessary to their prosperity.
Like children suddenly left by themselves, they were groping, seeking their way in a changing world, while others had more or less respectable views about their natural resources. These countries grew in pain and sometimes chaos. Their inhabitants fleeing war and famine they brought in their wake, and then they came aground at the factory gates of their former colonists when they were caught, as they had been before those who came to their provinces, search of a better life.
Philip and Annie had a little boy. Lucas and Gisele had eventually settled in Switzerland. Hervé brilliantly pursued an international career. Other members of the band had created their own businesses or had gone to Canada or Australia. Now they met randomly their travel, unless it is during a rapid return to the scene of their youth. They met in small groups according to their proximity and their affinities.
Nevertheless, they continued to write to or call. Fortunately they had done this cruise around the Mediterranean last summer. This was their last common memories, which only Hervé Philippe and Annie as Lucas and Gisele had summers absent. They exchanged pictures of their new lives, recommendations. Many of them continued to support, to help each other. Time was definitely past recklessness now !
That summer, Marc and Sylvie had planned a quiet holydays, they need to rest, relax. Before they had to go see Sylvie's parents, Philip, Annie and their son. Sylvie was happy to see her friend. She looked radiant and happy. Philippe was regorgered him. However, Sylvie felt the tension between his father and brother. Her mother had a few wrinkles discrete saying how she was concerned.
Against all expectations, this time she and Marc were welcomed and were spared the usual questions and tirades on their marriage. Marc and Sylvie looked intrigued. But neither the one nor the other did not dare ask questions. Sylvie found a bit of her past complicity with Annie. A party was held for the baptism of her nephew during which she and Marc had seen many of their friends.
Soon after, they flew to their resort for a short stay. They loved the intimacy found no phones or appointment. They enjoyed one another, just, and infinitely happy. Marc often said that life should be enjoyed like champagne, it was what they did. The sun gilded their skins. Marc was provision of photographs and drawings that Sylvie was the main topic. She carved her eyes and her smile in his memory.
Marc often observed Sylvie, he loved watching moving, laughing. When looking into the distance, dreamy or distracted, he felt heartbreaking to lose. He wanted to start a family, but he felt she was not ready yet and he did not rush. Had he done so, he would have caged wild animals she was at the bottom. He took his pain with patience, after all they had time.
After this parenthesis ephemeral light, life had returned to wild for them both. Sometimes it was just if they had time to cross ! Mark was very busy as he was requested for exhibitions, concerts or work at a show, a movie. He became a jack of all talent, but if he was happy to be recognized by his peers, he wished to remain anonymous and dodged as he could the social events.
There was, all of a sudden, he was made a proposal, more interesting, allowing him to achieve his wildest dreams by working with an Anglo-Saxon studio. But then, he had settled near them in the USA ! He knew that Sylvie could not follow immediately, or even a long time. Marc did not ask her to leave everything here. Certainly, there, she would have opportunities as interesting as her position now. He was afraid of her choice if she'd talked about it.
The days went by closer Marc to that which he should give his answer. If he refused, he would feel to have waived he was, his dreams ... If accepted, it was found that Sylvie shared her life and him. And if she decided not to follow ... He could not bear it. He looked at her smiles at life, he smiles. For her, he was able to give up all that was offered.
Sylvie came home very excited at the prospect of a new project on which she was working. The funny thing was there Hervé also involved, since the multinational that had employed to buy the company where she worked well. She was happy at the prospect of working with Hervé, especially since she had good memories of the time he had helped to prepare for the examination.
Marc listened tell the merger, ongoing projects to establish a new organization, rivalries and conspiracies. Ambitions of each other, the way she saw her future in the medium term ... He was happy for her who, unaware of the dilemma he lived, radiating new ideas to life. Decidedly, he could not ask her to follow in time.
He could not consider leaving without her, waiting for the moment when she could finally join. Especially if, thereafter, she did not come. More than anything, he could not bear the idea that she could leave, either because of him or for another. Gradually came to him the idea of going quietly to let her live her life as she fully understood.
Now, he was (or was) convinced this was the solution. The decision was made after days of reflection. Leave Sylvie would be the most difficult thing in his life, he hoped to find the courage. But he saw no other solution ! If he spoke of the offer that had been made, she certainly seeks how to solve this, can be waiving her projects. That he could not accept the asking.
By cons if she did not want to follow, then she would hurt to imagine that he left for a job as attractive or she would be reluctant to ask him to give up. Their beautiful story ended there ! They each continue on their way. They hoped she would forgive him and to go on the tip of the foot, spinning in English as if he fled.
A few days later, he left the studio after putting in his bag personal effects, photos, memories. Acrobat or clown sad, he was not allowed to appear. For the first time, he lied to Sylvie. He was shameful, even if he was convinced that it was the best thing to do. From the airport he called Hervé.
That same evening, returning studio Sylvie was eerily empty and silent. On the table a word that Marc had left, presumably to tell her he was an imperative unexpected. Instead, Marc wrote that their roads parted there, after they have come a long way together, they were the best memories of his life. He concluded by wishing her good luck.
Sylvie was devastated. All around her was crumbling. She felt the cold invade, while part of her is numb. She really was not expecting it ! Mark had always been in her life, as far as she can remember. She suddenly measured how she had always counted on him, with him. What had happened to decide to leave and, had she hurt him ? He had ceased to love, she could not believe it.
Why was he gone ? Why did he tell nothing her ? Lately she had seen that he was more anxious, more withdrawn than usual. She did not question him because she thought he would speak at the appropriate time. She did not like to ask him three questions fateful where are you going ? Where are you from ? What do you think ? So she does not arise and Marc knew.
She had never considered his life without Mark, even before their engagement. It seemed so impossible ! And then suddenly ... Sylvie did not understand. Standing in the middle of the studio, very big now, she looked around her, as if to ensure that Marc was not really gone, he would come back. But she was beautiful to watch, there was nothing to Marc, otherwise photos, souvenirs from their travels that he had left.
After the phone call from Mark, who told him about his sudden departure "because it was better that way, especially Sylvie, he should go quickly because she needed him." Hervé rushed at them, puzzled and worried. What was them happened ? They seemed to get along very well so far ... curious ! The feelings he had for her, and he has long repressed, resurfaced.
Sylvie him opened the door, in shock. Her sentence was immense. Hervé did not know what to do as he felt powerless. So he stayed close to her, he had occupied her. Once the initial shock, Sylvie had cried, cried a lot. Hervé had done his best to comfort her, support her. He saw her so depressed and fragile, she usually so strong and combative. She survived as an automaton, she so alive.
A time, Hervé was afraid she did not defer. He saw her throw herself fully into the work she was no longer interested in anything else. Sometimes he wondered if she noticed his presence only ! When looked Sylvie, he saw a kind of shell. She had lost the aura of light that participated in her charm. He did not try Mark, but to see what she was, he wanted it.
Time passed and Sylvie gave the impression gradually regain the upper hand. Yet Hervé knew that the wound was deep and would long to heal. That was why he did not speak of his own feelings. She could trust again, love again ? His youth gave him hope, but he remained cautious and patient.
Vacation time returned, Sylvie watched the previous pictures ... The project on which she worked with Hervé going well. One around them had noticed the drama she lived. Moreover, neither one nor the other spoke of his privacy in their professional environment. Sylvie accustomed to the presence of
Hervé, she appreciated his wit, his kindness, his humour. She had no specific project for the holidays, either.
They decided to return to the places of their youth, their friends once again. They planned to make a tour by visiting each and others. Hervé accompanied Sylvie he tried to distract her, but they were just friends for now. Maybe one day later ... Hervé was patient.
Sylvie had told her parents the departure of Marc citing professional obligations, for the same reasons she did not follow. She did not give details. After all, liked to repeat her mother, "from the time they were engaged, if it was serious they would have been married a long time, no it was only a love of youth ! ".
That year, Hervé accompanied to the traditional way with her parents. He did his best to enliven the conversation avoiding sensitive subjects. But his position was not easy. Sylvie's parents were tired of amorous escapades of their daughter. Finally this Hervé had good looks and a good situation, she would no longer need to work and could finally settle down.
Shortly after, Herve and Sylvie renounced their "journey of remembrance." They wanted to keep minimum illusions about some of their old friends. And it was hard not to hear about Mark, not to answer questions ... They thus found a Paris empty, with truancy air, very pleasant in August ! Finally, they walked in places they liked, without painful memories if they avoided the route of the old rides Marc and Sylvie.
In doing so, they discovered forgotten places by tourists, ancient streets, gardens unexpected. They dined at restaurants scenic terraces, played the loiterers, loitering ... By now, Sylvie found her smile once. Hervé regained hope, over time she forgets Marc. She would then be ready to rebuild her life. Soon she did not speak at all about Mark, can do she more thought.
When she was alone in the studio, she stubbornly refused to leave, Sylvie thought Marc, reliving their memories lest they fade and disappear too. Where was Mark ? He thought to her, to them ? What became of him, where he lived ? She had never been able to have his news. It was like he had disappeared from the planet ! However, he should be somewhere, get a life. She tried to follow the press where once there was talk of his work ... nothing.
He was probably using one or more pseudonyms. At times, she felt betrayed, abandoned and she resented. But soon she saw his smile and his eyes so tender .... No, there was something else. If Mark was gone, it was because he had a good reason, but he never wanted to hurt her. Sometimes she felt a huge misunderstanding, a mess. And if it was because of her own ideas ? Her damn freedom would very bitter taste !
The seasons came and went, monotonous. Sylvie gradually recovering, regained the upper hand over her grief, so immense that fill her life, she was sure. She often saw Hervé outside of work. They went to shows, films, exhibitions and sometimes attending concerts. Hervé was then called to another position within the group and Sylvie had built a new structure.
Life went on. Philip and Annie had a second child, a daughter. By her mother Sylvie had learned that the family business had experienced difficult days, but that his father had taken things in hand and restored the balance. They had hot ! Annie phoned her from time to time and they found their past conversations. If not careful, she soon styling Sainte Catherine, repeated her mother, always a prey to her same obsession.
It had been over a year that Marc was gone, Sylvie went obviously, he would not return. So she decided to get on with her life, to continue without Marc. In her own way she gave him his freedom, as he had done for her without starting back. Maybe he was right. With courage and application, she resumed taste for life. She hid her pain deep inside herself and resumed her smile.
The following spring, Sylvie moved at Hervé. Previously, she had put the ring that Marc had given her, as well as their photos and memories in a box she had put in her room with her parents, with boxes treasures of her childhood and adolescence. She put her youth in turning the page, but she confided these things which were so dear to this place on and unchanging.
Then, in early summer, Herve and Sylvie were married in the strictest privacy. Apart from a few friends or colleagues, Hervé had nobody to invite and Sylvie did not impose her family, especially their thirty-one and in full force. In any case, neither the one nor the other felt like everything traditional ceremonial, for what they saw as a personal commitment which concerned them.
This year, they had preferred to go on vacation away from the family of Sylvie and their former friends. They needed to be alone, to discover far away from their professional contexts, from all. The both were eager to build their relationship, their lives on a sound and solid. Hervé wanted to best Sylvie knew, she found those of his childhood and adolescence. She listened to tell, discovered his suffering.
She admired for his strength of character, his honesty and the way he was making fun of everything and himself, as modesty. That all these years they had ignored it all. Herve never complained, while many in their band easily crying spells, not so terrible that it eventually. And he listened without flinching, and went up the morale !
At the discretion of the holiday rather romantic, a bit like Hervé despite his young wolf style, Sylvie discovered a likeable man, full of qualities and not just handsome service. She understood better where he got these tunes beast, untamed and free, almost feline. She discovered in herself these aspects. They looked and complemented. Marc knew very well what he was doing by sending Hervé.
Soothed and calm for the first time in years, Herve and Sylvie began their new life with optimism. From time to time, they had a thought for Mark, but they did not speak. Their colleagues, their friends apparently approved their marriage, as parents Sylvie, they were delighted to see come to her senses, her mother in particular.
Hervé was happy as he had never imagined being. Finally life smiled, filled him. Near Sylvie, he no longer had the feeling of vast emptiness, the cold feeling terrible. Now he had become a family, there were many, a life like everyone else. He had someone to love and who loved him. He had not still spoken with Sylvie, but he wanted a child quickly.
Soon the desire Herve realized without him and Sylvie have really decided, but both were happy. Sylvie expecting a baby ! Hervé already imagined real Christmas as he had never known. So happy Made him patient with Sylvie parents who insisted she stop working to raise their unborn child, and they had arguments.
Annie was relieved to see his friend finally happy again. Sylvie had not said much about her history with Mark, their break-up, but she felt a crack in her, that hid her happy smile. Annie also had the bruises to the soul, as everyone believed her. Her life with Philip was made of ups and downs. Her husband was disappointed and often few cases of her, deciding everything according to his own tastes.
She knew he was coming from the wrong sometimes, night stands without any tomorrow, as her stepmother said, people need to look elsewhere, but they always come back home. At times, she regretted not having the courage of Sylvie. And then there were her children ... So she wept silently when alone. She was silent and endured the marriage for her children to have a family.
Philippe, he was enraged to see his unbearable sister succeed in both his professional life with a successful career, especially for a woman, in her private life. She was decidedly every chance. She had succeeded, with the help of Marc, taking her parents, and he, speed the day of her twenty years, and since she had not ceased to resist them to do exactly as her head.
While he was working under the control of their father, who did not understand that he wanted to make upgrades to their business, he was quiet in a big box. And their parents who throast